1. Okay, Freddie's never late
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2. for iCarly.
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3. Are you worried?
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4. If I wasn't worried,
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5. would I be drinking water
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6. with this expression
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7. on my face?
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8. Sorry.
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9. I was watchin' this show
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10. on the tech channel
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11. that was really—
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12. Millions of people are signing
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13. on to iCarly.Com right now,
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14. so could you please pick up
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15. your pretty little camera
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16. and count backwards from five?
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17. Okay, in five, four,
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18. three, two...
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19. Hi! Welcome to iCarly.
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20. Hey!
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21. Okay, tonight on iCarly,
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22. we're gonna do
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23. one of our favorite segments.
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24. One we like to call...
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25. "Who's that weirdo
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26. in my neighborhood?"
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27. You see, Freddie...
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28. Our technical weenie...
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29. Producer!
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30. He mounts
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31. a secret little camera
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32. right outside this building...
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33. Then aims it at the bus stop
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34. across the street.
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35. And this week, we found
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36. the biggest weirdo yet.
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37. Go, Freddie.
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38. Playback.
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39. There he is, peeling a banana
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40. while he waits for the bus.
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41. Now, you think he's gonna
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42. eat the banana, right?
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43. Well, think again!
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44. Yep, there he goes.
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45. Chewin' the peel.
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46. What a freak.
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47. And that's why
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48. the new champion of...
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49. Who's that weirdo
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50. in my neighborhood is...
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51. Crazy fruit dude.
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52. Congratulations,
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53. crazy fruit dude.
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54. And let's not forget to say
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55. a big thank you...
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56. To a former champion
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57. of who's that weirdo
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58. in my neighborhood...
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59. Green haired old lady...
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60. Who sucks on a baby pacifier.
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61. In 5, 4, 3, 2...
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62. Crack two eggs in a bowl.
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63. "but only the eggs whites..."
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64. Come here, you little yolks.
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65. - Hey, Spencer.
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66. - what's up?
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67. Hey, little sister
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68. and her two friends...
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69. Who never seem to hang out
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70. at their own homes?
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71. What's you cooking there,
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72. handsome?
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73. Everything.
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74. my friend Socko's having
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75. a birthday party Next week,
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76. and I'm in charge of all things
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77. food and all food gash."
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78. I'll get it.
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79. Freddie, hold these egg yolks.
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80. But... no, no, wait!
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81. - Hi.
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82. - Hi.
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83. I'm detective Tragg,
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84. Seattle police department.
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85. Freddie, take my backpack.
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86. Uh, what can I do for ya?
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87. I'd like to talk with the kids.
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88. You can't prove anything!
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89. Relax.
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90. you guys aren't in
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91. any kind of trouble, okay?
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92. My daughter's a big fan
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93. of your webshow, iCarly.
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94. Oh!
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95. I was watching the show
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96. with her last night,
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97. And we noticed a man,
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98. a suspect
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99. we've been trying to catch.
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100. Crazy fruit dude?
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101. No, we're actually after a guy
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102. who walked
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103. behind Crazy fruit dude...
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104. Into that convenience store
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105. across the street.
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106. You guys record
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107. all of your web shows?
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108. Yeah.
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109. Everything's archived.
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110. Do you want me to bring you
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111. and mpeg of it?
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112. - What's an mpeg?
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113. - It's a computer video file.
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114. Yeah.
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115. mpeg stands for
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116. "mega-pixel
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117. electronic gallery."
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118. Wrong!
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119. mpeg stands for
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120. "moving picture experts group."
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121. "mega-pixel
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122. electronic gallery."
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123. Moving picture
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124. experts group."
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125. Can't we just say
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126. mpeg stands for
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127. "most pimples enjoy gravy"
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128. and move on?
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129. May I look out your window?
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130. I was hoping you'd ask.
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131. Sorry, but I'm right.
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132. - Sam, stop it.
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133. - You wanna bet?
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134. - No, she doesn't.
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135. - Yeah, I wanna bet.
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136. How come I can hear me?
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137. Okay, it's a bet.
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138. And...
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139. loser has to get a tattoo
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140. of the winner's face.
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141. Oh, you're on!
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142. But you're gonna
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143. be pretty upset
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144. When you have to get
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145. a tattoo of my face on you.
