iCarly 3x14

Directed by Steve Hoefer

Noah Munck as Gibby Gibson • Deena Dill as Charlotte Gibson • Nikki Hahn as Kindergartener • Shauntay Hinton as Jessica Warner • Jeff Lorch as Leslie

Carly and her pals try to help a former pop star make a comeback video, but the task proves challenging when they realize the ex-star is all washed up. Elsewhere, Spencer is surprised to learn the new woman he's been dating is Gibby's mother.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. What are we gonna do?

2. Oh, man, I don't know.

3. Let post fix it.

4. Miranda.

5. Miranda.

6. Oh, God.

7. Sneezed, tissue.

8. I got it, I got it.

9. Thanks.

10. It's always a pleasure.

11. Everything, ready?

12. Yeah, we got the video cued on the studio set.

13. Cool.

14. Bring Jerry, okay?

15. You got it.

16. Bring Jerry to set.

17. Miranda, I have Dan Schneider on the phone for you.

18. He says it's really important.

19. Take a message.

20. Hey, Dan, yeah, she's busy.

21. Hey, Miranda, cucumber or brick?

22. Brick.

23. We're going with the brick.

24. Miranda likes the brick.

25. Hey, I have Jerry.

26. What's goin' on?

27. Just sit.

28. Uh—did I do something wrong?

29. 'Cause I really need this job.

30. Look Jerry, I— you know I love playing Spencer.

31. I know.

32. I just need to talk to you about something.

33. Yeah, I also really need the money.

34. I just leased a new car and my dog has a thyroid condition

35. that's really expensive to treat.

36. I'm not firing you.

37. Whew.

38. Thanks.

39. You just gotta start working a little harder in rehearsal.

40. What do you mean?

41. You've been messing up too much.

42. I have— no, I haven't.

43. Haven't you?

44. Well... maybe you need to take a look at this.

45. Take a look at what?

46. What is going on?

47. I was just in the bathroom and— shh.

48. Um, but almost definitely sour cream.

49. Hold, uh—sour milk.

50. I didn't say they were hot.

51. Dan, you didn't say—dyoods.

52. I know you guys are mad, I won't let you go to the fight

53. but, sorry, I don't know what line to say.

54. Why are you drinking ketchup?

55. My magic meatball told me to.

56. And the rescue of the horklops from the planet Jooveron!

57. I'm gonna use the word flawless.

58. Proton missiles set to — what's the line?

59. What was that crash?

60. We're fine.

61. The elevator just fell nine stories to the... To the what?

62. The basement.

63. It's in the basement.

64. Can you show me where that is?

65. It's on the stairs.

66. I'll take those.

67. That's a really old video game from like the last century.

68. One of the most pop— I don't know what to say anymore.

69. But, I have a got a wagon full of dog parts

70. and a big bag of dog hair... Hold.

71. I got a wagon full of dog parts apparently.

72. Talk's cheap chot—toder?

73. That's not his name.

74. Why?

75. Sorry.

76. Oh, my God.

77. I told you, I have a boyfriend.

78. Is he served with soft chee— what?

79. Go back to one.

80. I don't know what I'm doing.

81. I'm sorry.

82. I just— can I have a minute?

83. Don't be embarrassed.

84. Just roll the main titles, please?

85. I know—the world will change.

86. Just roll it, please, come on.

87. okay, okay.

88. I'm not the only actor on iCarly that sometimes messes up

89. their lines.

90. Here, let me see this.

91. Oh, don't, don't touch my mouse.

92. No, I'm— don't touch it.

93. You're a dirty person.

94. I'm not a dirty person.

95. Okay, fine, do it.

96. Ah-ha!

97. Nathan bloopers.

98. Let's take a look at this.

99. Mr. blanton picked up Sam on—ha-mad-ooven.

100. He's just—he's just pernoding.

101. That's what he's doing.

102. And the cheerleaders, let's meet the fear leader.

103. Well, I thought you might wanna snack,

104. so I took some raisin bread, put a little butter

105. and toast on it.

