I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson 2x2

Bob Odenkirk as Man in Diner • Patti Harrison as The Capital Room Investor

An office dispute over shirt patterns. A little lie about the ice cream store escalates quickly. A man suspects a baby is aware of his checkered past.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Do you have what it takes to make a deal

2. with one of the investor moguls

3. in The Capital Room?

4. Entrepreneurs from around the world have one chance to see

5. if they can secure the capital from our star investors.

6. The moguls invest their own money at their own discretion,

7. on The Capital Room…

8. I turned my parents' struggling dry cleaning and clothes repair business

9. into a fashion empire.

10. I started in the mailroom and made my way to the head of the boardroom.

11. I started off with a sunglass stand in a mall.

12. Now you can find Tabbitoe frames in every major city in the world.

13. I sued the city because I was accidentally sewed into the pants

14. of the big Charlie Brown at the Thanksgiving Day parade.

15. I made all my money off the big Charlie Brown,

16. so don't even come and try and tell me any crap!

17. I don't want that!

18. Business isn't a game for me, it's a war.

19. To this day, I hate bald boys.

20. I can't stand bald boys.

21. Every time I see them, I think I'm back in the pants.

22. Don't bring me a bad deal, or I'll…

23. I'm a wolf in the boardroom.

24. If I find out you're a sheep, I'll eat you alive.

25. I'm not used to being rich.

26. I can't stop having wine.

27. I can buy the most delicious wine now.

28. Business is in my blood. I can see past the numbers.

29. I'm scared about how much I need wine.

30. I can't even watch a movie anymore without a big pour of wine and popcorn.

31. My mouth is purple,

32. and when I look in the toilet bowl, it's purple. Purple and black.

33. I'm very careful with my parade money,

34. 'cause my fortune's not getting any bigger.

35. It's just that amount of money that gets smaller till I die.

36. Or I make a good deal with you.

37. Could it be you?

38. Well, this should be our last session today.

39. We can put this deal to bed, and then you all can go back

40. to New York with a brand-new territory.

41. I love it.

42. Let's all turn to page 46 of the merger documents.

43. Mmm-hmm.

44. - No amendments on our end. - Looks good to us.

45. No red flags on our end.

46. Okay, great.

47. Let's go ahead and move on to the next page.

48. We keep up this pace, we'll be out of here by 2:00.

49. What the hell's going on with Mike?

50. I'm just a little jet lagged, sir, so I'm lying down.

51. - We've been here for ten days. - He's not eating.

52. He's spending all his per diem on shirts.

53. Shut the fuck up, Doug, you fucking skunk!

54. What are you talking about?

55. He's skipping all of his meals and using the money we gave him for food

56. to buy those dumb shirts.

57. Bullshit!

58. Well, I will admit I am using the money

59. the company has given me for food to buy shirts. Yes, I am.

60. - To buy shirts? - Sir, you're going to love this.

61. I found this badass store called Dan Flashes,

62. that's my exact style.

63. I've never been to a store like Dan Flashes

64. where everything in the store, I would wear.

65. - Mike, you have to eat. - Not today, sir.

66. - Definitely not today, no. - Excuse me?

67. Dan Flashes got a new shirt in today that's $450.

68. - What? - 'Cause the pattern's so complicated,

69. you idiot!

70. It costs more because of the patterns.

71. Yeah, and rightfully so!

72. This one I'm wearing now? This is $150, out the door.

73. And this is not that complicated.

74. They have this one shirt that costs $1,000 'cause the pattern's so wild.

75. I want that one so bad.

76. Mike, we have to focus.

77. I'm just not going to let Doug say that about Dan Flashes,

78. - that the patterns aren't complicated. - I never said that.

79. You said they shouldn't jack up the prices!

80. That means that the patterns aren't complicated and they are.

81. Even on this one, which is bargain bin.

82. Okay. - Still nuts.

83. - That's not what Doug was saying. - He kind of is, though.

84. That's how they value the shirt.

85. The more the lines crisscross and the patterns overlap.

86. Okay.

87. 'Cause if you're saying they're not complicated…

88. They are. They are.

89. Maybe we should take a little break.

90. Yeah, that'd be great. I'm so hot.

91. He just wants to leave early so he can go to The Shops at the Creeks.

92. - What the hell is the Creeks? That's where Dan Flashes is.

93. Susan, did I tell you that they have a shirt there that cost $2,000

94. 'cause it's so complicated?

