Impractical Jokers 6x13

1. Hey!

2. We're on vacation at Universal Orlando Resort.

3. No, we're not. We are working.

4. Yeah, we're here filming an entire episode.

5. I'm going on rides.

6. You — I'm going on rides.

7. Coming up on a special hour-long episode

8. of "Impractical Jokers."

9. What's got Murr taking cover?

10. Why is Joe going on the ride of his life?

11. By this time tomorrow, I'll be dead.

12. And which losing joker

13. will be sent to the funny farm in tonight's punishment?

14. Prepare for something amazing.

15. Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

16. I want my mommy!

17. I will never forgive you!

18. Larry!

19. Today, we're working the line

20. at Transformers: The Ride-3D.

21. While managing the flow of people,

22. we'll have to do and say

23. whatever the other guys tell us.

24. If you refuse to do or say anything,

25. you're gonna transform into a loser.

26. Guys? I can't see us!

27. - Guys? Oh, there you are. - It's camouflage.

28. - I forgot to put clothes on. - There you are.

29. It's theme park-ouflage.

30. Q: Murr, you know what you look like?

31. In any movie when the military gets involved,

32. there's a real jerk officer in charge of the whole thing.

33. That's you.

34. I thought you were gonna say "the one woman."

35. Murr, you love amusement parks, right, bud?

36. I love theme parks.

37. Just look forward.

38. Just go, "I love theme parks."

39. I love theme parks.

40. I love theme parks.

41. I go to theme parks whenever I can, honestly.

42. There's so many parks in the world.

43. There's so many parks in the world.

44. But not all of them have themes.

45. But not all of them are themed.

46. Just talk factually.

47. Theme parks are for lovers, friends,

48. families, children, children's children.

49. Murray, Murr, "T".

50. T-H-E-M-E parks.

51. Oh, you can go. Oh, you guys can go.

52. I didn't know you were still here.

53. I'm sorry, go. Go, go.

54. Okay, hold on. One second, okay?

55. So Murray loves churros.

56. We all know this.

57. So we're gonna send them out.

58. Okay, Murray, you have a delivery.

59. Carry the churros?

60. Sure.

61. Now, Murr, lick all the cinnamon and sugar

62. off those churros.

63. I want them to be just pieces of dough

64. when they're done.

65. Just throw it on the floor and go to the next one.

66. Q: Done with that one, Murr?

67. It's such a pure discarding of it.

68. A seagull!

69. Q: Discard, then let them in.

70. Come on through. See you guys.

71. I'm gonna throw up.

72. So just come on through. There you go.

73. There you go, guys.

74. I have never seen anybody

75. look more out of place in a military outfit

76. than Joe Gatto.

77. You're a walking draft dodger.

78. Hi, guys, how are you?

79. Oh, yeah, you can go under.

80. Go under, yeah. Break all the rules.

81. You want to make them go around again?

82. I saw you.

83. I saw you go under, so now you go around again.

84. Go ahead. Now go around.

85. Like, the right way.

86. This way, now this way.

87. Like, the right way. Go the right way.

88. Are they with you, as well?

89. Because he cut the line, everybody does a full lap.

90. 'Cause of you two, everybody full lap around.

91. Everybody do it. Let's go.

92. Everybody. I'll close the whole thing.

93. That's what I can do. Watch this.

94. Now nobody goes on. Now nobody has fun.

95. Do not blame me, blame him.

96. Do not blame him,

97. blame this guy here who did the duck under

98. and the friend.

99. Q: Why is he still smiling?

100. Not sure why you're still smiling.

101. This is all your fault.

102. Everybody's in there having fun.

103. You should transform that attitude

104. into somebody who listens.

105. You together? You —

106. - Sir, I'm sorry. - That's okay.

107. Joe, be thoroughly confused by the whole process.

108. So if I move this, you guys just go?

109. Uh...

110. So when I move this, you just go.

111. Joe, open-mouth sneeze in the garbage can.

112. Q: There's the wind-up.

113. Okay, so let's come on through. There you go.

114. Sorry, hold on right there.

115. Joe, let it settle, and then be like, uh,

116. Little help?"

117. I mean, if they want to get in

118. anytime in the next hour.

119. Long line.

120. You want to get in?

121. Just say, "I hope you're enjoying your day.

122. It's gonna be a 45-minute wait."

123. Hey, guys, hope you're enjoying your day.

124. It's about a 45-minute wait at this point.

125. Now sneak back and put your hand out.

126. $5 will get you on in five.

127. $5 will get you on in five.

128. Stop acting like you don't hear me.

129. I'm asking for a tip.

130. Oh! Oh!

131. You're in, you're in.

132. Have a good time, boys, have a good time.

133. Q: Oh, my God.

134. About an hour wait at this point,

135. About an hour wait.

136. Wow, look at Q,

137. he actually looks like he got a military-grade haircut.

138. What you don't know is

139. there's bobby pins holding it in the back.

140. Q: Right in, right in, right in.

141. Okay, mind if I hold you one sec

142. and then we're gonna get you in.

143. Sergeant Quinn here, reporting for booty.

144. I'm Sergeant Quinn.

145. Nice to meet you.

146. Reporting for booty!

147. Yes, reporting for booty.

148. You know?

149. - He gets it. - Yeah!

150. Good to go, guys. Thank you.

151. Q, when I tell you,

152. you're gonna throw your arm out and say stop.

