iCarly 2x12

Directed by Russ Reinsel

Noah Munck as Gibby Gibson • David Archuleta as David Archuleta • Alex Schemmer as Wade Collins • Shauntay Hinton as TV Reporter • Wes McGee as Brad Conway

The iCarly crew tells their viewers to vote for David Archuleta on America Sings, who is crowned the winner. Feeling guilty about swaying the votes, they invite the America Sings runner-up, Wade Collins onto their show. Meanwhile, Sam teaches Spencer how to lie so he can deceive a local video store.

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1. - And that proves that

2. the hammer is the wrong tool

3. to fix a desk lamp.

4. - Looks like Freddie's gonna be

5. doin' his homework in the dark.

6. Okay, next on "iCarly"--

7. - We're introducing

8. a new segment which we call...

9. - Tonight's episode...

10. - Since the dawn of time,

11. kids have wanted things.

12. - And parents have said no.

13. - Until one brave,

14. little cave girl

15. changed the world forever.

16. - Archeologists recently dug up

17. this—

18. prehistoric DVD.

19. - It shows the cave girl's

20. courageous story.

21. - Play it.

22. - No problem.

23. - Oonga?

24. Oonga-doonga?

25. - Oh, bwagga.

26. Bwagga-oonga?

27. Eh.

28. - Mom, Dad,

29. can I have a dinosaur?

30. - No, I'm sorry, baby.

31. - I'm afraid

32. you can't have a dinosaur.

33. Dinosaur! Dinosaur! Dinosaur!

34. - Honey, please stop!

35. - That's really inappropriate.

36. - Dinosaur! Dinosaur!

37. Dinosaur! Dinosaur!

38. - All right!

39. - You can have a dinosaur!

40. - Oonga.

41. - And thus—

42. —the tantrum was born.

43. - Okay, as you know, we've been

44. running a contest to find

45. the "iCarly" viewers

46. who look the most

47. like me, Sam, and Freddie.

48. - And tonight, we're gonna

49. show you our top three picks

50. for the best look-alikes

51. here in Seattle.

52. - So, I'm gonna stand

53. by this monitor.

54. - And Freddie will show us

55. a local girl who looks

56. a lot like Carly.

57. - Here comes

58. the Carly look-alike.

59. - Not a bad match.

60. - Okay, now you come stand here.

61. - Okey-doke.

62. - Freddie, let's see the girl

63. who looks the most like Sam.

64. - Here she comes.

65. - Pretty close.

66. - Yeah, she's good lookin'.

67. - Okay, Freddie, it's your turn.

68. Get over here.

69. - And now,

70. the Freddie look-alike.

71. - Hey, that guy does look

72. a lot like Freddie.

73. - Oh, wait,

74. I got the wrong pic.

75. Here.

76. There, now.

77. That dude looks like Freddie.

78. - Get him off the monitor.

79. - Okay, sorry.

80. Ooh, here's an exact match.

81. - Look, they're like twins.

82. - All right, that's it.

83. Would it kill you to just

84. show me a little bit of respect?

85. - You know what?

86. Honestly, you're gonna tell me—

87. - Stop!

88. - All right!

89. - We'll stop arguing.

90. - Oonga.

91. In five, four,

92. three, two—

93. - Hey, guys.

94. Great "iCarly" tonight.

95. - Thanks.

96. - Muy gracioso.

97. I'm gonna check our feedback.

98. - Good idea.

99. I'm gonna check the fridge.

100. - What's this for?

101. New sculpture?

102. - Yes. And don't ask what it is

103. 'cause it's a surprise.

104. What is wrong

105. with my purple paint?

106. - No way.

107. - What?

108. - I was just checking

109. our feedback, and look who wrote

110. us. Kevin Colt.

111. - You mean the Kevin Colt

112. who I've never heard of?

113. - Uh, you've heard of his dad.

114. - Who's his dad?

115. - Jackson Colt.

116. - Get out.

117. Don't you lie to Mama.

118. - Who's Jackson Colt?

119. What?

120. - And why the simultaneous

121. "What"?

122. - Jackson Colt's like one of

123. the top ten fighters in the MMA.

