Impractical Jokers 6x14

1. Hey!

2. Hey!

3. Aloha, bitches.

4. Ah.

5. Coming up on a special

6. hour-long episode of "Impractical Jokers"...

7. Hoo-hahh!

8. is Murr in too deep...

9. what's got Joe keeping the beat..

10. Hah-kah!

11. Oh, my God!

12. and which losing joker will be shark bait

13. in tonight's punishment?

14. Prepare for something amazing.

15. Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

16. I want my mommy!

17. I will never forgive you!

18. Larry!

19. Today we're at the Chief's Luau at Sea Life Park,

20. offering mystical readings to the attendees.

21. While reading stranger's fortune, we're gonna have to do

22. and say whatever the other guys tell us to.

23. At the end of the reading, we're gonna ask them for a tip.

24. If you don't get a tip, you lose.

25. The human maraca.

26. Get it — Murr-aca?

27. - Oh! - Murr-aca!

28. - Hang loose, baby. - Hanging loose, baby.

29. Hello, hello. How are you, sir?

30. - I'm good. - All right, he's in.

31. - We got a double. - How are you guys doing?

32. - Great. - Lovely. Now, I'm not a psychic.

33. Basically, what I do is I just read energy.

34. "Do psychic readings."

35. Interpret it through the cards,

36. psychic readings, stuff like that.

37. Pick a card — any card.

38. Now, Q, look at it, study it.

39. "Oh." - Oh!

40. "According to this, you died six weeks ago."

41. According to this, you died six weeks ago.

42. Now, is that — Is that an issue

43. that the two of you were aware of?

44. - You're feeling all right? - Be like, "Oh, not ago."

45. Oh, not ago.

46. Okay, let's pick another card.

47. Six weeks from now.

48. Let's just do that again. Let's just do that.

49. "There's nothing to fear about the afternoon, right?"

50. There's nothing to fear about the afterlife.

51. "For example, I can't wait to die."

52. Yeah. No, I can't wait to die.

53. "Mostly because there's a ghost I want to bang."

54. Uh, mostly, there's this ghost

55. that I want to, uh

56. Yeah, so I'm really looking forward to that.

57. Uh...

58. "It says here, you have a cousin..."

59. So, it says here, you have a cousin, yes?

60. "... who fantasizes about you."

61. - ... who fantasizes about you. - Oh!

62. Now, you're gonna want to explore that.

63. I don't know about that.

64. Sharon?

65. Uh, great.

66. "There's a bowl of chicken bones

67. under the table. Let's go old-school

68. and just throw the chicken bones on the table."

69. Just throw them on the table.

70. Let's go old-school.

71. All right.

72. "Looks like there's breast and thighs in your future."

73. You got some breast and thighs in your future.

74. Yeah.

75. "Don't worry, you got a few bones coming your way."

76. Oh, my God.

77. Yeah, don't worry, don't worry.

78. Am I — Uh...

79. Don't worry, you got, uh...

80. Yeah, oh, man. Don't worry, you got a —

81. Yeah.

82. Oh, man. All right, well, hey, don't worry.

83. Uh, you got a few bones coming your way, too.

84. There you go. That's it. You guys, enjoy the —

85. You know, totally free.

86. We do accept tips if you're feeling,

87. you know, mahalo.

88. Oh, thank you so much.

89. - Oh! - Mahalo.

90. Come here now

91. for your free Hawaiian mystic reading.

92. - That's not — - That's the Caribbean.

93. That's the Caribbean. Almost the entire opposite end of the world.

94. - James. - Hey. Kyle.

95. Kyle, nice to meet you. Let's get started.

96. "When did you leave Smash Mouth?"

97. When did you leave Smash Mouth?

98. Yes.

99. Oh, you weren't in Smash Mouth?

100. Oh. Okay.

101. So, here, what we've got — let me show you —

102. this is your love, this is your passion in life, okay?

103. - "Oh, wait a second." - Wait a second.

104. "You should have been black."

105. Just looking at the — the 9 of Swords...

106. you should have been black.

107. But you know that already.

108. Now, as I continue to read...

109. "Please put some pressure on your nipples."

110. what I need you to do —

111. I need you to hold your chi in.

112. Put pressure on your nipples as I continue to read.

113. Let's go. Okay.

114. - Rub his earlobes. - Ace of Cups.

115. One sec. Lean close.

116. Clap three times.

117. "That wasn't for the fortunetelling."

118. Um, none of that was for the fortunetelling.

119. Yes, we're almost done.

120. "Everyone in the office thinks you're a size queen."

121. That's not gonna happen.

122. And we are not accepting tips, either.

123. Thank you. Go back. Enjoy Hawaii.

124. Thank you, sir. You were great.

125. Mahalo.

126. Hi. How are you today?

127. - Here we go. We're in? - We're in. Let's do it.

128. Let me take out the crystals.

129. I just want you to hold the bag

130. and, uh, just tell me a little bit about yourself.

131. "Cup the bag."

132. Cup the bag.

133. I want you to hold it in your palm.

134. Hold it?

135. "Yeah, not so tight, not so tight."

136. Not so tight, not so tight.

137. She's cupping the bag too tight. Oh.

138. Okay, these represent...

139. "These represent the Lollipop Guild."

140. These little guys here represent the Lollipop Guild.

141. Um, they welcome you to...

142. Munchkin Land.

143. Start throwing the rocks at her.

144. You're not here with family?

145. This is your first trip in quite some time?

146. So you've taken a trip recently?

147. So, recently you've gone to Vietnam?

148. Mm-hmm.

149. Sal.

150. - Sal, hold her hands. - Put your hand here and here.

151. Now close your eyes and concentrate.

152. Close your eyes and just concentrate for a second.

153. Ask her to now tell you a story

154. when she was extremely happy. - Tell me about a —

155. a moment or a little story in your life

156. from a time that you knew you that were extremely happy.

