Impractical Jokers 10x9

1. Let's just get this started.

2. Are you kidding me?

3. Who's a good guy?

4. With special guest blake anderson.

5. You can trust the ganja weasel.

6. Today we are working at the colonial diner,

7. Dropping checks off to customers.

8. However, there will be an additional

9. Very unusual charge on the check.

10. The catch is the unusual charge has been written

11. By the other guys

12. And if the guest refuses to pay it,

13. You lose.

14. $10 douchebag fee?

15. Pay it!

16. All right, sal.

17. Sal's got to drop off the bill to the customer,

18. But we've added a special surcharge onto that bill

19. That he doesn't know. This is johnna.

20. She's one of our producers. She's playing the manager today.

21. Here we go.

22. Okay, ladies, here we are. Just make sure I have you.

23. Two iced teas, two matzo ball soups, a greek salad.

24. That's it. Apple pie?

25. And then, the extortion fee is $5 on top of that.

26. What is that? It's — they extort you.

27. - What? - What?

28. I can't believe it.

29. They call it that right on there?

30. We believe in being fully transparent.

31. We're honest about our extortion.

32. I've been here so many times. I've never seen this.

33. "oh, you've been extorted."

34. Oh, you —

35. I've never seen the phrase.

36. Hold it together!

37. The phrase is new because we want to be transparent,

38. But I assure you, in the past, you've —

39. You've been extorted.

40. It's — I mean, as far as extortion goes, it's minor.

41. And then, I hope you enjoyed the pie.

42. He honeyed it.

43. He's honeying it. He dripped it in honey.

44. He might get it.

45. - All right. Thank you. - Thanks. Thanks.

46. - I hope you have a great day. - You, too, thanks.

47. Look at her.

48. No. We pay the credit card fee.

49. Okay.

50. Oh. I think you got it. I think you got it.

51. She's like, "you pay this all the time."

52. This is it, sal. Johnna, get ready.

53. All right. How was everything?

54. Good, thank you. Great. Awesome. All right, so let's see.

55. We got an iced tea, skylark salad, apple pie.

56. And I see you've been extorted, as well.

57. Okay. You don't understand it, but it's fine.

58. He explained it, yeah. Why? You don't have to pay it?

59. Is that what you're telling me?

60. Yeah, I'm not going to force you to pay it.

61. Are you okay with being extorted?

62. That's fine.

63. Aah! Aah!

64. You pulled it off. Good job.

65. Nice work, buddy.

66. I'm not going to look until I go over there.

67. I have their bill, guys.

68. All right, murr. No idea what you're about

69. To hand them a charge for. Oh, here we go.

70. Okay, gentlemen, just to confirm.

71. So we've got an angus burger? Yes?

72. Yeah. Got chicken breast, right?

73. And then we did add a fussy surcharge

74. Of $5.50 onto the bill.

75. That is a standard fee for customers

76. That are a little bit fussier than normal.

77. Well — oh.

78. "that curiosity is part of the fussiness, really."

79. Y-your curiosity is exactly what I mean

80. By a little bit fussy.

81. You pay right up there, okay?

82. Anything else, my name's james.

83. Thank you. Great. Thanks so much.

84. He goes, "we're not giving you a tip."

85. They're giving the girl a step.

86. Here we go. Here we go! Pay that fussy surcharge.

87. No way are they paying the fussy surcharge.

88. Hello. Hi.

89. Oh. I see you're paying the fussy surcharge.

90. You guys are a little fussy?

91. Well, he — I don't like that.

92. I think that's crazy.

93. "well, sir, you don't need to be fussy, though."

94. You don't have to be fussy about it.

95. Just to confirm, are you okay

96. With the fussy surcharge fee?

97. Oh! Wow!

98. Yes!

99. I do want to give you credit

100. On being not fussy about the fussy surcharge.

101. Okay. Here we go.

102. All right, here we go.

103. Hey, guys. You guys wanted the check?

104. All right, just make sure this one is yours.

105. What? Really? Which is very unusual.

106. Oh, you pay up at the front.

107. - I'm movie star handsome? - Absolutely.