124. - Oh, yeah,

125. I've heard of that guy.

126. What did his son say?

127. - Uh, that his dad is fighting

128. in Seattle this weekend—

129. - Move.

130. - Whoa. Oh.

131. - Whoa, Kevin says he's

132. a big fan of ours

133. and wants to come meet us.

134. - Cool. Hey, we should ask him

135. if we can interview his dad

136. for "iCarly."

137. - Oh, that's brilliant.

138. - Hey, Freddie, bring me

139. that screwdriver, would you?

140. I think the nozzle on this

141. paint can is jammed.

142. - Sure.

143. - Thanks.

144. - That can is pressurized.

145. Be careful.

146. - Yuh-huhhh.

147. - I have to meet Jackson Colt.

148. He's got this one move called

149. the shoulder crunch,

150. and I need to learn

151. how to do it!

152. - Yeah, I bet he can teach you

153. all kinds of new ways

154. to hurt people.

155. - I know!

156. - Man, if we get to interview

157. Jackson Colt on "iCarly,"

158. it'll be the coolest thing we—

159. Ah!

160. Could someone bring me a tissue?

161. - Hey, Freddie, hold this.

162. - Uh...

163. - I took it out of

164. Carter Ford's locker.

165. - Why did you steal

166. Carter's basketball?

167. - 'Cause I think he's cute.

168. - Well, you're gonna think

169. this e-mail is a lot cuter.

170. - What?

171. "Grow hair anytime, anywhere?"

172. - Ugh. Oh, there.

173. - Kevin got us tickets

174. to the MMA fight!

175. Yeah.

176. - And we get to hang out with

177. him and his dad backstage! We're

178. gonna meet Jackson Colt!

179. - And Kevin said we get to

180. interview him for "iCarly."

181. - Ah, this is perfect!

182. We do a little interview,

183. we eat some nachos,

184. we watch huge dudes punch

185. each other in the face.

186. - Excuse me. Who's punching who

187. in the face?

188. - Mom, what are you doing here?

189. - You forgot your ointment.

190. - Mom!

191. It stopped itching.

192. - Itches can come back.

193. - Please let his itch come back.

194. - Who's fighting?

195. - Look, it's no big deal.

196. We're gonna do "iCarly"

197. from an MMA fight.

198. - Mixed martial arts?

199. Oh, no.

200. My Freddie's not going anywhere

201. near one of those brutal fights.

202. - Ugh, why you always

203. gotta irritate everybody?

204. - Come on, Mom. They can't

205. do the show without me.

206. - You've never even seen

207. an MMA fight.

208. - I don't have to.

209. I know that exposure

210. to violence is very bad

211. for a teenage boy's development.

212. - Says who?

213. - I read it on

214. aggressiveparenting.com!

215. - Why'd you take my ball?

216. - What?

217. Oh, no, I didn't—ow.

218. - That's for stealin' my ball.

219. - Excuse me. I happen

220. to be his mother.

221. Ah!

222. - And that's for giving

223. birth to him.

224. Ow!

225. - Hey, Spencer.

226. - Hey, kiddo.

227. Oh, Sam and Freddie are here.

228. - When aren't they here?

229. - Good point.

230. - So true.

231. - Oh, I brought you a present

232. from the Groovy Smoothie.

233. - Please be a smoothie.

234. - It's a smoothie.

235. - Yay!

236. Awesome. Thanks.

237. - Okay, what is this sculpture?

238. - It's a gigantic version

239. of Newton balls.

240. - Newton balls?

241. - Here, watch.

242. Look at that, huh?

243. Sir Isaac Newton theorized

244. the behavior of a pendulum

245. follows from the conservation

246. of momentum and kinetic energy

247. only in the case of two

248. pendulums.

249. But, in a case where you have—

250. where did you go?

251. - We got bored.

252. You guys, we have to do

253. "iCarly" from that MMA fight.

254. - My mom won't let me go.

255. - Yeah, no offense, Freddie,

256. but your mom is horrible.

257. - How could I be offended

258. by that?

259. - Can we just try to

260. figure something out?

261. - What if Freddie's mom had

262. a little...

263. accident?

264. - What?

265. - My uncle Carmine?

266. - We're not paying

267. your uncle Carmine

268. to hurt Freddie's mom.

