iCarly 3x16

1. Sam, what are you doing?

2. Watching the news.

3. You're supposed to be upstairs with us rehearsing for iCarly.

4. Why aren't you wearing your 8os costume?

5. Why aren't you more appealing?

6. Let's go.

7. Wait, just lemme watch this next story.

8. I think it's about bigfoot.

9. No one cares... bigfoot?

10. Why are you all interested in...?

11. Shhhhh!

12. On the northern outskirts of mount bakeratational forest,

13. two hikers saw something that, at first,

14. they thought was a large bear.

15. It's bigfoot.

16. I know it's bigfoot.

17. Shhh!

18. You were the only one talking.

19. Shhhhh!

20. Now, before you dismiss this sighting as another bigfoot hoax,

21. take a look at this footage shot by one of the hikers

22. with his mobile phone.

23. There.

24. See that?

25. Bigfoot.

26. Could it just been a guy in a costume.

27. Maybe you're just a guy in a costume.

28. Actually, I am.

29. Hush.

30. So, was it a hoax?

31. No.

32. Or was it bigfoot?

33. Yes.

34. Discussion over.

35. Take that, Mrs. Guntrell.

36. Our fifth grade teacher?

37. Yeah, don't you remember?

38. We all had to write a report about a rare creature?

39. Oh, yeah.

40. I wrote mine about that tall pygmy that dated my mom.

41. Tall pygmy?

42. They're very rare.

43. Well, I wrote my report on bigfoot and I worked

44. really hard on it.

45. And then Mrs. Guntrell was all, "bigfoot isn't real,

46. so you get an 'f'."

47. I'd like to give her an "f".

48. Aah, Ahh.

49. Hey, you guys.

50. Wow, that's a pretty sexy dance there.

51. It's not a dance.

52. I went swimming at Socko's today and I got water in my ear.

53. Uh, what up with the 8os garb?

54. These are costumes for an iCarly bit we were rehearsing.

55. Till carly saw a bigfoot story on the news and went all

56. weee-ooo-wooo-dee-wooo-wooo.

57. You saw the bigfoot video on the news.

58. People fake chiz like that all the time.

59. Ah, is this about the "f"

60. you got from Mrs. Guntrell?

61. Maybe.

62. Kid, there's no such thing as bigfoot.

63. Bop.

64. Oh, but there is such a thing as the beavecoon?

65. Yes, there sure is.

66. What's a beavecoon?

67. A creature that lives in Spencer's diseased imagination.

68. I saw one with my own eyes.

69. Don't tell the story.

70. I was in the eight grade.

71. Ohhh.

72. My body was just starting to change... Ohhh coach berferd took

73. our whole class on a field trip to the peckinpah trail.

74. And just as dusk fell, I saw it.

75. What?

76. A beavecoon, a creature about yay wide and yay long.

77. Yay?

78. It had the head of a beaver and the body of a raccoon.

79. The beavecoon.

80. Yes, and it looked at me and went... There's no such thing

81. as a beavecoon.

82. Is to.

83. There's no such thing as bigfoot.

84. Then there's no such thing as tall pygmies.

85. You wanna see the videos of my mom and gwooji?

86. Not at all.

87. No way.

88. Are we gonna rehearse this or what?

89. hey.

90. Man, how long should a crock pot take to cook gumbo?

91. How would I know?

92. Well, check it on your pear phone.

93. There's no crock pot app.

94. Man, everybody's talking about bigfoot because of that video

95. on the news.

96. I know.

97. During my last class, the... hey, hey.

98. What?

99. Will you guys tell Shawn that bigfoot does exist?

100. Will you guys tell Gibby that bigfoot is a myth?

101. Well, myth doesn't ne... told ya.

102. There's no such thing as a bigfoot.

103. You watch your mouth.

104. What?

105. Or I will watch it for you.

106. For me?

107. Bigfoot does exist.

108. This is just like the last time with unicorns.

109. There's no bigfoot.

110. Guys, don't fight about it.

111. Ah, let 'em fight.

112. The only fun part about this whole bigfoot debate

113. is watching people scream at each other.

114. People screaming at each other isn't fun.

115. Yeah, it is.

116. Watch this.

117. Isn't that miss Briggs' bullhorn?

118. It was before I took it.

119. Attention, attention, people.

120. Okay, everybody who thinks bigfoot is real, say "yeah."

121. Yeah.

122. Okay, now everyone who thinks bigfoot is fake, say "yeah."

123. Yeah.

124. Okay, about half and half.

125. That means half of you are stupid, discuss.

126. Stupid.

127. Hey, you guys, guess what.

128. What's up?

129. Why is everyone fighting?

130. The bigfoot debate.

131. Oh, good.

132. Gimme that.

133. Hey, I wanna speak to everyone.

134. You guys.

135. Everyone.

136. Listen.

137. If you wanna know the truth about bigfoot,

138. watch iCarly tomorrow night because Sam and I

139. will be interviewing doctor Sydney Van Gurbin.

