iCarly 2x20

1. - Look at it.

2. Cute little choo-choo.

3. - Go little choo-choo train.

4. Woo-woo. Woo-woo.

5. - And here comes the big rock.

6. - And that proves once again...

7. - ... that big rock

8. beats choo-choo train.

9. - Hard to beat the big rock.

10. - It really is.

11. Okay.

12. Next on iCarly...

13. - ... we're gonna show you

14. a fun little video that we shot

15. at school yesterday.

16. - Oh, great.

17. - I call this video:

18. Check this out.

19. - Hey.

20. Why aren't you guys

21. dressed like clowns?

22. - What do you mean?

23. - I got an email from school

24. saying that today was clown day.

25. Didn't you guys get...

26. you guys sent me that email.

27. - She made me.

28. Wait, is this on camera?

29. Gibby, come here.

30. No. Get away from me.

31. - Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. So funny.

32. - Freddie Benson, people— the

33. most gullible boy in America.

34. - I'm usually not gullible.

35. - Dude, you're the easiest

36. person to trick, ever.

37. - Untrue.

38. - All right.

39. I just wanna say,

40. I feel really bad

41. about tricking Freddie,

42. which is why I'm giving him

43. this $100 gift certificate

44. to the Cheesecake Warehouse.

45. - Seriously?

46. - Nope. It's just lettuce.

47. - Gotcha.

48. - She made me do it.

49. - Uh-huh.

50. - FREDDIE; In five,

51. four, three, two...

52. - You're making too big a deal

53. outta this.

54. - You don't understand.

55. - I totally understand.

56. - Can I come stay

57. at your house?

58. - Sam, it's not that big

59. of a deal.

60. - What were you guys

61. talking about?

62. - Uh... nothin'... just...

63. - ... the Middle East.

64. - Lot of tension there.

65. - Tough situation.

66. - Come on, what were

67. you guys talking about?

68. - Can't you just tell him?

69. - No.

70. - He's gonna find out some time.

71. - Okay, fine, whatever.

72. My sister's comin' home

73. for a few days

74. and I'm peeved off about it,

75. okay?

76. - It's just three days.

77. You can deal with it.

78. - Okay, wait a minute.

79. Sam's sister?

80. - Yeah, Melanie.

81. - You don't have a sister.

82. - Yes, she does.

83. - Well, then how come

84. I've never heard of her?

85. - 'cause Sam hates

86. to talk about her.

87. - She goes to a fancy

88. boarding school,

89. on a scholarship,

90. she gets perfect grades,

91. never gets in trouble,

92. always has clean hair.

93. She makes me sick.

94. - Oh, come on, she's sweet.

95. - Oh, will you guys

96. just stop it?

97. - What do you mean?

98. - I'm not that gullible.

99. I know Sam doesn't have

100. a sister.

101. - Yeah, I do.

102. - I've been to your house.

103. How come I've never seen

104. a picture of this sister?

105. - You have, you just didn't know

106. it was Melanie

107. 'cause we look identical.

108. - They're twins.

109. - Oh, twins.

110. Twins.

111. Right, you know, I have an uncle

112. who's an avocado.

113. Yeah, we call him

114. Uncle Green Mush.

115. - We're telling you the truth.

116. - I ain't fallin' for it.

117. - Who cares what he thinks?

118. Let's go.

119. - People care what I think.

120. - No, they don't.

121. - Yes, sir.

122. - Look who's back! Me!

123. - How was the market?

124. - Cool. Your pork roast.

125. - Um, I asked for an orange.

126. - You didn't say pork roast?

127. - No.

128. - Who was I talking to?

129. What kinda homework you doin'?

130. - I'm not.

131. I'm tutoring a kid

132. who lives in our building.

133. - Oh, that's so nice of you.

134. - Well, his dad is paying me.

135. - Good, 'cause you owe me

136. 24 bucks for the pork roast.

137. - Stop. Stop it.

