1. You know how Aunt Robin's
a big fan of Halloween?
Copy !req
2. Always dressing up in crazy costumes?
Copy !req
3. Well, she wasn't always that way.
Copy !req
4. Back in 2005, she thought she was
too cool for Halloween.
Copy !req
5. Unlike Aunt Lily.
Copy !req
6. - Guess what came in the mail today?
- Our costumes?
Copy !req
7. - Do they rule?
- They rule.
Copy !req
8. And yours is 100% wool,
Copy !req
9. so you won't get hypothermia
like last year.
Copy !req
10. Tarzan nipple blue.
Copy !req
11. You know what I love about Halloween?
Copy !req
12. It's the one night of the year chicks use
to unleash their inner ho-bag.
Copy !req
13. If a girl dresses up as a witch,
she's a slutty witch.
Copy !req
14. If she's a cat, she's a slutty cat.
Copy !req
15. - If she's a nurse...
- Wow. We get it.
Copy !req
16. She's a slutty nurse.
Copy !req
17. Robin, what are you doing for Halloween?
Copy !req
18. Oh, I don't know.
Copy !req
19. Probably hanging out with Mike,
this guy I've been seeing.
Copy !req
20. Mike? There's a Mike?
Copy !req
21. You have a boyfriend
and you haven't told us?
Copy !req
22. No. I mean, he's not my boyfriend.
Copy !req
23. He's just this guy I've been seeing
for a couple of weeks.
Copy !req
24. Boyfriend.
Copy !req
25. So why haven't we met him?
Copy !req
26. We're not really ready to go public yet.
Copy !req
27. Married.
Copy !req
28. How about we go
on a Halloween double-date?
Copy !req
29. I don't know, we were kind of thinking
about staying at home
Copy !req
30. and dressing up as naked people.
Copy !req
31. Come on, Robin, trot out your new fella.
Copy !req
32. Let us judge and evaluate him
behind your back.
Copy !req
33. It'll be fun.
Copy !req
34. Hey, Ted, you'll never guess
what happened?
Copy !req
35. - Your costumes came?
- Our costumes... Yes.
Copy !req
36. That is why we're best friends.
Copy !req
37. Hey, Ted,
what are you doing for Halloween?
Copy !req
38. - Well...
- What?
Copy !req
39. Every Halloween,
Ted waits for the slutty pumpkin.
Copy !req
40. That's right.
Copy !req
41. What's the slutty pumpkin?
Copy !req
42. You mean, "Who is the slutty pumpkin?"
Copy !req
43. It was four years ago.
Copy !req
44. I was at this Halloween party
up on the roof of our building,
Copy !req
45. about to call it an early night,
when out of nowhere
Copy !req
46. appeared this girl
in the sexiest pumpkin costume.
Copy !req
47. Wait, how can a pumpkin costume
be sexy?
Copy !req
48. It was carved in strategic places.
Copy !req
49. So, we're at the
bar and I see her mix
Copy !req
50. - Kahlúa and...
- Kahlúa and root beer.
Copy !req
51. A cocktail she invented herself.
Copy !req
52. - And she...
- And she called it the Tootsie Roll.
Copy !req
53. - Because...
Because it tastes
Copy !req
54. like an alcoholic Tootsie Roll.
Copy !req
55. Hey, can I please tell the story?
Copy !req
56. So we had this instant connection.
Copy !req
57. She gave me her number. But then...
Copy !req
58. Something went terribly wrong.
Copy !req
59. Guys!
Copy !req
60. Something went terribly wrong.
Copy !req
61. Happy Halloween.
Copy !req
62. Sonny, where's Cher?
Copy !req
63. - Cher.
- Right here, babe.
Copy !req
64. I just met the perfect woman.
Copy !req
65. She's funny, she's beautiful,
she loves Star Wars.
Copy !req
66. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's her take on Ewoks?
Copy !req
67. - Loves them.
- Oh, good.
Copy !req
68. I don't know why people
are so cynical about Ewoks.
Copy !req
69. The Rebellion would've failed
without the Ewoks.
