1. - And that totally proves—
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2. —that neither me nor
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3. Sam can play the guitar.
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4. Okay, now it's time for
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5. a brand-new segment
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6. here on iCarly.
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7. - Which we call—
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8. The Blab Cam!
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9. - Actually, it's really called
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10. two-way high-speed
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11. video confer—
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12. - Well, we're clalling it The
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13. Blab Cam, so get used to it.
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14. - Freddie, let's
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15. talk to someone.
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16. - Okay, we got a bunch
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17. of people waiting here.
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18. Uh... ooh!
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19. Here's a guy all
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20. the way from Poland.
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21. - What's up?
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22. - Hey, Poland.
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23. Uh...
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24. - So take that, Poland.
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25. - Now let's try some
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26. viewers from this country.
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27. - Okay, uh...
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28. here's a girl named
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29. Valerie from Seattle.
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30. - Hi, there.
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31. - What's up, girl?
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32. - Hey, you guys.
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33. My name's Valerie—
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34. long-time viewer,
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35. first time Blab Camer.
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36. I just love iCarly.
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37. Awesome!
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38. - Thanks a lot.
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39. - Um, you look kind of familiar.
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40. Have we seen you before?
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41. - Yeah, I go to
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42. school with you guys.
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43. I'm just one grade ahead of you.
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44. Hey, is Freddie there?
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45. Can I see him?
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46. - Why would a person
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47. want to see Freddie?
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48. - Right here, Valerie.
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49. - Alright, can I just say I
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50. think you're insanely cute?
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51. Yeah?
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52. - Uh Valerie, you might want to
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53. check your webcam and your
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54. brain,
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55. 'cause I'm pretty sure one
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56. of 'em's malfunctioning.
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57. - Sam! Hey, Valerie, since
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58. you think Freddie's cute,
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59. why don't you go
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60. on a date with him?
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61. - Yeah, it's a new
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62. feature on iCarly,
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63. which we call Date the Dork.
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64. What do you say, Val?
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65. - Well, I don't think
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66. Freddie's a dork,
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67. and I'd love to go
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68. on a date with him.
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69. - You won't be jealous?
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70. - I'll try to be strong.
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71. - Yes!
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72. - Okay, Valerie.
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73. Just email Freddie the address
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74. of the mental institution
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75. you're locked up in
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76. and he'll meet you there.
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77. In five,
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78. four, three, two—
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79. - So, you're gonna kiss her?
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80. - I'm not even sure I
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81. should take her out.
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82. - You should take the
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83. girl out, kiss her,
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84. then step back before she pukes.
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85. - I got it.
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86. - Freddie!
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87. - Uh, come in?
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88. - Mom, what are you doing—
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89. - I'm so proud of you.
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90. I can't believe it's
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91. finally happening.
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92. Your first date.
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93. - Mom!
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94. - And with a girl!
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95. - Mom!
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96. - We're all in shock.
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97. - How did you know?
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98. - I was watching iCarly online.
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99. - I didn't know you
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100. watched our show.
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101. - I always watch because I've
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102. been worried about your posture.
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103. It seems somebody
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104. forgot our little rule.
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105. - What rule?
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106. - Just skip it, alright?
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107. - Freddie, tell her the rule
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108. about standing up straight.
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109. You won't get respect
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110. if your back's not erect.
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111. - Oh, and I already have
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112. the perfect outfit
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113. for you to wear on the date.
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114. - I'm not even sure if
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115. I'm going on this date.
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116. Yes, you are.
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117. You're going.
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118. But what if she's
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119. not a—
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120. - There is a living,
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121. breathing girl out there
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122. who wants to go out with you.
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123. This may never happen again.
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124. Unless...
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125. Carly changes her mind.
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126. - Uh, yeah, Freddie
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127. and I are just friends.
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128. - I totally understand.
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129. - Thank you.
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130. - Why won't you love my son?
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131. - Mom!
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132. - I'm sorry.
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133. Anyway, I already have the
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134. whole date planned out.
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135. - First, I'm gonna cook
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136. a lovely fat-free dinner,
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137. and then we're gonna look
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138. at your baby pictures.
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139. Freddie had the
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140. cutest little bottom.
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141. - Okay, I'll give you $1,000 for
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142. one picture of Freddie's butt.
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143. - Uh, Mrs. Benson?
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144. We already told Freddie he
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145. could have his date here.
