In Living Color 1x10

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An ad for a new celebrity toy; a forgetful Don Cornelius hosting "Old Train"; a female bodybuilding contest.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.

2. WHAT'S UP? HOW Y'ALL DOIN'?

3. ALL RIGHT, GOOD, YOU READY TO HAVE SOME FUN? YEAH!

4. ALL RIGHT, COOL, COOL.

5. WELL, I'M KEENEN IVORY WAYANS AND THIS IS IN LIVING COLOR.

6. YOU KNOW, UH—

7. YOU GUYS SOMETHING.

8. MIKE TYSON INVITED ME TO COME, LIKE, CHECK OUT HIS FIGHT.

9. Y'ALL THINK IT'S A SETUP?

10. I FIGURED I'D TELL THE WORLD SO IF ANYTHING HAPPENS,

11. WHAT'S UP, OKAY?

12. BE WATCHING MY BACK. BEFORE WE GET STARTED, SAY HELLO TO MY D.J.-- S.W. ONE.

13.

14. MY FLY GIRLS, STARTING OVER HERE WITH CARI,

15. DEIDRE, CARRIE ANN, MICHELLE AND LISA.

16. ALL RIGHT, GIVE US A FEW SECONDS, WE'LL BE BACK, SIT TIGHT.

17. HIT IT.

18. ARE YOU BORED? NOTHING TO DO?

19. LIKE FAMILY NAP TIME? WELL, WAKE UP!

20. IT'S TIME FOR FUN WITH THE MICHAEL JACKSON POTATO HEAD KIT.

21. THAT'S RIGHT.

22. OF MICHAEL JACKSON...

23. POTATO HEAD KIT.

24. FOUR HUNDRED MOLDED, PLASTIC FACIAL FEATURES...

25. MICHAEL'S EVER-CHANGING FACE...

26. HIS PLASTIC SURGERY OPERATIONS.

27. POTATO HEAD LOOK LIKE HE LOOKED...

28. THE JACKSON FIVE, WITH A STRONG AFRO-AMERICAN NOSE...

29. AND A BIG 'FRO.

30. INTO THE MICHAEL OF APRIL, 1986,

31. HIS THIRD NOSE JOB,

32. CHEEKBONE RECONSTRUCTION...

33. ADDED TO HIS CHIN.

34. NOW, KEEPING THE APRIL 1986 FACE AS IT IS,

35. WITH HAIRPIECE NUMBER 139-D...

36. AND LOOK WHO YOU'VE JUST MADE.

37. IT'S MICHAEL JACKSON'S OWN IDOL— DIANA ROSS!

38. NOW, JUST ADD MOLE NUMBER FIVE-D,

39. AND YOU'VE MADE MICHAEL'S FABULOUS SISTER, JANET.

40. TAKE AWAY THE NOSE COMPLETELY, AND YOU'VE JUST MADE LATOYA.

41. LOOK, EVERYBODY! I'VE MADE MICHAEL LOOK...

42. ON THE FRONT OF HIS BAD ALBUM.

43. THAT'S GREAT, SON. BUT YOU KNOW, SOMETHING'S JUST NOT QUITE RIGHT.

44. I KNOW.

45. THAT'S RIGHT. WITH JUST AN ORDINARY KITCHEN VEGETABLE PEELER,

46. YOU CAN SIMULATE MICHAEL'S CHEMICAL FACE PEEL AND DERMABRASION SCRUBS.

47. YOUR FAMILY'S IMAGINATION.

48. THE MAXIO FACIALARY FUN.

49. POTATO HEAD KIT FROM DEM-CO.

50. ACCESSORY SOLD SEPARATELY.

51. HE'S A LOVER, HE'S A FIGHTER.

52. HE'S KEENEN AND DAMON'S BROTHER.

53. YOU'VE SEEN HIM SPIN RECORDS ON IN LIVING COLOR.

54. IN HIS SCREEN DEBUT.

55. THE WAYANS COMPANY, IN ASSOCIATION WITH TIGER BEAT MAGAZINE,

56. IS PROUD TO PRESENT S.W. ONE IN DISC JOCKEY, DEATH JOCKEY.

57. A THEATER NEAR YOU.

58. WE'LL BE THERE.

59. THE "AMBIQUITY" THAT I FEEL...

60. NEVER JUSTIFIES ITSELF.