106. Then, I put a little butter on toast on it, then cinnamoned it.

107. just hurry up and— yeah.

108. Don't— what?

109. I don't even know.

110. That's okay.

111. You look good in a tux.

112. Thank you.

113. You're coming with us to the groovy smoothie

114. to interview all the guys who entered your little... come on,

115. can you really bring— in the— I am so confused.

116. You guys think I'm funny?

117. Hello.

118. Yes. Puberty.

119. All righty ... 'Cause if you're dating Shane,

120. that'll make Carly want a boyfriend, and then I— oh, shh, shh.

121. Here, he comes.

122. Go, leave.

123. Why are you blocking your face, I didn't pull it out yet.

124. Okay, guys, look, well no— are you okay?

125. Yes, I'm just fine.

126. Hook up my tid cable from the ugc port on left— all right.

127. So, this is really where you guys do iCarly from?

128. Yeah, right upstairs.

129. I live across right— do you?

130. I don't bluff.

131. Okay, I was bluffing when I said, I don't bluff.

132. But I'm serious about quitting.

133. All right.

134. That was it!

135. Ha-ha.

136. See that?

137. Nathan's made a lot of mistakes himself, so I'm not the only one

138. who wastes time while we're filming.

139. So we clearly have a problem with the iCarly boys.

140. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

141. What?

142. Look at that one, fifth one down, see?

143. Jennette bloopers.

144. This meeting is about you.

145. Click on the jennette thing.

146. Come on, just click on it.

147. I will come over there— okay.

148. Uh—the boy doesn't make the decision— whoa, I'm sorry.

149. Gibby turns me down.

150. Like I'm not good enough for that shirtless potato!

151. Shoot.

152. We used some footage from a recent— yeah.

153. Why does he have two bullet holes in his eyes?

154. Those are his eyes.

155. That was not right.

156. My mom just had laser eye surgery this morning and—

157. no, it was this afternoon.

158. I'm sorry, wasn't this morning, it was 12.

159. Get out!

160. Don't you lie to mamma.

161. I'm sorry.

162. Shoulda put it on my tray in the first place.

163. You don't wanna know where I— I'm Carly.

164. I am not Carly.

165. I thought you— well, since my mom doesn't fig— what?

166. Back to one.

167. Since my mom doesn't fig— doctors can't fix?

168. I'm sorry.

169. Somebody barked behind us— it's not my fault.

170. Waiting around for people makes me crave— what?

171. Makes me crave?

172. Why do I not rock?

173. Look at me, I'm rock— I'm rocking right now.

174. I'm walkin'.

175. Look.

176. I know I'm not a perfect actor.

177. Yeah.

178. But you know as well as I do, when you're making a tv show,

179. sometimes things just don't happen the way they're supposed to.

180. That's probably what's in this clip package.

181. See?

182. Things that didn't happen the way they were supposed to.

183. Mm-hmm.

184. Should I click it?

185. I think you have to.

186. Take that.

187. Take that, telescope manufacturers.

188. Ahh.

189. Cut it!

190. Back to one.

191. Open the door!

192. Hello, the remote's gone again.

193. That's—yeah-oh, we lost it.

194. It's out of there.

195. 5... 4— my bad.

196. Yeah.

197. What?

198. Oh, no.

199. Our tv.

200. Watch the tv swing out...

201. Come on!

202. I'm here.

203. This ostrich thinks I'm a lady.

204. Whoa.

205. Hold.

206. Said hold too late.

207. Aah.

208. Oh, my gosh.

209. Oh, my gosh.

210. I'm fine.

211. Uh-oh.

212. Oh, my God.

213. Thank you.

214. Yeah, anyway, on behalf of Briarwood— this is for you.

215. What is this— you know it is so lonely in the afternoons

216. without Freddie.

