1. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.
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2. EVERYBODY MADE IT.
ALL RIGHT.
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3. HOW YOU DOING?
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4. GOOD. I'M KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.
THIS IS IN LIVING COLOR.
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5. OUR FIRST SEASON. WE MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST ONE.
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6. WE WANT TO THANK Y'ALL FOR
ALL THE SUPPORT YOU GAVE US. AND WE'LL BE BACK NEXT TIME.
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7.
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8. TO THE GUYS FROM ORANGE DRIVE.
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9. AW, YEAH!
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10. GIVE THEM A HAND.
GIVE IT UP FOR 'EM.
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11.
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12. AMERICA, YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHO THE GUYS FROM ORANGE DRIVE ARE.
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13. BUT THEY'RE A GROUP
OF OBNOXIOUS, LITTLE KIDS...
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14. BUGGING ME FOR TICKETS.
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15. SO I HOOKED THEM UP.
SO NOW THEY'RE HERE.
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16. WE'RE GONNA HAVE FUN TONIGHT.
THIS IS OUR LAST ONE. WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GO OUT WITH A BANG.
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17. BEFORE WE DO THAT,
SAY HELLO TO S.W. ONE, MY D.J.
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18.
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19. AND TO THE FLY GIRLS,
WHO PROMISED THEY WON'T WEAR ANY OF THESE OUTFITS NEXT YEAR.
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20. STARTING OVER HERE.
CARRIE ANN, DEIDRE,
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21. LISA, MICHELLE.
LISA!
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22. SIT FOR A MINUTE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
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23. ONE DOLLAR.
TRY AND DUNK THE CLOWN.
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24. ONLY ONE DOLLAR.
TRY YOUR LUCK FOR JUST A BUCK.
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25. TRY YOUR LUCK.
ONE DOLLAR. DUNK THE CLOWN. ONE—
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26. TRY AGAIN.
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27. ONE DOLLAR.
DUNK THE CLOWN.
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28. TRY AGAIN. ONE DOLLAR.
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29. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
I JUST HIT THE TARGET. WHY DIDN'T YOU FALL IN?
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30. OH, FALL IN, HUH?
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31. AND SUFFOCATE, HUH?
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32. LIKE A DEAD MAN. THAT WOULD BE PRETTY FUNNY, HUH?
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33. YEAH. I DON'T THINK SO.
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34. HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT.
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35. HOMEY'S ONE-STOP CARNIVAL. STEP RIGHT UP.
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36. STEP RIGHT UP,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. STEP RIGHT UP.
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37. ARE YOU A REAL CLOWN?
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38. NO, I'M YOUR DADDY.
THAT'S THE CLOWN.
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39. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU,
LITTLE GIRL?
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40. A BALLOON ANIMAL?
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41. SURE. HOW ABOUT
A LITTLE DOGGY?
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42. YEAH.
YEAH.
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43. JUST LIKE THIS.
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44. HIS NAME WAS PAL-O-MINE.
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45. PET HIM. PAL-O-MINE.
P-A-L-O, MINE.
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46. FETCH THE STICK.
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47. YEAH. TILL ONE DAY
A COP CAR CAME BY AND RAN OVER HIS BACK LEGS.
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48. HE AIN'T NO
PAL O' MINE NO MORE.
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49. HERE YOU GO.
YOU'RE A STUPID CLOWN.
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50. YEAH?
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51. ONE-STOP CARNIVAL.
ONE-STOP CARNIVAL.
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52. STEP RIGHT UP.
STEP RIGHT UP.
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53. HEY, CLOWN. CAN YOU GUESS
MY WIFE'S WEIGHT?
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54. SURE. ONE DOLLAR.
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55. OKAY, SHE'S ABOUT—
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56. I'D SAY...
ONE FAT BITCH.
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57. HEY, HE'S PRETTY GOOD.
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58.
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59. HOMEY'S ONE-STOP CARNIVAL.