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146. - Why here?
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147. - Uh...
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148. 'cause my brother's
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149. an amazing cook?
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150. - Yeah, and he promised
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151. to make us his special...
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152. - Spaghetti tacos.
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153. What? Noodles can't live happily
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154. in a hard corn shell?
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155. - Mom, will you stop it?
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156. - But I'm not done
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157. fluffing your hair!
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158. - Yes, you are!
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159. - How many times have I told you
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160. not to yank electrical cords?
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161. - Mom, I don't need you to—
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162. - I'm gonna go plug this back
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163. in, and when I come back,
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164. that hair will be fluffed.
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165. - Hurry!
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166. There, alright!
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167. Now, when Valerie gets here,
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168. I need you—
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169. - Bye, Mom!
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170. - Okay, what up
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171. with that outfit?
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172. - Ugh, my mom made me go
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173. shopping at the Wild Wild Vest.
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174. You got my backup clothes?
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175. - Upstairs. Help me.
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176. - Hey, Spence?
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177. Can I talk to you
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178. seriously for a sec?
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179. - Need a little
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180. first date advice?
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181. - Couldn't hurt.
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182. I'm a little nervous.
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183. - Just be yourself.
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184. Talk about stuff you like.
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185. - And if I run out
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186. of things to say?
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187. - Then just stare into
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188. her eyes and say nothing.
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189. That'll make you seem
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190. all cool and mysterious.
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191. She'll be, like, hypnotized.
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192. - Yeah, I don't really think
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193. that works, 'cause, I mean,
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194. if I don't say anything,
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195. won't she think I'm...
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196. Won't she think I'm...
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197. Won't she just...
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198. - What doesn't really work?
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199. - Alright, we got the clothes.
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200. - Good, I'll go
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201. change in the, uh—
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202. - It's Valerie!
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203. - Uh, Sam, stall her!
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204. Freddie, take off
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205. the stupid clothes.
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206. - Hey, Valerie, how goes it?
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207. - I'm great.
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208. Is Freddie here?
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209. 'Cause I've been thinking—
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210. - I said to stall her.
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211. - She is.
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212. I slammed the door
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213. right in her face.
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214. - Alright, okay.
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215. I'm fine.
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216. I am good.
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217. My jacket—
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218. - There you go.
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219. - Alright. I'm okay.
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220. Alright, how do I look?
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221. - Well—
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222. - Sam.
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223. You look great.
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224. Just, uh, here.
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225. Okay, there.
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226. - Alright, fine!
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227. My hair's fine!
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228. - Fine, thank you!
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229. - Come on, let's go upstairs.
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230. - But why?
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231. But I just really
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232. wanna— oh, okay!
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233. - Hi.
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234. - You're not gonna slam the
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235. door in my face, are you?
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236. - Of course not.
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237. Come on in.
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238. - Thanks.
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239. So this is really where
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240. you guys do iCarly from?
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241. - This is the place.
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242. I live across the hall there.
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243. Mr. Freddie, Miss Valerie,
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244. I will be your
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245. server this evening.
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246. May I take your fuchsia jacket?
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247. - Sure.
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248. - And how about some music?
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249. - Great.
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250. - Awesome.
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251. - Perhaps another selection...
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252. at a lower volume.
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253. - Now let's see if I
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254. can figure this out.
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255. - What are you trying to—
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256. - And this should
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257. give us picture.
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258. - How do you—
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259. - I set up one of Freddie's
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260. little webcams
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261. and aimed it at the table.
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262. - But that's spying.
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263. We can't spy on Freddie
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264. while he's on his first date.
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265. - This is a really
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266. good spaghetti taco.
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267. - We're bad people.
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268. - So the rabbi
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269. says to the nurse,
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270. "Why even have a three-chip,
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271. hi-def camcorder
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272. if you can't calibrate
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273. the white balance?"
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274. - You know, I have never
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275. met anyone who's so funny
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276. and who knows so much
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277. about audio and video.
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278. - Hey, nobody knows audio
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279. and video like Freddie-o.
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280. - Would you care to
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281. see a dessert menu?
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282. - Sure.
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283. - Sounds good.
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284. - I guess we'll
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285. have the pudding.
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286. - I'm sorry, we're
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287. out of the pudding.
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288. - So, who helps you with all
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289. the technical stuff on iCarly?
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290. - Nobody, just me.
