iCarly 2x14

Directed by David Kendall

Mary Scheer as Marissa Benson • Melise as Fake Carly • Gabriel Basso as Fake Freddie • George Doty IV as Dr. Doty • Rashad Monson as Kevin Colt

Sam, Freddie, and Carly search America to find three people who look like them the most. After being told that they're not allowed to go to a Mixed Martial Arts fight, they bring the look alikes back to the studio to fake out Spencer while the go to the MMA fight.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - Okay, 12 bottles

2. of soda, diet and regular.

3. Five cans of nuts, assorted.

4. Chips, five bags,

5. nine cylinders.

6. - Hey, sorry.

7. - Where have you been?

8. - I got this new—

9. - Don't care.

10. Okay. I've already got drinks,

11. nuts, chips—ooh, dip.

12. Should we get onion

13. or maybe guaca—

14. what are you doing?

15. - My mom got me

16. a home bio scanner.

17. - Will it help us plan

18. Sam's birthday party?

19. - No, but check out

20. how it works.

21. See, I just prick my finger

22. with this thing.

23. - We don't have time for you

24. to prick your silly finger.

25. - Now I just squeeze out

26. a drop of blood...

27. - Gross.

28. - And then I rub it around

29. on this panel

30. which is connected to my laptop,

31. and in two minutes,

32. it'll tell me all kinds of

33. biological stuff about myself.

34. - Stuff like that you have

35. a bloody punctured finger?

36. Come help me.

37. - Why are you so worried

38. about Sam's party?

39. - 'Cause I want it

40. to be special.

41. The one her mom threw

42. last year was so lame.

43. - You don't like bowling?

44. - I do, when it's at an actual

45. bowling alley

46. and not outside in the parking

47. lot at El Taco Guapo.

48. - Hey, Carly, Fredwardo.

49. - What up with the tuxedo?

50. - Do you like it, hmm?

51. Little side view,

52. little over the shoulder,

53. twirly spin, foot in the air,

54. hips forward, hmm?

55. - Why did you rent a tux?

56. - I didn't.

57. Socko's brother, Taylor,

58. made it for me

59. so his grandmother can take me

60. to the Mexican ballet.

61. - So why are you

62. wearing it now?

63. - 'Cause I dig

64. looking super hot.

65. And get this, you know that cute

66. checkout girl at Hey Food?

67. - Veronica?

68. Yeah.

69. You know how I always

70. try and flirt with her,

71. and she just says:

72. "Paper or plastic?"

73. and I say: "Why don't

74. you go out with me?",

75. and she says:

76. "Don't make me call the cops",

77. and I say: "Okay, sorry.

78. Plastic".

79. - Yeah.

80. - Right.

81. - Well, today, she asked me out.

82. Friday night, baby!

83. - Yo.

84. I got my bio scan test results.

85. - Ooh, please give me

86. a full report.

87. - All right, let's see.

88. From just one little drop

89. of my blood,

90. it knows that I'm...

91. "Prone to excessive bleeding".

92. But I'm not prone to excessive—

93. - Freddie.

94. Oh, God, paper towel,

95. paper towel, paper towel.

96. Aah-aah-aah.

97. In five, four, three, two...

98. Okay, iCarly fans.

99. Now, it's time for...

100. I'd Morph That.

101. - Okay, on screen,

102. you see a pic of Carly.

103. And a pic

104. of Sam's rabid cat.

105. - His name is Frothy.

106. - What do you think, Sam?

107. - I'd morph that.

108. - Then do it.

109. Okay.

110. That's it for this iCarly.

111. - Yeah, not quite.

112. Huh?

113. Before we go...

114. - Surprise!

115. - It's my birthday.

116. - 'Til next time.

117. - Get plenty of sleep.

118. - Eat lots of dirt.

119. - And scream at the sky.

120. - Now, to close the show,

121. a song for Sam.

