1. - Carly, get in here,
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2. right now.
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3. - Have a seat.
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4. So, I understand you put
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5. some fliers up
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6. all over the school?
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7. - Yes, I did.
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8. - Why would you Photodoc
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9. my head
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10. onto the body
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11. of a rhinoceros?
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12. - Well, I—
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13. - Rhinoceros? Oh, no, no, no.
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14. She made you a hippopotamus.
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15. - No, no.
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16. She's a rhinoceros.
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17. A hippo has fatter thighs
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18. and a wider snout.
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19. What does it matter?
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20. I think we should call
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21. her father in to discuss this.
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22. - Um, my dad's stationed
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23. in Europe right now.
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24. - He's in the military.
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25. - Well, there must be
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26. some adult in charge of her.
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27. - My older brother, Spencer.
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28. - Oh, yes, the artist.
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29. - He's a great artist.
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30. - Look, we don't need to call
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31. her brother in about this.
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32. I'm sure that you can come up
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33. with a suitable punishment.
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34. - Fine.
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35. You know, Carly,
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36. I am in charge
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37. of the talent show this year.
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38. - Yeah, you're holding
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39. auditions on Saturday.
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40. - No, you are.
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41. - Huh?
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42. - I will be enjoying
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43. my Saturday
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44. while you videotape
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45. the auditions for me.
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46. - No! I'm going to see
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47. Cuddlefish play live
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48. at the Hawthorne on Saturday!
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49. - Not anymore.
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50. - Aw, come on!
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51. - It's what you get for
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52. turning me into a hippopotamus.
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53. - Rhinoceros.
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54. - Get out!
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55. - Right.
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56. In five, four,
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57. three, two...
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58. - Ah! Let me go!
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59. - Say you're sorry.
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60. - I'm sorry!
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61. - And what are you sorry for?
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62. - For saying you're aggressive!
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63. And what am I, again?
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64. - Pretty and sweet!
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65. - Thank you! Now the next time—
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66. Ow! Hair, hair, hair.
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67. - Hi!
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68. - Did you get in trouble?
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69. - Of course I got in trouble!
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70. Teachers tend to get upset
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71. when you put their heads
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72. on the bodies of big,
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73. fat animals!
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74. I can't believe
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75. I let you talk me
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76. into taking the blame for you!
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77. - You had to. I've already been
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78. suspended once this semester.
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79. If I'd gotten busted,
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80. they'd have expelled me.
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81. - Well, here's an idea.
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82. - What?
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83. - Stop doing bad things!
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84. - Okay. Chillax.
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85. - I will not chillax!
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86. And get excited,
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87. 'cause you and I get to spend
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88. our entire Saturday here
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89. videotaping kids' auditions
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90. for the talent show.
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91. - Whatev.
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92. - You know, anybody but me would
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93. punch you right in the head.
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94. - Which is why you are
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95. my best friend.
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96. - Good to know.
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97. Now, why are you mine?
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98. - Because I'm a lovable person.
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99. - You dropped this!
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100. - Um, thanks, but you really—
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101. - I was gonna walk you
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102. home from school
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103. but I couldn't find ya. Hey!
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104. - Freddie, were you
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105. looking out your peephole
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106. waiting for me to come home?
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107. - No!
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108. - Freddie.
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109. - Yes.
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110. - I thought we talked about
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111. this.
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112. We can be buds, but you gotta
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113. get over this crush thing.
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114. - I am over it. Seriously.
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115. I'm in love with you.
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116. You just wanna be friends.
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117. And I'm totally cool
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118. living with that constant pain.
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119. - Oh, god.
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120. I'm home.
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121. Hey, kiddo! Up here.
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122. Just taking some pics
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123. of my robot sculpture.
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124. Smile! Yeah.
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125. - You know, for most
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126. eighth grade girls,
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127. if they came home and found
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128. their 26-year-old brother
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129. dangling upside down
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130. from the ceiling
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131. over a giant robot
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132. made out of soda bottles,
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133. it'd be weird.
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134. - You're saying I'm abnormal.
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135. - Do I need to say it?
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136. Come down from there
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137. before you hurt yourself.
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138. No worries.
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139. I got my leg wrapped
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140. around this pipe—Ah!
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141. Please help me stand up.
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142. - Are you all right?
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143. - Yea—Nope.
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144. I dislocated my shoulder again.
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145. One sec.
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146. - Yeah, that fixed her.