140. Who's that?

141. We don't know who that is.

142. He is a scientist who's been researching bigfoot

143. for the last 10 years.

144. He even wrote this book:

145. Bigfoot true or real?

146. Bigfoot.

147. So watch iCarly.

148. How'd you get that guy to come on iCarly?

149. I just e-mailed him and he wrote back saying he'd do it.

150. We're really gonna talk about bigfoot on iCarly?

151. Sure, why not?

152. You don't think we'd kinda be jumpin' the shark

153. a little bit with that?

154. No.

155. Lots of people are really curious about... hey, hey, hey, hey.

156. Get to class.

157. Go.

158. Scurry.

159. Scoot.

160. Come on, let's go.

161. So you took my bullhorn.

162. No.

163. No, no, no.

164. See Sam was the one... come with me.

165. Loud.

166. And finally, a hearty layer of Mozzarella...

167. There's no such thing as too much cheese.

168. Eeee.

169. Oh, the cheese.

170. Oh.

171. Raining cheese deliciousness.

172. And there.

173. That's how you make... Gibby Parmesan.

174. Yay.

175. Gibby.

176. Now, that's Italian.

177. Ugh.

178. Augh.

179. Okay, this past week, all over America... Especially here

180. in Seattle... ... People have been talking about one thing...

181. Or as bigfoot's called in Mexico... So now we're gonna

182. bring out a scientist who's possibly the world's

183. number one expert on bigfoot.

184. Sit down there.

185. So, thanks for being here, doctor Van Gurbin.

186. Well, thank you for having me on.

187. No prob.

188. I know that lots of people think bigfoot is a myth,

189. but that's just because they haven't read my new book:

190. True or real?

191. Right.

192. So, what'd you think about the recent

193. bigfoot sighting by those hikers in mount Baker national forest?

194. Do you think it was real?

195. Oh, I do.

196. In fact, two years ago I predicted that bigfoot would be spotted

197. in that very location, anbecause bigfoot usually

198. comes out of hibernation during this time of the year.

199. You weren't popular as a kid, were you?

200. No.

201. Sam.

202. So when's the first time you... Spencer?

203. Uh... sorry, Spencer just walked in for some reason.

204. Hi, sorry to interrupt.

205. Not sorry enough to not do it.

206. Ha.

207. Anyway, doctor Van Gurbin, a question, if I may.

208. Uh, sure.

209. What do you know about the beavecoon?

210. Oh, my God.

211. Dude.

212. >. Surely you've heard of it.

213. It has the head of a beaver and the body of a raccoon?

214. Is this person supposed to be here?

215. He's my brother.

216. Oh.

217. Well, I'm sorry, but I am not familiar with a beavecoon.

218. But you're not denying that it exists.

219. And now, Sam and I will sing a little song called

220. "Spencer's leaving."

221. that song's lame.

222. Sorry about the intrusion.

223. Back to bigfoot.

224. Right.

225. So over the next few days, I'll be camping out

226. in the northern outskirts of mount Baker national forest.

227. To get some hard evidence on bigfoot?

228. Hahat's the dream.

229. And you can read about that dream in my new book:

230. True or real?

231. If you see an animal that looks like this, please contact...

232. Aw, man.

233. Spencer.

234. Don't zoom in on it.

235. Ha, listen to this.

236. Since 2005, at least 56 people claim to have seen bigfoot

237. in or around the northern areas of mount Baker national forest.

238. Sure, 56 freaks and liars.

239. No, it says one was a girl scout and one was a rabbi.

240. So a lying little girl and a freaky rabbi.

241. I once met a freaky rabbi in Vegas.

242. Hey, can I have this root beer?

243. Wait, I think that's our last one.

244. It is, thanks.

245. Ah.

246. Look, it says right here:

247. Two graduate students from the university of Fresno

248. recorded video of a female beaver and a male raccoon

249. "socializing" by a River.

250. Ulch, this is diet.

251. Have you guys ever watched this show:

252. Celebrities underwater?

253. Oh, check this out.

254. In the past year, tourists have reported

255. nearly a dozen sightings of bigfoot in the wooded area

256. behind a well-known hot dog stand called Robin's weiners.

257. I've heard of that place.

258. The food channel did a whole thing about Robin's weiners

259. on American meats.

260. Here, click on the link.

261. Man, how can David schwimmer hold his breath this long?

262. Wait, he's not moving.

263. > A-ha.