108. What? She's going on and on about him.

109. Okay, here. This is it. I gonna make sure it's you.

110. Tuna salad sandwich, western omelet.

111. Yes. Okay.

112. Oh, and I see they hit you with the —

113. The minor menu damage surcharge.

114. I guess you guys tore up the menus a little bit?

115. Oh, really? Oh, that's not what the bill says.

116. Oh, I see what it is. That's what you guys did.

117. the little wrinkle there. Yeah, yeah.

118. All right, you handle them a little rough.

119. Hey, it's only $5. What are you gonna do?

120. Oh, well, I can see about them splitting it in half

121. Since only he damaged the menu. You know?

122. Oh, oh, oh, oh! I could see about that.

123. Maybe they could cut that down to $2.50.

124. Okay, yeah. Here you go. You pay up front.

125. Oh, you are going to lose, q!

126. I think I'm thumbs down on this one,

127. But it was so nice meeting you. Thank you for the kind words.

128. What? What is going on here?

129. Thank you so much.

130. Oh! Oh!

131. Oh, and I see they hit you with the minor menu damage surcharge.

132. Okay, yeah. Here you go. You pay up front.

133. Oh, you are going to lose, q!

134. Oh! Oh!

135. He said, "it's the last time I come to this dinner."

136. She said, "just pay it and that's it."

137. That's right. Just pay it, just pay it!

138. - Hey, how you doing? - I got a question for you.

139. Yes? Uh-oh.

140. Explain what this is.

141. Ah. You guys banged up the menu a little bit?

142. You didn't? No.

143. Oh, it's just minor damage, so...

144. I don't care if it's minor damage

145. Or not damage, I didn't do it.

146. Oh, okay.

147. I mean, if you want, I'll pay it,

148. But it'll be the last time I come to the diner.

149. "I mean, you don't have to pay it."

150. Yeah, I mean, you don't have to pay it.

151. I don't want to — I don't want to force you.

152. There's a wrinkle in the thing. I didn't even look at that.

153. Don't get me wrong, I'm not cheap.

154. yeah!

155. Does everybody in jersey curse?

156. Okay. Are you s— are you sure?

157. - Definitely. - All right. Thank you.

158. Oh!

159. I'm handsome and I won.

160. I'm handsome.

161. Q.

162. She thinks I'm good-looking and she smokes weed?

163. No one got stuck with the tab.

164. So murr, sal, and q are safe from the loser board.

165. Aw, cheese. We're in the doghouse now.

166. Our wife put us in charge of putting the dedication

167. In our kid's high school yearbook.

168. Aw, shucks.

169. The catch is, we haven't seen the strange dedication

170. Because it's been written by the other guys.

171. Aw,

172. Now we got to find someone to agree

173. That the ad was not that bad, or else we lose.

174. Murr? Yeah?

175. When did you become regional manager at thom mcan?

176. Did melyssa dress you this morning or no?

177. No, she was asleep.

178. There he goes.

179. Hello?

180. Yeah, yeah, I got it.

181. What do you mean, you don't like it?

182. "well, she's so fit."

183. But she's so fit.

184. Don't worry. You'll find out why in a minute.

185. I can't do anything about it now.

186. I have it in my hand. I'm bringing it over today.

187. She keeps looking at you. You got to.

188. Agree to disagree. Fine, melyssa.

189. Excuse me. Are you on the phone?

190. Yes.

191. Could you get off for one second?

192. I just got into a huge argument with my wife.

193. You know how parents take out ads in the end of the yearbook?

194. Oh, for sure. I did it.

195. I didn't run it by my wife, melyssa.

196. She saw what I had printed and she has a problem with it.

197. Can I runs this by you, make sure it's fine?

198. Turn to page 112. Q: Have fun.

199. Oh, yeah.

200. I —

201. I said, "congrats, you skinny bitch. Love, dad."

202. That's terrible. It's —

203. No, but...

204. What's your name? Emily.

205. Emily, you don't understand. My daughter is a skinny bitch.

206. Like, I'm really proud of her.

207. It's a little profane, don't you think?

208. Well, in this day and age?

209. I don't think it's appropriate for school.

210. I'm sure they have a problem with the curse.

211. Well, now, emily, you sound like my wife, melyssa.

212. I mean, it's a joke between us as a family.

213. "congrats, you skinny bitch." you love it, right?

214. Oh, no, that's so inappropriate.

215. You're not going to win this one, buddy.

216. You're not getting this.

217. It's inappropriate.

218. Yeah, it's inappropriate. You're right.

219. Well, that was a thumbs down, murr.

220. melyssa.

