iCarly 3x8

1. - Oh, yeah.

2. Oh, yeah!

3. Oh, look at her.

4. She's gorgeous.

5. Oh, yes.

6. Yeah, uh-huh.

7. She's big but fast.

8. - Uh, what are you watching?

9. - The Boat Network.

10. - There's a Boat Network?

11. - Yeah.

12. 322, right between

13. the Allergy channel

14. and the Mexican dessert

15. channel.

16. - Why are you watching

17. a show about boats?

18. - Because all week long,

19. they're having

20. this big win-a-boat contest.

21. They're asking a bunch

22. of boat trivia questions,

23. and whoever texts in the most

24. correct answers wins the boat.

25. - Ah, so that's why you have

26. your big book of boats out.

27. - No, I was just pressing

28. some flowers.

29. - Aw, pretty.

30. - What?

31. - Come here.

32. Check out this video

33. these guys sent to iCarly.

34. - Now before beginning

35. a surgical procedure,

36. I first put on my blindfold.

37. - Blindfold?

38. But how will you see?

39. - Who are these guys?

40. - Fleck and Dave.

41. - So why did they send us

42. that video?

43. - Let's read the email.

44. - In 1997,

45. famous boat designer

46. Joe Catania built what?

47. - The world's largest dinghy!

48. - Okay, they say...

49. "Dear Carly and Sam..."

50. and Freddie.

51. - Ooh, they mentioned you.

52. - No, I added me.

53. - Just read.

54. - "We love "iCarly," so please,

55. "please, please play

56. our surgery video on your show.

57. And to show you how bad

58. we want this, click here."

59. - Click there.

60. - Carly...

61. - Sam...

62. - If you don't

63. play our video...

64. - We're going to

65. eat bananas...

66. Till we explode!

67. - Yeah!

68. Play our video.

69. - Play our video!

70. - Play our video!

71. - Please play our video!

72. - Do you think we should

73. play their video?

74. - I don't know, I kind of

75. want to see them explode.

76. - In 5, 4, 3, 2.

77. - Okay, as you know...

78. - Here at "iCarly"...

79. - We get tons of videos sent

80. to us from you guys, our fans.

81. - Most of them suck cheese.

82. - Sam!

83. Anyway, a few days ago...

84. - We got a video

85. from two dudes named...

86. - Fleck and Dave.

87. - And it was so good...

88. - We invited them right here to

89. meet you live on the webernet.

90. - So pull your hands apart.

91. - And take it down for...

92. Fleck and Dave!

93. - Uh, plastic spoons?

94. - They were out of forks.

95. - Walk away, Gibby.

96. - All right, now this is Fleck.

97. - Fleck.

98. - And he be Dave.

99. - I be!

100. - He be!

101. - And you guys make all kinds

102. of wacky videos

103. and put them up

104. on SplashFace, right?

105. - Yeah, we do.

106. - And how long have you guys

107. been doing this together?

108. - Well, we first met—

109. wait, when did we meet?

110. - I think it was back

111. in the 1962 Olympics.

112. - Right, in Fresno.

113. - Mm-hmm.

114. - Now the video

115. these guys sent us...

116. - Pretty dang hilarious.

117. - The opposite of low-larious.

118. - Oh, I begged her

119. not to say that.

120. - I should have listened.

121. - Playback.

122. - Now that my blindfold

123. is secure,

124. it's time to

125. anesthesiate the patient.

126. - "Anesthesiate"?

127. - Breathe deeply.

128. There you go.

129. Breathe in...

130. It's time for...

131. surgery.

132. Now I take my scalpel

133. and make a small incision

134. just above

135. the patient's belly button.

136. I'm bleeding.

137. Is that supposed to happen?

138. - No, stop bleeding.

139. - How?

140. - You're making a mess.

141. - Help me.

142. Help me!

143. - More anestheziation.

144. - Mmm.

145. - Mmm!

146. - So what do you think?

147. - Rocking smoothie.

148. - Yeah, it's like sweet but...

149. - Hot, hot!

150. - Hot!

151. - Oh, my God!

152. - Oh!

153. - They're hot, right?

154. - Yeah.

155. - I know.

156. - What's in these smoothies?

157. - Jalapeño juice.

158. The spicy mixes with the sweet

159. to give them

160. a one of a kind evil taste.

161. - No chiz.

162. - Cheers.

163. - So what did you guys think

164. of being on "iCarly" tonight?

165. - Awesome.

166. - Insane.

167. We've been dying to get one

168. of our videos on your show.

169. - Like forever.

170. - You know, our video was

171. viewed by more people

172. tonight on "iCarly"

173. than our last video was

174. viewed in a whole year.

175. - You guys got vicious power.

176. - Oh, we know.

177. - So are you guys working

178. on anything new?

179. - Yeah, our next video's

180. got to be,

181. like, off the charts awesome.

182. - How come?

183. - My parents want me to quit

184. making videos with Fleck.

185. - Why?

186. - Because his dad

187. doesn't like me.

188. - My dad hates you.

189. But it's not just that.

190. He thinks comedy videos

191. are a waste of time.

192. - So who cares what he thinks?

193. - Some people pay attention

194. to their parents.

195. - Losers.

196. - You guys know about iShorts?

197. - Sure.

198. - I love that site.

