iCarly 2x13

Directed by Adam Weissman

Lucas Cruikshank as Fred Figglehorn • Justin Dray as Devin • Steven Hack as Mr. Feldon • Maray Ayres as J'Mam-Maw • Michaela Carrozzo as 9th Grader #1

When Freddie offends an international internet sensation, Fred, he gets crushed and says to all of his fans that he will not make any more Fred videos. Carly, Sam, and Freddie soon start losing friends and acquaintances that are fans of Fred, and everybody in Ridgeway Jr High hates the iCarly group and Freddie is banned from all clubs. Then meet Lucas, Fred's creator and portrayer, in his home in Idaho for Freddie to forgive him about the Fred videos comment. Lucas later apologizes because he wasn't really mad, it was so Fred and iCarly had more ratings. At the end they apologize live in the iCarly webshow and presented a new Fred video with Carly, Sam, Feddie and Spencer guest starring as themselves with high-pitched voices like Fred. Meanwhile Spencer puts a Magic Eight Ball-like toy (called a "Magic Meatball") in control of his life, with disastrous results.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - Okay, next, Sam will add

2. two cups of chopped chicken.

3. - Ah.

4. - Oh, yeah.

5. - Yeah. There it goes.

6. And finally, the noodles. Oh.

7. - And then, you just stir until

8. it's all evenly mixed.

9. - And that's how you make—

10. - In the toilet, yo.

11. Yeah.

12. Oh, yes.

13. And now, next on iCarly—

14. - We're gonna do

15. something totally new.

16. - There's a girl named Kathy

17. right outside in the hall.

18. - She goes to our school

19. and we invited her to be

20. on the show tonight.

21. - Now, Kathy thinks she's here

22. to play a new iCarly game—

23. - But we're actually gonna pull

24. a mind-blowing

25. practical joke on her.

26. Gibby, get out here

27. and get under the table.

28. Yeah, Gibby. Woo.

29. Hey. Yeah. Yeah.

30. - And now, please welcome

31. our friend...

32. - Thanks for being on the show.

33. - Sure. So, what am I gonna do?

34. - You, ma'am, are gonna play

35. a new game called—

36. - Okay, Kathy,

37. see this big bowl

38. of raspberries here?

39. Yep.

40. - Your job is to sniff

41. those raspberries.

42. - You must inhale deeply.

43. - Then, you tell us three words

44. to describe exactly

45. how they smell.

46. - Got it?

47. - Oh, yeah, I guess.

48. - Cool.

49. Ten seconds on the clock.

50. And now—

51. - Woo.

52. Sorry, Kathy.

53. Oh, yeah.

54. Okay, bye, Kathy.

55. - Yeah, thanks.

56. You're awesome. Bye.

57. Run along, now.

58. Just keep scurrying.

59. Thank you.

60. There you go.

61. Okay, that wraps it up

62. for this iCarly.

63. - 'Til next time.

64. - Keep your feet on the ground.

65. - And your soup in the toilet.

66. - Courage.

67. Woo.

68. - And we're clear.

69. - Yeah.

70. - Yeah.

71. Woo.

72. Good show, guys.

73. - Hey, how'd the show go?

74. - Awesome.

75. - Rocked.

76. - Good, now, who wants to go out

77. for dinner and break in

78. my fancy new credit card?

79. - Why did you get a new one?

80. - Because, you know,

81. how I haven't been sleeping well

82. 'cause of my stiff neck?

83. - Yeah.

84. - Well, I tried to order

85. two new special pillows online,

86. but the pillow company

87. declined my credit card,

88. so I called my credit card

89. company to complain.

90. - How long does this story

91. go on?

92. - It gets better.

93. Then I got in a phone fight

94. with the customer service lady,

95. so I told her: "Nertz to you",

96. and then I canceled

97. that credit card—

98. - It's not getting better.

99. —and then,

100. I ordered this new one

101. so that I could buy the pillows,

102. and look, my new card has

103. a hologram on it, see?

104. Happy bunny, sad bunny,

105. happy bunny, sad bunny—

106. - Okay. Let's go.

107. The bunny

108. has conflicting emotions.

109. In five,

110. four, three, two—

111. - Come in, Freddie.

