iCarly 3x13

1. - Bad, bad tuna!

2. Bad, bad tuna!

3. Bad!

4. - And that's the proper way

5. to spank a tuna fish.

6. Okay, and now to prove

7. iCarly can be educational.

8. - Let's bring out

9. 4 kindergarteners who live here

10. in Carly's building.

11. Yeah.

12. Woo, hi.

13. - Hello, children.

14. It's time to learn

15. about our nation's monuments.

16. - So, let's take a look at...

17. The Statue of Gibberty.

18. Whoa!

19. - Baa!

20. - Now, how about a hand

21. for those little kids

22. we just emotionally scarred.

23. - Whoo!

24. - Yeah.

25. - So proud of myself.

26. Okay, that's about it

27. for this iCarly.

28. - Except...

29. - Oh, yeah.

30. - Do you guys remember

31. Wade Collins?

32. - That obnoxious hob-knocker

33. from America Sings?

34. - One might call him

35. hob-noxious.

36. - Oh, Carly.

37. - Anyway, you guys remember

38. that music video

39. Freddie directed for him?

40. - Tell our fans

41. the big news, Fredenstein.

42. - According to PearTunes,

43. the Wade Collins

44. music video we made

45. is the number three

46. most downloaded video

47. of the year.

48. - And that deserves

49. one of these.

50. - We still hate that guy.

51. - He be hobbin' and knockin'.

52. - But we're very proud

53. of Freddie for directing

54. and editing the video.

55. - Carly and Sam helped a lot.

56. There's no way

57. I coulda gotten it all done.

58. - Stop, please.

59. Hey, quit it!

60. That's not patriotic!

61. Carly, Sam!

62. I'm the Statue of Gibberty!

63. Where's the respect?

64. Aah, aah, stop.

65. - Kids.

66. They're gonna sleep

67. good tonight.

68. In five,

69. four, three, two...

70. - Whatcha watchin'?

71. - Our Wade Collins music video.

72. - Man, I can't believe that

73. thing's still in the top 20.

74. - We did a good a job

75. with that fudge bag.

76. - Hey, what's the most

77. downloaded video of all time?

78. - Um, let's see.

79. Oh, yeah, Ginger Fox:

80. Hate Me, Love Me.

81. - Mm-hmm, I love that song.

82. - Yeah, Ginger was good.

83. - Yeah, 'til her career

84. went in the toilet.

85. Remember that insane video

86. of her last year?

87. - Yeah, wait. Hang on.

88. Um, oh, here it is.

89. Ginger, what are you doing?

90. - Washing my hair.

91. That's not even shampoo,

92. that's blue cheese dressing.

93. - Oh.

94. - Get out of my bathroom!

95. - That chick's a disaster.

96. - Carly. Where's Carly?

97. - Groovy Smoothie.

98. - Ooh, text her and tell her

99. to bring me a corn dog.

100. - They don't sell corn dogs.

101. - I know,

102. she'll be so confused.

103. Anyway, so get this,

104. I was just at Hey Food

105. buying groceries,

106. and as I'm coming out,

107. I meet this woman, this like

108. totally super hot woman

109. wearing a sweater.

110. So I start

111. flirtin' her up, right?

112. - Sure.

113. - Then I say:

114. "Yo, let's go grab a donut".

115. and she goes: "M'kay",

116. so I took her

117. to that religious donut shop

118. around the corner.

119. - Holy-O's?

120. - No, Amazing Glaze.

121. Anyway, it turns out

122. she's really fun and cool

123. and single and female

124. and she's coming here

125. to have dinner with me

126. tomorrow night.

127. Oh!

128. - Nice.

129. - Tchyaaa.

130. - So where are the groceries?

131. - You left them

132. at the donut shop.

133. - No.

134. - Where ya goin'?

135. - To the donut shop.

136. - Roll over, roll over.

137. Roll over!

138. - Ginger, you need to go

139. out there and rehearse.

140. You haven't had a hit song

141. in three years.

142. - So? Neither have you.

143. - You know, there are

144. plates and spoons right there.

145. - I don't need to rehearse.

146. - Do you know how many people

147. watch the Pop Music Awards?

148. - Rabbit, sit.

149. - 15 million people.

150. You've got to be amazing to make

151. a comeback really happen.

152. - Uh, but I think

153. I'm the biggest pop star

154. like ever.

155. - Were, you were.

156. - Aaah!

157. - And you can be again,

158. if you'll please,

159. just get out there and do

160. what the director tells you.

161. - I fired the director.

