iCarly 3x14

Directed by Steve Hoefer

Noah Munck as Gibby Gibson • Deena Dill as Charlotte Gibson • Nikki Hahn as Kindergartener • Shauntay Hinton as Jessica Warner • Jeff Lorch as Leslie

Carly and her pals try to help a former pop star make a comeback video, but the task proves challenging when they realize the ex-star is all washed up. Elsewhere, Spencer is surprised to learn the new woman he's been dating is Gibby's mother.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - What are we gonna do?

2. - Oh, man, I don't know.

3. Let post fix it.

4. - Miranda.

5. - Miranda.

6. - Oh, God.

7. - Sneezed, tissue.

8. - I got it, I got it.

9. - Thanks.

10. - It's always a pleasure.

11. - Everything ready?

12. - Yeah. We got the video cued

13. on the studio set.

14. - Cool. Bring Jerry, okay?

15. - You got it.

16. Bring Jerry to set.

17. - Miranda, I have Dan Schneider

18. on the phone for you. He says

19. it's really important.

20. - Take a message.

21. - Hey, Dan, yeah, she's busy.

22. - Hey, Miranda,

23. cucumber or brick?

24. - Brick.

25. - We're going with the brick.

26. Miranda likes the brick.

27. - Hey, I have Jerry.

28. - What's goin' on?

29. - Just sit.

30. - Uh... Did I do something wrong?

31. 'Cause I really need this job.

32. - Look, Jerry, I—

33. - You know I love

34. playing Spencer.

35. - I know. I just need to talk to

36. you about something.

37. - Yeah, I also really

38. need the money. I just leased a

39. new car

40. and my dog has

41. a thyroid condition

42. that's really expensive

43. to treat.

44. - I'm not firing you.

45. - Whew. Thanks.

46. - You just gotta start working

47. a little harder in rehearsal.

48. - What do you mean?

49. - You've been

50. messing up too much.

51. - I have—No, I haven't.

52. - Haven't you?

53. - Well...

54. - Maybe you need

55. to take a look at this.

56. - Take a look at what?

57. What is going on?

58. I was just in the bathroom

59. and—

60. - Shh.

61. - Um, but almost

62. definitely sour cream.

63. Hold, uh—sour milk.

64. - I didn't say they were hot.

65. - Dan, you didn't say—dyoods.

66. - I know you guys are mad I

67. wouldn't let you go to the fight

68. but...

69. Sorry, I don't know

70. what line to say.

71. Why are you drinking Ketchup?

72. - My magic meatball told me to.

73. And the rescue

74. of the horklops

75. from the planet Jooveron!

76. - That—!

77. - I'm gonna use

78. the word "flawless."

79. Proton missiles set to—

80. What's the line?

81. - What was that crash?

82. - We're fine.

83. The elevator just fell

84. nine stories to the...

85. - To the what?

86. - The basement.

87. It's in the basement.

88. - Can you show me

89. where that is?

90. - It's on the stairs.

91. - I'll take those.

92. - That's a really

93. old video game

94. from like the last century.

95. One of the most pop—

96. I don't know

97. what to say anymore.

98. But, I have a got a wagon

99. full of dog parts

100. and a big bag of dog hair...

101. Hold.

102. - I got a wagon

103. full of dog parts apparently.

104. Talk's cheap chot—toder?

105. - That's not his name.

106. - Why?

107. - Sorry.

108. - I told you,

109. I have a boyfriend.

110. - Is he served with soft chee—

111. What?

112. Go back to one.

113. I don't know what I'm doing.

114. I'm sorry. I just—

115. Can I have a minute?

116. - Don't be embarrassed.

117. - Just roll the main titles,

118. please?

119. Just roll it, please, come on.

120. In five, four,

121. three, two...

122. Okay, okay.

123. I am not the only actor

124. on iCarly

125. that sometimes messes up

126. their lines.

127. Here, let me see this.

128. - Oh, don't,

129. don't touch my mouse.

130. - No, I'm—

131. Don't touch it.

132. You're a dirty person.

133. - I'm not a dirty person.

134. - Okay, fine, do it.

135. - Ah-ha!

136. Nathan bloopers!

137. Let's take a look at this.

138. - Mr. Blanton picked up

139. Sam on—ha-mad-ooven.

140. He's just—he's just pernoding.

141. That's what he's doing.

142. And the cheerleaders,

143. let's meet the fear leader.

144. - Well, I thought

145. you might wanna snack,

146. so I took some raisin bread,

147. put a little butter

148. and toast on it.

