I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson 2x4

An offhanded joke leaves a husband guilt-ridden. An attempt to ease tensions during a trip backfires. A pants-centric website with a specific purpose.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - Throw in an eight. - [man 1] Yeah.

2. - I'm out. Too rich for my blood.

3. Oh, what happened to Mr. High Roller, huh?

4. Mr. High Roller's wife's about to buy a new patio set.

5. I'm not arguing. Easier to just say, "Okay, honey, okay."

6. - I've got nothing. - That's what your wife said.

7. Trust me, my wife has nothing to complain about.

8. Unless you're talking about every little thing I've ever done.

9. Okay, okay, call, call.

10. - Oh… Flush.

11. That's what my wife says every time I have to pee.

12. And I say, "I'm just gonna pee again in ten minutes."

13. "What am I gonna do, flush again? It's just piss."

14. "Just piss." That's good.

15. Whoa. Looks like someone's going for a new record.

16. Oh. Yeah.

17. You guys would be clugging a few cans too, if you had my wife.

18. [man 2] That was funny.

19. Hey, honey…

20. I, uh, auditioned for a play

21. and I got the part.

22. - Oh, my God!

23. - Your husband is a henchman. - You're a henchman!

24. - How was your dress rehearsal? - Jamie Taco keeps taking my lines.

25. - Who's Jamie Taco? - He's the other henchman.

26. He says my lines before I can even get 'em out.

27. The director doesn't do anything. Jamie took 15 of my lines.

28. What do you mean he says them before you can get them?

29. He says 'em so fast, before I can say them,

30. then they become his lines.

31. I should quit, I don't even know what I'm doing.

32. Honey, no.

33. But I'm never gonna say my lines faster than Jamie Taco!

34. He had no idea what he was doing, and I told him,

35. "Have you ever done anything before?"

36. - It was all weird and ridiculous— - Jamie?

37. Yes?

38. Uh, some of the lines you're saying might be my lines.

39. What?

40. Some of the lines you say on stage, I think some of them might be my lines.

41. Who said them? Who said the lines?

42. Well, you did. But they're supposed to be mine.

43. You gotta be much quicker if you want to have those lines.

44. The audience doesn't know whose lines they are.

45. And if I say them, they're mine. And I'm quick.

46. Hey, Brandon, wait up! I'm starving!

47. I'll slap your head around, you jabroni. Now give me some pozole, I'm hungry.

48. I'm no jabroni. My uncle is going to shoot your head off.

49. Don't talk to me like that. I got 1,500 guys that'll pop you.

50. My pozole!

51. - Grab the keys— - Grab the keys, get in the truck, jabroni!

52. I'll slap you, jabroni!

53. You were so good!

54. I only got the— I only got the one line out.

55. But it was the best line of the night.

56. - Really? - Really.

57. - Let's go get something to eat. - Okay.

58. Hey, ah, good job tonight, Jamie.

59. I'm going to get that line tomorrow.

60. I am so proud of you.

61. I love you. - I know.

62. - I love you. - I love you, too.

63. Hey, when you said…

64. No.

65. No, no, I wish I hadn't said that.

66. I love my wife.

67. She helped me when I freaked out about Jamie Taco.

68. - Come on, we're all joking around. - Yeah, come on.

69. I'm gonna go. I'm not going to stay the night.

70. Come on! - He never stays the night.

71. He always says he's gonna and he never does.

72. Scott, stay.

73. It's my birthday.

74. I gotta go.

75. Should I toss this in the trash or you have a recycling here?

76. You can just throw it in the bin under the sink.

77. Or you could put it in the trash hutch

78. that Marcus was going to build on the porch.

79. - What? - Are you serious?

80. Why say that? We come here three times a year, when will I build it?

81. Jesus, Marcus. It was just a joke.

82. A really funny joke about how I haven't built the trash hutch. Thank you.

83. Ugh.

84. What a baby.

85. I'm so sorry, it's so tense here.

86. Jesus Christ.

87. - You know? Think I might be able to help. - What are you gonna do?