95. You said they had a shirt that cost $1,000.

96. - I'm talking to Susan! Aren't I, Doug? - Okay, please stop screaming at Doug.

97. I don't think I'm screaming.

98. - You've been screaming all the time. - I screamed once.

99. - You screamed a ton— - Shut the fuck up, Doug!

100. - You fucking scum! - You shut the fuck up. I'll kill you.

101. All right, take the temperature down a little bit

102. and, uh, push on.

103. I believe we're on page 47.

104. Janet, this particular budget… Susan. Susan.

105. The guys that Dan Flashes were using in the ad for them

106. looked a lot like me.

107. I'm going, "Okay, I've gotta try this place."

108. "A lot of these guys look a lot like me."

109. - Could you please stop whispering? - I can't scream.

110. - I can't whisper. How about this? - What happened to your hand?

111. He got thrown down the stairs at Dan Flashes.

112. Shut the fuck up, Doug! I did, though.

113. Dan Flashes is a very aggressive store.

114. I mean, you walk by a store and you see 50 guys

115. who look just like me fighting over very complicated shirts,

116. you go in.

117. Yes, you do. You go in.

118. Let's come back to this tomorrow, and Mike, eat something by then.

119. I will. I'll eat Doug's mom's wig.

120. - Her wig? - Shut up, Doug.

121. I'll eat her whole fucking head. I don't care.

122. Okay, buddy. Come on.

123. Finish your chicken fingers. We gotta get back to your mom and sister.

124. Can we stop at the ice cream store on the way home?

125. - No, not today. It's already way too late. - Pretty please. I've been good all day.

126. Um… You know, I wish we could,

127. but actually, the ice cream store is closed today.

128. What do you mean? - You didn't know?

129. When it's too cold outside, all the ice cream stores close

130. because the ice cream machines freeze up and they don't work anymore.

131. Yeah, your dad's right.

132. Uh, when the temperature drops, the ice cream machines freeze up.

133. See, what did I tell you?

134. That's how come we both know about ice cream stores.

135. - Okay, buddy. - We go way back.

136. Uh, we're the same age, actually, right?

137. Uh…

138. - Yeah. - And I own every kind of classic car.

139. - What was that? - Uh, classic cars.

140. I own every kind of a classic car 'cause I'm rich, right?

141. Yeah. Yeah, he's rich.

142. - I even have doubles. - What?

143. I have doubles of the cars. Some of 'em.

144. That way I know I have a pristine one in storage.

145. Then I can drive it, it gets scratched, I don't care.

146. Yeah.

147. Actually, that's how I know about the ice cream store,

148. because I drove by one earlier today in one of the doubles…

149. uh, the double of the Barracuda.

150. Actually, I have triples of the Barracuda. I have triples, right?

151. - If I don't, the other stuff's not true. - He has triples of the Barracuda.

152. See, the Barracuda's the one I have triples of.

153. Oh, no, actually, I also have triples of the Road Runner, too.

154. But just those two. And your dad and I are the same age,

155. and I'm rich and I have triples of the Barracuda and the Road Runner.

156. Cool. Can we get the check, please, when you get a chance?

157. This is good news. That deal went through.

158. All right, that's going to work out. I have triples of the Nova now.

159. Triples makes it safe. Triples is best.

160. - Yeah. That's best. - Could you stop?

161. I love my cars. You know me. I'm driving my classic cars all the time.

162. It's just me and the open road.

163. I go for days and days, all alone just…

164. But I do… I have a wife.

165. He knows. You know I have a wife. Tell her about my wife.

166. Yeah.

167. - She's good, right? - Yeah.

168. Yeah, I know his wife. She's great.

169. She was a model around the world. She was on posters.

170. Yeah. I used to have a poster of her in my garage.

171. And then I met her. Can you believe it?

172. And she asked me to marry her, and I didn't even want to.

173. But she's beautiful, but she's dying.

174. She's sick, but she's hanging in there. Tell her.

175. - You know— - Tell the kid.

176. His wife sick, but she's gonna get better.

177. She's gonna get better.

178. - And I'm rich. - He's rich.

179. And I don't live in a hotel.

180. My friend doesn't live in a hotel.

181. I've got a good wife. - He's got a wife who's perfect for him.

182. And the cars…

183. He's got triples of the Barracuda, the Road Runner.

184. Triples of the Nova.

185. Well, good, that Nova deal's a sure thing now.

186. Spend your day with us at Shops at the Creek.

187. The Shops at the Creek is an outdoor shopping experience

188. that offers something for the whole family.