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146. You're right. I lost.
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147. And now, my face will forever
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148. become a part of your skin.
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149. Yeah,
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150. this window has a good view
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151. of that convenience store.
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152. You know, my partner and I
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153. would like to set up
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154. a stakeout Here for a few days.
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155. Oh, iCarly helps
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156. catch a criminal.
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157. Uh, sure.
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158. who are you guys
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159. trying to catch?
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160. The clerk
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161. in that convenience store.
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162. We have knowledge
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163. that he's selling pirated DVDs
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164. Illegal copies of hit movies.
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165. Tragg! This is Stimbler!
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166. Which apartment is it?
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167. Hey, Stu, I'm in 8-c.
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168. My partner.
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169. Wait, wait.
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170. Your partner's name
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171. is Stu Stimbler?
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172. Detective Stuart Stimbler.
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173. I'll go get him.
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174. Oh!
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175. Oh, no.
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176. What's wrong?
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177. I went to sleep-away camp
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178. with a kid named Stu Stimbler.
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179. He was the meanest,
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180. most obnoxious bully
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181. in my whole cabin.
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182. His nickname was
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183. "spanky."
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184. Well, it's probably
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185. not the same guy.
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186. Yeah.
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187. what are the odds
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188. that it would be...
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189. Oh! Spencer!
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190. Oh, no!
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191. It's me, Spanky Stimbler!
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192. - I see you!
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193. - Ha!
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194. Why do they call him Spanky?
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195. I'll show you why.
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196. - No. No, no, no, no!
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197. - Spence!
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198. - Come on!
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199. - No!
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200. - Quit it!
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201. - Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
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202. Thanks for asking!
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203. Okay, I don't see
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204. any criminal activity,
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205. But I do see a jogger
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206. who really
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207. should be wearing a bra.
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208. Poor guy.
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209. "Moving picture experts group"!
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210. Do you really think
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211. Sam's gonna make me
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212. get a tattoo of her face?
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213. I don't know, but if she does,
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214. won't your mom freak?
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215. She freaked when I spilled
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216. one tiny drop of mustard
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217. On my church pants.
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218. What?
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219. "Church pants."
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220. What up, party people?
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221. Say hello to my cousin, Annie.
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222. Hi.
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223. I thought you said
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224. she was in jail.
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225. Oh, parole, baby.
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226. Ready, Freddie?
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227. Ready for what?
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228. Annie's a tattoo artist.
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229. You made a bet and you lost.
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230. Right, Carly?
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231. I want no part of this.
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232. I'm just gonna watch
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233. the bouncy jogger man.
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234. Sam, please!
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235. I'll do anything else.
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236. The deal was you get a tattoo.
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237. - I know, but...
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238. - Sit.
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239. Sam!
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240. Quit whining, kid.
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241. Getting a tattoo ain't so bad.
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242. - It's not?
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243. - No.
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244. It just hurts a lot
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245. and lasts forever.
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246. Oh, my God!
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247. Now he's doing jumping jacks!
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248. Oh!
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249. Please, don't spank me
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250. with my own cucumber!
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251. You...
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252. Oh!
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253. Tragg, they got peppy-cola!
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254. Those are Carly's.
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255. You shouldn't take...
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256. Hey, yo, grab me one,
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257. would you?
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258. Sam, in tattoo form!
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259. So awful.
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260. How are you hiding that
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261. from your mom?
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262. It's not easy.
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263. Yeah.
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264. Doesn't she still give you
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265. those bi-weekly
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266. Body inspections?
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267. No!
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268. I told her I was too old
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269. for those a long time ago.
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270. - Yesterday?
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271. - Maybe.
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272. Hey.
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273. I had a pork pot pie
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274. in your fridge
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275. from last weekend
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276. And one of those cops
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277. downstairs ate it.
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278. Well, they drank my peppy-cola.
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279. - They did?
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280. - Do I seem peppy?
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281. - Not really.
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282. - Well.
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283. How much longer
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284. Are they gonna be here?
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285. - It's been like days.
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286. - I know.
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287. They haven't gotten
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288. any good evidence
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289. on the guy They thinks'
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290. selling those pirated DVDs.
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291. Okay, guys, 10 seconds.
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292. Showtime, kid.
