House 7x6

1. This election day,

2. the fate of our borders is in your hands.

3. John Moreno wants to invite illegal immigrants into our country.

4. He wants to give them our jobs.

5. He wants to give them our healthcare.

6. John Moreno wants to give them the American dream

7. and he wants you to pay for it.

8. "Whose side is he really on?"

9. It's a valid question.

10. He favors easing restrictions.

11. So do I.

12. Come on, Hal, your position on work visas is irrelevant.

13. He's talking about a path to citizenship.

14. I'm telling you. This ad wins you the election.

15. By insulting one of my core constituencies?

16. Come on, in '04, I had 45% of the Latino vote.

17. And this year, you're running against a guy named Moreno.

18. This isn't one of your races in South Carolina or Oklahoma, Joe.

19. This is New Jersey. People vote for me because I'm a moderate.

20. Well, that's great.

21. You can be the most moderate ex-senator in the country.

22. Hal, the election is seven days away

23. and even our own internals show you down six points.

24. We've always been the underdog

25. and we've always found a way to win.

26. I know, because you have always let me do what's needed to be done.

27. Now, I can have this on the air tomorrow.

28. No, no.

29. Come on, Hal, let me do this.

30. No, absolutely not. This could totally galvanize the left.

31. You all right, Joe?

32. Yeah, I think I got some kind of a rash.

33. What the hell?

34. That's not a rash.

35. Maybe I should call a doctor.

36. Better call an ambulance.

37. Look at it like this,

38. of all the ways to rupture it,

39. nothing honors the real Achilles more

40. than blowing the dismount on a keg stand.

41. What's that smell?

42. Onions? Peppers?

43. Oh, I know. It's a sausage-fest.

44. Sausage-fest implies multiples.

45. Now if you're talking yardage, I'd have to agree.

46. I'm talking about your department.

47. You still haven't replaced Thirteen.

48. It's coming along.

49. You've had plenty of time to find someone.

50. I've found plenty of someones, just haven't kept them.

51. It's time to end the cycle.

52. Meet your new team member.

53. Her name is Martha M. Masters.

54. This doctor is not a doctor.

55. She's a third-year med student.

56. She graduated high school when she was 15.

57. She filled out the time before med school

58. getting PhDs in both applied math and art history.

59. Should be incredibly useful if my next patient is an Escher drawing.

60. Those things are seriously screwed up.

61. This isn't a suggestion.

62. Just because my sausage has been filling your bun

63. doesn't mean you get to decide

64. what flavor chips I nosh on during the day.

65. No. I get to do that because I'm your boss.

66. Patient is Joe Dugan, 42, political consultant.

67. Presents with palpable purpura

68. and ALT and AST are through the roof.

69. Otherwise known as rash and liver damage. Fascinating.

70. Senator Anderson sent this case to us

71. and personally requested we take a look.

72. That's reason enough for me.

73. Black guy campaigning for the opposition?

74. Does Obama know about this?

75. I tried calling him on the Brother Hotline. He didn't pick up.

76. Martha M. Masters?

77. I'm Dr. House. This is the rest of the team,

78. Boring, Bimbo and Bite-Size.

79. Martha enjoys quadratic equations, Italian frescos,

80. and her turn-ons include "learning to be a doctor."

81. Take a seat.

82. She's a med student?

83. Cuddy thinks she's some kind of genius.

84. Say something brilliant.

85. Oh, I don't...

86. - Capital of Azerbaijan. - Baku.

87. - Year Beethoven died. - 1827.

88. Twentieth decimal of Euler's number.

89. Six.

90. It's my favorite constant.

91. She's like the Internet with breasts.

92. No, wait, the Internet has breasts.

93. Our patient's liver damage explains the rash

94. and cryoglobulins we found in his blood,

95. but we can't explain the liver damage.

96. He shows no other signs of drug or alcohol abuse...

97. Now all you've got to do is figure out

98. which one is Bimbo and which one is Bite-Size.

99. Also which monster truck won the 2004 Thunder Nationals?

100. Hep C makes sense.

101. Test came back negative, same for Hep A and B.

102. The answer we were looking for is Virginia Giant.

103. Feel free to chime in on either conversation.

104. Hate to steal the spotlight from Small Wonder over here,

105. but what about toxic exposure?

106. Tetrachloroethylene.

107. Could even be pennyroyal or sassafrass oil.

108. Go to his house, get me some chemicals.

109. If you wanna stay on this team,

110. have an opinion.

111. Oh, cool.

112. Tudor revival architecture.

113. Steeply pitched asymmetrical roof over the entrance.

114. But it doesn't have the half-timbering over the facade.

115. Doesn't say anything about medicine.

116. Can't shut up about architecture. Great.

117. I know. I don't know what happened.

118. Being around House... He's such a legend, he's so intimidating.

119. I'm not like that around ordinary people.

120. Oh, not that you guys are ordinary.

121. It's just that he's so brilliant

122. and you work under him, so you're not as imposing...