88. Where's my big green bag?

89. I put it in the closet with our jackets.

90. I'll be right back. I think I might be able to help.

91. I should probably get up and start getting dinner ready.

92. What? - Was that a joke?

93. I honestly can't tell with you.

94. What the hell is he doing?

95. What the fuck is he doing? What are you doing?

96. Saving the party, brother!

97. Can you calm Barbie down? She's freaking out.

98. I'm trying, but she can't.

99. She thinks he's a new guy 'cause of the glasses and the hat.

100. - What do you mean? - 'Cause of the hat and glasses.

101. - She's thinks that he's a new guy. - Can you take the hat and glasses off?

102. - No. - Damn it!

103. Probably smells my dog.

104. What? We know what the problem is.

105. - Something spooked her. - It's Lisa's fuckin' boyfriend.

106. Okay, if you just take that hat and glasses off—

107. He said no, Jeanine!

108. Jack it up a lot.

109. - Okay, it's too loud.

110. Mommy, what's happening?

111. Marcus, can you please calm the dog down? She's scaring my kid!

112. - It's her house, she's doing what's right! - Fuck you.

113. - It's too loud!

114. Stop! Stop!

115. Stop. - Nobody likes what you're doing.

116. - Turn the music down a bit. - You're upsetting everybody.

117. - Oh, fuck! Oh, my God!

118. Take off the glasses, too.

119. It's just me, Barbie, I'm not the Blues Brothers.

120. This… This really is quite a beautiful house.

121. - Hey. - Hey.

122. Looks like you were in a bit of a rush.

123. What's that?

124. Your pants, didn't finish shaking?

125. Oh.

126. No, he did. He shook.

127. - He did what? - He finished shaking.

128. Those ain't piss dots.

129. - That's got nothing to do with piss. - Excuse me?

130. Those pants come like that with those two little dots.

131. They're really in style right now. Even rappers wear 'em.

132. Don't believe me? Look it up for yourself. Go to calicocutpants.com.

133. - Calico Cut? - Calicocutpants.com, right now.

134. It's not that big a deal.

135. If you don't believe me, go ahead, look it up right now.

136. Okay, fine.

137. - "Calicocutpants.com."

138. Oh, yeah, here it is.

139. - They sell pants with little dots on 'em. - That's got nothing to do with piss.

140. Oh, okay. Sorry. Thought he dropped a few drops of pee.

141. He didn't. That ain't the case here.

142. That ain't piss. That's got nothing to do with piss.

143. Okay.

144. Okay.

145. See ya.

146. Uh, thanks, but I didn't buy these pants like this.

147. I know. You can't buy those pants. Those pants don't exist.

148. They don't?

149. It's just a website that says that these kinds of pants exist.

150. Wouldn't you agree that's all you need?

151. I don't know.

152. If Glen thinks that they sell those kinds of pants,

153. he can't prove that you got piss on your pants

154. or that you just own these kinds of pants.

155. It's the perfect thing.

156. I guess. What happens if you try to buy the pants on that website?

157. They all say they're out of stock.

158. That also makes it seem like it's a hot item.

159. It's the same thing Supreme does, wouldn't you agree?

160. I guess.

161. But you gotta give.

162. - I'm sorry? - You gotta give.

163. That means no banner ads, no paywall. It's completely user funded.

164. So you pay to keep it active?

165. It's just like PBS.

166. Anyone can use it, but if nobody gives, it goes dark.

167. Rick, the guy who started this thing, he's completely under water.

168. He can't get a grip on this thing.

169. So, it's only right, if you use something, to give, right?

170. Yeah.

171. Hey, hold that door! Hold that door! Hold that door!

172. Did you give?

173. Oh. Uh, hey. No, not yet.

174. If people use it and they don't give, it could go dark.

175. So, one more time, it's that we give money to the website to keep it active,

176. even though it doesn't actually sell pants?

177. What are you thinking? If people find out they don't sell the pants,

178. the whole thing falls apart.

179. - What are you doing? - So no one can hear they don't sell pants.