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291. - Amazing.
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292. It looks so cool online.
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293. - Good berries.
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294. - Well, it's berry season.
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295. - I did not know that.
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296. - Yup, we've gone out together
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297. every night this week so far.
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298. I'd say we're almost officially
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299. boyfriend and girlfriend.
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300. - So which one are you?
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301. - Have you kissed her yet?
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302. - Maybe. A little.
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303. - No way!
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304. Did she puke?
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305. - Wait, wait.
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306. Was it this kind of kiss?
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307. Or was it more like...
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308. - Hey, Jeremy.
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309. - Hi, Jeremy.
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310. - Still got that cold, huh?
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311. - Yeah.
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312. Hey, you coming to the
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313. computer expo this weekend?
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314. - No, I can't.
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315. I'm going roller
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316. skating with Valerie.
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317. - Well, maybe we could—
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318. Ah, jeez, I think
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319. I just sprayed my throat.
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320. - Great saying you.
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321. - Bye, Jeremy.
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322. - Man, I don't think
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323. I've ever seen that kid
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324. when he wasn't sneezing and...
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325. Wasn't there a dork next to me?
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326. - Hey, you.
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327. - Hey, baby.
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328. - So, Freddie...
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329. - So, Val...
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330. - Remember when we were
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331. on our first date
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332. and you were telling me
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333. how much fun it
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334. is doing a webcast?
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335. - Yeah, sure.
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336. - I want to do one.
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337. - Really?
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338. Well, you should.
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339. It's a lot of fun.
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340. - Well, yeah, but I know,
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341. like, nothing about
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342. all the techy stuff,
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343. so I was just thinking...
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344. you wanna do it with me?
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345. - You mean, you and me
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346. do a webcast together?
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347. - Uh-huh!
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348. We can do one every week
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349. starting tomorrow night.
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350. - But tomorrow night
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351. is when I do iCarly.
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352. - Oh.
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353. Well, okay.
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354. - But I'll help you
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355. any other night.
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356. - Nah, no thanks.
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357. I really want to do
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358. it tomorrow night.
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359. - But Carly and
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360. Sam are my friends.
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361. I can't just bail on them.
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362. - Um, from what you told
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363. me, Sam's not your friend.
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364. You said she's always calling
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365. you names and putting you down.
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366. - I know, but she can't help it.
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367. She's just naturally vicious.
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368. - And doesn't she always call
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369. you a button-pushing monkey
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370. and tell you you're not
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371. important to the show?
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372. - Yeah, but—
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373. - Whatever.
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374. Don't worry about it.
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375. I can just find someone
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376. else to help me.
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377. - Hey, wait.
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378. I guess, uh...
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379. I guess Carly and Sam can
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380. find another tech producer.
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381. - Aww! Now that's
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382. my Freddie bear.
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383. - She kissed you, and
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384. she's not even your mom.
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385. Impressive!
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386. - Hey, I got your text message—
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387. - Freddie quit!
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388. - Quit what?
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389. Sucking his thumb?
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390. - He quit iCarly!
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391. - What?
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392. - By email.
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393. - What's wrong with
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394. the little punk?
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395. - I don't know.
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396. - Let's go slap some
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397. sense into that boy.
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398. Freddie!
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399. - Freddie, open the door!
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400. - Open up!
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401. We need to talk
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402. to you right now!
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403. Uh, Freddie's not here.
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404. I'm just a lady!
Copy !req
405. - What are you doing?
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406. - Picking the lock.
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407. - How are you gonna pick the
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408. lock with— oh, like that.
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409. Come here, Freddie!
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410. Leave me alone, Sam!
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411. Sam, what are you gonna—
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412. Aah!
Copy !req
413. That was assault!
Copy !req
414. - Why are you quitting iCarly?
Copy !req
415. - Yeah, why?
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416. - Well, 'cause—
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417. 'cause maybe I don't like
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418. the way Sam treats me.
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419. - Oh, come on.
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420. - Yeah, yes, she's
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421. always putting me down, and—
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422. and calling me mean names,
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423. and— and every time I get
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424. an ice cream cone,
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425. she licks it.
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426. She just licks it all over
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427. the place just to bug me.
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428. - Great, now what's
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429. the real reason?
Copy !req
430. - Okay, Valerie
Copy !req
431. wants to do a web show
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432. and she asked me
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433. to be her tech producer.
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434. - Uh!