162. - Just go— you what?

163. - He kept telling me

164. what to do.

165. - 'Cause he's the director.

166. - Not anymore.

167. - Look at that.

168. What, the Wade Collins

169. video? What about it?

170. - Get me the dude

171. who directed that.

172. - Look, we can't just

173. change directors

174. in the middle of—

175. - Get me the director

176. who did that video!

177. - Okay, okay.

178. - You stay!

179. - Special seasoning.

180. - Oh, all right,

181. just tell me,

182. what is wrong with you?

183. - What do you mean?

184. - You're handsome,

185. you're funny, you're smart,

186. and you can cook.

187. - Don't forget about

188. my very special socks.

189. - Wheew.

190. - Wow.

191. - You don't see that

192. on most men, do you?

193. - Can't say I do.

194. Oh.

195. Hmm, you're doing it again.

196. - What?

197. - Staring at me.

198. - I'm sorry, I didn't—

199. it's just something about you

200. looks very familiar to me.

201. You're sure

202. we've never met before?

203. - Not before yesterday, no.

204. - Huh, it's so weird

205. 'cause when I look in your face,

206. it's like I can see—

207. - Excuse me, one sec.

208. I'm comin'.

209. Oh, hey, guys.

210. - 'Sup?

211. - Carly here?

212. Nah, she and Sam

213. went to Build-A-Bra.

214. - They're always kickin' me

215. out of that place.

216. - Yeah.

217. Can Gibby and I run upstairs

218. real quick and install this?

219. - Sure, but make it fast.

220. I got a hot one in the kitchen.

221. - Ooo.

222. - No worries.

223. - Gibby?

224. - Mom?

225. - Oh, my God.

226. - Hey, there.

227. I'm home from school.

228. Wee-oop, wee-oop, wee-oop,

229. wee-oop, wee-oop.

230. - Oh, hey.

231. - Whatcha doin'?

232. - Watching TV.

233. - Well, then,

234. maybe you oughta turn it on.

235. - You're mocking my pain?

236. - What's the matter?

237. - What's—

238. I have a crush on Gibby's mom.

239. - Okay, I still don't get why

240. that's such a big problem.

241. - 'Cause when I look

242. at her now,

243. all I see is Gibby's face,

244. Gibby's eyes, Gibby's nose,

245. Gibby's lips.

246. Oh, I can't kiss Gibby lips.

247. - Okay, why don't you just—

248. —try to relax.

249. Hi.

250. - Hi, I'm Leslie Grant.

251. You're Carly Shay?

252. - Yeah. Um...?

253. - I'm Ginger Fox's manager.

254. - Ginger Fox, like,

255. the Ginger Fox?

256. - Yeah, I had

257. an appointment with you here.

258. I talked to some guy

259. named... Spencer.

260. - Oh, yeah, Ginger Fox's

261. manager called.

262. He's coming over here

263. to meet you.

264. Oh, Gibby lips.

265. - Where is she?

266. - I'm sick of waitin'

267. for this chick. Let's bail.

268. - No.

269. - We're not gonna pass up

270. a chance to work

271. with Ginger Fox.

272. She's a huge star.

273. - She was, 'til she hopped

274. on the psycho train and crashed

275. into Has-Been Island.

276. - Technically, you can't take

277. a train to an island.

278. See, they're surrounded

279. by water, so there's no—

280. - Dude.

281. - I'll shut up.

282. - Look, Ginger's manager said

283. that she's gotten some,

284. you know, mental help,

285. and now she's ready

286. to make a big comeback.

287. All dancers to stage.

288. - Hi, sorry

289. to keep you guys waiting.

290. I had some trouble

291. getting Ginger

292. out of her dressing room.

293. - Is that blood on your face?

294. - Yeah, Ginger stabbed me

295. with a fork.

296. Here we go.

297. Ginger, this is—

298. where did Ginger go?

299. - Um, she's over there,

300. using the bathroom.

301. - There's a bathroom

302. back there?

303. - No.

304. - Oh, there she is.

305. - Wow.

306. - Gross.

307. - Come, meet some friends.

308. - Who are they?

309. - These are the people

310. who made that video you liked?

311. - Hamster In My Pasta?

312. - No, the Wade Collins

313. music video.

314. - And they're gonna help you

315. do an amazing performance

316. on the PMAs.

317. - Oh, we haven't agreed

318. to that yet.

319. - Yes, we have.

320. - Um, aren't the PMAs

321. in like five days?

322. Are we gonna have enough time?

323. - It's cool.

