iCarly 3x1

Directed by Adam Weissman

Dennis Keiffer as Prisoner #3 • Vivian Bang as Dental Hygentist • Joseph Limbaugh as Dr. Wheeler • J. Teddy Garces as Prisoner #2 • David Mattey as Prison Guard

On iCarly, Sam's tooth falls out, leading Carly to take Sam to the dentist. When the doctor gives Sam laughing gas, Sam accidentally reveals that she and Freddie shared a secret kiss with each other. Carly gets angry because friends aren't supposed to keep secrets, but in the end she is OK with it. Meanwhile, Spencer teaches an art class in a prison, he and the prisoners build a big pair of pants that two prisoners hide in and jump out in Carly's house and tape Carly Sam and Freddie to three chairs after Freddie threatens to call the Police.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Three, two...

2. Okay.

3. - Next, on iCarly...

4. - We want to show you guys

5. an awesome new product for sale.

6. - You've all seen

7. that stupid commercial

8. for that crazy blanket

9. with the sleeves, right?

10. - Well, we found something

11. even crazier and stupider.

12. - And we don't mean Freddie.

13. Right up there. Look.

14. How many

15. times has this happened to you?

16. You're just sitting

17. on your couch,

18. trying to polish

19. your bowling ball,

20. but your blanket

21. keeps flying off your body.

22. - My blanket keeps flying

23. off my body.

24. Well, forget blankets,

25. 'cause now there's...

26. The sack.

27. The sack?

28. With the sack,

29. you'll stay warm and cozy

30. while doing all the fun things

31. you enjoy, like making dinner.

32. Surfing the web.

33. Showering.

34. Even enjoying

35. hot bowls of chowder.

36. Made of a super-soft, thick,

37. luxurious fabric of some sort,

38. the sack comes in rash red,

39. mucus green,

40. pus yellow or blue.

41. Order now,

42. and you'll also get

43. this photo of a 1996 penny.

44. - Hey, nice sacks.

45. We know.

46. Order now!

47. - All right, now,

48. lately at iCarly,

49. we've been thinkin' about...

50. - See, kids don't eat

51. enough vegetables these days.

52. - So we're gonna set

53. a good example.

54. - Watch this.

55. - Ow.

56. What's wrong?

57. I don't know.

58. - Oh, my God, you lost a tooth.

59. - See what you get

60. for eatin' vegetables?

61. In five,

62. four, three, two...

63. - Ow, ow. Ah...

64. - Stop that.

65. - Come on, I'm hungry.

66. - But you just had a tooth

67. fall out.

68. - You can't be eating corn

69. on the cob.

70. - Ah, what's the big shizz?

71. It's normal for teeth

72. to fall out.

73. - Yeah, when you're five.

74. - Or ninety.

75. - How long has it been

76. since you went to a dentist?

77. - I don't know, two...

78. Twelve years.

79. - What?

80. - Years?

81. You're supposed to go

82. every six months.

83. - Yeah, I'll add that to my list

84. of things that'll never happen.

85. Ow.

86. - Hey, you guys,

87. which one of these shirts

88. do you think

89. I should wear tomorrow?

90. - To where?

91. - Prison.

92. - Prison?

93. - Oh, my God,

94. what did you download?

95. - Nothing. Yeah, nothing.

96. That's not

97. why I'm going to prison.

98. - Then why?

99. - To teach art.

100. I volunteered for this program

101. where people help prisoners

102. learn valuable skills

103. so when they get out,

104. they won't have to go back

105. to a life of crime.

106. - Sure, why would a dude rob

107. a bank when he can build a robot

108. out of soda bottles?

109. - Hey, is she eating my corn?

110. That was the last piece of corn.

111. - No, she's not.

112. But she is going

113. to see a dentist.

114. - Hey, what's on this corn,

115. barbecue sauce?

116. - Sam's blood.

117. All right, Sam,

118. just sit here and let me

119. adjust this for you.

120. - Whoa,

121. what are you doin', lady?

122. - She's just gonna have you

123. lie down.

124. - Oh.

125. Well, I do like lyin' down.

126. - And I'll just put this

127. around your neck.

128. - What, are we having ribs?

129. No.

130. See, when the dentist starts

131. drilling into your teeth—

132. - Drilling my teeth?

133. - No. No. It's okay. It's okay.

134. - I don't want to do this.

135. I don't want to do this.

136. - Help me!

137. - Hey, hey, girls,

138. girls, girls.

139. - Hi, doctor Wheeler.

140. This is my friend Sam.

141. She's a little nervous.

142. - I'm way nervous.

143. - She hasn't been

144. to a dentist since—

145. she hasn't been to a dentist.

146. - Sam, there's nothing

147. to be nervous about.

148. - There better not be.

149. - Why don't you go sit

150. in the waiting room,

151. and I'll get Sam's teeth

152. all fixed up.