STEP RIGHT UP.
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60. HEY, HOMEY, WHAT'S THIS?
THAT'S THE HOMEY WHIRL-TWIRL.
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61. WANT A RIDE?
YEAH.
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62. ONE DOLLAR.
HAVE A SEAT.
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63. ALL RIGHT.
ROUND AND ROUND YOU GO.
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64. ROUND AND ROUND YOU GO.
WHERE YOU STOP, ONLY HOMEY KNOWS.
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65. I SPIN YOUR DUMB ASS. OKAY, HOMEY.
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66. YOU BETTER HANG ON TIGHT,
BECAUSE YOU MIGHT NOT LAST. HOMEY, NOW I AM SICK.
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67. TO GO FASTER, HUH? NO, HOMEY!
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68. MUST GO TO PAY FOR YOUR SINS THAT KEPT HOMEY DOWN SO LOW.
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69. ABOUT YOURSELF NOW?
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70. AND NAUSEOUS, HOMEY.
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71. GOOD. THAT'S THE SAME WAY I FELT
AFTER EIGHT YEARS IN PRISON.
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72. PUPPET TIME.
PUPPET TIME.
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73. GATHER ROUND.
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74. PAY CAREFUL ATTENTION,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
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75. 'CAUSE THIS PUPPET SHOW
HAS A CERTAIN MESSAGE TO IT.
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76. MR. ESTABLISHMENT.
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77. TO THE NICE PEOPLE.
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78. HELLO, NICE PEOPLE.
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79. NOW... TELL THE NICE PEOPLE
HOW YOU'VE TRIED TO KEEP HOMEY DOWN.
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80. WELL, I'VE STRUCTURED
SOCIETY IN SUCH A WAY...
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81. NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE ODDS...
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82. OF EDUCATIONAL OPPORTUNITY.
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83. THEREFORE, THEY'RE UNABLE
TO OBTAIN GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT,
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84. AN ALTERNATE SOURCE OF INCOME.
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85. SOONER OR LATER,
THEY JUST END UP IN JAIL, JUST LIKE HOMEY.
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86. THAT'S RIGHT.
NOW LET'S SHOW THEM HOW HOMEY GETS BACK AT MR. ESTABLISHMENT.
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87. SHALL WE?
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88. SURE.
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89. VERY GOOD.
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90. SO, WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED,
IF NOTHING ELSE?
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91. HOMEY... DON'T PLAY THAT.
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92. VERY GOOD.
NOW TAKE YOUR BOW.
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93. THE END. ONE DOLLAR.
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94.
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95. UH, ME AND MY WIFE,
WE'VE BEEN HAVING SOME,
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96. UH, SEXUAL PROBLEMS.
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97. I GUESS IT'S 'CAUSE I HAVE BEEN
UNDER A LOT OF STRESS AND...
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98. SOME MISPLACED ANGER, BUT,
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99. YOU KNOW, I THINK MOST GUYS
DO GO THROUGH THIS.
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100. AM I RIGHT, FELLAS?
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101. THIS AIN'T
THE OPRAH WINFREY SHOW?
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102. EXCUSE ME.
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103. HEY! SO THEY FINALLY RENTED
THAT PLACE, HUH?
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104. BEEN ABOUT TWO YEARS.
SURE HOPE THAT SLUMLORD CHANGED THE CARPET.
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105. IT WAS SO STINK OVER THERE,
I COULD TASTE IT OVER HERE.
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106. MM-HMM. OH, BY THE WAY,
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107. THOSE LITTLE MILK CRATES— THAT LITTLE TABLE YOU MADE.
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108. WHAT'S THAT, ART DECO?
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109. YEAH. LOOK AT ME
RATTLING ON AND ON LIKE YOU KNOW WHO I AM.
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110. HI, GIRL.
I'M BONITA BATRELL. I'VE BEEN HERE ALL MY LIFE.
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111. IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD. MM-HMM.