199. - Well, they're doing

200. this thing.

201. Best comedy video submitted

202. by the end of this month

203. wins five grand.

204. - Five grand?

205. - Grand means thousand.

206. - I'm hip.

207. - Hip people don't say hip.

208. - Fine, I'm down, I'm cool,

209. I'm jiggly, whatever.

210. Wow, that's a hot smoothie.

211. - So what's your guys'

212. next video going to be?

213. - Well, that depends.

214. - On?

215. - Us coming up with an idea.

216. - So you got nothing?

217. - Nada.

218. - Zero.

219. - Well, if you guys

220. want us to help—

221. - Oh, yes, please, please,

222. please, please!

223. - Oh, yes, please, please.

224. Yeah.

225. - I think they want our help.

226. - My tongue needs help.

227. - These things are good,

228. but way too much heat.

229. - Seriously, I'm sweating.

230. Feel my pit.

231. - Feel my no.

232. - Who likes turkey breast?

233. - Dude, would you get out—

234. give me two.

235. - You texted?

236. - Yeah, I need your help

237. to win the boat.

238. - Contest is still going on?

239. - All week.

240. I've been watching

241. the Boat Network 24/7

242. for the past three days.

243. And so far, I've texted in

244. at least 14 right answers.

245. - So you think you'll win?

246. - Maybe.

247. But I've gotta shower,

248. and I'm worried they're gonna

249. ask another question

250. while I'm in there.

251. - You haven't showered

252. in 3 days?

253. - No.

254. - Ew.

255. - I know.

256. Yesterday, I was

257. just smelling kind of French,

258. but now it's getting

259. really bad.

260. Whoa!

261. Will you help me?

262. - I am not giving you

263. a sponge bath

264. while you watch TV.

265. Not after last time.

266. - No!

267. See, I've angled these mirrors

268. so I can take a shower

269. and still see the TV.

270. So if they ask a question,

271. I can jump right on it.

272. - You know you're a grown man?

273. - I just need your help

274. adjusting

275. this last mirror

276. once I get in the shower.

277. - Go for it.

278. - Stay right there.

279. Okay, a little to the left.

280. - Okay.

281. - A little more.

282. Stop!

283. I can see the TV perfectly now.

284. Okay, I'm going to shower.

285. - Is that a birthmark

286. on your butt?

287. - Don't look at it!

288. - You're overreacting.

289. - You haven't seen

290. overreacting, young man.

291. What were you thinking?

292. Get out!

293. I'm going to call your mom!

294. - Your dad is loud.

295. - You make him loud.

296. - He overreacted.

297. - You can't use

298. another man's toothbrush.

299. - Come in.

300. - How's it going, fellas?

301. - Oh, hey, what's up?

302. - What's goin' on?

303. - Hey, what's up?

304. - So do you guys like

305. our purple outfits?

306. - Totally.

307. - All right, let's get

308. the video shoot started.

309. - Okay, I'll get my dad

310. to bring his car in here.

311. - I can just push it in.

312. - But be careful.

313. - Hey, maybe you want to help

314. Fleck push the car in?

315. - Why me?

316. - Feel my muscle.

317. - Yeah, I-I better do it.

318. - So this is our script?

319. - Yeah, I just put down

320. some basic ideas

321. because I figured you guys

322. want to improvise and stuff.

323. - Yeah, on "iCarly,"

324. Sam and I usu—

325. - Aah, what did you do?

326. - Push like a man!

327. - Fleck!

328. - Yeah, what's up?

329. - How did my dad's car

330. get purple?

331. - I've used about 12 cans

332. of this stuff.

333. - Dude, my dad's

334. going to murder me.

335. - I brought salad.

336. - You said he was cool with us

337. using his car in our video.

338. - Yeah, but he didn't say

339. we could paint it purple.

340. - Our characters come

341. from a purple planet.

342. - Who cares we're playing—

343. - If we're playing

344. Purpepulons from the planet

345. Purplelonia, then our vehicle's

346. got to be purple.

347. Don't you guys agree with it?

348. - Whoa, whoa!

349. Whoa!

350. Whoa, okay.

351. I know you're upset,

352. but hedge clippers

353. are never the answer.

354. - Well—

355. - Never the answer!

356. - Hey, you guys ever watched

357. the Mexican dessert channel?

358. - Dude, when my dad

359. sees this car,

360. he's gonna explode.

361. - Get that on film

362. and you'll definitely win

363. the iShorts competition.

364. - Your dad's never going

365. to know his car was purple.

366. See this?

367. I bought paint remover.

368. - How is 1 ounce

369. of paint remover

370. gonna clean up

371. this whole car?

372. I've got two.

373. You're mean to me.

374. You know, I'm getting sick

375. and tired of your criticism.

376. - Are you?

377. - Guys, let's chill out

378. a little, okay?

379. It's totally normal for friends

380. to get on each other's nerves

381. once in a while.

382. - You have no idea what it's

383. like working with this nut job.

384. - What do you mean by that?

385. - You always gotta stress

386. about every little thing.

387. - You cause my stress.

388. You give me chest pains

389. and I'm only 13.

390. Ow.

391. - This is getting out

392. of control.

393. We need to fix this.

394. - I got it.

395. - Are you kidding me?

396. This is all your fault.

397. - No, it's your fault.

