House 8x7

1. The Patuxent River Naval Air Station near DC

2. was commissioned in 1943 by John McCain's grandfather.

3. I'm thinking of going hang-gliding.

4. Pax River's, like, completely flat.

5. I think that's why they tested the V-22 Osprey there.

6. I like naval stuff.

7. I like their oranges and lint.

8. What looks like kidney disease but isn't? And where's Chase?

9. Root canal and Berger's. The first one was regarding Chase,

10. root canal, if done correctly, doesn't look like kidney disease.

11. Got a case for you.

12. Smells funny.

13. Patient had an idiopathic anaphylactic reaction,

14. stumped two ER docs and an immunologist from Johns Hopkins.

15. Patient went from asymptomatic to fried kidneys in less than a year,

16. stumped three internists and a department chair from Harvard.

17. Fourteen-year-old girl, intermittent attacks.

18. Four-year-old boy, consistently at death's door.

19. This patient died five years ago.

20. Didn't say which side of the door he was on.

21. The fact that he's dead makes it more interesting.

22. Four-year-olds do not die of Berger's.

23. I thought it was relevant.

24. Death is a consequence, not a symptom,

25. and if it's not a symptom, it's not relevant.

26. Shouldn't we be trying to maximize what we can save here?

27. The 14-year-old, your freedom, our asses . . .

28. Right. Save your asses.

29. She was in a car accident when she was two.

30. She only had minor injuries but her father died.

31. That was 12 years ago. You think that's pertinent?

32. No, I think it's sad.

33. She got sick in the middle of her 14th birthday party.

34. Which is sad and pertinent.

35. Maybe she was opening a present that triggered the reaction.

36. Where's House? Pissing contest with Foreman.

37. Last thing she ate was strawberry cake

38. but allergy tests for everything were negative.

39. You like your dentist? I'm still going to my pediatric one.

40. What's your dentist's name?

41. Williams.

42. But what if it's not an allergic reaction?

43. Hereditary angioedema or systemic

44. mastocytosis could mimic anaphylaxis.

45. You're not sure of his name? You just saw him this morning.

46. The assistant's name is Angie, her home number is . . .

47. Normal complement studies, no skin lesions.

48. You had a manicure. This is fresh. You weren't at the dentist.

49. Why would you lie about that?

50. To avoid having this conversation.

51. Elevated BP. What about pheochromocytoma?

52. Or an anaphylactoid reaction, which could be triggered by certain opioids.

53. You've had your hair cut three times since I've met you.

54. You can't be embarrassed about a manicure.

55. There's got to be a deeper reason.

56. Did House give you homework?

57. She's not on any meds.

58. Haven't you heard? Everybody lies.

59. And the tox screen was clean.

60. Feel free to jump in at any time.

61. We'll check catecholamines for pheo

62. and run an expanded opioid panel.

63. You see what the patient says about

64. drug use when her mother's out of the room.

65. No. Never.

66. Nobody's here to bust you, lris,

67. we just need to know if . . . No. I already told you.

68. I just take vitamin C sometimes.

69. What exactly were you doing when you had your reaction?

70. Opening a birthday present. The Magic 8-Ball.

71. The joke gift, not the cocaine. Is that it?

72. Certain drugs could explain her reaction.

73. What kind of drugs?

74. What kind did you have in mind?

75. lris has always been a moody girl,

76. and now that she's a teenager, it's gotten worse.

77. So for the past few months, I've been giving something to relax her.

78. Diazepam. I tell her it's vitamin C.

79. Being normal is very important to lris.

80. She couldn't handle the thought of being on meds.

81. Anti-anxiety medications would explain it.

82. if we keep her off, she'll be moody but healthy.

83. Or it's something else.

84. Need to DDx a patient with you.

85. I thought you had a team for that.

86. According to Foreman, they're only

87. for DDxing people who are still alive.

88. You have a dead patient?

89. Bigotry is born when we add modifiers.

90. I don't see creed, color, pulse.

91. Foreman will find out you're taking this case and he'll bust you.

92. But you know that, which means . . .

93. You want to go back to jail

94. because it's the one place

95. you're unable to indulge your self-destructive habits.