112. - Why?

113. - I'm turning myself in circles

114. without touching my feet

115. to the floor.

116. - Again, why?

117. - 'Cause I was bored.

118. Hey, how many people

119. watched iCarly last night?

120. - I don't know. I'll check.

121. - You know, I bet this is really

122. good for your butt muscles.

123. Wait, do butts have muscles?

124. Yeah, I think they do.

125. - Okay, that's weird.

126. - What's weird?

127. Oh. What's up?

128. Well, I'm tryin'

129. to log in to our iCarly account,

130. but it won't let me.

131. Did you change our password?

132. - No, it should still be

133. "Samlovesham".

134. - Okay, wait.

135. Now it's not even—no way.

136. - What?

137. - We don't own

138. - What? Yes, we do.

139. - No, look.

140. It says: "Unable to charge

141. renewal fee, account closed".

142. - No, it automatically charges

143. Spencer's credit card every—

144. Spencer canceled

145. that credit card.

146. - Oh, man. We lost iCarly.com.

147. - All right, all right,

148. just don't panic.

149. Just buy it back.

150. - Okay.

151. - Hurry.

152. - I am hurrying—

153. Someone else already bought it.

154. - Who?

155. - Somebody named Amanda Valdez.

156. - Amanda Valdez? Who's—

157. - There's a photo profile.

158. - Well, click it.

159. - I am. Here.

160. - Mandy. It's Mandy.

161. Our insane, biggest fan.

162. - Whoa, it is her.

163. - I know it's her.

164. Why would I say it's her

165. if it wasn't her?

166. Oh my God, it's her.

167. Mandy bought our URL.

168. - Okay, calm down.

169. At least it was bought

170. by someone we know.

171. - Yeah, someone we know

172. who's a lunatic,

173. who wears a duck mask.

174. Remember the "quack-quack,

175. quack-quack, quack-quack?".

176. - Hey, I stopped by the market

177. on my way home.

178. - iCarly's been hijacked

179. by a psychotic she-duck.

180. - Mexican sponges.

181. - Hey, have you guys seen Carly,

182. Sam, and/or Freddie,

183. the iCarly gang?

184. No? They called me here

185. for a meeting.

186. Yo, any of you have seen

187. Carly, Sam, and/or Freddie?

188. No? Your loss.

189. Excuse me, I'm looking—

190. aah! They're here, move.

191. Hey, you guys.

192. - Ow.

193. - Ow.

194. - Ow.

195. - Mandy. You got taller.

196. - And louder.

197. - And stronger.

198. - I know. I blossomed.

199. Let's sit.

200. Have you guys missed me?

201. Oh, I got a special hat.

202. Look it.

203. With this remote control, I can

204. click through a slide show.

205. These are screen grabs

206. from iCarly, see?

207. Oh, and here's me and my mom,

208. and here's me with my dad

209. before he left.

210. - That is quite a hat.

211. So, uh, Mandy—

212. - Yeah? What's up, Carls?

213. - Well, we wanted to thank you

214. when it expired.

215. - Uh-huh.

216. You really saved us there.

217. - I know, 'cause, like,

218. what if some freak bought it?

219. - Right.

220. - Exactly.

221. - So, if you'll just sign

222. this transfer document,

223. we'll get the URL back

224. and you won't have

225. to worry about it.

226. - Oh, no way.

227. back over to us?

228. Well, come on.

229. I mean, you guys almost lost it.

230. We can't let that

231. happen again, right?

232. - It won't happen again.

233. - It was just a screw-up

234. with Spencer's credit card.

235. - Whatever, I'll just hang on

236. to the URL, and I'll be like

237. you guys' manager.

238. - Manager?

239. - Cómo?

240. - Oh, good news.

241. I got a new and improved

242. duck mask.

243. Quack-quack, quack-quack,

244. quack-quack, quack-quack,

245. quack-quack.

246. Quack-quack. Quack-quack.

247. - Who's the duck?

248. - Our manager.

249. Quack-quack.

250. Man, she's weird.

251. Quack-quack.

252. Hey T-bo, where's my smoothie?

253. Quack-quack.

254. Coming.

255. Hey.

256. - Hi.

257. You order some pillows

258. from pillow-my-head.com?