61. THERE'S ALWAYS THE PUNGENT ODOR OF LIFE'S CONSTIPATION...

62. CONFLICTS WITH THE DETRIMENTAL INSTABILITY,

63. HITHERTO FORE, SIX-EIGHT, WHO DO WE APPRECIATE,

64. THE UNIFICATION OF CONGRESS—

65. EXCUSE ME. CONDOMS—

66. OF PROFANITY...

67. OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

68. HERE, LET ME DIGRESS MY BOWELS FOR A MINUTE...

69. THE NONDESCRIPT HERNIA...

70. OF FETAL, OR FECAL,

71. YOUR HEAD IS AT.

72. READING IS FUNDAMENTAL.

73. BY THE POMPOUS FEDORA...

74. THE EQUILIBRIUM FORTIFIED...

75. BY THE GOVERNMENT'S INABILITY TO ERADICATE,

76. OR FORESHADOW, TAKEN FROM THE HEBREW WORD— FORESKIN.

77. PAID FOR BY...

78. NOW, EDNA LOUISE, I WANT YOU TO SIT DOWN...

79. WRITE AN APOLOGY LETTER TO MR. FERGUSON.

80. PULLING OFF THE PRINCIPAL'S HAIRPIECE WAS NOT VERY NICE.

81. YEAH, BUT SURE WAS FUNNY. WHAT DID YOU SAY?

82. I SAID, SURE, HONEY. DON'T BE A SMARTY-PANTS.

83. AS FOR YOU, PARNELL, THERE'LL BE NO TALKING FROM YOU. YOU'RE IN ENOUGH TROUBLE AS IT IS.

84. PARNELL, YOU'RE IN ENOUGH TROUBLE AS IT IS.

85. HEY, IT'S YOUR FAULT I'M IN HERE, EDNA.

86. HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT?

87. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GAVE MRS. KEY MY CHOCOLATE BAR IN THE FIRST PLACE.

88. IT WAS A LAXATIVE, PUKUS-MAXIMUS!

89. YOU SNOOZE YOU LOSE. BLOW IT OUT YOUR HINEY-HORN!

90. GOOD ONE.

91. DEAR MR. FERGUSON, I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU ARE BALDHEADED...

92. WITH THAT UGLY WIG THAT DOESN'T FOOL ANYBODY.

93. THAT YOU ARE FAT AND UGLY...

94. AND NOBODY LIKES YOU, NOT EVEN YOUR WIFE,

95. SMELLS LIKE ROADKILL.

96. ACCEPT MY APOLOGY. EDNA LOUISE.

97. THERE. I THINK HE'LL LIKE IT.

98. HEY, WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING, BARF-A-SAURUS.

99. IN YOUR WEB OF INTRIGUE. PARNELL, LOOK.

100. DANCE WITH THE DEAD! DANCE WITH THE DEAD! DANCE WITH THE DEAD!

101. OF BIOLOGICAL PETRIFICATION...

102. SCIENTIFIC PURPOSES ONLY.

103. OH, YEAH? WELL, I THINK IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR MOM. DOES NOT!

104. DOES TOO! HEY, MRS. PARNELL, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU LOST SOME WEIGHT.

105. YOU KNOW SOMETHING, YOU AND THAT BUTT-HEAD SEEM TO HAVE THE SAME BONE STRUCTURE.

106. TO DANCE OVER HERE?

107. DANCE WITH THE DEAD! DANCE WITH THE— UH-OH!

108. HEY, PARNELL. WAY TO GO!

109. PARNELL? PARNELL? PARNELL? PARNELL? I'M NOT LISTENING!

110. YES, YOU ARE. AM NOT.

111. ARE SO. AM NOT.

112. ARE SO. AM NOT.

113. ARE SO!

114. YOU BETTER STOP—

115. I HATE IT WHEN—

116. I SORTA—

117. MRS. KEEGAN! MRS. KEEGAN!

118. HEY, PARNELL, HERE'S MY IMPRESSION OF YOU.

119.