138. - Hey, the soap in your bathroom

139. smells awesome.

140. Him?

141. You're tutoring him?

142. - Yeah, that's Chuck.

143. - I know that's Chuck.

144. Chuck is evil.

145. - Spencer.

146. - He's my arch-nemesis.

147. Once, he tried to hit me

148. with a racquetball racquet,

149. and then he tried

150. to smack me around,

151. and then another time

152. he locked me in the basement

153. and squirted me

154. with a suspicious liquid.

155. - Suspicious liquid?

156. - I never did that stuff.

157. - Just back up.

158. - What's the matter with you?

159. - You've let my enemy

160. penetrate my inner sanctum.

161. - He's a nice kid.

162. - No.

163. He's gonna do bad things to me.

164. - You need to go

165. take a hot bath or something.

166. - Bath?

167. - Sorry, Chuck. Where were we?

168. - 900 divided by 12.

169. - Right, and the answer is...

170. - Seventy-five?

171. - Perfect.

172. - Yay, I'm learning.

173. - Okay, let's check out

174. your homework assignment

175. for tomorrow.

176. - Carly.

177. - What?

178. - MAN ON TV;

179. The male elephant offers

180. the female elephant a peanut.

181. - What are we watching?

182. - Elephant Love.

183. - Ah.

184. - Hey. Can I borrow a scissors?

185. - Don't you have a scissors?

186. - No.

187. My mom says

188. they're too dangerous

189. to keep around the house.

190. - We've got a scissors

191. in the kitchen drawer.

192. Can you handle 'em?

193. - I think I can.

194. - Come with me.

195. - Yeah?

196. Carly, it's Melanie.

197. - Oh, hey, Melanie, come on up.

198. - That Sam's sister?

199. - Oh, come on.

200. They got you in on it, too?

201. - In on what?

202. - Guys, I'm not fallin' for it.

203. I know Sam

204. doesn't have a twin sister.

205. - She does too.

206. - No, she—

207. Is that a new necklace?

208. - Yeah, you like it?

209. - Can you return it?

210. - No.

211. - It's nice.

212. - Hi!

213. Hey, Melanie.

214. - Oh, gimme a break.

215. - Wow, I don't think

216. I've seen you

217. since the seventh grade.

218. - I know. Hi, Spencer.

219. - Hey, kid.

220. - Okay, this is

221. the stupidest thing ever.

222. - Oh, my gosh, you're Freddie.

223. I recognize you from iCarly.

224. - Oh, shut up.

225. - Huh? I'm confused.

226. - Really? Sam?

227. - He thinks

228. Sam's messin' with him

229. about having a twin sister.

230. - Oh. I don't blame you.

231. It is the kinda thing

232. Sam would do.

233. - You know, one time,

234. she tried to convince me

235. I was adopted.

236. - Uh-huh.

237. And isn't it convenient

238. that Sam isn't here right now?

239. - She should be here.

240. It's almost eight.

241. - Well, let's just go,

242. I'll text Sam and have her

243. meet us at the movie.

244. - Perfect!

245. - Wonderful. Bravo.

246. Very believable performance,

247. Carly and Sam.

248. - Freddie, I'm really Melanie.

249. - Duh-huh.

250. - Later.

251. - Nice meeting you.

252. - Uh, okay.

253. How can they think

254. I'm that gullible?

255. - Clown Day?

256. - That email

257. looked really real.

258. Don't feel bad.

259. When I was a kid

260. at sleep-away camp,

261. my friends tricked me

262. into thinking

263. it was Naked Day.

264. You ever play dodgeball naked?

265. - No.

266. - Don't ever do it.

267. - I won't...

268. - ...'cause—

269. - I get it.

270. - Yeah.

271. - Hey, dish rag.

272. - Impressive.

273. What, you changed your clothes

274. and hair in the lobby,

275. then took the main elevator

276. back up here?

277. - What are you yappin' on

278. about now?

279. - Wait.

