1. - In five, four, three, two...
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2. Hey! Welcome to "iCarly!"
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3. You know who we are.
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4. You don't know?
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5. Okay, then... I'm Carly!
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6. I'm Sam!
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7. - Now you know!
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8. - Now you know!
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9. So guess what?
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10. We've been watching
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11. some action movies.
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12. We love watching dudes fight.
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13. Even though we know
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14. the punches aren't really real.
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15. The actors just swing and miss,
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16. but they play a sound effect.
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17. Like this!
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18. Looked like I punched her,
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19. right?
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20. Oh, my God! Are you okay?
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21. I... I think so.
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22. 'Cause they also use fake blood!
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23. - Bwaaaah!
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24. - Bwaaaah!
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25. And now moving on—
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26. Last week, one of our viewers
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27. submitted an awesome video clip
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28. to us right here at iCarly.com.
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29. It's from Keri Mackler
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30. of Providence, Rhode Island.
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31. - She's a singer.
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32. - This girl can wail.
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33. Freddie, play Keri's
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34. video clip.
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35. Playback.
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36. - Hi, Carly. Hey, Sam.
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37. I love your web show.
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38. Okay, check this out.
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39. This is one of my mom's
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40. really good glasses.
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41. Okay, now watch...
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42. - Yeah!
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43. - Nice!
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44. Did you see that?
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45. Why can't she sing that note
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46. next to our math teacher's head?
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47. All right, now to finish off
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48. tonight's Webcast,
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49. my brother Spencer—
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50. An amazing artist—
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51. Is gonna show you
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52. his latest sculpture—
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53. His coolest one ever—
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54. So hit the applause button
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55. and say hello
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56. to my big brother, Spencer!
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57. Yo-yo-Dee-yo!
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58. Tell the iCarly viewers
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59. about your latest masterpiece.
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60. Okay, so the other night
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61. I'm watching this TV show
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62. about building houses, right?
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63. And this one guy
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64. asks this other guy
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65. which he likes better,
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66. a nail gun or a hammer.
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67. And the guy goes, "Personally,
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68. I'm a fan of hammers."
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69. And when he said that,
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70. it inspired me to build this...
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71. A fan of hammers!
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72. Sam, hit that button.
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73. Thank you!
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74. I understand your excitement!
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75. Hey, check this out.
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76. It actually works.
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77. All right!
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78. Fan-tastic!
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79. Uh, is it supposed to do that?
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80. Um, no, not really, no.
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81. Hit the floor!
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82. It needs to be adjusted.
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83. - In five, four, three, two...
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84. - I got it.
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85. If it's Freddie's mom,
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86. don't open the door.
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87. Hey, my mom happens
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88. to be...
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89. yeah, don't.
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90. - Granddad.
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91. - Spencer.
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92. - Granddad!
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93. - Carly!
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94. - How's my little gumdrop, huh?
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95. - Awesome!
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96. Did you see
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97. my web show last night?
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98. Yes, I did,
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99. and you were adorable.
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100. Thanks! So, what are you
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101. doing here in Seattle?
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102. Why didn't you tell us
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103. you were coming?
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104. What,
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105. a man can't drive ninety minutes
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106. to surprise
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107. his favorite grandkids, huh?
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108. How come my grandfather
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109. just sleeps and burps?
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110. 'Cause he's related to you?
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111. Oh, you remember Freddie.
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112. 'Course.
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113. He lives right across the hall.
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114. And I think you met Sam
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115. last time you were here.
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116. Yes, she borrowed ten dollars
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117. from me
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118. and then ate my sandwich.
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119. Nice to see you again.
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120. Oh, Carly, ah-ah,
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121. got a little present for you.
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122. Really?
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123. Ooh, a gift card
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124. for groovy smoothies!
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125. - Thanks.
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126. - How much?
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127. Sam.
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128. Thirty bucks.
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129. Good man.
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130. Let's go spend that bad boy.
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131. I can't now.
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132. My granddad just got here.
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133. Ah, go have fun.
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134. I'll be in town a few days.
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135. Okay!
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136. - Smooth-eeee!
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137. - Yeah!
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138. Bring me back
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139. a blueberry banana blitz?