398. - How is it my fault?

399. - I'm the one who came up with

400. the idea in the first place.

401. - I don't like seeing

402. purple boys fight, all right?

403. Either you guys are friends

404. or you're not.

405. Now what's it going to be?

406. - Not

407. - So not.

408. Not!

409. - I didn't get this.

410. - Really?

411. - How does this game work?

412. - Easy.

413. You just gotta try to move

414. your hands out of the way

415. before I smack them.

416. - Well, then, when do you—

417. aah!

418. Ow!

419. That's not fun.

420. - Then have faster reflexes.

421. - I don't want to play that—

422. aah!

423. - It's okay.

424. You're doing awesome.

425. - How can you just stand there

426. and play with Freddie?

427. - What?

428. - Fleck and Dave?

429. - Oh, they broke up.

430. - Ooh, you're getting

431. better at this.

432. - Come on, those guys

433. were hilarious together.

434. - So?

435. - We need to fix this.

436. Let's go talk to them.

437. - They said they'd never speak

438. to each other ever again.

439. - Well, then you go talk

440. to Fleck

441. and I'll go talk to Dave.

442. - Fine.

443. But one thing first.

444. - What?

445. - I won the boat!

446. I won the boat, I won the boat!

447. Won the boat!

448. I won it, won the boat!

449. - You won the boat?

450. - No.

451. Yes, I won the boat!

452. Ahoy, landlubbers.

453. - Landlubbers?

454. - I do love the land.

455. - Look at the boat I won.

456. - Wow.

457. - Nice.

458. It's cool.

459. - Do you guys realize

460. what we can do with this boat?

461. - Sell it and pay somebody

462. to get the cat out of the wall.

463. - The cat's not still

464. in the wall?

465. - Game over.

466. - Um, I don't think this is

467. gonna be enough paint remover.

468. - This is all Fleck brought.

469. Jerky Fleck.

470. - So your dad was

471. pretty mad, huh?

472. - Well, first he yelled.

473. - Understandable.

474. - Then he did this

475. to my laptop...

476. with a hammer!

477. - Yeah, that's probably gonna

478. void the warranty.

479. - Whatever.

480. I don't need Fleck.

481. I'll just make

482. a funny video by myself

483. and I'll still win

484. the iShorts contest.

485. - I don't need Dave to win

486. the iShorts contest.

487. That boy was holding me back.

488. - Come on.

489. You guys are

490. way funny together.

491. - He's only funny when

492. I'm standing next to him.

493. Without me, Dave's

494. just a grumpy adolescent.

495. - Dude, your relationship

496. with Dave is really important.

497. You don't wanna just

498. throw away something that's—

499. You dip your French fries

500. in your smoothie?

501. - Oh, yeah.

502. Try it.

503. - Okay,

504. but it seems kinda weird,

505. 'cause the French fry's

506. all salty

507. and the smoothie's all—

508. oh, man, you're a genius.

509. - Yeah.

510. - But seriously.

511. Wait, what were

512. we talking about?

513. - Yeah, I know Fleck's

514. really funny,

515. but that doesn't give him

516. the right to ruin my life.

517. - Maybe you're exaggerating

518. a little.

519. - In the last three months,

520. he pushed me off my roof...

521. - Well, I'm sure

522. he didn't mean to.

523. - He set my pants on fire!

524. - Wow, that's rude.

525. But—

526. - And he sat on my sister.

527. - Yeah, but—

528. You must be frustrated.

529. - Yeah, you have no idea

530. what it's like to work

531. with someone who's

532. an irresponsible maniac.

533. - Oh, I kind of do.

534. - For real.

535. You can't understand what it's

536. like working with someone

537. who's always putting

538. the squish on good ideas

539. 'cause they're dangerous

540. or flammable.

541. - No, I get it.

542. Sometimes Carly

543. can be like that.

544. - And usually Sam

545. doesn't even get there

546. till, like, two minutes

547. before we start the show.

548. - Fleck's always late

549. like that.

550. Irritating, right?

551. - Well, yeah.

552. And you know, I'm the one

553. who plans out the show.

554. And I put everything

555. on these cute little

556. pastel-colored index cards

557. and half the time

558. she doesn't even look at them.

559. - Fleck blew his nose in one

560. of my index cards.

561. - Ew!

562. - Yeah, ew!

563. - Like one time, we were trying

564. to think of a funny iCarly bit,

565. so I go, "Hey, why don't

566. we put Freddie

567. in a diaper,

568. take him to the zoo

569. and make him sneak

570. into the tiger habitat?"

571. - That'd be epic.

572. - I know.

573. But Carly goes, "Oh, no.

574. What if

575. the tiger mauls Freddie?"

576. - Wait, wait.

577. She wanted to

578. put Freddie in a diaper

579. and make him sneak

580. into the tiger habitat?

581. - Yeah-huh!

582. - What if he got mauled?

583. - That's what I said.

584. - Yeah.

585. Maybe you are better off

586. without Dave.

587. - That's what I'm saying.

588. - Yeah, maybe you are

589. better off without Fleck.

590. - It's just kind of suckish

591. when I'm the one

592. who does all the hard work

593. and then someone else takes

594. half the credit, you know?

595. - Yeah, I know.