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112. YEAH, GIRL,
THERE'S SOME FINE PEOPLE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.
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113. THERE'S A LOT OF TRASH TOO.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP.
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114. HEY, THERE GOES MAVIS
AND HER KIDS.
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115. MAVIS!
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116. HEY, I SEE YOU GOT
THE WHOLE GANG OUT THERE TODAY, HUH?
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117. A PACK OF RAG MUFFINS.
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118. IN NEWSPAPER TO TAKE THEM TO SUNDAY SCHOOL.
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119. MMM, MM-MMM.
YOU SEE THAT LITTLE ONE DOWN THERE?
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120. THAT LITTLE ONE.
NO, THE ONE DOWN THERE WITH THE SNOT IN HIS NOSE.
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121. MM-HMM. THAT'S
MY LITTLE GODSON, CHUCKIE.
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122. HEY, CHUCKIE.
HEY, CHUCKSTER.
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123. HEY, CHUCKIE WUCKY DOODLE.
YOU GONNA GIVE YOUR GODMOTHER A KISS?
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124.
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125. THAT'S A LITTLE CRACK ADDICT
IN THE MAKING THERE.
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126. HONEY, I'M TELLING YOU.
ALL THEM KIDS DO IS BEG.
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127. "GIVE ME,"LOAN ME,"
"CAN YOU SPARE?" EVERY TIME YOU TURN AROUND.
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128. WOULD EVER SAY, "HERE, DOG. HERE'S A BONE."
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129. NOW, THE MAMA, EVERY TIME
I OPEN MY DOOR, SHE'S HANGING OUT THERE WITH A CUP.
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130. SHE NEEDS SOME FLOUR.
SHE NEEDS SOME BREAD. SHE NEEDS SOME EGGS.
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131. TO THE SUPERMARKET. THAT'S WHAT SHE NEEDS TO DO.
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132. GIRL, I JUST DON'T
UNDERSTAND PEOPLE LIKE THAT.
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133. 'CAUSE I'M TRYING TO
BETTER MYSELF. THAT'S RIGHT.
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134. I'M ENROLLED IN
THE ROBERT FEON SCHOOL OF BEAUTY...
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135. AND THE ACE
TRUCK DRIVING SCHOOL.
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136. SO I'M GONNA HAVE
SOMETHING, YOU SEE?
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137. HEY! THERE GO
MY HOME GIRL, GRETCHEN.
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138. HEY, GRETCHEN.
HEY, GIRL. I'M SCARED OF YOU.
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139. YOU LOOK GOOD.
LOVE WHAT YOU DID WITH YOUR HAIR.
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140. SHAKE IT, BUT DON'T BREAK IT.
BUT IF YOU DO, SAVE CHUCK A PIECE.
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141. THE BABY'S DIAPER MONEY TO GET HER WEAVE TIGHTENED.
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142. GIRL, THE BABY WAS HOLLERING
LIKE A BANSHEE ALL NIGHT.
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143. I'M TELLING YOU,
I'M GLAD I AIN'T GOT TO WORRY ABOUT THAT...
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144. 'CAUSE I GOT ME
SOME CHEROKEE ON MY MAMA'S SIDE.
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145. SO HAIR AIN'T
NO LUXURY ITEM IN MY FAMILY.
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146. MATTER OF FACT,
WHEN I WAS A GIRL,
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147. LONG AND STRAIGHT AND BLACK AND THICK.
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148. CALL ME POCAHONTAS.
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149. HEATING UP SOME HAM HOCKS, AND MY PONYTAIL CAUGHT ON FIRE.
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150. AIN'T NEVER COME BACK.
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151. JUST DON'T
UNDERSTAN— HUH?
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152. OH, OH, OH, HIM.
THAT'S MR. WASHINGTON DOWN THERE.
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153. YEAH, HE'S
LIKE A FATHER TO ME.
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154. HEY, DADDY WASHINGTON.