96. Yeah. It's much more likely that I'm taking this case

97. because I miss showering with Cro-Magnons,

98. than I actually happen to find it interesting.

99. Four-year-old kid.

100. His kidneys died, they transfused, his lungs died, he died.

101. Have you seen Bride of the Monster?

102. I just got the Ed Wood box set.

103. What if the chicken was the egg?

104. What if the lung involvement came first?

105. I don't really care about the movie,

106. I just don't want to indulge your . . .

107. Lupus.

108. Because this is a bad idea, House.

109. if the kid had a rash or some circulation issue . . .

110. Damn!

111. Sorry. Just realized I'm late for my anger management class.

112. Traffic, for sure.

113. Taxes. Definitely taxes.

114. Spoiled grandchildren.

115. Platitudes.

116. Any others?

117. And I lose my temper when someone suggests

118. that a handful of pop-psych catchphrases

119. can control our most seminal, intractable

120. and natural reaction to a dead child.

121. Am I right, Emory?

122. I don't think Emory wants to share right now.

123. They blew it, didn't they? They missed your son's rash.

124. A faint one, on his cheek.

125. He didn't have a rash.

126. I think we should talk about Lena's grandchildren.

127. They're alive.

128. Was he sensitive to sunlight? No.

129. Greg. Cold fingers and toes?

130. No!

131. Wegener's granulomatosis. I need to examine your son.

132. You're a bit late for that, you ass.

133. With you and your wife's consent,

134. we could get an exhumation order.

135. Find out what killed him.

136. Ex-wife and you'll never get her consent.

137. She's moved on, new hub, new kid.

138. She wants nothing to do with Drew's death.

139. Or me.

140. You're angry because your kid died.

141. More than that, because you don't have an answer.

142. People need answers.

143. He's in a crypt at St. Jude's Cemetery.

144. You feeling any pain or cramp in here?

145. A bit.

146. But not just there. Um . . .

147. Here.

148. Breast tenderness. Have you been having regular periods, lris?

149. Not really.

150. What is it?

151. I think we should run a pregnancy test.

152. lris isn't sexually active. She doesn't even have a boyfriend.

153. Pregnancy would explain all of her symptoms,

154. can even cause some unpredictable allergic reactions.

155. How can I be pregnant if I've never even had sex?

156. We just need to draw a bit of blood.

157. What's the matter?

158. My arms.

159. I can't feel my arms.

160. At this rate, I'm gonna need to pick out a plot for myself.

161. Thanks to your generous donation, you have all morning.

162. More like 13 minutes.

163. Before we proceed any further, Doctor, I'd like to inquire

164. as to exactly what procedure you intend to perform on the remains.

165. You ever heard of the North American Man Dead Boy Love Association?

166. I consider these grounds to be a holy place

167. and I would ask you to observe them with due decorum.

168. So you're taking bribes to plunder graves and I need to show respect.

169. I think they got the cause of death wrong

170. and if I find a hole in the cartilage of his nose, right about here,

171. then it means I'm right.

172. Please be respectful.

173. I have prepared the sarcophagus for you.

174. Thank you, lgor.

175. It's Milton.

176. You owe me a new pair of pants.

177. She is pregnant. Test came back positive.

178. So she lost the use of her arms and her innocence.

179. A vengeful god or . . .

180. Cerebral tumor.

181. Vasculitis.

182. MS.

183. I gather from the silence that Chase isn't there.

184. No, I'm here. Where are you?

185. "Nowhere," he said cryptically.

186. I assume you concur with the diagnosis.

187. Absolutely.

188. Even though there are three diagnoses.

189. And MS and vasculitis usually get better with pregnancy.

190. Yeah. I was saying I agreed with the other one.

191. He's had his eyebrows waxed.

192. I met a woman who likes her men well-groomed.

193. All over?

194. I assume from the silence that Chase has had a Brazilian.

195. Cool. Interesting.

196. Ouch.

197. The question is, is this really about a woman,

198. or is it about something more profound?

199. Another question is, could the paraesthesia be caused by an STD?

200. HlV-related mononeuritis multiplex.

201. I gather from the silence that either you all agree with Chase

202. or you're just staring at his emasculated brow.

