1. Let's just get this started.
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2. Are you
kidding me?
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3. Who's a good dog?
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4. With horror
film icon bruce campbell.
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5. Bam!
Get it right.
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6. I'm rosanna scotto
coming to you live
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7. Because the impractical jokers
are causing havoc once again.
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8. What are you doing?
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9. Today, we're posing as store
managers at a coffee shop.
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10. And while we're helping
customers,
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11. Rosanna scotto is going to burst
in and accuse us of foul play.
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12. We'll have to own up
to what we did
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13. And then hope the customer
still makes the purchase.
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14. Rosanna, if the customer leaves
without buying anything
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15. After you've been exposed,
you lose.
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16. I'm rosanna scotto,
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17. And I'm actually doing this.
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18. Alright, so sal is
the manager of this coffee shop.
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19. Sal, your hair is on point.
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20. Q: For the people at home,
sal walked in today,
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21. You looked at his hair and went,
"I love your hair.
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22. I'm so jealous."
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23. He said,
"I have to let you know.
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24. I keep staring at you and I keep
getting taken by you."
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25. Hello, guys.
How are you?
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26. Here we go.
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27. - Sure.
- Okay, rosanna.
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28. Alright, yeah.
Go on in and
take sal down.
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29. Uh-oh, here comes
rosanna scotto.
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30. Excuse me, sir.
Are you sal the manager?
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31. The italian lady
from the news?
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32. We've gotten reports
that you share a walk-in freezer
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33. With a sperm bank.
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34. Don't say sperm.
No, no, no.
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35. They rent half
and it's divided.
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36. There's a divider.
They rent half.
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37. "what about the children
born with beaks?"
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38. What —
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39. Pull it together,
scotto!
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40. What about the children
born with beaks?
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41. I don't think it's a joke,
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42. If you guys are ransacking
my business.
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43. I know you from the news.
I seen you on the news.
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44. No, seriously —
"what about
the creamer mix up last month?"
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45. No, no.
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46. What about the creamer mix-up
last month?
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47. That was a mistake.
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48. "so you mistakenly
used semen for creamer?
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49. Is that what you're saying?"
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50. You mistakenly used semen
for creamer?
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51. "mistake" is the word
that you're...
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52. So we got a fun little
surprise for sal.
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53. I'm running
a respectable business.
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54. I rent half of
my freezer out.
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55. "that's all I need to hear."
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56. I've heard enough.
You disgust me.
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57. Sal,
we combined challenges.
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58. I'm rosanna scotto,
and I'm on your side.
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59. On your side.
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60. Sorry, everybody. I'm so sorry.
A little sugar —
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61. It was a little sugar
in the cold brew.
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62. They're still taking it?
They're still taking it?
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63. They want the cream?
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64. That was the italian lady
from the news.
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65. Q: Wow.
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66. Q the barista.
Here we go.
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67. I'll be right with you
one second.
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68. If we're hiring?
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69. Oh, wait.
Wait a second.
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70. Oh, no.
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71. Q, we might play this a little
differently, buddy.
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72. It might not be about the coffee
so much as the job.
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73. Alright, rosanna, go for it.
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74. Okay. Yeah, they're back
there making it right now.
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75. Excuse me.
Are you brian the manager?
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76. I am brian the manager.
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77. Okay, we've gotten serious
phone calls about you
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78. Using new york city pigeon eggs
in your omelets. Is that true?
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79. So think of it —
hear me out.
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80. The thing about
the pigeon eggs —
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81. Who told you that?
Where'd you hear that?
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82. Look at her face.
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83. Do you go outside and grab
the pigeons
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84. And bring them to the roof
to make your omelets?
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85. Well, the pigeon eggs are extra
salty and extra delicious.
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86. And I think that people
are going to get on to it.
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87. You never had a delicious pigeon
omelet egg?
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88. Please, rosanna scotto,
don't tell me that.
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89. Don't come here into my business
and tell me that
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90. You've never had
a delicious —
listen, I've been around
a long time.
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91. You come in here and
embarrass me
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92. In front of
my store like this.
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93. Get out of here, rosanna scotto!
Get out of here!
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94. Expect
the health department any day.