259. - I did. Yes.

260. - Sign here.

261. - Sure.

262. I am so psyched to get these.

263. I read that their pillows

264. really support your head

265. and neck while you sleep.

266. - Yeah, that's pretty

267. interesting.

268. - So, where are my pillows?

269. - My partner's bringing them up.

270. - That's probably him.

271. Whoa, wait,

272. I just ordered two pillows.

273. - No, you ordered 200 pillows.

274. - Two-hundred?

275. What person

276. orders 200 pillows?

277. - You.

278. - No, I didn't.

279. - You signed for them.

280. - Yeah, but that was before—

281. No, no, no. No, no.

282. You need to take 198

283. of these pillows back.

284. - Hey. Watch it, man.

285. - Oh.

286. - Stop.

287. - Help me, Lou.

288. Please. Don't.

289. No, wait, no. No, no. No.

290. No. Get help. Please.

291. No.

292. And now on iCarly,

293. we'd like to present to you

294. another original play.

295. It's called:

296. The Cowboy with A Mustache

297. and the Idiot Farm Girl

298. Who Thought the Mustache

299. Was a Squirrel.

300. - Can I pet your squirrel?

301. - Uh, little lady,

302. this is no squirrel.

303. This here is a mustache.

304. - Does he like nuts?

305. - Nuts?

306. - Your squirrel.

307. Is he nutty for nuts?

308. - Dear, there's nary a squirrel

309. upon my face.

310. Once again, this is a mustache.

311. - What's his name?

312. - Whose name?

313. - Your squirrel's.

314. Is it a boy squirrel

315. or a girl squirrel?

316. - Well, now you surely

317. must be an idiot,

318. for there is not,

319. nor has there ever been,

320. a squirrel upon my lip.

321. - Is his name, like, George?

322. - My goodness, when I tell you—

323. - Hey, guys.

324. - Mandy, we're in the middle

325. of a show.

326. - I know, but I don't get it.

327. - You don't get what?

328. - You know, that's obviously

329. not a squirrel.

330. - Mandy—

331. - That's the joke.

332. - Um, you all remember Mandy.

333. - iCarly's biggest fan.

334. - Boo-yah.

335. - She bought our web address.

336. - So now she's our manager.

337. - Uh-oh, part of your real hair

338. is showing.

339. Here—

340. - What? No, Mandy, no.

341. - I'll go drop this

342. in the trash.

343. - Sam!

344. - I'm gonna kill her.

345. - Please join us

346. on the next iCarly.

347. - I'm gonna kill her.

348. - She's not gonna kill her.

349. Freddie, turn the camera off.

350. Bye.

351. - I'm gonna kill her.

352. Quack-quack.

353. - Freddie!

354. - We're clear.

355. - One for you, one for you,

356. one for you.

357. - Listen, Mandy.

358. You have been so—

359. helpful to our show.

360. Yeah,

361. you're an awesome manager.

362. - Hey.

363. You guys want some bagels?

364. - No, thanks.

365. - Buck a piece.

366. - We don't want any bagels.

367. - I'll sell you

368. the whole stick—$5.

369. - Bye.

370. - Anyway, Mandy, we'd just feel

371. more comfortable if—

372. back over to us.

373. - I already gave it back.

374. - When?

375. - After Freddie e-mailed me

376. last night begging for it.

377. Does my tongue have a sore

378. on it?

379. - I didn't e-mail you

380. last night.

381. - Sure you did.

382. You're Freddieb123

383. @splashface.com, right?

384. - No.

385. - Oh.

386. Well, then who'd I sign

387. the website over to?

388. I'm Carly. And I'm Sam.

389. Hello, former iCarly fans.

390. I'm Nevel Papperman.

391. Welcome to the new iCarly.com.

392. And now, Carly and Sam

393. are going to visit my underarms.

394. We can't breathe. Too bad.

395. - Hey, what's up,

396. Carly and friends?

397. - Nothing.

398. - Everything.

399. - Oh. Well, that's not vague.

400. What's the problem?

401. - What is the problem?

402. - You got tricked

403. - Papperman?

404. - Yeah.

405. And that little nub-munch

406. took our website down

407. and put up a puppet show

408. making fun of us.