264. In the 1800s, a cherokee Indian was bitten

265. by an animal he described as having "head of beaver"

266. and "rump of raccoon."

267. He's still not moving.

268. Ryan seacrest said, "best hot dog I ever had."

269. So?

270. Ryan seacrest is never wrong.

271. I guess there's never gonna be a friends reunion.

272. Okay, look.

273. I wanna prove that bigfoot exists.

274. You wanna find a beavecoon, and Sam wants to go

275. to Robin's weiners.

276. I do.

277. And?

278. Doesn't Socko have an R.V.?

279. You mean a recreational vehicle?

280. Yes.

281. He does.

282. So borrow it, and let's go up to mount Baker national forest.

283. You wanna?

284. Yeah, c'mon.

285. Robin's weiners.

286. Let's do it.

287. Road trip.

288. I'm in.

289. Yeah.

290. Wow.

291. Oo.

292. Yes.

293. Yeah.

294. Awesome hot dog.

295. Mm-hmm.

296. Oh, yeah.

297. Honking for Robin's weiners.

298. Robin's weiners.

299. Wow.

300. Oh, there's the exit.

301. Mount Baker national forest.

302. Right there, go, go.

303. I see it.

304. Oh, water in my ear.

305. Careful, careful.

306. Open your eyes.

307. Yeah.

308. And welcome to mount Baker national forest.

309. Wow.

310. Wow.

311. Yay, let's go find bigfoot.

312. And a beavecoon.

313. Bigfoot is our priority.

314. Nyeeehhh.

315. I'll set up the equipment.

316. Sam.

317. Sam?

318. Aw, she fell asleep while eating one of Robin's weiners.

319. Sam, wake up.

320. Wow, it's nice out here.

321. Ah, I still got water in my ear.

322. Aa-aah.

323. Quit spazzing out.

324. You're gonna scare bigfoot away.

325. I don't think a seven-foot beast man is gonna be afraid

326. of a 160-pound spazzy artist.

327. Okay, I'm gonna go set these up in a tree.

328. What are those?

329. Motion-activated night-vision wireless cameras.

330. Ahhhhh?

331. See, I set these up in a tall tree, and when they pick up motion,

332. they turn on and transmit an audio-video signal,

333. scanning a radius of up to 10 yards.

334. Ow, it hurts.

335. What?

336. The sound of him talking.

337. Look Sam, I'm not just gonna stand here... just go set up

338. your tree cameras.

339. Okay.

340. All right.

341. There's a big tree.

342. I'm gonna go rig up my rope trap.

343. Wait, wait.

344. You're gonna try to trap bigfoot?

345. No, but there might be wild pigs or deer in these woods.

346. I'm gonna trap a snack.

347. Here.

348. I need you to stick this in my head.

349. Why'd you bring this?

350. 'Cause I read online that you can use them to get water out

351. of a person's ear.

352. Try it.

353. You want me to use a Turkey baster to suck water out of your ear?

354. Yeah, come on.

355. Put it in there.

356. Squeeze the thing on the end.

357. I kw what to squeeze.

358. Aha, it tickles my brain.

359. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

360. Hey.

361. What, what happened?

362. I was up in a tree and I heard rustling,

363. and someone or some thing was in... you think

364. it could've been bigfoot...?

365. Or beavecoon?

366. Is that a Turkey baster?

367. Shh, listen.

368. Rustling.

369. Anybody see anything?

370. There.

371. Aaah.

372. Aw, it's just two guys.

373. And they're not even cute.

374. Bummer.

375. Hey.

376. How are you guys?

377. What are you guys doing here?

378. Looking for bigfoot.

379. Duh.

380. You see anything yet?

381. Perhaps a creature, yay wide, yay long, head of a beaver,

382. body of a raccoon, sounds like...?

383. Aah.

384. Jeez.

385. Look, if you guys wanna find bigfoot, go look somewhere else.

386. This is our spot.

387. You can't make us leave.

388. Whoa, bigfoot.

389. Where?

390. Where?

391. Aah.

392. Hey, did you just...?

393. Aah, Jeff I'm in trouble.

394. I really think you guys should go look

395. for bigfoot somewhere else.