122. Stop, stop, stop!

123. Not PD.

124. - This party is so great.

125. I can't believe

126. you invited Pete.

127. - I had to.

128. You haven't stop talking

129. about him for three weeks.

130. - I can't help it.

131. The boy gets me going.

132. - I got it. I got it.

133. Hey, Veronica.

134. - Hi.

135. - Hey. You wanna dance?

136. - Um, no, thanks.

137. - Why not?

138. 'Cause I'm different?

139. Your loss, lady.

140. - Uh, Carly.

141. - Hey.

142. - You met my little sister

143. Carly?

144. - Oh, yeah. Paper.

145. - Plastic.

146. - Oh, right.

147. - Okay,

148. so we're gonna head out.

149. So if you have any problems,

150. Mrs. Benson is next door

151. and I've got—

152. - Okay, bye.

153. - Apparently, we're leaving.

154. Just promise me you'll make sure

155. that if anything goes wrong—

156. - Hey, everybody.

157. Hey, everybody, listen,

158. listen up.

159. All right, now the time has come

160. for whoever wants

161. to say some words

162. about the birthday girl.

163. - Carly, you wanna go first?

164. I do.

165. - Hey, everybody.

166. Yeah.

167. - Sam, first, happy birthday.

168. You're my best friend

169. in the whole world

170. and the funniest person

171. I've ever met.

172. - Yes, Sam. Aow!

173. - Sam, you're smart

174. and creative and fun

175. and awesome,

176. and you're the only person

177. I know who can eat an entire ham

178. in less than 15 minutes.

179. To Sam.

180. Yeah.

181. - Freddie, you're up.

182. Freddie!

183. - All right.

184. I got a few words to say

185. about Sam.

186. - Better watch it, Fredifer.

187. - I just wanna say, Sam,

188. even though you constantly

189. cause me both physical

190. and emotional pain—

191. - Not joking.

192. I think of you and me

193. as really close friends.

194. - Apparently, I haven't caused

195. him enough emotional pain.

196. - Sam, you're funny,

197. you're cool,

198. and you're the only girl

199. I've ever seen knock out

200. a truck driver

201. using only a carton of milk.

202. So, happy birthday,

203. you crazy psychopath.

204. Gibby, your turn, get up here.

205. - Gibby! All right!

206. - Hey. Couple of years ago,

207. I asked Sam to go with me

208. to the junior high dance.

209. Aww.

210. So she broke my thumb.

211. - And at some point

212. during the slumber party,

213. Sam took my bra,

214. filled it with pudding,

215. and stuck it in the freezer.

216. Then, the next morning,

217. she took it out and threatened

218. to beat my brother with it

219. unless he gave her his muffin.

220. - And even though

221. I haven't known Sam

222. for too long, I know

223. that if I ever get in a fight

224. and I can have either

225. the football team

226. or Sam back me up,

227. I'm going with Sam.

228. You are one bad dude.

229. - Uh, Gibby, maybe you wanna put

230. your vest back on?

231. - What are you, a cop?

232. - Hey.

233. - Hey.

234. - Party still going on?

235. - Uh, yeah.

236. But at ten o'clock,

237. everyone turned invisible.

238. Hey, keep it down, you guys!

239. - Sorry.

240. - Are you okay?

241. - My date with Veronica

242. didn't go too well.

243. - Why? You said

244. you guys really clicked

245. the other day at Hey Food.

246. - I know. I don't get it.

247. - Maybe she only likes you

248. when you're wearing a tux.

249. - You know what?

250. I think you may be right.

251. - I was kidding.

252. - No. Think about it.

253. She wouldn't talk to me

254. for months.

255. Then I wear the tux and boom,

256. she gets all flirty

257. and asks me out.

258. Then I don't wear the tux

259. on our date and boom,

260. she doesn't like me again.

261. The tux is the key.

262. - Oh, please, there's no way—

263. Shh.

264. The tux is the key.

265. - Why are you cleaning out

266. your locker?