Copy !req
70. And get this. She's a marine biologist.
Copy !req
71. She spent a year in Antarctica
studying penguins.
Copy !req
72. Oh, penguins are cool.
Copy !req
73. Kind of like black-and-white Ewoks.
I approve.
Copy !req
74. Hey, where's my Kit Kat?
I put it right here on this table.
Copy !req
75. I don't know,
but we have plenty of chocolate here.
Copy !req
76. No, no, no, you don't understand.
I need that Kit Kat.
Copy !req
77. She wrote her number on that wrapper.
Where is it?
Copy !req
78. Uh-oh.
Copy !req
79. Hey, Dracula, come on. Give me the candy.
Give me it!
Copy !req
80. Where's the Kit Kat? Where's the Kit Kat?
Copy !req
81. Never found her number.
Never saw her again.
Copy !req
82. But every year
they have a Halloween party
Copy !req
83. up on the roof, so that's where I'll be.
Copy !req
84. You know, Ted, it's been four years.
Copy !req
85. She could be engaged, or married,
Copy !req
86. or, God forbid, fat.
Copy !req
87. I don't know, I got a feeling.
Copy !req
88. This could be the year.
Copy !req
89. Halloween is a night of wonder and magic.
Copy !req
90. All right, bring the mockery.
Fine. I can take it.
Copy !req
91. Come on,
wouldn't it be the coolest story ever
Copy !req
92. if the slutty pumpkin turned out
to be my future wife?
Copy !req
93. Oh, on the off chance that
that could happen,
Copy !req
94. maybe we should stop calling her
the slutty pumpkin.
Copy !req
95. Good idea.
Copy !req
96. Ted, is your world ready
to be rocked?
Copy !req
97. Can't wait.
Copy !req
98. So, what do you think?
Copy !req
99. So, what do you think?
Copy !req
100. Wow!
Copy !req
101. Marshall, are you wearing eyeliner?
Copy !req
102. Oh, yeah. Weirdly hot, right?
Copy !req
103. We are so gonna win
the costume contest this year.
Copy !req
104. First prize, a $50 gift
certificate at the bar.
Copy !req
105. And how much did you pay
for your costumes?
Copy !req
106. $100.
Copy !req
107. Each.
Copy !req
108. Well, I think you guys look great.
Copy !req
109. What are you going as?
Oh, like I even need to ask.
Copy !req
110. Hey, I want the slutty pumpkin
to recognize me,
Copy !req
111. and she knows me as a hanging chad.
Copy !req
112. What? She thought it was hilarious.
Copy !req
113. Yeah, four years ago.
Copy !req
114. But nobody remembers
what the hell a hanging chad is.
Copy !req
115. What a sad commentary
on our national attention span,
Copy !req
116. that we could forget such a turbulent time
in our political history.
Copy !req
117. Sad commentary.
Copy !req
118. All right, Polly gotta pee.
Copy !req
119. Again?
Copy !req
120. - Where are you going?
- It's an elaborate costume.
Copy !req
121. Highway to the danger zone
Copy !req
122. Gonna take you right
Copy !req
123. Into the danger zone
Copy !req
124. No, no, not again. Not this year.
Copy !req
125. You're going as my wingman.
Flightsuit up.
Copy !req
126. No thanks.
I'm sticking with the hanging chad.
Copy !req
127. Oh, you're dangerous, Maverick.
Copy !req
128. Your ego's writing checks
your body can't cash.
Copy !req
129. Okay.
Copy !req
130. Here's the plan, and I crap you not.
Copy !req
131. I'm getting us into
the Victoria's Secret Halloween party.
Copy !req
132. Trust me. By the end of the night,
your chad will not be hanging.
Copy !req
133. We can get rejected by supermodels
any night of the year.
Copy !req
134. Tonight, I'm going up to the roof,
Copy !req
135. I'm gonna have a few beers,
I'm gonna wait for the slutty pumpkin.
Copy !req
136. It's just what I do.
Copy !req
137. Victoria's Secret models prancing around
in bras and panties,
Copy !req
138. or Yale preppies reuniting
their stupid a cappella group.