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155. IT'S ME,
YOUR LITTLE FUZZY-WUZZY.
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156. YOU LOOKIN'
MIGHTY SPRY TODAY.
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157. IN YOUR STEP. MM-HMM.
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158. YOU'D HAVE SOME SPRING
IN YOUR STEP TOO IF YOU WERE SLEEPING WITH...
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159. THE PREACHER'S
22-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER.
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160. POOR MRS. WASHINGTON.
SHE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HERSELF.
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161. EATING THE GOVERNMENT CHEESE AND PASSING GAS ALL DAY.
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162. GIRL'S STOMACH DONE BLOWN UP
SO BIG, LOOK LIKE SHE GOT FOOD POISONING OR SOMETHING.
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163. MMM, MMM, MMM, IT'S A TRIP.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP.
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164. IF ANYONE ASKS YOU,
YOU AIN'T HEARD IT FROM ME. NO, YOU HAVEN'T.
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165. OH, OH, YOU GOTTA— LOOK AT.
THERE GOES MISS JENKINS RIGHT THERE.
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166. MM-HMM. THAT'S GOOD OLD
MRS. JENKINS, HONEY.
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167. BAD ABOUT MRS. JENKINS.
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168. DON'T NOBODY BETTER SAY
NOTHING BAD ABOUT MISS JENKINS, 'CAUSE I'LL GO CRAZY.
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169. THAT'S WHEN I'LL LOSE IT.
MISS JENKINS IS A STERLING EXAMPLE OF A HUMAN BEING.
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170. MMM, MMM-MMM-MMM.
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171. HEY, MISS JENKINS!
SHE IS SOMETHING ELSE, HONEY.
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172. JUST DON'T LET HER
TAKE HER SHOES OFF IN YOUR APARTMENT.
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173. A DILL PICKLE.
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174. YEAH, THERE'S SOME NICE PEOPLE
IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD. THERE'S SOME FINE FOLKS.
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175. YOU GONNA LIKE IT JUST FINE.
YOU JUST DO ME A FAVOR.
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176. YOU STAY AWAY FROM NOSY,
GOSSIPING HENS, AND YOU BE OKAY.
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177. ALL RIGHT. I GOT TO GO NOW.
THE HOME SHOPPING CLUB'S COMING ON. SEE YOU LATER.
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178. YOU LOVED HIM IN POLICE ACADEMY ONE,
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179. TWO, THREE, FOUR,
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180. FIVE, SIX AND SEVEN.
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181. ON STAGE IN A SPECIAL EVENING OF PERFORMANCE ENTITLED,
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182. A ONE MAN SHOW.
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183.
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184. [ Mimicking Rotary Phone
Dialing ]
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185.
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186.
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187. [ Mimicking Engine Cranking,
Sputtering ]
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188.
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189.
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190. OF NEWSWEEK MAGAZINE CALLS IT "SPELLBINDING."
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191.
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192. THE NEW YORK POST SAYS,
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193. "WINSLOW MAKES US LISTEN
ULTIMATELY TO OURSELVES,
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194. AND WHAT WE HEAR IS QUITE UGLY."
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195.
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196. [ Recording Of
Crowd Cheering ]
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197. IT'S A HOME RUN!
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198.
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199. DON'T MISS
MICHAEL WINSLOW THIS JUNE AT THE WINTER GARDEN THEATER.
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200. SOUND-SATIONAL.
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201. THIS MONTH ON HBO.
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202. SHE'S LOUD, SHE'S UGLY,
SHE WEARS AN OVERCOAT...
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203. AND SHE'S A SCREAMING SUCCESS.
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204. SHE'S SAMANTHA KINISON.
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205. YEAH, IT'S GREAT
TO BE HERE TONIGHT.
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206. IT'S MY ANNIVERSARY.
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207. THAT'S RIGHT.
I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR FIVE YEARS...
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208. TO A MAN.
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209. ABOUT IT THOUGH.