324. The last director already had

325. a basic routine worked out.

326. Here.

327. Larry, cue the song

328. from the top.

329. You got it.

330. - Ginger, why don't you

331. and the other guys show 'em

332. what you got so far, huh?

333. - Okay.

334. - Oww!

335. - Aah!

336. - God, be careful.

337. Aah.

338. - Ginger, Ginger.

339. Kill the song.

340. - Ow. What?

341. - You're doing the wrong moves.

342. No, no, don't throw it.

343. Don't.

344. - Owww!

345. There's a fork in my shoulder.

346. - All right, who gave Ginger

347. another fork?

348. - Ugh.

349. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

350. - Ew, it's really

351. stuck in there.

352. Just move.

353. - Wait, no, no, no.

354. Sam, Sam, don't! Aah.

355. - Look, I'm really sorry

356. about that.

357. Ginger can be a little—

358. - Hey, Backstage Hollywood

359. is ready to talk to you.

360. - Good.

361. I'll be back in a sec,

362. don't leave.

363. - Can you believe

364. that six years ago

365. Buzz Magazine named her

366. "Sexiest Woman Alive"?

367. - Man, I gotta go

368. hack this up.

369. - That's pretty sexy.

370. [coughing,

371. dry-heaving]

372. - Here they are, right here.

373. - What's this about?

374. - What do you—

375. - What'd you—

376. - I'm here

377. with the iCarly crew,

378. the creative masterminds behind,

379. what could be Ginger Fox's

380. comeback performance at

381. Friday night's Pop Music Awards.

382. - No, that's wrong and—

383. - There's been a little bit

384. of a mix-up, we're not—

385. - What inspired you

386. to hire the iCarly team

387. to revive Ginger's career?

388. - Well, Ginger's a big fan

389. of iCarly.

390. So it just seemed like

391. a perfect fit.

392. - This isn't live, is it?

393. Is this live?

394. - Yes.

395. Well, I know the whole world

396. will be watching to see

397. if Ginger Fox still has

398. that superstar magic.

399. - Well, whatever happens,

400. it'll be 'cause of these guys.

401. - Señor, that's—

402. - Please listen to—

403. - I'm Jessica Warner

404. for Backstage Hollywood.

405. - If we could just have—

406. Bye, kids.

407. That's a wrap.

408. - I'm having such a nice time.

409. - Yeah, that's so good.

410. - You know, I was worried.

411. - What about?

412. - That you were never gonna

413. call me again.

414. - Oh, well, why wouldn't I?

415. - 'Cause you seemed

416. a little weirded out

417. when you found out

418. I was Gibby's mom.

419. - Oh, well, not really, no.

420. I mean, Gibby's a great kid

421. and you're his nice mom.

422. It's not a thing.

423. - Good.

424. So, isn't there something

425. you would rather do

426. than watch the movie?

427. - Aah!

428. - What's wrong?

429. - Nothing, nothing.

430. I just—

431. I saw a spider in your hair.

432. There, it's dead.

433. Maybe we should watch

434. a part of...

435. - Aah!

436. - Now, what's wrong?

437. - Gibby lips.

438. - I found her.

439. - Oh, finalmente.

440. - Finally.

441. - Oh, 'bout time.

442. - She was supposed to be here

443. four hours ago.

444. - You said 2:00.

445. - It's 6:00.

446. - Well, I didn't know

447. if you meant o'clock AM

448. or o'clock PM

449. - You're o'mazingly stupid.

450. - What did she say?

451. - I'll leave you guys to it.

452. Good luck.

453. - Calcetin.

454. - Thank you.

455. - Great.

456. - Okay, people,

457. let's rehearse this.

458. Can we get a wireless mic

459. on her, please?

460. On it.

461. - Okay, Ginger, to start,

462. we're just gonna rehearse

463. your vocals.

464. Uh, dancers, you dance.

465. - Everybody, ready?

466. Ready.

467. - Nice.

468. - Cue the track!

469. Track's up.

470. - Ginger! Ginger—

471. - Kill the track!

472. - Listen, I'm not gonna

473. be able to sing that good

474. while I'm dancing, you know.

475. - Right.

476. - Yeah, we wouldn't expect that.

477. - Excuse me. Ginger, hi.

478. Your ex-husband

479. dropped off your baby.

480. - Oh, hi, baby.

481. Hi, baby. Someone take this.

482. Spencer,

483. I know you're home, Spencer.

484. - Hi.

485. - Okay, you've ignored

486. my phone calls, my e-mails,

487. my text messages.