409. - And he made

410. our puppet personas

411. sniff his pits.

412. - Man, why is that little jerk

413. always trying so hard

414. to mess with you guys?

415. Nice bird.

416. - Stop it.

417. - He's jealous.

418. - 'Cause iCarly

419. is just as popular as his

420. stupid Nevelocity site is.

421. - And he still hates me

422. 'cause I refused to kiss him.

423. - Why don't you go

424. check out Nevel's site

425. and see if he's sayin' bad stuff

426. about us on there.

427. - Hey, I know how we can get the

428. - You do?

429. - How?

430. Okay, first,

431. we're gonna need three zebras.

432. - That's it. Come here.

433. - Okay. Where are we going?

434. On an adventure? Whoa.

435. - Here, blow up this garbage bag

436. 'till it's full of air.

437. - Why?

438. - Wanna help us

439. get our site back or not?

440. - Of course.

441. - Then blow.

442. - On it.

443. - Okay, what is that?

444. - A super-cool

445. deep sea fishing rod.

446. I found it at the junkyard,

447. brought it home, lubed it up,

448. and it works great.

449. Yar, I've caught me

450. another pillow-fish.

451. - You've never fished before.

452. - 'Cause I never had a rod.

453. But now I do,

454. which gives my pillows purpose.

455. You know, I could reel in a fish

456. up to 300 pounds with this baby?

457. - I'm halfway there.

458. - This day is so weird.

459. - What's Nevel saying

460. on Nevelocity?

461. Nothing.

462. He's just promoting

463. another autograph-signing event

464. for his fans.

465. - He's so conceited.

466. - Where's he signing

467. autographs? When?

468. This weekend

469. at the Beverly Garvin Hotel.

470. - Why?

471. - What if we show up there

472. and trick Nevel

473. back over to us?

474. - How are we gonna trick Nevel?

475. - As soon as he saw us,

476. he'd know something was up.

477. - True.

478. - We could send Mandy.

479. - Or what about Spencer?

480. - Nah.

481. Nevel's seen Mandy and Spencer.

482. But Nevel hasn't seen

483. my great aunt Natalie.

484. - We don't have a great

485. aunt Natalie.

486. - What size dress do you wear?

487. - Ten, why?

488. - Nevel Papperman.

489. Thanks.

490. - That'll be $4.

491. Here you go.

492. - Thank you for your support.

493. - Pardon me.

494. Are you Nevel Paper-man?

495. - It's Papperman.

496. Oh, yes.

497. I do so enjoy your website.

498. But I never knew you were

499. such a handsome young boy.

500. - I blush.

501. - Well, hello.

502. You come here alone?

503. - Yes. Go away now.

504. Here, young man, if I could just

505. get your autograph, I'd be—

506. - Come on, baby.

507. Let's go get us

508. some chicken pot pie, huh.

509. - No, I don't care for pot pie.

510. Run along.

511. Now, if you could just

512. sign your name right here,

513. you'd make me

514. such a happy old woman.

515. Well, of course.

516. Now, who should I make it

517. out to?

518. Carly, Sam, or Freddie?

519. - I don't know those people.

520. - Really?

521. Now, now,

522. no need to unfold things.

523. - Oh, be quiet, Spencer.

524. You were just trying

525. to get me to sign this

526. URL transfer document.

527. - No, no.

528. I'm just a busty old woman.

529. - Spencer.

530. - You're not too old for me.

531. - Beat it, buddy.

532. - Oh my god. Security.

533. - Now you listen to me, Nevel.

534. You better give

535. my little sister

536. her website back

537. or I swear I will—

538. - You'll what?

539. - You don't wanna know

540. what I'll do.

541. - That's the one.

542. That's a man-lady.

543. - No, no.

544. I'm just a—I'm a

545. simple old lady from...

546. - Get him. Get him.

547. - I hate you.

548. - Well, tell us what happened.

549. - Nevel figured out it was you.

550. - And you got chased

551. by security guards.

552. - Okay, that's it.

553. - Where are you goin'?

554. - To get our website back.

555. - Look, why don't you just

556. put the wig back on,

557. and we can start all over.

558. - Carly Shay.