149. Then, I put a little butter

150. on toast on it,

151. then cinnamoned it.

152. - Just hurry up and—Yeah.

153. - What?

154. - I don't even know.

155. - That's okay.

156. You look good in a tux.

157. - Thank you.

158. You're coming with us

159. to The Groovy Smoothie to

160. interview all the guys who

161. entered your little...

162. - Come on,

163. can you really bring—

164. - In the—

165. I am so confused.

166. You guys think I'm funny?

167. Hello.

168. Puberty. All righty.

169. 'Cause if you're dating Shane,

170. that'll make Carly want

171. a boyfriend, and then I—

172. - Oh, shh, shh.

173. Here, he comes. Go, leave.

174. Why are you blocking your face,

175. I didn't pull it out yet.

176. - Okay, guys, look, well, no—

177. - Are you okay?

178. - Yes, I'm just fine.

179. Hook up my TID cable

180. from the UGC port on left—

181. All right.

182. - So, this is really

183. where you guys do iCarly from?

184. - Yeah, right upstairs.

185. I live across right—

186. Do you?

187. - I don't bluff.

188. Okay, I was bluffing

189. when I said I don't bluff.

190. But I'm serious about quitting.

191. All right.

192. - That was it!

193. - Ha-ha. See that?

194. Nathan's made

195. a lot of mistakes himself,

196. so I'm not the only one who

197. wastes time while we're filming.

198. - So we clearly have a problem

199. with the iCarly boys.

200. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

201. whoa, whoa, whoa.

202. - What?

203. - Look at that one,

204. fifth one down, see?

205. Jennette bloopers.

206. - This meeting is about you.

207. - Click on the Jennette thing.

208. Come on, just click on it.

209. I will come over there—

210. - Okay.

211. - Uh— the boy

212. doesn't make the dechis—ah.

213. Whoa, I'm sorry.

214. Gibby turns me down.

215. Like I'm not good enough

216. for that shirtless potato!

217. - Shoot.

218. We used some footage

219. from a recent—re—ree—

220. - Yeah.

221. - Why does he have

222. two bullet holes in his eyes?

223. - Those are his eyes.

224. - That was not right.

225. My mom just had laser

226. eye surgery this morning and—

227. No, it was this afternoon.

228. I'm sorry, wasn't this morning,

229. it was 12.

230. Get out!

231. Don't you lie to mamma.

232. I'm sorry.

233. - Shoulda put it on my tray

234. in the first place.

235. - You don't wanna know

236. where I—

237. I'm Carly. I am not Carly.

238. I—

239. I thought you came first!

240. Well, since my mom

241. doesn't fig—

242. What?

243. Back to one.

244. - Since my mom doesn't fig—

245. Doctors can't fix?

246. I'm sorry.

247. Somebody barked behind us—

248. It's not my fault.

249. Waiting around for people

250. makes me crake—

251. What? "Makes me crake"?

252. Why do I not rock?

253. Look at me, I'm rock—

254. I'm rocking right now.

255. I'm walkin'.

256. - Look.

257. I know I'm not a perfect actor.

258. - Yeah.

259. - But you know as well as I do,

260. when you're making a TV show,

261. sometimes things

262. just don't happen

263. the way they're supposed to.

264. - That's probably what's

265. in this clip package. See?

266. "Things that didn't happen

267. the way they were supposed to."

268. Mm-hmm.

269. - Should I click it?

270. - I think you have to.

271. Take that.

272. Take that,

273. telescope manufacturers.

274. - Ahh!

275. Cut it!

276. Back to one.

277. - Open the door!

278. - Hello, the remote's

279. gone again.

280. That's—Yeah-oh,

281. We lost it.

282. It's out of there.

283. Five... four—

284. - My bad.

285. - Yeah.

286. What?

287. Oh, no.

288. - Our TV.

289. - Watch the TV swing out...

290. - Come on!

291. - I'm here.

292. - This ostrich thinks

293. I'm a lady.

294. Whoa.

295. Hold.

296. - Said "hold" too late.

297. Aah!

298. Oh, my gosh.

299. - I'm fine.

300. - Uh-oh.

301. - Oh, my God.

302. - Thank you.

303. - Yeah, anyway,

304. on behalf of Briarwood—

305. this is for you.

306. - What is this—

307. - You know it is so lonely

308. in the afternoons

309. without Freddie.

310. - I'm sorry.

311. Cut.

312. This stuff was still

313. in my mouth, dude.

314. It's all over the place.

315. - What's the matter with you?

316. - Uh-oh—

317. Oh, dude. Why?

318. So, should we look

319. at more clips?