120. SHUT UP.

121. MY TEETH DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT. THEY DO SO!

122. WATCH OUT, EVERYONE! HERE COMES PARNELL'S TEETH!

123. THEY'LL EAT YOU UP!

124. HEY, PARNELL, LOOK!

125.

126. FOR DOG WEENIE.

127. I'M SURE. PARNELL, LOOK AT THIS.

128. IT'S MY OLD FRIEND, TOADY WOADY NOADY GOADY. RIBBIT!

129. IT'S NOT A TOAD, IT'S A FROG. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT KIND. OH, DUH.

130. I DO TOO. IT'S A DEAD FROG.

131. IT'S A SOUTH AMERICAN SPECKLED LEAPER,

132. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MISS. OH, PARNELL.

133. YOU ARE SO SMART. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. YEAH?

134. YOU KNOW WHAT, PARNELL? I HEARD THAT IF YOU, UM,

135. AND YOUR HAND IS BIGGER,

136. THAT MEANS YOU'RE SUPER-INTELLIGENT.

137. I'M REALLY A GENIUS. - NOT!

138. OH, WAY TO GO, EDNA! NOW MY NOSE IS STARTING TO BLEED!

139. PARNELL. PARNELL, HEY, I KNOW HOW TO FIX A NOSEBLEED.

140. HOW? YOU HAVE TO LIE ON A FLAT SURFACE.

141. HERE, YOU BETTER LIE ON MISS KEEGAN'S DESK. WHAT?

142. YOUR LEGS UP IN THE AIR.

143. SOMETHING IN-BETWEEN YOUR LEGS.

144. HAVE TO PLUG YOUR EARS UP...

145. AND YOU HAVE TO SAY, "SNOT, SNOT," OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

146. THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK! IT IS TOO! JUST DO IT! SNOT, SNOT, SNOT.

147. OH! SNOT, SNOT, SNOT, SNOT, SNOT,

148. SNOT, SNOT, SNOT, SNOT, SNOT...

149. - WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? - MRS. KEEGAN,

150. TO THE EDUCATIVE PROCESS.

151. COMPLETELY OUT OF HIS MIND. I CANNOT THINK STRAIGHT.

152. - ... SNOT, SNOT, SNOT, SNOT... - EDNA. EDNA LOUISE, GET YOUR BOOKS.