203. In either case, test for HlV and do an MRl to rule out tumors.

204. And check Chase for testosterone.

205. Bloodwork was negative for HlV. All the money's on tumor.

206. How was the Brazilian?

207. It was fine. Hurt a bit.

208. What about House's theory? Why'd you really do it?

209. Because I'm vain and shallow. And you weren't before?

210. The girl I was seeing wasn't. There's nothing profound here.

211. No tumor either. It's not her brain.

212. Everything looks good.

213. What's the matter? My arms.

214. Still nothing? No. Now they're sore.

215. The paraesthesia's gone.

216. Could the bruising be caused by physical trauma?

217. You think she fell out of bed repeatedly?

218. A blood disorder, maybe thrombocytopenia?

219. A vitamin K deficiency or scurvy

220. could explain bleeding problems

221. and pregnancy could exacerbate it.

222. Boys, do a home search, girls, do the lab tests.

223. I'm pretty sure that's not sexist.

224. Where've you been?

225. Picking up dry cleaning, filling up the tank, violating the dead.

226. if you don't believe me, call the monitoring company.

227. I did.

228. Unfortunately, the Patuxent River

229. Naval Air Station was GPS testing

230. and disrupted the signal

231. at the exact same 45 minutes you weren't here.

232. if I'd known I had 45 minutes of freedom,

233. I would have gone hang-gliding.

234. I admire the creativity.

235. But what happens when the stunt doesn't work?

236. You think you're gonna have to pay off a bet?

237. You think I'm gonna triple your clinic hours?

238. I'm gonna call your PO and you're gonna go back to jail.

239. There are Mees lines on his fingernails,

240. so now I'm thinking heavy metal poisoning.

241. You're an addict. And I'm an idiot

242. for thinking that your addictions were limited

243. to pills, anti-social behavior and sarcasm.

244. (BURPS) Sorry. Vicodin repeating on me.

245. You're also addicted to puzzles.

246. You show all the classic behaviors,

247. lying, neglecting responsibilities,

248. and you can't stop no matter how devastating the consequences.

249. Working on a medical case is not

250. a parole violation, it's my job description.

251. Your job description is doing what Foreman tells you to do.

252. Never mind Bride of the Monster, you need to watch Norma Rae.

253. Before we get started, I just want to

254. thank you all for agreeing to relocate.

255. I had an appointment in this part of town

256. and I obviously didn't want to miss this meeting.

257. But thank you. I'm buying.

258. Not literally.

259. Hey, Emory, shall we powder our noses?

260. Hey, did you know your ex-wife still lives right behind this place?

261. She finishes work at 4:00, picks up her new kid at 4: 1 5.

262. Gives us about 20 minutes.

263. I made some calls.

264. It's amazing what people will tell you if you ask rudely enough.

265. Was that table here?

266. Some kinds of pressure-treated wood can contain arsenic.

267. We shouldn't be here.

268. We don't have a choice.

269. This is the only way I'm gonna get your answer.

270. Does your ex leave a spare key anywhere?

271. How did he look?

272. Peaceful.

273. Vitamin K deficiency's a bust.

274. Fridge has more spinach and broccoli than a farmers' market.

275. The Brazilian, you said it hurt a bit.

276. You've had one? More than one. And you haven't.

277. They hurt all your bits.

278. That's my dark secret. What's yours?

279. I had the nails and eyebrows done but that's it.

280. I just needed to create a distraction.

281. I met a TV producer at a dinner,

282. she asked me to appear on their medical segment.

283. I screen tested it yesterday and shot it today.

284. You're a TV doctor?

285. It's a one-off. When did it air?

286. Two hours ago, otherwise I'd still be lying.

287. This is what she was opening when she had her attack.

288. Will anyone believe Chase is an actual doctor?

289. "Don't count on it."

