iCarly 3x5

1. - Why are we in trouble?

2. - Hush.

3. - Can't you just tell us

4. what we did?

5. - I don't know what you did

6. and if I did know,

7. I still wouldn't tell you,

8. so, ha ha ha ha.

9. - You're always

10. getting in trouble.

11. - You're always pointing

12. your finger at me like that.

13. What are you guys doin' here?

14. - You tell us.

15. - I'm sure it has something to

16. do with you.

17. - I haven't done

18. one bad thing this week.

19. - Oh, please.

20. I know

21. you put that big snapping turtle

22. in the teachers' toilet.

23. - You got it on video?

24. - No.

25. - Then I didn't do it.

26. - Why are we in trouble?

27. - Stop asking that.

28. - Principal Franklin

29. just asked us

30. to bring you all here.

31. Now, Sam—

32. - Attack!

33. Help!

34. I'm bein' attacked by a teacher.

35. - Hey, hey, people,

36. people, people!

37. Cheese 'n rice.

38. You can put your bat away.

39. Thank you

40. for bringing them here.

41. - Our pleasure.

42. - What are you gonna do to 'em?

43. - This is a private matter.

44. - We miss all the good stuff.

45. I don't deserve this, you know.

46. - Now...

47. - Why are we in trouble?

48. - You're not.

49. I just need a favor.

50. - What?

51. You need someone hurt?

52. - No.

53. - You want

54. someone to disappear?

55. Because my uncle Carmine can—

56. - No.

57. My daughter's birthday

58. is coming up,

59. and she is a huge fan of iCarly.

60. - Oh.

61. Well, then I bet she's pretty.

62. - So what's the favor?

63. - Well, I thought it would be,

64. you know, neat if I could say

65. happy birthday to her on iCarly.

66. - Oh, sure.

67. - Really?

68. - Uh, the boy doesn't make

69. the decisions, all right?

70. We need to uhh—could you—?

71. - Certainly.

72. - Should we?

73. - Well, yeah, but

74. our next show's already full.

75. - So we'll bump something.

76. - Fine, let's bump Gibby.

77. - Oh, no, he got his hair

78. done up all special.

79. - Whatever, we'll make it work.

80. - Okay.

81. - Um, sure, we'd love

82. to have you on the show.

83. - Great. Oh, man,

84. Emily's gonna be so excited.

85. - Principal Franklin.

86. Yes?

87. - Here's your ointment.

88. - Thank you.

89. - Everything all right?

90. - Yes,

91. it's just that the other day,

92. while using

93. the teacher's restroom,

94. I was bitten by a turtle.

95. - Well bye.

96. - Good luck.

97. - Pantalones.

98. In five, four, three, two...

99. - Hello?

100. - Y'over here.

101. - Oh, hey.

102. Where's Carly and Sam?

103. - Upstairs.

104. Carly's takin' a shower

105. and Sam's up there

106. puttin' Gibby in a toga.

107. - Oh, Gibby.

108. - He got his hair done up

109. all special.

110. - I know.

111. What's that, new sculpture?

112. Nah.

113. This is a mechanical bull.

114. It has all the rage and power

115. of a real bull.

116. - So what's it for?

117. - For to ride.

118. See, you sit on it, and then

119. you power it up

120. and it like whips you all around

121. in a frenzy of mechanical jerks

122. and spasms.

123. - Oooh.

124. - Yeah, and you try to hang on

125. and not get thrown off.

126. I found it in the junkyard.

127. - What's that stuff

128. stickin' outta the top there?

129. - I dunno...

130. I'm not sure I've got all the

131. parts in the right places yet.

132. You want a little preview?

133. - Sure, why not?

134. Yeah, have fun sittin' on that.

135. - Now, you all know

136. my brother Spencer is an artist

137. who makes

138. insanely awesome sculptures.

139. - It's true, he do.

140. - Now check out this new one

141. he made just a few weeks ago.

142. - We call it...

143. Those Gigantic Pants.

144. - This gigantic pants sculpture

145. was made by Spencer...

146. - ... along with

147. some actual prisoners...

148. - Two of which

149. tried to escape by—

150. Hello!

151. - Uh-oh, is there

152. another prisoner in there?

153. - Nope,

154. that's not a prisoner.

155. - It's our very own Principal

156. from Ridgeway High School...

157. Principal Franklin.

158. - Principal Franklin, welcome.

159. - All right, yeah.

160. - High five. C'mon!

161. Now, is there some special

162. reason why you're here?

163. - Yes, there is,

164. Carly and Sam.

165. I'm here to say

166. a special happy birthday

167. to one of your biggest fans,

168. my daughter Emily.

169. - You hear that, Emily?

170. - Happy birthday

171. from all of us at iCarly.

172. - Now let us celebrate

173. with the dropping of balloons...

174. - ... and multicolored feathers.

