iCarly 1x18

Directed by Adam Weissman

Liza del Mundo as Sonya • Kevin Symons as Greg Horvath • Marta Cross as Sandra • Steve Monroe as Braxley • Alix Maria Taulbee as Upset Kid #3

Daka Shoes wants iCarly to promote their new shoe, Techfoots. Carly accepts and tells all her viewers to buy the shoe. Unfortunately, the shoes are no good and fans began to complain. The gang has to find a way out of the contract. Meanwhile, Spencer expresses his dislike for public transportation after he falls asleep on a bus and ends up in Canada.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Lamp.

2. Lamp.

3. Lamp.

4. I think it knows it's a lamp.

5. No, I want it to turn on.

6. Lamp.

7. Do you need a ride to school?

8. No, Freddie's mom's

9. gonna drive us.

10. And look

11. what I'm gonna hand in today.

12. You finished

13. your history report?

14. No, I finished

15. the greatest history report

16. in the history

17. of history reports.

18. Nice.

19. - So what's it...

20. - Don't touch it!

21. Sorry,

22. I just have to keep this report

23. looking absolutely perfect.

24. I've never worked harder

25. on anything in my life.

26. - And guess what?

27. - What? Lamp.

28. What?

29. If I get an A on this,

30. that means

31. I'll get an A for the semester,

32. which means I'll have

33. straight A's on my report card

34. for the first time ever!

35. I'm very proud of you.

36. Lamp!

37. Yah!

38. Why won't it work?

39. Let me see the instructions.

40. Good luck, they're in Japanese.

41. Oh, well, did you try saying

42. "lamp" in Japanese?

43. I did not.

44. What's the Japanese word

45. for "lamp"?

46. - Looks like "ranpu."

47. - Okay.

48. Ranpu.

49. Ranpu.

50. Ranpu!

51. - Hey!

52. - It works!

53. Yeah, you just got to say it

54. like a really

55. angry Japanese man.

56. Ranpu!

57. Come try!

58. Ranpu!

59. - Ranpu!

60. - Ranpu!

61. - Ranpu!

62. - Ranpu!

63. - Ranpu!

64. - Ranpu!

65. - Ranpu!

66. - Ranpu!

67. - Ranpu!

68. - Ranpu!

69. - Ranpu!

70. - Ranpu!

71. - Ranpu!

72. - Ranpu!

73. In five, four, three, two...

74. And subsequently

75. this was interpreted

76. as a violation of their rights

77. to freedom

78. of religious expression

79. as granted

80. in the Letter of Majesty

81. issued by Emperor Rudolf II

82. in 1609.

83. - Mr. Devlin...

84. - No, I will not slow down.

85. This leads us

86. to the calamitous events

87. which served as

88. a daunting precursor

89. to the ignominious

90. Defenestration of Prague.

91. I've graded your reports,

92. so you can pick them up

93. on your way out.

94. Awful.

95. Hideous.

96. Bad.

97. Terrible.

98. Congratulations, Carly.

99. Your report was outstanding.

100. The best in the class.

101. Really?

102. That's so great 'cause I...

103. you gave me a B?

104. But I thought you said

105. it was the best in the class!

106. It was.

107. But it was printed

108. on three-hole paper,

109. which I hate.

110. Then just let me re-print it

111. for you!

112. On paper

113. that's completely hole-free!

114. Reports can only be

115. submitted once.

116. Silly little truffle.

117. But this means I'll get

118. a B-plus for the semester!

119. Yes.

120. Congratulations.

121. I'd like to punch

122. three holes in him,

123. that's what I'd like to do.

124. Tell you what,

125. on the next "iCarly,"

126. we tell everyone to go egg

127. Mr. Devlin's house.

128. Nah, he'd probably like it

129. 'cause eggs don't have

130. three holes!

131. I told you

132. not to take his class.

133. Yes, thank you, Freddie.

134. Well, if it isn't my straight-A

135. little sister, Carl-A.

136. Don't call me "Carl-A"

137. 'cause I...

138. Shh.

139. To celebrate your straight A's,

140. I'm making you

141. a giant "A"

142. made out

143. of a bunch of smaller A's

144. that I found.