267. - Just am.

268. - But these are

269. your throwin' eggs.

270. - I know.

271. - Okay, why have you been acting

272. all weird since the party?

273. - It's no big deal.

274. Just forget about it.

275. Aa-aah!

276. - The next time I sneeze,

277. you better say: "God bless you".

278. - I will. I'm sorry.

279. - Who is that girl?

280. - Some chick named Jocelyn.

281. Aah!

282. - And she's a student?

283. - Uh-huh. She's a senior.

284. - Yeah, a senior citizen.

285. - Let me down.

286. - No.

287. - Can someone call the police?

288. - Maybe you should stop her?

289. - Why me?

290. - You know, 'cause you're—

291. - Just 'cause some bully's

292. picking on a kid doesn't mean

293. I should go in there—

294. Hey, hey, hey.

295. Hey, break it up.

296. Put that boy down right now.

297. - You irritate me!

298. Come on, you people

299. are gonna be late for homeroom.

300. Go. Go on.

301. - We better go.

302. - No.

303. - We're gonna be late.

304. - I don't care.

305. What's bothering you?

306. - When everyone

307. was making their speeches

308. about me at the party,

309. it made me feel... icky.

310. - Why? They said nice stuff.

311. - Yeah, Pete said he'd want me

312. for backup if he ever got

313. in a fight and then he called me

314. a "duuude."

315. - So?

316. - So unless I really got this

317. whole biology thing

318. mixed up, I am not a dude.

319. - Oh, that's just an expression.

320. People call me dude. Sometimes.

321. - It's different.

322. When people think of you,

323. they don't think of fighting

324. and pranks and vicious behavior.

325. - But that's who you are.

326. You're lovable and vicious—

327. like your rabid cat, Frothy.

328. - I want guys like Pete

329. to think of me as just lovable,

330. not the person to call

331. when there's a riot

332. or they wanna tip a truck over.

333. - So you wanna, like,

334. change your image?

335. - Would you help me?

336. - Of course.

337. But what do you wanna—

338. - I wanna be more like you.

339. You know, all soft and girly

340. and weak.

341. - Well, then you're gonna

342. have to really commit.

343. No more fighting.

344. - Done.

345. - No more pranks,

346. no more spitting for distance.

347. - That's all over.

348. - And you can't wear

349. boxer shorts to school anymore.

350. - Why?

351. - If you wanna be all soft

352. and girly, you—

353. - Don't say it.

354. - I'm just gonna say—

355. Don't.

356. - Okay. I won't say it.

357. - Thanks.

358. - Panties.

359. - There.

360. - So how does all this

361. make me girlier?

362. - Well, this is good practice,

363. 'cause your eating habits

364. aren't the best.

365. - What are you sayin'?

366. - I'm saying it's not ladylike

367. to talk with your mouth full.

368. - What, I gotta finish chewing

369. before I can talk?

370. - Yes. Guys like girls

371. with good manners.

372. - Ugh. Fine.

373. - Um, if you like a guy,

374. what about doing stuff like...

375. Like texting him a smiley face

376. or leaving him a little card

377. with hearts on it?

378. - I said I wanted to be girlier,

379. not a fruit cocktail.

380. - Hey, what are you guys doing?

381. - Carly's teaching me

382. how to be girlier.

383. - And I'm outta here.

384. - Wait.

385. - What?

386. - I want you to role-play

387. with Sam so she can practice

388. what to do when she likes a guy.

389. Come on.

390. - No.

391. - For me? Come along.

392. - All right.

393. What do you want me to do?

394. - Just stand here.

395. Sam, you here.

396. And I want you to pretend

397. Freddie's a guy

398. you have a crush on.

399. - One sec.

400. - Sam!

401. - How can I pretend to have

402. a crush on Freddie

403. if I'm looking at his face?