290. She does have a boyfriend.

291. Love letters.

292. Porn? The nasty kind.

293. Torture, rape, animals.

294. Sweet kid.

295. This is all that's left.

296. One box in the bottom of a closet.

297. He used to wear those stupid things all the time.

298. I used to have to pretend I was scared.

299. Made in the People's Republic of Lead Paint.

300. Back door.

301. Let's get out of here first. Need to catch the end of our class.

302. I met him at school.

303. He was the only boy that liked me.

304. It's a little more than like.

305. We haven't had sex.

306. Oh, come on, lris, you're pregnant.

307. So I'm just lying about everything?

308. Well, you lied about the boyfriend,

309. you obviously lied about sex and this garbage.

310. They're his. He can't keep them at his place.

311. Well, I'm glad we could be so accommodating.

312. What else don't I know?

313. Honey.

314. What is it?

315. He came here last night, and he told me I should leave.

316. But I didn't want to and he got mad.

317. He hit you? Physical trauma.

318. Explains the negatives for the blood disorders.

319. We should call the police.

320. I won't tell them anything.

321. That's ridiculous, he beat you.

322. What is it?

323. It's getting hard to see.

324. What the hell is happening to me?

325. Rubbing alcohol, vinegar . . .

326. Not sure what this is.

327. Aren't there actual medical tests?

328. Dead patients usually get a lower standard of care.

329. Pink means lead, orange means mercury and rust means arsenic.

330. What's brown mean?

331. Scotch.

332. He used to call him Deezer.

333. He couldn't say "zebra."

334. Made up his own words for everything. We called them Drewisms.

335. How does your ex-wife do it?

336. How come she's not angry and miserable?

337. She treated it like it never happened.

338. She never even cried.

339. Not even at his funeral.

340. I was a mess and she just sat there like

341. a statue.

342. We have a problem.

343. Does it limp?

344. Why do you care if he works on two cases?

345. Because next it'll be three cases, then four,

346. then animal cases and ghost cases, then animal-ghost cases.

347. Assuming, of course, we are talking about House.

348. You're just setting yourself up to fail.

349. He has a lot more to lose than I do. And he knows that.

350. He's rational.

351. No, he's not.

352. He's the most rational man I've ever met. Annoyingly so.

353. He's not gonna put himself back in jail over a dead kid.

354. He's an addict.

355. And he will put himself back in jail over a puzzle.

356. He'll back down.

357. Halfway through the perimetry exam, her tunnel vision went away.

358. She could see perfectly. TlA.

359. The word "transient" is right there in the name.

360. Ah. Here we go.

361. Shazza, after giving the pics an eye or two,

362. I can confirm that Lauren's surgeries cost her some big bikkies.

363. Not only was there a gut tuck, nose tuck, and arse tuck,

364. but her new fake norks stick out like nuts on a mutt.

365. The original script wasn't . . .

366. (SHUSHlNG) (ON TV) Anyone notice Brad's

367. cossie fitting a little bit snugger? He's enlightening us.

368. (ON TV) That's 'cause he's retooled the ol' todger.

369. Let's just hope no one cut the wrong wire, eh? (CHUCKLlNG)

370. So you just wanted to look pretty on TV?

371. Question is, why did he want that?

372. Clinic time.

373. What do you want us to do?

374. MRA for TlA.

375. ROFL.

376. Thought you only had clinic on Tuesdays.

377. Oh, you're right.

378. Hi. I'm here for the free flu shot. I got a call saying . . .

379. And I'm here to find out why you didn't care about your first kid.

380. Losing a child, you just breezed right through it.

381. What do you know about my first kid?

382. Couldn't even squeeze out a single tear at the funeral.

383. Where are you getting this? Couldn't wait to squeeze out

384. a brand new replacement kid.

385. Damn it.

386. You had no right to say that.

387. I know. I deserved the slap.

388. But I was hoping that you weren't capable of it.

389. Apathetic hyperthyroidism.

390. Could have kidney involvement, could be genetic, definitely causes apathy.

391. I was hoping that your lack of emotion

392. was a symptom of something you could've passed on to your first son.

393. You know Emory.

394. We belong to the same club.

395. He wants to relive this, I don't.

396. So I heard.

397. Emory was a wonderful man.

398. Never afraid to show his emotions.

399. Which is great most of the time but when Drew died,

400. it overwhelmed him.