145. - Spencer...

146. - Your "A" is gonna be huge!

147. - And when it's all done...

148. - I'm not getting straight A's.

149. Mr. Devlin

150. gave me a B on my report,

151. even though

152. he said it was flawless.

153. Then why'd you get a B?

154. 'Cause I printed it

155. on three-hole paper.

156. Mr. Devlin's, like,

157. the strictest teacher

158. in school.

159. Yeah, I know.

160. He used to be

161. lunch room monitor.

162. He gave me detention.

163. - For?

164. - Playing with my fruit.

165. Listen,

166. it was really cool of you

167. to make this big A for me,

168. but would you mind

169. taking it apart?

170. Carly...

171. Seriously, if I'm not gonna

172. get straight A's,

173. then I'd rather

174. not be reminded of...

175. Of what almost was.

176. Aww, who needs a hug?

177. Me.

178. Hey,

179. how do you turn this lamp on?

180. - Ranpu!

181. - Ah!

182. Principal Franklin,

183. Sam is here for her regular

184. Tuesday appointment.

185. Send her in.

186. Good morning, Sam.

187. Morning, Ted.

188. Sam.

189. Good morning,

190. Principal Franklin.

191. Thank you.

192. Now, what trouble

193. have you gotten

194. in over the past week?

195. Let's see.

196. I got yelled at by Ms. Briggs

197. for getting an F on a quiz.

198. Why did you fail the quiz?

199. I didn't know the answers.

200. Right. Next?

201. Oh, I got kicked out

202. of the cafeteria

203. for slapping Gibby

204. with a piece of pizza.

205. Why did you slap Gibby

206. with a piece of pizza?

207. I found it on the floor.

208. I wasn't gonna eat it.

209. Sam...

210. Excuse me, Principal Franklin.

211. I am trying to enter

212. the report card grades

213. into the system,

214. but it's not letting me log in.

215. Well, you can log in

216. using my username.

217. That would be wonderful.

218. - Yes.

219. - Let's see if it's working.

220. Sam, just sit quietly

221. and try not to break anything.

222. No promises.

223. My username is BigTeddy.

224. - BigTeddy.

225. - Shh.

226. My password is corncake21.

227. There, working fine.

228. Thank you.

229. I'll get started on it.

230. Wait, I spilled some syrup

231. on my tie.

232. Do you know anything

233. about removing stains?

234. Yes, I took a course

235. on stain removal

236. in community college.

237. Excellent.

238. Sam, I'll be back

239. in five minutes.

240. Have fun with your stain.

241. Guess what? Guess what?

242. Guess what?

243. Is this about that

244. new bacon-flavored bubble gum?

245. No!

246. They have that?

247. Yeah, but just tell me

248. what you're all

249. whipped up about.

250. First, you gotta swear

251. you won't tell anybody.

252. - I swear.

253. - No, you gotta ankle-swear.

254. Okay, go.

255. - I swear.

256. - I swear.

257. Now tell me.

258. I changed your grade

259. in the school's computer!

260. - You changed my—

261. - Shh!

262. You changed my grade

263. in the school's computer?

264. Why'd you do that?

265. So you'll get the straight A's

266. you deserve.

267. You changed my B-plus...

268. To an A-plus.

269. And I changed

270. two of my D's to B's,

271. and I even bumped up

272. one of Freddie's grades.

273. Why?

274. I owe him 40 bucks

275. and I figure now we're even.

276. Sam...

277. You know

278. you deserved straight A's.

279. Yeah, but not this way.

280. I gotta go

281. tell Principal Franklin.

282. You can't!

283. You swore.

284. We shook ankles!

285. Well, can I at least

286. tell Freddie?

287. - Why?

288. - 'Cause this involves him, too.

289. Dude...

290. I'll make him swear

291. not to tell.

292. - Ah! I have to tell!

293. - You can't tell!

294. - I have to tell!

295. - No!

296. - Ah, let go of me!

297. - You promised!

298. - Carly!

299. - Freddie!

