1. Oh, class was so boring.
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2. How would you know?
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3. You were asleep the whole time.
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4. Then I guess
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5. I dreamed class was boring.
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6. Well, your dream came true.
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7. Hey! Guess what I got from
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8. the audio-visual department?
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9. Whoa!
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10. - So cool! Amazing! Awesome!
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11. - That's incredible!
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12. - We don't know what it is.
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13. - No, and don't care.
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14. It's called a green screen.
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15. We can use it for
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16. special effects on iCarly.
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17. You guys stand in front of it,
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18. and I have this software
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19. that can make it any kind
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20. of background we want.
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21. Oh, so you could make it look
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22. like we were in a snow storm
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23. or standing on the moon
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24. or something?
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25. Exactly.
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26. Can you make it look like
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27. I'm standing on your face?
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28. Must you always
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29. attack me with words?
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30. You want me to use rocks?
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31. Hey, guys!
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32. - Hi, Tareen.
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33. - Oh, man.
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34. You'll never guess who I saw
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35. at the Cuddlefish
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36. concert last night.
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37. Who'd you see at the concert?
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38. Our history teacher, Mr. Stern.
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39. Look, I got a picture of him
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40. at the concert last night.
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41. Look at it, look at the phone,
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42. Are you looking at it?
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43. - Yes, we see!
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44. That's Mr. Stern?
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45. Is he wearing shorts?
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46. Teachers shouldn't
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47. wear shorts.
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48. No.
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49. It looks like
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50. he's stage diving.
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51. He was! It was insane,
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52. I still can't believe it
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53. and I'm the one who took
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54. the picture with my cell phone.
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55. Can you believe
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56. Mr. Stern was at the concert?
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57. I can't, I gotta go.
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58. I like Tareen,
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59. but after she talks to me,
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60. I feel like I need a nap.
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61. I can't believe Mr. Stern
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62. would go to a concert.
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63. Yeah, you don't really think
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64. about teachers
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65. having lives
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66. outside of school.
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67. I always thought
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68. they just locked them up
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69. in the teacher's lounge
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70. at night.
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71. Hey, get to class.
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72. You, stop laughing.
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73. I said get to class!
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74. Respect the bullhorn!
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75. That Ms. Briggs is a joy,
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76. isn't she?
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77. I wonder what she does
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78. when she's not in school.
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79. She probably spits on puppies.
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80. Hey, you, get to class.
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81. Hey, that could be
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82. a really cool idea
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83. for our web show.
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84. We spit on puppies?
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85. I meant we could do
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86. a whole segment
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87. on what mean teachers do
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88. when they're not in school.
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89. Nice.
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90. I love her brain.
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91. My brain says thanks.
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92. Come on! Keep going! Move!
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93. So, how do we do this?
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94. We follow Ms. Briggs around
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95. after school, you know,
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96. with a video camera
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97. and just see what she does.
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98. And what if she's boring?
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99. Yeah, what if she's not mean?
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100. Ms. Briggs,
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101. I picked you an orange
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102. from my mother's tree.
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103. I hate citrus fruit.
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104. Now get to class!
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105. I'm thinking she'll be mean.
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106. - In five, four, three, two.
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107. OK,
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108. inside this box is a new piece
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109. of technological equipment
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110. that's gonna blow
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111. you guys away.
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112. What is it?
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113. You buy yourself
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114. a robot girlfriend?
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115. I don't need
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116. a robot girlfriend,
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117. 'Cause 20 years from now,
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118. I guarantee you
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119. I will be
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120. Carly's second husband.
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121. What happened
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122. to my first husband?
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123. Nothing you can prove.
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124. Just show us
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125. what's in the box
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126. before I get bored and leave.
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127. There's nothing boring about
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128. being able
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129. to videotape Ms. Briggs
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130. with no chance
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131. of her finding out.
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132. What did you get?
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133. A teeny video camera
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134. disguised as a piece of pie.
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135. Yeah, who wouldn't that fool?
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136. It looks real.
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137. Yes, a real gigantic piece
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138. of plastic pie
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139. with a camera lens on the side.
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140. Look, it comes
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141. with a giant fork.
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142. Give it!
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143. This is a quality piece
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144. of spy equipment.
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145. My Aunt Maggie's boobs
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146. look more real than that,
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147. and they're ridiculous.
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148. I really don't think
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149. you're going to fool anyone
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150. with that thing.
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151. Oh, you don't?
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152. Where's Spencer?
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153. Downstairs with some girl
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154. he's been going out with.
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155. B-R-B.
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156. - Come on, please?
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157. - No.
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158. Pretty please?
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159. No, Spencer.
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160. Pretty please
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161. with sugar on top?
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162. I'm diabetic, and I said no.
