Impractical Jokers 6x3

1. Coming up, why is Murr

2. getting something off his chest?

3. My nipples are so hard under this apron.

4. Why is Joe getting jockey with it?

5. I was drying it out.

6. And which losing joker

7. will have daddy issues in tonight's punishment?

8. Prepare for something amazing.

9. Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

10. I want my mommy!

11. I will never forgive you!

12. Larry!

13. Today, we're here at Food Bazaar

14. putting sticky notes on unsuspecting shoppers.

15. We're competing head to head,

16. joker versus joker, note for note.

17. The last person to attach a note without getting caught

18. before a shopper leaves the playing area wins.

19. Ready to do it?

20. All right, from the makers of the balloon challenge

21. comes the Post-it Note challenge.

22. You guys choose a target.

23. When they enter the playing field, the game is on.

24. Whoever gets the most sticky notes on their back

25. without getting caught wins.

26. Okay. Best two out of three.

27. Q: Oh, look at that! Sal got one in!

28. Joe, your turn, buddy. Your turn.

29. You know, they have the solid cheeses,

30. - but if you want — - I should get the Parmesan.

31. Get the Parmesan.

32. - Simply Orange. You got two. - I don't know if we should.

33. - Oh, Joe got one. - Wow.

34. Simply Orange is 3 for $10.

35. It's all tied up.

36. They don't have — They don't have the...

37. He's eyeing you guys.

38. This guy's radar is pinging right now.

39. Oh! Oh! Sal's fell off!

40. But nobody was caught, so the game's still on.

41. If we get the two yogurts, we can do it.

42. Gouda?

43. You like stickies? Here.

44. Play with the stickies. They stick.

45. There you go.

46. All right. Now the kid's got it.

47. The kid's playing with it. Stickies are fun.

48. - You gave it to the kid. - I gave it open,

49. but the father took it and stuck it on this kid.

50. Okay. Wait till the kid throws it.

51. That was a genius move.

52. Why are you not giving me props for that?

53. I made a fake list, and I said,

54. "Oh, I love these stickies. You want a sticky?"

55. Then he stuck it on his own son.

56. I used him as a delivery system.

57. It was brilliant.

58. Why you guys —

59. That's a big-time move I just did.

60. No one's impressed.

61. And the kid dropped it, so —

62. Oh, he's about to leave the aisle!

63. - Oh! - Oh!

64. Sal loses.

65. Bad luck. The Sal Vulcano way, baby.

66. Oh, awesome, man. Thanks.

67. Oh, this guy's a fan of the show.

68. Yeah, I got a piece of paper right here.

69. I actually happen to have a Post-it.

70. I'll see if I can get a pen for you.

71. Troy — Yeah. My son's name is Troy.

72. Troy.

73. - I'll sign that for you. - There you go, man.

74. - Excellent. - Say hi to him for us, man.

75. - I appreciate it. - Thanks. Appreciate it.

76. Oh! Sal!

77. He slipped it on a fan.

78. Q: That's smart.

79. Listen, it's a pleasure, man. It was a pleasure to meet you.

80. Oh! Oh! It's tied up!

81. Sal gets caught!

82. Joe Gatto steals it!

83. Guys, good luck out there.

84. Damn it. I don't have a jacket.

85. - You don't have a jacket? - No, and my —

86. Oh, your nipples are gonna be popping right out.

87. They're getting it already. You see this? Already?

88. These are cream cheese?

89. Dope.

90. Mmm.

91. Oh. Oh. I'm so sorry.

92. Oh, here we go. Oh, my God.

93. All right. Whoo. Almost went down.

94. - Are you guys okay? - I'm okay, yeah.

95. You okay, sir? You all right?

96. - Wow! - Oh, oh, oh!

97. Yeah, no, I'm okay.

98. Are you guys — It doesn't seem like you're okay.

99. Wow. Murray's got an answer for every one.

100. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you.

101. Thank you. And thank you for being such a good Samaritan.

102. Appreciate it. You all right? All right.

103. What do you got there? Bananas?

104. The bananas — I think the bananas are on sale, by the way.

105. They're like $3. They're on sale.

106. No, no, those were on sale last week. Last week.

107. - Are you sure? - Last week.

108. He's like a walking desk. Oh, my God.

109. They have the circular over there.

110. The circular shows them on sale. 5-5.

111. 10 Post-its on this man.

112. Looks like my old cubicle.

113. Well, hey, thanks for the help.

114. Oh, my God. 6-5. 11 Post-its.

115. To be honest, that guy kind of had it coming.

116. He's tripping on the aisle. You know? I mean, come on.

117. 13 Post-its. 7-6.