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95. Get out of here,
rosanna scotto.
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96. "so you still want to
apply for the job?"
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97. Do you still want the job?
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98. The moment of truth
comes here now.
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99. Yeah.
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100. She don't care about
pigeon meat.
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101. You're pretty good
at catching pigeons?
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102. "have I got
the job for you."
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103. You got her.
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104. Q: Alright, murr's up.
Murr's up.
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105. - Hi. How are you today?
- Good.
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106. Oh, I think I'm gonna do
a hot cappuccino
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107. With just
regular milk.
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108. Okay, great.
Step right over here.
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109. I'll get it done for you
right now.
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110. Send in rosanna.
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111. Oh, my god.
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112. Rosanna is marching in
right now from the outside.
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113. She got a stern look
on her face.
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114. Excuse me.
Are you james the manager?
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115. We have gotten some reports that
you were selling pastries here
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116. Stolen
from a whole foods dumpster.
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117. Is that true?
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118. Look at her.
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119. Who told you that?
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120. Whole foods actually supplied us
with video.
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121. It sounds like he's
having a stroke.
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122. Listen, pastry's
expensive,
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123. And yes, they're throwing it out
anyway, so why not re-use it?
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124. Why did you dumpster dive?
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125. Murr, start to get upset
with her.
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126. Yes, I do that.
Why? Is that so wrong?
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127. They're going to waste the food
anyway. Why not reuse it?
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128. I don't think that's
appropriate. Like...
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129. Murr and sal:
Ohhhh!
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130. Scotto!
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131. Pastry's expensive,
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132. And yes, they're throwing it out
anyway, so why not reuse it?
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133. Murr, start to get
upset with her.
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134. Yes, I do that.
Why? Is that so wrong?
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135. Why not reuse it?
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136. I don't think
that's appropriate.
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137. Like, I don't
agree with what he's doing,
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138. But to shame him
on public television...
It's not right.
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139. Ohhhh! Ohhhh!
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140. Aren't you concerned
about what you're eating?
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141. Oh, my god!
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142. Scotto!
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143. Alright. Okay.
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144. Dumpster diving
is not that bad.
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145. That's right,
rosanna scotto.
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146. Yeah, I dumpster dive
at whole foods.
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147. So what?
Sue me.
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148. Okay, so are you going to get
some food from here today?
Yeah.
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149. Q: Wow, murr.
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150. Alright, murr.
It's a thumbs up.
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151. Breaking news,
murr, q, and sal are safe
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152. From the loser board.
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153. Today —
today, we're waiting tables at
dallas bbq in times square.
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154. While serving customers —
we'll have to do and say
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155. Whatever
the other guys tell us.
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156. Today, we're wai—
and if you refuse
anything,
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157. You lose.
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158. Today, we're waiting
tables at da—
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159. I did everything
we need to do.
Oh.
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160. Alright.
Here we go, fellas.
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161. Sal, any flashbacks?
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162. Last time we were here,
sal played the dizzy waiter
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163. And smashed head
first into the wall.
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164. Show the clip, please.
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165. - Oh, my god, guys.
- Go, go!
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166. I'm going!
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167. We averted catastrophe.
I'm just letting you know.
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168. Alright, buddy.
"welcome to dallas bbq".
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169. I know how to talk.
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170. Hi. How are you?
Can I help you?
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171. Are there any questions
you have?
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172. Oh, we marinate them
in hennessy,
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173. But they have
like a hennessy glaze.
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174. Sal, keep pushing
henny on them.
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175. Everything henny.
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176. Can I get a round of hennys
for the table, or...
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177. They do the henny wings,
but I can also
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178. Hennify anything.
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179. Yeah.
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180. So, if you want a side of honey
for dipping sauce,
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181. I get you henny honey.
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182. I can get you henny
crispy shrimp.
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183. Basically, henny-thing you want,
you can have henny on it.
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184. Henny-thing is possible.
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185. So, we're gonna do
the henny five wings.
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186. "you know,
the chickens —
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187. We drown them
in henny."
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188. We have a new chef here.
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189. So, for the henny wings,
we don't just
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190. Marinate in the henny.
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191. They actually,
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192. Like, drown the chicken
in the henny.
