iCarly 2x4

Directed by Russ Reinsel

Mary Scheer as Marissa Benson • Joel McCracy as Chuleta • Matt Fleckenstein as Paramedic • Andra Fuller as Paramedic • Joel McCrary as Porkchop

Lewbert, Carly's doorman, is injured during an exploding muffin basket prank. Spencer suggests that Carly, Sam, and Freddie help him until he's back on his feet, but it is more easily said than done. When Freddie's mother takes over, she makes it look easy, but leaves the group extremely concerned. Freddie's mother and Lewbert fall in love. Meanwhile, while using a CB radio, Spencer upsets two truckers nicknamed Porkchop and Sledgehammer.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - In five, four, three, two—

2. - Hey, if you're looking at your

3. computer screen right now—

4. - And you see Carly and me—

5. —then, congratulations—

6. —you're watching

7. "iCarly" however—

8. - If you're looking into your

9. toilet bowl right now—

10. —and you see a live monkey

11. speaking Spanish—

12. —you're hallucinating.

13. Oh!

14. - Okay. Lately, we've been

15. getting some comments

16. here at iCarly.com—

17. - Saying we should use the power

18. of "iCarly"

19. to talk about

20. some serious issues.

21. - So here to discuss

22. the importance of recycling—

23. - Say hello to the tallest guy

24. who lives in Carly's

25. apartment building...

26. Dave.

27. - Woo! Yeah.

28. So, Dave.

29. Yeah?

30. - You're pretty tall.

31. That's right.

32. - And do you feel

33. that recycling is important?

34. Sure.

35. - Well, there you have it.

36. - Recycling is important.

37. - Bye, Dave.

38. - See ya!

39. Bye.

40. - He petted our heads.

41. - We love that.

42. - Okay. Next Sam and I have a

43. little surprise for you guys.

44. - It's one of the most popular

45. things we do here at "iCarly."

46. "Messin' with Lewbert".

47. - Okay, Freddie, switch to your

48. little tripod camera

49. and come tell the people

50. how it's gonna work.

51. - Switchin' to the b-cam.

52. Hey, it's me, Freddie.

53. - They don't care.

54. Just tell 'em the bit.

55. - Well, a couple of my friends

56. in the AV Club

57. figured out how to rig

58. a muffin basket

59. with a confetti cannon.

60. - 'Cause unfortunately,

61. most muffin baskets

62. usually don't come

63. with a confetti cannon.

64. - It's sad.

65. - But, lucky for us,

66. Freddie and his AV friends—

67. - I call them "dorks"--

68. —were able to figure it

69. all out.

70. - Please enjoy

71. this demonstration that I shot

72. of the muffin basket with

73. Carly's brother, Spencer.

74. Doodlee, doodlee,

75. doodlee, do.

76. Oh, look, a muffin basket.

77. What a surprise.

78. Well, I'm sure

79. there's nothing unusual

80. about these muffins,

81. so I'll just have one.

82. Oh, no!

83. I wasn't expecting that.

84. - And that's how it works.

85. - You see,

86. the confetti blast

87. is powered by a small,

88. pressurized air canister,

89. which propels—

90. - Knock-knock.

91. - Who's there?

92. - Not you.

93. - Okay. And now it's time

94. to mess with Lewbert.

95. - He's gonna be

96. so freaked out—

97. - And you get

98. to see it happen live.

99. - Ready, Freddie?

100. - Goin' live to the Lewbert cam.

101. There he is,

102. downstairs in the lobby.

103. The meanest,

104. nastiest doorman in Seattle.

105. - Cleaning his fingernails

106. with a fork.

107. - Poor fork.

108. - And now, I'll use this

109. walkie-talkie to call

110. our friend Mark who's waiting

111. right outside the lobby.

112. - Mark's a senior.

113. - Bring in the muffin basket.

114. Copy that.

115. - What?

116. Hey, who's this for?

117. Hey! Hey! Hey!

118. Fudge bag!

119. - The muffin basket

120. is in place.

121. - Muffins?

122. Well, don't mind if I do.

123. And now,

124. time for a confetti surprise!

125. - Hit it!

126. - Ah!

127. - We're gonna go make sure

128. he's okay.

129. - So, until we're back—

130. —please enjoy this video

131. of a bunny

132. eating peanut butter.