153. Ready?

154. And now.

155. Stop.

156. Okay, go.

157. Okay, go, go, go.

158. Got it, got it.

159. And...

160. Stop. - Stop.

161. All right, good. All right, you're good.

162. Get in there, guys. Yeah, perfect.

163. Yeah, yeah, enjoy the fun.

164. Stop!

165. Stop!

166. - Thank you.

167. Just chill out here, one second.

168. So like I was saying,

169. I was picking seagull feathers out of my fender.

170. So like I was saying,

171. I was picking seagull feathers

172. out of my fender all morning, you know?

173. I got a call from the lawyer.

174. I got a call from the lawyer and he's like,

175. "Yo, what's up with these seagull feathers

176. that your neighbors keep complaining about?"

177. Recognize him. He's the wrong guy.

178. And I probably shouldn't be

179. tearing down beaches like that,

180. nor should I be putting bread on my bumper,

181. but I —

182. Oh, sh— You're not the guy I thought you were.

183. Oh, my God!

184. Okay, one, two.

185. Yeah, you two in,

186. and I'm gonna cut you guys off.

187. Uh, sorry, Miss. You can't ride this if you're pregnant.

188. Are you kidding? That's a thumbs down.

189. Don't you dare. That's a thumbs down for old B.Q.

190. Wow.

191. Thank you very much.

192. Enjoy the ride.

193. Okay, here we go, boys. Sal's up.

194. One sec, guys, one sec.

195. Ask this child if he's sure that this is his mommy.

196. Oh, oh, oops.

197. Are you sure...

198. Are you sure these adults are with you?

199. You know the adults?

200. You sure?

201. It seems like he might have been intimidated

202. by the parents right behind him.

203. Why don't you check with the other kid?

204. Yeah, check in with the other kid.

205. Do you know these adults?

206. Do you know them?

207. They're not holding you against your will?

208. You feel safe?

209. Make it fall in front of the parents.

210. Go up to them and go, "You know these kids?

211. They're not holding you against your will?"

212. Thank you.

213. Have a great time, guys.

214. You know these kids, right? Yeah, I'm okay.

215. They're not holding you against your will?

216. No, but if you want them, you can take them.

217. One sec, guys.

218. Bud, are you feeling tired?

219. You want to fall asleep?

220. - Asleep at his post.

221. Sal's got the mouth open now.

222. Wake up.

223. I swear to God, if he slaps me one more time.

224. I always slap you.

225. I mean, take a look at all the times I've slapped him.

226. Oh!

227. Oh, sh.

228. Oh, sh—

229. - Still falling for that. - Season six.

230. 'Cause it's so stupid.

231. Stop. One second. One second.

232. You'll be in in 204 seconds.

233. It'll be about 204 seconds.

234. Great, now count the 204 seconds.

235. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 —

236. Look at her, look at her!

237. 50.

238. Q: What did you say? I'm sorry.

239. What was that? What was that?

240. - Nothing. - Oh, sorry.

241. Uh...

242. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,

243. 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 —

244. Why don't we use Jay to help us out a little bit.

245. One of our producers, Jay, is working down there.

246. Jay, go up to Sal and say,

247. "Is it your turn to go on break?"

248. Interrupt him. 107, 108 —

249. Just make sure you make your break.

250. I'm due for break in like 20.

251. 20. 21, 22, 23.

252. 20.

253. 21, 22, 23.

254. Just — I can't even.

255. You know what? Just go in, you guys.

256. If anybody asks, you waited 204 seconds. Okay.

257. Q got caught in the line of fire,

258. so he's first up on the loser board.

259. Here we go!

260. Today, we are at Islands of Adventure

261. riding the amazing Jurassic Park River Adventure.

262. While we're on the ride,

263. the other guys will be telling us

264. bizarre things to say to the other boat riders.

265. And if you refuse to say anything, you lose.

266. Ta-da!

267. Q: Ah, Jurassic Park, one of my favorite rides.

268. It's just a pleasure cruise while dinosaurs come at you.

269. I love it.

270. Yeah, so you just got to say everything we tell you, Murr.

271. Super easy.

272. All right, buddy. Here we go.

273. This ride was made for Murray.

274. It's Murrassic Park.

275. And here we go.

276. So, Murr, the next line I'm gonna give you,

277. I want you to say it to

278. the gentleman in the white t-shirt

279. on the other side of the woman.

280. Are you ready? Here we go.

281. I'm only on this ride to be close to you.

282. I, uh...

283. I'm only on this ride

284. t-to be close to you.

285. Look at this dope.

286. All right, back to the guy.

287. Your wife is way hotter than my wife.

288. Your, uh —

289. Y-your wife is — or your girlfriend...

290. Yeah. is way hotter than my girlfriend.

291. Q: Just let him sit, just let him sit.

292. Whoa, smells like baby boy needs a diaper wipe.

293. Smells like baby boy back there needs a diaper wipe.

294. Wow, I'd let that dinosaur spit in my mouth.

295. Wow!

296. I would let that dinosaur spit right in my mouth.

297. Murray, all the hair on my body is fake.

298. All the hair on my body is fake.

299. All of it.

300. Right.

301. Q: Hey!

302. And I thought I was wet before.

303. Oh, my God!

304. And I thought I was wet before!

305. He looks like he's animatronic. I know.

306. You know, this is my tourist look.

307. I'm looking like a sweet tourist right now.

308. You look like a guy that camps out on line

309. and comes here every single day.