153. - Okay. Stay blonde.

154. - Stay brown.

155. - What are you—?

156. - No! No!

157. - Help us!

158. - Thank you, officers.

159. I'll take it from here.

160. - You sure

161. you don't want us to stay?

162. - Nah, if I'm gonna teach these

163. guys about art,

164. I need to show them

165. that I trust them.

166. - Whatever you say.

167. If you need us, just yell.

168. - No worries.

169. Hello, gentlemen.

170. My name is Spencer,

171. and I'm gonna be

172. teaching you guys

173. about sculpting.

174. Ah!

175. - Help me! Help me!

176. - Sorry.

177. We should've warned you

178. about that guy.

179. He's always trying

180. to kill somebody.

181. - Yeah, that would've been

182. good to know.

183. - Yeah.

184. - As I was saying,

185. I'm gonna teach you guys

186. about sculpting,

187. which, of course, is art.

188. Now, I think of art as a

189. physical expression of emotion.

190. So, let's start by talking about

191. the emotions you guys

192. are feeling right now.

193. - Stabbing.

194. - Stabbing isn't really

195. an emotion.

196. It's more of an activity

197. that I hope you don't do to me.

198. See, an emotion

199. is more of a feeling.

200. - Well, maybe, I feel stabby.

201. - So, sculpting—

202. why don't we come up

203. with an idea for a sculpture

204. we can all build together?

205. - A knife.

206. - No.

207. Let's think of something big

208. and not deadly.

209. - How about

210. a big pair of pants?

211. - Okay, we all seem excited

212. about that, so great, sure.

213. Let's sculpt

214. a big pair of pants.

215. - Hey, he wants to apologize

216. for trying to kill you.

217. - All right.

218. - Listen, I'm really sorry.

219. Aah!

220. - Apology accepted!

221. - Ooh, her teeth look good.

222. - Yep.

223. I replaced the missing tooth

224. and filled three other cavities.

225. - You hear that, Sam?

226. - You're blurry,

227. pretty blurry girl.

228. Why is she giggly?

229. - We had to give her

230. some nitrous oxide

231. to calm her down.

232. - Nitrous?

233. - Laughing gas.

234. She'll be a little loopy

235. for awhile.

236. Now come on,

237. let's go check her X-rays.

238. - How ya doin'?

239. - Okay.

240. But we need to get out of here.

241. I gotta go to the dentist.

242. - We're at the dentist.

243. - Whoa.

244. That was fast.

245. Oh, man, it's gone.

246. - What's gone?

247. - My thumb.

248. It was there a second ago.

249. - Here.

250. See? Your thumb came back.

251. - Oh, yeah.

252. What's so funny?

253. - You.

254. You're acting all loopy

255. from the gas

256. the dentist gave you.

257. - Oh.

258. Hey.

259. - What?

260. - Come here. Come here.

261. What is it?

262. - I wanna tell you a secret.

263. - Okay.

264. - Come here.

265. - I'm already here.

266. What's the secret?

267. - I like fried chicken.

268. - It's not a secret

269. that you like fried chicken.

270. - I know.

271. I got scared to tell you

272. my real secret.

273. - Just tell me.

274. - Okay. Come here.

275. - I already come here-d.

276. - You know that kid, Freddie?

277. - Yes, I know Freddie.

278. - We kissed.

279. - What?

280. - Me and Freddie kissed.

281. You know...

282. - You and Freddie

283. really kissed?

284. - Shhhh!

285. Don't tell Carly.

286. - Thanks for taking me to the

287. dentist.

288. - I can't understand you

289. with all that cotton

290. in your mouth.

291. - Thanks for taking me

292. to the dentist.

293. I'm hungry.

294. - Hey, the dentist said

295. you can't eat for three hours.

296. - It's okay,

297. it'll be our little secret.

298. - Yeah,

299. not our only little secret.

300. - What do you mean?

301. - Uh, do you not remember

302. what you told me at the dentist?

303. Nah, it's all a blur—

304. just like third

305. through ninth grade.

306. - Hey, I'm home from prison.

307. - Hi.

308. - All right,

309. you people have no food.

310. I'm gonna make a run

311. to Pink Bunny.

312. You guys want yogurt?

313. - No thanks.

314. - So, how was teaching

315. sculpting to prisoners?

316. - Well, it started off

317. pretty interesting

318. when one of my students tried

319. to kill me with his bare hands.

320. - Oh, that sounds fun.

321. - Fun? what's fun about

322. a psychotic—

323. - Sam and Freddie kissed.

324. - Ah!

325. What did you just say?

326. - The dentist gave Sam

327. this loopy gas, and she was all:

328. "Me and Freddie kissed."

329. - No way. Give me the deets.

330. - I don't have any deets.

331. 'Cause after she told me,

332. she whispered:

333. "Shhh. Don't tell Carly."