300. Oh, no!

301. Let me up!

302. Not if you're gonna

303. tell on Sam!

304. - Then you tell!

305. - No, I swore to Sam!

306. We have to come up

307. with a way to fix this

308. without telling on Sam.

309. Why would Sam change my grade?

310. And make it better?

311. She hates me.

312. She said it would get her

313. out of paying you 40 bucks.

314. Aww!

315. I'm not gonna get my 40 bucks?

316. Focus, Freddie!

317. How do we change

318. our grades back

319. before the report cards go out?

320. Well...

321. if I could get access

322. to the school's network,

323. I could do it from my laptop.

324. There's a T5 jack

325. in the computer lab

326. I could tap into.

327. Okay.

328. Tomorrow in class,

329. I'll distract Mr. Wembley,

330. and then you can do

331. your techie fix-it stuff.

332. Right.

333. Oh, and just for the record,

334. the only reason you pinned me

335. down like that

336. was 'cause I wasn't ready.

337. - Are you ready now?

338. - Yeah. Why?

339. Can we please not tell anyone

340. about this?

341. Now, everyone,

342. please complete

343. exercises number 7 and 9.

344. What about number eight?

345. I'm in charge!

346. Okay.

347. I'll distract Mr. Wembley.

348. You go tap

349. into the B-five line.

350. - T5.

351. - It matters!

352. Just go!

353. Mr. Wembley?

354. I have a question

355. about my computer.

356. Yes, Carly.

357. Hello, Mr. T5 line.

358. You're about to get Freddie'd.

359. What's your question?

360. Why are there two shift keys?

361. Just do your work, please.

362. I have to go back

363. and zap my P-ram...

364. - Oh!

365. - Oh!

366. Carly!

367. What happened? Did I faint?

368. Yes. Are you all right?

369. Uh-huh.

370. It happens all the time.

371. It's no big deal.

372. Huh.

373. All right, just gonna go

374. back to my desk...

375. - Oh!

376. - Oh!

377. Okay. Generating random codes.

378. Sweet.

379. We're past

380. the school's firewall,

381. which gives us

382. access to everything.

383. Man, look at

384. all this information.

385. Hey, look,

386. it's Principal Franklin's

387. birthday today.

388. Oh, yeah.

389. Wait, whoa, whoa.

390. Is that the lunch menu

391. for this week?

392. Yeah, why?

393. Would it kill anyone

394. if we changed spinach

395. to tater tots?

396. Tater tots it is.

397. Okay, here we go.

398. Student grades.

399. Scrolling down

400. to Shay comma Carly.

401. CSA.

402. Put your hands

403. where I can see them!

404. - Okay!

405. - Yes, sirs!

406. Who are you guys?

407. Computer Security Agency.

408. Step away from that laptop.

409. What's this about?

410. You two kids

411. go to Ridgeway Junior High?

412. - Yeah.

413. - Uh-huh.

414. We were advised that

415. there was a breech

416. in your school's

417. computer network

418. this afternoon,

419. and we tracked it back

420. to your wireless uplink.

421. You two are

422. in a whole lot of trouble.

423. We'll going to need

424. to speak to a parent

425. or a legal guardian.

426. Spencer!

427. I am in the bathtub!

428. Are we under arrest?

429. Are you gonna take us

430. to juvy?

431. I don't wanna go to juvy!

432. They're gonna take us to juvy.

433. This just doesn't make

434. any sense.

435. I've been

436. their school principal

437. for three years

438. and I am telling you

439. Carly and Freddie

440. are very well-behaved students.

441. Look, somebody attached

442. that wireless uplink

443. to your school's T5 line,

444. and we traced it back

445. to this location.

446. Would any of you gentlemen

447. like some Wahoo Punch?

448. We have to tell them.

449. We can't.

450. I promised Sam

451. and you promised me.

452. - But they're gonna—

453. - A promise is a promise.

454. - But I—

455. - A-promise is a promise!

456. Would you two

457. please come over here?

458. Carly, Freddie,

459. these men insist

460. that you two were trying

461. to hack into our school's

462. computer network.

463. We did hack

464. into the school network.