310. All right, everybody.

311. The bar's gonna go all the way down.

312. All right, the bar is down.

313. The game begins. Here we go, buddy.

314. One more ride, and it's night-night forever.

315. One more ride,

316. and it's night-night forever for me, you know?

317. One down.

318. Here we go.

319. Now you want to clap coming through the door.

320. You want to clap coming through the door.

321. Look at him!

322. Oh, my God.

323. Q, say, "Sure.

324. Dinosaur bites someone, everyone cheers.

325. I do it and get slapped with restraining orders."

326. Q: Look at that.

327. A dinosaur bites someone, everybody cheers.

328. I bite one, and the cops get involved.

329. All right, Q, to the girl to your right,

330. I want you to say,

331. "You shouldn't show so much skin in public."

332. Q: I can't say that.

333. Oh, and that does it!

334. No! No! Q!

335. And you sunk the boat!

336. Guys, so I just have to say odd stuff in a close space?

337. You excel at this kind of challenge.

338. Okay, do I have to even do this ride,

339. or do you want to give me the thumbs up now?

340. Q: You know what's funny, dude?

341. I don't see you like this often,

342. but to me right now, you look like a dad.

343. Rocking that dad body.

344. I had that for years before Milana.

345. Joe, "By this time tomorrow, I'll be dead."

346. By this time tomorrow, I'll be dead.

347. Just let it sit there.

348. Q: To the woman next to you, right?

349. Let her know,

350. "My wife thinks I'm out

351. taking her father to the hospital."

352. My — my wife thinks I'm out

353. taking her father to the hospital.

354. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

355. But I'm on the rides.

356. Joe, "What's happening to me."

357. What's happening to me?

358. One more time, one more time.

359. What is happening to me?

360. Look at the guy.

361. The guy just shot him a look.

362. He's already trying to avoid you.

363. It's great.

364. His stupid face and eyes.

365. How many rides do I have to ride

366. before you notice me?

367. Oh! Oh! That's so weird.

368. How many rides do I have to sit next to you

369. before you notice me?

370. How many rides do I have to sit next to you?

371. We've ridden three rides together.

372. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

373. Oh! Ho! Ho! So weird.

374. Got to try to have a little fun

375. before my wife craps out another kid.

376. I got to try to have some fun

377. before my wife craps out another kid.

378. The whole boat's uncomfortable.

379. Q: When the crate drops,

380. scream out "TruTV used to be Court TV."

381. Aah! TruTV used to be Court TV!

382. After the splash, shout, "I pulled my fat."

383. Aah!

384. - Oh! - Oh, yeah!

385. I pulled my fat! I pulled my fat!

386. We made it.

387. I have a little surprise today, guys. All right.

388. I'm not gonna go today.

389. What? I have my friend

390. Matthew Lewis, from the "Harry Potter" movies,

391. filling in for me today. Yes!

392. I finally get a break!

393. Q: Ah, you learned.

394. You're bringing a ringer, eh?

395. You're taking his place?

396. You think this is a good choice?

397. Look at how nice he is.

398. I don't think it's a good choice.

399. No, don't say that. I'm putting my faith in you. We'll see.

400. All right, you got it.

401. It's all up here, okay?

402. I love you.

403. Q: There he goes.

404. I'm gonna make it look easy.

405. All aboard. Here we go, buddy.

406. We want you to clap really big

407. when the doors open.

408. Turn to the girl and say,

409. "I wasn't always this hot. Soak it in."

410. You know, I wasn't always this hot.

411. You should soak it in.

412. Look at her face! Look at her face!

413. They hate you! They absolutely hate you!

414. Matt, turn to the guy to your left and say,

415. "Can I smell your hair?"

416. Can I smell your hair?

417. No, no.

418. That's a good call.

419. In the U.K.,

420. this boat would be on the other side of the river.

421. You know, in the U.K.,

422. this boat would be on the other side of the river.

423. - Really? - Yeah.

424. So stupid. We do it the right way, you see.

425. That's why the pound is worth more than the dollar.

426. That's why the pound

427. is worth more than the dollar, you know?

428. 'Cause we do it that way.

429. You are entering the raptor containment area.

430. Apologies, I should have showered.

431. To the whole boat, to the whole boat.

432. And then after you say

433. "apologies, I should have showered,"

434. I want you to shout-out hashtag stank!

435. Apologies, guys, I should have showered.

436. Hashtag stank!

437. Yes!

438. - Matthew Lewis for the win. - Wow.

439. Sal, you made a great choice, buddy. Well done.

440. Q couldn't keep his head above water,

441. so he's back on the loser board.

442. Today we're working the info booth

443. here at Universal Orlando Resort.

444. While helping parkgoers,

445. we're gonna have to do and say

446. whatever the other guys tell us to.

447. If you refuse anything, you lose.

448. And that's how you get into the park for free.

449. Wait, I paid.

450. Yep.

451. Q: Look at those nipples.

452. I know.

453. But it's 80 degrees out here.

454. At this point in your life,

455. isn't there a surgery you could have?

456. A nipple reduction surgery?

457. Anybody need directions?

458. You see Chase in the background.

459. He's one of our producers.

460. That's a really good-looking guy.

461. Notice how his nipples

462. are not poking through his shirt.