157. - Hmm. - When she's speaking,

158. I want you to say, "I'm trying to see into your future,

159. so shut the up for a second."

160. Hmm.

161. Q: He's not gonna say this.

162. All right, well, if you could just shut the up

163. for one second, I'm gonna read your future.

164. Okay?

165. I see a good future for them.

166. - Do you? - Yes, I do.

167. So, that's the whole thing.

168. And again, completely free. We don't ask for anything.

169. We do accept tips. You don't have to at all. Feel zero pressure to do that.

170. - He is not getting a tip. - No way.

171. - Yeah! I knew it. No way. - See ya later.

172. Oh. Aloha.

173. How are you? - Hi. Good. How are you?

174. Very good. Have a seat.

175. What's your name? - Victoria.

176. Victoria. Joe. Nice to see you.

177. Point to your mouth and make kissy — kissy noises.

178. All right. Uh...

179. No, okay, I misread that.

180. Okay, here we go. So, we'll start here.

181. Just pick anybody out of this pack here.

182. Good. Point to the flower in her hair till she gives it to you.

183. Oh, I noticed — uh, in your hair.

184. Hey, do you mind if I just — Yeah.

185. Yeah, just here real quick.

186. Pop it in your mouth.

187. This one here is a little bit of hardship —

188. being able to go through hardship. Oh.

189. And this one here is a little bit more that

190. you're gonna have... - Here we go.

191. - ... more fun in your life. - Oh, that's good.

192. Uh, just has —

193. you know, just getting the essence.

194. Just getting the essence. - Yeah, yeah.

195. Yeah, just — You know, we'll just have some fun here,

196. so you can put that back in your hair whenever you want.

197. - Oh, okay. - Okay, so...

198. - These are Hawaiian tarot.

199. - Okay. - Okay? Okay.

200. Joe, just go wide-eyed at that card.

201. Another card.

202. Give me — Give me one second here.

203. Let me...

204. Joe, do every card literal.

205. You're here with two cups?

206. - Uh, I mean, I guess — - Are you drinking?

207. Oh, no. Are you drinking out of two cups?

208. You're not drinking out of two cups?

209. Okay. You didn't bring three cups?

210. Maybe later. I don't know what the is happening.

211. And you didn't bring a sword or two?

212. No. So that doesn't make sense, either.

213. That was a 2 of Swords.

214. Change it into a game of blackjack.

215. Okay, are you — Here you go. Okay, 10 of Cups here.

216. So, now you got the 9 of Cups and 10 of Cups.

217. That's 19. - Oh, okay.

218. Okay, I'm — I'm showing the ace of Swords.

219. You want to hit this?

220. - Uh... - Great.

221. Bust. - "Breakfast comp."

222. Okay, so, I could get you a breakfast comp.

223. I could talk to the pit boss and see what else we could do.

224. Joe, we hid a plastic bag,

225. and there's a cotton swab in there.

226. - Okay. - No.

227. The last thing I like to do here

228. is I like to really get in —

229. So, this here is a cotton swab. - "To swab inside of your mouth."

230. Okay, so, I'm gonna swab you inside of your mouth.

231. It's just — It's okay.

232. You can do it yourself if you want. It's clean.

233. Yeah, you got it, yeah.

234. Q: Now put it in the plastic bag.

235. Great. Yeah.

236. No, no, no.

237. This is completely free, but if you'd like to leave a tip,

238. if you had a good time, it's up to you.

239. Oh, thank you so much. - Oh!

240. - Thank you. - Come on!

241. Boys, you guys couldn't pull it together.

242. Me and Joe got them tips.

243. No, that's mine. Thank you. Very good to see you.

244. Get the out, guys!

245. Misfortune follows Murr and Sal,

246. so they're saying aloha to the loser board.

247. Today we are going head-to-head on Waikiki Beach,

248. playing a game called Pass the Message.

249. To start, one of us will be given a message

250. that we have to convince a stranger

251. to pass along to other guy.

252. And then that guy needs to get the same stranger

253. to deliver another message back.

254. This game goes back and forth

255. until the person refuses to pass along the message.

256. And if you can't get your message delivered, you lose.

257. Nothing we need to say. Let's just get to it.

258. You want to? Let's just start it.

259. Yeah.

260. There he is — Surfer Joe.

261. How you doing, dude?

262. Brah, hang loose, man. Good luck to you.

263. Good luck. - You know how, like,

264. one decision affects, like, the rest of your life?

265. If Joe made a couple of different decisions,

266. this could very well be him.

267. Yeah, this is pretty much — This is me without the TV show.

268. You look kind of sexy. It's coming together.

269. - Mahalo. - It's "aloha," you idiot.

270. "Mahalo" is Hawaiian for "thank you."

271. Nice one today out there, right?

272. I had a chance to get in earlier, before, yeah.

273. Yeah, I've been working, so —

274. You know, me and my buddy are working.

275. I got to — I got to pass him a message, though.

276. Do you mind if you tell him something for me?

277. I'm not allowed to leave my station.

278. "Could you ask him if it's cool if I bring a plus-one tonight?"

279. Could you just let him — ask him for me if it's cool

280. if I bring a plus-one to the party tonight?

281. - "It's the Wayne Gretzky." - It's Wayne Gretzky.

282. You know what I mean? So, just —

283. Just let him know, "Can I bring a plus-one?"

284. Okay. It's Wayne Gretzky. Wayne Gretzky.

285. - Here he goes.

286. All right, Sal, now you got to send this guy

287. back to Joe with a message.

288. To the party?

289. Uh...

290. Is it — Is it Wayne?

291. That guy can't come. That guy is an animal.

292. Last time he invited him, he wrecked the whole place.

293. Everything is a hockey puck, all of a sudden.

294. You want to come to the party? It's a big luau we're having.

295. It's tonight. Yeah, it's free.

296. Tell him to take the plus-one, put your name on the list.

297. - Wow. - A masterful move.

