iCarly 3x9

Directed by Steve Hoefer

Boogie as T-Bo • Noah Munck as Gibby Gibson • Joey Luthman as Dave • Daven Wilson as Fleck • Scott Dean as Henry

After arguing, Sam and Carly decide to end iCarly for good. Meanwhile, Spencer gets obsessed with winning a boat only to find out he has no place to put it.

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1. And when

2. the rinse cycle began,

3. the washing machine

4. started to wobble

5. and make strange

6. rumbling noises.

7. - Okay, this ghost story

8. is going nowhere.

9. - You're not scary.

10. Just wait.

11. Then, finally,

12. I called customer service

13. and they told me

14. my washing machine

15. was out of warranty.

16. - Anything else?

17. Can I come

18. wash some clothes at your house?

19. - No!

20. Oh!

21. - Get out of here, you bra!

22. Hey!

23. - You bad bra, you.

24. - That's not scary.

25. - No. Please.

26. - Okay, a lot of you guys

27. have e-mailed and texted us,

28. asking if—

29. What?

30. - I thought I heard

31. Spencer coming.

32. - He's night-fishing

33. with Socko.

34. - Okay.

35. - Sorry,

36. Sam and Spencer are involved

37. in a little game this week.

38. - It's called Assassin

39. and it's not a game.

40. - They use blow-tubes

41. with little paint balls

42. and try to get each other.

43. - It's serious chiz.

44. Carly lost on the first day.

45. - Spencer whacked me

46. while I was eating toast.

47. - And I got Freddie while he was

48. doin' a camera test.

49. Show 'em, Fredbag.

50. Tilt it down?

51. - Yeah. Wait, not that much.

52. Back up.

53. Okay. Like this?

54. - Yeah.

55. - No, Sam. Not now. Wait!

56. I blow, I score. Ninja!

57. - So the only two people

58. left in the game now

59. are Sam and my brother, Spencer.

60. - Not for long.

61. Spencer gonna get got.

62. - I apologize for her grammar.

63. - I'm not educated,

64. but I'm a lot of fun.

65. - It's true.

66. Now, to close the show...

67. - No, Sam, don't—

68. and we're not clear.

69. In five, four, three, two...

70. - Aah!

71. - I thought

72. you were gonna be Sam.

73. - Give me it.

74. - No. I need it.

75. - Give me it.

76. - Now, how am I gonna defend

77. myself when Sam—

78. - Stop it! Stop it!

79. Give me your blow-tube.

80. - But all I—

81. Hep!

82. Ah ba ba ba!

83. Ah ba ba ba ba!

84. You stand up.

85. Now, I'm putting your guys'

86. little Assassin game on hold

87. till we finish shooting

88. this dare for iCarly.

89. Are we clear?

90. - Just give us back—

91. Are we clear?

92. - Okay.

93. - Yes'm.

94. So, uh, what dare?

95. - An iCarly fan dared Carly

96. to wear a bunny suit

97. and offer to brush

98. people's teeth for a dollar.

99. - Man. Your web show's weird.

100. - Who's not ready?

101. - Let's do it.

102. - We'll be back in two hours.

103. - Okay. Be careful.

104. Agua.

105. Uh, Maybe.

106. We will.

107. - Where'd you get

108. a little one?

109. - A good assassin

110. always has a backup.

111. - Up against the wall.

112. Feet apart.

113. - Yeah, feet apart!

114. - Really?

115. - Really?

116. - Let's go.

117. - She's a clever one.

118. - Okay, my pizza,

119. the time has come.

120. Oh, yes.

121. Who's a pretty pie?

122. - Spencer!

123. - Hey!

124. No, Carly said

125. the game is on hold until—

126. - Freddie's hurt.

127. - Yeah, right.

128. I'm not fallin' for—

129. - I'm not kidding.

130. Freddie's hurt.

131. - Wait, what happened?

132. - Carly was crossing the street

133. and a taco truck

134. came around the corner

135. and Carly didn't see the truck

136. and so Freddie ran out and

137. pushed Carly out of the way—

138. - Is Carly okay?

139. - Yes, but Freddie got hit.