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210. AS BEING SOMEWHAT DIFFERENT, YOU KNOW.
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211. SOMETHING OTHER THAN...
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212. READING PLAYBOYS AND DRINKING BLACK LABEL.
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213. "MORNING, HONEY. SURE WISH
I COULD STICK AROUND WAITING ON YOU HAND AND FOOT...
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214. ALL DAY, BUT ONE OF US HAS GOTTA EARN A LIVING!"
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215.
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216. I TELL YOU.
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217. MAYBE NEXT TIME I'LL CONSIDER
MARRYING A LITTLE HIGHER UP ON THE FOOD CHAIN.
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218. AN AMOEBA OR SOMETHING.
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219.
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220. I'M NOT BITTER THOUGH.
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221. I LOVE MEN.
I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED MEN.
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222. I'LL NEVER FORGET
THE FIRST TIME I FELL IN LOVE.
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223. I WAS ABOUT 18 YEARS OLD,
YOU KNOW.
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224. I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.
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225. THE RIGHT MAN TO COME AND SWEEP ME RIGHT OFF MY FEET.
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226. JUST SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET.
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227. RIDE AT DISNEY WORLD!
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228.
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229. THE FIRST ONE.
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230. THAT'S RIGHT.
WROTE A LITTLE SONG ABOUT HIM. HE LOOKED SOMETHING LIKE YOU.
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231. MR. SMOOTH THERE
IN THE FRONT ROW. HOW YOU DOIN'? I BET YOU'VE BEEN IN LOVE, SIR.
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232. I BET YOU'VE TAKEN
SOME YOUNG LADY UNDER YOUR ARM, SIR.
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233. YOU LOVED HER, AND SHE BELIEVED YOU.
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234. I'D LIKE TO SING A SONG THAT
I WROTE FOR MY HONEY LAMB. IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
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235. YOU BASTARD!
YOU BROKE MY HEART!
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236. YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME,
YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH!
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237. YOU LAME-ASS!
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238. I NEVER FELT YOUR!
I NEVER FELT YOUR!
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239. YOU'LL LAUGH, YOU'LL GAS, YOU'LL BURN IN HELL.
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240. SAMANTHA KINISON.
THIS MONTH ON HBO.
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241. AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER VISIT WITH THE BUTTMANS.
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242. OOH, IT'S COLD OUT THERE.
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243. BUFF? HONEY, ARE YOU HOME?
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244. HI, DEAR. I'M JUST FINISHING UP IN THE KITCHEN.
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245. HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
OH, TERRIBLE.
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246. I'VE GOT A SPLITTING HEADACHE.
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247. OH, WHOO.
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248. WHOO! I JUST FEEL LIKE
MY HEAD'S ABOUT TO CRACK WIDE OPEN.
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249. OH, THAT'S AWFUL.
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250. HERE.
OH, THANKS, HON.
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251. YOUR TEMPLES.
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252. AW.
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253. THAT BOTHERED YOU TODAY?
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254. I DON'T KNOW. IT'S JUST THAT
SINCE I STARTED LOSING MY HAIR,
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255. THE GUYS AROUND THE LOADING DOCK ARE LAUGHING BEHIND MY BACK.
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256. OH.
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257. AND BESIDES THAT,
I SPLIT THIS PAIR OF PANTS TODAY,
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258. TO PICK UP A CRATE.
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259. LOOK AT THAT.
OH, THAT'S AWFUL.
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260. IT MUST BE A FAULTY PAIR.
WE SHOULD COMPLAIN TO THE MANUFACTURER.
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261. YOU'RE DARN RIGHT.
IS THERE A LABEL IN THERE?
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262. WELL, LET'S SEE.
THEY USUALLY KEEP ONE AROUND THE, UH—
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263.
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264. OH, WHAT THE HELL.
ANOTHER 20 BUCKS DOWN THE HOLE.
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265. - HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
- YOU KNOW, THE ODDEST THING HAPPENED.