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435. - Uh!
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436. - So you're just gonna ditch
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437. iCarly for another web show?
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438. - That's competing against us?
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439. - Valerie's my girlfriend.
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440. What am I supposed to do?
Copy !req
441. - Dump the chick.
Copy !req
442. How about that?
Copy !req
443. - You guys were the
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444. ones that talked me into
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445. going out with her,
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446. and now I'm the bad guy?
Copy !req
447. - Look, Freddie,
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448. you better just—
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449. - Stop.
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450. He's right.
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451. Huh?
Copy !req
452. - He should help his girlfriend.
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453. - Thanks.
Copy !req
454. And I wasn't gonna leave
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455. you guys with no help.
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456. I got you guys a
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457. new tech producer...
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458. if you want him.
Copy !req
459. - Who?
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460. - He's really good
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461. with the tech stuff.
Copy !req
462. - Who?
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463. - In five—
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464. four—
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465. three—
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466. - In five, four, three,
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467. two, one— I'm Carly.
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468. - I'm Sam.
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469. - And this is—
Copy !req
470. - And this—
Copy !req
471. - And this is iCarly.
Copy !req
472. - Now we'd like to welcome
Copy !req
473. aboard a new member
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474. of the iCarly team.
Copy !req
475. - Our new technical
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476. producer, Jeremy.
Copy !req
477. - Or as we like to
Copy !req
478. call him, Germy.
Copy !req
479. I got some spittle on the lens.
Copy !req
480. - Just wipe it off, Jeremy.
Copy !req
481. - Okay, this is another
Copy !req
482. new segment on iCarly,
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483. which we like to call...
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484. - Animals Dressed
Copy !req
485. Like Other Animals.
Copy !req
486. - Okay, first up, we have
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487. a dog dressed like a pig.
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488. - I'll go get him.
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489. - You do that, Carls.
Copy !req
490. We'd like to thank
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491. our friend Robin
Copy !req
492. for letting us
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493. borrow her wiener dog.
Copy !req
494. This is for your Robin.
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495. - And thanks to my
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496. brother, Spencer,
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497. for letting us use
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498. his novelty pig parts.
Copy !req
499. Um, I'm allergic to pigs.
Copy !req
500. - It's not a pig!
Copy !req
501. It's a wiener dog!
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502. How can you confuse
Copy !req
503. Robin's wiener dog with a pig?
Copy !req
504. I need a tissue.
Copy !req
505. - We're gonna wrap up
Copy !req
506. the show early tonight.
Copy !req
507. - So join us next week—
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508. - Or not.
Copy !req
509. —here at icarly.com.
Copy !req
510. - Maybe, bye.
Copy !req
511. - Bye!
Copy !req
512. And... we're clear.
Copy !req
513. - Hi, Sam.
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514. - Hey.
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515. - I, uh, watched
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516. iCarly the other night.
Copy !req
517. Yikes.
Copy !req
518. - I don't need your
Copy !req
519. review, alright?
Copy !req
520. - Hey, don't be mad at me.
Copy !req
521. - No, I will be mad at you.
Copy !req
522. You stole Freddie and
Copy !req
523. that hurt our show.
Copy !req
524. - Sam... you don't need iCarly.
Copy !req
525. - What do you mean I don't—
Copy !req
526. - Come do my show with me.
Copy !req
527. - What?
Copy !req
528. - Oh, come on!
Copy !req
529. iCarly's gonna crash and
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530. burn without Freddie.
Copy !req
531. I mean, duh.
Copy !req
532. - You know, Carly
Copy !req
533. happens to be my friend.
Copy !req
534. - Then why isn't your web
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535. show called Carly and Sam?
Copy !req
536. Why is it called iCarly?
Copy !req
537. - She didn't come
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538. up with the name.
Copy !req
539. Freddie did.
Copy !req
540. And we all like it.
Copy !req
541. - Well, if you were my cohost,
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542. I'd call our show Val and Sam.
Copy !req
543. Maybe even Sam and Val...
Copy !req
544. if you like that.
Copy !req
545. - This is a serious offer?
Copy !req
546. - Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
547. - You, me, and Freddie?
Copy !req
548. - Uh-huh.
Copy !req
549. And we'll knock Carly Shay
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550. right off the internet.
Copy !req
551. And then, in a couple of years,
Copy !req
552. we could have the most
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553. popular show on the web.