175. All right!

176. - Okay, bull,

177. prepare to be ridden.

178. But I warn you,

179. when I was a kid, I used to ride

180. a very rambunctious pony

181. named Princess

182. and he could never throw me off.

183. We'll start with level one.

184. La bamba!

185. Wooo.

186. This is fun.

187. Yeah.

188. - So that's how it's gonna be.

189. - Now, Emily, since we have

190. your dad right here with us...

191. - And since

192. it's your birthday...

193. - We thought you might be

194. psyched to see him play...

195. - One of the most popular games

196. we do here at iCarly.

197. ♪ Hey, hey.

198. - Okay, Principal Franklin.

199. - Are you ready

200. to sit on somethin' weird?

201. - Yes, I'm looking forward

202. to it.

203. - Gibby, the blindfold,

204. puh-leeze.

205. - Nice hair.

206. - Thanks, I had it done up

207. all special.

208. Okay, can you see?

209. - I see nothing.

210. - Excellent.

211. Now come this way to...

212. - Okay, now, before you sit...

213. - We're gonna

214. show the freaks at home

215. the secret item

216. you'll be sitting on.

217. - Very good.

218. - The secret item is...

219. Fudge balls.

220. - Shh.

221. - Okay, Sam,

222. fill the chair of wonder.

223. - Filling the chair of wonder.

224. - And 60 seconds on the Gibby.

225. - FREDDIE: 60 seconds.

226. - Okay, Principal Franklin,

227. you have 60 seconds to tell us

228. what you're sitting on.

229. - My butt is ready.

230. - Okay, then.

231. Come around here.

232. - Come around.

233. Sit just right there.

234. - Perfect.

235. - Good job.

236. - Okay.

237. Go!

238. - Uhhh—they feel

239. kind of round.

240. Is it—is it golf balls?

241. - No, not golf balls.

242. Is it dumplings?

243. - No, no, no, nope.

244. C'mon, keep guessing.

245. - All right bull,

246. you might throw me,

247. but now you can't hurt me.

248. Hey Jude!

249. - Aah, aah, aah!

250. You hurt me bad.

251. - Ten seconds!

252. - Candy?

253. - Okay.

254. Yes, yes, it is candy, candy.

255. What kind of candy?

256. - Fudge?

257. - Yes, fudge.

258. What kind of fudge?

259. - Fudge balls!

260. - Yeah. Woo-hoo.

261. Yeah!

262. Yeah, Principal Franklin!

263. Yeah, yeah, yeah!

264. Okay, that's all

265. for this iCarly.

266. - Special thanks to our

267. very own Principal Franklin

268. for being here.

269. - Thank you, guys,

270. and happy birthday again, Emily.

271. - Oh, and remember...

272. - ... no fudge balls were harmed

273. during this web show.

274. - Yeah, they were.

275. - Oh, right, a man sat on them.

276. - Uh-huh.

277. - Well, bye!

278. - Arreevo.

279. - And we are clear.

280. - Woo-hoo.

281. Sam, Sam!

282. Are you ready for this?

283. - Sure, tell me.

284. The last iCarly

285. broke our record

286. for most viewers ever.

287. - SAM: 900,000 people watched?

288. Yes, ma'am.

289. - What?

290. That's insane.

291. Principal Franklin!

292. - Guess what?

293. - Yes?

294. - The last iCarly

295. you did with us...

296. - It was our

297. most popular one ever.

298. - Ever.

299. - Oh, that's—that's wonderful.

300. - What's the matter?

301. - What's wrong?

302. - My boss,

303. Superintendent Goreman,

304. it wasn't so popular with him.

305. I've been fired.

306. What? Why?

307. - Dude, we gotta

308. stop doin' that.

309. - Why would he fire you?

310. - He said

311. it's unbecoming of a Principal

312. to emerge from gigantic pants

313. and to willingly sit

314. on fudge balls.

315. - But it was just for fun.

316. - You were hilarious.

317. - Thanks, but he disagrees.

318. - Oh, yes, sir.

319. - Indeed.

320. - You guys be good, all right?

321. - C'mon.

322. Hey, Superintendent Goreman.

323. - What do you want?

324. - Whoa, deep voice.

325. Can I feel your Adam's apple?

326. - Sam.

327. - What are you—?

328. Just stop that.

329. - Careful, Superintendent.

330. - She's dangerous.

331. - You didn't need to fire

332. Principal Franklin.

333. - He rocks at his job.

334. - I don't need children

335. telling me my business.

336. - You need someone.

337. - Easy.

338. - Now get to class, Puckett.

339. - Yeah, you too, Benson.

340. - Were we talkin' to you two?

341. - Young lady, you will speak

342. to your Principals

343. in a respectful tone.

344. - What?

345. - Them?

346. - Ms. Briggs and Mr. Howard

347. are your new co-principals.