189. Enjoy a cappuccino on Yellow Smokes' gorgeous outdoor patio.

190. Or stop by Mario Cantozi's award-winning bake shop

191. featured on HGTV's Sweet Eats.

192. And don't forget to come by Dan Flashes, high-end menswear with distinct patterns

193. at prices that are going up, up, and away.

194. Aw.

195. Can I hold?

196. - Here you go. - Oh, my God.

197. Watch the head, watch the head.

198. Oh, my God. He is so precious.

199. Thank you.

200. - Maybe we could have another. - Let's talk about that later.

201. - You want to hold him? - Sure. Yeah.

202. Okay. - Okay.

203. - Oh.

204. Of course he cries when I hold him.

205. - Oh, yeah. - All right, back to—

206. - It's not a big deal.

207. Ah, it's not a big deal. I guess he just doesn't like me.

208. No, no, he's just fussy.

209. No, probably just doesn't like me 'cause I used to be a piece of shit.

210. - He likes you. Don't worry about it. - I'm not worried about it.

211. I know I used to be a piece of shit. I don't give a rat's ass.

212. I'm gonna go see if he's hungry. Maybe that's the problem.

213. That's not the problem.

214. It's that I used to be a fucking piece of shit.

215. - Are you Meredith's mom? - I am.

216. I'm really worried about her.

217. She's been acting so weird lately.

218. Like, did you just see that thing

219. where she thinks I give a rat's ass that her baby cried

220. because it knows I used to be a piece of shit?

221. - Did you used to be a piece of shit? - Oh, yeah.

222. Slicked back hair, white bathing suit, sloppy steaks, white couch…

223. You would have not liked me back then.

224. What are sloppy steaks?

225. It's a steak with water dumped on it. It's really, really good.

226. - You have slicked back hair now. - You think this is slicked back?

227. This is pushed back.

228. Hey, Meredith.

229. I'm worried that the baby thinks people can't change.

230. Can we stop talking about it?

231. 'Cause I've worked really, really hard to change.

232. Ask Mark. He used to be in my Dangerous Night's Crew.

233. Dangerous Night's Crew? We went out for wings once.

234. You took me to a place called Blue Dolphin.

235. Blue Dolphin burned down. It's gone now.

236. Rob Rovani's ass out. Works with his brother now.

237. - Oh! Heard a little cry there.

238. I don't want to say it, but…

239. Oh, yeah.

240. Oh, yeah, that would slick back really nice.

241. Oh, yeah!

242. Meredith, you never told me

243. your old grandpa used to be a huge piece of shit.

244. Could you not call my dad a piece of shit?

245. I said he used to be a piece of shit. He's not anymore.

246. I'm not anymore.

247. Glass house, white Ferrari, live for New Year's Eve.

248. Sloppy steaks at Truffoni's.

249. Big, rare cut of meat with water dumped all over it.

250. Water splashing around the table makes the night so much more fun.

251. After the club, go to Truffoni's for sloppy steaks.

252. They'd say, "No sloppy steaks."

253. But they can't stop you from ordering a steak and a glass of water.

254. Before you knew it, we were dumping that water on those steaks.

255. The waiters were coming to try and snatch 'em up.

256. We had to eat as fast as we could.

257. Oh, I miss those nights. I was a piece of shit, though.

258. - Used to be. - I said, "was!"

259. I think I'm ready to hold the baby now.

260. I don't think that's a good idea.

261. Oh.

262. Oh.

263. Okay. All right, I'm…

264. I'm probably just gonna grab the gift I brought

265. and get out of here.

266. Let him hold the baby. People can change.

267. I used to be a piece of shit.

268. Spiked up blond hair, little bitty jeans,

269. chicken spaghetti at Chikaleny's.

270. People can change.

271. Let the boy hold the baby.

272. It smiled at me.

273. I'm not a piece of shit.

274. I used to be.

275. People can change.

276. People can change.

277. Thank you. We're good.

278. No sloppy steaks, guys, please.

279. - I mean it. - Come on!

280. What do you think we're going to do? What do you think we're going to do?

281. Did we order sloppy steaks? No, we're good guys.

282. Let's slop 'em up.