465. We did? We did.

466. Carly...

467. Why?

468. Well, we...

469. we wanted to know

470. when your birthday was.

471. Right.

472. We heard it was today...

473. And we just wanted

474. to be sure...

475. So we could give you a present.

476. There, you see?

477. I told you these kids

478. wouldn't be up to

479. anything mischievous.

480. So, what did you get me?

481. - Huh?

482. - What?

483. You said

484. you had a present for me.

485. Yes. Wait here.

486. Why'd you have

487. to mention a present?

488. 'Cause you brought up

489. the birthday thing!

490. - But we don't have a present!

491. - Why is it my fault?

492. 'Cause you brought up

493. the present!

494. - What are we gonna do?

495. - I don't know!

496. - Neither do I!

497. - Shh!

498. - Oh!

499. - Ah!

500. - Ooh!

501. - Happy birthday!

502. - Happy birthday!

503. Oh, my goodness!

504. A microwave oven.

505. Yep.

506. - Eleven hundred watts.

507. - It's a good one.

508. Well,

509. I just heard our report cards

510. were mailed out yesterday.

511. Great.

512. So that's it, then.

513. No changing our grades back.

514. I feel dirty.

515. Hey, Carly.

516. Hey, Fredward.

517. - What's your guys' problem?

518. - You are.

519. We tried

520. to change our grades back

521. and two goons from

522. the Computer Security Agency

523. showed up at my house.

524. - Did you guys rat me out?

525. - No.

526. We had to lie and give away

527. my microwave oven!

528. Eleven hundred watts!

529. Well, look on the bright side.

530. There was a screw-up

531. in the cafeteria,

532. they got tater tots!

533. Can you not see

534. how upset we are?

535. We don't care about taters!

536. Even in tot form!

537. You made us lie

538. to Principal Franklin!

539. To keep

540. your dirty little secret.

541. I feel so guilty.

542. Look, I promise,

543. it gets easier.

544. Soon you'll be able to lie

545. and feel nothing at all.

546. - Hey.

547. - You liar!

548. What?

549. You said you weren't gonna

550. get straight A's.

551. But you did!

552. Yeah, well—oh!

553. Report cards came in the mail?

554. Yeah!

555. I guess Mr. Devlin gave you

556. what you deserved after all.

557. I'm so proud of you.

558. You should be.

559. She earned that grade.

560. Yeah, yeah, whatever.

561. Ooh, and check it out!

562. I've almost entirely

563. rebuilt your "A" sculpture.

564. It'll be a permanent reminder

565. of what you did.

566. Ain't that the truth?

567. And I called Dad,

568. told him

569. about your straight A's.

570. - No.

571. - Yes.

572. And he told me

573. to go out and buy you this.

574. It's a big TV for your room!

575. Yay.

576. How come

577. you don't look excited?

578. I am.

579. It's just I already have

580. so many nice things.

581. Can't we give that

582. to a hobo or something?

583. No.

584. Hobos can't afford cable.

585. - Carly...

586. - I'm going upstairs.

587. - She's a little upset.

588. - Why's she upset?

589. 'Cause hobos

590. can't afford cable!

591. - Hi.

592. - Hey.

593. What up with the hoody

594. and sun...

595. man.

596. You look horrible.

597. Thanks.

598. Girls love hearing that.

599. - I didn't mean...

600. - It's okay.

601. I know I look horrible.

602. I didn't sleep at all

603. last night.

604. - The report card thing?

605. - Yes!

606. - The guilt is killing me.

607. - I know.

608. Me, too.

609. And like it wasn't bad enough,

610. Spencer put a gigantic new TV

611. in my room.

612. How can I sleep

613. when I got forty-two inches

614. of high-def guilt

615. staring at me all night?

616. And look at my fingernails!

617. Gross, what happened to them?

618. I've chewed them off!

619. Right down to the nub!

620. I'm a 13-year-old girl

621. and I've got

622. the fingers of a hobo!

623. Did you know

624. they can't afford cable?

625. Hey, Carls!

626. Come here!

627. You made the top ten!

628. The Honors List?

629. - Yep.

630. - Oh!