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163. I'll be your best buddy.
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164. Oh, alright.
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165. Yes.
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166. That is—
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167. Don't mind me.
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168. I'm just a guy having' some pie.
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169. Hey, is that one of those
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170. pie spy video cameras?
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171. No, it is not.
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172. Oh yeah,
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173. they were talking about those
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174. on the food channel.
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175. Or was it the spy channel?
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176. You know,
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177. I think it was the spy channel.
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178. I don't know
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179. what you guy are talking about.
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180. This is just
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181. a normal piece of pie
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182. that doesn't record anything.
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183. But there's a big lens
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184. on the side.
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185. Oh, just forget it!
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186. Two hours of boring.
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187. I think we've
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188. learned what mean teachers do
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189. when they're not at school.
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190. Yep,
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191. nothing interesting enough
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192. to put in our webcast.
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193. Nope.
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194. Hey, hey.
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195. She's opening her door.
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196. She's just
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197. taking out her trash.
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198. Hey! Go away!
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199. - Get out of here!
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200. - It's just a bee.
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201. You don't understand,
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202. I am extremely allergic
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203. to bees.
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204. Get out of here,
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205. you stupid bee!
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206. I think he wants my pie.
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207. That is a stupid bee.
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208. Whoa! Ow!
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209. - Where are you going?
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210. I can't get stung!
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211. Are you insane?
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212. Get out
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213. of Ms. Briggs' apartment.
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214. You can't just— get away!
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215. It's a fake pie!
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216. Can't you see
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217. the big lens on the side?
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218. It's a fake pie!
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219. Come on!
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220. We can't stay in here.
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221. If Ms. Briggs catches us,
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222. we're dead. Let's go!
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223. No! That bee's still out there,
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224. and by now he know
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225. my pie was fake.
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226. He's gonna be madder than ever.
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227. Here she comes!
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228. - Go in there!
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229. - Aah!
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230. - Ah!
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231. - Sorry!
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232. - Now what do we do?
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233. - Shh, I'm thinking.
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234. You know,
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235. this might not be so bad.
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236. Just you and me,
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237. together, alone.
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238. OK, we are in
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239. a serious situation here.
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240. This is no time for you
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241. to bust a move.
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242. Sorry.
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243. We cannot let
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244. Ms. Briggs find us.
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245. Well, maybe we can wait until
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246. she goes into another room
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247. then we can make a run for it.
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248. Maybe. Now, shh.
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249. - What's she doing?
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250. - You don't wanna know.
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251. Hey, thanks for doing this.
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252. No prob.
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253. How come you're not hanging
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254. with Carly and Freddie?
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255. A person can only take
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256. so much Freddie.
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257. How come you didn't ask
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258. your new girlfriend
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259. to model for you?
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260. I broke up with Connie.
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261. Found out she was juggling
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262. for other guys.
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263. Oh, sorry.
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264. Yeah, it hurt.
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265. So, how do I be
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266. a sculpture model?
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267. You just sit over there
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268. and do nothing.
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269. Cool, just like school.
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270. Yes!
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271. 77...
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272. 78...
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273. 79.
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274. So many leg lifts.
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275. I think I found
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276. the light switch, shut the door!
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277. Shh!
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278. - Freddie.
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279. - Yeah?
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280. Am I hallucinating
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281. or are we surrounded by 2,000
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282. Randy Jacksons?
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283. Why does Ms. Briggs
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284. have all this stuff?
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285. I don't know.
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286. I guess if you're
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287. gonna be obsessed
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288. with an American Idol judge,
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289. you might as well pick one
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290. that's firm but fair.
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291. Yeah dog, you did your thing.
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292. You want Ms. Briggs to hear us?
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293. Randy said it, not me!
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294. She's coming! Hide!
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295. - No!
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296. - That was hot, yo!
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297. Aw, please be quiet,
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298. Randy Jackson.
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299. Well, good afternoon,
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300. Randy Jackson.
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301. Oh, you are looking
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302. spiffy today.
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303. Now, is there something
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304. you'd like to say to me?
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305. Yeah, we got us
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306. a hot one tonight, baby!
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307. Oh!
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308. Oh, R.J.
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309. You know,
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310. I just finished my workout.
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311. Would you like to see
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312. how toned my glutes are?
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313. So this is seriously
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314. the first time
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315. you've ever modeled
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316. for a sculpture?
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317. First time.
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318. How am I doing?
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319. Good.
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320. Can I... sneak a peek?
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321. Uh, yeah, sure.
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322. Why not?
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323. - Spencer?
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324. - Mhm?
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325. That's a fish.
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326. Yeah. A tuna.
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327. Or I suppose
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328. you could argue it's a trout
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329. you know, 'cause of the way
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330. his lip curls up right here.