298. Hey, bud.

299. Is it 'cause of the hockey-puck thing last time?

300. You? Oh, you could come? Great. You know the details?

301. He told you. It's at the Kahala Resort tonight,

302. 8:00 to 12:00 p.m., open bar, but all you got to do

303. is got to give him your name to put on the list.

304. No, I got the details. He gets the name.

305. So just give him your contact info, and you can come.

306. All right, we'll see you tonight. Mahalo.

307. Sal, he is coming back.

308. I hate at his guy.

309. Yeah, I — I do the — What — What's your —

310. Just put your name, and if you want to bring a plus-one, I can put you on.

311. First name is Greg — G-R-E-G. Got it.

312. This guy is in. He's coming to a party tonight. Q: Yeah.

313. Here, give him this. This is for —

314. Tell him this is to reserve your spot.

315. Uh-oh. And that's it, you're done. See you tonight.

316. - Uh-oh.

317. Tell him that's to reserve your spot.

318. Your name's on the list. Yeah, Greg S.

319. I got you plus one. Just give him the $20.

320. You got it.

321. - Wow. - Well done, Sal.

322. Now he's got something he has to deliver, not just a message.

323. Yeah, I hope he just takes that $20

324. and walks off into the sunset.

325. Whew.

326. Oh, great.

327. Oh, this is the $10 party. He gave you the $20?

328. Yeah, it's a $10 party. He's got to give you the $10.

329. Q: Oh! There's no way he's gonna come back.

330. I can take that.

331. If you want, yeah. Just tell him to give you the $10.

332. - But Joe has kept Sal's $20. - Yeah.

333. $10 — Tell him it's a $10 party tonight.

334. - Sal, he is coming back.

335. Boys, I got one thing to say.

336. Mahalo.

337. Let me guess. He wants — He said it's $10 party?

338. He didn't give you the $20 to give back to me.

339. That son of a bitch. He's got to give me the $20 back.

340. Just tell him he's got to give me the $20 back, though.

341. As long as he doesn't keep my $20.

342. Thanks, Greg. Mahalo.

343. He is coming back.

344. Yeah, trade the $10 for the $20.

345. Oh, yeah, okay.

346. - Oh, Joe. - Joe, you're gonna lose.

347. If you want to tell him that's your plan, that's fine 'cause it's his money.

348. Just walk by and tell him, "Thanks for the 30 bucks, sucka," and keep walking,

349. and you're all set. - Oh!

350. You walk by, "Thanks for the 30 bucks, sucka,"

351. and don't even break stride. You just go.

352. You get to come to the party, as well.

353. Mahalo, man. You know, do it.

354. I can't get enough of Joe saying "mahalo."

355. Here we go, Sal. - Here he comes.

356. Here he comes, Sal.

357. Greg.

358. Boys, that's how you do it. Mahalo.

359. Beach-chair rentals.

360. All right, Q.

361. Nice abs, bro.

362. Yeah! Mahalo.

363. Are you headed that way?

364. Could you give a message to my friend in the blue shirt?

365. Could you just tell him, um...

366. "How'd it go with Fat Lenny last night?"

367. I wasn't there. How'd it go with Fat Lenny last night?

368. Okay.

369. Overall, overall. Thank you.

370. Here you go. Surf's up, Murr.

371. Hello?

372. Yeah. Hey, you know I can't talk right now.

373. Murray, Murray, hang up your phone, you cheater.

374. - You know, guess what, Murr?

375. Every time you send someone my way,

376. every time, I'm gonna do that now.

377. - I can't be on the phone? - I'm gonna do that now, buddy.

378. Guys, guys, maloha.

379. Hang loose, everyone. We're in Hawaii.

380. Aloha, macadamia nuts, Don Ho.

381. Excuse me. Do you mind —

382. Just tell him it's turn to wear the lei.

383. Could you hand this to the guy down there.

384. It's his turn to wear the lei. The ferrety-looking bald guy.

385. It's — It's his turn to wear the lei. The lei? Okay.

386. Thank you, brother. Appreciate that. Thank you very much.

387. They're in, they're in.

388. Hey. Hey, guys, you want a beach chair?

389. Oh. Oh, oh, from my buddy. - Yeah, right down there.

390. Our boss is across the street. He watches like a hawk.

391. Can you do me a favor? Give him his water back.

392. Tell him I don't need that many. Thank you so much.

393. I appreciate it. Thanks, guys.

394. Beach-chair rentals!

395. Yeah, it's his water. I borrowed it from him.

396. Thanks, guys. Beach-chair rentals!

397. Well, your water is coming back.

398. Oh!

399. Oh, you know what?

400. I left it over there. You know what, actually?

401. This is his. Could you — Could you go give that to him?

402. Thanks so much. You know, what happened is,

403. he went out surfing last night,

404. and he hit a dolphin right in the blowhole.

405. I don't want to get into this. It's a whole thing with —

406. Anyway, that's his. Could you just —

407. I'll take the water, you give that back to him.

408. Oh, okay, yeah. Boogie board? Yeah, I got you.

409. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, buddy. That's his.

410. There is a sense of responsibility

411. when you're handed a personal effect.

412. The girls have given up on this guy. He's by himself now.

413. Hey, man. You want a beach chair?

414. You want to rent a beach chair? - Are you a boogie boarder?

415. - What's that? - You a boogie boarder?

416. Why?

417. We were surfing last night. You ever do night surfing?

418. - Uh, I don't think — - Dude, it is so much fun.

419. Murray is trying to build a relationship.

420. Yep, he's laying bricks in his bullhouse.

421. You know what? Do me a favor.

422. Bring the, uh — Bring this to that guy.

423. Tell him he needs it more than I do.

424. His buddy's coming over. Thanks, man.

425. Thanks. Thank you, buddy.

426. Aww, this guy is so nice.

427. Look at — - Aww, Q.

428. Aloha. Surfboard rental.

429. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

430. No, you didn't put your fingerprints on that.

431. No, no, no, dude, dude, dude, dude.

432. "The cops are looking for the guy with this

433. 'cause of the blowhole incident last night.