631. You pushed Karen Yamakawa

632. right off the list.

633. Congratulations, Carly.

634. Aww!

635. In five, four, three, two...

636. - I'm Sam!

637. - And I'm guilty.

638. - Carly.

639. - And I'm Carly.

640. And this web show

641. now comes with

642. twice the comedy...

643. And only half the fat

644. of a regular web show.

645. Okay, so lately,

646. tons of you people

647. have been coming here

648. and sending us

649. lots of cool videos.

650. So we thought

651. we'd kick off tonight's show

652. with an amazing one.

653. Carly?

654. Carly.

655. Well, if it isn't

656. my straight-A little sister,

657. Carl-A.

658. Soon you'll be able to lie

659. and feel nothing at all.

660. Your "A" is gonna be huge!

661. Congratulations, Carly.

662. Hobos can't afford cable.

663. That's it!

664. I can't take it anymore!

665. Spencer!

666. Hey, I thought "iCarly"--

667. I didn't really get

668. straight A's!

669. Huh?

670. Mr. Devlin gave me a B-plus,

671. then Sam changed my grade

672. in the school's computer!

673. Freddie and I tried

674. to change it back,

675. but then we got caught.

676. That's why the CSA came here.

677. I lied to Principal Franklin,

678. I made Karen Yamakawa cry,

679. and my hair's falling out.

680. Look it!

681. So I have to take apart

682. my big A again?

683. Tell me what to do!

684. Why can't you tell

685. Principal Franklin the truth?

686. 'Cause I promised Sam

687. I wouldn't tell anybody.

688. Did you ankle-shake on it?

689. - Yes!

690. - Oh, my God.

691. - Hey, are you all right?

692. - What happened?

693. Sam, I'm sorry.

694. I told Spencer everything.

695. What kind of world

696. do we live in

697. where an ankle-shake means

698. nothing anymore?

699. I didn't wanna

700. break my promise,

701. but the guilt

702. was eating me alive!

703. What do I do?

704. Come on,

705. you're a smart little Carly.

706. So you should know,

707. sometimes, doing what's right

708. is more important

709. than keeping a promise.

710. - One more thing.

711. - What?

712. There's an A

713. stuck to your butt.

714. That's so embarrassing!

715. - Carly. I was just...

716. - I have to tell you something.

717. All right.

718. I changed my grade

719. in Honors History

720. because I thought

721. I deserved an A.

722. Then I felt bad about it

723. so I tried to change it back,

724. but the CSA stopped me

725. before I could,

726. and then I lied to you

727. about your birthday,

728. which I really

729. didn't care about at all.

730. So you want the microwave back?

731. No, you can keep the microwave.

732. But I feel terrible

733. about this whole thing

734. and I just wanna make it right.

735. I see.

736. And you were the one

737. who changed your grade to an A

738. in the school's computer?

739. Yes, sir.

740. Because Freddie just told me

741. that he was the one

742. who hacked

743. the school's computer

744. and changed your grade to an A.

745. Hiya.

746. Okay, it was me, all right?

747. I hacked the computer

748. and I changed the grades.

749. Now, that I believe.

750. And the only reason

751. they didn't tell on me

752. was 'cause I made them

753. promise not to.

754. And I was wrong

755. to do that to a friend.

756. Thanks.

757. So are we in trouble?

758. I get to keep the microwave?

759. It's all yours.

760. Then I think,

761. under the circumstances,

762. you and Freddie

763. are off the hook.

764. - Awesome.

765. - Thanks.

766. But as for Sam...

767. Yeah, yeah,

768. don't get all dramatic,

769. just hit me with it.

770. Detention.

771. Twice a week, for six weeks.

772. I'm sorry, Sam.

773. Hey, I gotta learn my lesson.

774. Time for assembly.

775. Shall we?

776. Let's make my detention

777. once a week

778. for two weeks.

779. Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair...

780. - Hey, it's me, Carly.

781. - On the other hand, I'm Sam.

782. And this is "iCarly."

783. Voted the number one web show

784. in the world.

785. - By who?

786. - Me.

787. Then it's official.

788. Mmm.