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193. Look at her face.
It's like marinating
times ten.
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194. We just want to let
anyone know that
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195. Because not everybody is cool
with us
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196. Drowning the chickens
in the henny.
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197. I feel like we got
to have something else, then.
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198. Yeah.
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199. Alright. Be right back.
Let me get it.
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200. Wow.
You got a lot done there, sal.
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201. Jesus lord.
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202. Sal, head over to that older
couple enjoying their meal.
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203. Hey, guys.
How's everything going?
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204. Everything's great.
That's good.
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205. "do you want that souped,
or can you still chew okay?"
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206. Great. Okay.
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207. I know you're towards
the end of the meal,
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208. But would you like
me to soup-ify any of that?"
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209. You don't need me
to soup-ify any of this?
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210. You can chew
with your teeth still?
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211. Q: Oh, my god.
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212. Sal, say to the woman, "oh,
my god. I love your costume."
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213. Okay.
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214. And then I love your costume,
by the way.
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215. Oh. Thank you.
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216. Thank you.
Thank you.
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217. Sal, find out what they're
thinking for the tip.
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218. Really going in on it.
One table.
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219. And then could you give me
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220. An idea of where the tip is
right now, or...
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221. Can you give me an idea
of where the tip is?
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222. About 20?
That's fair.
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223. Let me know
if you know anything.
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224. Alright.
Okay.
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225. "I love you."
love you.
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226. Ah.
Duder, go back
to these two ladies.
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227. Oh, where have I been?
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228. I've been serving
other tables.
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229. Oh, would you
like ranch?
Yes.
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230. And a water.
And a water.
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231. And the water
needs to be refilled.
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232. Yeah.
That's it.
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233. Now sal's just
working the restaurant.
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234. This is getting hectic out here.
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235. I need a water, ranch, and...
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236. He's getting overwhelmed
by waiting.
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237. Let me get it.
One second, buddy.
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238. I don't know
if I'm coming or going.
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239. I need to get a side of ranch,
a water. Ranch dressing.
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240. Sal,
what are you doing?
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241. You are not
working a shift.
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242. Q, these people count on me.
I'm sweating.
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243. Here's your turn —
pull a shift at dallas bbq.
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244. Jesus christ.
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245. Q, go in the kitchen,
get their cheese grater.
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246. Okay, I got it.
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247. Shredded cheese on barbecue.
Sounds like a fun time.
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248. Yinz order that cheese?
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249. No, no, no.
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250. No, no, no.
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251. Keep going. Keep going.
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252. No, no.
cheese?
Yinz wanted the cheese?
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253. No, I don't.
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254. Yinz wanted
the cheese?
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255. No, no.
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256. No cheese?
No, no.
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257. I don't like cheese.
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258. No, no.
No cheese.
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259. "the cheese is free."
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260. the cheese is free, guys.
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261. We don't want cheese.
It's free.
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262. It's free. It's free.
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263. Q, I got another surprise
for you. I'm coming out.
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264. Could you just give them
some pepper?
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265. You son of a bitch.
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266. We're so sorry about that.
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267. So sorry. The pepper.
It was the pepper.
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268. No? Yinz don't want
no pepper?
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269. No, we don't want pepper.
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270. This is my only job.
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271. Hold on.
You're not done yet, buddy.
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272. Just see if they
want anything blended.
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273. Just go put it on the table,
be like,
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274. "you guys said
you wanted your ribs blended."
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275. They see him coming.
She spots him already coming.
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276. No, we don't want —
q: Oh, my god.
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277. Q: They see him coming.
She spots him already coming.
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278. You want your food blended?
No.
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279. Can you leave us alone,
please?
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280. I'm so sorry. You don't want all
your food blended
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281. Into one thing?
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282. Oh, no.
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283. Q, hold on, buddy.
We got one more thing for you.
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284. I don't know what you guys are
doing. I'm done. I'm done.
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285. I'm done.
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286. Q: Alright, murr-man.
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287. Murr, go up to
this table of four.
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288. Hi, guys.
Oh, smart idea.
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289. Yes.
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290. New york city, you know.
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291. My name's james.
Welcome to dallas bbq.
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292. - "first things first..."
- first things first...