153. EDNA, GET YOUR BOOKS. COME ON. SHH.

154. I THINK WE'D BETTER LEAVE VERY QUIETLY. PARNELL IS HAVING PROBLEMS.

155. YES. YOU KNOW SOMETHING ELSE, MRS. KEEGAN?

156. I THINK I'D BETTER STAY HOME FROM SCHOOL TOMORROW,

157. BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THROUGH A TERRIBLE TRAUMA. SNOT, SNOT, SNOT, SNOT.

158. WELCOME TO UNCLE JOE'S FAIRYTALES AND BARBECUE RECIPES.

159. NOT SO FAR AWAY, THERE LIVED A GAL NAMED RAPUNZLE.

160. SHE WAS PRETTY. I MEAN, SHE WAS FINE.

161. BUT HER DADDY DIDN'T WANT ANY OF THE YOUNG MEN TO MESS WITH HER.

162. HUH. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

163. SO THAT NOBODY COULD GET TO HER.

164. RAPUNZLE! RAPUNZLE!

165. FAIRER THAN THEE.

166. ON FIRST, I FELL IN LOVE WITH THEE,

167. PORTEND, MY FAIR MAIDEN, AND LET ME PROVE THYSELF TO THOU.

168. AND COULD FLY UP TO THEE.

169. SOAR ON WINGS OF LOVE...

170. FOR THEE, FAIR MAIDEN, RAPUNZLE!

171. I AIN'T UNDERSTOOD A WORD YOU SAID.

172. RAPUNZLE DON'T LIVE HERE NO MORE. SHE GOT EVICTED.

173. BATWINDA MOLICA HIGHTOWER JR.

174. AND I ON THE CUSP OF VIRGO.

175. SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME ON UP HERE AND BUST THAT RESCUE MOVE?

176. LOOK HERE, BABY, UH, THROW DOWN THOSE CURLY LOCKS,

177. AND I'LL CLIMB ON UP AND WE'LL GET BUSY.

178. OUCH! OHH!

179. DAMN HAIR WEAVE!

180. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE PULLED IT SO HARD, STUPID!

181. GOOD MORNING, EVERYBODY. I'M HUBERT—

182. NO, I'M-I'M FRED—

183. AM I RON O'NEIL? DON CORNELIUS.

184. DON CORNELIUS.

185. ALL THE WAY FROM ETHIOPIA.

186. THAT'S ENGLAND. ENGLAND. ETHIOPIA, ENGLAND.

187. BUT BEFORE WE GET TO THAT, LET'S GET TO THIS, A GROUP—

188. OF THE GROUP.

189. FINE ONE CARNIVAL. FINE YOUNG CANNIBALS.

190. THAT'S RIGHT, FINE YOUNG CANNIBALS.

191. BUT BEFORE WE GET TO THAT, LET'S GET TO A GROOVE...

192. THAT'S SURE ENOUGH GONNA MAKE YOU WANT TO BOOGIE WHILE YOU WOOGIE, BOOGIE—

193. ON THE DANCE FLOOR! ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

194. MY MAIN MAN, FAT G.

195. THAT'S HEAVY D! AND THE BOYS.

196. AND RIGHT NOW, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET TWO MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY.

197. OLD TRAIN DANCERS. YES, TWO OF THE OLD TRAIN DANCERS.

198. AND YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN? METHUSELAH.

199. AND YOU? JANE PITTMAN.

200. AS YOU BOTH KNOW, YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS...

201. THE NAME OF A VERY FAMOUS TALKING HORSE.

202. AND I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT— IT'S NOT LIONEL RICHIE.

203. AND WHILE THEY DO THAT, WE'LL DO THIS.

204. YES. AND YOU ARE?

205. ♪ DRIVES ME CRAZY AND I— ♪ YES, AND YOU?

206. OH, YES, YES.

207. YOU ALL MUST BE...

208. VERY... VERY PROUD OF YOUR SUCCESS.

209. WELL, WE FIRST STARTED OUT—

210. AND DO ANOTHER SONG FOR US?

211. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GIVE IT UP FOR FINE ONE MAMMAL.

212. YES, THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR BOOGEYING TODAY.

213. AND I'M DON... CORLEONE.

214. AND, AS USUAL, IT'S ALWAYS IN PARTING...

215. THAT WE WISH YOU LOVE, PEACE AND...

216. SOUL!

217. GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

218. I'M ROGER SPITTMAN FOR THE WILD WORLD OF SPORTS.

219. THE FINAL ROUND...

220. SWEETHEARTS BODYBUILDING COMPETITION...

221. LAS VEGAS, NEVADA.

222. IT'S THE GREASED-UP POSE PORTION OF THE SHOW.

223. PRETTY FIERCE HERE.

224. OUR FIRST COMPETITOR.

225. SHE'S SARA SUNKIST FROM SALAMANDER, CALIFORNIA.

226.