434. Take — Take this one back to him.

435. Don't worry, I'll hide this one.

436. - Okay. - Tell him you're not gonna fall

437. for his blowhole shenanigans. Thank you.

438. No blowhole shenanigans.

439. This guy is just a moving company at this point.

440. He's giving it back? Really?

441. - Thank you. - Yeah.

442. Do me a favor. The sun is coming out,

443. and he's in the sunny spot, not me.

444. Sir, could you give us a quick hand,

445. just real quick? Thank you.

446. We just got to move it right there.

447. Thank you. Here, sir, you come over here.

448. Come over here, come over here. Lift up from here.

449. We just got to move it to that guy there. Thank you.

450. Q, he's sending over the whole awning.

451. Bring it to him, bring it to him.

452. Look at — Here he comes. Here he comes. Look.

453. No, no, no, no, wrong place.

454. This one goes back.

455. This goes back.

456. No, no, this goes over there.

457. Oh, man. - Oh, Q.

458. Well, you're in a bad position,

459. 'cause you got to get that back there by yourself now.

460. Get it over there.

461. Now — Now — Go. Don't even worry about it.

462. There you go. Straight up like that.

463. There you go, like that. - Oh! Oh, he got him!

464. And don't come around here again.

465. - Oh, there you go. - Unh-unh. Unh-unh, no.

466. Turn it right around.

467. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Turn it around.

468. Turn it right around. I don't want it.

469. Son of a bitch.

470. - Blowhole! - That's unbelievable.

471. I cannot believe how much work that guy put in.

472. Son of a...

473. Good job, Q.

474. This was no day at the beach for Murr and Sal,

475. so they're back on the loser board.

476. Today we're at the beautiful Waimea Falls,

477. and we've got to ask strangers for advice

478. on our marriage proposal.

479. Except the crazy proposal

480. has been written by the other guys.

481. The goal is to get the stranger

482. to agree the proposal is ready to go.

483. If they say that the proposal is not ready, you lose.

484. And you're not getting married.

485. Q, you proposed under a boardwalk, right?

486. I did. I was engaged a long time ago.

487. - He hid the ring in garbage. - Yeah.

488. Should have went for the bread roll.

489. The bread roll works one out of one time —

490. 100% success rate.

491. Garbage, bread roll, single, single.

492. I, uh — Proposing. My girl's on her way up here.

493. Would you mind it, actually, if I ran the proposal by you?

494. - Okay. - Here we go.

495. I wrote it down 'cause I'm — I'm so bad at this.

496. I'm so nervous.

497. I wrote it down 'cause I'm — I'm so bad at this.

498. I'm getting killed on taxes."

499. "The cost of living is surging more than a decent wage,

500. and pretty soon, there will be no middle class.

501. I don't know about you, uh, but I'm not gonna sit around

502. and take up the — up the ass."

503. "Do you — Do you want to get married

504. and save like 10% and learn to love each other?

505. People like Indians do it all the time."

506. - Oh. - You think I'm ready to go?

507. - I think you got a winner there. - You think I got a winner?

508. I'm so nervous, I'm so nervous.

509. "Will you marry me?"

510. "Will you — Will you marry me?"

511. My girlfriend's showing up in a few minutes.

512. I'm gonna propose.

513. I know! I'm so excited!

514. She — I — She's — All right, here we go, here we go.

515. She's up the parking lot. She's coming up right now.

516. Do you mind? Can I practice my speech?

517. Can I run it by you real quick? - Okay, I guess.

518. - Oh, would — - Here we go. Murray is in.

519. Hi. Q: Look, yes, the little girl came over.

520. Do you want to hear my speech, too?

521. - Sure. - Okay, here we go.

522. "My little dookie fruit, surprise.

523. The day has come that we always talked about — me and you.

524. I'm going to treat you better than your ex did."

525. "I will never kick rocks at you or make fun of your neck."

526. Q: My God!

527. "I will never tell you that you're bipolar

528. or a sewer dweller."

529. "The only 'C' word to come out of my mouth is 'cuddle.'"

530. 'Cause I want to cuddle with her.

531. "I will tell you you're beautiful every single day

532. and not bring up the stuff that he did,

533. like your kneecaps, your elbows, your nostrils."

534. "I can't wait to wake you up

535. every morning with our good-morning song,

536. 'Dookie, dookie, dookie, my little dookie fruit,

537. dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of clay."

538. "Do you want to do this, my little dookie fruit?"

539. Did you think the speech is ready?

540. No? No.

541. Of course not.

542. One day, your prince will come, too.

543. I'm nervous.

544. I'm gonna try, yeah.

545. I prepared something. Can I run it by you?

546. Here we go.

547. - All right. - You're okay.

548. "Svetlana...

549. let's just say you're the best thing

550. I ever added to my cart on the Internet.

551. I normally have buyer's remorse,

552. and honestly, at first, I did."

553. weren't the best representation of you,

554. but we got past that."

555. "While I know the fears I had about saving money

556. by browsing the over-60 section of wifebuyer.net,

557. I promise your life here will be better than Uzbekistan."

558. "Not that it'll be too hard,

559. considering you used to eat dog."

560. "You used to eat dog."

561. "I — I'd go to the ends of the Earth

562. to be with you, except for Uzbekistan,

563. 'cause of all the ghastly stories you told me

564. about your horrid life before I bought you."

565. "Please make me the happiest sewage-removal technician

566. in all of Scranton, Pennsylvania,

567. and say 'da,' my little Chernobyl."

568. - Aww. - Yeah.

569. So, this is — You think it's ready?

570. Thank you so much, man.

571. Aww!

572. All right, Sal!

573. - Beautiful here. - Yeah.