221. Hey, babe. How you doing, sweetie?

222. What'd you do? What do you mean?

223. You didn't know that that was going to be inappropriate?

224. Baby, what are you talking about?

225. Have you seen the ad that you put in the yearbook?

226. I did what you wanted me to do. I put an ad in the book.

227. You can't tell someone to handle the ad and then go back

228. And then tell them you don't like how they handled the ad.

229. 'cause if you don't like it, handle it yourself, honey.

230. Handle it yourself.

231. She could not be more engaged. She is fake reading.

232. I can't get anything right.

233. Oh, god damn it, melyssa.

234. Can I ask your opinion on something? Would you mind?

235. She couldn't wait to be asked.

236. I'm having an argument with my wife,

237. And our son is graduating high school,

238. And I was asked to handle the ad for the yearbook,

239. And I just would love to get

240. A second opinion on it, if you don't mind.

241. Sure. Okay.

242. Q, you're page 134, buddy.

243. There it is. There it is.

244. Ha!

245. Yeah, so, um...

246. Our son is graduating high school,

247. And I was asked to handle the ad for the yearbook,

248. And I just would love to get

249. A second opinion on it, if you don't mind.

250. Sure. Okay.

251. Q, you're page 134, buddy.

252. There it is. There it is.

253. Ha!

254. My son, michael, graduated,

255. And his grandpa died recently.

256. She's trying not to laugh.

257. They're both trying not to laugh

258. Just as he died, he looked at us and said,

259. "I'm always watching," and then flatlined.

260. He's going away to college.

261. And you know how boys get when they're away at college.

262. And I just want him to know, whenever he's doing

263. Whatever he's doing, that his grandfather

264. Is always watching.

265. 'cause michael's also — he's a — he's a —

266. He's a virgin.

267. So I want him to not make any —

268. So that's like a message for college then?

269. If I thought my grandfather was watching me in college,

270. I would be a different person.

271. I mean...

272. Now, I ask you, is this inappropriate or appropriate?

273. I mean, the thought was there.

274. Appropriate.

275. Oh, he got it! He got it! He got it!

276. Thank you so much... You're welcome.

277. For taking my side 100% on this.

278. I'll always be watching.

279. All right, sally, you screwed up, buddy.

280. You done messed up.

281. I e-mailed you. You could have proofread it.

282. It didn't come through? That's a big excuse.

283. I e-mailed ganjaweasel69@aol.Gov.

284. aol.Gov?

285. All right, well, there's nothing I can do.

286. Good-bye.

287. Oh. Ooh.

288. A bad fight with his wife. Sounds like his wife just gave him the business.

289. melyssa, man.

290. Dude, he's looking at you.

291. Excuse me, sir.

292. Can I get your opinion for one second with something?

293. My son graduated from high school,

294. And I took out a yearbook ad for him.

295. And my wife thinks that

296. The ad that I took out is inappropriate.

297. I just want an outsider's opinion.

298. You know what I mean? I just want to know I'm not crazy.

299. Page 140, buddy, 140. Here we go. Here.

300. "congratulations, david, class of 2022.

301. Gary's dad here, and I just wanted to" —

302. Yeah, your son's gary.

303. M-my son is gary. This is —

304. This is my son's friend, david.

305. So what I did, I took out an ad...

306. He's trying to figure this one out.

307. For david.

308. "gary's dad here, and I just wanted to say congrats.

309. I know your folks have been... Struggling financially."

310. Ready? And...

311. "I can imagine that it's been hard

312. Since your dad was laid off,

313. But it's been a tough year for the company,

314. And I had to make some cuts."

315. This is what just happened here.

316. You laid off david's dad?

317. "if the budget opens up,

318. He will be the first person I hire back.

319. Swing by and use the pool this summer."

320. I would have left a couple things out.

321. You would have left a couple things out?

322. Yeah, a couple things. Like what?

323. The financial struggles.

324. The financial struggles. Yeah.

325. Yeah. You think?

326. Do you think she overreacted a little bit?

327. You know what? She's not seeing from your point of view.

328. She's not seeing it from my point of view?

329. Aha! That's a big fat no.

330. That's a thumbs down.

331. But from my point of view,

332. Do you think she's overreacting a little bit?

333. Sal, you lost already!

334. He's not answering question.

335. Sal, I mean, that's a firm no.

336. But you think probably that she overreacted a bit?

337. I don't know, sir.

338. Little bit? Little bit? Little bit?

339. You'll be fine.

340. Sounds like another thumbs down, bud.

341. I feel like you never took your side, pal.

342. Is that a record for how many times

343. I tried to get someone to turn?

344. yeah!