Copy !req
139. What's that, left hand? Right hand sucks?
Copy !req
140. Word.
Copy !req
141. I'm heading up to the roof.
Copy !req
142. Well, boys,
looks like it's just the three of us.
Copy !req
143. What's that? Self-five? Nice. We out.
Copy !req
144. Hey, chad. How's it hanging?
Copy !req
145. Hey, wordplay. Funny.
Copy !req
146. Nice outfit.
Copy !req
147. - I'm a parrot.
- You sure are.
Copy !req
148. - Where's Mike?
- He's meeting me here.
Copy !req
149. I ran late covering
the Halloween parade in the Village.
Copy !req
150. There are, like,
a zillion gay pirates this year.
Copy !req
151. Seriously, does my eyeliner look okay?
Copy !req
152. Yes, it's weirdly hot.
Copy !req
153. So, where's your costume?
Copy !req
154. You know, Mike and I joked
about doing something together,
Copy !req
155. but we decided not to dress up.
Copy !req
156. Oh, jeez.
Copy !req
157. Hi.
Copy !req
158. Everyone, this is Michael.
That is not his real hair.
Copy !req
159. Where's your costume, Gretel?
Copy !req
160. You thought I was...
Copy !req
161. Oh, I was just kidding.
Copy !req
162. I gotta stop making jokes in e-mails.
It's so hard to convey tone.
Copy !req
163. I think we got them beat.
Copy !req
164. I can't believe you talked me into this.
Copy !req
165. I didn't. You followed me up here.
Copy !req
166. This party sucks.
Copy !req
167. There's seven chicks here.
Copy !req
168. There's six chicks here.
Copy !req
169. Relax. The night is young.
It's gonna get better.
Copy !req
170. Ladies and gentlemen,
Copy !req
171. as on pitch as they were
at Spring Fling '95,
Copy !req
172. it's my pleasure to welcome back
The Shagarats.
Copy !req
173. My bonnie lies over the ocean
Copy !req
174. My bonnie lies over the sea
Copy !req
175. My bonnie lies over the ocean
Copy !req
176. Oh, bring back my bonnie to me
Copy !req
177. What be a pirate's
favorite kind of sweater?
Copy !req
178. Argyle.
Copy !req
179. And what be a pirate's
Copy !req
180. favorite fast food restaurant?
Copy !req
181. Arby's.
Copy !req
182. 'Twould think it would be Arby's.
Copy !req
183. But actually it's Long John Silver's.
Copy !req
184. Actually, I kind of need this hand to eat.
Copy !req
185. Oh.
Copy !req
186. - Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
187. - Oh, thank you.
- I'm starving.
Copy !req
188. It's so nice to meet you, Mike.
You guys are really cute together.
Copy !req
189. Yeah. We've been spending
a lot of time together.
Copy !req
190. We're even getting to that point
where we finish each other's...
Copy !req
191. - This cheeseburger is so...
- Good.
Copy !req
192. See?
Copy !req
193. I think you won the dish-off
tonight, baby.
Copy !req
194. This steak totally bitch-slapped
my pork chops.
Copy !req
195. That may be true.
Copy !req
196. But your rice pilaf
kicked my spinach in the crotch so hard,
Copy !req
197. it threw up a little bit.
Copy !req
198. Robin, you have to try this chicken.
Copy !req
199. Oh, no, that's good. I'm okay. Thanks.
Copy !req
200. It's really tasty.
Copy !req
201. I'm just really feeling this cheeseburger.
Copy !req
202. Come on, just try a little bite.
Copy !req
203. Dude, I'm kind of in the zone here.
Copy !req
204. Oh, for God's sakes.
Copy !req
205. Really tasty.
Copy !req
206. - Hey.
- Hey.
Copy !req
207. So, what does a fella have to do
to get lei-ed around here?
Copy !req
208. Yeah.
Copy !req
209. Right. 'Cause I'm wearing a lei.
Copy !req
210. God.
Copy !req
211. It isn't funny if you explain the joke.
Copy !req
212. - Let's bail.
- No, Barney, come on. I'm having fun.
Copy !req
213. Plus, it's really great
to see all these guys again.