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140. Sure. Be back whenever.
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141. See you whenever.
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142. I used to get
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143. the strawberry splat,
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144. but then I tried
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145. the blueberry banana blitz—
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146. Are you outta your mind?
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147. I shoulda got
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148. the strawberry splat?
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149. I am talking about
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150. your little stunt
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151. on Carly's Webcast.
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152. Oh, the fan of hammers.
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153. You nearly took
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154. Carly's head off.
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155. It was incredibly irresponsible.
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156. It was an accident.
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157. And I am very responsible.
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158. Oh, you think?
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159. A responsible guardian
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160. tells a 13-year-old girl
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161. she can just come home
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162. "whenever"?
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163. She's just across the street.
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164. And she's with two friends,
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165. and she has her cell phone
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166. with her at all times.
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167. You know, I was not happy
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168. when you dropped
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169. out of law school
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170. to become an artist.
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171. Wow! Really?
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172. You could've been
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173. a fantastic lawyer!
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174. - I didn't wanna be a lawyer!
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175. - Why not?
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176. Because when you're a lawyer,
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177. you can't do this!
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178. You had such a bright future.
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179. I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
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180. I'm rocking out.
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181. You could've been
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182. a brilliant lawyer,
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183. that's all I'm trying to say!
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184. But then you start making
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185. these weird sculptures,
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186. and now...
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187. And now you're putting
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188. Carly at risk.
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189. So, maybe
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190. it's for the best if...
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191. If Carly comes to live with me!
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192. Carly needs a grown-up.
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193. - I am a grown-up.
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194. - Huh—
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195. And I really don't think
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196. Carly wants go live
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197. with you in Yakima.
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198. - And why is that?
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199. - 'Cause she likes to have fun.
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200. Oh, you don't think
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201. I'm fun, huh?
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202. That was impressive.
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203. I'll be
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204. at the Parker-Nichols hotel,
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205. two blocks over.
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206. I love you, Spencer.
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207. But Carly needs a responsible
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208. adult authority figure.
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209. I'll see you tomorrow.
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210. Whoop...
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211. Hey, Spence,
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212. I'm back with one large
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213. blueberry banana blitz.
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214. - Where have you been?
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215. - At the groovy smoothie.
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216. - For a half hour?
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217. - Smoothies are thick.
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218. You can only suck 'em down
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219. so fast.
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220. No excuses.
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221. You're outta control.
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222. Yeah, clearly I have a problem.
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223. I'll check into smoothies
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224. anonymous tomorrow.
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225. When you live under my roof,
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226. you live by my rules, so...
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227. Always try your best
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228. and eat your vegetables!
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229. Okay, are you on
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230. some kind of new medication
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231. I should know about?
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232. Ahh, I can't do this.
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233. Do what?
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234. After you left,
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235. granddad told me
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236. he doesn't think
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237. I'm responsible enough
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238. to take care of you.
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239. That's insane.
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240. He thinks you'd be better off
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241. living with him in Yakima.
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242. Yakima? I ain't going to
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243. Yakima!
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244. He can't do that.
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245. Can he do that?
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246. - I don't know.
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247. - But you're very responsible.
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248. Our grandfather
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249. doesn't think so.
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250. Well, we're just gonna have
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251. to change granddad's mind
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252. 'cause I'm not moving to
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253. Yakima.
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254. All right, don't worry
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255. too much about this yet.
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256. Just go do your homework
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257. or something.
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258. Okay.
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259. I mean,
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260. You go do your homework
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261. right now, young lady!
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262. Yes, sir.
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263. And just say no!
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264. - Always!
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265. - And stay in school!
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266. Maybe!
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267. Will you chill?
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268. I'll chill
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269. after granddad's convinced
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270. that Spencer's
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271. a responsible adult.
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272. Yeah, good luck with that.
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273. Hey, could you keep
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274. your hands off
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275. my equipment over there?
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276. I could...
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277. But I don't think I will.
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278. I'm wearing my suit.
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279. Nice.
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280. Isn't it kinda small on you?
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281. Yeah,
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282. 'cause I only wore it once
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283. in the tenth grade
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284. for a school play.
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285. - What role did you play?
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286. - Man in suit.