280. Ah, I gotta go meet Carly

281. and Melanie at the Omniplex.

282. - Okay. Well, you better hurry.

283. You don't wanna

284. keep yourself waiting.

285. Oh.

286. - MRS. Freddie!

287. They're just scissors.

288. Chuck.

289. - Hello.

290. All right, you little gremlin.

291. You are in major trouble

292. for this.

293. Carly!

294. Oh, why did I taste it?

295. - Hey.

296. - Oh, hi.

297. - Fred-ucccine.

298. - So, are you Sam right now

299. or "Melanie"?

300. - I don't know, does this hurt?

301. - Aah!

302. Yeah, it hurt.

303. - Then I'm Sam.

304. - I thought you had

305. detention today.

306. - I do.

307. - She snuck out.

308. - Won't Ms. Briggs know

309. you ditched?

310. - Nah, she only comes

311. for the first five minutes,

312. then she leaves to go make out

313. with Mr. Howard

314. in the teachers' lounge.

315. - Oh, people over 30

316. really should not make out.

317. - No.

318. - That's wrong.

319. - Whose smoothie?

320. - Melanie's.

321. - Oh.

322. So this is Melanie's smoothie?

323. Then where is mythical Melanie?

324. - In the bathroom.

325. - Even twins

326. have to go sometimes.

327. - Yeah, what's up?

328. - Well, then maybe

329. I'll just wait here

330. 'til Melanie comes out

331. of the bathroom.

332. - Aw, man.

333. - What's wrong?

334. - Briggs came back to detention

335. and saw I ditched.

336. Uh, just tell her I had to puke.

337. I'll be back there

338. in five minutes.

339. - Don't you have to wait

340. for Melanie?

341. - Tell her I'll meet her later

342. at home.

343. - Wait, you didn't pay

344. for your smoothie.

345. - I didn't finish it.

346. - She did finish it.

347. - Would the gentleman

348. care for a pickle?

349. - Uh, no,

350. I don't want a pickle.

351. - Why? You afraid of pickles?

352. Scared to take a walk

353. on the pickle side of town?

354. - No.

355. I just think that pickles

356. and smoothies

357. don't really go together.

358. - Oh. Well, pardon me

359. for thinkin' that all foods

360. and beverages could get along.

361. - Hey, Freddie. Where's Sam?

362. Oh, she had to go back

363. to detention.

364. Yes.

365. And isn't it interesting

366. how "Sam" had to leave

367. right before "you"

368. showed up here?

369. - Is he still on this?

370. - Uh-huh.

371. - I will say it's impressive

372. that you changed

373. your clothes and hair so fast.

374. - Freddie, I'm really Melanie.

375. I'm really Sam's sister.

376. - Oh, are you?

377. - I am.

378. Anyway, I gotta go meet my mom

379. at the clinic.

380. - Wait.

381. Since you're Melanie,

382. how would you like

383. to go on a date with me

384. this Saturday night?

385. Oh.

386. Well, that'd be really cool.

387. I'd love to.

388. - Oh, you—really?

389. - Sure.

390. - Okay then.

391. - Okay. Bye.

392. - Wow,

393. that came out of nowhere.

394. - Yep. 'cause I'm a genius.

395. - Huh?

396. - Sam would rather

397. chew broken glass

398. than go on a date with me

399. for a whole Saturday night.

400. No way she's going through

401. with this.

402. - You asked Melanie.

403. - Okay.

404. You can pretend

405. I'm goin' on a date

406. with Melanie, but I know

407. I've got a date with Sam.

408. - What?

409. - I've got a date with Sam!

410. - You wanna buy a pickle?

411. - No!

412. - Next, I...

413. - ... subtract 26 from 700.

414. - Hey.

415. - Tutoring.

416. - This will just take a sec.

417. Which sweater do you think

418. Sam would hate the most?

419. - The stripes. Why?

420. - Then I'm wearin' the stripes

421. on my date with her.

422. - You're going out with Melanie,

423. not Sam.