348. - Now get to class.

349. - Yeah.

350. - Does the cafeteria

351. have chicken tots?

352. - Yes, sir.

353. - Indeed.

354. - Take me to them.

355. - The two meanest teachers

356. in school

357. are our new co-principals.

358. Sam?

359. - I need to hit something.

360. - Okay, okay.

361. Just uhh, just hit my backpack.

362. - You sure?

363. - Yeah, I got four text books

364. and two sets

365. of gym clothes in here, do it.

366. Aah, aah.

367. - Uh.

368. - Ugh, I can't believe

369. school actually got worse.

370. - Shh.

371. - Be quiet.

372. - I don't wanna be quiet,

373. I hate these clothes!

374. Wearin' blue and khaki

375. makes me feel like a nub.

376. No offense to you

377. and the other nubs of the world.

378. - You better not criticize

379. the dress code out loud.

380. - Why, it's not like

381. they're gonna hear me?

382. And how come we gotta—

383. - MS. Sam Puckett,

384. to the Principal's Office.

385. - Huh? Why?

386. - MS.I heard you.

387. - Y'know, Carly,

388. being Freddie Benson,

389. I think Ms. Briggs

390. and Mr. Howard are doing

391. a great job as our new

392. co-principals.

393. I'm so scared.

394. - Hi, guys.

395. - Hey, Gibby.

396. - How's it goin'?

397. - Bad.

398. Mr. Howard

399. just gave me detention.

400. - For what?

401. - For being too "Gibby".

402. - How can you be "too Gibby"?

403. - That's what I said.

404. But, you know,

405. not everybody gets me.

406. - MR.

407. Oh, I get you, Gibby.

408. I get you like a rash.

409. The question is:

410. how do I get rid of you?

411. - Baby powder?

412. - That's double detention.

413. - But baby powder

414. gets rid of rashes.

415. - Triple detention.

416. - Volcano!

417. - Don't you think you were

418. a little too hard on him?

419. - What makes you say that?

420. - Well, he is vomiting.

421. - You, wipe that look

422. off your face.

423. - This isn't a look.

424. It's just my face.

425. - Well, you should

426. get your money back.

427. - Okay, we've gotta get

428. Principal Franklin his job back.

429. - Shhh! Don't say that.

430. - Carly Shay.

431. - Ohhhh.

432. - MS.

433. To the Principal's Office.

434. - Coming.

435. I'm so scared.

436. - Freddie's got ya.

437. - Hey, you're Bucky?

438. - I know that.

439. - Well, I really appreciate

440. you comin' over.

441. Y'know you're the only guy

442. in Seattle

443. that teaches bull riding?

444. - Where can I spit?

445. - Spit?

446. Uh—well, there's a trash can

447. over there in the kitchen.

448. I'll go— or you could do that.

449. So this is your bull machine.

450. - Yeah,

451. you know how to ride it?

452. - Boy, I've ridden real bulls

453. that would make this thing

454. look like a fat lady's purse.

455. - I see.

456. - Real bulls that kick

457. and spit and buck

458. and try to stomp your chest

459. 'til you ribs are broke

460. and you're coughin' up

461. blood and mucus.

462. - I just wanna learn

463. to ride this.

464. - Wow, that is so disgusting.

465. - If you wanna learn

466. how to ride a bull,

467. then you gotta learn

468. to think like a bull.

469. - Well, my dad always said

470. I was bull-headed.

471. You would hate my dad.

472. - Get down

473. on your hands and knees.

474. - I'm sorry?

475. - Get down.

476. - 'kay.

477. - Now when I climb on ya,

478. I want you to try

479. to throw me off.

480. - Climb? oh no, I don't think

481. this is a good idea.

482. - You wanna learn to ride

483. that tin can of a bull

484. or don't ya?

485. - I'm not sure anymore!

486. - Try to throw me off.

487. - Okay.

488. - Yeehaw!

489. C'mon boy,

490. you can do better than that.

491. - I dunno.

492. This is so new to me.

493. Yeehaw!

494. - Aah.

495. - Okay, everybody settle down.

496. Listen up, please.

497. - Quiet!

498. - Okay.

499. We all know why we're here.

500. We've gotta find a way

501. to get Principal Franklin

502. his job back.

503. Shawn?

504. - If I come up with a plan

505. that helps us achieve

506. this goal...

507. - Yeah?

508. - Would you consider

509. being my girlfriend?

510. - If you come up with a plan

511. that completely smoothes out

512. the Middle East, I'm not going

513. to be your girlfriend.

514. - All right,

515. we called Principal Franklin

516. and he should be here

517. any second.

518. So when he gets here,

519. I want you guys—

520. - You wanna buy a donut?

521. - No, we're having a meeting.

522. - Why'd you stick the donuts

523. on that way?