404. You know,

405. I don't need this.

406. - Hey. I'm back.

407. - You were with Veronica?

408. Yeah.

409. And you were totally right

410. about the tux.

411. Best date of my life.

412. - I was joking about the tux.

413. - Whatevs.

414. She likes me now.

415. And it's all 'cause

416. of good old tuxie.

417. Right, tuxie?

418. Right on, Mr. Spencer.

419. - No girl's gonna

420. like you better just

421. 'cause you're wearing a tux.

422. - Think about it.

423. Before I got the tux,

424. Veronica wanted no part of me.

425. First time I wear the tux,

426. she asks me out.

427. The date comes, I don't wear

428. the tux, she hates me.

429. This time, I wear the tux,

430. she kisses me on my face.

431. It's science.

432. Ah! Let go of my leg.

433. Aah! Oh. Get off.

434. - What's going on there?

435. - I'm teaching Sam

436. to be more girly.

437. - Ah. Good work.

438. No, no, no. Aah!

439. - Come on.

440. You look awesome.

441. Come inside.

442. I can't.

443. - Get in here.

444. - I feel like a daffodil.

445. - Good.

446. Embrace your inner daffodility.

447. - Look, look, look,

448. it's Pete, it's Pete.

449. I know.

450. - How'd you know he'd be here?

451. - I do my research.

452. He comes here every Tuesday

453. and Thursday

454. after baseball practice.

455. Oh, perfect.

456. His friend just left.

457. Now, get over there

458. and girl it up.

459. - Unh.

460. - Oh, come on, daffodility.

461. - That's not even a word.

462. - Go.

463. - Hi there, Pete.

464. - Hey, Sam.

465. Whoa. You look great.

466. What happened?

467. - I don't know, may I sit?

468. - Yeah, sure.

469. - Good-looking burger.

470. - You want the rest?

471. - No, no, I'm just gonna

472. throw it away for you—

473. if you were done.

474. - Yeah, thanks.

475. - It's gone.

476. - Cool.

477. Hey, are you wearing perfume?

478. - Um, yeah, a little.

479. You can sniff me if you wanna.

480. - Uh, okay.

481. Nice.

482. - Cool.

483. - Hey, Sam.

484. - You can call me Samantha...

485. If you wanna.

486. - Samantha, so do you wanna

487. do something Friday night?

488. - Yes. Yes, I would.

489. - Cool.

490. I'll text you.

491. - I'll text you back.

492. - Late.

493. - Bye.

494. - He asked you out.

495. I heard.

496. - Let's go pick out

497. your outfit.

498. Okay.

499. Wait, Sam. One sec.

500. You know, I owe this all to you.

501. You are doing an awesome job

502. with me.

503. - Hey, Veronica. Whoo.

504. - Hey, you're wearing your tux.

505. - Uh-huh.

506. - But we're going jogging.

507. - Yeah, I'm gonna jog

508. in my tux.

509. You know, a little tux jogging.

510. - Okay, what's going on?

511. Why won't you take off that tux?

512. - Okay, honestly, you only

513. like me when I'm wearing it.

514. - That's insane.

515. - You and I

516. have never clicked once

517. unless I was wearing this.

518. - I like you for you,

519. not your tuxedo.

520. - I don't know

521. if I believe you yet.

522. Okay, I'll go change.

523. Sorry, tuxie,

524. I gotta take you off now.

525. Well, a man's gotta do

526. what a man's gotta do.

527. Why don't I go change?

528. - Why don't you?

529. - Good call.

530. - And last night,

531. Pete took me for a walk

532. in the park

533. and it was so romantic.

534. And we saw

535. this really big hornet's nest,

536. and I didn't throw a rock at it

537. or anything.

538. - Amazing.

539. - See? I am so proud of you.

540. You wanted to change,

541. and you did.

542. - Get out of my way.

543. I'm in a bad mood.

544. Move!

545. - That girl is a lunatic.