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331. I thought you were sculpting me
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332. for the past three hours.
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333. Well, I started off
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334. sculpting you,
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335. but then I started thinking
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336. about aquariums
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337. and... he happened.
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338. Then why am I still here?
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339. I get lonely.
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340. - What?
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341. - Sam, listen!
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342. Freddie and I are stuck hiding
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343. in the closet
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344. in Ms. Briggs' apartment.
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345. Really?
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346. That's some nutty stuff.
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347. Will you just get over here?
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348. On my way.
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349. Sam's on her way.
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350. And will you quit eating
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351. the Randy-Yos?
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352. No way, she's torturing
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353. Carly and Freddie?
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354. Freddie, you're so stupid.
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355. Bagpipes?
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356. Eww.
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357. This is torture.
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358. - Sam?
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359. - Yeah.
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360. Where are you?
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361. I'm right outside
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362. on the patio.
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363. - What's the plan, man?
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364. - OK, you call Ms. Briggs
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365. and keep her distracted
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366. on the phone
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367. while Freddie and I
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368. sneak out the front door.
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369. One distraction, coming up.
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370. Give me 60 seconds,
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371. then go for the door.
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372. See you on the outside.
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373. Briggs.
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374. Hello ma'am, have you purchased
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375. any suspicious milk lately?
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376. Suspicious milk?
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377. Who is this?
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378. Uh, this is Agent McMuffin
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379. with the
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380. Federal Bureau of Milk.
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381. The FBM?
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382. Uh, sure.
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383. See, there have been reports
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384. of counterfeit milk
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385. and other dairy products
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386. in the Seattle area.
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387. Oh, sweet mother.
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388. I just bought a tub of
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389. Zingleberry yogurt yesterday.
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390. It's OK, ma'am.
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391. Just remain calm and proceed
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392. to your refrigerator.
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393. Of course.
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394. Moron.
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395. It's been 60 seconds.
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396. Let's make our move
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397. and get out of here.
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398. Wait.
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399. OK, ready.
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400. What'd you put in your pocket?
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401. Randy Jackson cologne?
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402. Why do you want this?
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403. 'Cause...
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404. it smells tight, dawg.
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405. The milk smells
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406. just fine to me.
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407. Are you sure
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408. there's a dairy prob—
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409. We're losing precious time!
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410. I already checked my milk
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411. and the tub of yogurt.
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412. Yeah, but...
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413. you better inspect
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414. that cottage cheese
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415. on the top shelf.
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416. Alright.
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417. But I don't see why the—
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418. How did you know
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419. my cottage cheese
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420. was on the top shelf?
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421. 'Cause I'm a professional,
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422. ma'am.
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423. Uh, don't go near
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424. your patio door.
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425. There's a dairy monster
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426. on the loose
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427. and you don't want to see—
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428. Busted! Now, get inside!
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429. But I can explain.
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430. I'm sure you can.
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431. I can. See, I'm doing
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432. this school project on...
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433. On... how ladies react
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434. when they think
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435. their dairy products—
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436. Freddie!
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437. - Surprise!
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438. - Surprise!
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439. Yeah, happy birthday,
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440. Ms. Briggs!
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441. Let's sing our public domain
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442. birthday song!
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443. It's not my birthday!
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444. Whoops, then, we better go.
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445. - Come on, kids.
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446. - Stop!
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447. Happy... Hanukkah?
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448. Kwanza?
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449. Uh... I'm sorry I tripped
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450. on your bagpipes.
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451. - Are they OK?
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452. - No.
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453. He dented my blow stick
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454. and punctured my squeeze bag.
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455. Freddie'll pay
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456. to have your bagpipes fixed.
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457. And you think that'll get
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458. the three of you
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459. out of trouble?
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460. Well, we were kinda hoping.
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461. I don't think so.
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462. Breaking into a teacher's home,
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463. damaging property,
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464. impersonating a dairy agent.
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465. I could have you expelled.
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466. I might even call the police.
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467. Or you could let us run away
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468. while you angrily shake
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469. your fist in the air
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470. and scream, "You rotten kids!"
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471. Look, Ms. Briggs,
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472. we never meant
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473. to sneak into your house.
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474. Then explain why you did.
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475. Well, we were videotaping you
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476. for our web show
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477. to see what teachers are like
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478. when they're not in school.
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479. Ah, your web
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480. show, iCarly.
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481. I've seen it.
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482. Nothing more than mucus
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483. in the nose of the digital age.
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484. Did she just call
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485. our show a booger?
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486. iCarly's great.
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487. Thousands of people
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488. watch it every week.
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489. Thousands?
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490. That's a pretty big booger.
