iCarly 2x6

1. - Good morning.

2. - When did you get here?

3. - I spent the night.

4. - But I remember you leaving

5. before I went to bed.

6. You said, "Good night.

7. I'm going home,"

8. and then you left.

9. - Yeah, but then on my way out,

10. I tripped and fell down

11. the stairs.

12. - Oh my God. Were you hurt?

13. - Nah. I just didn't feel

14. like getting up

15. so I slept on the floor.

16. Can I borrow a clean shirt?

17. - Sure.

18. - And some pants?

19. - I guess.

20. - Underwear?

21. - Absolutely not.

22. - Hi. Could I come in?

23. I'm already in so say, "yes."

24. - Sure.

25. - What's up, Fredward?

26. - Can I ask you a question?

27. - Sure.

28. - Of course.

29. - Do you guys think I'm funny?

30. - Ah, yeah.

31. - You're funny.

32. - Why do you care

33. if you're funny?

34. I mean, I'm not saying

35. you're not funny.

36. - Yes, you are.

37. - I know, but why do you care?

38. - Well, okay.

39. My mom's cousin is going

40. to some comic book festival

41. in New Jersey

42. so she left her baby with us.

43. - Oh, right. Baby Stephanie.

44. - Yeah. She hates me.

45. - She's six months old.

46. - I know.

47. And every time she sees anyone,

48. she just giggles and laughs.

49. But you know what she does

50. when she looks at me?

51. - I know what I want to do

52. when I look at you.

53. - What does she do

54. when she looks at you?

55. - Nothing.

56. No-thing.

57. She just lies there

58. with a bored, blank expression.

59. - Like Sam in math class?

60. - Exactly.

61. I can't make that baby laugh

62. no matter what I do.

63. What's wrong with me?

64. - Don't.

65. - Hey. You guys wanna go

66. grab some breakfast?

67. - Oh, yes.

68. - Yes. Where are we going?

69. - Galini's pie shop.

70. - Pie for breakfast?

71. - No, no. Don't say,

72. "Pie for breakfast?"

73. say, "Pie for breakfast?".

74. - Okay.

75. But only 'cause it's Galini's.

76. - What's so great

77. about Galini's pie?

78. - You've never had

79. Galini's pie?

80. - What? Isn't one pie as

81. good as any other pie?

82. No.

83. What?

84. Are you insane?

85. - All right.

86. We gotta get this kid

87. a mouthful of Galini magic

88. so he'll understand.

89. Immediately.

90. Yeah, we do.

91. Wait, you're wearing pajamas.

92. - It's a pie shop, not church.

93. Come on.

94. In five, four,

95. three, two.

96. - What?

97. - We wanna watch your face

98. when you take your first bite

99. of Galini pie.

100. - We should get this on video.

101. - Yes. Let's capture the moment.

102. - You guys are insane.

103. Oh my God!

104. - Yes.

105. - Oh, yes.

106. - See, we told you.

107. - Mmm.

108. - Mmm.

109. - Oh.

110. Why can't I marry this pie?

111. All I want out of life

112. is to be "Mrs. Sam This Pie."

113. - I wanna stick my whole face

114. in a Galini pie and go—

115. - I gotta get some

116. to take home.

117. Yo, Mario.

118. - Hey, Spencer.

119. What can I get you, huh?

120. - I gotta have a couple

121. of coconut cream pies to go.

122. - I got to see

123. if we have enough.

124. - What?

125. You always have enough.

126. Why would you say

127. you might not have enough?

128. Now I'm scared. What?

129. - Well, you see,

130. Mr. Galini is in the hospital.

131. - Huh?

132. - What happened?

133. - No.

134. He's gonna be okay, right?

135. - I'm not so sure.

136. I mean, you got to remember,

137. Mr. Galini is 97 years old,

138. you know, he doesn't look

139. so good.

140. - No.

141. - That's so sad.

142. - Can I get another piece

143. of pie?

144. - Hey. Sure, sure.

145. And who knows?

146. Mr. Galini's very old

147. but he has a heart

148. like a bull, huh?

