iCarly 1x25

Directed by Roger S. Christiansen

Noah Munck as Gibby Gibson • Ashley Argota as Kathy • Sky Soleil as FBI Agent • Jessica Makinson as Lauren Ackerman • Dylan Sprayberry as Matthew

Lauren Ackerman, Carly's history teacher has become an emotional wreck after her boyfriend dumps her, and she takes her heartache out on everybody in class, including Carly. When Spencer discovers her agony during what passes for a parent-teacher conference, he decides to be her new knight in shining armor and fills the hole in her heart. Though things go smoothly for Spencer, Miss Ackerman, and her class at first, soon Spencer, Carly, Sam, and Freddie find that it's going to take a lot more than just a little loving to keep the teacher happy, and her class safe.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - How did you drop

2. your textbook in the water?

3. - My bathtub study tray broke.

4. - You have a bathtub

5. study tray?

6. - Yeah.

7. - Oh, my God.

8. - Hi.

9. - Hey.

10. - Why do you have

11. a bowling ball?

12. - Don't ask why.

13. Just pretend you don't see it,

14. and that way we won't be

15. a part of the tragedy

16. that's about to happen.

17. - Hey! All set.

18. - Okay people, unless you're

19. a bowling pin, move!

20. - No way you can knock

21. both of them down.

22. - Don't doubt my ball skills!

23. - What's wrong with

24. Miss Ackerman?

25. - What did you do to her, Sam?

26. - I know why

27. Miss Ackerman's upset.

28. - Why?

29. - What happened?

30. - Her boyfriend

31. dumped her last night.

32. - No way!

33. - What?

34. - Yep. You didn't hear it

35. from me.

36. - We've got to get to class.

37. - Sure.

38. Right after I knock down

39. these last two pins.

40. - With one throw? Not possible.

41. - We'll see.

42. - I'll call the school nurse.

43. - In five, four, three, two...

44. - This is super-weird.

45. - She's been like that

46. for 20 minutes.

47. - I'm going to go talk to her.

48. Miss Ackerman, are you okay?

49. - Yes.

50. Sit down!

51. - Okay!

52. - Now I want you all to write

53. a 10-page essay

54. on the Louisiana Purchase.

55. - We haven't even gotten

56. to that chapter yet.

57. - Too bad!

58. Sometimes things happen

59. you're not prepared for.

60. - But how are we supposed

61. to write an essay

62. on something you haven't

63. taught us about yet?

64. - I don't need your sass,

65. Carly Shay!

66. - Sass?

67. - Look, it's not fair

68. to make us write 10 pages—

69. - Let's make it 15 pages!

70. Yeah, that's right. Ow.

71. I'm going to get some aspirin.

72. Start reading chapter whatever!

73. - I'm not sassy!

74. - Her boyfriend must have

75. dumped her hard!

76. - No kidding. Lady's losing it!

77. - Sometimes I'm bold,

78. but I'm never sassy!

79. - Freddie, why aren't you

80. reading chapter whatever?

81. - Oh, um, ahem,

82. because I dropped my textbook

83. in the bathtub last night.

84. - Of course.

85. You men are all the same.

86. You lose interest

87. in your textbook,

88. and then you just dump it

89. in your filthy bathwater!

90. - Miss Ackerman, you don't need

91. to yell at Freddie

92. in front of the whole class.

93. - Oh, look, more backtalk

94. from the sass-master!

95. - I am not the sass-master!

96. And it's wrong for you

97. to be mean to Freddie

98. just 'cause your boyfriend

99. broke up with you!

100. - Wow, Carls, maybe you are

101. the sass-master!

102. - Now you go straight

103. to the principal's office!

104. - What?

105. - You heard me. Go! Now!

106. - What do I—Miss—

107. - Get out!

108. - Oh!

109. - F. F. F.

110. - Excuse me, Miss Ackerman?

111. - What?

112. - I'm Spencer Shay,

113. Carly's older brother.

114. - What do you have there?

115. - Frozen yogurt.

116. - There's no eating

117. in my classroom!

118. - Sit down.

119. - Yes, ma'am.