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491. Hmm, well,
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492. since you're so interested
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493. in showing your viewers
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494. what teachers do
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495. outside of school,
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496. I think I have a solution
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497. that will benefit us all.
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498. What solution?
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499. I won't suspend you from school
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500. or call the police
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501. if you let me perform
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502. an original bagpipe song
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503. on your web show.
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504. You wanna be on iCarly?
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505. - Just call the cops on us.
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506. - Sam!
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507. Why would you even wanna be
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508. on our show?
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509. Because, I see this
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510. as a great opportunity
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511. to show the world some culture,
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512. To teach young people
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513. about fine music.
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514. Don't do it, Carls.
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515. She's not even playing it
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516. and I'm already bored
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517. out of my mind.
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518. Look, Ms. Briggs, I—
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519. Put me on your webcast
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520. or I will have you suspended
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521. for breaking into my house.
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522. And I will file a report with
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523. the Seattle Police Department.
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524. Your choice.
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525. In five, four, three, two.
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526. Hey, there. Welcome to iCarly.
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527. - I'm Sam.
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528. - I'm Carly.
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529. - Blah blah.
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530. - Blah blah.
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531. Hey! Just read
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532. the introduction I gave you.
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533. Uh, tonight on iCarly,
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534. instead of the worthless trash
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535. we usually do here,
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536. uh, please prepare to enjoy
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537. some fine music
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538. played on the bagpipes
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539. by Ms. Francine Briggs.
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540. Oops, wrong button.
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541. Give me that.
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542. And now,
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543. here she is playing
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544. an original song
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545. she composed herself
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546. called "Haggis and Moonlight,"
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547. please welcome
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548. the lovely and talented
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549. Ms. Francine Briggs.
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550. Thank you.
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551. And now, for some real,
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552. enriching entertainment.
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553. This is so horrible.
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554. Well, maybe we don't have
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555. that big
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556. of an audience tonight.
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557. Sorry, look.
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558. Whoa, all those people
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559. are streaming us right now?
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560. Biggest audience
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561. we've ever had.
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562. Yeah, and they all want us
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563. to be out there
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564. doing something funny.
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565. Hey, hey, look at that.
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566. Why is the number dropping?
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567. 'Cause people
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568. are turning us off.
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569. We've lost over 10%
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570. of our audience
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571. in less than two minutes.
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572. This is a disaster.
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573. Do you know how hard we worked
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574. to get that audience?
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575. And Briggs is gonna ruin it
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576. in one night.
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577. Look, already
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578. 20% of our audience, gone.
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579. Man, this webcast is suckish.
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580. I'd rather watch you.
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581. Yeah! Go, balls, go!
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582. How long is this song?
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583. I don't even think
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584. it's half over.
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585. Well we've almost lost
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586. over half of our viewers.
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587. We gotta do something.
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588. - What?
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589. - What do you want?
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590. The green screen.
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591. - What about the green screen?
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592. - Do you have it set up?
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593. Yeah,
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594. but I haven't tried it yet.
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595. I was gonna test it out—
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596. - Test it now.
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597. - Or I'll test it now.
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598. He'll test it now.
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599. \
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600. Hey, watch me juggle.
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601. No way, baby.
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602. This iCarly web show
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603. is high-larious!
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604. She's completely unaware
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605. of the changing backgrounds!
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606. We're getting
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607. the audience back.
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608. - Yeah!
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609. - Hit me.
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610. Thank you.
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611. Aw! Your song's over?
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612. Do another one.
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613. Yeah! Come on, Ms. Briggs!
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614. Do this! Come on!
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615. Oh, Alright.
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616. Hey, there's Ms. Briggs!
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617. Thank you. Thank you all.
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618. You see? That silly comedy
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619. you girls do
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620. is no match for
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621. my true musical artistry.
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622. You are so right.
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623. Thank you for teaching us
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624. that important lesson.
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625. Certainly.
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626. Freddie.
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627. Mmm.
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628. Mmm!
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629. You smell delightful.
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630. Thanks, Ms. Briggs.
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631. Mmm.
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632. Randy Jackson cologne?
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633. It smells tight, dawg.
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634. - Hey!
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635. - You there.
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636. You wanna see us do stuff
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637. you can't see anywhere else?
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638. - Do ya?
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639. - I think they do.
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640. Then go online to iCarly.com.
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641. Yeah, go to iCarly.com.
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642. Once you get to iCarly.com,
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643. you can see me and Carly.
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644. And Freddie and Spencer
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645. do all kinds
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646. of wacky, fun stuff.
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647. You know you like wacky,
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648. fun stuff.
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649. So go online to iCarly.com.
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650. And see stuff
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651. you can't see anywhere else.
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652. Only at iCarly.com.
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653. - So go there!
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654. - Do it!
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655. Seriously!
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656. Mmm!
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