345. Dude, you're lucky we're not giving you six thumbs down.

346. Sal tripled down on his bad ad,

347. Making him tonight's big loser.

348. It's blake anderson, everybody.

349. Oh! Sal, you lost, so that means

350. That you've got to help me sell my new line of cookies.

351. All right.

352. So you're going to be in a focus group,

353. A marketing focus group for blake's "totally baked" cookies.

354. Well, throughout the presentation,

355. The lights will go off in the room,

356. It'll be pitch black, and you've got to sneak around

357. And steal as many people's cookies as possible.

358. And what if I get caught?

359. You're going to get caught. You're going to get caught.

360. That is johnna.

361. She's playing the marketing executive.

362. That's lucy, our art director.

363. We put her right next to sal to give a little buffer zone

364. Between him and the rest of the participants.

365. Great. So my partner is coming in in a minute,

366. But, basically, we have a cookie brand

367. And we want to get your feedback on the marketing campaign

368. That we want to launch.

369. Yeah.

370. Hey, mon, hey, what up?

371. How's it going? Q: The ganja weasel!

372. This is the mascot for blake's

373. Totally baked cookies, the ganja weasel.

374. I know it's kind of silly, but thank you for coming out.

375. Means a lot. Yeah.

376. So the cookies in front of you are actually for display only.

377. Yes. Our brand is

378. Blake's totally baked cookies.

379. So these cookies actually have thc in them,

380. So we cannot have you legally eat them.

381. We're going to send you home with a goodie bag.

382. So if you do want to enjoy them

383. In the safety of your home, that is an option.

384. We didn't actually put weed cookies there

385. Because we want sal to be able

386. To eat as many as possible without, like, falling apart.

387. These are pretty strong cookies.

388. So there are going to be variations

389. Of intensity?

390. Blake, "but they can trust the ganja weasel."

391. Yeah, for sure.

392. But I think, like, the main thing is always like,

393. You can trust the ganja weasel. You know what I mean?

394. Like...

395. So, yeah, we're going to basically show you

396. Our powerpoint presentation in sections.

397. And then, we want to get your feedback

398. Immediately after those slides.

399. All right, johnna.

400. All righty. I'm excited.

401. Here we go, sal.

402. Lights off! Get this going.

403. First time we ever had night vision! Look at this!

404. Here we go. It's pitch black in there.

405. We can see through the infrared cameras.

406. Sal can't see a thing.

407. Okay. A little about us.

408. So, sal, we want you to steal and eat someone's cookie

409. Without getting caught.

410. Here we go. My god, sal.

411. - Here he goes. - He's on the move.

412. The next section is actually our logos.

413. So, sal, we want you to steal and to eat

414. Someone's cookie without getting caught.

415. Here we go. My god, sal.

416. - Here he goes. - He's on the move.