120. - So Principal Franklin said

121. you wanted to speak to me

122. about Carly's behavior?

123. - That's right. She sassed me

124. in front of my entire class.

125. - Right. We talked about it,

126. and she regrets her sass.

127. But she felt she needed

128. to defend Freddie.

129. Felt like it wasn't fair for—

130. - Did I say something—

131. - Hey, come on! Don't cry.

132. Blue skies.

133. - No!

134. - No!

135. - Why are you crying?

136. - Well, this is how I used

137. to get Carly

138. to stop crying

139. when she was little.

140. - Oh.

141. - And if that didn't work,

142. little Carly

143. could expect a surprise visit

144. from the Tickle Monster!

145. No, no, I can't take this!

146. No. No!

147. I'm sorry.

148. It's just that I recently

149. broke up with my boyfriend,

150. and it's been rough.

151. - Oh, don't beat yourself.

152. We've all been through

153. some bad breakups.

154. - Yeah. So do you have

155. a girlfriend now, or—

156. - No.

157. I got a goldfish.

158. But we're just friends.

159. - So do you want to go

160. get some coffee, or something?

161. - Sure. I make great coffee.

162. I also have cookies.

163. The soft kind.

164. - Really?

165. - Mm-hmm. Want to come over?

166. - That sounds nice.

167. - Well, then!

168. Through the door, teacher lady!

169. It's okay, little guy.

170. - Do you want me to stop?

171. - No.

172. It hurts too good!

173. No.

174. - Miss Ackerman?

175. - Hi, Carly.

176. - Hi. Not that I'm not happy

177. to see you,

178. but why are you here

179. standing on my brother?

180. - Because she has magic feet.

181. Ahh!

182. - I spent six months

183. in Thailand

184. learning the art of back

185. walking massage.

186. - Oh, those Thailamanians

187. taught you good.

188. - So, coffee, snacks,

189. back walking—

190. what's going on here?

191. - Well, after our

192. guardian-teacher conference

193. at your school,

194. we decided to come back here

195. for coffee and cookies.

196. - Soft cookies.

197. - Okay. Well, I'm just going

198. to go upstairs

199. and try to make myself

200. comfortable with all this.

201. - No, why don't you hang down

202. here with us for a while?

203. - You can watch me

204. give Spencer a haircut.

205. - Try it and I'll call

206. the scissor police.

207. - Oh, no, give me your hair!

208. - No!

209. - Give it to me, come on!

210. - I love my hair! I love it!

211. - Come on!

212. - It's all luxurious!

213. - Just a little, Spencer!

214. - No!

215. - I know, you're very pretty.

216. You're very pretty!

217. - Get back with those! No!

218. - Okay everyone,

219. I know you were

220. all expecting a test today,

221. but instead, I've decided

222. to give you all

223. A plusses, and caramel apples!

224. Pass those around

225. while I make a phone call.

226. - Okay.

227. Spencer dating Miss Ackerman

228. is the best thing

229. that's happened at this school

230. since that lunch lady

231. fell in that giant gravy pot.

232. - Hi, Spencer!

233. No, I was just missing you.

234. Did you get my text message?

235. Did you think it was cute?

236. No, you aren't—stop it!

237. I can't take it!

238. - It's just a little weird

239. seeing a teacher in my house.

240. - Weird, how?

241. - Weird like

242. when she comes up

243. for dinner, I feel like

244. I have to raise my hand

245. to say, "Pass the peas."

246. - Ew, peas?

247. - Not the point.

248. - Yeah, the point is,

249. this could not get better.

250. - Hey kids,

251. instead of class tomorrow,

252. how would you all like

253. to come ice skating

254. with Spencer and me?

255. - Yeah!

256. - Just got better.

257. - Awww!

258. Carly, could you get the door?

259. I'm not dressed yet!

260. - Okay.

261. - Whoa, Miss Ackerman,

262. you look sort of, like, hot!

263. - Really?

264. - Yeah. Come on in.

265. Spencer's just finishing

266. getting dressed.

267. - Hey! I just got the new cable

268. for the—whoa!

269. - I also said "whoa."