269. - Well, he's not gonna

270. do it for free!

271. - Hey, why don't we get

272. Spencer to talk to her?

273. - Hey, can you do us a favor?

274. - Sure, whatcha need?

275. - We wanna do an interview

276. for "iCarly" backstage

277. at a mixed martial arts fight.

278. - And Freddie's freakish mother

279. won't let him go.

280. - What do you say about her

281. when I'm not in the room?

282. - Will you just talk to

283. Mrs. Benson

284. and try to change her mind?

285. - I don't know if that's

286. such a good idea.

287. - Come on. The worst she can do

288. is say no.

289. - Right, but—okay, you're not

290. gonna love hearing this,

291. but I kind of agree with her.

292. - Huh?

293. - I don't want you going

294. to that fight either.

295. You're kidding, right?

296. - No, I'm serious.

297. - Spencer!

298. - Look.

299. I've seen those MMA fights.

300. They can get really rough.

301. I don't think it's a place

302. for kids.

303. - Okay, when did you suddenly

304. turn uncool?

305. - Uh, when did you turn into

306. a little baby who yells at me

307. the first time she doesn't

308. get what she wants?

309. - Right when you stopped

310. giving me what I want!

311. - Uh, we're gonna—

312. —go.

313. - No, it's fine.

314. We're just having a discussion.

315. And I'm going to that fight!

316. - No, you're not.

317. Look, I'm sorry you're upset,

318. but I'm in charge here.

319. You're the kid,

320. and I'm the adult.

321. You give me that back right now!

322. - No, I bought it!

323. - You gave it to me

324. as a present!

325. - Let me go to that MMA fight!

326. - You're not going to that

327. fight!

328. - You're not getting this

329. smoothie back!

330. - Don't be such a big baby!

331. - I can't believe you're trying

332. to ruin this for me!

333. - It's my job to keep you safe!

334. - You don't deserve

335. this smoothie!

336. - Give me that smoothie

337. back right now!

338. Don't touch my Newton balls!

339. Ah!

340. - I don't know

341. if we should do this.

342. Should we do this? I don't know

343. if we should do this.

344. - We should, and we are.

345. - Well, what if it doesn't work?

346. - It's gonna work.

347. What's Kevin sayin'?

348. - He and his dad just got there.

349. The fights don't start for

350. another hour and a half.

351. - Awesome.

352. Tonight is gonna be insane.

353. - You know I've never

354. snuck out before.

355. Not once in my whole life.

356. - I have... once.

357. - Really?

358. - What happened?

359. - I walked out the front door

360. of the building, saw a hobo,

361. ran back inside.

362. - You are one crazy motorboat,

363. kid.

364. - Are you guys sure

365. we should do this?

366. - Yes, our plan is fool-proof.

367. - Unless it doesn't work.

368. - It's gonna work.

369. - How can you be so sure?

370. Like, what if—

371. We're ready!

372. - This is totally gonna work.

373. - Wow.

374. This is kind of amazing.

375. - Yeah. Not exactly clones,

376. but close.

377. - Uh-huh. I'd say we are

378. a pretty good match.

379. - Totally.

380. - Hey, when did Freddie

381. start looking so hot?

382. - Okay. This chick is

383. nothing like me.

384. - Oh, come on.

385. You guys could be sisters.

386. - You ever been arrested?

387. - No.

388. - We cannot be related.

389. - Hey, we should leave soon.

390. - Yeah.

391. Okay. This is the plan.

392. We're gonna sneak out of here

393. and go to the MMA fight.

394. - Eww. Fighting's so icky.

395. - Oy, how can we look alike?

396. - Wait. I thought you guys

397. invited us here

398. to be on "iCarly"?

399. - Yeah. I mean, that's what

400. Sam said in her e-mail.

401. - Uh-huh.

402. - Sam!

403. - Why'd you tell them that?

404. - 'Cause I thought they might

405. not come

406. if I told them they were just

407. gonna be locked in a room

408. all night with nothing to do.

409. You can't blame me.

410. - Lock me in a room—

411. - Wait a second!

412. Hold on, hold on, hold on!

413. - All right. We just need

414. you guys to stay here

415. for the night

416. and pretend to be us.