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287. Ah.
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288. I hate it!
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289. You're not supposed to like it.
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290. It's supposed to help granddad
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291. see you as a mature adult.
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292. Okay.
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293. But can we have ice cream
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294. after he's gone?
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295. - Doorbell.
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296. - Smells like your granddad.
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297. - You smell like garbage.
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298. - Your butt's shaped like a ham.
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299. Hey, no fighting tonight.
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300. You figure out
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301. how to tie your tie,
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302. and I'll go downstairs
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303. and stall granddad.
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304. Okay.
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305. - What do you want us to do?
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306. - Get out.
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307. Right.
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308. Wait, the back way!
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309. - Granddad.
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310. - Surprise!
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311. Wow.
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312. An "I heart Yakima" t-shirt.
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313. - For you.
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314. - Yay.
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315. Why'd you get me this?
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316. Carly...
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317. Come, sit.
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318. I got in touch
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319. with your dad last night.
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320. Aw, man.
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321. I told him
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322. I was worried about you,
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323. you know,
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324. living here with Spencer.
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325. And what'd he say?
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326. He thinks Spencer's
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327. very responsible.
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328. See? He knows
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329. what he's talking about.
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330. Wait.
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331. Your dad also agreed that,
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332. since he's not here right now,
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333. I can decide
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334. what's best for you.
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335. Well, what does he know?
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336. He's in the Navy on a submarine
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337. three miles under water!
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338. He's probably all dizzy!
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339. Carly, you're coming
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340. to live with me in Yakima.
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341. No! I wanna stay here
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342. in Seattle with Spencer!
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343. Spencer needs to learn
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344. to take care of himself
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345. before he can take care
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346. of a child.
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347. I'm not a child.
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348. I'm just young and short.
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349. Sweetheart—
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350. Spencer's very responsible
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351. and very grown up!
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352. Hey, you guys...
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353. Ohh! Ooh!
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354. Who's ready for dinner?
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355. Please don't make me move
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356. to Yakima.
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357. Please don't make her move
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358. to Yakima.
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359. Yakima's a great town.
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360. No "great town"
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361. can be named Yakima.
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362. It sounds like
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363. someone throwing up.
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364. It does.
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365. Yakima!
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366. Yakima!
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367. I'm sorry.
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368. She's coming to live with me.
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369. Then I wore this monkey suit
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370. for nothing!
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371. Stupid tie!
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372. You're wrong about him.
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373. Look, I love Spencer—
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374. then let me keep living here.
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375. And what if something
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376. bad happens?
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377. Nothing's gonna happen.
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378. You don't know that.
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379. - Remember the hammer.
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380. - I ducked!
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381. - What if you hadn't?
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382. - But I did!
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383. Can't you see I'm only thinking
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384. of what's best for you?
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385. No! What about school?
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386. You can transfer
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387. to Yakima Junior High.
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388. Gross!
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389. I'm sorry, baby,
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390. my mind's made up.
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391. You can have a day
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392. to pack up your things
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393. and say goodbye to your friends.
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394. We leave tomorrow night.
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395. Call for help.
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396. I can't believe you're moving.
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397. Well, believe it
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398. 'cause it's happening.
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399. You know, I ought
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400. to go tell your grandfather
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401. a thing or two.
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402. If only you knew
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403. a thing or two.
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404. Ooh, can I have this?
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405. I'm moving, I'm not dying.
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406. But don't you want me
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407. to have something
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408. to remember you by?
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409. Like 9,000
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410. of your favorite songs?
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411. Give it.
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412. I'm just trying
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413. to cheer you up.
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414. You can't cheer me up.
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415. I'm moving to Yakima.
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416. I'm gonna be a Yakimite...
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417. Or a Yakimaneeshin.
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418. Yakimaniac.
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419. You're Yakimannoying.
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420. So...
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421. What about our show?
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422. I don't see how we're gonna do
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423. "iCarly" anymore.
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424. Ugh, this whole thing's
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425. so lame.
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426. So Spencer's a little unusual.
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427. Big deal.
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428. It doesn't mean
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429. he can't take care of me.
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430. Hey, what if we think
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431. of a way for your granddad
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432. to see that Spencer's
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433. a good guardian?
