iCarly 1x4

Directed by Steve Hoefer

Lexi Ainsworth as Lexi • Austin Butler as Jake Crandle • Doug Brochu as Wrestler #1 • Chloe Carson as Baby • Norma Michaels as Jake's Grandmother

After Jake, Carly's crush, agrees to sing a song on the webcast, Carly gets extremely excited. But, it is soon discovered that Jake is a terrible singer, so Carly asks Freddie to digitally enhance Jake's performance.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - Check out our web show

2. at iCarly.com.

3. Hey, watch "iCarly"

4. this weekend.

5. It's gonna be hot.

6. iCarly.com.

7. Hey, Wesley,

8. watch iCarly this weekend.

9. It's gonna be a great show.

10. iCarly.Com.

11. Okay, see ya!

12. Hey, check out our web show

13. at iCarly.com.

14. Thanks.

15. Hey, Jeremy,

16. you've heard of our web show,

17. right?

18. Sure.

19. I've seen every episo—

20. Flyer?

21. Yes, please.

22. Thank you.

23. You keep that.

24. You're nice.

25. Didn't he have a cold

26. last week?

27. Last week,

28. the week before that...

29. Why are we talking weeks?

30. That lump's been blowing

31. his nose

32. non-stop since first grade.

33. Hey, Tasha, check out

34. our web show this weekend.

35. iCarly.com?

36. - That's us.

37. - We rock.

38. Um, if your web show

39. was worth "checking out,"

40. I'd have read about it

41. on Nevelocity.com.

42. Hey, just 'cause our show

43. wasn't reviewed on Nevelocity

44. doesn't mean it's not cool.

45. Actually, it does.

46. Nevel writes about everything

47. that's cool on the web,

48. and since he's never written

49. anything about iCarly,

50. I guess your web show's lame.

51. She irks me.

52. I wanna do bad things

53. to that chick.

54. You should.

55. - I will.

56. - Cool.

57. What we you gonna...

58. Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing?

59. I didn't mean me! Look out!

60. - In five, four, three, two...

61. Hey, kiddo!

62. I'm home, and I got bags!

63. Oh, yay, you went shopping.

64. What'd ya get?

65. Well, y'see—

66. Butter. Butter.

67. Butter...

68. Oh, look. Butter.

69. I bought a lot of butter.

70. Clearly. This all you got?

71. No.

72. I also got this thingy

73. that makes the water

74. in your toilet turn blue.

75. - Great.

76. So for dinner we can have

77. butter and blue toilet water.

78. This butter is not for eating.

79. I got hired to create

80. a big sculpture.

81. Made of butter.

82. Yeah, for the bread convention.

83. See...

84. It's Toasty the Baker!

85. He's the mascot,

86. and they hired me

87. to make a giant sculpture

88. of him out of butter.

89. - Ahh.

90. - Ask me what I'm getting paid.

91. Okay, what are you—

92. Money, baby!

93. - Sweet!

94. - Sweet like corn syrup!

95. - High fructose?

96. - The highest!

97. Okay, so what are we doing

98. for dinner?

99. What's that little

100. tween belly hungry for?

101. Whatever.

102. First, just lemme finish

103. this e-mail.

104. Sure. Who ya writing?

105. This guy, Nevel,

106. who runs a big website.

107. - Nevelocity.

108. - Yeah.

109. I'm trying to get him

110. to check out our next Webcast

111. and maybe write a review of it.

112. Oh, that'd be killer.

113. Everybody reads Nevelocity.

114. No kidding.

115. "Please write back. Carly."

116. There. All sent. Let's hit it.

117. Um, well, yeah,

118. but first I was kinda hoping—

119. You wanna go make

120. the toilet water turn blue?

121. - So much.

122. - Do it.

123. Yeah!

124. - Happy?

125. - Uh-huh.

126. In five, four, three, two.

127. Hey! Welcome to iCarly!

128. Check out our

129. flashy new graphic!

130. - Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

131. - Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

132. Okay! I'm Carly—

133. I'm Sam—

134. And we like to draw families

135. on our toes!

136. Observe!

137. Uh-oh.

138. Earthquake!

139. Okay, if you thought

140. that video was cool—

141. Check out this kid

142. from New York.

143. He's a crump dancer.

144. He enjoys crumping.

145. And he does it covered

146. in peanut butter.

147. Crump it up, peanut boy!

148. This is for you.

149. iCarly.com.