133. - Freddie, cue the bunny video.

134. - Okay.

135. In five, four,

136. three, two—

137. - Oh my God.

138. - What happened?

139. - Nothing. No one can

140. prove anything.

141. - Our muffin basket exploded.

142. - And Lewbert got knocked out.

143. - Here, move.

144. Let me see if I can get him

145. to come to.

146. Lewbert.

147. Hey, Lewbert!

148. Talk to me, Lewb.

149. Can you speak? Lewbert.

150. - Uh-oh. His wart.

151. - What about his wart?

152. - Where is it?

153. Whoa, it's gone.

154. - Oh, man.

155. We blew his wart off.

156. - How'd this happen?

157. - Well, we were filming

158. our web show and—

159. - He fell.

160. He just fell right down.

161. - Clumsy Lewbert.

162. - He fell, but what happened—

163. - This is no time for questions!

164. - Just fix him!

165. - How is he?

166. - He might have some broken

167. bones, possibly a concussion.

168. - And I'm no dentist, but I

169. think he might have gum disease.

170. - Hey, let's get him up

171. on the gurney.

172. - Big guy.

173. Whoa.

174. - Ah.

175. Wait. My wart.

176. Where's my wart?

177. - What?

178. - It's on your shoe.

179. - Oh.

180. - I want my wart!

181. - He wants his wart.

182. - Hold still. Hold still.

183. I'll get it.

184. - Oh. Here.

185. - Thanks.

186. We better get this wart on ice.

187. - Right.

188. - We'll get your shoe back as—

189. - Keep it.

190. - Right. Yeah, my brother

191. told me he talked to you.

192. Thank you so much for calling.

193. Lewbert's gonna be okay.

194. Well, not okay but at least

195. back to the way he was before.

196. - Good.

197. - Yeah.

198. We could have been

199. in so much trouble.

200. - Can you ever think

201. about anyone but yourself?

202. - I can, but I choose not to.

203. Carly, come look at this.

204. - What?

205. - It's the video

206. of the explosion.

207. - And when you go slow-motion,

208. you can totally see

209. Lewbert's wart fly

210. right off his face.

211. - Eww, that's disgusting.

212. - You wanna see it?

213. - Full screen, please.

214. Whoa. Oh.

215. Uh-oh.

216. - What up, giblets?

217. - Oh. Is that Lewbert's

218. doorman jacket?

219. - Yeah. It's cute, right?

220. - Uh.

221. - Well.

222. - See, I volunteered to cover

223. the front desk

224. while he's laid up.

225. Doctor says he's gonna

226. need to stay in bed

227. for a least a week.

228. - Oh. I feel terrible.

229. You know we didn't mean

230. to hurt him.

231. - We just wanted to scare him

232. enough to make him pee a little.

233. - Yeah. I know you

234. didn't mean to blow him up.

235. But since you did,

236. I want you guys

237. to check in on him,

238. like three or four times a day.

239. Get him anything he needs

240. 'til he's back on his feet.

241. - Helping take care of the man

242. is the least we can do.

243. - No kidding.

244. - Oh.

245. - All right.

246. I got to get going.

247. - Do you want me

248. to bring you lunch later?

249. - No. I got ribs left over

250. from last night.

251. You ate my ribs?

252. - I made the bones

253. into a necklace.

254. - Hi, Lewbert.

255. We just came down—

256. - Get out!

257. - Okay, bye.

258. - Wait.

259. We brought you some food.

260. - I don't eat nothin'

261. 'less it's dead.

262. - Okay, I guess that's better

263. than the other way around.

264. - Oh, and, um,

265. we got you these flowers.

266. - Oh, hey, what'd you spend

267. on these, $7.95?

268. Whoopty-doo!

269. - I see they reattached

270. your wart.

271. - Yeah. Well, I don't want

272. any of you touchin' it.

273. - No problem.

274. - Eww.

275. - We won't.

276. - Well, if there's nothing

277. else you need—

278. - Fluff my pillow.

279. - Oh, sure.

280. Here, let me help you sit—

281. - Ah! I can sit up.

282. Just fluff.

283. There.

284. How's that?

285. - Feed my lizard!

286. - Huh?

287. - What?

288. - My lizard.

289. Feed him some bugs.

290. - Um, where do I get the bugs?

291. - I usually just catch 'em

292. in the corner over there.