217. I'm sorry.

218. Cut.

219. This stuff was still in my mouth, dude.

220. It's all over the place.

221. What's the matter with you?

222. Uh-oh— oh, dude.

223. Why?

224. So, should we look at more clips?

225. Sure.

226. Right after this commercial break!

227. The camera's behind you.

228. Right after this commercial break.

229. We are back.

230. The camera's behind you.

231. We are back.

232. So, we were talking about recipes?

233. No, we were talking about the fact that you've been screwing up

234. a lot on the show.

235. Well, maybe I've been messing up 'cause I'm physically wrecked.

236. Wrecked?

237. Yeah, 'cause of all the stunts I do on the show.

238. You don't do that many stunts.

239. Do so?

240. Click on that.

241. Click on what?

242. Fourth from the bottom.

243. I'm clicking it.

244. Click.

245. Come down from there before you hurt yourself.

246. No worries, I got my legs wrapped around this pipe.

247. Aah!

248. Ooh!

249. I'll get it.

250. Augh.

251. Hey, you guys.

252. I was wondering— aah.

253. Ooh.

254. Oo-aah!

255. Fire!

256. Aah!

257. Woo, hoo, hoo, hoo.

258. Whoo.

259. If you need me, I'll be at the gym.

260. Ha!

261. A-haa.

262. Stop, stop.

263. Got it.

264. Hurry back.

265. I know.

266. You know, when I was a kid, I wanted to build one like this.

267. But dad always said there were— aah!

268. Aah, ooh.

269. Will you turn that down a little?

270. Aah!

271. Oh-ho.

272. Aah-ha-ha-ha.

273. Aah.

274. See all the stunts I do?

275. S we all do stunts.

276. Prove it.

277. What button?

278. The green one.

279. I'm pressing the green one and nothing's happening.

280. Aah!

281. Time for a confetti surprise.

282. Hit it.

283. Aah!

284. Move.

285. Ah, ow.

286. Move ahead.

287. Ye-aah.

288. Windmills... Aah!

289. Can you toss me an apple?

290. Red or green?

291. Red 'cause green apple always— oh.

292. Whoo.

293. Oww.

294. Hit the floor.

295. Aah.

296. Yea-aah.

297. Nooo.

298. You girls call me when you learn to be a little more— aah.

299. Bad bear.

300. Aah.

301. Aah.

302. Gibby, wait.

303. Aah.

304. It's shelby.

305. Ah, I'm not here.

306. How are we gonna get— aah!

307. Aah!

308. Carly, don't let go!

309. Why on earth would I let go?

310. See, Spencer isn't the only character on iCarly

311. that does stunts.

312. Yeah, anyway, you know what really wastes time on set.

313. What?

314. Everyone acting all silly, and being goofy, and laughing

315. and just being unprofessional.

316. I think you're exaggerating.

317. No.

318. Here, let's watch this clip labeled... Dan sent me some direction

319. via text message.

320. Let me clear this message here:

321. I will act better.

322. I want to squeeze your cheeks.

323. What if I... Okay, let's be serious.

324. Nathan.

325. Yeah, I'm good.

326. Thanks, Dan.

327. Easy, Nathan.

328. While we're waiting, Miranda's learning her lines.

329. Cut.

330. Are we already rolling?

331. Oh, we are— she's learning 'em as we're rolling?

332. Okay.

333. can I have the first line once?

334. Okay, you can— no, I wanna— no, do it.

335. Whee. Who are you?

336. Look, I shouldn't just blame you and jennette and Nathan

337. for messing up on the show.