270. - Hi, Freddie,

271. what are you doing here?

272. - I was just coming over

273. to help

274. working on the web show

275. with Carly.

276. Whoa!

277. - Okay, why don't we

278. go upstairs

279. before you start drooling.

280. - Have fun, you guys.

281. - Go!

282. - Wow! You look fantastic.

283. - Thanks! I got you a present.

284. - What for?

285. - Our one week anniversary.

286. - Aww, how great are you?

287. - Very. Open it.

288. - No! A Pear Pod?

289. - Uh-huh.

290. And it's loaded up with 500

291. of the best songs, ever.

292. - Five hundred songs, that must

293. have cost you a fortune!

294. - Well, Pear Pod wasn't cheap,

295. but I just downloaded the songs

296. from one of those music

297. sharing websites.

298. Oh, I think you've got

299. something boiling over

300. on your stove.

301. - Ahh!

302. Whoo!

303. You saved my soup's life.

304. Which means you deserve

305. some passion fruit punch.

306. - Mmm. Sweet!

307. - Mm-hmm.

308. Mmm.

309. - Mmm.

310. - Mm-hmm.

311. - So where were you today

312. between 3:15 and 3:40?

313. What do you mean?

314. - Well, I called you,

315. one, two,

316. three, four, five, six times

317. between 3:15 and 3:40,

318. and you didn't pick up.

319. - You write down every time

320. you call me?

321. - Well, we're dating.

322. I like to know where you are.

323. - Every minute of every day?

324. - Yes.

325. - Really?

326. - Really.

327. - Huh. I'm going to go carve

328. Mr. Chicken now.

329. - All right.

330. So where do you think you were?

331. Just take a guess.

332. - I don't know.

333. I think maybe I was—

334. - Liar!

335. - Ahhh

336. Love me!

337. - Uhh—

338. - Okay, how about this?

339. What if you guys

340. do an "iCarly" segment

341. where you compare vegetables?

342. - What?

343. - You talk about squash

344. and Carly

345. talks about asparagus.

346. - What?

347. - You see, this is why Carly

348. and me are the creative ones

349. and you're

350. the technical producer,

351. who really shouldn't talk

352. so much in these meetings!

353. - Carly—

354. - Carly!

355. - Let's take a break.

356. - Yeah.

357. Let's talk about how awesome

358. it is

359. that Ackerman never gives us

360. homework anymore.

361. - Yeah, we really owe Spencer.

362. - Big time.

363. - Can you believe how mean

364. Ackerman got after her

365. last boyfriend dumped her?

366. - Oh, she was going

367. to ruin our lives!

368. - No doubt.

369. We're just lucky that—

370. - Hey.

371. - Hey.

372. - Where's Miss Ackerman?

373. - She left. I dumped her.

374. - Hey Freddie!

375. - I can't talk!

376. I'm trying to prepare for

377. Miss Ackerman's pop quiz

378. on chapter seven.

379. - We're having a pop quiz?

380. - Probably.

381. You saw how she treated us

382. last time she got dumped!

383. - Oh, man, he's right.

384. Give me that thing!

385. I've got to start writing stuff

386. down on my arms.

387. - How much information

388. can you write on two arms?

389. - Yeah, I'm going to need

390. more space.

391. I'll be in the bathroom.

392. - Wait, the book!

393. - Get your own book!

394. - That is my own! Ah!

395. - Oh, Miss Ackerman's coming.

396. Be cool.

397. Maybe she won't notice us.

398. - Good morning, Carly,

399. good morning, Freddie.

400. How are two of my

401. favorite students today?

402. - Fine.

403. - Good.

404. You sure are in a good mood.

405. - Yeah, why wouldn't I be?

406. - Well, we sort of heard

407. that you and Spencer

408. broke up last night.

409. - No no no no no,

410. we just had a little spat.

411. No, Spencer and I

412. are still very much together.

413. - Oh.

414. - So, no pop quiz today?

415. - Of course not,

416. you silly goose peoples!

417. - Here. Take your book.

418. I'm all set.

419. - You don't need to be.

420. - We just saw Miss Ackerman.