488. - I can't do this.

489. - Why?

490. - It's not you, it's your face.

491. - Well.

492. - You look too much

493. like your son.

494. I can't kiss a woman when all

495. I see is a bunch of Gibby.

496. - I've known Carly

497. for three years.

498. She's been over to our house,

499. I've given her rides

500. home from school.

501. So?

502. - So, you two look alike.

503. And if I can handle

504. kissing a man who looks

505. like his little sister,

506. you should be able

507. to handle kissing me,

508. even if I look like my son.

509. - Well, I can give it a try.

510. I don't see Gibby.

511. Wanna kiss again?

512. - Aah!

513. - What? What's wrong?

514. - You look like Carly.

515. - Ya-aah!

516. - Why did you scream?

517. - You look like Gibby.

518. - Aah!

519. - Aah!

520. - Aah!

521. - How could Ginger Fox

522. have seemed so awesome

523. seven years ago?

524. - She was young then.

525. Now, she's all 26 and old.

526. - And even back then,

527. it wasn't real.

528. Just editing,

529. audio voice filters.

530. - Well, in two days,

531. she has to appear live,

532. and the whole world knows

533. we're responsible

534. for her performance.

535. - She can lip-sync the song.

536. - And how does that help

537. the fact that she dances

538. like a diseased elephant?

539. Argh, I'm so mean.

540. Do you see

541. what pressure does to me?

542. It brings out my mean.

543. - All right, let's think.

544. We have a talentless woman

545. who can't sing, can't dance,

546. and looks terrible.

547. - Ooh, this thinkin's fun.

548. - Lip-syncing fixes

549. the singing issue.

550. - And I guess, hair, makeup,

551. costumes, lighting,

552. and no close-ups can

553. make her look less disgusting.

554. - Little creative choreography?

555. - I don't know.

556. - How did we get stuck

557. in all this

558. Ginger Fox chiz anyway?

559. - Oh, it's not that bad.

560. - Then you change her baby

561. this time.

562. Careful, he's a distance pee-er.

563. Up next, Ginger Fox.

564. - You guys ready to put

565. Ginger back on top?

566. - No.

567. - Not really.

568. - Huh?

569. - Ginger has zero talent.

570. - I know.

571. That's why I made this

572. your responsibility.

573. If she fails, she blames

574. you iCarly people, not me.

575. - Don't you think

576. that's kind of slimy?

577. - Uh, I'm

578. in the music business.

579. Ladies and gentlemen,

580. please welcome three-time

581. platinum selling artist

582. and two-time PMA winner:

583. Ginger Fox.

584. - Here we go.

585. - Fingers crossed.

586. - Can I get a sandwich?

587. - She looks okay,

588. from a distance.

589. - This is working.

590. - Just keep your

591. fingers crossed.

592. Go wide, camera seven.

593. - That's too much light!

594. We can see her face!

595. - More smoke.

596. - Thank you.

597. - I gotta say,

598. this isn't half bad.

599. - Except her lip-syncing

600. is pretty off.

601. It doesn't even look like

602. she's singing the right song.

603. Go wide again, camera seven.

604. - Hurry, and more smoke.

605. And where's my sandwich?

606. - Why's the audience

607. cheering her?

608. She's just marching

609. around the stage like an idiot.

610. - Did she shave under her arms?

611. I don't think she shaved

612. under her arms.

613. What girl doesn't shave

614. her underarms?

615. - Unbelievable.

616. Okay, you just saw a replay

617. of the Ginger Fox

618. live performance

619. from earlier tonight.

620. And as you can hear

621. from this crowd,

622. Ginger is a hit, yet again.

623. - Ginger Fox has no talent.

624. - She can't do anything.

625. - Maybe, it's best

626. they don't know.

627. - I feel like I kissed Gibby.

628. - Here comes Ginger Fox,

629. right now.

630. - Has anybody seen my baby?

631. His name is Brian.

632. - It's Billy.

633. - His name is Billy.

634. - Oh, Ginger.

635. - Aah! I just had a nightmare.

636. - Aah!

637. Then you better go to

638. iCarly.com.

639. - You have to get

640. my hotel room.

641. - Aah!

642. - I know!

643. - Awesome pics.

644. - Blogs.

645. - Highlights from the web show.

646. - I know,

647. I'm part of iCarly.com.

648. - You are?

649. - You're lucky!

650. - Then you should go

651. to iCarly.com.

652. - Okay, what is going on?

653. - You're having a nightmare!

654. - Still?

655. - Yeah.

656. Mmm!