334. - Why would she tell you

335. not to tell yourself?

336. - I don't know.

337. It was the gas talkin'.

338. She doesn't even remember

339. she told me.

340. So now, I know

341. this insane secret

342. that I'm not supposed to know

343. and she doesn't even know

344. that I know and why wouldn't

345. she want me to know?

346. - Hey, calm down.

347. - Never tell a girl

348. to calm down.

349. Guys always tell girls

350. to calm down and it never works.

351. It just gets us all whipped up.

352. You see me all whipped up now?

353. it's 'cause you told me

354. to calm down.

355. - You know, most guys

356. have to get married

357. to suffer this kind of abuse.

358. - Can you believe

359. Sam and Freddie kissed,

360. and they didn't tell me?

361. - Maybe they didn't.

362. - But why would Sam lie?

363. - I'm not sayin' she lied.

364. When you're on that wacky gas,

365. sometimes you don't know

366. what you're saying.

367. - Well, Sam did think

368. her thumb was missing.

369. - Was it?

370. - No.

371. - So, then Sam and Freddie

372. probably didn't kiss.

373. - Yeah.

374. Yeah.

375. - There's no way

376. Sam wouldn't tell me

377. if that really happened.

378. And there's no way

379. that would happen.

380. - All right then.

381. Now, you wanna hear

382. about my day in prison?

383. - No, I'm good.

384. - Freddie.

385. - Freddie.

386. - Freddie.

387. - Ah!

388. - Why so jumpy?

389. - 'Cause you blasted me

390. in the head

391. with pressurized air.

392. - I was here,

393. I know what happened.

394. - So, how'd Sam do

395. at the dentist?

396. - Like you'd expect.

397. - She bit him?

398. - Four times.

399. He may lose part of his finger.

400. But then,

401. the dentist gave her

402. some of that wacky gas.

403. - Nitrous oxide?

404. - Mm-hmm. And then...

405. - What?

406. - Oh, she started saying

407. some pretty weird stuff.

408. - Weird how?

409. - Like, she thought

410. her thumb was missing.

411. - Was it?

412. - No.

413. And... then...

414. She said that you two kissed.

415. - So she really thought

416. her thumb was missing?

417. That's so crazy.

418. - And she said you two kissed.

419. - I'm comin', mom.

420. - Your mom didn't call you.

421. - I heard the whistle.

422. - Is what Sam said true?

423. - No.

424. I'm sure she has both

425. her thumbs.

426. - Did you and Sam kiss?

427. Tell me!

428. No!

429. - Whoa.

430. When did you get so strong?

431. - Same time the voice

432. got lower.

433. - Did you and Sam kiss?

434. - Okay. Yes, it's true.

435. Sam and I kissed.

436. - Oh, my God.

437. - I was bummed about

438. never kissing anyone.

439. And I was out on the balcony,

440. and Sam came out,

441. and she said she'd never kissed

442. anyone either,

443. and then we ended up kissing.

444. - Oh, my God.

445. - It was just one time.

446. Except for that other time,

447. but that might have been

448. Sam's twin sister.

449. I'm still fuzzy

450. on the whole Melanie thing.

451. - You guys are my best friends.

452. How come neither one of you

453. told me?

454. - We promised each other

455. we'd never speak of it again.

456. Oh, man, I've been speaking

457. of it again.

458. - I'm calling Sam right now.

459. - No, if you tell Sam

460. I told you,

461. she'll kick me in places

462. that should never be kicked.

463. - I have to talk to her

464. about this.

465. - Then you got to get her

466. to tell you it happened.

467. - Just let me call.

468. - No, you cannot—

469. She's going to destroy me.

470. - Okay.

471. All right,

472. I'd say this sculpture

473. is just about finished.

474. Yeah.

475. - Yeah.

476. - A seven-foot tall

477. pair of pants.

478. - Yeah. Really nice.

479. - I wanna stab 'em.

480. - You know, I just wanna say

481. I'm really proud of you guys

482. 'cause instead of stealing

483. or beating or stabbing,

484. you worked as a team

485. and built this large

486. pair of pants together.

487. - Well, we owe it all

488. to you, Spence.

489. - To Spencer.

490. - To Spencer.

491. - Thank you. Cheers.

492. This punch is really good.

493. You made this yourself?

494. - Mm-hmm. In my own toilet.

495. - Now, if you'll excuse me,

496. I'm gonna go disinfect my mouth.

497. - Quick.

498. Help us get in the pants.

499. Yo, what up, kiddo?

500. - Just stuff.

501. Hey, check out the sculpture

502. my prisoners made with me.

503. - Nice.

504. But why'd you bring it home?

505. Well,

506. I was gonna leave it with them,

507. but they really wanted me

508. to have it.

509. I think they really liked me.

510. - How come you're all sweaty?