Copy !req
554. - I bet we could.
Copy !req
555. - That was the plan all along.
Copy !req
556. - You've got a
Copy !req
557. devious little brain.
Copy !req
558. I like that.
Copy !req
559. - I thought you might.
Copy !req
560. Let's talk tomorrow.
Copy !req
561. - Absolutely.
Copy !req
562. - Oh, and don't say anything.
Copy !req
563. We don't want Carly
Copy !req
564. to know about this.
Copy !req
565. - Believe me, I won't.
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566. - She what?
Copy !req
567. - That skunk bag
Copy !req
568. tried to steal me too!
Copy !req
569. She wants to ruin iCarly
Copy !req
570. so she can have
Copy !req
571. the hottest show on the web.
Copy !req
572. - Oh my God, she's
Copy !req
573. just using Freddie!
Copy !req
574. - Yeah, and now she's
Copy !req
575. trying to use me.
Copy !req
576. - That little—
Copy !req
577. - Say it!
Copy !req
578. - I don't like to say it.
Copy !req
579. Spencer says it's not ladylike.
Copy !req
580. - Say it!
Copy !req
581. - That skunk bag!
Copy !req
582. - Feels good, doesn't it?
Copy !req
583. - Yeah, it does!
Copy !req
584. - We gotta go tell Freddie!
Copy !req
585. - Yeah, we are!
Copy !req
586. - Can we get a smoothie first?
Copy !req
587. - No, we cannot!
Copy !req
588. - You're talking
Copy !req
589. about my girlfriend.
Copy !req
590. - She's not your girlfriend.
Copy !req
591. She's just using you.
Copy !req
592. - Then I enjoy being used.
Copy !req
593. - Hey, Carly, there's a
Copy !req
594. little girl on the phone.
Copy !req
595. You wanna buy some
Copy !req
596. Girl Sprout cookies?
Copy !req
597. - No, thanks.
Copy !req
598. - No, thanks.
Copy !req
599. Huh?
Copy !req
600. - You gotta believe us.
Copy !req
601. - She tried to get me to
Copy !req
602. be on your web show, too.
Copy !req
603. - You're lying!
Copy !req
604. - I don't lie.
Copy !req
605. - Yeah, Sam may be
Copy !req
606. obnoxious and irresponsible,
Copy !req
607. but she doesn't lie.
Copy !req
608. Oh, you know I liove you.
Copy !req
609. - She says if you buy 10
Copy !req
610. boxes, you get a dollar off.
Copy !req
611. - I don't want any
Copy !req
612. Girl Sprout cookies.
Copy !req
613. - She really doesn't
Copy !req
614. want any cookies.
Copy !req
615. Huh?
Copy !req
616. - Fine, I'll go
Copy !req
617. ask Valerie myself.
Copy !req
618. - She's not gonna
Copy !req
619. tell you the truth.
Copy !req
620. - She said no thank you.
Copy !req
621. - Valerie's using you.
Copy !req
622. - She is not.
Copy !req
623. - She is.
Copy !req
624. - We don't want your cookies!
Copy !req
625. - Believe us.
Copy !req
626. - We've been your friends
Copy !req
627. way longer than she has.
Copy !req
628. - How many times do
Copy !req
629. I have to say no?
Copy !req
630. Wait, how much for
Copy !req
631. the Twin Mints?
Copy !req
632. - How long 'till we go on?
Copy !req
633. - Seven minutes.
Copy !req
634. Where's Germy?
Copy !req
635. - In the bathroom.
Copy !req
636. He brought special nose plugs
Copy !req
637. that are supposed to keep snot
Copy !req
638. from dripping out
Copy !req
639. of his nostrils.
Copy !req
640. - Charming.
Copy !req
641. - Here he comes.
Copy !req
642. - Let's just get
Copy !req
643. ready to do the show.
Copy !req
644. - Here I am.
Copy !req
645. Whee.
Copy !req
646. - I put in the nose plugs.
Copy !req
647. They should keep me from—
Copy !req
648. - Where did my right plug go?
Copy !req
649. - Don't!
Copy !req
650. - I'm—
Copy !req
651. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
652. I can't—
Copy !req
653. I gotta go home.
Copy !req
654. - Now what?
Copy !req
655. - We can't do the show without
Copy !req
656. someone doing the tech stuff.
Copy !req
657. - Hi.