424. - Hey, when I get older,

425. maybe I could

426. go on a date with you.

427. - Oh, Chuck.

428. - Don't waste your time, kid.

429. I've been barkin' up that tree

430. since sixth grade.

431. Oh!

432. What happened?

433. - You wanna know what happened?

434. That little pimple

435. filled my motorcycle helmet

436. with chunky red goo.

437. - Eww! What is that?

438. - I wish I knew.

439. - Don't taste it.

440. - Right. It's so gross.

441. - Want me to get you

442. a paper towel?

443. - Aw.

444. - Don't go "Aw!" he did this!

445. - I did not.

446. - Stop picking on him.

447. Just use your other helmet.

448. - You and Sam

449. took my other helmet

450. to use for some iCarly thing.

451. - Then I'll go get it.

452. You need to calm down and take

453. a bubble bath or something.

454. - You know, bathing

455. isn't the answer to everything.

456. All right, Chuck.

457. Now you listen to me.

458. I know what you are.

459. You may have Carly fooled,

460. but I know exactly what you—

461. That hurts!

462. - Here's your other helm—

463. why are you on the floor?

464. - Maybe he had a stroke.

465. - Come with me.

466. - I'm not finished

467. tutoring Chuck.

468. - It'll just take a second.

469. - Spencer!

470. - Don't protest!

471. - Spencer!

472. Just come on!

473. It'll just take a second!

474. It'll just take a second!

475. - I have to finish

476. my tutoring session with Chuck.

477. - Look at this.

478. - Whose laptop is that?

479. - Socko's; he lent it to me

480. with some special software

481. and a couple of teeny

482. little secret video cameras.

483. - Okay,

484. I really don't have time to—

485. - Take a look at what happened

486. downstairs two minutes ago.

487. - I don't want to.

488. - Just watch it!

489. - Okay.

490. That hurts!

491. - That lying little beast.

492. - You see?

493. He grabbed me,

494. pulled me over the couch

495. and then wailed on me!

496. - I know!

497. You've gotta start working out.

498. - That's not the point!

499. Now you know I was right!

500. He's evil and I want revenge!

501. - No!

502. I know how to get him back.

503. Trust me.

504. - Okay.

505. - You do have to start

506. working out.

507. - Stop squishing it.

508. - Hey, Chuck,

509. sorry to keep you waiting.

510. - Oh, it's okay.

511. I drew you a flower.

512. Aw. You are so sweet.

513. Anyway, since you've got

514. your big test on Monday,

515. we should go over

516. the new international math laws

517. that were just passed

518. by the U.N.

519. - International math laws?

520. - Uh-huh.

521. They made some changes,

522. so we gotta make sure

523. you understand

524. all the new rules.

525. Now, the biggest news is,

526. they've created a new number.

527. - A new number?

528. - Yep, between five and six.

529. It's called derf.

530. - Derf.

531. - Right.

532. And it looks like this.

533. Huh. That's a derf. See?

534. - Oh.

535. - So, now, it goes: one, two,

536. three, four, five, derf,

537. six, seven, got it?

538. - I think so.

539. Good, and so then

540. it goes: 13, 14, 15—

541. and what's next?

542. - Derfteen?

543. - Wow. You catch on fast.

544. - Thanks.

545. - So, if we take 12,

546. and multiply that by 81,

547. and then divide it by two,

548. we get...

549. - Four hundred

550. and derfty-seven?

551. - Awesome.

552. - Hey. All right. Excuse me.

553. Okay.

554. Okay.

555. Okay, I'm gonna—okay.

556. Here we go.

557. - You get thirsty

558. on the way here?

559. - Sorta.

560. So, Melanie,

561. you look pretty hot tonight.

562. - Thanks. I love your shirt.

563. - No, you don't.

564. Carly said you hate stripes.

565. - Sam hates stripes.

566. - How long are you gonna

567. keep this up?

568. Just admit you're Sam

569. and we can leave.