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147. - Good.
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148. So listen, I need a favor.
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149. - Shoot.
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150. - I have to tape
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151. a bunch of auditions
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152. at school on Saturday.
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153. - Fun.
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154. - Yeah, not really.
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155. Anyway, would you let me
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156. borrow your video camera?
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157. - I would.
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158. - Awesome.
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159. - Though I can't.
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160. - Why not?
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161. I made it into a squirrel.
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162. - I told you the front doors
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163. would be locked.
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164. You gotta go around to the blue
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165. doors in the back of the—
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166. Oh, my God.
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167. - What do you think
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168. of my equipment?
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169. - I just asked to borrow
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170. your video camera.
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171. What is all this?
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172. - Well, that's a three-chip,
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173. high-def camcorder
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174. with a hyper-cardioid
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175. condenser microphone.
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176. Mounted on a carbon fiber tripod
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177. with a low-drag fluid head.
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178. I also brought you
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179. juice and a bagel.
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180. - Hey, you invited the doof.
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181. - Sam.
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182. - Aw, man! I didn't know
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183. that was gonna be here.
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184. - She. I'm a she, Freddie,
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185. as in "girl."
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186. - Just keep your hands
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187. off my AV equipment.
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188. - You mean I can't play
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189. with the white balance
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190. on your super-dee duper-dee
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191. camcorder?
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192. - Ah, sure! Everybody jokes
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193. about the white balance
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194. 'til the skin tones
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195. go magenta...
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196. Carly will never love you.
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197. - That's it!
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198. I'm taking my stuff
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199. and I'm going home!
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200. - Please stay.
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201. - Okay.
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202. - Okay, Jeb,
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203. you ready to audition?
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204. - Yeah. I will be performing
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205. a scene from a French play
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206. called...
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207. - Okay.
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208. - We don't know what
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209. that means, but knock us out.
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210. Rolling?
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211. - Uh... rolling.
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212. But... but
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213. where did she go?
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214. I don't know.
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215. But when will she be back?
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216. I don't know!
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217. Well, where can I find her?
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218. I tell you, I do not know!
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219. - Okay!
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220. - Nice job!
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221. - What'd you think?
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222. - I don't know!
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223. You don't know?
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224. - I tell you, I do not know!
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225. - But you must know!
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226. - How can I know
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227. when I do not know?
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228. - I don't know.
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229. - I will play the trumpet.
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230. - Great.
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231. - Nice.
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232. - While hopping
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233. on this pogo stick.
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234. - That's what I'm
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235. talking about!
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236. - Great job!
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237. - You go, girl! Yeah.
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238. Pogo-tastic!
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239. That's awesome!
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240. - Jump and blow!
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241. - So the doc says,
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242. "Why'd you wait so long
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243. to bring her in?"
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244. So I say, "I liked the eggs."
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245. - That's awesome.
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246. - Thanks.
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247. - Not that funny.
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248. - No, no, not at all.
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249. But forget that.
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250. Can we please discuss
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251. the boy's hair and glasses?
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252. He looks like Miss Briggs.
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253. - Yeah, except he doesn't have
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254. Miss Briggs' crazy pointy boobs.
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255. I know!
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256. What is up with those?
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257. - It's like she stuffs
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258. waffle cones in her bra.
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259. - Totally! She could
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260. poke an eye out
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261. with one of those things.
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262. Okay, okay,
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263. we better keep going.
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264. We've still got 11 more
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265. kids to see.
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266. - No.
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267. Eleven?
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268. - Calm down.
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269. They can't get worse.
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270. - And I was wrong.
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271. - Sam.
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272. Sam.
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273. Wake up!
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274. What time is it?
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275. - Late. What time is your mom
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276. coming to pick you up?
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277. - She's not. I told her you
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278. invited me to spend the night.
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279. - I didn't invite you
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280. to spend the night.
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281. - Well, you should
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282. 'cause I'm not leaving.
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283. What you doing?
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284. - Checking to make sure Freddie
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285. put the auditions online.
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286. I told Miss Briggs
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287. we'd upload 'em
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288. on SplashFace tonight so she
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289. could watch 'em in the morning.
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290. - I kind of hate Miss Briggs.
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291. Remember when
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292. she called me a demon?
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293. - No!
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294. - Oh, Yeah.
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295. When I put that
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296. raw chicken in her purse—
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297. - Shut up
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298. and come look at this!