401. I vowed I wouldn't let that happen to me.

402. That's why you left him?

403. I left because of his eyes.

404. He had Drew's eyes.

405. Who used to babysit Drew?

406. My father, but . . . His place or yours?

407. There are two types of people.

408. Those who can move on and those who can't.

409. My father keeps up a good front but he's just like Emory.

410. You need to leave him alone.

411. So he has two types of people inside of him.

412. MRl was normal.

413. Yeah . . .

414. I found out where your boyfriend lives.

415. When I paid him a visit, he took off,

416. ran in front of a car.

417. You're lying.

418. He's down in the ER right now.

419. Shut up, you lying sack of crap!

420. lris.

421. How do you know I'm lying?

422. How do you know that your boyfriend is okay?

423. 'Cause I'm right here, you dick.

424. lris has dissociative identity disorder

425. also known as multiple personality disorder.

426. Are you saying I'm crazy?

427. It's the mind's response to a severe trauma.

428. The person experiences something

429. that's too difficult to accept,

430. so they create alternate personalities that don't have to accept it.

431. Some think it's quite a natural reaction.

432. lris hasn't had any severe traumas.

433. The car accident.

434. I was two.

435. I don't remember anything.

436. These personalities that I'm supposed to have, where are they?

437. They only come out when you're afraid or anxious.

438. That's why House used the hurt-boyfriend story.

439. But if there's no boyfriend, where did the bruises come from?

440. The pregnancy?

441. When you say your boyfriend hit you,

442. it means you actually hit yourself.

443. And the pregnancy doesn't take a boyfriend, just a boy.

444. You may not be aware of half the things you've done.

445. How could this be happening to my own daughter without me knowing it?

446. Diazepam was masking it. Taking her off made it more apparent.

447. But l . . . I wasn't on . . . Diazepam? What is that?

448. That's what those vitamin pills were.

449. lris, I'm so sorry.

450. I just thought you were moody.

451. I didn't want you to think you needed medication.

452. Oh, my God, I can't believe how stupid I've been.

453. We need you to help us with something.

454. Different alters can have different apparent symptoms,

455. allergies, paraesthesia, vision loss, changes in blood pressure.

456. Do you think I'm making this up?

457. Your symptoms are real,

458. but some are physiological and others are psychological.

459. So there's something wrong with her

460. in addition to the multiple personalities?

461. Yes, but we won't know what until we access her alters

462. and compare their symptoms.

463. How do you do that?

464. Hypnosis.

465. Foreman's not gonna back down.

466. He's not an idiot. Yes, he is.

467. Just like you. if you keep being stubborn, he will keep being stubborn.

468. Eventually you will screw something up,

469. which will be bad news for both of you

470. but only one of you will be in prison.

471. It just isn't worth it, House.

472. Okay.

473. Uh . . . Yes, sir. Yes, I know I told you

474. that I had a chiropractor's appointment,

475. but I got a flat.

476. I know, right?

477. So, don't send out the Marines.

478. I should be back on the road in a few minutes.

479. Okay, bye.

480. Dr. James Wilson, county coroner.

481. I'd like to ask you about your grandson, Drew Lemaine.

482. What did he do when he was here?

483. Where did he play? What did he eat?

484. We watched a lot of TV. And ate biscuits.

485. Did you give him sidewalk chalk? No.

486. Fingerpaints? No.

487. A sandbox?

488. Like I said, we watched a lot of TV.

489. You expecting someone?

490. What?

491. Dr. Wilson, my ass.

492. I told you to leave him alone, you son of a bitch!

493. Temper trigger!

494. Who am I talking to now?

495. Nobody.

496. You must be somebody.

497. I'm too little.

498. Nobody sees me.

499. Nobody knows I'm here.

500. BP just went to 140 over 90.

501. What is it?

502. My arms.

503. You can't feel them?

504. It's okay, we can fix that.

505. Do you hurt anywhere else?

506. Not right now.

507. But you used to hurt?

508. When I eat strawberries.

509. And when I remember . . .

510. You remember being hurt?

511. I remember everything.

512. Baby . . .

513. It's going to be okay.

514. lris, why didn't you ever tell me?