421. No pop quiz.

422. - So I did this for nothing?

423. - Hi! We need to talk.

424. - Sure, in a minute.

425. I've got to finish

426. pumping the guns.

427. - Pop your guns later.

428. Miss Ackerman's

429. on her way over here.

430. She thinks you two

431. are still dating.

432. - Ohh!

433. Ahh. What is wrong

434. with that woman?

435. - She's looney.

436. Looney in the head!

437. - Oh man, why didn't you

438. call and tell me?

439. I could have been

440. in Canada by now.

441. - I don't think

442. Canada's gonna—

443. - It's her!

444. - Why couldn't I have been

445. born with wings?

446. - You're not a cockatoo.

447. Be a man!

448. - All right.

449. I'm going to set

450. that lady straight.

451. - No!

452. - Right. What?

453. - Spencer!

454. - What happened!

455. - Don't upset her!

456. - But I don't want

457. to go out with her!

458. - I know. Tell her that,

459. but say it nicely and sweetly

460. so she doesn't ruin

461. our lives in school.

462. - Okay. Nicely.

463. - And sweetly.

464. I'll be upstairs.

465. - Boo!

466. Hi Lauren, what a surprise.

467. - So where should we go

468. for dinner tonight?

469. Do you like Italian food?

470. - Yeah. But Lauren—

471. - I know we had a little

472. argument, but it's okay.

473. I'm not mad at you anymore.

474. And I brought you a panda pig.

475. - A panda pig?

476. - Yeah!

477. You said your two

478. favorite animals

479. were a panda bear and a pig.

480. So I cut off the head of a big

481. and I sewed it

482. onto the body of a panda bear.

483. For you!

484. - Oh, that's not weird!

485. Lauren, I don't want

486. to go out with you anymore.

487. - Spencer, I think

488. you're just overreacting.

489. - No,

490. I think you're underreacting.

491. Seriously,

492. I don't want to date you.

493. - If you're trying to tell me

494. something, just say it!

495. - I don't want

496. to date you.

497. - Fine! Then I'm just

498. going to do this!

499. - That was a loud slam.

500. Did you break up with her?

501. - Yep.

502. She didn't handle it well.

503. - Were you gentle and sweet?

504. - Yes!

505. But she wasn't.

506. - Okay class, this pop quiz

507. is going to count

508. for 90%

509. of your final grade.

510. - Miss Ackerman, you forgot

511. to give me a quiz.

512. - That's right.

513. Because I already graded yours.

514. - You gave me an F on a quiz

515. I never took?

516. - That's right!

517. F, F, F, F-ity F, F!

518. - Okay, that is jank!

519. - Life is jank!

520. Because sometimes certain

521. little girls' brothers dump you

522. for no good reason.

523. - Miss Ackerman,

524. I didn't mean to—

525. - There's no talking

526. during the quiz!

527. - But it's not my fault—

528. - That tears it!

529. You give me 100 jumping jacks!

530. - Huh?

531. - That's so not fair.

532. - You too, flapjack.

533. One hundred jumping jacks,

534. with her in the corner.

535. - Man, you're off your nut!

536. - Is that so?

537. Well, then—

538. - Yeah, yeah, I know.

539. Now I've got to go

540. do jumping jacks.

541. - No.

542. You are going to wash my car.

543. - Faster. I want those faster!

544. Faster.

545. I want to see you sweating.

546. - What are we going to do?

547. - We're going to tell Spencer

548. to call Miss Ackerman

549. and start dating her again.

550. - No. I'm not going to make

551. my brother's life miserable

552. just to make ours easier.

553. - Come on.

554. Having a miserable life's

555. not all that bad.

556. Sometimes my mother laughs.

557. - Why can't Spencer

558. just date her?

559. - Because the woman's

560. a big bobble of crazy sauce!

561. But—

562. - But what?

563. - I think I might know a way

564. to fix this.

565. - Good.

566. - How?

567. - "iCarly."

568. - Our web show?

569. - No, our potato farm!

570. - Okay, now to close the show,

571. we're going to do something

572. a little bit different

573. on "iCarly."