596. It's called my life.

597. - Ahoy.

598. Gibby ho!

599. - Hey, Spencer.

600. - So what do you think

601. of my hot new boat?

602. - It's awesome.

603. - Thanks.

604. - The SS "Placeholder."

605. That's its name?

606. - For now.

607. - Cool.

608. So where are you

609. gonna dock it?

610. - Down at the Seattle pier.

611. Why?

612. - That's pretty expensive.

613. - How do you know?

614. - My cousin keeps a boat

615. down at the pier.

616. Costs him like a grand a month.

617. - A grand?

618. - A grand means thousand.

619. - I know what a grand means.

620. How am I going to afford

621. a thousand bucks a month?

622. - Sell the boat.

623. I'm just brainstorming.

624. - I guess

625. I'll just keep the boat here

626. in the parking lot

627. and then take it to the water

628. when it's time for boating.

629. - So can I come aboard?

630. - If you say it right.

631. - Permission to come aboard,

632. captain?

633. - Permission, yeah.

634. Get up here.

635. - Aye aye.

636. - Watch your step.

637. Hold on tight.

638. There you go.

639. All right.

640. Yeah, there you go.

641. - Thanks.

642. So can I be,

643. like, your assistant?

644. - You mean my boat boy?

645. - I love that.

646. - Okay, but first

647. I'll need to christen you

648. with this novelty

649. nonalcoholic champagne bottle.

650. - Do it!

651. Yeah!

652. I'm a boat boy.

653. - Whoo!

654. - It's a boat!

655. - Hey.

656. - Hey.

657. So, how'd things

658. go with Fleck?

659. - Not great.

660. Dave?

661. - Bad.

662. - Then I don't know how

663. we're gonna fix those guys.

664. - Yeah, I don't even get

665. how they made videos

666. together

667. as long as they did.

668. - I know, sounds like he was

669. a nightmare to work with.

670. - The worst.

671. Wait, n—

672. - Wait.

673. - Wait, no, wait.

674. - Wait.

675. Which guy

676. are you talking about?

677. - Fleck.

678. - Whoa, no, no, no, no, no, no.

679. Fleck's the cool one.

680. - Huh?

681. - Well, Dave's

682. all Mr. Responsible

683. and, like, doesn't even get

684. the whole spontaneous

685. creative process thing.

686. - Oh, so you think

687. all the stuff Dave does

688. to make the Fleck and Dave

689. videos happen

690. means nothing?

691. - Well, not as much as

692. what happens on camera?

693. - Sure.

694. Figures you'd feel that way.

695. - Uh, you trying

696. to make a point here?

697. - Oh no, no,

698. no, no, no.

699. - Uh-oh, you, uh...

700. You've got a little sarcasm

701. on your mouth there.

702. - Let's just say I can relate

703. to Dave's frustrations.

704. - And there it is.

705. You think Dave's right

706. 'cause you're just like him.

707. - I'm just saying it might be

708. nice if you showed

709. a tiny bit of appreciation

710. for the work I do

711. to make "iCarly" happen.

712. - More appreciation?

713. You already named

714. the show after yourself.

715. - Well, if you don't like

716. the name "iCarly,"

717. then maybe we should change it

718. to "iSam who's too lazy

719. to even show up for

720. rehearsal most of the time."

721. - Anything else you want to

722. get off your chest?

723. - It's not like you didn't get

724. plenty off your chest too.

725. - Well, if you meant

726. everything you said,

727. then I don't even get why you'd

728. want to be friends with me.

729. - And back at you.

730. - Okay then.

731. - All friends have fights.

732. - Yeah, but this one

733. was different.

734. It wasn't even like a fight.

735. I mean, we didn't

736. yell or anything.

737. We just said stuff

738. and it was... bad.

739. - Come on, you and Sam

740. have been friends forever.

741. - I know, but...

742. people change.

743. - Mm-hmm.

744. That's what happened with me

745. and my friend Eddie Robinson.

746. He got hit by a bus.

747. Now he's Deadie Robinson.

748. Talk about change.

749. Try a muffin.

750. - He told us about his dead

751. friend and gave me a muffin.

752. - What's up, guys?

753. - Hey, Dave.

754. - Hola, David.

755. - Did you come up

756. with a funny idea

757. for the iShorts competition?

758. - I thought he and Fleck

759. broke up?

760. - They did.

761. - Yep...

762. which is why I'm going

763. to make

764. an awesomely hilarious video

765. by myself.

766. I don't need Fleck's

767. help or anyone's.

768. - That's right.

769. - Okay.

770. - Will you guys help me?

771. - No way.

772. Seriously?

773. - Yeah, so, I got his arm

774. behind his back

775. and I'm bending it and bending

776. it, but it won't snap.

777. So finally I decided

778. that I'm—um.

779. - What are you doing here?

780. - None of your bees cheese.

781. - We're having

782. a private meeting.

783. - Good, so are me and Fleck.

784. - How nice.

785. - T-Bo!

786. - What?

787. - We want a table as far away

788. from them as possible.

789. - Have I ever cared

790. where you sit?

791. - Come on, Fleck.

792. - I can't believe

793. she came here.

794. - You came here.

795. - I always come here.

796. - She always comes here too.

797. - Want to get thumped?

798. - Look, maybe it's fate

799. that you and Sam are both here.