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299. - What? Freddie didn't
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300. upload the auditions?
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301. - No! He uploaded us!
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302. - What?
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303. - Look!
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304. It's like she stuffs
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305. waffle cones in her bra.
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306. That's you and me!
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307. - Sure is!
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308. - He wasn't supposed
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309. to film us!
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310. We were being all goofy
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311. and acting like idiots
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312. all day!
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313. - Oh, my God.
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314. We made fun of Miss Briggs
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315. and her crazy pointy boobs!
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316. - Whoa, if she sees that—
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317. - Anyone can see it!
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318. It's on SplashFace!
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319. - Okay, okay, chillax.
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320. Look, see the view count?
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321. Only 27 people
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322. have clicked on it.
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323. - Oh. Okay, good.
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324. Sam?
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325. - Yeah.
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326. - That's 27,000!
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327. Quit it, Sam!
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328. Let go of my foot!
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329. Too much friction! Let go!
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330. What is the matter with you?
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331. - Why'd you film us
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332. at the auditions today?
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333. - Oh. 'Cause you guys
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334. were being funny.
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335. - Well, you shouldn't have
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336. put us online
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337. without our permission!
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338. - I didn't!
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339. I edited you guys out
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340. before I uploaded
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341. the auditions.
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342. - No, you did
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343. the opposite of that!
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344. - What? There's no way I—
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345. Uh-oh.
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346. - Yeah.
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347. - Just take us off the site!
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348. - Okay, okay!
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349. Just give me a sec.
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350. - Oh, this is so not good.
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351. Anyone, anyone in the world
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352. can just click and see
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353. everything we did
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354. and said today.
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355. - It's so embarrassing.
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356. And if Miss Briggs—
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357. - Don't even talk about it.
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358. If she—
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359. - Ha! Got it.
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360. See? It says,
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361. "At your request,
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362. this video will be removed."
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363. - Good!
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364. - Finally.
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365. - Tomorrow morning.
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366. - Ugh, great.
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367. - Aw, man!
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368. Do you know how many
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369. more thousands
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370. can view it by then?
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371. - Alright!
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372. Look, before you get
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373. all freaked out,
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374. SplashFace has message boards.
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375. So?
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376. - So, let's see
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377. what people are saying
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378. about the video.
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379. Um, okay, here's one.
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380. "Carly, you and your
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381. friend Sam crack me up.
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382. Funny stuff."
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383. - Great, so one kid—
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384. - Wait.
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385. SlackerBoy314 writes,
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386. "Carly and Sam,
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387. you chicks are hilarious.
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388. When's your next show?"
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389. And this kid says,
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390. "You guys are way better
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391. than most of the puke
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392. here on SplashFace."
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393. - Wow. They love us.
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394. - Yeah! More than puke.
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395. - Where's Miss Briggs?
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396. What if she saw it?
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397. - Video was off
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398. by yesterday morning.
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399. - What if she saw it
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400. before it was off?
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401. - It was Sunday.
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402. She was probably in church.
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403. - What church would let
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404. Miss Briggs in the door?
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405. - Hello, Carly. Samantha.
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406. - Howdy.
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407. - Morning, Miss Briggs.
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408. Um, we had some trouble
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409. putting the video online,
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410. so here's a DVD of every kid
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411. who auditioned on Saturday.
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412. - Thank you.
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413. - Sure.
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414. - I'll try not to poke a hole
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415. in this with my pointy bosoms.
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416. - She saw the video.
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417. - We're so sorry.
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418. Miss Briggs?
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419. - What?
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420. - I typed up a list of
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421. the kids
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422. we think should be
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423. in the talent show.
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424. - Snorting milk?
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425. Pogo stick hopping?
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426. These aren't talents.
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427. - They were the most fun
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428. to watch.
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429. - Goodbye.
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430. - Wait, so you're not gonna
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431. let any of the kids
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432. we picked be in the show?
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433. - That's right. Girls.
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434. - No one enjoys that!
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435. - I am so mad!
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436. - Me, too.
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437. I need some ham.
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438. - Seriously,
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439. Miss Briggs is the worst!
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440. You don't gotta convince me.
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441. I hated her even after
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442. she got that brown lump
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443. removed from her nose.
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444. I'll tell you something.
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445. She is what's wrong
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446. with the world.
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447. - Who's what's wrong
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448. with the world?
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449. - Miss Briggs.
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450. - Oh.