140. - Okay, okay. Did you call 911?

141. - Yeah. Me and Carly both did.

142. - Oh, man, I better call

143. Mrs. Benson at work.

144. You bought a taco?

145. - Uh-huh.

146. - From the truck

147. that hit Freddie?

148. - Well, me starving

149. is not gonna help him.

150. - Oh, who is that?

151. Ugh, what do you two want?

152. - Can we please see Freddie?

153. - No.

154. - Yes. Mom, let 'em in.

155. - Fine.

156. Leave your shoes in the hall.

157. - Please, be nice.

158. - Of course.

159. Why wouldn't I be nice

160. to the girl

161. who tried to kill my son?

162. - Hello.

163. - Hi, Mrs. Benson.

164. How is he?

165. - Broken. Damaged.

166. But I see you look fine,

167. isn't that nice?

168. - Mom.

169. - And I see

170. you brought flowers,

171. which will only exacerbate

172. Freddie's allergies.

173. - Mom, I'm not allergic

174. to flowers.

175. - And you weren't allergic

176. to Mexican food trucks,

177. but look at you now.

178. I'll take these flowers

179. and I'll soak them in bleach.

180. - She's pretty upset.

181. - Really?

182. How you doin'?

183. - Okay. Pretty sore.

184. - Sore? You have a broken leg

185. and your hand is all smushed,

186. and it's all my fault.

187. - It's not your fault.

188. - Yeah, it is, if I'd

189. seen that stupid truck coming,

190. you never would've had to—

191. - Stop.

192. - Hey, look, his toes stick out

193. of his cast.

194. - Spencer.

195. - So, are you in much pain?

196. - I was, but the doctor

197. sent over some pills.

198. - You took one?

199. Well, sort of.

200. My mom thinks

201. I'll choke on pills

202. so she pounds 'em with a mallet

203. and puts the pill powder

204. in my fruit sauce.

205. - Fruit sauce?

206. - My mom thinks

207. I'll choke on fruit

208. so she pounds it with a mallet—

209. - It's not my business.

210. Can I use your bathroom?

211. - Sure, right through there.

212. Thanks.

213. - You saved my life.

214. - Come on.

215. - Sam said that truck

216. would have run right over me.

217. - Maybe.

218. Hey, you guys in here?

219. - Yeah, we're in Freddie's room.

220. - Did I hear Sam?

221. - Yeah, she's—

222. Duh!

223. - MRS.

224. - I'm sorry.

225. - What happened to the flowers?

226. - I soaked them in bleach

227. and pounded them with a mallet.

228. - Hey, Sam.

229. - Ah!

230. - Don't! I'm just a Gibby!

231. Sorry.

232. I'm on the lookout for Spencer.

233. We're the only two left

234. in the game.

235. - But you're at school.

236. So?

237. Spencer will try to sneak up

238. on me anywhere, anytime.

239. Even here.

240. Watch my back

241. while I get something

242. out of my locker.

243. - And what if I see Spencer?

244. - Use your face and body

245. to protect me.

246. - Ah, like a human shield.

247. - I was gonna say bullet-monkey,

248. but whatever tickles your peach.

249. - There's Spencer

250. with a fake beard.

251. - Oi!

252. - Rabbi Goldman!

253. - That was a real rabbi.

254. - I didn't know.

255. I don't have cable.

256. - Puckett,

257. you just earned yourself

258. triple detention.

259. Come along, rabbi.

260. - How my hair look, Sam?

261. - You look good, Gib.

262. - Where is he?

263. - In the shower.

264. His first cleansing

265. since the accident you caused.

266. - Mrs. Benson—

267. - Ah.

268. I have to go to the pharmacy

269. and get his meds.

270. Freddie, I'll be back

271. in 36 minutes.

272. It should have been you.

273. Oh!

274. - Freddie?

275. Mom?

276. - No, it's Carly. Your mom left.

277. What happened?

278. I fell.

279. - Are you okay?

280. Yeah.

281. But I don't think I can get up.

282. - All right,

283. I'll come help you.

284. No!

285. Don't come in here.

286. - Why not?