150. Unbelievable.

151. But is he smooth or crunchy?

152. And does he have a girlfriend

153. covered in jelly?

154. - Important questions!

155. - Important questions!

156. Okay, next on iCarly,

157. we're gonna—

158. um, who's coming up

159. the elevator?

160. Oh, I, uh...

161. I ordered Chinese food.

162. During the show?

163. There's no wrong time

164. to eat an egg roll.

165. Ahh!

166. Okay, looks like

167. we have a surprise visitor

168. here on iCarly.

169. Hi, food delivery guy!

170. What's your name?

171. Chuck.

172. - Chuck.

173. - Chuck.

174. Have you ever been interviewed,

175. Chuck?

176. No.

177. So, Chuck, where ya from?

178. Wisconsin.

179. Are you in college?

180. No.

181. Okay. Um... Oh!

182. What's the weirdest thing

183. that's ever happened to you

184. while you were delivering food?

185. I don't know.

186. Chuck, you're very boring.

187. And that means

188. it's time for this.

189. Random dancing!

190. Our most important

191. webcast ever,

192. and you bring

193. on a food delivery guy

194. who was born

195. without a personality.

196. The show was still awesome.

197. Hey, you guys got an e-mail

198. from Nevel Papperman.

199. Nevelocity!

200. - Move!

201. - Aah!

202. C'mon! What'd the man say?

203. He says he loved our web show,

204. and he wants to interview me.

205. Oh, my God!

206. - I can't believe it!

207. - Yes! Isn't that cool?

208. - iCarly is on its way, baby.

209. - If Nevel interviews you—

210. Hey! Your toilet water's blue!

211. Look it!

212. I'll get more.

213. Now he gets a personality.

214. Who's the dude

215. playing in our toilet?

216. Hey.

217. Hmm?

218. Why is it so cold in here?

219. Oh, I turned

220. the air conditioner up

221. so my butter sculpture

222. won't melt.

223. Ah. So you ready to drive me

224. to Nevel's for my interview?

225. Yep. Let's hit it.

226. My hands have, um—

227. - Butter?

228. - Yeah.

229. Uh. I got 'em though.

230. Let's go!

231. Let's.

232. I really think

233. you should wait in the car.

234. No way.

235. You don't know this Nevel guy.

236. What if he's a weirdo?

237. Aww, I got butter on my elbow.

238. - Spence?

239. - Mm-hmm?

240. It's not possible!

241. Hi, you must be Carly.

242. Yes, ma'am. And this is

243. my brother, Spencer.

244. - Nice to meet you.

245. - Please come in.

246. Nevel is so excited

247. to meet you.

248. He has been talking

249. about your web show all week.

250. He just loves it.

251. Well, I'm a big fan

252. of his website.

253. Oh, thank you.

254. How long have you

255. and Nevel been married?

256. Married?

257. I'm sorry, I think

258. you might be mistaking him

259. for someone a little—

260. Carly Shay, live and in person.

261. It is so exciting to meet you.

262. I'm Nevel Papperman.

263. - You're Nevel?

264. - You're just a little kid.

265. He's so cute.

266. I created and now run

267. one of the world's most

268. visited websites,

269. which gets over five million

270. page views per day.

271. - I'm not "cute."

272. - Yeah, you are.

273. I can tell 'cause I wanna

274. mess up your hair.

275. Who's cute?

276. Who's a cute Nevel?

277. Who gets

278. five million page views?

279. You do!

280. Mother—

281. Uh, why don't you and I

282. go in the kitchen?

283. I'll make you some tea.

284. - Will there be lemon?

285. - Yes.

286. - All right then.

287. - Come on.

288. Please. Sit.

289. - Hand sanitizer?

290. - Uhhh—

291. Do you know

292. that trillions of germs

293. are living

294. on your hand-skin right now?

295. Really?

296. Thanks.

297. Sure.

298. You know, I was really

299. impressed with your web show.

300. Thanks so much.

301. That really means a lot.

302. I know.

303. I think my readers

304. will be very interested

305. to learn more about you.

306. What type of shampoo

307. do you use?

308. Huh?

309. Kiwi salon with Jasmine,

310. for normal to dry hair?

311. Wow, you have an amazing nose.

312. Yes.

313. You must love flowers.

314. Oh, I hate flowers.

315. Bugs sit upon them

316. and make poo.

317. Okay.

318. Oh, hmm...

319. Look at this.

320. It's an X-ray of my brain.

321. Ah, interesting.

322. Big, isn't it?

323. Yeah. That's one beefy brain

324. you got there.