123. I'm gonna be quiet. Good idea.

124. Dugan didn't give you a key?

125. If patients know we're coming,

126. they can hide something relevant to their illness,

127. intentionally or unintentionally.

128. Their knowledge changes things.

129. Are you a vampire?

130. It's okay. We're inviting you in.

131. But our patient didn't.

132. I can't do this. I'm sorry.

133. Well, she's gonna be a big help.

134. Yeah, what a rube, being uncomfortable

135. breaking into a stranger's house.

136. It's part of our job description.

137. Not the most morally ambiguous part.

138. Give her a chance. She's fresh, enthusiastic,

139. has no bad habits we need to re-teach.

140. She's a med student with no practical experience.

141. That means every procedure, every blood draw,

142. she needs one of us there to supervise.

143. Is this attitude about her not having an M.D. after her name?

144. Because I wonder if it has more to do with her being a brainiac.

145. That's not it at all.

146. I'm not thrilled someone else might be

147. the smartest person on the team now.

148. I can only imagine how you feel.

149. You're not smarter than me. Oh, yeah?

150. You find this?

151. A jug of unpasteurized cider.

152. Could be tainted with E coli.

153. That's what's causing the liver to shut down.

154. E coli is found in animals.

155. So unless he's drinking pork cider...

156. Pork cider.

157. I need the number of the patent office.

158. There are indirect ways of contracting E coli.

159. Masters refused to go on the search with us.

160. Interesting.

161. Which raises the question,

162. what is your problem with her?

163. He is intimidated by her intelligence.

164. Why would that bother Taub?

165. He's been working with people smarter than him for a long time.

166. I think perky new girl makes him feel old.

167. She's basically the same age as Thirteen.

168. She's a student, makes you contemplate your med school days,

169. back when you had hair, muscle tone

170. and no need for a regular prostate exam.

171. Makes sense.

172. Just like E coli.

173. Orchards make cider out of apples they can't sell otherwise.

174. Like if they've fallen onto the ground...

175. Like into some cow feces.

176. Which would mean our esteemed patient is literally full of BS.

177. Cool.

178. Go get the ingénue and start the patient

179. on Aztreonam and plasmapheresis.

180. He said to start the patient on...

181. The cell-sorter separates the plasma

182. from the remaining cellular components,

183. thereby removing...

184. The toxins, antibodies, cryoglobulins.

185. I think we should tell our patient about breaking into his house.

186. Why would we do that?

187. Because the reason not to tell him

188. was that he might hide something,

189. now that rationale is moot.

190. The rationale now is no upside, big downside.

191. How can we ask our patients to trust us

192. if we're not honest with them?

193. How can we ask the patient to trust us

194. after we tell him he can't trust us?

195. Fine. Tell him.

196. Clear your conscience because that's what's important.

197. Well, if you had let me run that ad,

198. everybody would be talking about immigration instead.

199. All right, look, here's what we're gonna say.

200. "Yeah, he was in Iraq and we're all grateful for his sacrifice.

201. "You chose to honor your country through

202. "public service and have voted 46 times

203. "to expand the Pentagon's budget for programs

204. "which, by the way, Moreno wants to cut."

205. All right. I'll draft it up and send it over.

206. You should probably slow down

207. until you're out of the hospital.

208. It's a busy week.

209. Aren't you curious how we came up with this diagnosis?

210. You're doctors. Isn't that your job?

211. But how we knew you were drinking apple cider.

212. You had to have found that at my house,

213. so I guess you guys broke in there.

214. It doesn't bother you?

215. Medicine is like politics.

216. At the end of the day, all that matters is results.

217. That's not true.

218. Respect matters.

219. Honesty and integrity matter...

220. Have you ever thought about running for public office?

221. Because I would love to have someone like you as an opponent.

222. Watch the replacement fluid line.

223. Oh, right, sorry.

224. You ever wonder why American voter turnout rates

225. are among the lowest in the developed world?

226. Mr. Dugan?

227. Mr. Dugan?

228. What's wrong? Can you hear me?

229. He's paralyzed. Call Foreman and Chase. Get them down here.

230. Mr. Dugan?

231. We think it's a transient ischemic attack.

232. The clot must have broken up before we could find it.

233. He's temporarily paralyzed, but he's regaining mobility and speech.

234. So what causes rash, liver failure, clots

235. and the uncontrollable urge to rat out your co-workers?

236. Oh, no, wait, that last one was you, not the patient.

237. I wasn't trying to rat.

238. I was clearly trying to honor my ethical obligation.

239. Portal vein thrombosis could be caused by Wilson's disease.

240. Hooray!

241. You popped your cherry,

242. diagnostically speaking.