574. It's the right place to do it. You know what I'm saying?

575. Yeah. It's the right place to do it, but I'm getting...

576. - Oh, whoa. - Yeah.

577. - Well, congratulations. - Thank you.

578. Do you mind if I — I'm gonna practice the speech.

579. You mind if I just...

580. Here we go. Ready?

581. "Juicy, hear me out, please.

582. No need to call for help,

583. as I will be gone from your life for good,

584. pending your answer to this question.

585. I saw on Facebook that you were vacationing in Hawaii

586. with that meathead of yours,

587. and I hopped on an economy..."

588. "And I hopped on an economy flight

589. to track you down to here.

590. Hear me out. I love you.

591. That meathead is just interested in you

592. for your tiny waist and bodacious bottom."

593. "Hear me out. If you marry me,

594. you'll never be stalked again,

595. because we'll be together for all time.

596. I'll never let you out of my sight."

597. "Hear me out.

598. I want to die with you,

599. or without you if you send me away.

600. So I'll either die happy with you,

601. or alone, miserable in this crappy Hawaiian motel room."

602. "Thanks for listening. Hear me out. Harry."

603. I think it's quite convincing.

604. It's pretty convincing, right?

605. Yeah, yeah. - Oh, my God!

606. He's gonna kill himself in a Hawaiian motel.

607. - Yeah, all the best. - Thank you.

608. Okay.

609. Murr was unlucky in love,

610. so he's got a date with the loser board.

611. Today, we're at the beautiful Kualoa Ranch,

612. teaming up to give a presentation

613. on Hawaiian culture.

614. While teaching the class, we're gonna have to do

615. and say whatever the other guys tell us to.

616. At the end, we'll ask them, by show of hands,

617. if they've learned anything of value.

618. Whoever gets the fewest hands raised loses.

619. What does that mean?

620. "Best of luck."

621. Wait a second.

622. There they are.

623. Here they come.

624. We dressed Q as a native, and we dressed Sal —

625. - As modern Hawaii. - Yeah.

626. Hey, everyone, how are you today?

627. "Aloha, honkies."

628. Well, aloha, honkies.

629. Today, we're gonna give you

630. a little bit of a history of Hawaii.

631. Guys, I want you to fade out your audio as you speak.

632. First and foremost, we're gonna start with the history.

633. And what Q's gonna do

634. is he's gonna take you guys through a...

635. modern-day stuff today.

636. In the beginning, there were volcanoes!

637. And then the volcanoes kept spewing lava and lava,

638. and the lava kept coming out and out.

639. "So, I'm gonna show you a rain dance

640. that came back from the day."

641. For all the foliage around here relies on a lot of rain,

642. and sometimes the winds just don't blow the rain in.

643. So they would do a rain dance.

644. Try to incorporate as many middle fingers

645. as you can into the rain dance.

646. All right, okay, here we go.

647. Hoo!

648. He's just gonna...

649. Ahh.

650. Ahh. Hoo!

651. There's so many middle fingers... Hoo!

652. - ... in this native... - Hoo-ah!

653. Sal's trying not to laugh.

654. Rain!

655. Hoo-hah!

656. Rain!

657. The ending is a two-person rain dance.

658. Okay, ready?

659. Hoo! Hahh!

660. Hoo-hahh!

661. "F" you, dry skies! Hoo-hah!

662. "Let's talk coconuts."

663. All right, who wants to talk coconuts?

664. Huh?

665. "We are going to open a coconut."

666. We're gonna open a coconut today for you.

667. "By using a machete."

668. Honestly, just try to open a coconut.

669. There should be a —

670. Q: Oh, there's a machete right here.

671. Oh, I got this. - Uh, normally,

672. one easy swipe from a machete or a break on the rock,

673. uh, is gonna break open a coconut right in half.

674. Um, you're not gonna want to eat this coconut at this time.

675. Oh, my God!

676. He — He — He still hasn't opened the coconut.

677. - It's not ripe. - I got it.

678. You — You should have took a ripe one.

679. Q, just throw the coconut into the jungle.

680. Trust me, that thing's open.

681. All right, so, how many of you feel

682. that you may have learned something of value here today,

683. by show of hands, please?

684. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

685. Come on! Everybody?

686. Thank you so much.

687. Q: Oh, my God, look at these two.

688. Aloha. Welcome to Hawaii.

689. This is where we're gonna teach you a little bit

690. about Hawaiian culture.

691. I teach tradition and culture of Hawaii.

692. - Yeah. - Joseph takes us through...

693. - The other stuff. - All the other stuff.

694. Joe, tell them that you're the big kahuna

695. and Murray is your sweet little coconut.

696. Uh, our dynamic is, I'm the big kahuna,

697. this is my sweet little coconut.

698. So, we got a lot of Hawaiian stuff

699. I'm gonna take you through, here.

700. "There's a lot of birds indigenous to Hawaii."

701. There's a lot of birds that are indigenous just to Hawaii.

702. We're gonna take turns naming birds.

703. Uh, we'll take turns naming birds...

704. "And doing their calls."

705. - ... and doing their call, yeah. - Hmm, yes.

706. - Yeah, doing their calls. - So, go ahead, guys,

707. name some birds and do some calls.

708. In Hawaii — You could show them the, uh, the —

709. the landbound, um, ponaleii.

710. Doesn't fly. - No, doesn't fly.

711. Yeah. But it has a very unique mating call.

712. It goes,

713. It's that high-pitched screech sound.

714. It's almost annoying, but also, at the same time,

715. it's romantic.

716. Why don't you show them

717. the, uh, the sand-walking piki bird.

718. Ah, yes, the sand-walking piki bird is very interesting.

719. It's a deep gurgle, if you will.

720. It's more like, "Hawk! Hawka-hawk!"

721. "Boogah!"

722. "Hoogah! Hoogah! Hawk."

723. That was identical.

724. Murr, climb a tree.

725. What?

726. - Here's... - Okay.