325. Thank you.

326. - Are you hungry?

327. - No.

328. - I'll fetch you a snack.

329. - But—

330. - Yeah?

331. - Sam! Where are you?

332. Your house, watching TV.

333. Well, you're not gonna

334. believe...

335. My house?

336. How'd you get in?

337. - I know where you and Spencer

338. hide the key.

339. How's the interview going?

340. Weirdly. First of all,

341. Nevel's not a man.

342. - He's a kid.

343. - What? How old?

344. Like eleven. And he's creepy.

345. - Well, be nice to him.

346. You know how important

347. this review is for our show.

348. Millions of people

349. read his site.

350. Don't upset the kid.

351. But what if he—

352. - Carly?

353. Man, why's it so cold in here?

354. I brought you crackers

355. and some of my mother's

356. homemade tapenade.

357. Tapenade?

358. It's a spread made of olives,

359. garlic, and capers.

360. Try some.

361. Oh, I really don't think

362. tapenade's something I'd,

363. you know—

364. Oh, my god, that's awesome!

365. Isn't it?

366. Please, sit.

367. Do you think fireplaces

368. are romantic?

369. Uh, yeah, I guess.

370. You've guessed correctly.

371. Do you like music?

372. Uh, yeah, sure.

373. Would you like to dance?

374. Dance?

375. Look, I don't wanna sound rude,

376. but I really didn't come here

377. to dance.

378. Could you just interview me

379. about the web...

380. Nevel!

381. I stole a kiss

382. upon your cheek,

383. and now another kiss I seek.

384. Seek some tapenade!

385. Spencer!

386. You shouldn't have done that,

387. Carly Shay!

388. You'll rue this day!

389. You'll rue it!

390. You got a little...

391. Nevel's only eleven?

392. Yes, now stop speaking.

393. Tell us what happened.

394. Okay, I got there,

395. Nevel sat next to me,

396. he sniffed my hair,

397. he showed me

398. an X-ray of his brain,

399. he tried to make me dance,

400. and then he kissed me!

401. Whoa! He kissed you?

402. That jerk!

403. Come show my lips

404. exactly what he did.

405. Yeah, I don't think so.

406. You just keep making out

407. with your stuffed animals.

408. Tell us what happened

409. after he kissed you.

410. I pushed tapenade in his face,

411. and then he got all furious

412. and said I'd "rue the day."

413. What is "tapenade"?

414. A spread made of olives,

415. garlic, and capers.

416. - Eww.

417. - Gross.

418. It's actually really good,

419. I can't explain it.

420. And what did he mean,

421. you'd "rue the day?"

422. Yeah, what does "rue" mean?

423. No one knows!

424. I got it right here.

425. "Roux.

426. A mixture of fat and flour

427. used to make sauces and soups."

428. Nevel called you a fat flower?

429. Try spelling it differently.

430. Oh, okay, here.

431. "Rue. To regret.

432. To wish that something

433. had never been done."

434. Uh-oh.

435. You know what this means?

436. 'Course.

437. He's gonna make me regret

438. shoving tapenade in his face

439. by trashing iCarly

440. on his stupid website.

441. We're dead.

442. I'm gonna go

443. scrub his creepy lip residue

444. off my cheek.

445. Hey, why isn't it cold

446. in here?

447. Toasty the Baker. Good God!

448. Aah! What?

449. Toasty!

450. Gross. It's like a giant baby

451. threw up.

452. Why?

453. I told you

454. not to turn the heat up.

455. What?

456. I never even—

457. - It's too late for apologies.

458. - But I didn't turn the—

459. It's okay! It's okay.

460. I just need a mop and bucket...

461. and 28 more pounds of butter!

462. - Spencer.

463. - Mrs. Benson.

464. Freddie, your mom's here!

465. I came over

466. because I heard screaming.

467. Freddie, are you all right?

468. Yes, Mom.

469. He's fine, but I really—

470. You know he's allergic

471. to fruit?

472. Aw! Who's got a fruit problem?

473. Not me.

474. I am not allergic to fruit!

475. Well, what if you were?

476. He'd probably

477. give you an orange,

478. and then

479. your face would puff up.

480. I would love that.

481. Look, I gave him no fruit.

482. Now please, I'm out of butter—

483. False!

484. I saw you come home yesterday

485. carrying grocery bags

486. filled with butter.