417. - Just in case my mom or

418. Carly's brother comes up here.

419. - And what's in it for us?

420. - Uh... 20 bucks apiece?

421. - Fifty.

422. - Sure. Now she's like me.

423. - Fine, 50 each.

424. - Okay. And what are

425. we supposed to do?

426. - Just stay up here

427. with the door locked.

428. - Freddie's gonna fix

429. the elevator

430. when we get downstairs so it

431. won't open on this floor.

432. - Now, if my brother, Spencer,

433. comes up, here's what you do.

434. Freddie?

435. - This way, please.

436. Okay. We have recorded

437. 200 probable responses

438. to anything Spencer might say.

439. So you just scroll up and down

440. this list

441. and click on

442. any of these phrases.

443. - Just show 'em.

444. - All right.

445. Pretend you're Spencer

446. and ask me a question.

447. - Uh, you guys

448. wanna order a pizza?

449. - Okay. Um...

450. No, thanks. We're good.

451. - Nice.

452. - Cool.

453. - All right.

454. Now, give me a harder one.

455. - "Hey, Freddie, it's me,

456. Spencer.

457. Can I borrow your ointment?"

458. Sorry, this isn't

459. a good time,

460. but thanks for asking.

461. See? Oh, and here's

462. a Sam response that works

463. for almost any question.

464. I don't know. Just bring

465. me a bucket of fried chicken.

466. - Okay. We gotta leave.

467. We're really

468. counting on you guys.

469. - No worries.

470. - No problem.

471. - Hey, what's this one?

472. Test, one, two,

473. check, check.

474. I love you, Carly.

475. Love you. Love—

476. - I was checking the mic!

477. Come on.

478. - Wait. No, I—

479. - Don't touch it.

480. Don't touch it.

481. I love you, Carly.

482. Love you. Love—

483. - Whoa, this place is intense.

484. - Yeah.

485. These guys are like superhuman.

486. You realize that most of 'em

487. could kill Freddie

488. with one punch?

489. - Are you still seeing that

490. teen therapist every week

491. to discuss your issues?

492. - Yeah, why?

493. - It's not working.

494. - Just 'cause these fighters

495. are all big and tough

496. doesn't mean they're

497. not regular people.

498. Hi, where'd you get the sushi?

499. - This ain't sushi.

500. - Hi. I'm Dr. Doty.

501. - Hey, can you sew

502. my ear back on?

503. - Sure.

504. - Hey, Jackson Colt!

505. - Hey, "iCarly."

506. - Hi.

507. - What's up?

508. - You're Kevin?

509. - That's me.

510. - Thanks so much

511. for letting us come.

512. - Yeah.

513. - This is awesome.

514. - Thanks.

515. I'm a huge fan of "iCarly."

516. So is my dad.

517. - Really?

518. - Seriously?

519. - No way.

520. - Oh, yeah. Random dancing.

521. You girls kill me.

522. - Wow, that is so nice.

523. He's so nice.

524. - Um, I'm sorry, Mr. Colt, but

525. they were out of the meatloaf,

526. so I got you the fish.

527. - Ahh!

528. - So, you ready

529. to do the interview?

530. - Oh, yeah.

531. - Ah!

532. - I love this guy.

533. I want everyone to—

534. - Carly!

535. Carly!

536. - Sam! Freddie!

537. - Come on, you guys.

538. - Come on. I know you guys

539. are mad I wouldn't let you

540. go to the fight, but you don't

541. have to lock the door.

542. - Quick, click on a response.

543. - I'm looking for the right one.

544. - Hurry!

545. - Guys, I'm sorry you couldn't

546. go to the fight.

547. But come on,

548. I made some cubed fruit.

549. Sorry, what did you say?

550. - I said I made

551. some cubed fruit!

552. - Uh...

553. No, thanks. We don't

554. want any cubed fruit.

555. - All right.

556. Well, I got

557. some kung fu movies.

558. You guys wanna

559. watch them with me? Aah!

560. I'll call

561. granddad back later.

562. - Okay!

563. I didn't know granddad called!

564. Do you guys wanna watch

565. the movies with me?

566. You're so funny.

567. - Thanks.