511. 'Cause I had to lug

512. this thing all the way up here.

513. Weird, it's a lot heavier

514. than I thought it would be.

515. I'm gonna go to the Armenian

516. bakery across the street.

517. - Why?

518. - For some lama-june.

519. Wanna come?

520. - What's lama-june?

521. - Some kinda food.

522. - I'll pass.

523. - Bye. Hi.

524. - Hey.

525. See you.

526. - Whatever.

527. All right, I'm here.

528. Where's the bacon-flavored

529. ice cream?

530. - There is no bacon-flavored

531. ice cream.

532. - But your text said—

533. - I made it up.

534. But I brought my big spoon.

535. How can you—

536. what up with the gigantic pants?

537. - Listen.

538. - Okay.

539. - We're best friends, right?

540. - Of course.

541. - And best friends

542. don't keep secrets

543. from each other, do they?

544. - Why, what'd you do? Is it bad?

545. Did you finally do

546. something bad?

547. Holy crab, I love this.

548. - I didn't do anything bad.

549. - Then why are you keeping it

550. a secret?

551. - I'm not the one

552. keeping secrets.

553. - All right, you can have

554. your 20 bucks back.

555. - What 20 bucks?

556. - That I took

557. out of your purse.

558. - You took... you...

559. Sam!

560. - Well, at least

561. it's not a secret anymore.

562. - That wasn't the secret

563. I was talking about.

564. - So I can keep the 20?

565. - No.

566. Why didn't you tell me

567. that you and Freddie kissed?

568. - I—

569. - Hey, can I run upstairs

570. for a second and install these—

571. - You spoke of it.

572. Leave me alone, Sam.

573. No.

574. Let me go. Let me—

575. - You swore you'd never tell

576. anyone we kissed.

577. - I didn't!

578. - You told me!

579. - I never told you anything—

580. Yeah, you did!

581. When you were all hopped up

582. on wacky gas.

583. - Oh.

584. - You know,

585. I tell you guys everything,

586. so it really makes me feel,

587. like, betrayed

588. that my two best friends

589. made out and then didn't even—

590. - No, we didn't make out.

591. - It wasn't like that.

592. - We just did it to do it,

593. you know?

594. - Well, I just think

595. that best friends

596. should be open with each other.

597. I just wish that one of you

598. would've told me

599. so I didn't have to find out

600. by...

601. Hello.

602. - Hiya.

603. - Hey.

604. - You're prisoners?

605. - Used to be.

606. - And you guys

607. were inside the pants?

608. - Mm-hmm.

609. - Well, you do realize

610. we have to call the police.

611. - Yeah, I guess.

612. But before you do that,

613. you guys got any duct tape?

614. - Why did you tell them

615. where the duct tape was?

616. - I don't know.

617. I was trying to be helpful.

618. - Yeah, you helped 'em,

619. all right.

620. - Well, it's Freddie's fault.

621. When you see prisoners escaping,

622. you don't announce

623. that you're gonna call the cops.

624. "Well, you do realize

625. we have to call the police".

626. - Man, this duct tape

627. is really strong.

628. - I hate being restricted.

629. - Don't worry.

630. Soon we'll all be free

631. and then I'll turn my back

632. and you guys can resume

633. kissing behind it.

634. - We promised no more secrets.

635. - Never again.

636. - From now on, we all tell

637. each other everything.

638. - All right?

639. - You'll tell me everything?

640. - Yeah.

641. - Swear.

642. - How long was it?

643. - What?

644. - How long did you guys kiss?

645. - I don't know.

646. - Like seven seconds?

647. - Seven, eight?

648. - Oh.

649. And was it fun?

650. - Fun?

651. Yeah.

652. I mean, did you guys,

653. you know, like it?

654. - Carly, where's my banjo?

655. - Over there by your robot but—

656. Yeah. Whew.

657. - Why do you need your banjo

658. all of a sudden?

659. - 'Cause I was just

660. across the street

661. at that Armenian bakery,

662. and I met this girl there

663. buyin' some lama-june,

664. so I start chattin' her up,

665. turns out she loves banjo music.

666. She's gonna freak.

667. - Okay.

668. We've got to get out of this.

669. On three?

670. - One...

671. - Two...

672. - Three!

673. Well, that didn't work.

674. - Sam!

675. - Just let me eat the chicken.

676. - No. You need to go

677. to iCarly.com.

678. - After I eat the chicken?

679. - No, you should be

680. - Why, is there an awesome

681. new video on iCarly.com?

682. - Yeah.

683. - Is there a new blog on

684. iCarly.com?

685. - Yeah, and pics

686. and other cool stuff.

687. - All at iCarly.com?

688. - All at iCarly.com.

689. - Come on,

690. Let's eat the chicken.

691. - No.

692. - Bummer.

693. Mmm!