727. Uh, this is a good tree to get up.

728. "While James climbs the tree,

729. I will demonstrate some Hawaiian war cries."

730. So, while James climbs the trees,

731. I will just demonstrate some more Hawaiian things.

732. You know, there's some — some war cries.

733. Same as the bird.

734. You know, it's like, "Hoo-ah!"

735. "Hoo-ah! Hoo-ah!

736. Koo! Hoo-ah!"

737. That was a war cry.

738. Don't confuse it with the bird mating call.

739. Bird mating call — "Hoo-ah!"

740. War cry — "Hoo-ah!"

741. Oh, grab that palm frond.

742. Where is the, uh —

743. Do you guys know what a palm frond is?

744. This is a palm frond.

745. Give it to the littlest kid there.

746. So, I'm gonna need a volunteer.

747. Yeah, come on up. Every afternoon, we have —

748. a chief comes in and he blesses a palm frond,

749. and this is for you to take home.

750. "It's sacred. Please don't disrespect it."

751. It's sacred. Please don't disrespect it.

752. Don't let it touch the ground.

753. The palm frond is sacred!

754. The palm frond is sacred!

755. The palm frond is sacred!

756. What did he say?

757. Right. Very good.

758. Joe, can you throw Murr a ukulele up there?

759. You know what? Let me get you the ukulele.

760. I mean, if you're gonna be stuck up there,

761. the least you can do is the ukulele presentation.

762. Ow. You

763. Yep.

764. You know, music is a big part of the culture here in Hawaii.

765. So he's gonna do — He's on uke, I'm on drums.

766. "Now, 'ukulele' is Hawaiian..."

767. Now, "ukulele" is Hawaiian...

768. "... for gay guitar."

769. Say it, say it!

770. for "gay guitar."

771. A happy guitar — a little happy one.

772. Yes, you have a question?

773. You have a ukulele? Oh, you play the gay guitar.

774. Q: All right, Joe, pick up that drum and join him.

775. Jam out, you two, Hawaiian-style.

776. Joe, start getting aggressive.

777. Joe, start — start getting really hard with it.

778. Really hard and intense. Start doing the war cry.

779. Dak-dah!

780. Dak-dah!

781. You look insane! You look insane!

782. Dak-dah!

783. Dak-dah!

784. Dak-dah!

785. Hak-dah! Hak-dah!

786. Hak-dah!

787. Hak-dah!

788. Thank you.

789. Joe, throw a pineapple at Murray, up in the tree.

790. Just throw a pineapple up at Murray.

791. Oh

792. Aah!

793. You

794. Ow!

795. He almost knocked me out of the tree!

796. Ow!

797. You all right, little coconut?

798. - I'm good, big kahuna. - Okay.

799. Out of everybody that was here today, raise your hand

800. if you feel like you learned something of value.

801. Q: Nobody?

802. Murr and Joe are in culture shock

803. as they find themselves on the loser board.

804. Today we're working at the beautiful Waikiki Beach,

805. and we just went on break.

806. We'll have to find a way to lay on someone's towel,

807. invade their personal space, and not get kicked off.

808. We are gonna be unwanted, uninvited, and uncomfortable.

809. If they ask you to leave, you lose.

810. Stupid.

811. Should we just leave him there for the whole thing?

812. Huh? We should just leave him there.

813. We should. Can we just leave him there all day?

814. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

815. What's up, buddy?

816. You're getting a little red.

817. Yeah, I know.

818. Is that it? That's it?

819. I got to go do this.

820. Aaah!

821. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

822. Oh, my God.

823. It just scared the hell out of me.

824. Here we go.

825. Q: All right, Gatto.

826. All right, there's a spot right here.

827. What's up, guys?

828. I'm gonna conk out real quick.

829. I'm just gonna conk out real quick.

830. He just took over their towel.

831. What are you doing, a guy like this?

832. It's better the other way, actually.

833. She's not saying a damn word.

834. Not saying a word.

835. You know what? Other way is better.

836. Now he's rubbing it in our face.

837. This guy is planking.

838. His face is directly in the sand like an ostrich.

839. Planking, bro?

840. Planks a lot, man, for letting me chill here.

841. Tom Planks in "Cast Away" over here.

842. "Young Plank-enstein."

843. Wait, so, not only has he succeeded

844. and he got the towel,

845. now he's just roasting people.

846. - Thanks, guys. - That's it. That's Joe Gatto.

847. I don't want to forget my towels.

848. - He's taking the towel! - He's taking the towel!

849. Oh, oh, oh!

850. Oh, that's yours.

851. Oh, okay, here you go. Got it.

852. Let's go live to an update on Murray.

853. Okay, I'm burning, guys.

854. Give me a damn hat! - Oh, my God, that's right,

855. you don't have the protection of hair.

856. - Who's — Aah! - Aw!

857. Get off me! Who is that? Get off me!

858. Oh, my God, that was disgusting.

859. You guys know what the deal is

860. with the human egg over there?

861. Oh, he's using Murray as an in.

862. That's the thing about these beaches.

863. Here he goes.

864. Look at that!

865. His head is on the blanket.

866. Hi.

867. What's going on, my man?

868. Mahalo.

869. - Dude. - Yeah!

870. - Oh, that's ballsy, man. - Thank you.

871. Thanks. The three of us. Oh.

872. Sharing is caring.

873. Oh, man, you found the nicest people!

874. Where are you guys from?

875. - Alaska? - That's a win.

876. What's going on over here?

877. Hey, Sal.

878. - Urhhhhhhh! - Oh!

879. You — Get your flat feet off me!

880. I got to go to work, buddy. Wish me luck, all right?

881. Good luck.

882. Sal —

883. Oh, there we go. This lady is by herself.

884. Plenty of room on that towel.

885. Whew.

886. Oahu!

887. Geez Louise. It's so nice down here.

888. - Oh, he's in.

889. Ahh, that's the easy part.

890. - Right. - Now he's got to stay.