320. - Sure.

321. Right after this

322. commercial break!

323. - The camera's behind you.

324. - Right after this

325. commercial break.

326. - We are back.

327. - The camera's behind you.

328. - We are back.

329. So, we were talking

330. about recipes?

331. - No, we were talking

332. about the fact

333. that you've been screwing up

334. a lot on the show.

335. - Well, maybe I've been

336. messing up

337. 'cause I'm physically wrecked.

338. - Wrecked?

339. - Yeah, 'cause of all

340. the stunts I do on the show.

341. - You don't do

342. that many stunts.

343. - Do so. Click on that.

344. Click on what?

345. Fourth from the bottom.

346. - I'm clicking it.

347. - Click.

348. - Come down from there

349. before you hurt yourself.

350. No worries, I got my

351. legs wrapped around this pipe.

352. Aah! Ooh!

353. I'll get it.

354. Augh!

355. Hey, you guys.

356. I was wondering—Aah. Ooh.

357. Fire!

358. - Aah!

359. Woo, hoo, hoo, hoo.

360. Whoo.

361. If you need me,

362. I'll be at the gym.

363. Ha!

364. A-haa!

365. Stop, stop!

366. Got it!

367. - Hurry back.

368. - Will do.

369. I know.

370. You know, when I was a kid,

371. I wanted to build

372. one like this.

373. But dad always said

374. there were—

375. Aah!

376. Aah, ooh.

377. Will you turn that down

378. a little?

379. Oh-ho!

380. Aah-ha-ha-ha!

381. - I found it.

382. See all the stunts I do?

383. - So? We all do stunts.

384. - Prove it.

385. - What button?

386. - The green one.

387. - I'm pressing the green one

388. and nothing's happen—

389. - Time for a confetti surprise.

390. - Hit it.

391. - Aah!

392. - Move.

393. - Ah, ow.

394. - Move ahead.

395. - Ye-aah.

396. - Windmills...

397. - Aah!

398. - Can you toss me an apple?

399. - Red or green?

400. - Red 'cause green apple

401. always—

402. Ow.

403. - Whoo.

404. Oww!

405. - Hit the floor.

406. No!

407. - You girls call me

408. when you learn to be

409. a little more—

410. Aah!

411. - Bad bear.

412. - Aah.

413. Aah.

414. - Gibby.

415. - Wait.

416. - It's Shelby.

417. I'm not here!

418. How are we gonna get—

419. - Carly, don't let go!

420. - Why on Earth would I let go?

421. See? Spencer isn't

422. the only character on iCarly

423. that does stunts.

424. - Yeah, anyway, you know

425. what really wastes time on set?

426. - What?

427. - Everyone acting all silly,

428. and being goofy,

429. and laughing

430. and just being unprofessional.

431. - I think you're exaggerating.

432. - No.

433. Here, let's watch

434. this clip labeled...

435. - Dan sent me some direction

436. via text message.

437. Let me clear this message here.

438. I will act better.

439. - I want to squeeze

440. your cheeks.

441. What if I...

442. - Okay, let's be serious.

443. Nathan.

444. Yeah, I'm good.

445. Thanks, Dan.

446. Easy, Nathan.

447. - Oh, we're waiting—

448. Miranda's learning her lines?

449. Cut.

450. - Are we already rolling?

451. Oh, we are—

452. She's learning 'em

453. as we're rolling? Okay.

454. - Can I have

455. the first line once?

456. - Okay, you can—

457. - No, I wanna—

458. - No, do it.

459. - Whee. Who are you?

460. - Look, I shouldn't just blame

461. you and Jennette and Nathan

462. for messing up on the show.

463. - Yeah, there's that Gibby guy

464. and what's his name?

465. Nevel and Lewbert?

466. - And other guest stars.

467. - Yeah, click that package.

468. - Okay.

469. - Aww, your song's over?

470. - Do another one.

471. - Oh my God,

472. she was caught in my pipes.

473. - Aw, your song's over—

474. - Be quiet, Gabby—Gibby.

475. Sorry.

476. - You shouldn't—

477. - I'm sorry.

478. - She kicked me.

479. She started talking to people.

480. - I'm sorry.

481. - I always watch, because I've

482. been worried about your posture.

483. - Don't tell my mother.

484. - Hey, what's up?

485. - Hey, who is she?

486. - I don't believe I know you.

487. - Where's Josh?

488. Where's mom and dad?

489. - Have you changed your—

490. - The locator chip.

491. As soon as Freddie

492. was old enough to toddle,

493. I had a locator chip

494. put in his head.