463. Well, I don't know what to tell you.

464. Full head of hair, great beard, no nipples.

465. Anybody need information?

466. Directions?

467. Murray. Yes.

468. When somebody asks you for directions,

469. I don't want you to say a word.

470. - Hi. - Hi.

471. Just don't say anything, Murr.

472. No?

473. Mmm-hmm, mm-hmm.

474. Thank you.

475. What are you looking for?

476. Oh, your sight's not too good, buddy.

477. You got to borrow his glasses real quick.

478. So right now, what we'll do is —

479. We're right here in H. Okay.

480. Now what you can do is, you can go up here...

481. Your head's cold. you got to borrow his hat.

482. The world of Harry Potter.

483. 'Cause Hogsmeade is over here. It's great.

484. I entered from Hogsmeade.

485. Oh you did? So there you go.

486. Thanks so much for the help. I appreciate it.

487. Okay, but —

488. Q: Here you go. Here you go.

489. You need directions?

490. Come here.

491. All right, Murr.

492. I want you to slowly lower the umbrella.

493. So, what — I did Betty Boop,

494. and the two in the — You already did those two?

495. Yeah. Okay.

496. Go down right over here.

497. You'll see that what we've got

498. is right below.

499. Right there, you make a left here,

500. right by the...

501. Q: This guy is awesome.

502. right by there, okay?

503. You make a left.

504. So over here to the right...

505. He's giggling like a kid.

506. Now, do you need to know where the restrooms are?

507. Do you need to know anything else?

508. No, I'm okay. Thank you very much. That's it?

509. Okay, you got it man. Thanks so much.

510. Now the problem is we're caught inside this umbrella.

511. Now here's the problem.

512. You and I, my friend, are caught inside this umbrella.

513. Yes, we are.

514. So, Murr, start rolling it

515. and say "I have to go with you."

516. So I have to come with you.

517. Come with me. Okay.

518. Just come with me. Stay in close.

519. This might take a little longer,

520. but let me tell you, man,

521. this is the best way to travel around the park.

522. Q: I love this guy!

523. You and me are in this adventure together, my friend.

524. That's absolutely fine by me.

525. Yeah, okay, now, we're gonna make a left here.

526. A left? A left, there we go.

527. Are you a Taurus, a Capricorn, what are you?

528. A Pisces, actually. Pisces, all right.

529. Joe...

530. "Information?"

531. Information?

532. I've got some.

533. Do you need information?

534. You just came from that way.

535. Information?

536. Oh.

537. Hi, how are you? Good, how's everything?

538. I don't think she's talking to you, bud.

539. Oh, me?

540. Yeah. Oh, no, no.

541. Is this the maps?

542. I'm sorry? Me?

543. Yeah. Oh, no, I'm sorry.

544. Yeah, so this here. You got the map.

545. Okay. Yeah.

546. Thank you very much.

547. I'm sorry?

548. Thank you very much

549. for the map. Oh.

550. Oh, me? Oh, okay. Yeah, no.

551. I thought — yeah, you look —

552. You weren't looking at me.

553. I was looking at you. Oh, got it.

554. Have a good day. Who?

555. Who? Who?

556. - Me? - Yes!

557. You have to look at me when you're talking to —

558. I thought you were talking to somebody behind me.

559. No, no, no. No.

560. - See you later. - Who, me?

561. Yes sir.

562. Who are you talking to?

563. How do you get out of here? Oh, me?

564. Yeah. You're looking to leave?

565. Joe, get the kid to take every pamphlet.

566. Yeah, you're gonna —

567. Here, you take that one. Thank you.

568. Yeah, there you go.

569. So this is...

570. Q: Look at him. There he goes.

571. There he goes. The kid's got two.

572. He's just slipping them to her.

573. This is —

574. This is the info guide.

575. Okay. You're looking for the exit.

576. Oh, no, here you go. Here you go.

577. You can't finish your turn until everything is off that table.

578. There. And then —

579. Just put those in there.

580. now you have all the information I had.

581. You'll probably need these for school.

582. So we can just slip them right in the front there.

583. Great. What's your name? Kylie.

584. Kylie, good to see you.

585. And, uh...

586. There you go.

587. In case it rains, okay.

588. The exit's straight that way.

589. There you go.

590. Q: Sal, look at you.

591. You're at work.

592. Everybody's around you having fun.

593. That can't feel good. That can't.

594. So whoever comes up and asks you a question,

595. I want you to be bitter that you're working

596. and they're enjoying the day.

597. It's got to be clear to everybody, Sal. Yes.

598. You don't want to be at work today.

599. Anybody have any questions, anyone need directions?

600. Do you need directions?

601. What kind of rides are here? Oh, my goodness.

602. There's so many rides for you and your family

603. to go on on this lovely day,

604. while I sit here and work all day.

605. Q: That's it buddy.

606. So you must be having a great family memory right now, right?

607. - Yeah. - That's awesome.

608. My family's home.

609. Yeah, I don't get to see them.

610. I work 70 hours a week.

611. Do you? I'm just here all day every day,

612. I see the same people, the same rides

613. over and over and over.

614. I get paid every other week and everything.

615. I got flat feet.

616. If you look at my feet here, see that?

617. They're killing me.

618. You need some inserts.

619. I know. I do have to get inserts.

620. I'm saving up for them.

621. Yeah, they are expensive.

622. I also have a $10 gift card in my pocket

623. if you answer my question.