891. What's that, dear?

892. Oh, this is someone's towel?

893. Oh, I thought it was just a spare towel.

894. - No. - Oh, okay.

895. She can ask you to leave.

896. Where — Where do you get these towels?

897. - Oh, you brought them with you. - The hotel.

898. Oh, I thought maybe they might have given them to you out here.

899. She wants him gone.

900. Yeah.

901. He's gonna — All right, I didn't even see him,

902. so I didn't even know. All right, well...

903. Oh, that's him, right there. Oh, oh.

904. Q: Oh, he spotted Sal.

905. Oh, he sees somebody on his turf.

906. Sal, where you going?

907. Hey, Mister, I'm sorry, I didn't —

908. I thought there was an empty seat there.

909. Just figured — I thought they put them —

910. they laid them out because a public beach.

911. Oh, my God! She just did the "crazy" signal.

912. She did the hand thing.

913. Here, do you want an ice-cold water

914. or some sunblock or anything?

915. Q: Oh!

916. Said, "Get rid of him"!

917. I could keep it warm for you, if you need.

918. - You're gonna go sit down now? - Goodbye, Sal.

919. Q: That's it.

920. - All right, Murray, your turn. - What do you mean, my turn?

921. - You're up, bud. - You're up.

922. Uh, I can't.

923. - All right, you lost. - Come on!

924. What time is high tide?

925. Murr was a total beach bum,

926. making him tonight's big loser.

927. - All right! - All right! We did it.

928. - Murr is our big Hawaiian loser. - That's right, baby.

929. And everybody knows how Murray is afraid of heights.

930. Yes, absolutely. Probably his number-one fear.

931. - Yes. - Number-two fear is sharks.

932. Yes. This is not hap— No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

933. This has nothing to do with sharks.

934. Uh... Well, we teamed up

935. with North Shore Shark Adventures.

936. No! No! No!

937. Murr goes in the cage, cage goes in the water.

938. - No! - Sharks in the water.

939. - No! - Our sharks.

940. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.

941. Nobody's ever got hurt by a shark before.

942. Yes, they have! Didn't you see the video

943. from like two months ago of the guy in the shark cage,

944. and the great white came through the cage?

945. Yeah, saw that. I'm sorry, I don't watch videos.

946. All right, here we are, buddy, the open waters.

947. - I don't want to do this. - You're gonna be fine, Murr.

948. - You don't know that. - You're gonna be fine.

949. - You don't know that. - Here we go.

950. There it is!

951. Q: Yeah!

952. - How do I get in there? - That looks sturdy.

953. Oh-ho-ho!

954. Q: That looks pretty sturdy.

955. I'm not getting in there.

956. all across.

957. Oh, my God.

958. They're right here. They're literally right here.

959. - Look at that guy! - Oh, my God.

960. We may have gone too far.

961. - Oooh. Ooooh. - I know what you're wondering —

962. what do you do when you're in the cage? But don't worry.

963. We put some fun stuff at the bottom for you.

964. I'm not swimming down.

965. I'm staying right here, holding on to the ladder.

966. No, you don't get out until you do the thing.

967. Yeah. Like, you have to go get your passport

968. that we put at the bottom of the cage.

969. It's down there in a treasure chest.

970. Murray...

971. Murray, Murray, Murray, Murray!

972. Go ahead, get in there. I got reservations for dinner.

973. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

974. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

975. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

976. There's one right there.

977. Look at this brave explorer.

978. Look at masculinity in the new century.

979. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

980. It says here over 300 people get bitten by sharks each year.

981. Shut up! Shut up, Sal!

982. Go in the cage.

983. There's no way I can go in there!

984. There's sharks everywhere!

985. Aah! Aah!

986. - Oh, my God! - Get in the cage.

987. - Oh, my God! - Get in the cage.

988. Aah! Aah!

989. Get in the cage.

990. Murr, your passport down there.

991. It's outside the cage!

992. Yes, it is.

993. I'm not gonna — reaching outside the cage.

994. If you don't want your passport, you don't have to get it.

995. We're in Hawaii. It's not like...

996. Don't tell him that.

997. He didn't realize that when he brought it.

998. Murr, the sooner you start,

999. the sooner's it's over. There he goes.

1000. There he goes, there he goes.

1001. Aah! Aah!

1002. - Oh! Oh! Oh! - What? What?

1003. Oh, my God, there's like 10 of them!

1004. One, two, three, four, five...

1005. - Oh, my God, there's so many! - Where?

1006. There's no less than 10 sharks right now.

1007. Nope! Nope! Nope.

1008. Murr, you're gonna need a bigger scrote.

1009. - Ha ha! - Nice.

1010. It was a play on words from a very popular quote

1011. from the movie — "Jaws."

1012. What happened?

1013. Oh! Yeah!

1014. Oh, he got the treasure chest!

1015. - Got the treasure chest. - Can I come out?

1016. - No. - Why? What else do you need?

1017. All you got to do is go down and hold the mirror.

1018. That attracts sharks.

1019. Yeah.

1020. Go down there and just shine that

1021. all over the place and attract them.

1022. How do we — how do we make it go away?

1023. What Murr doesn't realize is we're detaching the cage.

1024. Aah! Aah! Aah!

1025. Q: He doesn't know. Murray doesn't know

1026. he's floating away right now. He still hasn't realized.

1027. No, he doesn't know.

1028. Wait! Wait!

1029. Guys!

1030. What the?

1031. See you later, buddy!

1032. Guys, pull it back!

1033. We'll drag you back three miles!

1034. In the cage! - Hang 10. Hang 10.

1035. Oh, my God! Pull me back!

1036. Aah! Aah! Aah!

1037. So, Murray just got shark-attacked in tonight's punishment,

1038. and you get a behind-the-scenes look of how it happened

1039. and bonus clips from this Hawaiian episode.