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293. In five, four, three, two...
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294. Hello.
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295. If you're looking
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296. for comedy...
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297. Press one.
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298. If you're looking
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299. for my pork pot pie
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300. A cop ate it!
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301. Okay.
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302. Now, if you've ever wondered
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303. what the human brain
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304. smells like...
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305. Um...
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306. What are you guys doing?
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307. We got suspicious activity
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308. across the street.
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309. The view
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310. from the downstairs window
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311. got blocked by a truck.
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312. Okay, iCarly fans,
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313. This may look like
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314. we're Trying to do a comedy...
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315. Shut that camera down!
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316. We got a police investigation
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317. going on here.
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318. - Turn that off.
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319. - Yeah?
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320. Well, maybe you should shut
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321. your investigation down.
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322. - We got a web show here.
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323. - Not right now, you don't.
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324. - Turn off the camera.
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325. - No, no, no, no, no!
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326. Somebody call a congressman!
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327. - I am starving!
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328. - Hey!
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329. Turn that off!
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330. Stupid cops,
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331. not cleaning up
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332. after themselves,
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333. Interrupting our web show,
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334. Making me grumble to myself.
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335. Some people
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336. just have no manners.
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337. Any idea when the cops
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338. are gonna arrest that guy
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339. and leave?
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340. No, but it better be soon,
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341. Cause I've had it.
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342. - You think you've had it?
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343. - Yes, I know I've had it.
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344. Me, too!
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345. I thought I was rid Of that
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346. jerky Stu Stimbler years ago.
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347. He ruined camp for me!
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348. Do you know what it's like
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349. To be harassed every day
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350. by some kid?
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351. Where are those cops anyway?
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352. They've been upstairs all day.
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353. Whoa, Spencer.
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354. - Did you make this cake?
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355. - Yeah.
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356. It's for Socko.
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357. See, since he owns
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358. his own sock company,
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359. I made his birthday cake
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360. in the shape of a sock.
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361. This is incredible.
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362. How'd you do this?
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363. I just combined
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364. my sculpting skills
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365. with my cakery skills,
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366. And, boom, sock cake.
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367. Shall we applaud?
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368. May I come in?
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369. Whoops, already in.
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370. Freddie, come on.
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371. It's time for our class.
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372. Spencer,
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373. you have a stain on your shirt.
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374. Go put on a fresh one.
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375. - But you're not my mother.
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376. - Mm!
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377. I'll put on a clean shirt.
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378. - Man, I totally forgot.
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379. - What?
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380. My mom signed us up
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381. for mother-son synchronized
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382. swimming classes.
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383. Stop laughing!
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384. When I take off my shirt
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385. to get in the pool,
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386. She's gonna see my tattoo.
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387. I'm dead.
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388. Freddie?
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389. Mom, I don't have a swimsuit.
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390. Which is why
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391. I just stopped at mall-mart
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392. And bought you this.
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393. - Look, mom...
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394. - Let's go.
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395. Have fun.
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396. Swimming simultaneously.
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397. Dad, I'm bored!
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398. What am I supposed to do?
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399. You think I'm irritating!
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400. I have never said that
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401. out loud.
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402. Uh, why do you guys
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403. have a child with you?
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404. That's his son.
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405. This bottle's empty.
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406. His nanny
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407. had a nervous breakdown.
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408. Go in the kitchen
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409. and get yourself
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410. a can of peppy-cola.
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411. - Did you buy more?
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412. - Yes.
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413. - Okay, go.
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414. - Yeah, go ahead.
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415. Okay... oh, boy!
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416. So have you geniuses
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417. gotten your evidence yet?
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418. You know, so you can leave?
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419. Not yet.
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420. This stakeout could take
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421. two or three more weeks.
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422. - What?
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423. - Weeks?
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424. Why can't you
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425. just go across the street
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426. and arrest the guy right now?
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427. Cause we don't have proof yet
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428. that he's selling
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429. the illegal DVDs.
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430. Hey, did Mrs. Benson leave?
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431. Yeah.
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432. Why'd she tell me to
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433. go put on a new...
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434. Spencer.
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435. You ate my sock cake.
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436. What's this big spoon for?
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437. You ate my sock cake.
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438. Why would you eat my sock cake?
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439. I don't even Know who you are.