287. - 'Cause I'm in the shower.

288. - Well, you can't just lay

289. on the shower floor

290. for 36 minutes.

291. Just a sec.

292. - Hang on!

293. All right, Freddie.

294. I can't see anything.

295. I'm coming in. Where are you?

296. Down here.

297. Can you turn off the water?

298. Yeah. Here.

299. Ow. Easy.

300. Just move slow.

301. All right. Wait.

302. Let me get my robe.

303. Okay.

304. Put your arm through here.

305. Okay, okay.

306. - Are we walking the right way?

307. - Yeah, just keep going.

308. Ah!

309. - It hurts?

310. - Well, it doesn't feel good.

311. - Where's your bed?

312. - Yeah, just right—

313. just right here.

314. I'll sit first.

315. - Get under the covers.

316. - Yeah. I'm doin' it.

317. - You got it?

318. - Yeah. Whew.

319. Okay, you can take off

320. the goggles.

321. - That was scary. And wet.

322. - Yeah.

323. Thanks for helping me.

324. - If it wasn't for me,

325. you wouldn't need my help.

326. - Will you stop with that?

327. - You know, everyone at school

328. is saying you're a hero.

329. - I don't feel like a hero.

330. - Well, you are one...

331. To me.

332. - Freddie, I got you some—

333. - What the yuck?

334. - Nothing!

335. - Mom I wasn't—

336. - No, I'm just—

337. Nothing.

338. I was taking his temperature.

339. See? 98.6, healthy as a duck.

340. Bye.

341. - Carly, don't leave!

342. - She's beating me

343. with your underwear.

344. Mom. Oh no, no, no.

345. Mom, mom, please—no, mom.

346. - Hey, Carls.

347. Oh. You scared me.

348. - Yeah, I saw that.

349. - What were you doing

350. behind that bush?

351. - Lying in wait,

352. so I can get the drop on Spencer

353. when he comes home.

354. Man, you look even whiter

355. than usual.

356. You okay?

357. - Yeah, I'm fine.

358. - Freddie okay?

359. - Yes.

360. What are you,

361. the girl of many questions?

362. - Uh, what just happened

363. in there?

364. - I kissed Freddie!

365. - Well, good morning,

366. Mr. and Mrs. Benson.

367. - Sam...

368. - Stop.

369. - Oops, second bell.

370. See you after class.

371. - Yeah, savor it.

372. - Savor what?

373. - The love, the Carly love.

374. - Jealous?

375. - Gross.

376. - Then what's your problem?

377. - Not my problem, yours.

378. - Wait.

379. - Go to class, crutchie.

380. - What problem do I have?

381. - You want the truth?

382. - Let's hear it.

383. - Remember two years ago

384. when I dated that guy,

385. Eric Mosby,

386. the kid with the big nose?

387. - Sure, Noseby Mosby.

388. Uh-huh.

389. And remember how he tried

390. to get me to be his girlfriend

391. for like six months,

392. and I kept sayin':

393. "Get away from me

394. or I'll kill you"?

395. And then,

396. he bought me a subscription to

397. the "Bacons Of The World Club"?

398. And then, boom, I thought

399. I was in love with the guy?

400. - I'm listening.

401. - I was never in love with him.

402. I was in love

403. with the foreign bacon

404. that kept showin' up at my door

405. every month.

406. Like a beautiful greasy dream.

407. - Uh, I doubt that bacon

408. could make you think

409. you're in love with someone.

410. - You ever had bolivian bacon?

411. - No.

412. - It changes you.

413. - Well, I didn't buy Carly

414. any foreign bacon.

415. I saved her life.

416. - And that's Carly's bacon.

417. She's not in love with you.

418. She's in love with what you did.

419. - You just can't stand the idea

420. of Carly and me as a couple.

421. - Very true.

422. It makes me wanna puke up blood.

423. But still, what I said is true

424. and you know it.

425. - I gotta get to class.

426. - Here's Spencie!

427. Ow!

428. Ugh, I gotta quit saying

429. witty things before I blow.

430. - [high-pitched voice] Hello.