149. - A heart like a bull.

150. That's what they said

151. about Sam's great grandfather.

152. - But then he died.

153. - Of a heart attack?

154. - No, wrestling a bull.

155. - Stupid baby.

156. - Hey, easy there, Slammy.

157. What's wrong?

158. - I still can't get that baby

159. to laugh.

160. I want pie.

161. - No, no, no, no, no, no.

162. No pie.

163. - Why?

164. - We're trying to make it last

165. until Mr. Galini

166. is out of the hospital.

167. - Well—

168. - Mmm.

169. - Well, then, how come

170. Sam gets some?

171. - Sam doesn't get any—

172. Put that down!

173. - Oh, no.

174. - Put that down!

175. Put that down!

176. You put that pie down!

177. Put it down!

178. - Wait, wait, wait!

179. - Put it down. Put it down!

180. - I want a pie!

181. - Give me the pie!

182. Give me the pie!

183. - Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

184. - Give me—

185. give me the pie!

186. - Oh, no. Oh, no.

187. - Put it down.

188. Sam, give me the pie.

189. - Stop!

190. - Don't—

191. - Come on, Sam!

192. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

193. Calm down.

194. Whoa. Calm down.

195. What's going on?

196. - Sam's got the pie.

197. - No.

198. - Out of my way—

199. - Gah! Oww!

200. - She locked herself

201. in the bathroom.

202. - Well, that's it.

203. She's gonna sit down in there

204. and finish it.

205. - Ah, it's okay.

206. I called the hospital.

207. They said Mr. Galini

208. checked out yesterday.

209. - I decided to share this

210. with you, guys.

211. - You already finished it.

212. - Yeah. I decided too late.

213. - It's okay. Mr. Galini

214. checked out of the hospital.

215. - So we can get more pies.

216. - Awesome!

217. Now, I can lick this

218. and not feel guilty.

219. - Hey, Mrs. Benson.

220. Oh, look, a little baby person!

221. - Freddie, I'm taking

222. baby Stephanie out for a walk

223. in the fresh air.

224. - Oh, I don't care

225. what you do with her.

226. - Oh, look at her.

227. - She's so small

228. like a little meatloaf.

229. - Hi, baby.

230. - What's up little Stephanie?

231. - Oh look, we made her laugh.

232. - Yeah.

233. She thinks everybody

234. is hilarious but me.

235. - Here, let's test it out.

236. First, me and Carly

237. will get her laughing.

238. - And now—

239. - Aw, the baby does hate you.

240. - Hello.

241. - Oh, hey.

242. - Ciao. Bienvenuti. So, what

243. can I get you all for today?

244. - We want four slices

245. of the coconut cream pie.

246. - Oh, I'm so sorry.

247. We got no pie.

248. We got water and cherries.

249. What do you want?

250. - Wait.

251. What do you mean you got no pie?

252. - The hospital said Mr. Galini

253. checked out yesterday.

254. - Yeah. He checked out—

255. —forever.

256. - He passed away?

257. - Mm-hmm.

258. - We're so sorry.

259. Me too.

260. You know, he was

261. a very good man.

262. But to live 97 years, eh?

263. Not too bad. You know,

264. I'll never forget the time—

265. - Who's gonna make

266. the pies now?

267. - Nobody.

268. The shop is gonna close.

269. - But why don't you make

270. the pies?

271. - I don't know the recipe.

272. It's a family secret.

273. The only one who knows it is

274. Galini's granddaughter, Trudy.

275. - All right, I wanna talk

276. to this Trudy chick.

277. Where is she?

278. - That's her.

279. Oh.

280. - Go over there and use some

281. of your Spencer charm

282. to get her to keep

283. this place open.

284. - Why don't you go?

285. - Just go.

286. - Go.

287. - Do it.

288. - Come on.

289. - Come on, Spencer.

290. Come on.

291. - Go.

292. - Okay, fine.