118. Do you mind if I grab that?

119. I'm actually gonna grab the Starbucks.

120. 14 Post-its.

121. That one is the most delicious.

122. - Oh, sorry, sir. - You okay?

123. Oh! Purple down!

124. Nope, nope. It's back. It's back.

125. And that's it!

126. Is he blaming — Who's he blaming?

127. Sir, can I ask you a question?

128. Who do you think did that?

129. That guy?

130. Worth a bite or not?

131. These are good.

132. Like, good, like, good or like...?

133. Yeah. I could get you some if you want.

134. You're going to eat one dozen cannolis?

135. You're not. You're gonna get sick.

136. I'm not making you do it, even for the joke, okay?

137. I'm your friend.

138. Joe, stop.

139. I got them in a good clip right now.

140. Joe, holy Five cannolis.

141. They got to be at least 150 calories each.

142. All you do is drink coffee and pastries.

143. He just goes glug, glug,

144. and he's like, "All right! Let's go, let's go, let's go!"

145. You also — You also had a macaroon.

146. Oh, you got to be kidding me. Look at this guy.

147. What do you think that this is gonna do for you?

148. - It's gonna cover his nipples. - It's gonna cover my nipples.

149. That's all it's doing.

150. That's all it's doing, is covering his nipples.

151. Ma'am, we've got a sale on everything here on the right —

152. on the left if you'd like today, okay?

153. So please help yourself.

154. And Murray's in, using credibility

155. from the apron that's covering his nipples.

156. He went high! He went high!

157. Oh, my God. And she has no clue whatsoever.

158. And I feel like her bun will help it stay on

159. if it starts to fall.

160. I don't know if you saw these. These are 3 for $10.

161. Oh, Q's fell!

162. Q, this nipple-covering apron

163. may prove to be the death of you.

164. Is this — is the cream...?

165. - Is this on sale? - Stay over there.

166. It's a question — if it's on sale.

167. It's not on sale, sir. Cheapo.

168. - Oh, Murray's up. - It is his turn.

169. Wow! She's really loading up.

170. Oh, she's going 3 for $10. She's doing the 3 for $10 deal.

171. Great deal here. 3 for $10 on the Tropicana.

172. By the way, it's all varieties.

173. Oh, the bread?

174. I used to work in the bakery department.

175. I used to work right around the bakery department,

176. and then they switched me to the frozen foods,

177. and now I'm freezing all day!

178. My nipples are so hard under this apron.

179. Oh, that's a weird thing for your grocer to tell you.

180. I've never had a grocer talk to me about their nipples.

181. I'm sorry. I think you have my cart, sweetheart.

182. - Oh, my God. - Tied up, tied up.

183. - He tied it up. - I forgot. I just came for this.

184. - Look at this. Look at this! - All right. Thank you.

185. She's leaving the aisle. .

186. She's getting away. Hurry up.

187. Pay attention to her feet!

188. The sharks, the sharks. Circling.

189. She's gonna step over!

190. Don't forget about the other juices on the right.

191. Oh! He got it! He got it. His foot was in.

192. - Wow! - Have a great day, okay?

193. Good work, buddy.

194. Take note —

195. Q and Sal are stuck on the loser board.

196. Today, we're working as field reporters in the park,

197. only we've arrived too late and completely missed

198. the incident we're supposed to cover.

199. What's a reporter to do?

200. We're going to have to convince a stranger

201. to repeat a crazy quote into this recorder.

202. The catch is that these ridiculous quotes

203. have been made up by the other guys.

204. If you can't get the stranger to recite the quote, you lose.

205. Let's take minute and just reflect on what's going on here.

206. What? James Murray, ace reporter!

207. - Oh, my God. - No?

208. It's a Double Down challenge.

209. What time is it? Time for a quote.

210. Where in the hell am I gonna get this quote?

211. Guys, did you just come from over at that end of the park?

212. Yeah. I'm a reporter with the Staten Island Bugle.

213. I'm supposed to get a quote on a story.

214. They're already gone? Damn it.

215. The story was that there was a man dressed as a ghost

216. and he defecated himself.

217. - Oh, I missed it!

218. I'm supposed to get a quote for the article I got to right.

219. Can one of you guys help me out?

220. Can one of you guys just give me the quote?

221. I can run right back, finish the article,

222. and get it printed, and I won't lose my damn job.

223. Some would call him a freak,

224. but that dude was the Yeah!