495. - "If Spencer tries to be lazy,

496. throw coffee in his face

497. to perk him up."

498. No, sorry.

499. - Really?

500. She said that, coffee?

501. - "Throw water in his face

502. to perk him up."

503. Well, she was—

504. - Yeah, I know.

505. I wasn't feeling it either.

506. - Going over there.

507. I gotta hit the loo.

508. Oh.

509. Check out what it says

510. every fourth word.

511. - Happy birthday.

512. Oh, man. Got it.

513. - This is a mockery,

514. eat popcorn!

515. Oh, no, don't eat popcorn.

516. - Wow.

517. - Wow.

518. - Yeah.

519. - I guess almost

520. everyone on iCarly

521. messes up their lines.

522. - Almost?

523. - Yeah, almost.

524. - Meaning, not you?

525. - I come to work very prepared.

526. - Oh, do you?

527. - Yeah, I do.

528. Give me this!

529. - No, no.

530. I'm taking it.

531. Get off me!

532. - No!

533. Let's take a look

534. at some of your screw ups.

535. - No!

536. - Yo, yes.

537. - And so to the question,

538. can we drink and eat

539. spaghetti and meatballs?

540. - We're gonna find out.

541. - Drink and eat?

542. Where's she?

543. What?

544. - What?

545. I know where she is.

546. - This is Jeffrey,

547. the guy whose father is—

548. This is Jeffrey,

549. the guy who father—

550. And he made our puppet persona

551. sniff his face.

552. What?

553. I can't say that line.

554. That's a revelant.

555. - A revelant?

556. - A reveblant.

557. The word is "irrelevant."

558. - If I'm going to the dance

559. with Gibby, then...

560. I'm not going to dance

561. with Gibby.

562. His last words were:

563. "Why, Miles, why?".

564. - His name is Oliver.

565. - Now, say "hello".

566. Now, please enjoy it.

567. Unless you guys wanna drive up

568. to Yakima—

569. —day after Friday.

570. Sorry.

571. Come on, we gotta get out of

572. here, if miff—cah—

573. I had to get rid of her

574. by telling her

575. we needed

576. some imaginary doodles.

577. Sorry, that's not right.

578. I heard a pink

579. coming from the sink.

580. Maybe it's—Sorry.

581. - Which causes this camera

582. to snap a picture of the thief,

583. so I'll know that...

584. - I can't get it out of my bag,

585. I'm sorry.

586. Yeah, well,

587. you shouldn't complain.

588. Right after gym—It's history.

589. Yeah, well,

590. you shouldn't complain.

591. Right after history, I had gym.

592. You know what coach Ms. Natalie

593. made us do?

594. That's so weird of her—

595. Whoa, defaulty cup.

596. Defaulty?

597. - That's not a word,

598. Sorry.

599. Let me guess.

600. Carly is a coward,

601. Car—mly is lame.

602. Carly is—Carmly—Sorry.

603. I forgot my name.

604. Why are we in trouble—

605. Guys, nevermind.

606. Wait, I don't say that. Do I?

607. Yeah, you do.

608. - Oh.

609. So the only two people

610. left in the game now

611. are Sam and my best friend.

612. My best friend? Sorry.

613. - I think I'm your best friend.

614. - Well, I wrote my report

615. on Bigfoot

616. and I worked

617. really hard on it,

618. and then Mrs. Cantrell was all:

619. "Bigfoot isn't real?

620. So you get an 'A', an 'F'".

621. Why would I get an "A",

622. then I'm like—

623. - Hmm. It seems little

624. Miss Perfect is flawed.

625. Huh.

626. - I'm—I'm so ashamed.

627. - Ah, don't be.

628. I mean, really,

629. who cares if we mess up?

630. - That's right.

631. The important thing is that

632. we have fun making iCarly.

633. - And you know what

634. we have the most fun doing?

635. - Would it be...

636. - Hula, hula, hula, hula

637. ho, hula, hula, hula, hula.

638. - Quit it, feet!

639. - Sam!

640. - Just let me eat the chicken.

641. - No, you need to go

642. to iCarly.com.

643. - After I eat the chicken?

644. - No.

645. You should be

646. in iCarly.com, right now.

647. - Why? Is there an awesome

648. new video on iCarly.com?

649. - Yeah.

650. - Is there a new blog

651. on iCarly.com?

652. - Yeah, and pics

653. and other cool stuff.

654. - All at iCarly.com?

655. - All at iCarly.com.

656. - Come on,

657. let's eat the chicken.

658. - No.

659. - Bummer.

660. Mmm!