180. The whole thing relies on the users giving

181. and the users being discreet about that they don't sell the pants!

182. - But you gotta give! - I'll give. Jesus!

183. - Do it now. - I'll do it later. I promise.

184. At least open the tab, so I know you won't forget.

185. - Calicocutpants.com. Yeah.

186. Okay, there. I gotta get back to work.

187. Hey, everybody, it's Rick here from calicocutpants.com,

188. and I want to thank you so much for giving to our website.

189. And if I'm being honest, this thing has completely blown up in my face.

190. This ain't my main gig, it's my side gig,

191. and I can't really get a hold of this on any end.

192. What is this?

193. - This is auto play. - Things in my life are not going good.

194. Rick explaining what's happening with the company. Why it's important to give.

195. I'm a dead man walking. I got no time left.

196. I'm only eating burgers, the only thing I can afford.

197. - How do you turn it down? - Put the volume down.

198. It's not working. - Try the little "X"!

199. Quite simply, it's just like PBS.

200. I didn't even ask to use it.

201. But you did use it. It helped you out of a jam with Glen.

202. So now you gotta pay.

203. Hey! - Hold that door! Hold that door!

204. Give.

205. Hey, Jeff, here's that thing you asked for, that paper.

206. You gotta give.

207. - Man, I'm trying to work here. - I told Rick you're a man of honor.

208. And I owe Calico Cut Pants a lot.

209. When my wife was in the hospital, I was very distracted.

210. I was taking four seconds on a six-second piss

211. and letting the last two seconds straight down my leg.

212. - What? - And it helped to know

213. I had the trapeze net of the site,

214. so I could focus on what I really needed to focus on,

215. which is to be there for my wife and answer the questions for the doctors.

216. Like, what did she go near? Or on a hike, did she walk too close to a tower?

217. Or, I don't know, not this probably, but did she eat a battery?

218. Rick knew I wasn't gonna give that month, and he barely hounded me.

219. I'm sorry. What? What was wrong with your wife?

220. She had eaten a battery, a little battery,

221. like a circle battery, like a watch battery.

222. Oh.

223. You gotta give! Hey!

224. If you use something and you don't give…

225. Give. To. The system.

226. Hey, Debbie, what's going on? You wore that dress yesterday.

227. My God.

228. I'm the Rock.

229. Mike "The Rock" Davis from the W Doh W.

230. then you're the problem!

231. And if you watch my matches, then you know that I don't like problems!

232. There you are.

233. Did you give?

234. What the fuck? Get the fuck off my shirt, man!

235. This is mine!

236. The volume on that video wouldn't turn down.

237. - Did you push volume down? - Yes.

238. I don't know what to tell you. I don't do volume stuff. Did you give?

239. No, don't send me videos of loud wrestlers.

240. When you donate, it doesn't go to that!

241. - What? - The money doesn't go to the video.

242. Rick didn't pay Mike "The Rock" Davis

243. to do that video with donation funds like people are saying.

244. Mike did that video for free.

245. They grew up together, Rick and Mike, on the same street.

246. They lost their virginity the same night at a party at the same house.

247. What the fuck are you talking about?

248. If your wife ever goes to the hospital, you'll be happy you gave!

249. She just keeps eating batteries.

250. She says she's not eating them, then we go to the doctor,

251. the doctor says, "Yeah, we found a battery in there."

252. Yeah. Okay, fine, I'll give.

253. - You owe me a new shirt, too. - What?

254. You hit me in the cup and you grabbed my shirt.

255. You stretched it out, it looks like a bell now.

256. - You can't do that! - Okay, fine, I'll get you a new shirt.

257. I wish I never told you about calicocutpants.com.

258. But your wife's rich, so I'm going to bleed you dry.

259. Now that I have the video of you hitting me in the cup.

260. What are you talking about, you have a video?

261. Sean, the security guard…

262. he gives.

263. Kal, the IT guy…

264. he gives.

265. A lot of people give.

266. You can either be my friend or my enemy.

267. A lot of people give.

268. You hit me in the cup.