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451. Well, hey, at least she got
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452. that brown lump
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453. taken off of her nose.
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454. - I just hate it
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455. when adults like her
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456. get to control what kids
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457. can do and see.
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458. It ticks me off.
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459. - Why do they put a bone
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460. right in the middle of a ham?
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461. - Hey, remember all that stuff
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462. those kids wrote about us
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463. on the message boards?
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464. - Yeah.
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465. - Things like, "You guys
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466. should upload more videos,"
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467. and, "When's your next show?"
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468. And, "We want more."
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469. Let's give 'em more.
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470. - More?
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471. - Okay, what are we
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472. talking about here?
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473. - Doing a web show,
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474. online, every week.
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475. - Why?
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476. - 'Cause it can be
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477. whatever we want it to be,
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478. no adults to say,
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479. "You can do this.
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480. You can't do that."
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481. We can do whatever we want,
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482. say whatever we want.
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483. - Would it mean I have to do,
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484. like, work and stuff?
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485. - Well, if you're gonna do it,
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486. you gotta prepare for it.
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487. - Eh, then make it your show.
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488. You do the work,
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489. I'll just show up
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490. and be your amusing little
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491. sidekick.
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492. - Wait, what's the show
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493. gonna be about?
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494. - Anything.
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495. Something different every week.
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496. But for the first show,
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497. kids with bizarro talents.
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498. - Ah, clever.
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499. Miss Briggs says,
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500. "No, no, no."
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501. We say, "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
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502. - Hey, why don't you guys
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503. call your show "iCarly."
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504. You know, "I," Internet,
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505. "Carly," you.
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506. - I like it.
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507. - iCarly's cool.
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508. - And um, you're gonna need
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509. a technical producer, right?
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510. To set up the lights, audio,
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511. work the camera...
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512. - Aw, he wants to be our geek.
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513. You got a big mouth, lady!
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514. - Hey! Look what someone
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515. just left in the dumpster.
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516. Isn't she amazing?
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517. - Hey, can we use the third
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518. floor as kind of a TV studio?
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519. - Well, I don't know—
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520. - Thanks!
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521. - You rock.
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522. - Later!
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523. - Wait, I didn't say—
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524. Why do you—Okay, later!
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525. - FREDDIE: 52 seconds!
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526. - Sam, come on!
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527. - Sorry, I had to pee!
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528. - You always have to pee.
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529. - Well, it's either that
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530. or I explode.
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531. - FREDDIE: 45 seconds!
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532. - We're on our way up!
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533. You know what to do?
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534. - Yes.
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535. - We sit together;
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536. me on the left,
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537. you on the right.
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538. Camera opens on the sign,
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539. pans down to me.
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540. We chat with all the kids
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541. with weird talents.
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542. You got it?
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543. - I'm down.
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544. - 20 seconds.
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545. - Here we go.
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546. - I look good?
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547. - Perfect. Me?
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548. - Uh, well, you got
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549. something in your teeth.
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550. - What? Get it out!
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551. Five! Four!
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552. - Three! Two, and—
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553. - Hey, there, people of Earth.
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554. I'm Carly Shay,
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555. and this is our very first
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556. webcast
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557. of a little show
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558. we call iCarly.
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559. - She's Carly.
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560. - She's Sam.
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561. - Sam I am.
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562. - Carly, Sam.
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563. - I think they're clear.
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564. - Demonstrate the thing.
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565. - Oh, yeah! With this item,
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566. provided by our dorky friend,
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567. Freddie...
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568. - That's disrespectful!
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569. - We can do this...
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570. - ... and this.
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571. - And this...
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572. - Okay.
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573. Tonight, we're gonna show you
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574. some kids
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575. with super insane talents.
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576. - Stop it.
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577. Okay, this first kid
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578. we're gonna show you
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579. can take a glass of milk...
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580. - This is so deliciously gross.
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581. - Snort the milk up
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582. into his nose.
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583. - It's the best thing ever.
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584. - And make the milk
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585. squirt out of his eyes.
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586. - I wanna marry this boy!
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587. - Let's bring him out.
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588. Simon Kendall!
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589. - You're up, dude!
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590. - Okay, Simon, you ready
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591. to blow people away
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592. with your freakish talent?
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593. Do it!
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594. - Let's go.
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595. - Drum roll.
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596. - Okay, this is insane!
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597. - Tell the people your name.
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598. - Brennan Yubberly.