Copy !req
214. Name one person you know at this party.
Copy !req
215. Well, there's Ninja,
Copy !req
216. Back of Horse.
Hey, where's Front of Horse?
Copy !req
217. That guy's a riot, where is he?
Copy !req
218. Okay, I'm leaving.
Copy !req
219. But just know that this
Victoria's Secret party is on a yacht.
Copy !req
220. And what will be sticking to that yacht?
Copy !req
221. The Barnacle.
Copy !req
222. - Really? That's the nickname now?
- Yeah, the Barnacle.
Copy !req
223. - The Barnacle?
- That's it.
Copy !req
224. Barnacle out.
Copy !req
225. Have fun, Barnacle.
Copy !req
226. So, do you like Mike?
Copy !req
227. Do you like Mike?
Copy !req
228. Of course I do. Why?
Copy !req
229. It just doesn't seem like it.
Copy !req
230. You won't share your food,
you won't wear a costume.
Copy !req
231. Oh, Lily, you know me.
I'm just not into all that coupley stuff.
Copy !req
232. Okay, I know that stuff
looks dumb from the outside.
Copy !req
233. But it's kind of the greatest thing
in the world when you're a part of it.
Copy !req
234. If you just gave it a chance,
you might like it.
Copy !req
235. Are you trying to get me to join a cult?
Copy !req
236. Robin, Mike likes you.
Copy !req
237. If you don't start meeting him halfway,
you're gonna lose him.
Copy !req
238. What?
Copy !req
239. Look, it's Halloween.
Copy !req
240. Just put on the girlfriend costume
for a night.
Copy !req
241. Okay. Well, what am I supposed to do?
Copy !req
242. Buy him a giant teddy bear or something?
Copy !req
243. How about you start by sharing dessert.
Copy !req
244. I can share dessert.
Copy !req
245. Good.
Copy !req
246. He better want the brownie sundae.
Copy !req
247. But, yeah.
Yeah, I can totally share. Yeah.
Copy !req
248. - Barney? What, you're back?
- That's right.
Copy !req
249. In a totally new costume.
Copy !req
250. Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume
Copy !req
251. in case I strike out
with the hottest girl at the party.
Copy !req
252. That way I have a second chance
to make a first impression.
Copy !req
253. What's with the face?
Copy !req
254. It's half "you're pathetic,"
half "I have to pee."
Copy !req
255. So go to the bathroom.
Copy !req
256. No, there's a huge line.
I don't wanna miss the slutty pumpkin.
Copy !req
257. So pee off the roof.
Copy !req
258. Ted, pee off the roof.
Copy !req
259. Whoa, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
There's people walking down there.
Copy !req
260. Come on, Ted.
Who are you gonna listen to?
Copy !req
261. Me or Mr. Goody-Goody over there?
Copy !req
262. Yeah, whatever. You guys got some weed?
Copy !req
263. A little to the left, Marshall.
Copy !req
264. Lily, squat down.
Copy !req
265. This is gonna be a slaughter.
Copy !req
266. None of these other costumes
even come close to ours.
Copy !req
267. Take the damn picture.
Copy !req
268. - Got it.
- Nice.
Copy !req
269. I still think we should've won
as Sonny and Cher.
Copy !req
270. Maybe if I'd worn the red dress.
Copy !req
271. If I could turn back time...
Copy !req
272. Wow. This sundae looks so good,
I could eat the whole thing.
Copy !req
273. But I would much rather share this small,
one-scoop sundae with you, Mike.
Copy !req
274. Apple tart, excellent choice, Lilypad.
Copy !req
275. Thanks, Marshmallow.
Copy !req
276. Well, let's dig in, Microwave Oven.
Copy !req
277. Let me guess.
Copy !req
278. Every guy's used the lei-ed line
on you tonight, huh?
Copy !req
279. You wouldn't believe.
Copy !req
280. I apologize for my gender.
Copy !req
281. Let me make it up to you.
Make you a drink.