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293. "who's paying?"
who's paying the bill?
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294. We don't know yet.
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295. "is anyone paying any more
than anyone else?"
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296. Is anyone paying any more
than anyone else?
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297. I don't know. It depends on what
people have. This is weird.
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298. "the person
who's paying the most,
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299. I'd like to speak to them."
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300. I'd like to know who's going
to pay the most,
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301. And that's the person
I'll direct my conversation to.
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302. Oh, I love you, buddy.
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303. Him.
Him? Sir...
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304. Only take orders
through him.
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305. What would you like?
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306. Let me get
a texas tsunami.
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307. And you can order
for everyone else.
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308. I'll take the orders
just from you.
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309. Okay.
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310. Okay, give me a mango,
a regular-sized mango.
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311. Oh, tell him that.
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312. A regular sized mango.
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313. Q: They're all going
through this guy.
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314. And what kind of side
would she like with that?
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315. Q: Yeah, point at her,
but talk to him.
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316. Does she want
any shot on the side?
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317. Uh...
She does not.
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318. Well, again,
my name is james.
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319. If you need anything,
I'm your guy.
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320. Look at her.
Look at her.
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321. Q: She's baffled.
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322. Oh, my god.
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323. She asked
for a different server.
Ooh.
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324. Alright.
Uh-oh.
What's going on?
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325. Ooh, this is good.
This is good.
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326. Oh, murr,
they're moving them.
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327. Murr, murr,
you're their new server.
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328. I have no idea.
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329. Hi, guys. My name is james.
Welcome to dallas bbq.
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330. I'll be your server
this evening.
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331. Start completely fresh.
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332. First question, who's going
to be paying the bill?
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333. Q: Murr, she's getting up
to leave again.
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334. Oh, wait. You guys moved tables?
You like the windows better?
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335. Oh, yeah.
The whole section.
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336. The whole section's
mine.
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337. Murr, she just said she doesn't
you. Get your feelings hurt.
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338. My apologies.
Did I say something wrong?
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339. Did I...
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340. Yeah, that's not
the way it's done.
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341. You don't go around saying,
"who's paying the least?
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342. Who's paying the most? I'm only
gonna speak to one
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343. Who's paying the most."
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344. You're out of order
and that was disrespectful.
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345. So, enough.
Go on.
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346. Murr, you drove them away
from you.
It's okay. It's okay.
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347. You can go back to them
with our trainee, jiggy.
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348. What?
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349. You may know
jiggy from season nine.
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350. There's jiggy.
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351. Send him in on
your behalf, buddy.
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352. okay. Okay. Here we go.
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353. I fully anticipate
a volcanic eruption right now.
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354. This is usually my section.
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355. I know you wanted
a different waiter.
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356. So this is mark.
He'll be helping you out.
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357. You're in good hands,
okay? Carry them.
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358. Mahalo.
My name is mark.
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359. I'll be taking care of you.
Welcome to dallas bbq.
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360. Can I start by asking
who's paying the most?
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361. Q: Oh, my god.
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362. Q couldn't serve up a win,
making him tonight's big loser.
Copy !req
363. Alright, today we are joined
by legendary actor,
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364. Best-selling author
and the star of "the evil dead",
Copy !req
365. Ash williams himself,
bruce campbell.
Copy !req
366. So we have an "evil dead"
inspired punishment for q.
Copy !req
367. Why you got to go and
ruin something
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368. That I love so much
with this?
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369. In case you haven't heard,
I'm retired as ash.
Copy !req
370. We need a new ash.
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371. We're here to see
if you have what it takes.
Copy !req
372. We've got a series of
"evil dead" inspired obstacles
Copy !req
373. Just waiting for you.
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374. All you have to do,
buddy,
Copy !req
375. Is walk through
that cabin door, if you dare.
Copy !req
376. Okay.
Copy !req
377. Today's a big day for q.
He loves the "evil dead" movies.
Copy !req
378. And he's a huge fan of
yours, bruce.
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379. Is this a punishment
or am I supposed to love this?
Copy !req
380. Full disclosure,
and this is like —
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381. It's a dream for q,
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382. But we're making it
a horrible dream.