227. THIS IS HER FIRST FINALS,

228. NOT A LOT OF MUSCLE MASS, AND STILL QUITE FEMININE.

229. AND QUITE FRANKLY, I DON'T LIKE THAT AND NEITHER DO THE JUDGES.

230. SHE'S GONNA HAVE A TOUGH TIME HERE TODAY.

231. NEXT IS CARLA MEALS. SHE'S 5 FOOT 7, 140 POUNDS,

232. FROM BEAVERTON, WISCONSIN.

233. PRETTY GOOD DEFINITION.

234. BUT SHE'S HAVING TROUBLE GETTING RID OF THOSE DARN BREASTS,

235. AND THAT'S GONNA COUNT AGAINST HER.

236. I MEAN, LOOK AT THEM. THEY JUST WON'T GO AWAY.

237. AND FINALLY, THE COMPETITOR EVERYONE'S BEEN WAITING TO SEE. VERA! VERA! VERA!

238. VERA! VERA! VERA! VERA! VERA! VERA! YOU CAN FEEL THE ANTICIPATION.

239. OH, BOY!

240. OH, BOY!

241. YEAH! WHAT AN ENTRANCE!

242. THE LADY, THE CONTROVERSY, THE PRODUCTION.

243. DeMILO.

244. OH, SHE IS AWESOME!

245. SOME SAY SHE'S GONE TOO FAR, BUT I HAVE TO DISAGREE.

246. OF COURSE, SHE'S THE ONLY WOMAN ON THE CIRCUIT WHO GOES TO THE BATHROOM STANDING UP.

247. OH, YEAH, SHE IS WORKING IT TONIGHT.

248. SHE IS IN TOP— OH! OH! LOOK THERE! THERE SHE GOES.

249. THE PREGNANT OBSTETRIC PUSH.

250. IT'S HER ODE TO THE MYSTERY OF MOTHERHOOD.

251. OH, BABY! SHE IS HARD AS A ROCK!

252. MAGNIFICENT!

253.

254. AFTER A PERFORMANCE LIKE THAT, CAN THERE BE ANY DOUBT? NO!

255. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE JUDGES HAVE COME TO A DECISION.

256. AND THE WINNER IS...

257. DeMILO!

258. ON A GREAT VICTORY FOR YOU, PRINCESS.

259. THAT YOU HAVE USED STEROIDS.

260. UH, DO YOU CARE TO COMMENT ON THAT, LITTLE LADY?

261. YES, I WOULD, ROGER.

262. I DON'T KNOW WHO'S STARTING THOSE RUMORS,

263. ARE A LOT OF JEALOUS PEOPLE OUT THERE...

264. WHO AREN'T WILLING TO DO THE WORK IT TAKES TO LOOK LIKE THIS.

265. LET'S FACE IT, WOMEN SEE ME, THEY WANT TO BE ME.

266. WELL SAID. WELL SAID. COULD YOU JUST TELL ME ONE MORE THING THEN, VERA?

267. SURE.

268. I GOT TO ASK YOU THIS. UH, WHAT IS THAT BULGE IN FRONT OF YOUR TROUSERS?

269. NOW, NOW. A GIRL'S GOT TO HAVE HER LITTLE SECRETS.

270.

271. THAT'S WHERE I KEEP MY CHEWING TOBACCO.

272. STILL HAVE THAT WONDERFULLY FEMININE SENSE OF HUMOR.

273. OH, THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND AND TRAINER, BART. AND-AND WHAT A LUCKY MAN.

274. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, BABY. LOOK AT HER! ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL? OH! OH!

275. VERA! VERA! VERA! VERA! VERA!

276. VERA! VERA! THERE YOU HAVE IT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

277. A BEAUTIFUL STORY.

278. FOR WILD WORLD OF SPORTS, I'M ROGER SPITTMAN. CATCH YOU NEXT TIME.

279. VERA! VERA! VERA!

280. THANK YOU. HOPE YOU HAD FUN.

281. WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME AROUND. TAKE CARE. BYE-BYE!