1040. Check this out. I'm getting sick.

1041. I failed miserably at the Hawaii episode.

1042. Do you have any Hawaiian regrets,

1043. as far as the episode goes? - I wish I won,

1044. but I made a couple of bad bets.

1045. Mm. What I thought would be funny —

1046. if I get buried in the sand

1047. for the intro of the beach challenge...

1048. Yeah. and that backfired, you know, badly.

1049. - I am burning, guys. - Look at his head.

1050. Give me a damn hat.

1051. Dude, you look not good.

1052. No You look like a Vaseline-dipped testicle.

1053. I'm sweating. You are sufferin'.

1054. I couldn't get out.

1055. I was vertical, so I couldn't move.

1056. Yeah, that was... That was not a wise move.

1057. - Okay, here we go. - Cut!

1058. All right, bud, we're gonna borrow him real quick.

1059. So, he's about to find out.

1060. What do you think his reaction's gonna be?

1061. What? No! Doh!

1062. I think something like that.

1063. That's pretty accurate. I thought I was talking to Murr.

1064. - All right! We did it! - All right, Murr!

1065. - The big Hawaiian loser! - That's right, baby.

1066. And we're gonna have you meet some sharks.

1067. No!

1068. In all honesty, I don't want to do this.

1069. I know. Yeah, we know you don't. We know.

1070. - This is not safe. - We know.

1071. Well, we're three miles off shore,

1072. so technically any shark... - Three miles?

1073. You know I don't go in the water past this high,

1074. 'cause I'm afraid of sharks. - Really?

1075. Wow. Well, today, you're going in pretty deep.

1076. - Does Murr know yet? - Yes, Murr knows.

1077. Oh, okay. So, he's been on the boat the whole time,

1078. so he doesn't know what Murr knows.

1079. As we're diving in there testing

1080. how to roll on these GoPros, there's like

1081. 14 sharks just like — they're just very curious,

1082. and they come around any time a boat comes around.

1083. You've been lying to Murr all week.

1084. I lie to Murr every single day of my life.

1085. I like you. I like working with you.

1086. When he's like, "How did that bit go? How did that bit go?"

1087. - "Good." - Yes. "You were hilarious."

1088. I was gonna say it, actually!

1089. I did a switch take. Let's see if they notice.

1090. I have different shorts from the intro to this.

1091. I didn't think anybody would notice.

1092. Let's see who noticed.

1093. Wow, that's a fun one. I actually love that.

1094. 'Cause I want to be able to jump in the water

1095. if I have to save Murray.

1096. The water is, like, really choppy today,

1097. which is, like, not really helping production at all.

1098. It's actually nerve-wracking.

1099. But it will help

1100. because Murr will be extra terrified.

1101. We need a bigger boat!

1102. If anything goes wrong...

1103. can I have your lightsabers?

1104. Yeah, you bought four.

1105. I mean, Murray, you have to get in the water.

1106. - You get in the water, man! - You want me to come with you?

1107. I'll hold your hand.

1108. It says here

1109. most attacks happen within two miles shore.

1110. - We're 1.8 miles off shore. - It says here

1111. it's especially scary for huge pussies.

1112. Punishments —

1113. and this is probably the craziest one we've ever done.

1114. I'm, like, very nervous.

1115. The entire crew is, like, holding on for our lives.

1116. And I feel the worst for Murr, of course.

1117. Murray!

1118. Blood in the water!

1119. There's blood in the water, Murray!

1120. Sal, that's not funny!

1121. Oh, man, they're gonna come now, baby!

1122. - Yes! - Guys, come on!

1123. Is that real blood?

1124. Is that real blood? - No. No, no.

1125. No way! It's not happening!

1126. Well, Murray thought he was gonna go hang gliding, possibly.

1127. Fake hang gliding things all over the place.

1128. You told me it was a double punishment,

1129. that you were tricking him. - Yeah, I know.

1130. - Yeah. - Hey!

1131. Also, I was — like, full disclosure —

1132. I was nervous up until the moment we said it,

1133. 'cause I didn't know if there was gonna be a double-cross.

1134. And, like, I'm still afraid a little bit.

1135. Well... Well...

1136. Oh...

1137. Don't start doing that bull—

1138. - Is it a "well"? - Don't start doing that again.

1139. - No, it's not a "well." - Can it be a "well"?

1140. No. And there's no double-cross, right?

1141. This isn't, like, a regular thing where like...

1142. - Let's talk wells. - No. We're in Hawaii.

1143. You lost the Hawaiian episode.

1144. You're going swimming with sharks, baby.

1145. - That's it, bud. - And that's it.

1146. And now the intro's over, right?

1147. - Yeah, that's it. - Okay. Oh, my God.

1148. I swear to Christ, I was so nervous.

1149. Oh, no! This is not safe.

1150. You're worried about the cage failing?

1151. Yeah. Oh, well, good news — there is no cage.

1152. - So that's good news. - What do you mean?

1153. I'm skydiving? - That's not possible.

1154. There's no cage.

1155. - That's not possible. - There's no cage.

1156. You're just going in the water with sharks.

1157. - Who's getting punished? - He is. There's no cage.

1158. - Oh, my God. - He's just going in the...

1159. I thought you were gonna be like, "There is no cage"...

1160. - Both: Well... - No! No!

1161. What? Is there a "well" or not?

1162. Is this a double-cross or is it not a double-cross?

1163. What is going on?

1164. You can't do this, because I'm not punishing.

1165. You can't make me feel like I'm punished,

1166. 'cause that's part of the punishment.

1167. I got a surprise for you guys.

1168. And the whole crew knows. On three, everybody.

1169. Here's what happened. This is a triple reversal.

1170. One, two, three... Well... you're all —

1171. No, I-I... You got nothin'? That would've been great.

1172. Nothin'. So this is back to what I thought.

1173. - Yeah. - No double-cross.

1174. All right, so now we have to make our way

1175. to the marina now.

1176. 'Oh, thank God it's over.