800. Why don't you

801. go apologize to her?

802. - I have nothing

803. to apologize for.

804. Sam's the one

805. who should say she's sorry.

806. - She thinks you should say

807. you're sorry.

808. - Yeah, right.

809. I'll say I'm sorry to Carly

810. right after T-Bo graduates

811. from medical school.

812. - I happen to be a doctor

813. of smoothieology.

814. - And why don't you two

815. keep it down over there?

816. - Yeah.

817. Ow!

818. Fleck threw a muffin at me.

819. - Hey, no throwing muffin—

820. Ow!

821. Sam!

822. - It slipped.

823. - Uh, you got cranberry

824. on your nose.

825. - I'm so sorry.

826. - I accept your apology.

827. - It wasn't for you.

828. It was for that lady

829. I muffined.

830. - Guys, come on.

831. We have a web show to do

832. tomorrow night,

833. so you two

834. better work this out.

835. - Maybe I don't wanna

836. work it out.

837. - Fine.

838. I can do "iCarly" by myself.

839. - You can't do "iCarly"

840. without me.

841. - Yes, I can.

842. 'cause we do it at my house

843. and—and you're banned

844. from there!

845. - I don't want to be there.

846. I don't even want to be

847. in the same room with you.

848. - Well, lucky you.

849. There's the door.

850. - Good, why don't you use it?

851. - I will.

852. - No, I will.

853. Come on, Fleck.

854. - Let's go, Dave.

855. - Are you okay, ma'am?

856. Would you like to be help—

857. - No!

858. - Ah!

859. There's nothing like

860. a sunny day on the high seas,

861. captaining

862. a fine nautical boat.

863. Aah, Gibby!

864. - I'm sorry.

865. I squeezed the nozzle too hard.

866. - You're supposed to create

867. a refreshing ocean spray.

868. That was like a whale peed

869. in my face.

870. - Well, when do we

871. take this thing

872. out in the ocean for real?

873. - When I figure out how to pay

874. for the dock space.

875. - Well, it's not much fun being

876. a boat boy in a parking lot.

877. - It's called paying your dues.

878. Now swab the deck

879. and rotate the shuttlecock

880. towards the starboard bow.

881. - I don't know

882. what that stuff means.

883. - Then consult

884. your boat boy handbook!

885. - Hey!

886. - Hiya.

887. - Aho!

888. - Look at

889. the pronunciation key.

890. - Ahoy!

891. - Your boat is

892. in my parking space.

893. - I'm sorry.

894. They dropped it off here

895. and I don't have anywhere else

896. to put it yet.

897. - How about in the ocean?

898. - That's why I keep saying.

899. - Gibby.

900. - That is my spot.

901. My dad pays extra for it.

902. - Why don't you and your dad

903. come hang out

904. with us on the boat?

905. It's pretty fun.

906. And later on my boat boy

907. is going to barbecue

908. some chicken.

909. - I make my own sauce.

910. - I'm not interested

911. in your sauce.

912. And I don't want to hang out

913. on your stupid boat.

914. You're lucky I gotta go

915. to baseball practice.

916. But if that boat's still here

917. when I get back,

918. I'm going to kick your butts.

919. - Ooh!

920. Big talk from a guy

921. who doesn't even have a boat.

922. Bye-bye.

923. Drive recklessly.

924. Man, that guy

925. is such a dishra—hey!

926. Save it for the chicken.

927. - In 5, 4, 3, 2...

928. Hello, I'm Freddie.

929. Thank you.

930. Tonight on "iCarly,"

931. we embark on a bold experiment

932. in live webcasting,

933. since Carly and Sam

934. will be doing the show

935. from different locations.

936. So cross your fingers

937. and all other parts of you.

938. - "iCarly" presents

939. dual location webcasting.

940. Yeah!

941. - Tonight Sam is webcasting

942. from a super-secret location.

943. - I'm in my living room.

944. - It was super-secret.

945. Now it's not.

946. - What did she say?

947. - Nothing.

948. Helping us out tonight

949. are two of the funniest

950. video makers ever,

951. my buddy Dave...

952. - What up, web watchers?

953. - And here's Dave's more

954. entertaining partner, Fleck.

955. - Love me, and you get

956. this free knife.

957. Ooh.

958. - And now it's time for

959. another "iCarly"

960. pathetic play.

961. - Tonight, the vampire

962. with a gigantic nose...

963. - And the hobo who thought

964. the vampire's nose

965. was a grapefruit.

966. - Good evening.

967. Are you also a vampire?

968. - Why, no, no, no.

969. I'm a hobo.

970. - I've never tasted the blood

971. from the neck of a hobo.

972. - Well, I'll give you

973. a taste of my neck blood

974. for a bite of that grapefruit

975. on your face.

976. - Pardon me, but there is

977. no grapefruit upon my face.

978. - Of course there is.

979. Right where your nose

980. ought to be.

981. What's wrong?

982. - Sam's signal got scrambled.

983. Here, I got it.

984. - No, I not need to take a ride

985. on your choo choo train.

986. - Um, I haven't mentioned

987. a choo choo train.

988. Yet.

989. - Well, I wasn't sure

990. 'cause I couldn't hear you

991. for a moment there.

992. - Sorry there, vampire,

993. but I didn't hear

994. what you just uttered.