293. If you put some honey

294. in the palm of your hand,

295. they'll crawl right up on you.

296. - Where do I get the honey?

297. - Man, I gotta do everything?

298. - Okay, calm down. He'll get

299. some bugs for your lizard.

300. - Anything else you need?

301. - Yeah. My foot itches.

302. Here's a fork.

303. Oh, yeah, ah.

304. Harder!

305. - Sweet!

306. - Hello, Spencer.

307. Hi, Mrs. Benson.

308. - Have you heard

309. how Lewbert's feeling?

310. - Yeah, he's doing okay.

311. I've got the kids

312. keeping an eye on him.

313. - Well, I think

314. it's very nice of you

315. to cover for Lewbert

316. till he's feeling better.

317. Why is the counter

318. wet and sticky?

319. - Oh, well, I have—

320. - "Wet and sticky is very icky.

321. Sticky and wet

322. makes mommy upset."

323. - I don't know

324. how to respond to that.

325. Breaker one-nine,

326. breaker one-nine, come back.

327. - What is that?

328. - Oh, it's an old CB radio.

329. I found it back there

330. with Lewbert's stuff.

331. I just plugged it in,

332. it works great.

333. - A CB radio, like the kind

334. that truck drivers use

335. to talk to each other?

336. - Yeah, you wanna try it?

337. - No.

338. - Oh, come on, it's really fun.

339. All you do is—

340. - I don't like

341. wireless transceivers.

342. - Hello,

343. all you truckers out there,

344. this is the doorman,

345. looking for someone to jaw with.

346. Hey, hey, hey there,

347. doorman.

348. You got rockin' Rodney

349. on this end.

350. Come on back.

351. - Hey there, rockin' Rodney.

352. I'm new to the CB radio world

353. and I was just—

354. How?

355. - Okay. Your place is all

356. clean... er.

357. - I want some tomato juice.

358. - Hey. We've done everything

359. you've asked us the past five

360. days. You might try saying

361. thanks once.

362. - You didn't install

363. an air conditioner.

364. - We don't have enough money

365. to buy you an air conditioner.

366. - You're just lucky

367. Freddie's putting up

368. that ceiling fan for you.

369. - I'd feel lucky if I were

370. drinking some tomato juice.

371. - I'll get you

372. some tomato juice.

373. - Hallelujah!

374. - Sam, hand me

375. my needle-nose pliers.

376. - Here you go.

377. - This ain't tomato juice.

378. - Then what is it?

379. - Nothin'.

380. I got to get some rest.

381. Okay.

382. Here's the remote

383. that controls the fan.

384. - Come on,

385. let's get out of here.

386. - Just call us

387. if you need anything else.

388. - I'm hot!

389. - So turn on the fan.

390. - What button?

391. - The green one.

392. - I'm pressing the green one

393. and nothing happens—

394. Bring him in.

395. Oh, easy. Easy.

396. - We're almost there.

397. Just a couple more steps.

398. All right.

399. - Support my left side.

400. - I am trying. Mom, Mom,

401. I need you to go around.

402. - Here.

403. - And get him down from there.

404. Right there.

405. - This place is disgusting.

406. - Welcome back

407. from the hospital.

408. - Don't you mean welcome back

409. from the hospital... again?

410. - Come on. We didn't mean

411. to drop a ceiling fan on you.

412. - I thought the brackets

413. were secure.

414. - Oh, you thought.

415. Well, maybe you should have

416. checked twice. Oh, yeah.

417. - Yeah, we thought

418. we've checked it twice.

419. - We got a wire up—

420. - You—wait.

421. - Hey, hey, hey.

422. Would you children please stop

423. upsetting this injured man.

424. Move away. Shoo.

425. Oh, you poor thing.

426. You look awful.

427. - He looked awful

428. before the accident.

429. - Sam.

430. - I feel worse than I look.

431. - Well, that's because your leg

432. isn't properly elevated.

433. - Oh, no, no, no, no!

434. Ohh.

435. Thank you, Mrs. Benson.

436. - Oh, please, call me Marissa.

437. - Marissa?

438. - Mm-hmm.

439. - That's a pretty name.

440. Oh, thank you.

441. It's French.

442. It means honeysuckle.

443. - Oh, I like honeysuckle.

444. - Look, why don't you kids

445. run along?