293. I'll do it for the pie.

294. Hello, Trudy.

295. My name is Spencer Shay.

296. I come here a lot.

297. - Yeah. I recognize you.

298. - I'm so sorry about the loss

299. of your grandfather.

300. - Oh, thank you.

301. I used to rub his feet

302. with mayonnaise.

303. - Okay.

304. Listen...

305. Your grandfather was—

306. he was like a true genius.

307. I mean, his pies,

308. it would be so tragic

309. if his pies died with him,

310. don't you think?

311. - Yeah.

312. His pies were tasty.

313. - Oh, yeah.

314. So, maybe you'd consider

315. carrying on his tradition.

316. - Oh.

317. I don't think so.

318. I wanna be an actress,

319. like in movies and junk.

320. - Well, um,

321. then would you consider—

322. - Consider what?

323. - Maybe sharing the recipe

324. with me?

325. - I don't know.

326. - I'd pay you for it.

327. - I'd rather go

328. on a date with you.

329. - I'd pay you for it.

330. - You can invite me

331. over to your place,

332. make me some dinner.

333. - I can go to an ATM right now.

334. Money's not an object.

335. - I've never had

336. spaghetti tacos before.

337. - Yeah. It's something

338. I make a lot.

339. Carly and her friends love 'em.

340. - Well, so does this woman.

341. - Hey, I got an idea.

342. - Do you?

343. - Uh-huh.

344. Why don't we swap recipes?

345. I'll give you mine

346. for spaghetti tacos,

347. you give me your grandfather's

348. for coconut cream pie.

349. - Whoa, now,

350. slow your roll there, big boy.

351. What do you say we move

352. this party to the couch?

353. - The couch is broken.

354. - Well, why don't we go

355. break it some more?

356. - No. No.

357. - And my mom keeps

358. telling me over and over,

359. "Don't squeeze it!"

360. But how can I not squeeze it,

361. you know what I mean?

362. - No.

363. - Well, think of it

364. like a plastic bag

365. just filled with pudding

366. and you know—

367. - Oh, wait.

368. Trudy's probably still in there

369. with Spencer.

370. - Oh, good. Let's go in and see

371. if he got the pie recipe.

372. - No. What if he's just

373. about to get it?

374. We don't wanna go in and risk—

375. - I thought I heard you guys

376. out here.

377. - Freddie?

378. Is that you in there?

379. - Yeah, it's me.

380. - Oh my gosh, the bear

381. ate Freddie.

382. Bad bear.

383. Never do that again!

384. - You're not the boss of me.

385. - Why are you in a bear suit?

386. - I thought I could make baby

387. Stephanie laugh if I wore this.

388. - And did it work?

389. - No.

390. - Look.

391. What is this on your chest?

392. - Baby vomit.

393. - Oh— 'kay.

394. - Spencer?

395. - What's going on in there?

396. - I don't know.

397. - Come on.

398. - Hurry.

399. - I'm trying.

400. Spencer!

401. Oh, you're just a boy.

402. - I can't believe

403. you were making out with her!

404. Did you get the recipe?

405. - No, I didn't get the recipe

406. and I wasn't making out

407. with her.

408. She just grabbed me

409. and started kissing me.

410. - Don't act

411. like you didn't love it.

412. - Look, he invited you over

413. and fed you dinner,

414. so just give him the pie recipe,

415. would you?

416. - Okay, I have a confession.

417. I don't have

418. my grandfather's pie recipe.

419. He never gave it to anyone.

420. - And he never

421. wrote it down anywhere?

422. - Well, he said he put it

423. in his computer,

424. but I can never find it.

425. Anyway, I'm sorry

426. I deceived you. Goodbye.

427. - Look, I'm just sorry

428. that your grandfather—

429. - That is good stuff.

430. - Okay, Spencer.

431. I think you've scrubbed

432. all the Trudy off your mouth.

433. - I hope so.

434. Well, at least one good thing

435. came of my dinner date tonight.

436. - What?

437. - Mr. Galini's very last piece

438. of coconut cream pie.

439. - How'd you get this?

440. - Trudy brought it for me.