995. - Ah, if only our technical

996. producer wasn't such a diphead.

997. - Well, maybe someone

998. oughta let it go

999. and stick to the script.

1000. - Mm, perhaps I would

1001. if only a certain hobo

1002. had written a better script.

1003. - Well, I know

1004. a certain vampire

1005. who's asking for a pinch

1006. in the grapefruit.

1007. - Whoa.

1008. Things are getting pretty

1009. tense between Carly and Sam.

1010. - Ah, they'll be cool.

1011. Fish stick?

1012. - My favorite part

1013. of the fish, captain.

1014. [indistinct shouting

1015. and horns honking]

1016. Uh-oh, looks like trouble

1017. at the stern port... bow.

1018. - Let's go!

1019. - Whoa, he brought

1020. his baseball team.

1021. - Yeah, the pirates.

1022. - Hey, captain stupid.

1023. You gonna move

1024. your boat or not?

1025. - I don't have anywhere

1026. to take it yet.

1027. - Then we're coming aboard

1028. and taking over your boat.

1029. Huh?

1030. Right, guys?

1031. Let's get him.

1032. - What are we going to do?

1033. - Pelt them with fish sticks.

1034. Pelt!

1035. - Ow!

1036. - Pelt!

1037. Pelt, pelt, pelt!

1038. - Pelt!

1039. - Ahh!

1040. - Get off my boat.

1041. - Okay, you got us!

1042. You got us!

1043. - No, Gibby, we never

1044. surrender this boat!

1045. They have our boat.

1046. - But I got the sauce.

1047. - Okay, sorry about the

1048. technical difficulties tonight.

1049. But now that things are

1050. working again, why don't we—

1051. - Hello?

1052. - Sam?

1053. - Hello.

1054. - Can you hear me?

1055. - Can you hear me?

1056. - I don't think it's working.

1057. - Freddie's such an idiot.

1058. - You're still on.

1059. Freddie.

1060. Freddie!

1061. - While we resolve

1062. these technical difficulties,

1063. please enjoy

1064. this pre-taped video of a man

1065. biting the heads

1066. off Bambi dolls.

1067. - Sam, can you hear me?

1068. - I can now.

1069. This whole thing is jank.

1070. - What whole thing?

1071. - Us doing "iCarly"

1072. from different locations.

1073. - Please get her back so I can

1074. keep yelling at her.

1075. - I'm trying.

1076. - Sam!

1077. Sam, can you hear me or not?

1078. - Yeah, I hear you.

1079. I was saying that

1080. it's not my fault.

1081. You guys—

1082. Freddie, why am I upside down?

1083. - I'm working on it.

1084. There.

1085. - Uh, that's not me.

1086. - That's the Mexican

1087. dessert channel.

1088. - Thank you.

1089. - Okay, you know what...

1090. this isn't gonna work.

1091. - Yeah, no chiz.

1092. - Let's just end this.

1093. - Come on,

1094. you guys have never stopped

1095. in the middle

1096. of a show before.

1097. - I don't mean end this show.

1098. I mean end "iCarly."

1099. - Cool with me.

1100. - You guys, you can't just—

1101. - No, no, no, no, Sam, don't.

1102. - Sam.

1103. - Carly.

1104. - Hey.

1105. - Hey.

1106. - I just texted Dave.

1107. We're all set for

1108. you guys' shoot after school.

1109. - Good.

1110. - Whoa, I thought you were

1111. gonna help me and Fleck

1112. shoot stuff after school?

1113. - You never asked me to help

1114. you and Fleck.

1115. - That doesn't mean you can

1116. just back out on me.

1117. - Don't try to intimidate him.

1118. - Fleck and I gotta finish

1119. our video on time

1120. for the iShorts competition,

1121. which we're going to win.

1122. - No, Dave and I

1123. are going to win

1124. because we thought ahead

1125. and made a plan

1126. with Freddie

1127. to shoot our video.

1128. - I have as much of a right

1129. to Freddie as you.

1130. - You do not!

1131. Freddie loves me.

1132. - I can't believe you two

1133. are really breaking up.

1134. - Believe it.

1135. - Don't worry.

1136. I know this is hard for you,

1137. but...

1138. always remember,

1139. it's not your fault.

1140. - This has been coming

1141. a long time.

1142. - And just 'cause Sam

1143. and I are splitting up

1144. doesn't mean

1145. I love you any less.

1146. - And I don't hate you

1147. any more than I always have.

1148. - Come on, Freddie.

1149. Let's go to study hall.

1150. - Wait!

1151. You can't just take Freddie

1152. whenever you want him.

1153. - Okay.

1154. Maybe we should let Freddie

1155. decide who he wants to go with.

1156. - It's not fair to make him

1157. choose between us.

1158. He's just a boy.

1159. - Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.

1160. What if I want to choose?

1161. - Fine.

1162. I'll buy you a big,

1163. high speed hard drive.

1164. - You can't buy Freddie's love.

1165. Here's $20.

1166. - All right,

1167. I can't take this.

1168. - Oh, it's okay.

1169. - She doesn't mean to hurt you.

1170. - I just want things to be

1171. the way they were.

1172. - See what you did?

1173. - You're a monster.

1174. - Hey, peoples.

1175. - Hey.