624. I actually have $10 gift cards if you answer one question.

625. "While you're having fun in the park all day..."

626. While you're having fun in the park all day...

627. Q: "... who's standing around working,

628. not having fun?"

629. who's standing around working and not having fun at all,

630. while his feet hurt?

631. You.

632. That's right. It is me.

633. Take the $10. All right, guys.

634. Yeah, well, I'll be rock climbing

635. out of a pit of depression.

636. If we want to go to Shrek, it's in the other park?

637. I don't know.

638. Shrek? Yes.

639. You want to know where Shrek is? Yes.

640. Uh...

641. I don't know.

642. Yeah, but I got the map for you here.

643. If I went to this park,

644. is it possible to change to the other one?

645. I don't know.

646. Oh, is this your little guy?

647. This your little guy here? Yes.

648. You want a lollipop?

649. You want a lollipop?

650. Yeah.

651. Yeah, he doesn't have any lollipops.

652. All right, so Shrek is gonna be —

653. I don't know.

654. No, no, you can.

655. You can go the same day, same pass.

656. All right, all right.

657. Here we are, working the information booth.

658. Oh, you need a map?

659. Oh, you need directions? Yeah.

660. Sure, is there a husband or a boyfriend

661. I can explain this to?

662. Oh, yeah — is the—

663. Oh, God up in heaven.

664. Yes, hi!

665. Is there a —

666. Where are we?

667. Goodbye Q.

668. Okay, is there a, uh, uh —

669. Is there a husband or a boyfriend

670. I can explain this to?

671. Oh, great, perfect.

672. Okay, great.

673. He's playing to win.

674. Right around that way.

675. You can almost see it already through the trees.

676. Yeah, just follow him, just follow him.

677. I explained it to him.

678. I can't believe you said it.

679. I'm starting to get a bad feeling

680. about this episode.

681. Well, the road hasn't been very good to you.

682. Q: Whoa! Whoa! What the hell are you doing?

683. What are you doing?

684. What are you doing, don't —

685. Are you kidding me?

686. Oh, my God!

687. Oh, Geez! Oh! Ho! Get out of there!

688. Oh guys!

689. Oh, my —

690. What the

691. Yeah, I know I got to win.

692. Q, you work at an information booth,

693. but secretly, you're Tony Gunk,

694. head of security for Universal Studios.

695. Next time somebody asks for help, frisk them.

696. Hey, you need help with anything?

697. You need help finding anything?

698. No, thank you. No, you got everything?

699. All right, cool.

700. Cool.

701. What's your favorite ride?

702. What rides have you been on so far?

703. What's up?

704. No, no, it's just a little extra park security.

705. Don't worry about it.

706. What rides have you been on so far?

707. Uh... Are you enjoying it?

708. Are you enjoying your experience?

709. Dude? Okay.

710. Oh, that's easy.

711. I'm gonna give you a map and I'll show you the way.

712. "Dad, let me guess..."

713. Dad? Yep.

714. Let me guess...

715. "... second family?"

716. you got these kids into reading comic books,

717. when you had to read to them?

718. Got you!

719. You got me, you definitely got me.

720. Q headed in the wrong direction,

721. so he's doing triple time on the loser board.

722. Today we are at Islands of Adventure

723. playing one of our favorite games —

724. have you seen my wife?

725. While searching the park,

726. the other guys will give us a ridiculous description

727. of our so-called wives.

728. If you can't get someone to say

729. they've seen that wife of yours,

730. you lose.

731. All right, guys, let's do it.

732. Have you seen three guys?

733. Q: In this sunlight,

734. you look like the guy from "Powder."

735. Yes, he does. He does, right?

736. "Powder? Like "Powder." You look like "Powder."

737. Guys, which way did you come from in the park?

738. Uh, that way.

739. You came from that way? Yeah.

740. I went to get coffee for my wife,

741. and she's gone, and I can't find her.

742. Did you see a woman...

743. She won't stop eating bananas

744. and making eye contact.

745. my wife won't stop eating bananas

746. and she makes eye contact too much.

747. Did you see anybody like that?

748. She's rolling with a posse of young Hasidic girls.

749. She's rolling with a posse of young Hasidic girls.

750. Did you see like a whole gaggle of Hasidic girls?

751. No, we did not. With a woman, an older woman?

752. Body like a calabaza squash.

753. Her body —

754. she has the body of a calabaza squash.

755. She's very recognizable.

756. Her maiden name is Scrum.

757. Her maiden name is Scrum.

758. If you see her around, tell her Mr. Scrum wants her.

759. Okay, we will do that. Okay, thanks.

760. No, her maiden name is Scrum.

761. Scrum is her maiden name!

762. Oh, wait, it's her maiden name.

763. When we married, I took her maiden name.

764. Fair enough, we— I'm a modern man.

765. Doris Scrum?

766. Has anyone seen Doris Scrum.

767. Sir, did you just come from that way?

768. I did. I lost my wife.

769. Did you see a woman down there?

770. She was, um...

771. Her pants don't work. her pants don't work.

772. Did you see somebody down there like that? Unh-unh.

773. You didn't see anyone.

774. It looks like she's doing the hula hoop,

775. but that's how she walks.