Copy !req
658. You were right.
Copy !req
659. Valerie admitted
Copy !req
660. she tried to steal me.
Copy !req
661. Yeah, she even tried to get me
Copy !req
662. to talk you into doing her show.
Copy !req
663. You guys were right about her.
Copy !req
664. She's a skunk sack.
Copy !req
665. - Bag.
Copy !req
666. - Bag.
Copy !req
667. - What did you do?
Copy !req
668. - Broke up with her.
Copy !req
669. - I'm sorry.
Copy !req
670. - That's cool.
Copy !req
671. - Well, come on!
Copy !req
672. Let's do a but-kicking web show.
Copy !req
673. That'll take your
Copy !req
674. mind off of it.
Copy !req
675. - Look, I know we haven't
Copy !req
676. rehearsed it with you—
Copy !req
677. - I didn't say I'd
Copy !req
678. come back to iCarly.
Copy !req
679. - Yeah, but—
Copy !req
680. - You said Valerie—
Copy !req
681. - That doesn't mean that she
Copy !req
682. was wrong when she said you guys
Copy !req
683. don't treat me like
Copy !req
684. I'm important to the show.
Copy !req
685. - I always tell you.
Copy !req
686. - Yeah, you do.
Copy !req
687. - Tell him he's just as
Copy !req
688. important to the show as we are.
Copy !req
689. - Oh, why don't you just make
Copy !req
690. me drink out of a toilet?
Copy !req
691. - Tell him!
Copy !req
692. - Freddie...
Copy !req
693. you're just as important
Copy !req
694. to iCarly as we are.
Copy !req
695. She gave me a wedgie!
Copy !req
696. - No charge.
Copy !req
697. Now come on, let's do the show!
Copy !req
698. - Hey!
Copy !req
699. Hi, Spencer.
Copy !req
700. - You guys rocked tonight.
Copy !req
701. - You saw our show?
Copy !req
702. - Yeah, I watched it over
Copy !req
703. at my buddy Socko's house.
Copy !req
704. - You have a friend named Socko?
Copy !req
705. - Yeah, he's the one who
Copy !req
706. sells me all the cool socks.
Copy !req
707. So I thought Freddie quit the—
Copy !req
708. - I'm back on iCarly.
Copy !req
709. - As our permanent
Copy !req
710. technical producer.
Copy !req
711. - Good.
Copy !req
712. - Hey, so what's Valerie
Copy !req
713. gonna do about her show?
Copy !req
714. - I think it's
Copy !req
715. probably still on.
Copy !req
716. - Well, go to her site.
Copy !req
717. - Hurry!
Copy !req
718. - Okay, okay, calm
Copy !req
719. down, I'm going.
Copy !req
720. - Um, so now if you'll look
Copy !req
721. at the monitor above me,
Copy !req
722. you will see, um, a video of my
Copy !req
723. family's recent trip to Idaho,
Copy !req
724. home of the potato.
Copy !req
725. - Why won't it play?
Copy !req
726. - I don't see why
Copy !req
727. It's not playing.
Copy !req
728. - Is she okay?
Copy !req
729. Yeah, yeah,
Copy !req
730. she's getting up.
Copy !req
731. - I don't know what to do now.
Copy !req
732. - I do.
Copy !req
733. - Hey, people!
Copy !req
734. - We need you to do something.
Copy !req
735. - You have to do this.
Copy !req
736. We want you to make
Copy !req
737. a crazy sandwich.
Copy !req
738. - Make an insane sandwich!
Copy !req
739. - Then take a picture of it—
Copy !req
740. —and send that pic
Copy !req
741. to us at iCarly.com.
Copy !req
742. - And if your sandwich
Copy !req
743. is crazy enough—
Copy !req
744. —we'll put it
Copy !req
745. on the iCarly homepage
Copy !req
746. for the whole world to see.
Copy !req
747. - So if you want to win
Copy !req
748. most insane sandwich ever—
Copy !req
749. —go make a bizarro sandwich—
Copy !req
750. —take a pic of it—
Copy !req
751. —and send that pic to us
Copy !req
752. at iCarly.com.
Copy !req
753. - Do it!
Copy !req
754. - We want your sandwich pics!
Copy !req
755. - And now, Sam and I
Copy !req
756. will make weird nosies.
Copy !req
757. - Mah.
Copy !req
758. - Mah.
Copy !req
759. - Mmm!
Copy !req