225. - No, no! - "Sheet."

226. Sheet, sheet, sheet. It's a pun.

227. Some would call him a freak, but that dude was da sheet.

228. Yes. Thanks, man. Yes!

229. The glasses and the tweed jacket does it every time.

230. Q: It's the outfit. It's the outfit.

231. Oh, man. Is it over?

232. Boys, bad news — I missed the whole thing.

233. You did?

234. Hi, hon. I'm with the press. I don't know if you heard —

235. a woman gave birth to twins without any assistance.

236. Actually, yeah, right up there. I already wrote the quote.

237. It's super easy. I just need somebody to say...

238. That's the quote I wrote. No? Well, no —

239. No? Are you sure? Because I got a deadline.

240. I got a deadline.

241. Excuse me, ladies.

242. I'm trying to get a quote for an article

243. for the Staten Island Retreat newspaper.

244. Would you guys mind two seconds?

245. It would really help me out.

246. But you said that in English.

247. What happened was, uh,

248. there was an oil spill right off New York today.

249. And I just need someone to say...

250. That black stuff be sticky.

251. - Oh! - Oh, man!

252. Are you here visiting a boyfriend or...?

253. You know, I had escargot once.

254. - All right, Sal. - Excuse me, ma'am.

255. Did you see the flower planting ceremony

256. by the city here today?

257. I'm just looking to get a quote for the paper.

258. Um, the city's gonna be planting

259. all new flowers in the park.

260. I also wrote the article out, and I have a quote here

261. that would work great for that article.

262. I was wondering if you could say...

263. All right, Sal, we like this one a lot,

264. so we're gonna give you another shot at it, buddy.

265. Go ahead. Oh, God.

266. In fact, Sal, you can't stop

267. until someone gives you that quote, buddy.

268. Excuse me, miss.

269. In regards to the flowers being planted,

270. would you be willing to say this quote here?

271. "I voted for cactus,

272. but nobody cares what this old lesbian thinks."

273. Oh, okay.

274. you guys.

275. "I voted for cactuses,

276. but nobody cares what this old lesbian thinks."

277. So I was wondering if you could just say —

278. if you could quote that, and I can just put it in the paper.

279. I wanted someone to say, "I voted for cactus,

280. but nobody cares what this old lesbian thinks."

281. I voted for cactus...

282. but nobody cares what this old lesbian thinks."

283. Thank you so much.

284. - Oh, my God. - Wow.

285. Have a great day.

286. Joe missed his deadline,

287. so he's doing double time on the loser board.

288. It's a Joker vs. Joker challenge,

289. and today, Joe and Q

290. are facing off as financial planners.

291. While meeting with prospective clients,

292. we'll have to do and say what the other guys tell us.

293. At the end, we'll ask them to rate

294. how likely they are to come back for another meeting.

295. Whoever gets the lowest score loses.

296. How you doing? Samuel.

297. Good. Brian. Hey. How are you? Very nice to meet you.

298. All right, so you know what we're doing here, Samuel?

299. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

300. What are you interested in learning about?

301. Is there any specific area

302. that you're interested in learning about?

303. Yeah, um, I actually have a couple questions.

304. Stop right there. Let me tell you about me.

305. All right, let me tell you about me, though.

306. Okay.

307. I've been doing this for 10 years.

308. I've been doing this for 10 years.

309. Okay. Matter of fact...

310. You know, matter of fact...

311. I just made $27.

312. I just made $27. Oh, nice.

313. $27 every 10 seconds.

314. Every 10 seconds, on average,

315. my portfolio... $27.

316. Now I have $54. Nice.

317. So, you got a savings account and?

318. Oh, I got him!

319. He can't do it!

320. What are you looking at? What are you looking at?

321. I have a book over here.

322. There's nothing back there, bud. Ask him.

323. So, do you have a savings account and?

324. I do.

325. You do. Okay. Yes.

326. Do you have a will?

327. Do you have a will?

328. I don't have a will. You don't have a will?

329. No. Everyone should have a will.

330. I'm actually leaving everything in my will

331. to my high-school crush.

332. Like, I have a will. I'm actually leaving everything

333. in my will to my high-school crush.

334. Oh, my goodness.

335. Hopefully, she'll realize I'm a nice guy.

336. The idea being, like,

337. she'll realize that I'm a nice guy.

338. And then we can go on a date in heaven.

339. And when she gets to heaven, we could date.

340. You know what I'm saying? Right, right.

341. It's a big sticking point with my wife.

342. Right, right.

343. All right. Let's see how you did.

344. On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely are you

345. to have another meeting with me?