776. It looks like she's doing the hula hoop,

777. she kind of — I didn't see her.

778. But that's how she walks. She kind of —

779. She's got that — I didn't see her.

780. She's cracking her knuckles

781. in a way that calls for a divorce attorney.

782. She's cracking her knuckles

783. in a way that's calling for a divorce attorney.

784. You didn't see anybody down there like that?

785. No, I did not. Darn it!

786. What am I supposed to do? I don't know.

787. I lost my wife. Maybe that guy down there saw her.

788. Wait, that's her.

789. Wait, that's her!

790. Doris! Doris Scrum.

791. Hi, how are you? It's great to see you.

792. just give me a hug here.

793. - I'm looking for my wife. - Sorry?

794. I lost my wife?

795. No, no, I can't find her. Oh!

796. He goes, "she died?"

797. She went that way. You guys came from this way.

798. Did you see a woman...

799. She's got diabetes 1 through 4.

800. Did you guys see her at all?

801. She has diabetes 1 through 4?

802. Oh, no.

803. Picture if Regis Philbin was a younger woman.

804. She looks like if Regis Philbin was a younger woman.

805. Her tongue doesn't fit all the way in her mouth.

806. Her tongue doesn't fit all the way in her mouth.

807. She went this way. You came from that way.

808. If you feed her after midnight, she enters a cocoon.

809. If you feed her after midnight,

810. she enters into a cocoon state.

811. If you get water on her...

812. Q: If you get water on her...

813. she creates offspring.

814. if you get water on her, she creates offspring.

815. And if you put her in direct sunlight,

816. she dies.

817. If you put her in direct sunlight, she dies.

818. This is all serious stuff.

819. Oh, I'm sorry.

820. I can probably go pick up another one in Chinatown

821. in the back of a shop.

822. No, no, but in all seriousness...

823. You remember Macy Gray?

824. you remember Macy Gray?

825. You remember the singer Macy Gray?

826. She's Macy Gray.

827. She's Macy Gray.

828. No, we haven't seen her. Haven't seen her, sorry.

829. - Really? - No.

830. I'll tell you what.

831. If Macy Gray's walking around Universal,

832. she's gonna be found.

833. Excuse me.

834. Okay, Sal, this time, you're looking for your grandma.

835. I'm looking for my — my, uh, grandmother.

836. Did you see a woman...

837. She's got fun bags down to her knees.

838. she's got fun bags down to her knees?

839. How old is your grandma? She's in her late 80s.

840. Late 80s.

841. She's riding a Rascal, flipping off everybody.

842. She's on a Rascal.

843. She was flipping everybody off.

844. She's gone through three menopauses.

845. She — oh, hey, kids.

846. The first two menopauses didn't take.

847. You can tell she was an ugly baby.

848. You can tell she was an ugly baby.

849. Limps for attention.

850. She limps for attention.

851. You got to look out for her.

852. I'm not doing her justice.

853. She looks like a bunch of flounder

854. got slammed in a car door.

855. She looks like a bunch of flounder

856. got slammed into a car door.

857. No, no, that's how she looks!

858. Let's — let's just recap what we have her.

859. Her fun bags are down to her toes,

860. she's gone through three menopauses,

861. she's on a Rascal flipping everybody off,

862. and she looks like a bunch of flounder

863. got slammed into a car door.

864. You can't help me out?

865. I can't describe this woman any further!

866. You didn't see anyone like at? No, sir.

867. All right, pleasure to meet you, sir.

868. Is there water rides that way, too? I don't think so.

869. I think it's here to there, right, cause I told my —

870. I lost my wife.

871. Did you see a woman...

872. She's always carrying a sack of talc.

873. she was carrying a sack of talc.

874. Q: She looks like The Rock

875. if he only ate fettuccine alfredo.

876. She looks like The Rock

877. if he only ate fettuccine alfredo. Okay.

878. If he was on a strict fettuccine alfredo diet,

879. The Rock — that's it.

880. She's what the French would call misérable.

881. She's what the French would call, uh,

882. misérable.

883. She looks like what the Italians would call

884. a broccoli rabe.

885. You couldn't miss her.

886. She's what the Italians would call a broccoli rabe,

887. what the French would call misérable,

888. or The Rock eating fettuccine alfredo.

889. Okay.

890. Well, I'm just trying to give you as many details as I can.

891. She's got one blue eye... She's got one blue eye...

892. and one wooden eye. and one wooden eye.

893. None of this is ringing a bell.

894. You haven't seen her? I never saw her.

895. Big trash bags under her all-white eyes.

896. Big trash bags under her all-white eyes —

897. one wooden, one blue.

898. Carrying a sack of talc.

899. All serious, all serious.

900. All seriousness... She's wearing sunglasses...

901. she's wearing sunglasses... a hat...

902. a hat... and she's made of metal.

903. and she's made of metal.

904. You didn't see her? That's why.

905. She's got to do a better job.

906. Guys.

907. We're gonna switch up who you're looking for.

908. Do you know if the Jurassic Ride is that way?

909. Yeah, you go up here and turn right.

910. I'm looking for my twin brother.

911. His twin brother? Twin?

912. Oh, okay. Like, yeah, I'm looking for my twin brother.

913. You would have seen his nose

914. a couple of minutes before his body.

915. You walk past King Kong

916. and just keep right on going. Yeah?