446. I'll look after Lewbert.

447. - Oh, are you sure

448. 'cause we—

449. - Bye.

450. - Don't you think

451. we should stay and help?

452. - Marissa, I was wondering.

453. Would you mind shaving my back?

454. - Oh, I would be delighted

455. to shave your back.

456. - Oh.

457. - Well, bye.

458. - Breaker, breaker, this is

459. the doorman, looking for some

460. CB convo-sation.

461. Anybody out there pickin' up

462. what I'm puttin' out,

463. come on back.

464. Hey there, doorman.

465. You got Porkchop on this end.

466. Come on.

467. - Well, hey there, Porkchop.

468. How you doin'?

469. Doin' just fine.

470. Are you a trucker?

471. - One second.

472. Hey, hey, listen.

473. You're really not supposed

474. to do that here

475. in the lobby, okay?

476. Thanks.

477. Sorry there, Porkchop.

478. Anyway, no, I'm not a trucker

479. but here's a joke for you.

480. What's the difference between

481. roast beef and pea soup?

482. Man, I don't know.

483. Come on.

484. - Anyone can roast beef

485. but nobody can pea soup.

486. Hey, kid, seriously,

487. you can't do that in here.

488. Take it outside, okay?

489. - Make me.

490. - Hey!

491. Look, doorman, this

492. channel is for truckers only

493. so get off.

494. - No. This is a free country and

495. I can talk on here all I wanna.

496. Boy, you don't wanna

497. mess with the Porkchop.

498. - Quit that!

499. - What if I don't?

500. - Hey, hey.

501. What's goin' on?

502. - Is he your son?

503. - Yeah.

504. - Well, he's been playing

505. racquetball in here

506. even though I keep telling him

507. to knock it off.

508. - That's it.

509. You're grounded.

510. - Yeah!

511. - Hey, hey.

512. - Hey, get off of me.

513. Get him off.

514. - I'll get you!

515. - Have fun locked in your room!

516. - Morning, girls.

517. Check me out.

518. - What?

519. - No belt.

520. And look, open-toed shoes.

521. - Wow, you're an animal.

522. - Yeah.

523. - I thought your mom

524. always makes you wear a belt

525. and never lets you wear

526. open-toed shoes.

527. - Yeah, but since she's been

528. takin' care of Lewbert,

529. I can pretty much do

530. whatever I want.

531. Last night,

532. slept with my socks on.

533. - So?

534. - Just my socks.

535. - Oh. Uhh. Augh.

536. - Okay, but doesn't it bug you

537. that your mom and Lewbert

538. are practically dating?

539. - They're not dating.

540. She's just being a good nurse.

541. - Oh, wake up and smell

542. the boyfriend, Benson.

543. She's with him all the time.

544. - I bet they've kissed.

545. - They have not.

546. - If his mom marries Lewbert,

547. does that mean Freddie

548. will have to kiss

549. his wart good night?

550. - My mom will never

551. marry Lewbert.

552. - Okay.

553. - Whatever you say.

554. Hey, you know,

555. your mom was right,

556. you really should wear a belt.

557. - Why?

558. - So people can't do this.

559. - Thanks.

560. - Hey, hey,

561. this is the doorman.

562. Who's out there

563. in CB radio land?

564. Come on back to me.

565. Hey, you got

566. The Sledgehammer, come back.

567. - Okay, Mr. Sledgehammer,

568. what do you get when you cross

569. a rooster with a small dog?

570. Huh?

571. - A cocka-poodle-doo.

572. Look, buddy,

573. this channel ain't no place

574. for comedians.

575. - Is too.

576. Hey, Sledgehammer,

577. I think you're talkin'

578. to the same old boy that was

579. gettin' on my nerves

580. the other day.

581. - Oh, Porkchop!

582. So nice to hear

583. your voice again.

584. Hey, what you been doin'?

585. Diggin' bugs

586. outta your wife's ear?

587. That tears it.

588. Where are you?

589. - You'll never find out.

590. You better hope we don't.

591. - Hey, Porkchop

592. and Sledgehammer,

593. if you guys ever get married,

594. will your last name

595. be Sledgechop or Porkhammer?

596. - Oops! The doorman

597. will be right back.

598. - Hey, Sledgehammer

599. and Porkchop,

600. if you wanna find the doorman,

601. he works in an apartment

602. building on the west side

603. of Kennedy Square.