346. - Like 8. - 8?

347. - 8? Oh!

348. You're gonna make a load of money.

349. I hope so. Let's do it.

350. Great. Joe. Have a seat, pal.

351. All right, Ray, so, I'll give you

352. an overview of basically how it is,

353. this financial plan that's right for you.

354. Keep saying "shtock market."

355. Shtock, shtock.

356. We talk a lot about the shtock market,

357. shtocks in general.

358. I don't know if you own any shtocks,

359. dividends, bonds, shtocks.

360. We talk about all that.

361. You want to probably try to keep down the amount

362. of credit-card debt you're in.

363. Very smart.

364. You want a negative balance on all your credit cards.

365. You want a negative balance on all your credit cards, actually.

366. I always send in extra money every month.

367. I always send in extra money.

368. When people ask me about my credit score...

369. So that when somebody asks me about my credit score...

370. I tell them those bitches owe me money, son.

371. I'm like, "Those bitches owe me money, son."

372. What do you do now?

373. Security guard. Security guard. Great.

374. Turn around and look at the shelf behind you, bud.

375. I had a book back here that — Oh.

376. Q: It's a wet jock strap drying behind his head.

377. You're here for financial planning.

378. Sorry, I accidentally left my jock strap out.

379. - I was drying the sweat out. - I was drying it out.

380. Put it on the desk.

381. Ah.

382. Talk to me about your retirement a little bit.

383. Paint me a picture of what you think your retirement would be like.

384. - I think to enjoy life. - Now close your eyes.

385. Nice, warm, like Florida maybe, in the Caribbean or something?

386. Yeah, yeah, margarita in your hand.

387. Get carried away. No shirt on,

388. just taking in those sun rays.

389. It's nice. That's it, baby.

390. Maybe you're in a hammock. Fresh coconut.

391. Maybe I'm rubbing some lotion on you.

392. Maybe, you know, I'm rubbing some lotion on you.

393. No, I'm sorry. I got caught up. I got caught up. I'm kidding.

394. On a scale of 1 to 10,

395. how likely would you be to have another meeting with me?

396. I would say about an 8. An 8? That high. Great.

397. - 8. - It's a dead tie.

398. Wow, buddy! Shtocks.

399. Both Q and Joe had their finances in order,

400. but Joe is still tonight's big loser.

401. Joe lost, so today,

402. we're here at Twinkle Playspace for kids.

403. That's right. And you know what parents love?

404. They love when other parents try to do their job for them.

405. Yeah, and, Joe, you're the only parent amongst us.

406. And you're always talking about,

407. "I'm a parent, I'm a parent, I'm a parent."

408. So get in there and parent other people's kids.

409. These are my three children.

410. This is a play space for kids and their parents.

411. Parents that bring their kids here are good parents.

412. Joe doesn't think so.

413. Ooh. Is that woman texting?

414. You can't keep your eyes on your kids when you're texting, Joe.

415. That's right.

416. - What's your secret? - For?

417. Texting and watching a child at the same time.

418. Oh-oh-oh-oh!

419. I just do it.

420. Alexia!

421. I have no idea where she is, by the way.

422. Yeah, it's easy to keep —

423. It's hard to keep track of them sometimes

424. when they're running around 'cause it's a big space.

425. Q: Say the line.

426. Easier when you're, you know —

427. Easier when you're not texting.

428. It's definitely easier when you're not texting to keep an eye on them.

429. Alexia!

430. Alexia? Alexia!

431. Oh, what was that — Parent was on that slide.

432. It's for children.

433. Ah, the look!

434. Oh. Pacifiers and trampolines don't mix.

435. Pacifier and trampoline makes me nervous.

436. I don't want to see that beautiful face get busted up.

437. Get this woman right here.

438. What percentage of parents you think are good parents?

439. Let me ask you something.

440. Being here, what percentage of parents

441. do you think are good parents?

442. You know, what I did? I put a chip in my son

443. so I know where he is at all times.

444. I put a chip inside my child

445. to know where he is at all times.

446. It's a kid tracker.

447. No, but it's also — They do wonderful things. It's Wi-Fi.

448. It's Wi-Fi enabled, so it makes him

449. very popular at the playgrounds 'cause he's a Wi-Fi hotspot.

450. I can stream music and movies through him.

451. I can also stream all my movies and music.

452. If you want to use it, the password's "sugartits."

453. You have to say it. You have to say it.

454. You were on the phone before. If you want to connect

455. to my son's Wi-Fi, the password's "sugartits."