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434. - Yeah.
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435. - How?
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436. I could pretend to do
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437. something really terrible.
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438. Right. Something that'll get
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439. Spencer really upset with you.
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440. Yeah, then he'll freak out
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441. and yell at me
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442. right in front of granddad.
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443. Which will make him realize
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444. Spencer's a responsible
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445. authority figure.
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446. I love it.
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447. So what bad thing
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448. are you gonna do?
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449. I don't know.
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450. Let's think of something.
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451. I enjoy this assignment.
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452. It's open!
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453. I thought you weren't coming
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454. to get Carly till later.
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455. She called and asked me
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456. to come here for dinner.
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457. - Oh, did she?
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458. - Yes.
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459. Maybe she's handling
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460. this whole thing
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461. more maturely than you are.
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462. Maybe she is.
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463. Must you look in my wok?
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464. I just wanna know
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465. what you're cooking for dinner.
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466. Chicken stir-fry. That okay?
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467. Or do you think mister chicken
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468. should go pack his bags
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469. and live with you in Yakima?
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470. Will you stop trying
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471. to pick fights with me?
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472. You're just mad because I don't
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473. want to be a lawyer like you.
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474. I love you, Spencer,
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475. but I love Carly, too,
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476. and as her grandfather,
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477. it's my responsibility
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478. to make sure that she—
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479. Hey, guys.
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480. - Oh, my God.
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481. - Oh, my God.
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482. Carly! What have you done?
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483. Well, I figured
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484. since I'm going to a new school,
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485. it's a perfect time to,
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486. you know, re-invent myself.
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487. - You like?
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488. - Like?
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489. You look fantastic!
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490. - What?
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491. - What?
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492. I mean, you really like it?
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493. Yeah!
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494. You got the crazy hair
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495. and the piercings.
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496. It's so in your face.
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497. You know, like... Boo!
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498. You approve of this?
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499. Give us a sec.
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500. How can you think
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501. she looks good like that?
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502. - I don't.
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503. - Then why did you tell her—
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504. - she's a little teenager.
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505. - But—
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506. you gotta let kids
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507. express themselves.
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508. I always let Carly
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509. express herself.
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510. Can I interrupt?
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511. - Not now!
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512. - Quiet, Carly.
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513. Look, this is just a phase.
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514. And what's her next phase?
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515. Stealing cars?
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516. Swimming with hobos?
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517. I don't think
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518. hobos enjoy swimming.
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519. This just proves
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520. that you're unfit
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521. to take care
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522. of my granddaughter.
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523. She's my little sister,
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524. and I am very responsible,
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525. no matter what you say.
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526. I know everything
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527. that goes on around here.
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528. Uh, guys?
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529. - What?
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530. - What?
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531. Fire!
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532. Don't just yell! Do something!
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533. Yes, we have a kitchen fire!
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534. Please send help right away!
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535. Aaah!
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536. Aw!
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537. And I just bought this broom!
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538. Aaah!
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539. Hey, don't worry,
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540. we're just gonna go—
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541. quiet! I'm saving your life!
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542. Aah!
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543. Careful with her!
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544. Run, old man, run!
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545. Aah! Aah!
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546. Aah!
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547. Too many people in my lobby!
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548. Keep off my floor!
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549. I just mopped!
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550. Aah!
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551. Just wait in the car, Mom!
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552. Man!
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553. Hey. Freddie texted me saying
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554. you guys had a fire.
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555. Nice rods and rings.
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556. If you like 'em, take 'em.
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557. I already told my granddad
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558. and Spencer they were fake.
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559. Why?
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560. 'Cause Spencer thought
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561. I looked good,
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562. then his chicken burst
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563. into flames,
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564. and now I'm moving to Yakima.
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565. So this fire is your fault.
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566. Mrs. Benson, please, I—
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567. Because of you, I had to stop
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568. right in the middle of rubbing
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569. anti-tick lotion on Freddie.
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570. Mom, I don't have ticks.
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571. They hide in your leg hair.
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572. I don't have leg hair!
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573. Which worries me deeply!
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574. I'm sorry.
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575. I was making dinner,
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576. and it caught on fire.