431. This is the housekeeper.

432. I'm very old and not Spencer.

433. - Who is it?

434. Delivery for Spencer Shay.

435. - Okay.

436. - Hey.

437. - Hey.

438. Okay. Bring it in.

439. - Here you go.

440. - Wait. Open it up.

441. Real slow-like.

442. Whoa...

443. You see a girl in there?

444. - No. Why, did you order one?

445. - No.

446. What's in it?

447. - Uh, just this.

448. - Just a lollipop?

449. - Yeah.

450. Except to where I come from,

451. we don't call it a lollipop.

452. - Oh.

453. Well, what do you call it?

454. - A sucker.

455. - What?

456. No.

457. - Yeah, baby! Momma wins!

458. I am the ultimate Assassin!

459. Whoo! Yeah!

460. - There you are.

461. - Here I am.

462. Spencer tell you

463. I was comin' over?

464. - Yeah, he said you wanna fix

465. something on the iCarly site?

466. - I'm just gonna bump up

467. the speed with this eight core,

468. three gigahertz server.

469. - Oooh, I love it

470. when you talk all techie.

471. - Really?

472. - Yeah.

473. It's cute and geeky

474. at the same time.

475. It's cu-ky.

476. - You've never called

477. my tech-talk cu-ky before.

478. - Well, that was before

479. we were— you know?

480. - Ooh.

481. - You retreated.

482. - I didn't retreat.

483. - You kinda did. What's wrong?

484. - Nothing.

485. It's just— so, are we—

486. like, boyfriend and girlfriend

487. now?

488. - I dunno, maybe.

489. - Oh.

490. - Well, don't say "Oh"

491. like that.

492. - I just said "Oh".

493. - No, you said it

494. like you were at a raffle,

495. and you won a prize,

496. and then you found out the prize

497. was just a can of soup,

498. so you go, "Oh."

499. - You know I like you

500. way better than most soups.

501. - Well, yay.

502. Now, what do wanna do,

503. kiss or bump up your four-score

504. giggle-jam server?

505. - Eight core, three gigahertz.

506. - Yeah

507. that's really interesting.

508. Come here.

509. - Wow, you seriously

510. don't wanna kiss me.

511. Why?

512. - 'Cause...

513. I'm just bacon!

514. - You're bacon?

515. - Foreign bacon.

516. - Did that taco truck

517. hit you in your brain?

518. - I thought you wanted me

519. to be your girlfriend

520. since the first day you met me.

521. - I have.

522. - Well?

523. I'm standing here with my lips

524. all glossed up

525. and you're treating me like

526. I'm your icky cousin Amanda.

527. - Amanda is disgusting.

528. - Freddie—

529. - Okay, you know how

530. you've always said you like me,

531. but that you don't like me

532. that way?

533. You know, the good way?

534. - Yeah, but that was before—

535. - Before I saved your life?

536. - So?

537. - Nothing's changed.

538. I'm still the same Freddie

539. and you're still the same Carly.

540. - But I love—

541. You love what I did.

542. You love that I risked my life

543. to save yours.

544. But I don't think

545. you're in love with me.

546. You just think you are.

547. - You mean like when Sam

548. dated Noseby Mosby

549. because he got her

550. all that bacon?

551. - Bacon. Yeah, exactly.

552. - So, you don't want me

553. to be your girlfriend?

554. - No, I do.

555. But... I think we should

556. wait a while

557. 'til I'm out of this cast and

558. this whole hero thing wears off.

559. And then, if you still

560. wanna be my girlfriend,

561. I'd be really psyched about it.

562. - Okay.

563. - I should probably get home

564. so my mom can spray me.

565. Well, I'll see you tomorrow.

566. - Yeah, um, listen,

567. when we kissed before,

568. I didn't realize that would be

569. our last one—for a while—

570. so, I was thinkin'

571. maybe if you wanted to...

572. - 'Night, Freddie.

573. - What did I do?

574. - Hi, watch me feed baby Spencer

575. some salsa.

576. - Yay. Baby like salsa.

577. There you go.

578. - Yeah, yummy.

579. - Okay. Dance, baby.

580. Mmm!