917. You would have seen his nose

918. a couple of minutes before his body, you know?

919. No, guys, I got it. I got it.

920. He eats donuts by the dozen.

921. He look like an Italian Weeble Wobble.

922. He looks like he's always in a state of melting.

923. He looks like a troll doll in hospice.

924. Sounds like quite a guy. He's quite a fellow.

925. I'd like to party with him.

926. He looks like the butter after it's on the popcorn.

927. Yeah, he looks like Steve Carell

928. at the end of the line, you know what I mean?

929. Just before it goes out.

930. Definitely wont live to see

931. his daughter's graduation...

932. from kindergarten.

933. He's my twin brother.

934. Yeah, I can imagine the resemblance.

935. H-He's this.

936. I'm gonna keep moving here. Keep moving.

937. Yeah, it was nice. Good luck there.

938. Yeah, he was born most likely to lose all his money.

939. Those are some luscious locks you got going there, buddy.

940. Your hair looks great, you look like a hot mop.

941. I look like a hot mop? Yeah, like a hot mop.

942. You look like a mop I'd date.

943. You know what? That's the kindest thing

944. you've said about my looks on this show.

945. I'll take it.

946. All right, you guys are wet. You went on a water ride.

947. I'm looking for my wife.

948. I wonder if you saw her?

949. She looks like a tin of old ham.

950. She looks like a tin of old ham,

951. like her face.

952. Did you see her?

953. Heavy ears. Heavy, really heavy ears.

954. A mild sheen.

955. She's got like a mild sheen on her, you know?

956. Like, looks like an oil slick at all times?

957. Yes, yes, yes.

958. If a caricature artist drew her...

959. If a caricature artist drew her...

960. she would look normal.

961. she would look normal.

962. You know what I mean?

963. You know what I'm saying?

964. I love her very much. I mean, love of my life.

965. You know what a Christmas tree looks like?

966. Q: You know what a Christmas tree looks like?

967. Take all the balls off... Take all the balls off...

968. all the tinsel off... all the tinsel off...

969. the star off the top... the star off the top...

970. peel all he branches off...

971. peel all the branches off...

972. that's her.

973. and that's her. That's my wife.

974. - Sorry. - Sorry, man.

975. Excuse me, ladies, I lost my wife.

976. I'm wondering if you spotted her anywhere?

977. Oh, I'm glad you asked.

978. She's um...

979. She's got a mouth

980. that oozes what looks like chocolate.

981. She's got like a —

982. She's got a mouth —

983. No, no mustache, thank god.

984. No, no, no, she's got a mouth that —

985. it oozes what looks like chocolate.

986. She's generally — It's not chocolate, but —

987. She's not sick. It's more of a condition.

988. She's walking around spouting out knock-knock jokes

989. that end with the same punch line.

990. She's been spouting out knock-knock jokes

991. that have the same punch line — every one.

992. deez nuts — every knock-knock joke.

993. Every knock-knock joke. - No.

994. That's her, oozes chocolate a little bit?

995. - No. - No.

996. She ate an iguana on the Internet.

997. Are you on the Internet at all?

998. She's famous, she ate an iguana,

999. a whole iguana on the Internet.

1000. Oh, you know her? Did you see her?

1001. Oh, yes! Yes! Yes!

1002. Yeah! Did you see her around here?

1003. Yeah, yeah.

1004. Oh, which way was she?

1005. That way.

1006. That way? Oh!

1007. Thank you so much!

1008. Well done!

1009. Knock knock! Who's there?

1010. Deez. Deez who?

1011. Deez nuts!

1012. Q may have found his wife,

1013. but he's still tonight's big loser.

1014. Well, time's up here in Florida, friend.

1015. Q, you have lost this episode,

1016. so we are here at the Toon Lagoon Amphitheater

1017. where you are going to be part of

1018. our very own stunt show.

1019. Stunt show.

1020. You're gonna be the spider hero.

1021. Okay, got it, the spider hero.

1022. So this is the spider hero?

1023. This doesn't feel like a superhero costume.

1024. Put your hands in the air.

1025. 1,500 parkgoers

1026. decided to come see this stunt spectacular.

1027. They're expecting a spectacular.

1028. I used to be a fireman.

1029. Like, I used to be useful.

1030. Spiders are useful.

1031. They kill mosquitoes. That's right.

1032. Yeah, but I'm not even a spider.

1033. I'm just a douche dressed like a spider.

1034. Grab the spider by the legs. Let's do this.

1035. And once the music starts, go.

1036. Yeah!

1037. Put the arms up, bud!

1038. Oh, my God. there's so many people.

1039. Q, you have to act out all the spider lines.

1040. Hi, everyone!

1041. I'm a spider, and I know karate!

1042. Spider kick!

1043. Hyah!

1044. Spider punch!

1045. Pyah!

1046. Spider uppercut!

1047. Pyah!

1048. Try to do the dance.

1049. Do the dance, Q!

1050. What — I feel like I've taken acid.

1051. Oh, no, barnyard friends!

1052. That mischievous Cow is back...

1053. Oh, the Cow! and she's trying to destroy my pig pen.

1054. Have no fear! Spider is here!

1055. I may be small, but I'm a "handy" guy.

1056. Cow, time for you to take the "milky way" out of here.

1057. One thing we forgot to mention.

1058. Aw, don't —

1059. Spider charge!

1060. Go get him! Charge him! Get him, spider hero!

1061. Spider punch! Pyah!

1062. Spider kick! Pyah!

1063. If you listen to the prerecorded play,

1064. he was supposed to be beating up the cow.