515. It was my fault Daddy died.

516. Oh, no.

517. Yes, it was. I was crying and he couldn't drive.

518. It was my fault Daddy died.

519. Oh, no. No, no, honey.

520. You were just a baby. It wasn't your fault. No . . .

521. It was my fault. I'm sorry, Mommy.

522. Poor baby.

523. I'm so sorry.

524. It wasn't a miscarriage. Tests show she's still pregnant.

525. Okay, cross out everything that doesn't appear in every alter.

526. When she opened the Magic 8-Ball,

527. it triggered a switch to a personality with a strawberry allergy.

528. Pregnancy, vaginal bleeding and elevated BP.

529. Could be a preeclampsia.

530. Worst case, could be an ectopic pregnancy.

531. We need to ultrasound.

532. Not seeing an embryo in the fallopian tube.

533. Not seeing an embryo anywhere.

534. Which idiot did the pregnancy test?

535. I did one of them. Chase did another, Taub did a third.

536. Three tests, three positives.

537. What happened to your eye?

538. I grabbed Park's ass.

539. Exoplanets.

540. I think he said exoplanets. Wait for it.

541. We can't actually see them, but we infer their existence

542. because of the effect they have on the star they orbit.

543. Pregnancy test only infers an embryo's existence

544. because of elevated hCG levels.

545. Which could also be caused by choriocarcinoma,

546. which affects the placenta, mimics pregnancy,

547. and causes elevated BP and vaginal bleeding.

548. Occult choriocarcinoma, which is why

549. we didn't see it on the ultrasound.

550. Tell all the alters that they have cancer.

551. Mom or dad?

552. Mom, dad and mom's dad.

553. The good news is it made me realize that you were right.

554. I can't drop it.

555. But now that I accept that, I feel much less conflicted.

556. I've ruled out Wegener's, Berger's, heavy-metal poisoning . . .

557. Two trains are about to collide

558. and I'm trying to talk them out of it.

559. I still think I'm missing something.

560. No, no. You don't want to listen to me,

561. then I don't want to listen to you.

562. That is so fifth grade.

563. I agree. And you know why?

564. Because I'm just as bad as you.

565. I knew this would fall on deaf ears

566. but I just kept talking and talking.

567. You're right.

568. You don't even know what I just said.

569. That is ridiculous.

570. You said, "Blah, blah, blah, deaf ears, blah, blah, blah."

571. Absolutely essential information.

572. Ray! Ray!

573. Leave him alone! What are you doing to him?

574. It's okay.

575. Mickey.

576. You? You brought him?

577. I asked him to meet me here for a family reunion.

578. Ray!

579. Let's just get out of here, okay?

580. I know what killed your son.

581. You don't get it, do you? I don't care what killed him!

582. It's called Alport syndrome.

583. It's a genetic condition characterized by kidney failure,

584. bronchial myomas, Mees lines and deafness.

585. Idiot, Drew wasn't deaf.

586. Son of a bitch! Get away from them!

587. House. House!

588. It's a genetic condition.

589. Shut up! Genetic.

590. Your father has the gene and so do you.

591. It was Grandpa's slight deafness that gave the game away.

592. You're apparently asymptomatic,

593. but you still passed the gene on to your children.

594. Plural.

595. You're lying.

596. He has high frequency hearing impairment and so did Drew.

597. That's why Drew made up his own words,

598. 'cause he couldn't hear properly.

599. It's okay. Now that we know what it is,

600. he'll need treatment but he'll live.

601. You know, there are platitudes that can help you with that.

602. I miss him, too.

603. She's responding well.

604. Cuddy threatened him with clinic duty.

605. I thought threatening him with jail would be different.

606. Not an irrational thought.

607. I'm still sending him back.

608. He saved two lives.

609. Which means it's too late for me to back down.

610. It's no longer my choice.

611. It's just me telling him he can get away with anything.

612. I have to send him to prison.

613. Your job is to keep this machine running.

614. It's your choice to make House a useful tool or a monkey wrench.

615. Cuddy's way didn't fail.

616. Because she didn't try to control House, she managed him.

617. And she knew better than anybody what a tool he could be.

618. What would Cuddy have done?

619. Ten clinic hours.

620. Cuddy's not here anymore.

621. You've got 30.