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599. - Yeah, Yubberly!
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600. - Okay, any word you say,
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601. Brennan can say backwards
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602. perfectly.
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603. - He's a backwards talker.
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604. - Check this out.
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605. Ointment.
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606. - Tnenmtnio.
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607. - Yes! Okay, uh,
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608. slippery watermelon.
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609. - Yreppils nolemretaw.
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610. - Do you hear this?
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611. - We love this boy!
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612. Okay, okay! Say,
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613. "I must be from planet Jupiter
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614. "because there's no other way
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615. I could be saying all this
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616. backwards!"
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617. - I tsum eb morf tenalp retipuJ
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618. esuaceb s'ereht on rehto yaw
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619. I dluoc eb gniyas lla siht
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620. sdrawkcab.
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621. - Did you hear that?
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622. - Insanity!
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623. - Ytinasni!
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624. - That's enough, Brennan.
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625. Yeah! Great job!
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626. Wonderful!
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627. Well, looking at that goat
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628. made me hungry!
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629. - Well, you can eat soon,
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630. 'cause the very first webcast
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631. of iCarly is almost over.
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632. - No, no, don't be sad.
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633. We still got one more kid
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634. with a weird talent. But first—
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635. - Here's some stuff
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636. you need to know.
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637. - If you liked our show,
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638. tell your friends.
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639. - Your cousins, people you like.
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640. - People you hate.
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641. - All people of this planet.
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642. - That we're gonna be here,
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643. live, online,
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644. every week at iCarly.com.
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645. - In fact, next week,
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646. Carly's gonna take
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647. my tonsils out right here.
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648. - She's lying.
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649. - But how awesome would that be?
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650. Oh! And if you wanna
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651. send us a video...
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652. - ... Of you doing
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653. or saying anything cool.
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654. - Telling a joke, eating a bug.
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655. - Just email
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656. the video clip to us.
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657. - Carly and me.
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658. - Me and Sam.
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659. - And if it's cool enough...
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660. - We'll show it right here
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661. on iCarly.
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662. - Okay, our last freakishly
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663. talented kid's name
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664. is Taryn James,
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665. and she's about to play us out.
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666. - With her trumpet.
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667. - But with a little extra twist.
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668. Hit the button.
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669. Get out here, Taryn!
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670. - Will you look at that!
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671. - It seems impossible.
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672. - That is so cool!
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673. - I wish I could do that!
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674. Come on, let's go!
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675. Yeah!
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676. Well, thanks for watching!
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677. - Yeah!
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678. - Tune in next time!
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679. Oh, my gosh!
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680. This is so much fun!
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681. - And we're clear!
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682. - Yes! We did it!
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683. Oh, here it is!
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684. How many?
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685. - 37,000!
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686. - Why are we happy?
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687. - 'Cause our very first
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688. web show rocked!
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689. - And was watched by over
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690. 37,000 people!
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691. - Get out!
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692. My baby sister's
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693. a web star!
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694. - Hey, we should have a party,
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695. you know, to celebrate.
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696. - Yeah, that'd be so cool.
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697. - That'd be so tight!
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698. - Yes. Yes, we should.
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699. But it shouldn't be
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700. a normal, regular party.
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701. - Oh no.
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702. - It needs to be something
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703. different,
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704. something... wonderfully random.
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705. - Crazy hat party?
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706. - Hey, cupcake.
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707. - There you are! Nice hat.
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708. - Back at ya.
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709. - Hi. Um, can we get
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710. your autographs?
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711. - We love iCarly.
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712. - Your web show.
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713. - Um, sure.
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714. - No prob.
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715. - There you go.
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716. - Thanks.
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717. Sure.
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718. - I love you, Carly!
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719. - Wow.
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720. I just signed an autograph.
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721. - Get used to it.
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722. iCarly's a great show.
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723. You might get famous.
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724. - Yeah, I don't know
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725. if I'm gonna like that.
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726. - Hey.
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727. Saw your web show.
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728. Pretty hot.
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729. - Um, thanks.
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730. - Yeah, thanks a lot.
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731. - So, you guys wanna dance?
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732. - Yes.
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733. - Cool, let's do it.
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734. - I'm gonna like it.
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735. - Hey! Hey, stop that!
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736. Put her down!
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737. She's not for you!
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738. Get off! How pitiful!
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739. Who invited you?
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740. - Woo!
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741. Mmm.
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