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577. Well, you're lucky
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578. no one got hurt.
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579. Anti-tick lotion?
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580. It's precautionary.
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581. You were right, okay?
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582. I am irresponsible.
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583. Carly should go live with you.
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584. Spencer.
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585. Well, I'm glad
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586. you see it my way, Spence.
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587. You can come visit
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588. any time you like.
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589. All right, fire's out.
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590. It's all clear.
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591. - How's the damage?
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592. - Nothing too bad.
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593. Mmm!
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594. This is some good
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595. chicken stir-fry.
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596. Okay.
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597. This is my last suitcase.
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598. I'm ready to ruin my life.
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599. Look, I know you're upset,
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600. kiddo,
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601. but once you smell
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602. that Yakima air,
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603. you'll feel better.
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604. Yes, the sweet smell of Yakima.
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605. - Here.
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606. - What's this?
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607. Everything you need to know
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608. about taking care of Carly.
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609. I listed all of her allergies,
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610. the number for poison control—
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611. - She has allergies?
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612. - Yes.
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613. These are Carly's
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614. favorite foods, drinks,
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615. soups, and chowders.
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616. Aren't soups
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617. and chowders the same thing?
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618. No, there's a distinction.
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619. Uh, this is her
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620. homework schedule
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621. and the number for a good tutor
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622. 'cause she's been having
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623. some trouble with science.
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624. Oh, and these are the vitamins
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625. she needs to take every day.
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626. I only give her the ones
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627. shaped like dinosaurs.
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628. Why?
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629. Dinosaurs are cool.
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630. Oh, she's really
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631. into drinking coffee...
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632. But I always give her decaf
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633. without telling her.
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634. - What?
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635. - Nothing.
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636. Keep it.
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637. Thank you, Spencer.
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638. This is, uh...
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639. Impressive.
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640. Wow, thanks.
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641. So, this is it.
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642. This is it.
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643. Be strong, Freddie.
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644. So, who's gonna take the blame
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645. when I put live lobsters
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646. in the trunk
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647. of miss Briggs' car?
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648. Will you at least try
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649. to stay out of trouble?
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650. Nope.
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651. Well, we should go.
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652. Long drive, lots of traffic.
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653. Okay, well, I guess this is—
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654. No!
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655. Freddie, let go of my legs.
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656. I got him.
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657. Sorry.
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658. Lost my cool
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659. for a sec there.
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660. You can't lose
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661. what you never had.
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662. Okay. Let's go.
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663. Aren't you gonna say
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664. goodbye to Spencer?
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665. We already did
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666. before you came up.
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667. Okay then.
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668. Will you guys come down
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669. to the lobby with me?
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670. - Sure.
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671. - Of course.
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672. Aw, man!
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673. Wait!
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674. Hello?
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675. No, Freddie's not here,
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676. Mrs. Benson.
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677. I don't know
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678. when I grew leg hair!
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679. I gotta go!
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680. Wait!
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681. Waah! More people!
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682. Aaah!
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683. Okay, the car's right out front.
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684. Oh, young man, would you mind
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685. getting the rest—
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686. Carly! Wait!
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687. You forgot this.
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688. What's that?
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689. My asthma inhaler?
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690. I haven't had an asthma attack
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691. since I was seven.
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692. Well, yeah, but you know,
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693. you never know.
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694. Why did you keep that
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695. all these years?
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696. In case she needed it.
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697. I'm not gonna need it.
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698. Take it.
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699. Just in case.
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700. Nah. I'm not gonna need this.
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701. Look, asthma's tricky—
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702. I'm not gonna need this
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703. because I want Carly
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704. to stay here with you.
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705. - Are you serious?
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706. - Really?
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707. - Thank you! Thank you so much!
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708. Could somebody remove
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709. this young man from my trousers?
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710. Just remember,
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711. I'll be dropping in on you guys
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712. from time to time.
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713. - Please!
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714. - Anytime!
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715. 'Cause I still think
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716. you're a bit of a nut-bar.
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717. Why? 'Cause I do this?
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718. Don't do that.
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719. You do it like this.
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720. You guys are so embarrassing.
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721. If you're gonna do it,
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722. do it right.
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