574. - Please say hello to someone

575. you've met here before,

576. my big brother, Spencer.

577. - Thanks for coming, Spence.

578. - Do you know why you're here?

579. - No, because you wouldn't

580. tell me why I'm here.

581. - That's because we have

582. a little surprise for you.

583. - Ooh!

584. - Come on out here,

585. Miss Ackerman!

586. - What is going on?

587. - Just go with it.

588. - Ohh!

589. - All right.

590. This is our history teacher,

591. who very kindly agreed

592. to appear on our show.

593. - Hello.

594. - Spencer and Miss Ackerman

595. had been dating,

596. but they've been having

597. some relationship problems.

598. - So we're going

599. to talk to them.

600. And then you guys

601. can vote online,

602. right here at iCarly.com—

603. - To tell us

604. whether it's time for them

605. to make up or break up.

606. - I'm not comfortable

607. with this.

608. - Shh.

609. So Spencer, why do you feel

610. that you and Miss Ackerman

611. are having problems?

612. - She seemed nice at first,

613. but then I realized she's

614. totally insa—not my type.

615. - And Miss Ackerman, where

616. do you feel things went wrong?

617. - I don't know.

618. I tried to be

619. a good girlfriend.

620. I brought him presents.

621. - What kind of presents?

622. - Well,

623. a customized stuffed animal,

624. and a brand new Pear Pod

625. with 500 songs on it.

626. - Wow. A lot of songs.

627. You buy them all on Pear Tunes?

628. - No, I just downloaded them

629. from one of those

630. music sharing websites.

631. But it's not about how much

632. a person spends,

633. it's the thought that counts.

634. - You make a good point.

635. - Okay, "iCarly" viewers,

636. it's time to vote,

637. right here at iCarly.com.

638. - Just look under the pics

639. of Spencer and Miss Ackerman—

640. - And vote

641. Make Up or Break Up.

642. - Can I say one more thing

643. before they vote?

644. - No.

645. - Sit down!

646. - Is that it?

647. - That's it.

648. - Well, what's the vote?

649. - The "iCarly" viewers say

650. that you and Spencer should—

651. - Break up.

652. - Ahh! I'm deeply sorry.

653. - Yeah, right.

654. - Listen, we know you feel bad.

655. - Want a bite of my burrito?

656. - No.

657. And if the vote says

658. that we shouldn't be together,

659. then I hate you!

660. And the internet!

661. Ow!

662. - Okay, what was the point

663. of all this?

664. Now she's just going to be

665. mean and vicious

666. to you guys at school.

667. - I don't know.

668. - A lot of people

669. watch "iCarly."

670. - And sometimes—

671. - We make sure

672. certain specific people watch.

673. - Yes. Yes, we do.

674. - You guys are up to something,

675. and I don't want

676. to know what it is!

677. - I hope you all haven't made

678. any plans for this weekend,

679. 'cause you're going to be up

680. to your eyeballs in homework.

681. - When?

682. - Soon.

683. - And today, you will all write

684. one thousand words

685. on why men are dirty, rotten,

686. stinktatious, ungrateful—

687. - Lauren Ackerman?

688. - Yes, who are you people?

689. - FBI. You're under arrest.

690. - Arrest? For what?

691. - Five hundred counts

692. for illegally downloading music

693. on the internet.

694. - You have no proof!

695. - Yes we do. Ma'am?

696. - I believe all the proof

697. we need is on this Pear Pod.

698. - And you admitted it last

699. night on those kids' web show.

700. - Which we recorded.

701. - You set me up!

702. - That's a lie!

703. - No, we set her up.

704. - Oh, yeah.

705. - Oh!

706. - So now what do we do?

707. - We should probably tell

708. Principal Franklin

709. that our teacher's

710. been arrested.

711. - Or we could go ice skating!

712. - Hey, "iCarly" people,

713. you guys know how you do

714. Wake Up Spencer in iCarly.com?

715. Okay, watch me wake up my dad

716. with a bucket full

717. of ping pong balls.

718. - Ahh! Ahh!

719. Matthew, come back here

720. right now!