338. Yeah, there's that Gibby guy and what's his name?

339. Nevel and Lewbert?

340. And other guest stars.

341. Yeah, click that package.

342. Okay.

343. Aww, your song's over?

344. Do another one.

345. Oh my God, she was caught in my pipes.

346. Aw, your song's over— be quiet, gabby— Gibby.

347. Sorry.

348. You shouldn't—aah!

349. I'm sorry.

350. She kicked me.

351. She started talking to people.

352. I'm sorry.

353. I always watch, because I've been worried about your posture.

354. Don't tell my mother.

355. Hey, what's up?

356. Hey— I don't believe I know you.

357. Where's Josh?

358. Where's mom and dad?

359. Have you changed your— the locator chip.

360. As soon as Freddie was old enough to toddle,

361. I had a locator chip put in his head.

362. If Spencer tries to be lazy, throw coffee in his face

363. to perk him up.

364. No, sorry.

365. Really?

366. He said that, coffee?

367. Throw water in his face to perk him up.

368. Well, she was— yeah, I know.

369. I wasn't feeling it either.

370. Going over there.

371. I gotta hit the loo.

372. Oh.

373. Check out what it says every fourth word.

374. Happy birthday.

375. Oh, man.

376. Got it.

377. This is a mockery, eat popcorn!

378. Oh, no, don't eat popcorn.

379. Wow.

380. Wow.

381. Yeah.

382. I guess almost everyone on iCarly messes up their lines.

383. Almost?

384. Yeah, almost.

385. Meaning, not you?

386. I come to work very prepared.

387. Oh, do you?

388. Yeah, I do.

389. Give me this!

390. No, no.

391. I'm taking it.

392. Yeah!

393. I got it.

394. Let's take a look at some of your screwups.

395. No.

396. Yo, yes.

397. And so to the question, can we drink

398. and eat spaghetti and meatballs?

399. We're gonna find out.

400. Drink and eat?

401. Oh, where's she?

402. What?

403. What?

404. I know who she is.

405. This is Jeffrey.

406. The guy whose father is— this is Jeffrey, the guy who father—

407. and he made our puppet persona sniff his face.

408. What?

409. I can't say that line.

410. That's a revelant.

411. A revelant?

412. A reveblant.

413. The word is— if I'm going to the dance with Gibby, then...

414. I'm not going to dance with Gibby.

415. All right.

416. His last words were, "why miles, why?"

417. His name is Oliver.

418. Now, say hello.

419. Now, please enjoy it.

420. Unless you guys wanna drive up to yakima— day after Friday.

421. Sorry.

422. Come on, we gotta get out of here— I had to get rid of her

423. by telling her we needed some imaginary doodles.

424. Sorry, that's not right.

425. I heard a— coming from the sink.

426. Maybe it's—sorry.

427. Which causes this camera to snap a picture of the thief,

428. so I'll know that... I can't get it out of my bag, I'm sorry.

429. Yeah, well, you shouldn't complain.

430. Right after gym—it's history.

431. Yeah, but you should complain.

432. Right after history, I had gym.

433. You know what coach— made us do?

434. That's so weird of her— whoa, the foffy cup.

435. The foffy?

436. That was not the word, I'm sorry.

437. Let me guess.

438. Carly is a coward.

439. Car—mly is lame.

440. Carly is—Carmly— sorry.

441. I forgot my name.

442. Why are we in trouble— guys, never mind.

443. Wait, I don't say that.

444. Do I?

445. Yeah, you do.

446. Oh, so the only two people left in the game now

447. are Sam and my best friend.

448. My best friend.

449. Sorry.

450. I think I'm your best friend.

451. Well, I wrote my report on bigfoot and I worked

452. really hard on it, and then Mrs. Cantrell was all,

453. "bigfoot isn't real?

454. So you get an "a," an f.

455. Why would I get an "a,"

456. then I'm like— hmm.

457. It seems little miss perfect is flawed.

458. Huh.

459. I'm—so ashamed.

460. Ah, don't be.

461. I mean, really, who cares if we mess up?

462. That's right.

463. And you know what we have the most fun doing?

464. Would it be...

465. Hula, hula, hula, hula ho, hula, hula, hula, hula.

466. The important thing is that we have fun making iCarly.