Copy !req
383. But he is your biggest fan.
Copy !req
384. So basically, the more
you treat him like crap,
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385. The better it is for us.
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386. Screw him.
Copy !req
387. Alright, q,
head on in, buddy.
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388. Alright. Alright.
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389. Hey, ryan.
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390. Brian. It's brian.
It's brian, bruce.
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391. See, what this is in my pocket?
That's a release form.
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392. Yeah, okay.
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393. And if you don't do
what I tell you to do,
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394. I'm not signing
the release form,
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395. And legally,
you can't use this footage.
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396. Yeah, q,
you need bruce to sign that.
Copy !req
397. Thanks.
Wait, wait, wait!
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398. There's something
I wanted to tell you!
Copy !req
399. Come on.
Let's get down to business here.
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400. Please,
let me get this out.
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401. This cabin that I'm about to
walk into, bud,
Copy !req
402. When I was a scout —
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403. We can cut this out, right?
Yeah.
Copy !req
404. I would turn this
into a haunted house,
Copy !req
405. And I would do
"evil dead" stuff in it.
Copy !req
406. So to be here today with you —
Copy !req
407. We don't want to
hear your stories, by the way.
Copy !req
408. We don't.
We're just not interested.
Copy !req
409. It's that simple.
Okay, fair enough,
bruce.
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410. Well, they say
never meet your heroes.
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411. So, I'm just walking in?
Copy !req
412. That's it, buddy.
Simple punishment.
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413. Action.
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414. I'm ready for this.
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415. Oh! Oh, my god!
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416. How do you shut
it off?
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417. Okay. Hold on.
Hold on. Sorry. Sorry, guys.
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418. She got me
in my eyes like that.
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419. Ryan, you do realize
that you ruined the shot?
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420. Never stop.
Okay. Never stop.
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421. Never break character,
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422. Or I'm not signing
this release form.
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423. Oh, my god.
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424. Oh. Alright.
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425. Alright.
Come on. Let's do it.
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426. Way to start it all.
Oh, my god, we're so
doomed.
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427. Your idol is here,
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428. And you're disappointing
him left and right.
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429. Alright, q, walk into
"the evil dead", buddy.
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430. Q, you might be wondering
what is up next.
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431. Okay, ryan, you got some
crockery in the kitchen. Use it.
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432. Yeah. You know the movie.
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433. I think your hand
is possessed, buddy.
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434. Break the bottles
and plates over your head.
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435. Are these breakaway plates
or are they glass plates?
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436. Just do it.
Don't ask.
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437. Okay, alright.
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438. Ah!
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439. Okay.
Cut, cut, cut.
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440. That was terrible.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
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441. You flew cross country.
He flew cross country.
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442. You're doing it
like a grandmother.
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443. Let me demonstrate,
if you please.
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444. Okay. That's how you do that
, okay?
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445. Come on, ryan.
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446. Alright?
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447. Okay, it's breakaway.
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448. Everything in here
is breakaway.
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449. This is crazy.
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450. Okay? Bam!
Get it right.
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451. Little better?
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452. A little better.
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453. Make us believe that your
hand is possessed.
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454. You love the movie.
Get into it.
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455. And action.
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456. That's better.
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457. Oh!
You son of a bitch!
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458. Ah!
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459. Do some of the ones
on the other side.
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460. Oh!
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461. That was a real plate.
Oh, my god.
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462. Why would you guys
put a real plate
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463. On this set?
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464. What do you want me to do about
it? It's a punishment.
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465. I'm sorry.
Oh.
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466. Q, you know what else is iconic
in "evil dead" movies?
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467. The demon cam.
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468. Whenever the demon cam
comes at you,
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469. You run and scream.
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470. One other thing, q —
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471. There's actually
poison ivy on it. Run.
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472. No, no, no, no!
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473. That's it.
That's the emotion.
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474. That is real staten island
poison ivy.
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475. Get away. Get away.
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476. Thank god he's a pussy.
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477. Because, you know, look.
Look at this.
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478. I don't think he's acting
right now.
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479. Q, the only way to get away
from it
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480. Is through the door,
buddy.
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481. Q:
The door with no door knob.
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482. You got it.
Summon your inner ash.
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483. Cut, cut. Okay.