487. You spied on me?

488. No, I just happened

489. to be glancing

490. through my peephole.

491. That butter's gone.

492. And so am I.

493. What've you done

494. with all that butter?

495. Freddie, I want you to take

496. a bubble bath tonight.

497. Spencer!

498. I didn't give him any fruit!

499. Cool mom.

500. Nevelocity.com.

501. This is gonna be bad.

502. Maybe not.

503. He said I'd rue the day,

504. and I have a feeling

505. the ruing's about to begin.

506. Just 'cause he hates you

507. personally doesn't mean

508. he's gonna give our show

509. a bad review.

510. Uh...

511. get ready to rue.

512. You found Nevel's review?

513. Read it!

514. "iCarly,

515. or, as it should be called,

516. iBoring."

517. - You see?

518. - Boring?

519. Keep going. Let's hear it.

520. "This webcast stars Carly Shay,

521. an unappealing

522. 13-year-old girl."

523. Yeah, if I'm so "unappealing"

524. then why were you

525. sniffing my hair

526. and chomping on my cheek?

527. - Keep going.

528. - "My advice,

529. "If you're trying to decide

530. between watching iCarly

531. and going to prison,

532. choose prison.

533. You'll have more fun in jail

534. than you ever will

535. at iCarly. lame."

536. That's so unfair.

537. At least he didn't call you

538. a fat flower.

539. Yeah, but now everybody's

540. gonna read that review

541. and stop watching us.

542. No, they're not.

543. Why aren't they?

544. 'Cause we're gonna

545. make Nevel admit

546. that he loves our webcast,

547. and he only wrote

548. that mean stuff

549. 'cause I didn't wanna be

550. his little girlfriend.

551. Yeah.

552. Let's make him regret

553. writing that review.

554. Oh, he's not just gonna

555. regret it.

556. He's gonna rue it.

557. Don't worry, Toasty.

558. Soon, you'll be back

559. and butter than ever.

560. Thank God no one heard that.

561. I'm coming!

562. I am Nevel.

563. I'm coming in now.

564. Okay.

565. - Carly invited me here.

566. - I know.

567. She said she wants

568. to apologize to me

569. for her obnoxious behavior.

570. Well, I think

571. she feels bad about it.

572. Good.

573. Where is Carly?

574. Up on the third floor.

575. You can take the elevator

576. or the stairs there.

577. What is that?

578. Oh, I'm an artist.

579. I'm making a sculpture

580. out of butter.

581. Your work disgusts me.

582. Nevel's a stupid name.

583. Carly?

584. Hello?

585. Carly?

586. What the—

587. Who are you?

588. What's going on?

589. Hello, Nevel.

590. I see you've met our friend,

591. Jeremy.

592. Or as we like to call him,

593. "Germy."

594. The germiest kid

595. in our whole school.

596. It's true.

597. I'm a mess.

598. Stop it! I can't stand germs!

599. Then you better tell the truth.

600. Admit that you like iCarly...

601. And that your review was a lie.

602. Let go of me!

603. Freddie, roll camera.

604. Rolling.

605. Tell the truth, Nevel.

606. I don't know

607. what you're talking about!

608. Stop it, sick-o!

609. Let go of me!

610. No way.

611. They're paying me to do this.

612. - How much?

613. - Five bucks.

614. I'll give you ten

615. to release me.

616. - Deal.

617. - Ha! Now you get nothing!

618. You feel the rue?

619. You feel it?

620. He outsmarted me.

621. He outsmarted all of us.

622. Why does he have to have

623. such a big brain?

624. - So what are we gonna do now?

625. - I don't know.

626. How do you take down

627. a brilliant,

628. powerful eleven-year-old boy?

629. Mother, I'm home from school.

630. Nevel Papperman.

631. Did you write a bad review

632. of this girl's web show

633. just because

634. you were angry with her?

635. You told my mom on me?

636. Nevel!

637. Okay, yes!

638. But only 'cause she rubbed

639. my face with tapenade!

640. 'Cause you kissed me

641. in a surprise attack.

642. Shh, shh, shh!

643. You told me

644. you thought girls were yucky.

645. That was last year!

646. I'm going through changes.

647. You just go to your room

648. and write an honest review

649. of Carly's web show.

650. Which you said you loved.

651. - A lot.

652. - Yeah, Papperman!

653. Go on.

654. Can I call you?

655. Get outta here!

656. Germs!

657. Tapenade?

658. Oh, and those little crackers.

659. Mmm!