604. - Chuck, put that down.

605. - Yes, Daddy.

606. - You know, this is the best

607. food I've had

608. since I was in the hospital.

609. - Oh, thank you, Lewbert.

610. More fish loaf?

611. - Well, I was kinda hopin'

612. we could maybe get

613. right to dessert?

614. - But I didn't make

615. any dessert.

616. - I don't know. I'm lookin'

617. at something pretty sweet.

618. Oh, Lewb.

619. To us.

620. - Put the bows down!

621. - What's up?

622. - Why do we have to—

623. - You guys were right.

624. You were right, okay?

625. My mom—she likes Lewbert.

626. Duuuh!

627. - Oh, well, maybe she—

628. - No jokes, Puckett.

629. This is serious chizz!

630. - Okay, calm down.

631. - I can't.

632. Benson.

633. - How can I calm down

634. when there's a possibility

635. that Lewbert

636. could become my daddy?

637. - Dude, we can fix this chizz.

638. - How?

639. - Okay, think.

640. What's the most important thing

641. in the world to your mom?

642. - Um, I don't know. Soap?

643. - You.

644. - You're her whole world.

645. - Was. Now she's spending

646. every minute she can

647. with Lewbert.

648. - Yes, because he got hurt

649. which brought out

650. her motherly instincts.

651. - So?

652. - So... what if... you got hurt?

653. - Yeah.

654. What?

655. - And I wrote down all your

656. phone messages in here,

657. which I organized

658. into three piles.

659. From your mother,

660. death threats,

661. and death threats

662. from your mother.

663. And here are your keys.

664. - What's my CB radio

665. doin' there?

666. - Oh, I found it

667. in the back so I was—

668. - Get out!

669. - There you are, like a captain

670. at the helm of his ship.

671. - Oh, Marissa, stop.

672. - Here, let me rub

673. some cream on your wart.

674. - Oh, that'd be nice.

675. Mom, are you down

676. here? I—

677. - Freddie—Freddie,

678. oh, my baby.

679. Are you all right?

680. - Oh, no.

681. - Hey, don't get any blood

682. on my floor.

683. - My son is hurt.

684. What's wrong with you?

685. - For one thing, I got a wart

686. that needs cream on it.

687. - Freddie may have

688. a concussion.

689. - Oh, come on.

690. We don't have time for this.

691. Our dinner reservations

692. are in 20 minutes.

693. - Well, you'll just have

694. to go without me.

695. - Freddie. Oh my gosh.

696. - Are you okay?

697. - What happened?

698. - He fell down the stairs

699. probably because of these

700. open-toed shoes.

701. Oh, you're probably right—oh.

702. - Girls, help me

703. get him to the elevator

704. and up to the apartment

705. so I can take care of him.

706. - Oh, ok.

707. - We got him.

708. - What about me?

709. - I am sorry, Lewbert,

710. but you are a mean, nasty man.

711. I cured your body

712. but I can't cure

713. your hideous personality.

714. - Wait!

715. Can I at least get the recipe

716. for your fish loaf?

717. - Come with me, Freddie.

718. - Oh.

719. Wait!

720. Who's gonna rub cream

721. on my wart?

722. Would either of you girls—

723. - Gross.

724. - Eww!

725. - Oh, whatever!

726. - Stay!

727. - Hey.

728. - Who are you clowns?

729. - Porkchop.

730. - You the doorman?

731. - Yeah, I'm the doorman.

732. What of it?

733. Oh, hey, hey,

734. what's goin' on here, fellas?

735. Whoa, wait. Help.

736. - Okay. Ready?

737. - Go.

738. What do you do

739. if your foot catches on fire?

740. - Go to iCarly.com.

741. - Correct.

742. What do you do if a bear

743. swallows your little brother?

744. - Go to iCarly.com.

745. - Yes.

746. What do you do

747. if you can't find your pants?

748. - Go to iCarly.com.

749. - Good girl.

750. What do you do

751. if a bear catches on fire

752. then swallows your pants?

753. - Go to iCarly.com.

754. - Exactly. What do you—

755. - Go to iCarly.com.

756. - How did you know?

757. - Had a feeling.

758. - Mm.

759. Wanna get some chicken wings?

760. - Yep.

761. Mmm!