456. Oh, my God. This is miserable.

457. Nice!

458. Say, "I think he might have deuced."

459. I think this one deuced.

460. I thought it was him. One of these two deuced.

461. I think one of the two of them deuced.

462. Somebody. Somebody.

463. Somebody deuced.

464. Just say to another parent,

465. "Looks like I'm striking out all over the place here today."

466. Been striking out here all day.

467. Ooh, Joe, looks like someone else is on their phone.

468. Got to make sure you're paying attention

469. to what happens out there

470. 'cause you look down once — it's like texting and driving.

471. Are you just a nanny?

472. Are you just a guardian or...?

473. Oh, he's your son.

474. I've seen nannies text. Never seen a parent.

475. I know, 'cause sometimes I see nannies text.

476. Never seen really a parent do it.

477. Hi!

478. Go to the kid.

479. "Did you get hurt while Mommy was texting?"

480. Did he get hurt when Mommy was texting? What happened?

481. She walked away.

482. Joe Gatto just got punished here at Twinkle.

483. But it wasn't child's play putting this thing together.

484. You're gonna find out how it went down.

485. And you get bonus content from tonight's episode.

486. Check it out.

487. So, this punishment is so massive,

488. it's taking up two separate residences.

489. Follow me.

490. Excuse me.

491. And here's the BTS.

492. I'm here with Brian —

493. Aaah! The hell!

494. You can't just sneak up on someone like that.

495. Whew!

496. I'm here with Brian "Q" Quinn,

497. and he's signing some autographs for fans.

498. Q, tell me. Yeah, buddy.

499. What's the impetus for this punishment?

500. Why do you think this is gonna get Joe?

501. Uh, 'cause Joe's a parent. Yeah.

502. And Joe is very sensitive

503. to the, you know, temperament of parents.

504. Go get that one.

505. Bud, you dropped one more.

506. An adult's talking to you.

507. Special soup delivery for Murr.

508. Special soup delivery for Murr.

509. This is soup number three of the day.

510. Is that right?

511. Yes.

512. Joe's about to find out what he has to do.

513. So, this hole lost.

514. So, today, we're here at Twinkle Playspace for kids

515. for his punishment.

516. Joe Gatto, you just put your earpiece in?

517. I put my earpiece in. I got my bottle of water.

518. I'm ready to go be punished.

519. - And what is this? - This is a fake coffee.

520. - It's a microphone. - It's a microphone.

521. So, the earpiece is gonna be telling you everything

522. you have to parent today.

523. Yeah. Didn't you watch the intro?

524. - I did watch the intro. - They already saw all this.

525. What are we wasting their time for?

526. - This is a recap. - A recap?

527. But this is not fun stuff to recap.

528. You want to see something funny, watch this.

529. Oh, that kid's going up the slide the wrong way, buddy.

530. Nice and easy. Careful.

531. The lady to the right of the slide

532. is just watching it happen.

533. You saw what was happening.

534. The kid was trying to go up the slide.

535. You did nothing.

536. You did nothing about it.

537. With the setup, the camera operators

538. were basically like playing a video game.

539. Tony, waist up. Lee, reverse master.

540. Now look for mom's face.

541. Look for mom's face. Right there.

542. I have a little angel who didn't take a nap,

543. and he's totally like... Oh, no, no.

544. Well, some days they get cranky. That's natural, you know?

545. If I see the little I'll point him out.

546. Yeah, but if I see the I'll point him out to you.

547. How do you think the punishment went?

548. It spins around.

549. Yeah, yeah, it spins around like Joe had to, like,

550. really spin around this whole place and figure it out.

551. Do you think he was embarrassed?

552. Yeah.

553. The water — did you get that here?

554. - No, I brought it. - Oh.

555. Did you bring enough for everybody?

556. Did you bring enough for everybody?

557. - I mean, I should have. - You should have, right.

558. That would have been the right lesson to teach them.

559. How many people you think we got for the party?

560. - 12. - 12?

561. Is that including me and you or...?

562. Celsius.

563. - We should get Silk, right? - What?

564. - For your mother-in-law. - Oh, I don't know.

565. It depends if we're gonna get the almond milk or not.

566. There's an orange mango tango, too.

567. Coffee-Mate is what I want.

568. Yeah, get the Coffee-Mate. Get the flavor.

569. Gouda? Mott's? Philadelphia?

570. - Mott's? - Gouda?

571. Chobani?