417. The next section is actually our logos.

418. So we have a couple options.

419. He's got a cookie!

420. You look like, if that ever really was a cookie monster,

421. You would be the cookie monster.

422. You look insane.

423. You look so stupid.

424. You look insane.

425. Here we go. Lights back on.

426. The color scheme. How does the color scheme feel?

427. Will the woman notice that sal stole her cookie?

428. Do you want us to be like weed cookies?

429. Or do you want to be like if you know, you know?

430. Oh!

431. She noticed!

432. You know what? Julie probably thinks is the guy next to her

433. Ate the cookie in the dark. That's her only option.

434. Before we go on,

435. I do want to say no one should be eating these cookies,

436. But it feels like...

437. Somebody's eating the cookies.

438. I get it. They're good. But I would appreciate

439. If you'd just wait until after the focus group.

440. We should all have five.

441. Sal, here's what we want you to do.

442. We want you to take a cookie from white hat

443. And put it onto green shirt's plate.

444. Lights off!

445. So this is my personal fave.

446. Uh, jingles. Oh, yeah.

447. Sal's in motion.

448. Sal is in motion. Sal, your whole life

449. Is just you blindly groping for cookies in the dark.

450. Can't you feel someone in the dark, walking?

451. I would think so.

452. He has stolen!

453. Uh-oh, you better hurry.

454. You barely made it back in time!

455. Do you like someone a little more chill, laid-back?

456. He's noticing.

457. He can't stop looking.

458. Just like blake.

459. All right, johnna. Notice.

460. Did you take a cookie? No.

461. Okay.

462. I feel like we might have to speed up the presentation

463. Because somebody here is going to end up

464. Getting very high very soon.

465. Yeah. You know, sal,

466. They're kind of onto you here, like —

467. Well, they're noticing something's up.

468. People are noticing something is up there.

469. Okay, this next one —

470. Before you turn the lights off,

471. Do you maybe want to get these?

472. 'cause I don't know what's going on, but it is a little odd.

473. I want to leave it there, and just don't eat it.

474. I'm not. Okay.

475. Should I cover it?

476. 'cause it is getting a little odd to me?

477. "yeah. Cover it. Yes, cover it."

478. Yeah, cover it. That's fine.

479. Oh! Oh, you're done!

480. Oh, my god. The room's on high alert.

481. Sal, steal from the woman in green. Good luck.

482. She's covered her cookies with her clipboard.

483. We're going to talk slogan options.

484. Lights are out! Oh, boy, buddy?

485. The ganja weasel!

486. Here he goes.

487. Okay, everyone can see this?

488. Everyone's good? Everyone's in their seats?

489. Okay.

490. He's going for the woman in green!

491. He's going to lift the cover off.

492. You look like a thing from my nightmares.

493. blake's cracking up.

494. Sal, go back. Sal, go back.

495. Retreat, retreat. Hurry up, sal!

496. Retreat, retreat. Hurry up!

497. Okay. Did they notice?

498. It's really weird. Yeah.

499. I heard it. What —

500. Does anyone want to talk about what's going on?

501. Sal, you're ruining this experience for everyone.

502. It's just, like, wait till you're home. That's it.

503. Yeah, this is —

504. Oh, perfect.

505. This is his product. He's getting a little miffed.

506. Look at blake. Blake's having a meltdown.

507. This is not what I wanted for the ganja weasel.

508. Like, it was like — like, I'm putting my own money into this.

509. This is, like, my first venture into anything like this.

510. Like, the least we can do is not eat the cookies, man.

511. You're right.

512. Okay, sal, take all the cookies from the woman in green.

513. Every last cookie. So, this last one...

514. Here he goes.

515. Go, sal, go!

516. But this is target demographics.

517. She's staring right at you. She's staring right at you.

518. Just starting again, it might hit you really hard.

519. All right, turn 'em on.

520. This woman's head's going to explode.

521. Come on, man.

522. I-I haven't done it the whole time.

523. I haven't done the whole time?

524. No, but why would you do that after everything that's been happening?

525. Come on, man!

526. Sal, what's in your jacket?

527. Blake, shake out his jacket.

528. If I shake out your jacket, am I going to find cookies?

529. No, absolutely not.

530. This is the one cookie I had. Take it.

531. Now this is happening. Great.

532. Oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh.

533. sal.

534. Flip out, blake, flip out.

535. damn it, sal!

536. Somebody put those in my jacket pocket.

537. Sal, who was it?

538. Julie, someone put them in my jacket pocket.

539. Sal, this is an awesome experience.

540. It was fun. Why would ruin it?

541. I'm ruined.

542. Didn't you say, blake,

543. That you were going to give us these things before —

544. Yeah. There's a goodie bag to go.

545. I'm being sandbagged.

546. Julie was the first person to miss a cookie.

547. So what?

548. Sal, walk out. The woman with the headband,

549. Steal her cookie on the way out.

550. And blame julie.

551. How are you getting home?

552. Julie took that from you, not me.

553. "I'm really high right now."

554. I'm just really high right now.

555. So...

556. You might have a problem, dude. And this is coming from me.

557. Sal, take another cookie.

558. Sal, you can't eat more cookie.

559. Eat it, eat it, sal!

560. It is dangerous.

561. Sal, just fall out of the room.

562. "I'm good to drive," and then fall out.

563. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm good to drive.

564. I'll check on him.

565. Ganja weasel!