546. - I just hope

547. she doesn't get hungry

548. and eat the soccer team.

549. - What are you clowns

550. laughing at?

551. - Oh, we weren't laughing.

552. - Totally not laughing.

553. - I was laughing.

554. - Yeah? Then how about

555. shutting your mouth before I

556. shut it for you?

557. - Look,

558. I don't want any trouble.

559. - I do.

560. - Ohh, this is gonna get fighty.

561. - Real fighty, real fast.

562. - Listen, I know I've changed

563. and everything, but how bad

564. would it be if just for a

565. second,

566. I rip her head off her body?

567. - You're a better person

568. than she is.

569. You don't have to sink

570. to her level.

571. - Nice girls don't fight.

572. I like your shoes.

573. Oh! Oh! Oh!

574. Wow, my tongue is so dry.

575. Ahh. Thanks.

576. - What happened?

577. We only ran four blocks.

578. - I just—I'll be all right.

579. - Oh, no, you look like

580. you're about to pass out.

581. - No, no.

582. I just—ohh, I need some—

583. That's not water!

584. - What is it?

585. - I don't know.

586. - Here.

587. You gotta take this off.

588. - No, no. No, please.

589. Leave me be, leave me be.

590. - You're wearing the tux?

591. - Oh, that's weird.

592. - You know what?

593. This isn't gonna work out.

594. - But you love me in the tux.

595. Lookit!

596. Look at me!

597. Don't go. Please, don't—

598. I'm so nicely dressed.

599. Okay, fine, that's it.

600. We are over.

601. - You do look cute in that tux.

602. - I know.

603. - So what time is Pete

604. meeting you here?

605. - 8:15.

606. - Tell him where

607. you're having dinner.

608. - On his uncle's boat.

609. - Nice.

610. - I know.

611. I love boat food.

612. - Uh-oh.

613. Here comes big sweaty trouble.

614. - Hey, look here.

615. We got the whole iCarly gang.

616. Two ballerinas

617. and their tech stooge.

618. - She called me a tech stooge.

619. - Ooh, fries.

620. - Um, those are our fries.

621. - Oh, right. Sorry.

622. Here. You keep 'em.

623. - Sam, don't.

624. This date tonight

625. is really important to you

626. and I'm not gonna let you

627. ruin it by getting in a fight.

628. Let me handle this.

629. Look.

630. I know the only reason

631. you act like this

632. is 'cause you're insecure,

633. but that doesn't make it okay

634. for you to—

635. - Sam?

636. - Yeah?

637. - Rip her head off.

638. - Rip my head off?

639. I'd love to see her try—

640. - Is that all you got?

641. Tap out. Tap out.

642. Get out of here!

643. - Out!

644. You all right?

645. Yeah, but, uh...

646. - Hey.

647. - Hi.

648. - Did you see what just...

649. - Yeah.

650. - Oh.

651. - You were, like, awesome.

652. - Seriously?

653. - Yeah.

654. - But I thought you asked

655. me out 'cause I was all—

656. - Dude, I don't wanna date

657. some daffodil.

658. - You don't?

659. - No, man.

660. I want a girl who can kiss good

661. and snap a bone

662. when she needs to.

663. - Then I'm your girl.

664. One sec.

665. It's actually

666. a pretty good place

667. to keep french fries.

668. - Go to iCarly.com.

669. - Wait, who let you guys in my

670. room?

671. - Why aren't you on iCarly.com?

672. - 'Cause I don't have my laptop.

673. has special videos!

674. - Awesome pics!

675. - Blogs!

676. - The highlights

677. from the web show!

678. - I know, I'm part of

679. iCarly.com!

680. - You are?

681. - You're lucky.

682. - Then you should go to

683. iCarly.com!

684. - Dude, what is going on?

685. - You're having a nightmare!

686. - Still?

687. - Yeah!

688. Mmm!