Print that one.
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484. Yeah.
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485. I don't know if you saw this
yet, q,
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486. But on the chair
right there,
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487. That is the mariano rivera
personalized jersey
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488. That was framed
in his house,
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489. And we had your assistant
come today
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490. And take it off the wall,
take it out of the frame.
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491. And we are going to destroy it,
and I'm sorry.
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492. What do you mean, you're sorry?
Mariano rivera signed that.
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493. That's irreplaceable.
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494. The whole point, dummy,
is to protect the jersey.
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495. No, guys.
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496. Action.
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497. Uh-oh, here comes
the demon cam, q.
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498. The poison ivy's back.
Alright.
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499. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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500. Do it.
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501. No! No, no, no, no.
Guys, it's valuable!
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502. It was valuable.
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503. Oh, no.
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504. I'm sorry, buddy.
Guys.
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505. Next scene.
Smash through that door
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506. And get out of the cabin.
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507. Come on, fat ash.
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508. He won't be laughing soon.
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509. Action!
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510. Okay, cut, cut.
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511. Hang on, doofus.
Hang on.
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512. Hey, dan? Dan? Dan cass?
Sorry to bother you.
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513. It looks like he can't get
through the door.
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514. Oh, we didn't take off
the plywood.
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515. Oh, so that's a real door.
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516. Okay, look, obviously, this guy
is not man enough to do that.
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517. Q, I think you need some help
getting through that final door.
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518. Action!
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519. Oh, my god.
Look at the size of him.
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520. What the hell?
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521. What is this?
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522. No!
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523. Oh, my god.
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524. - Oh, my god.
- What is this?
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525. No!
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526. Okay, cut.
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527. Is that it?
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528. I'm out of the cabin,
so the movie's over now?
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529. Yeah, that's it. Yeah.
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530. Get away! Get away!
What is this?
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531. Oh, q, the trees are alive.
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532. You know that.
Take him away.
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533. Q, let's keep it going.
This movie's not ending.
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534. The horror doesn't stop.
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535. You know, buddy,
in "evil dead",
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536. Ash goes into the pond
face down.
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537. Action.
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait!
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538. Oh, god.
Oh, god.
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539. Okay, a couple notes.
Where are the bubbles?
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540. Where are the bubbles?
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541. So, you have to make contact.
After a couple of beats,
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542. Bubbles,
bubbles, bubbles.
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543. Oh, my god.
That's disgusting, dude.
So, let's do it again.
One more time.
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544. Action!
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545. Oh!
I saw a bubble!
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546. Okay.
Oh, god. Oh, god.
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547. oh, no.
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548. Okay. Cut, cut. You know
what? That's almost usable.
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549. that was better. Yeah.
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550. That was more authentic.
Way more authentic.
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551. I can't even take it.
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552. You don't have
swamp water in your mouth.
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553. I have a weak
constitution.
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554. You're making people
puke up here.
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555. That's enough of that.
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556. This isn't my punishment.
Get out.
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557. Q, punishment's
not over yet, buddy.
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558. And action.
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559. Oh, boy.
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560. Get out, q!
Do it!
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561. You're coming in with me.
Get over —
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562. Cut! Come on, ryan!
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563. You know what'll get him out?
The demon cam.
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564. No, the poison ivy off!
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565. Ah!
ah!
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566. Stunningly bad acting.
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567. Never work with animals,
children, or ryan.
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568. Get the poison ivy
away from me.
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569. Get back to the cabin
before you have a heart attack.
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570. Q, is "evil dead" still
your favorite movie?
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571. You know, you did
pretty good.
Did I?
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572. Yeah, ryan, I just want to give
you one last piece of advice.
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573. Ahhhh!
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574. Okay.
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575. No, actually the truth
of it is, I want to thank you.
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576. You want to thank me?
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577. Yeah. Thanks for nothing.
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578. Alright.
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579. Bruce, will you sign
the release?
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580. Yeah. Now I'll sign
the release.
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581. Bruce campbell!
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582. Good job, ryan.
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583. I'll sign it in blood.
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584. - Here you go.
- Thank you, sir.
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585. Okay, cut, cut, cut.
Get this guy out of my sight.
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