441. - And you're sure this is

442. the last piece in existence?

443. - A hundred percent.

444. The shop closed yesterday,

445. Trudy had the last pie,

446. and this is the last piece.

447. - Okay, who gets to go first?

448. - Well, to be most fair—

449. - Remember when that piece

450. of pie was still there?

451. - Yeah.

452. - Uh-huh.

453. - Okay, wait.

454. Maybe we haven't tasted

455. the last insanely amazing piece

456. of coconut cream pie

457. in the world.

458. - Okay. Before we go,

459. we have an urgent message

460. from all of us here at "iCarly".

461. - It's about pie.

462. - Pie.

463. - We have a pie issue.

464. - And we need your help.

465. - We're looking for the best—

466. - And we mean the best.

467. —coconut cream pie recipe

468. in the world.

469. - So we're appealing to you—

470. - The fans of "iCarly"--

471. —to send us your best recipe

472. for coconut cream pie.

473. - Ask you parents—

474. - Your grandparents—

475. —your aunt—

476. —your uncle—

477. —your aunt's uncle—

478. —your uncle's aunt—

479. —your neighborhood hobos—

480. —hobos from other

481. neighborhoods.

482. - Anyone who might have a great

483. recipe for coconut cream pie.

484. - Get it. Just get it.

485. - And send it to us

486. right here at icarly.com.

487. - Please,

488. think of the children.

489. - And we are clear.

490. - Yeah.

491. - Yeah.

492. - Mom, what are you doing here?

493. - I've been trying

494. to put Stephanie to bed

495. for three hours,

496. but she won't stop giggling.

497. Would you mind showing her

498. your face?

499. - Sure.

500. - Hi.

501. - I can't eat another pie.

502. I'll explode.

503. You'll have to hose me

504. off the walls.

505. - How many pies

506. have we tasted so far?

507. - Forty-two.

508. And none of 'em are as good

509. as Galini's.

510. - You guys, I just got off

511. the phone.

512. Whoa! You guys made

513. all the pies?

514. - And tasted every one.

515. No way.

516. Which one is the best?

517. - Number 22.

518. - Twenty-two.

519. - But it's not as good

520. as Galini's.

521. Not even close.

522. Nope.

523. - You dare call yourself a pie?

524. - There's no reason to make

525. the pie feel bad about itself.

526. - Yes, there is.

527. Anyway, I just got off the phone

528. with Trudy, and she invited us

529. to a memorial service

530. for Mr. Galini

531. down at his pie shop

532. tomorrow night.

533. - I don't wanna go.

534. - Me either.

535. - I'm too full

536. to ever go anywhere ever again.

537. - We're all going

538. to the service,

539. and you wanna know why?

540. - I don't know.

541. - 'Cause remember,

542. Trudy said Mr. Galini

543. kept his pie recipe

544. in his computer.

545. - Yeah, but she said

546. she can never find it.

547. - True, but I bet

548. we know someone who could!

549. - Yeah. If Galini put

550. that recipe in his computer,

551. I'll bet I could find it.

552. - Yes! We're going.

553. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

554. Doesn't it make us

555. kind of skeevy to go

556. to a man's memorial service

557. just so we can steal

558. his pie recipe?

559. - No.

560. No, no, no, no, no. No.

561. See, if we find his recipe,

562. then we can share it

563. with the whole world.

564. And that way,

565. Mr. Galini's genius

566. will live on forever.

567. And I gotta have

568. that pie recipe!

569. We're going.

570. - And Mr. Galini looks at me,

571. and he says to me,

572. "Mario," he says,

573. "before you get married,

574. there's something

575. I got to say to you."

576. - Where's the computer?

577. - In the back.

578. - And he say to me,

579. "Mario," he says,

580. "Your pants, the zipper's down.

581. you don't wanna get married

582. like that."

583. Now, would anyone else

584. like to say some words?

585. - Go up there and say something.

586. - Why?

587. - 'Cause it will give us

588. a chance

589. to sneak into the back room

590. and find the computer.