1176. - Are you guys shooting stuff

1177. for "iCarly"?

1178. - No, not for "iCarly."

1179. - You didn't tell him

1180. that you and Sam—

1181. - I'll tell him later.

1182. Dave and I are shooting a video

1183. to try and win

1184. this competition on iShorts.

1185. - Dave?

1186. - I'm Dave.

1187. - iShorts?

1188. - Popular website.

1189. - That guy?

1190. - Morris.

1191. - I work for Loubert.

1192. Remember I got

1193. that cat out of your wall?

1194. Well, you know.

1195. - Anyway, now that I know

1196. what's going on,

1197. what are you guys shooting?

1198. - Just cool shots of Seattle

1199. at night from the 14th floor.

1200. - From his window

1201. washing platform.

1202. - From his wi—wh—

1203. holdy-hold up there.

1204. From his window washer's

1205. platform?

1206. - Yeah.

1207. - It's completely safe.

1208. I'm going to put the kids

1209. in harnesses

1210. and I'll be there

1211. with them the whole time.

1212. - Oh.

1213. You'll be careful?

1214. - Promise.

1215. - Okay.

1216. Then we're going to

1217. put together a giant slingshot

1218. and go buy 30 watermelons.

1219. - Shaboom!

1220. - Okay, you all wait here.

1221. I'll take the elevator down

1222. and get the harnesses.

1223. - Thanks.

1224. - Okay.

1225. - Wow, we're so high up.

1226. - Yeah.

1227. I bet if I spit from up here

1228. and it hit somebody

1229. in the parking lot,

1230. it'd go right

1231. through their skull.

1232. - That's the boyist thing

1233. I've ever heard a boy say.

1234. - Uh, excuse me?

1235. - What are you doing here?

1236. - What are you doing here?

1237. - Why are you here?

1238. - Why are you here?

1239. - We're here 'cause Freddie's

1240. helping me and Carly

1241. shoot some stuff

1242. for the video we're making.

1243. - Out on the window washer's

1244. platform?

1245. - Yeah.

1246. I set it up with Morris.

1247. - Well, I asked Morris too

1248. and he said I should

1249. meet him here tonight.

1250. Now.

1251. - Why would he tell you—

1252. - Because if you both

1253. asked him, he probably thought

1254. you guys wanted to shoot stuff

1255. together.

1256. - Well, we don't.

1257. Ryan Seacrest.

1258. Ha-ha!

1259. - Sam!

1260. - You're not wearing a harness!

1261. - Ha, harnesses

1262. are for fallers.

1263. - Get back in here.

1264. - No, me and Fleck

1265. get to go first

1266. 'cause I'm out here

1267. and you're not.

1268. - Oh, yeah?

1269. - No, no, no, Carly!

1270. Get back in here.

1271. - Let me go!

1272. Let me go!

1273. - This is not safe.

1274. - I wouldn't do that.

1275. - Guys, get back inside.

1276. It's way too dangerous to be

1277. out there without a harness.

1278. - You heard him.

1279. Go back inside.

1280. - You first.

1281. - Yeah, I don't think so.

1282. I ain't going anywhere.

1283. Give me that back!

1284. - What was that?

1285. - A very large bird?

1286. Who likes peanuts and nougat.

1287. Come on.

1288. We've got a job to do.

1289. - Set course

1290. for Payback Island.

1291. - Now... let's see what

1292. our pirate friends are up to.

1293. - What are they doing?

1294. - Having fun.

1295. Exceeding maximum occupancy.

1296. Hand me a melon.

1297. Now we pull back.

1298. So, Gibby,

1299. what happens

1300. when you strike a match?

1301. - Well, the friction

1302. from the match head

1303. against the striking surface—

1304. - Fire!

1305. - What was that?

1306. - Yeah!

1307. - Direct hit, sir.

1308. Eat that, pirates!

1309. - I think they're still hungry.

1310. - Then let's fruit some Jerks.

1311. - It was a watermelon.

1312. How can a watermelon—

1313. - Two more!

1314. - Yeah!

1315. Whoo!

1316. - Shall we hit them again, sir?

1317. - Indeed we shall.

1318. - I mean it!

1319. Both of you get

1320. back inside right now.

1321. - I'm not going back in

1322. unless Carly goes first.

1323. - I'm not going back in

1324. until Dave and I shoot

1325. what we need for our video.

1326. No matter how messy

1327. this wind makes my hair.

1328. - Carly, it's not worth it.

1329. And you guys are friends.

1330. You shouldn't be fighting.

1331. - Yeah, friends

1332. shouldn't fight.

1333. - I just said that.

1334. - Well, I thought it

1335. before you said it.

1336. - Liar.

1337. Man, it's really windy

1338. out here.

1339. - Hold on!

1340. - Oh, my God, Sam,

1341. we're moving.

1342. - And that's my fault?

1343. - Yes.

1344. You hit the button thingy.

1345. - Oh, man.

1346. Why'd I hit the button thingy?

1347. - Just make it stop!

1348. - How?

1349. Hit that— hit the red one.

1350. - Okay.

1351. - You guys okay?

1352. - I think so.

1353. - But how are

1354. we gonna get—

1355. - Carly!

1356. - Carly, don't let go.

1357. - Why on earth would I let go?