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440. How could you... oh!
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441. You're out of peppy-cola.
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442. Okay,
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443. you're not gonna believe this.
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444. Those cops have gone too far.
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445. Spanky let his obnoxious kid
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446. Use my pear-pod
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447. without asking me.
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448. - No way.
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449. - Yes.
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450. He erased half my songs
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451. And left it covered
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452. in little boy spit.
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453. Hey, Freddie.
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454. What happened in your
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455. synchronized swimming class?
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456. - Did your mom see your tattoo?
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457. - No.
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458. I kept my shirt on
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459. the whole time.
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460. I told her I was afraid
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461. of getting a cloud burn.
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462. - "Cloud burn," good one.
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463. - Yeah.
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464. Till she drove me
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465. to seven different drugstores
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466. Looking for cloud block.
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467. You guys, help me get rid
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468. of those annoying cops.
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469. Why's it taking so long?
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470. They say
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471. they need solid evidence
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472. that the guy's Selling
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473. pirated DVDs.
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474. I bet we could get evidence
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475. quicker than
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476. those doof-butt cops.
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477. Yeah.
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478. How hard can it be
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479. to catch a guy?
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480. Selling pirated DVDs?
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481. We go into the store undercover
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482. and get the evidence ourselves.
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483. Wait,
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484. what if the guy's dangerous?
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485. Half my family's dangerous.
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486. So?
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487. Freddie! Freddie!
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488. Mom, what are you doing here?
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489. I found cloud block.
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490. I never went undercover before.
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491. What are you supposed to wear?
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492. I don't know.
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493. Freddie's wearing
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494. a robot costume.
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495. I'm gonna wear a shirt
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496. to hide all this.
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497. The idea is just to look normal
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498. and blend in.
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499. What is all that stuff?
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500. Well, these are microphones,
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501. This is the laptop
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502. that'll record it all,
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503. And these things
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504. are wireless receivers
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505. that'll pick up The signal
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506. from the cameras
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507. you two'll be wearing.
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508. What cameras?
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509. I brought the cap-cam
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510. and the eyeglass-cam.
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511. - Better.
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512. - Way.
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513. There.
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514. How do I look?
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515. Chunky and lumpy.
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516. Ha, just like my aunt Judy
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517. before she got that operation.
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518. Well... oh,
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519. This could be our guy!
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520. Yeah, look, he's got the bag.
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521. - I see the bag!
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522. - You think that's our guy?
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523. That is definitely our guy.
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524. You got the illegal DVD guy?
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525. No, the pizza guy.
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526. We ordered one a half-hour ago.
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527. Hope you don't mind, man.
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528. We used your credit card.
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529. No.
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530. That's good news.
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531. Oh, hey,
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532. I think somebody Dropped
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533. a contact lens Right there.
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534. Where? Right over here?
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535. Right there.
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536. Spanky strikes again!
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537. Yeah, he does!
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538. Hey, we're gonna go out
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539. for a little bit.
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540. Okay.
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541. So what's with the, Uh...
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542. Bless you.
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543. I didn't sneeze.
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544. Hey,
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545. you're remaking Socko's cake.
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546. Yeah.
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547. So far,
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548. it's coming out All right.
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549. What about that
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550. horrible little boy?
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551. Oh, I worked that out
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552. with his dad.
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553. He's over there
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554. In a large plastic tube.
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555. Nice.
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556. So where you guys going?
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557. Uh, we're just gonna run out
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558. and get some, uh...
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559. Stuff.
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560. Oh, uh, I need some stuff.
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561. - Yeah, not that kind of stuff.
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562. - Bye.
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563. Bye. Have fun.
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564. You're dumb!
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565. Wow,
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566. this store is so convenient.
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567. Can I help you?
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568. Well, you know that movie,
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569. Scarlett's web?
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570. The spider thing?
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571. Yeah, I love that movie,
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572. but
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573. it's really expensive To buy
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574. at well-known retail stores.
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575. So?
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576. Do you, by any chance,
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577. know where a girl might find
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578. A cheaper copy?
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579. Hmm?
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580. No.
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581. Oh. Okay, then.
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582. Now what?
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583. Uh, let me try.
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584. Just keep your cameras
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585. pointed at me.