524. - What are you sayin'?

525. - Well, they're donuts.

526. They have a hole

527. right in the middle.

528. - But you put the stick

529. through the sides.

530. - Man, this is embarrassing.

531. - He's here!

532. - So what's this about?

533. - We want

534. Briggs and Howard out.

535. - Yeah!

536. - And we want you back

537. as our Principal.

538. - Yeah!

539. - Would you be my girlfriend

540. for just one hour

541. to prove to my mom—

542. - Shawn!

543. - Look kids, I'm flattered

544. that you all miss me,

545. but Superintendent Goreman

546. made it very clear.

547. - I know, but he's gonna be

548. at school tomorrow—

549. - And we're trying to come up

550. with some kinda plan—

551. - Guys, I'm not interested

552. in playing games.

553. Anyway, Goreman's

554. not the kind of man

555. who changes his mind.

556. - You wanna buy a donut?

557. I fixed 'em.

558. - No, thanks,

559. but could you point me

560. toward a restroom?

561. - Over there.

562. - Hey, I got a plan

563. that might work.

564. - So? He doesn't want us

565. to do anything, so what's the

566. point?

567. - I dunno,

568. maybe we can talk him in

569. to tryin' somethin'

570. when he comes back out.

571. - He didn't seem too into it.

572. - Hey, T-Bo!

573. Large smoothie, Blueberry Blitz.

574. - B Blitz.

575. - Oh, hey.

576. - Why are you here?

577. I thought you had

578. a bull riding lesson.

579. - I did and my teacher

580. put his butt on me.

581. I don't ever

582. wanna think about him

583. or that stupid bull ever again.

584. Augh, that thing is just a big,

585. vicious torture machine.

586. - Interesting.

587. - Would you agree to be

588. digitally photographed with me?

589. - No, Shawn!

590. - They're right behind me.

591. - Get under the desk.

592. - Okay.

593. - You?

594. What are you doing

595. in that chair?

596. - We'll deal with her later?

597. Where's the shirtless boy?

598. - He's in the closet.

599. - Gibby.

600. - Gibby, come out.

601. - Come out here. Gibby!

602. - MS. Gibby.

603. - MR. Where are you?

604. - MS.You can't hide.

605. - Gibby!

606. - MR. Let us out!

607. - MR.Open this door!

608. Unlock this door, now!

609. - Push like a man!

610. Ooooh.

611. - MR. This is not funny.

612. Both of you are in big trouble.

613. - Attention, attention.

614. The meatballs are in the sauce.

615. - Ooh, that sounds good.

616. - Shh.

617. - The meatballs

618. are in the sauce.

619. The meatballs are in the sauce.

620. - He just got out of his car.

621. - Let's do it!

622. He's here!

623. - Hey, hey!

624. What's going on here?

625. You, you there.

626. - Blow it!

627. - GUY #1: Game's on! Yeah!

628. - GUY #2: Let's go, bulldogs!

629. - GUY #1: Yeah, get 'em up.

630. - GUY #2: Let's do it, go!

631. Turn it off!

632. Stop this thing!

633. Turn it off!

634. - Stop this thing!

635. - What's happening?

636. - Oh, my God.

637. - Stop this thing.

638. Turn it off.

639. - This is how you run

640. a high school?

641. - No, sir.

642. - Absolutely not.

643. - Control these students.

644. - Everybody, settle down.

645. - [indistinct cheering, talking]

646. - Everybody calm down right now!

647. I am very disappointed

648. in you kids.

649. - We just wanted to show

650. Superintendent Goreman

651. that you were

652. a better Principal—

653. - I told you

654. I didn't wanna play games.

655. Now all of you, get to class,

656. right now.

657. - Not you three.

658. - Why are you here, anyway?

659. - I came to pick up

660. my last check,

661. if it's all right with you.

662. If you'll excuse me.

663. - Ted, why don't you stay?

664. Please.

665. - Harold, remember

666. last night, the casserole.

667. - Please,

668. my wife finally thinks I'm not a

669. loser.

670. - Well you are. You too.

671. Now both of you, get going

672. while you still have your

673. teaching jobs.

674. - Better hurry along.

675. - Go.

676. - You'll stay?

677. - Sure.

678. - Arriba!

679. - Welcome back.

680. - Okay, you have no idea how

681. psyched we are that you're back.

682. - You're in big trouble, Carly,

683. and so are you two.

684. I was very clear yesterday

685. when I told you all—

686. - Hey, hey, hey, hey.

687. What, what?

688. - He's gone.

689. - I love you guys.

690. - Yeah. Yeah. Wooo.

691. Yay, yay, uh-huh.

692. Yeah! Yeah! Woo-hoo!

693. - Hi, Carly, hi, Sam.

694. It's Julie — here.

695. I made you guys a beat,

696. so I hope you like it.

697. Mmm!