396. I totally agree.

397. Aah.

398. Excelle.

399. Yes, it's a fine weinery.

400. So any signs of bigfoot?

401. Not yet.

402. Me either, but I know he's out here.

403. Just like I wrote about in my new book: Bigfoot...

404. We know about the book.

405. Well, happy searching.

406. He's an interesting man.

407. Yeah, I never knew a hot dog place could be called a weinery.

408. I know.

409. Interasante.

410. My tree cameras, come on.

411. There.

412. I see something moving.

413. Awww, it's those idiot boys.

414. Look, tree cameras.

415. Let's take 'em.

416. Oh, no no, no, no, no.

417. Don't.

418. Awww, I got those for Christmas.

419. You see anything?

420. Just trees, and some bushes and two squirrels wrestling.

421. Carly?

422. Hmm?

423. They're not wrestling.

424. Oh.

425. Sam's still asleep.

426. Yup, probably dreaming about prancing through a field of hot dogs

427. and fried chicken legs.

428. Hey, you guys.

429. What are you wearing?

430. Camo.

431. I'm going out into the wilderness to find me a beavecoon.

432. You mind wearing a special camera on your helmet?

433. Well, I guess not.

434. All right, cool.

435. So I'll just take this and just put that down there.

436. Careful.

437. Ah, come on, man up.

438. All right, so we angle that down a little bit... ow.

439. And then we stick this in your ear.

440. Okay.

441. All right.

442. Got it.

443. And now, we'll be able to see whatever you see.

444. Did you see those squirrels?

445. Don't talk about it.

446. Ah.

447. Here beavecoons.

448. Come to Spencer, ya lil freaks a'nature.

449. Tell him to look for bigfoot.

450. Spencer.

451. Aah, aah, aah, aah, aah.

452. Oh, hi.

453. Carly says, you should look for bigfoot.

454. What was that?

455. My rope trap.

456. Hello?

457. Who's there?

458. Beavecoon?

459. Hey, aah, aah, oh God.

460. Ah, gah.

461. Get it off.

462. Get it off of me.

463. Ah, stop.

464. Stop.

465. Get off.

466. What are you?

467. Where are you?

468. What's happening?

469. Be careful.

470. Are his feet big?

471. Did we get bigfoot?

472. Not unless bigfoot has a zipper running down his back.

473. Hah.

474. Eh.

475. Hey.

476. Doctor Van Gurbin?

477. Well, this is a scooby-doo moment.

478. I'm so sorry.

479. I... see my book wasn't selling well, and my dad always told me

480. I'd be a failure.

481. Your dad was right.

482. So you dressed up like bigfoot just to create hype?

483. Yes, so people would buy my new Bigfoot I had that coming.

484. Ahhhh.

485. Guys.

486. What's wrong, Spencer?

487. What happened?

488. What is it?

489. I saw bigfoot and I ran away 'cause I didn't wanna be alone

490. in the woods all by myself with bigfoot.

491. Aah.

492. Wait, you saw bigfoot in the woods?

493. Ye-aah.

494. Oh, get your camera.

495. Right.

496. You remember where you saw him?

497. Uh-huh.

498. Can you take us there?

499. Nuh-uhhh!

500. Yes.

501. Nuh-uhhh!

502. Ready.

503. Guys, we gotta go.

504. Come on, Spencer.

505. See anything?

506. Hey, is this where you saw bigfoot?

507. Where'd Spencer go?

508. Duh, he climbed up that tree.

509. Spencer, what are you doing at the top of that tree?

510. I'm very scared.

511. Come down from there.

512. Nahh.

513. I'll get him.

514. If bigfoot was here, looks like he left.

515. Well, we're not giving up.

516. We're gonna stay here until... owwww!

517. What happened?

518. I got him out of the tree.

519. By throwing a rock at me.

520. At least the fall made the water come out of my ear,

521. and some blood.

522. Wait, shh, listen.

523. What's that?

524. It sounded like the R.V.

525. You mean, our recreational vehicle?

526. Yes.

527. Who would've started our R. V.?

528. Come on.

529. Move it, move it.

530. Let's get out.

531. Ahh.

532. Move it.

533. Come on, guys.

534. Ahhhh!

535. Where's the R.V.?

536. It's gone.

537. Look, what else is gone.

538. Doctor Van Gurbin.

539. That chunk a'chiz stole our R. V.

540. Well, let's call the cops.

541. Yeah. I don't... Our cell phones are in the R.V.

542. Well, how are we gonna get... hey.

543. Look, we got bigfoot.

544. Right here, baby.

545. Ugh, you guys are so stupid.

546. Why are these...?

547. Pull his head off.

548. Hey.

549. You're still trying to fool people?

550. I'm a sick person.

551. So, there's no real bigfoot?

552. Yeah, there is.

553. I just got into a fracas with him in the woods 10 minutes ago.

554. Okay, wait.

555. If doctor Van Gurbin didn't steal our R. V., then who did?

556. It's all right.

557. Come on people, let's not be idiots here.

558. I mean, we're really gonna stand around

559. thinking bigfoot stole our R.V.?