Copy !req
282. You certainly are a charming devil.
Copy !req
283. I'm also a horny devil.
Copy !req
284. Yeah.
Copy !req
285. No.
Copy !req
286. Oh, go to hell.
Copy !req
287. You know, if you guys like tiramisu,
we found this little Italian place...
Copy !req
288. No, you found it. I came with you.
Copy !req
289. But go on.
Copy !req
290. I'm just saying we love tiramisu.
Copy !req
291. I cannot get enough of it.
Copy !req
292. We're crazy for the stuff.
Copy !req
293. I'm crazy and you're crazy
Copy !req
294. for tiramisu.
Copy !req
295. We love tiramisu.
Copy !req
296. Am I wrong saying that?
Copy !req
297. No, no, no. I mean, it just sounds
a little bit weird, doesn't it?
Copy !req
298. We love tiramisu.
Copy !req
299. Is it really a group activity,
loving tiramisu?
Copy !req
300. Right?
Copy !req
301. So, this Italian place.
How is their cannoli?
Copy !req
302. Easy there, hungry.
Copy !req
303. Yeah, looks like we're both hungry.
Copy !req
304. - Hey, is that Gary Oldman?
- Where?
Copy !req
305. I don't see...
Copy !req
306. Brain freeze.
Copy !req
307. - Okay, Victoria's Secret party, right now.
- Nope.
Copy !req
308. Come on, I can't stand
watching my delusional friend
Copy !req
309. waste another precious Halloween.
Copy !req
310. Ted, the slutty pumpkin is not coming.
Copy !req
311. She might.
Copy !req
312. Come on, Barney,
this is not about the odds.
Copy !req
313. It's about believing.
Copy !req
314. This girl, she represents something to me.
Copy !req
315. I don't know, hope.
Copy !req
316. Wow.
Copy !req
317. I did not understand a word you just said.
Copy !req
318. Lingerie models on a boat!
Copy !req
319. See you.
Copy !req
320. No. See you.
Copy !req
321. Wanna drink the melty part?
Copy !req
322. You know what, it's getting late.
I think I'm gonna take off.
Copy !req
323. Hey.
Copy !req
324. I thought we were gonna follow
those bread crumbs
Copy !req
325. back to my place, Hansel.
Copy !req
326. Robin, I don't get the sense
you like being with me.
Copy !req
327. I like being with you.
Copy !req
328. Not as much as you like being alone.
Copy !req
329. You like eating your own food,
Copy !req
330. sleeping in your own bed,
doing your own crosswords.
Copy !req
331. Well, who uses ink?
Copy !req
332. Sorry.
Copy !req
333. Okay, I'm a bit set in my ways.
Copy !req
334. That doesn't mean that this won't work.
Copy !req
335. Actually, it kind of does.
Copy !req
336. Wait, are we breaking up?
Copy !req
337. No, we aren't breaking up.
Copy !req
338. I'm breaking up with you.
Copy !req
339. And then,
just when I was about to lose hope.
Copy !req
340. She spent a year in Antarctica
studying penguins.
Copy !req
341. Kahlúa. Root beer.
Copy !req
342. Could this penguin be the slutty pumpkin?
Copy !req
343. Excuse me?
Copy !req
344. This is gonna sound crazy,
Copy !req
345. but I met someone up on this roof
four years ago
Copy !req
346. and they mixed that cocktail,
and they loved penguins.
Copy !req
347. By any chance, was that you?
Copy !req
348. It's you.
Copy !req
349. - Everyone thought I was crazy, but I...
- You are such a loser.
Copy !req
350. Come on, I came back for you, Ted.
Copy !req
351. I penguin-suited up
to show you the error of your ways.
Copy !req
352. And to score Hula Girl's number.
Check and check.
Copy !req
353. - Unbelievable.
- Yes, it is.
Copy !req
354. Wait a minute.
Copy !req
355. You're that lame army guy.
Copy !req
356. No, no, that's some other guy.
And he was a kick-ass fighter pilot.
Copy !req
357. I cannot believe I gave you my number.
Copy !req
358. Yeah, well, you did. Thanks.
Copy !req
359. Yeah, well, give it back.
Copy !req
360. Well, I don't think so. I earned it.
Fair and square. I'm calling you.