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266. WE TOOK THE KIDS ON THE ROLLER COASTER RIDE...
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267. AND WE COULDN'T
FIGURE OUT WHAT THAT WHISTLING SOUND WAS?
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268. YEAH. IT SOUNDED LIKE
A HILLBILLY JUG BAND OR SOMETHING.
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269. WELL, ON THE WAY
TO SCHOOL TODAY,
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270. OUT THE WINDOW, AND I HEARD IT AGAIN.
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271. WEIRD.
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272. MUST BE THE KIDS.
MUST HAVE FORGOT THEIR KEYS AGAIN.
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273. AW, HOW'S MY LITTLE BUDDIES?
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274. WHEW. IT'S COLD OUT THERE.
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275. YOUR FACE OFF.
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276. HI, DADDY.
HI, MUFFIN.
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277. I BROUGHT THE MAIL IN.
OH, THANK YOU.
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278. HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?
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279. IT WAS FINE, EXCEPT JIMMY GOT
IN TROUBLE 'CAUSE HE KEPT GIVING MISS JENKINS RASPBERRIES.
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280. DID NOT!
YOU DID TOO.
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281. NOT! NOT!
YOU DID TOO!
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282.
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283. STOP THAT. I'LL HAVE
NONE OF THAT IN MY HOUSE.
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284. AND YOU, YOUNG MAN. WHAT'S
THIS ON THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD? WHAT, DAD?
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285. THIS.
AW, THEY DID IT AGAIN?
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286. "PLANET URANUS."
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287. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
I DON'T KNOW, SON.
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288. OF THAT ASININE HUMOR.
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289. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEARN
JUST TO TURN THE OTHER CHEEK.
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290. DADDY?
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291. YES, PUMPKIN?
DADDY, CAN I GET SOME, UM, HAIR EXTENSIONS?
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292. OH, PUMPKIN,
YOU NEED THAT LIKE YOU NEED ANOTHER HOLE IN YOUR HEAD.
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293. DADDY, BUT THE BOYS
SEEM TO LIKE 'EM.
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294. WELL, THOSE BOYS ARE
JUST PACKING YOUR HEAD FULL OF NONSENSE.
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295. I'LL GET IT.
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296. MRS. BUTTMAN?
YES.
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297. GAS MAN.
WE DIDN'T CALL THE GAS MAN.
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298. GOOD GOD!
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299. FOOT AND ASS IN THIS HOUSE.
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300. WHOO!
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301. MAN!
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302. UH, THERE'S BEEN A REPORT
OF A GAS LEAK IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD,
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303. AND, UH, JUDGING FROM
THE SMELL OF THINGS, I THINK IT'S COMING FROM THIS HOUSE.
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304. I DON'T SMELL ANYTHING.
DO YOU SMELL ANYTHING? NO, MA.
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305. NOT AT ALL.
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306. CHECK NEXT DOOR AT THE DICKENS HOUSE.
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307. THANKS A LOT,
MR. BUTTMAN.
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308. LOOK HERE, MAN,
IF Y'ALL AIN'T GONNA LIGHT A MATCH,
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309. INVEST IN SOME INCENSE.
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310. WHOO!
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311.
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312. EVERYBODY, COME HERE.
YOU'VE GOTTA SEE THIS. WHAT?
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313. OH, JUST COME ON.
YOU'LL SEE.
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314. OOH! WOW!
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315. IT'S A FULL MOON.
A FULL MOON.
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316. YOU KNOW,
SOMETIMES I THINK THE MOON WAS MADE JUST FOR US.
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317. MM-HMM.
JOIN US AGAIN NEXT WEEK...
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318. WITH THE BUTTMANS.
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319. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
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320. WE HAD A LOT OF FUN THIS SEASON.
WE WANT EVERYBODY TO HAVE A FUN AND SAFE SUMMER,
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321. AND WE'LL SEE YOU IN THE FALL.
LATER.
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