1358. - Shaboom.

1359. - It's insane.

1360. - Let's go.

1361. Come on.

1362. - Go back!

1363. Go back!

1364. Abandon ship, abandon ship!

1365. - Let's go, let's go,

1366. let's go, let's go, let's go.

1367. - Come on, let's go!

1368. - Whoo-hoo, yeah!

1369. - We did it!

1370. - Carly, don't let go.

1371. - Okay, but can you guys

1372. give me any other advice?

1373. - Whoo!

1374. - Hey...

1375. - What's going on up there?

1376. - I don't know.

1377. Huh, looks like—

1378. - Oh, no, ahh!

1379. - Shaboom.

1380. - I'm gonna fall,

1381. I'm gonna fall!

1382. - You're not going to fall.

1383. - Yes, I am!

1384. I'm slipping.

1385. - Well, don't slip!

1386. - I'm not slipping by choice!

1387. Stupid gravity!

1388. - Hang on.

1389. I'm coming to get you.

1390. - Sam, be careful.

1391. - Thanks for the tip!

1392. O-okay.

1393. Mama's coming.

1394. - I'm not scared.

1395. This is fun.

1396. - Spencer!

1397. - Got it!

1398. Move!

1399. Carly, don't let go.

1400. - Yeah, we're pretty much

1401. on the same page.

1402. - Sam, what are you doing?

1403. - Just relax.

1404. - Sam.

1405. - Here!

1406. Grab my hand.

1407. - I'm scared.

1408. - Me too!

1409. Just grab it.

1410. - Sam, you're not strong enough

1411. to pull her up.

1412. - Really?

1413. - She's up on the thing.

1414. - I see her up on the thing!

1415. Who's that guy?

1416. - Fleck.

1417. - Nice to meet you.

1418. - Come on.

1419. - Okay, okay...

1420. Okay, I'm up, I'm up.

1421. - Okay.

1422. - Okay, I'm gonna throw

1423. down the rope.

1424. - Hurry.

1425. - Okay.

1426. - Spencer—

1427. Situation!

1428. Situation!

1429. Situation, situation!

1430. - Okay, I got you.

1431. I got you, okay.

1432. - I got you, I got you!

1433. Wait, pull back

1434. the other foot.

1435. - I can't!

1436. I'm trapped!

1437. - I'm coming.

1438. - I can't; I'm trapped.

1439. - Okay.

1440. Ready?

1441. - Yeah.

1442. - Go.

1443. Okay, okay.

1444. Come on.

1445. Come on.

1446. - Hair, hair!

1447. - Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

1448. - Ow, ow.

1449. - Okay, go.

1450. Push, push!

1451. - I'm up.

1452. - Are you up?

1453. - Yeah, yeah!

1454. - Thanks so much.

1455. - Just tie it around yourselves

1456. and we'll pull you up.

1457. - Okay.

1458. - Okay, guys,

1459. grab on tight and get ready.

1460. - Are you girls ready?

1461. - Pull!

1462. - Pull already!

1463. - Pull.

1464. - Okay, we got this.

1465. - Ready?

1466. - Yeah.

1467. - Keep pulling!

1468. - Come on!

1469. - Pull, pull!

1470. - Keep going!

1471. Just a little bit more!

1472. - Come on.

1473. - There they are.

1474. Give me your hand.

1475. - Keep pulling!

1476. - Pull!

1477. - Okay, guys, got it! Got it!

1478. - Yeah, we got it, we got it!

1479. - Yeah!

1480. Yeah!

1481. - You guys okay?

1482. - I think so.

1483. - We're good.

1484. - That was way too close.

1485. - No chiz.

1486. - Well, we made it.

1487. - Yeah.

1488. - And neither one of us

1489. cried the whole time.

1490. - Nope.

1491. We're brave.

1492. - Yeah, we are.

1493. - I got the harnesses.

1494. What happened?

1495. - In 5, 4, 3, 2.

1496. - I'm the Carly.

1497. - I'm the Sam.

1498. And this is "iCarly."

1499. - You know

1500. our little friends Fleck...

1501. - And Dave.

1502. - Well, over the past week...

1503. - We helped Fleck and Dave

1504. shoot a fun little video.

1505. - For the competition

1506. at iShorts.com.

1507. So now...

1508. - Without further shkadoo...

1509. - We present...

1510. "The Blowing."

1511. - There's a wind coming.

1512. - A wind?

1513. - Strong wind.

1514. - Stronger than this?

1515. - Oh, yes.

1516. - How do we save ourselves

1517. from the wind?

1518. - We don't.

1519. How can we survive?

1520. - We can't.

1521. - Will we have time

1522. to make this movie?

1523. - We won't.

1524. - No one can save you.

1525. Oh.

1526. - What's happening?

1527. - Where's my ointment?

1528. - I don't know!

1529. - Not even your pasta is safe.

1530. - Tell me the name.

1531. You don't want to know.

1532. - Tell me the name

1533. of this wind!

1534. - They call it...

1535. The Blowing.

1536. - "The Blowing."

1537. Coming soon.

1538. - This wind blows!

1539. - Hey, Carly.

1540. Hey, Sam.

1541. My name's Tom,

1542. and I can play basketball

1543. and ride the unicycle

1544. at the same time.

1545. Mmm!