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586. Yo, bro,
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587. I'm looking for a little
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588. cheap entertainment.
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589. Hook me up?
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590. Hook you up with what?
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591. Some cheap entertainment.
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592. Here's some cash.
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593. All right.
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594. Everybody!
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595. Forget it!
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596. So...
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597. I hear You sell movies here,
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598. cheap.
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599. Is that true or what?
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600. Yeah, it's true.
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601. So you do sell movies.
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602. Sure.
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603. Guess the word's
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604. getting around, huh?
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605. Yeah, the word that you sell
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606. pirated movies, right?
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607. Pirate.
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608. Yeah, pirated,
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609. like illegal copies.
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610. No, no, no,
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611. I sell pirate movies.
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612. Movies about pirates.
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613. I make them myself
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614. with my buddies.
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615. This is the first one
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616. we ever made...
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617. Shiver me booty.
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618. And, uh...
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619. Oh, we made this one last year.
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620. It's called
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621. Pirates of the Lima bee-an.
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622. And, uh,
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623. this is our
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624. most recent release...
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625. It's called
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626. aaarrrg!
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627. Aaarrrg?
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628. That's a pirate word.
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629. It means, hello,
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630. goodbye, Peace.
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631. It's like shalom,
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632. only for pirates.
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633. - Interesting.
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634. - Mm, yeah.
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635. Well, you see, You learn
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636. something new every day.
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637. Yes, today we learned
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638. the meaning of "arrgggg, "
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639. And that the two cops
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640. in my apartment
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641. are even bigger Morons
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642. than we thought.
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643. Arrrggg!
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644. Who wants to make a movie?
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645. Walk the plank!
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646. No!
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647. Sing me a ditty!
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648. No!
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649. Dance!
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650. Well, there's nothing illegal
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651. about bad acting.
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652. I guess
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653. we should pack up our stuff.
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654. I'll go pull our car
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655. around front.
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656. Knock knock, enter, enter.
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657. Oh, I didn't realize
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658. you had company.
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659. Freddie, it's time for...
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660. Fredward Benson!
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661. You got a tattoo?
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662. Uh...
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663. We told him it was wrong.
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664. "Fredward"?
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665. Mom, I...
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666. - You come with me right now.
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667. - Where?
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668. To a doctor
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669. to have that blemish removed!
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670. No!
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671. Removing tattoos
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672. is extremely painful.
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673. So is being the mother
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674. of a delinquent!
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675. - Mom, you're scaring me!
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676. - You got a tattoo?
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677. So, when are you gonna tell him
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678. it's a fake tattoo?
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679. Aw,
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680. the doctor'll figure it out.
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681. - Your cousin faked it?
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682. - Yep.
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683. Temporary, but all
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684. the pain of a real tattoo.
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685. Mean!
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686. Come on.
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687. Let's go upstairs
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688. and start planning
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689. the next iCarly.
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690. Aw, I don't wanna work.
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691. - Beef jerky.
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692. - I'm coming.
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693. So, pretty cool,
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694. you being a cop and all.
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695. Thanks.
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696. Got your own handcuffs
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697. and everything.
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698. Oh, yeah.
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699. You know, there's an easy trick
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700. to getting out of those.
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701. What?
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702. - No, there's not.
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703. - Yeah?
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704. Want me to teach you?
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705. You can try.
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706. All right, come over here.
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707. All right.
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708. Now, the trick
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709. is to stay totally relaxed
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710. Bend over this.
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711. Sure, okay.
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712. Now we just attach these
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713. to your wrist.
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714. All right.
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715. Oh, that's tight.
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716. - There.
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717. - Wow.
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718. All right, now, uh...
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719. How do I get out?
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720. Oh, you don't.
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721. Oh, wait, what's going' on?
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722. Payback, Spanky!
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723. No! No!
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724. - Spencer, come on!
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725. - Yeah!
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726. - Ow!
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727. - Yeah!
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728. Watch me spank your daddy!
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729. Close your eyes! Don't look!
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730. - Hi, my name's Will,
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731. and I want to show you
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732. my little friends.
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733. Ahhhhhh! Ahhh!
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734. Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh!
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735. Ahhhhh!
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736. Ahhhhh!
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737. Ahhhhh!
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738. Ahh! "iCarly" rules.
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