559. I had a feeling

560. I'd hear from you.

561. - We all want things.

562. - I mean it.

563. Carly, if you want

564. your precious website back,

565. all you need to do is ask.

566. Okay.

567. Can I have my website back?

568. - No.

569. - Nub.

570. - Don't be rude.

571. I'm just negotiating.

572. - What do you want?

573. - The same thing I wanted

574. the day we first met: a kiss.

575. A kiss is what I seek—

576. upon your lips—

577. no, not your cheek.

578. - Okay, first of all,

579. no one likes a rhymer.

580. - Very well.

581. If you refuse to kiss me,

582. I suppose I'll just have

583. and there—

584. - I'll do it.

585. - Whoa, what?

586. - I said I'll kiss you.

587. - You're trying to trick me.

588. I smell subterfuge.

589. No, Nevel,

590. I'm tired of playing games.

591. You want a kiss, fine,

592. I don't care.

593. I just want my website back.

594. - Oh, well, okay.

595. - Meet me in the alleyway

596. on the west side

597. of my apartment building.

598. Tonight. Eight o'clock.

599. - All right, but if you pull

600. any shenanigans—

601. - I won't.

602. - Then I'll see you at eight.

603. - I'll bring the URL

604. transfer document.

605. - And bring your sweet lips.

606. Get ready, Carly Shay,

607. for a real kiss,

608. from a real man.

609. Mother, run a bath!

610. Carly Shay.

611. You look lovely in low light.

612. - Um, thanks?

613. - It was a compliment.

614. - Whatever,

615. let's just get this over with.

616. Nay nay.

617. You will have

618. a pleasant attitude

619. when you kiss me

620. or the deal's off.

621. - Okay.

622. But you sign this first.

623. - No. You kiss me first.

624. - If I kiss you, how do I know

625. you'll sign it afterwards?

626. - You don't trust me.

627. Smart girl.

628. Hand me the document.

629. Here you are.

630. - Thanks.

631. - And before you try

632. to run away.

633. Raul? Alfonso?

634. - Friends of yours?

635. - More like insurance—

636. to make sure you don't try

637. to skip out on my kiss.

638. - You don't trust me? Smart boy.

639. - Yes. Now, first, this.

640. - No, first, this.

641. - Wait. What are you—

642. - Bye, Nevel.

643. Wheee!

644. - C'mon, Spencer. Reel faster.

645. - She's heavy!

646. - Quack-quack.

647. Come on, come on.

648. - I'm not very comfortable.

649. - All right, she can't go.

650. Hurry. Grab her.

651. - Come on.

652. Hold her. Hold her.

653. - Here we go. Okay.

654. Well?

655. - Did you get it?

656. - Shoosh yeah, I got it.

657. - Yeah.

658. - Wait, wait, wait.

659. Thanks, Nevel!

660. - You'll pay for this,

661. Carly Shay.

662. I declare

663. that you will rue this day.

664. You'll rue it!

665. - Give me the guacamole.

666. - Oh, yeah.

667. - Rue this, Nevel!

668. - What, what is she— oh no.

669. - So now, what should we do?

670. So we could go to the mall,

671. or if you guys are hungry

672. we could stop

673. by Inside Out Burger.

674. And oh, there's a new movie out

675. starring David Schwimmer.

676. He directed it, too.

677. It's a story about two men

678. who are opposites

679. but share the same dream—

680. Okay, I'll wait here

681. in the hallway.

682. - Guess what's happening

683. at iCarly.com.

684. - Do you realize

685. what's happening at iCarly.com?

686. - Tell them.

687. - I don't know.

688. - Well, guess.

689. - Guess?

690. - Yeah, guess what happens

691. if you go at iCarly.com.

692. - Uhm, can I win free food

693. at iCarly.com?

694. - No.

695. - Can I get go a hot boyfriend

696. at iCarly.com?

697. - No.

698. - Can I eliminate my enemies

699. at iCarly.com?

700. - Yes. Wait, no.

701. But you can see

702. tons of funny cool stuff

703. that you can't see anywhere

704. else.

705. - But I can see this

706. funny cool stuff at iCarly.com?

707. - Yes, you can.

708. - I love sugar!

709. - Random!

710. Mmm!