Copy !req
361. But I'm never gonna go out with you.
Copy !req
362. But how will you know it's me?
I'm a master of disguise.
Copy !req
363. Yeah.
Copy !req
364. Nice.
Copy !req
365. Come on, Ted. Victoria's Secret party.
Now. Let's go.
Copy !req
366. - I'm staying.
- Fine. Fine.
Copy !req
367. What are you doing?
Copy !req
368. I'm flippering you off.
Copy !req
369. Sweetie, I'm so sorry.
Copy !req
370. Seriously, it's not a big deal.
Copy !req
371. He wanted to be a "we"
and I wanted to be an "I."
Copy !req
372. Dudes are such chicks.
Copy !req
373. You guys, I'm fine.
Copy !req
374. Ladies and gentlemen, the results are in.
Copy !req
375. And the winners
of this year's costume contest are
Copy !req
376. Lily Aldrin as a parrot,
Copy !req
377. and Marshall Eriksen as a gay pirate.
Copy !req
378. Oh, yeah! Wait, what did he say?
Copy !req
379. Oh, who cares, Marshall? We won.
Copy !req
380. Wait. Gay pirate?
Where are you getting that from?
Copy !req
381. Dude, you're wearing eyeliner.
Copy !req
382. Okay, I just want everybody here to know
I'm not a gay pirate.
Copy !req
383. I have sex with my parrot all the time.
Copy !req
384. That came out wrong.
Copy !req
385. Oh, yeah, doesn't matter! We won!
Copy !req
386. - I love you, Marshmallow.
- I love you, too, Lilypad.
Copy !req
387. You guys, let me get a picture.
Copy !req
388. I want to know what it's like
Copy !req
389. On the inside of love...
Copy !req
390. I had a feeling I'd find you here.
Copy !req
391. Oh, hey.
Copy !req
392. If you're here for The Shagarats,
you just missed the fourth encore.
Copy !req
393. I never played any team sports.
Copy !req
394. Are we playing I Never,
'cause there's nothing left
Copy !req
395. but peach schnapps.
Copy !req
396. I played tennis in high school.
Copy !req
397. You know why?
Copy !req
398. Because it was just me out there.
I couldn't even stand playing doubles.
Copy !req
399. I just got dumped.
Copy !req
400. Oh, man, that sucks.
Copy !req
401. It's okay. I wasn't that into him.
Copy !req
402. Story of my life.
Copy !req
403. Everyone else is off falling in love
Copy !req
404. and acting stupid and goofy
and sweet and insane, but not me.
Copy !req
405. Why don't I want that more?
Copy !req
406. I want to want that.
Copy !req
407. - Am I wired wrong or something?
- No.
Copy !req
408. Look, you didn't want to be with me,
so clearly, you have abysmal taste in men.
Copy !req
409. But you're wired just fine.
Copy !req
410. Well, what if I'm just a cold person.
Copy !req
411. Tonight, Mike was willing
to look like a complete idiot for me,
Copy !req
412. but I couldn't be Gretel.
Copy !req
413. Why can't I be Gretel?
Copy !req
414. Because you just haven't met
the right Hansel yet.
Copy !req
415. Hey, one day you're gonna meet a guy
Copy !req
416. who's gonna make you wanna look
like a complete idiot.
Copy !req
417. - Really?
- Yeah, he's out there somewhere.
Copy !req
418. Just like the slutty pumpkin.
Copy !req
419. How do you do this, Ted?
Copy !req
420. How do you sit out here all night
on the roof, in the cold,
Copy !req
421. and still have faith
your pumpkin's gonna show up?
Copy !req
422. Well, I'm pretty drunk.
Copy !req
423. Look, I know that odds are,
the love of my life
Copy !req
424. isn't gonna magically walk
through that door in a pumpkin costume
Copy !req
425. at 2:43 in the morning.
Copy !req
426. But it seems as nice a spot as any
to just, you know,
Copy !req
427. sit and wait.
Copy !req
428. Scooch.
Copy !req
429. I want to know what it's like
Copy !req
430. On the inside of love...
Copy !req