568. It wasn't a joke really. It's

569. more of a straightforward

570. question.

571. If you guys are still mad,

572. I, you know—

573. Just leave

574. the package out there.

575. - Package? What pack—

576. Are you guys messing with me?

577. Okay. See you.

578. Bye.

579. I don't know. Just bring

580. me a bucket of fried chicken.

581. - Alright. If you guys

582. are mad at me,

583. you could tell me to my face

584. instead of—

585. Holy similar!

586. - Okay. Who—what are—wait.

587. - Okay. And... 23 inches.

588. Sam?

589. - Twenty-one inches.

590. - Okay, "iCarly" fans,

591. that proves it.

592. Jackson Colt's bicep is

593. bigger than Sam's head.

594. - Oh, yeah.

595. - Hey!

596. Uh-oh.

597. - Yeah, uh-oh.

598. Are you crazy?

599. - I told them

600. we should stay home tonight.

601. - Sam.

602. - Hey, we're doing

603. an interview for "iCarly."

604. - No, the interview is over.

605. Freddie, turn off the camera.

606. - But we're live.

607. - Spencer—

608. - You just be quiet.

609. - Hey!

610. Don't talk to the little girl

611. that way.

612. - I happened to be her—

613. - I don't care who you are!

614. - Whoa.

615. Whoa. Look at your hand.

616. That is the beefiest hand

617. I've ever seen.

618. Look at it.

619. It's like a baseball mitt.

620. Spencer.

621. - Oh, now you're making

622. fun of my hand.

623. - All right. Don't try

624. to intimidate me.

625. I am a citizen of Seattle,

626. and I'm taking these kids

627. home right now because I told

628. them—oh, God, I'm afraid.

629. - Wait, don't—

630. - We'll be right back.

631. - Okay.

632. Just bring him right in here.

633. - Where do you want him?

634. - Just put him on that couch.

635. - Sure beans.

636. - Spencer!

637. - Okay.

638. Uh... I'll get the legs.

639. - What has he been eating?

640. - Yeah.

641. There we go.

642. - Right. Right.

643. Ugh!

644. Get his legs off me.

645. - There.

646. - Thanks.

647. - Yeah, and again,

648. I'm really sorry.

649. I didn't know he's your brother.

650. - Hey, don't worry about it.

651. - Are you sure

652. he's gonna be okay?

653. - Oh, yeah.

654. I didn't throw him hard enough

655. to kill him or nothing.

656. - I know he'll appreciate that.

657. - Yeah.

658. - Hey, should we

659. go finish the show?

660. You know, tell all

661. the "iCarly" fans

662. that Spencer's okay?

663. - Yeah, we probably should.

664. - Hey!

665. - You guys going up

666. to do "iCarly"?

667. - Yeah.

668. - Why?

669. - I was just thinking.

670. Maybe I—

671. me and the biceps could—

672. - And here it is one more time

673. in slow motion.

674. - Whoa!

675. - Yep, that was Carly's brother

676. airborne.

677. - But no worries. The doctor

678. said Spencer's gonna regain

679. consciousness any minute.

680. - Okay. Before we go—

681. - Uh-oh, looks like

682. it's time for—

683. Random dancing!

684. With Jackson Colt.

685. - Ha, the bra.

686. Oooh, it's Jackson Colt.

687. - And now, it's fake us.

688. - Oh, I mean it, Carly.

689. You're grounded

690. for two—two weeks.

691. - Why is Jackson Colt

692. dancing with a bra?

693. - Okay, ready?

694. - Go.

695. - What do you do if your foot

696. catches on fire?

697. - Go to iCarly.com.

698. - Correct.

699. What if a bear swallows

700. your little brother?

701. - Go to iCarly.com.

702. - Yes.

703. What do you if you can't

704. find your pants?

705. - Go to iCarly.com.

706. - Good girl.

707. What do you do if a bear

708. catches on fire, then swallows

709. your pants?

710. - Go to iCarly.com.

711. - Exactly.

712. What do you if—

713. - Go to iCarly.com.

714. - How'd you know?

715. - Had a feeling.

716. - Mm. Wanna get

717. some chicken wings?

718. - Yep.

719. Mm.