570. - I would.

571. Ow.

572. But I'm not Sam.

573. - Okay.

574. If you're not Sam,

575. then I guess you wouldn't mind

576. if I held your hand.

577. - I don't mind at all.

578. I think you're really cute.

579. - How can you say that

580. without vomiting?

581. - What?

582. - All right.

583. If you're not Sam,

584. I suppose you wouldn't mind

585. dancing with me.

586. - I'd love to.

587. - This is a slow dance,

588. you know.

589. - I know.

590. - We'll have to dance together,

591. pressed against each other.

592. - Yeah, let's go.

593. - I can't believe

594. you're doing this.

595. - Why? I like you.

596. - You hate me, you always have.

597. - Maybe Sam hates you.

598. - You are Sam.

599. - Really? Would Sam do this?

600. - You swore

601. we'd never do that again.

602. - I didn't swear anything.

603. Freddie.

604. - You know what's a stupid

605. letter?

606. - Q?

607. - Yeah.

608. Why do I hate Q so much?

609. - 'Cause it's so obviously

610. just an O,

611. tryin' to be all fancy

612. with its pointless little tail.

613. - Q's pathetic.

614. Hey, could one

615. of you guys get that?

616. I'm sculpturing.

617. - Sure.

618. Oh. Hi, Mr. Chambers.

619. Chuck.

620. - Ugh. Stripes.

621. - Carly,

622. I just wanna let you know

623. that we're not gonna continue

624. with the tutoring.

625. Chuck failed his math test.

626. - Oh, no.

627. - It's not your fault.

628. He made up some fake number

629. called derf.

630. - Derf?

631. - I learned it from you.

632. - Okay, that does it, Chuck.

633. If you're gonna blame Carly

634. for your failure,

635. I'm gonna ground you

636. for three weeks.

637. - Dad!

638. - Mr. Chambers, you know,

639. I also had trouble with math

640. when I was a boy.

641. So my dad sent me to Math Camp

642. for the whole summer.

643. - Math Camp?

644. - Math Camp?

645. - Yes. Here's a brochure.

646. - Ooh, Camp Addemup.

647. This looks perfect.

648. - Enjoy your summer, Chuck.

649. - Yeah. Chuck.

650. - MR. Let's go, son.

651. - That was fun.

652. I'm gonna go take

653. a victory bath.

654. Shave your toes.

655. No.

656. - Where were we?

657. - Hittin' a balloon, hatin' Q.

658. - Right.

659. - Hey. Here's your—oh.

660. You're here.

661. - Yeah, like seein' your face

662. freshens up my day.

663. - You sure seemed

664. to like my face last night,

665. when you had your lips

666. all over it.

667. - That wasn't me, dipthong.

668. - You and Melanie kissed?

669. - Man, how long are you two

670. gonna keep tryin' to trick me

671. with the whole Melanie thing?

672. I told you,

673. I'm not that gullible.

674. I know there's no Melanie.

675. - Yes there—

676. - Whoa. Let's just stop.

677. It didn't work.

678. - It didn't?

679. - Okay. You won.

680. We tried to trick you,

681. but we couldn't pull it off.

682. Ha!

683. Then admit there's no Melanie,

684. and that I'm not gullible,

685. and that I'm too smart for you.

686. - There's no Melanie,

687. you're not gullible,

688. and you're too smart for me.

689. - That's right.

690. In your face, Puckett!

691. Bye, ladies.

692. - He loves to be right.

693. - All boys do.

694. - Totally.

695. - Hey. We going to the mall?

696. - Let's hit it.

697. - Yep.

698. - How could you make out

699. with Freddie?

700. - He's adorable.

701. - I can't believe

702. you two are sisters.

703. Me either.

704. - Hi, I'm Sierra and I'm gonna

705. make my brother Jack disappear.

706. - Huh?

707. Tada.

708. All right, I'll bring him back.

709. - I hate you when you do that!

710. I'm telling!

711. Mmm!