591. Go speak.

592. - I don't know what to say—

593. - This man has a lot to say

594. about Mr. Galini.

595. - Oh, I don't.

596. - Oh, Spencer.

597. - Really, I—

598. - Please. Please.

599. Oh, that's so nice.

600. Thank you.

601. - Friends, family,

602. lovers of pie,

603. what does it mean

604. to lose someone you're close to?

605. It means you've lost someone

606. that you're close to.

607. I once lost my goldfish.

608. His name was Swimmy.

609. I also lost Brock—

610. another goldfish.

611. - Go with Freddie.

612. I'll guard the door.

613. - Okay.

614. - Then there was Reggie,

615. a goldfish I used to have

616. before I lost him.

617. - Whoa.

618. Oh, man.

619. Look at this dinosaur.

620. - Can you figure it out?

621. - Maybe, but it's so old.

622. My phone has a faster processor

623. than this thing.

624. - Okay. Save the nerd talk

625. for your AV Club buddies

626. and just find the pie recipe.

627. - I will,

628. but it could take some time.

629. - I'll go tell Carly.

630. What I've learned

631. is that if you have—

632. - Tell Spencer he still—

633. —goldfish, feed them.

634. And if you take them for a walk,

635. leave them in the bowl.

636. Mr. Galini will be missed.

637. So that's really

638. all I have to say about— oh!

639. Mr. Galini

640. was such a special man—

641. for all of us, so cherished—

642. Yeah, my little sister, Carly,

643. would like to say a few words.

644. Carly.

645. Be strong.

646. - Thank you, Spencer,

647. for that wonderful story

648. about your many dead goldfish.

649. I've never really spoken

650. in a memorial service before,

651. so, uh...

652. let's all just sing.

653. Yeah.

654. Here's a fun song to sing

655. when people die.

656. Just jump in if you know it.

657. - Will you hurry?

658. Carly's making sad people sing.

659. - I'm going as fast as I can.

660. - Not fast enough.

661. - Sam.

662. - Just move, let me do it.

663. - No, you don't know

664. how this operates.

665. - No, just move and I'll—

666. - Sam, Sam, knock it off!

667. - Oh, I'll do it!

668. - What are you doing?

669. - Give me that—

670. - Ow. Hey!

671. - Let go of my hair.

672. Nice.

673. - What happened?

674. - Freddie went berserk and

675. pushed the computer

676. off the table.

677. - What? I did not.

678. He did.

679. - I was just sitting down

680. at the computer-

681. And you said,

682. "Hey, you need to go faster."

683. And I said, "I'm trying

684. to go as fast as I can."

685. - I wasn't doing—

686. - You guys! Guys!

687. Look what I just found

688. in Mr. Galini's computer?

689. - The pie recipes.

690. - No way!

691. - Mamma mía!

692. - I guess when Mr. Galini said

693. he put the recipes

694. in his computer, he really

695. meant "in" his computer.

696. - That crazy old fudgebag.

697. - Oh, look. Here's his recipe

698. for coconut cream pie.

699. - Pucker up, Spencer.

700. - No. She said she's gonna

701. give up her dream

702. to become an actress

703. and run the shop with Mario.

704. - Did Mario say

705. how long it'll be

706. 'til more pies are ready?

707. - Yup. We can go back any time

708. after three tomorrow.

709. - Oh, great.

710. Wake me at a quarter to pie.

711. - Hi. I brought Stephanie over

712. to say goodbye.

713. - Every time.

714. I can't believe I never

715. made this baby laugh once.

716. Wait.

717. You got any of those pies

718. left that we made yesterday?

719. - Yeah. There are, like,

720. six of 'em in the fridge.

721. Why?

722. You wanna know why?

723. Hey, Stephanie.

724. Watch this.

725. - Oh, victory! Yeah. Yeah.

726. - Hey, iCarly.

727. This is Emma.

728. I'm gonna open my fridge

729. with my shoulder blade.

730. Okay. Ready?

731. Love your show. Bye.

732. Mmm!