1065. Ow, stop! Spider jab!

1066. You haven't seen the last of me, spider.

1067. Q: Oh, God, please —

1068. Go. You got to dance!

1069. We all love the barnyard,

1070. Wait, am I the hero?

1071. I'm too chicken to "moove" that cow from my coop.

1072. Oh, no. The chicken's got a problem.

1073. Oh, no, I'm not doing this again.

1074. Spider, can you lend a hand?

1075. Look out, cow!

1076. Spider charge! Oh god, please.

1077. Go get him, spider hero!

1078. Spider uppercut!

1079. Spider head butt!

1080. Q: Oh, God!

1081. Spider jab! Ow, stop!

1082. What is wrong with you?

1083. Spider grab!

1084. Q: Ow, no!

1085. Spider stomp!

1086. Pyah! Pyuh!

1087. So, the whole point of this show

1088. was just to kick the out of Q.

1089. Take that and that!

1090. I'm gonna "moove" out of here.

1091. Good job, spider hero. Good job, buddy.

1092. Celebratory dance, look at him. Saved the day.

1093. Now it's time for you to do that awesome thing you do.

1094. Do the Spider Rap!

1095. - It's the Spider Rap! - Yeah!

1096. The Spider Rap.

1097. Here comes the Spider Rap.

1098. All right, yeah.

1099. Oh, no, not good!

1100. Yeah!

1101. Oh, he's winning them over!

1102. This beat — this beat doesn't end?

1103. All right, here we go.

1104. Oh, I hope the cow don't come back.

1105. Oh no.

1106. No! - Now, run!

1107. Q: No!

1108. Welcome to "Impractical Insider."

1109. This guy just got pretty embarrassed out there

1110. at Universal Studios.

1111. We're here in Orlando. Yeah.

1112. And we're gonna give you a behind-the-scenes look

1113. of how this happened

1114. and show you some deleted scenes from this episode.

1115. Check it out.

1116. Put all the —

1117. Hey. Hey!

1118. Welcome. Welcome to the party.

1119. This is Q's punishment that's about to happen.

1120. It's a Spectacular, Stunt-Man Spectacular,

1121. which it ain't gonna be spectacular.

1122. Q loves superheroes,

1123. so Q thinks he's gonna have to do

1124. a superhero stunt spectacular,

1125. and he realizes that, no, it's a kid's show.

1126. And then he realizes that,

1127. "Oh, even though it is a kid's show,

1128. I'm still gonna get my ass kicked."

1129. Look out, cow!

1130. Spider charge!

1131. Spider uppercut!

1132. Spider head butt!

1133. Moo, earthy!

1134. Well, time's up here in Florida, friend.

1135. You guys cannot put any more spiders on me.

1136. I already did that. Nah, been there, done that.

1137. Yeah, all right.

1138. Oh, and don't worry. There's no twist.

1139. God, please.

1140. Why do I keep getting tossed into things

1141. by a cow?

1142. So, you just nailed it out there.

1143. Yeah? This is the cow.

1144. The cow goes "hyah!"

1145. Q:

1146. Pyah! Pyuh!

1147. The choreographer, himself.

1148. Thank you!

1149. Thank you, guys. Thank you!

1150. Thank you. I appreciate it. Please.

1151. Go get that nasty cow, spider hero!

1152. Get in the cannon?

1153. Yes!

1154. Oh, my God.

1155. This is insane.

1156. 3, 2, 1... What am I doing?

1157. Blast off!

1158. Nothing!

1159. It doesn't work!

1160. How many days did it take you to build all this stuff?

1161. All this stuff or the cannon? All the stuff.

1162. Um, four or five days, probably.

1163. Did you get to go on any rides?

1164. I haven't been on a single ride.

1165. No rides.

1166. I've been working straight building that set.

1167. I think what really helped was

1168. so many people came out to see it.

1169. There was just like 1,500 people

1170. who could have been on roller coasters,

1171. having cotton candy,

1172. they're seeing a cow flipping a spider,

1173. an old spider dude.

1174. Did everybody know how much you had to do with it?

1175. Let me tell you a little bit about him.

1176. He did so much work.

1177. What did you do for it? I did the music Cs.

1178. Yes, you had the voice-overs.

1179. He wrote it, and then edited it,

1180. and he played all the sounds.

1181. And this is my music studio.

1182. I have to do four voices.

1183. ♪ Welcome to the barnyard

1184. ♪ We all love the barnyard

1185. ♪ Come on see the barnyard

1186. It sounds like this when you're done.

1187. Hey, welcome to "Impractical Insider."

1188. I'm just going to get sentimental for a moment.

1189. Just saying, great job. Aw, thank you buddy.

1190. Real moments you only see here on "Impractical Insider."

1191. ♪ If you mess with me

1192. Oh, yeah!

1193. Q: Yeah!

1194. Aw, yeah.

1195. Oh, no.

1196. Good work, buddy!

1197. And that's how you do Orlando.

1198. All right, everybody,

1199. let's get on the stage for the picture.

1200. They won't let him out of the costume.

1201. How many photos do we have to take?

1202. The punishment continues.