243. Unfortunately, first time always sucks.

244. Pitch doesn't make any sense,

245. Dugan's cornea was normal.

246. You're obviously brilliant.

247. Why would you hide your mind?

248. I was brainstorming.

249. I'm not talking about your stupid ideas about the patient.

250. I mean your stupid ideas about morality.

251. My stupid ideas are what most doctors

252. consider the rules for professional conduct.

253. What about a neuro-endocrine tumor?

254. Not without diminished mental capacity, loss of judgment.

255. Disseminated intravascular coagulation, however, fits.

256. Rules are just helpful guidelines

257. for stupid people who can't make up their own mind.

258. You obviously don't fit into that category, so why put yourself there?

259. Masters is right

260. about a neuro-endocrine tumor.

261. Because, yes, Dugan has had a loss of judgment.

262. He made this totally inflammatory

263. anti-immigration campaign commercial for Anderson.

264. It just got leaked online.

265. You're arguing Dugan's politics

266. are a sign that he's mentally compromised?

267. No, his tactics. He's most likely the one who leaked it

268. and all the commentators are saying Anderson will catch a major backlash.

269. And honesty is a great idea

270. until your patient asks if her distended abdomen makes her look fat.

271. House, I hate to interrupt your ethics debate,

272. but we have two solid ideas on the table.

273. CT from his neck to his abdomen for neuro-endocrine tumors.

274. And run a D-dimer and fibrinogen for DIC.

275. Masters,

276. if lying to a patient would save their life, would you do it?

277. No.

278. That's a lie.

279. If your grandma gave you a really crappy tea cozy for Christmas,

280. would you tell her you liked it?

281. Yes, but that's different.

282. So you lie when it doesn't matter, but you won't when it does.

283. How'd you get so screwed up?

284. How mad would you be if I fired Masters?

285. Very.

286. Unless you had cause. Real cause.

287. Cause that a human being would consider cause.

288. Never mind, then.

289. She's got principles.

290. She's like the love child of Einstein and Mary Poppins.

291. Didn't even get Einstein's hair.

292. It's worth having someone on the team

293. who doesn't see the world entirely as shades of gray.

294. It is gray. To you.

295. She has a fresh perspective.

296. Unless that threatens you.

297. It does not...

298. You thought I'd get defensive, keep her out of pride?

299. Girl can hope.

300. House,

301. I gave this a lot of thought.

302. She deserves a chance.

303. A real chance.

304. House is gonna fire me.

305. No, he isn't.

306. Because you told him not to?

307. Butting heads with House is par for the course.

308. House has strong beliefs,

309. and he respects other people with strong beliefs.

310. It's not my beliefs that are the problem.

311. It's my personality.

312. I'm not good at working with other people.

313. You've been in there for less than a day.

314. I wasn't looking for encouragement, it's a fact.

315. Growing up, my whole life, really,

316. I spent a lot of time by myself.

317. No one in high school wants to hang out with a kid

318. that's three years younger than them.

319. And studying Anosov diffeomorphisms,

320. determining whether an unattributed landscape is a Blakelock or a Ryder...

321. I'm actually boring you right now.

322. And yet, you chose medicine, which is a team activity.

323. Pretty gutsy, stepping so far outside your comfort zone.

324. I'm not trying to prove anything.

325. I just wanted to be a doctor.

326. It was stupid.

327. Nobody can do everything.

328. I was vain to think I could be the exception.

329. House doesn't care if you're a team player, or how ethical you are,

330. or how high your IQ is.

331. It's all about the cases.

332. You help him crack this one,

333. you two are gonna get along just fine.

334. We gotta give Masters some pointers.

335. Help her figure out how to deal with House.

336. Why would I do that?

337. The entertainment factor is off the charts.

338. It's like watching a bunny hopping into a buzzsaw, repeatedly.

339. And if we don't help her, she's out of here.

340. No, something else is stopping House from firing her.

341. I'm guessing it's his desire to keep having sex with Cuddy.

342. You guys ready to admit you were wrong yet?

343. Excuse me?

344. This tumor you're looking for, you're not gonna find it.

345. My judgment is completely sound.

346. So when you leaked that ad,

347. you were trying to torpedo the Senator's campaign?

348. All right. One, I told you before, I didn't leak that spot.

349. Uh-huh.

350. And two,

351. whoever did leak that ad had nothing wrong with their mind either.

352. It's gonna save Anderson.

353. That commercial, everyone sees through it.

354. You're just trying to play to people's fears.

355. You say fears, I say rational, protective instincts.

356. And judging by your accent,

357. immigration probably isn't an issue

358. you can be real impartial about.

359. I waited five years to get my green card.

360. If there's anyone who would resent someone

361. trying to skip the queue, it'd be me.

362. But just because Moreno favors amnesty...

363. He doesn't.

364. You know that picture of him with the Mexican flag,

365. seems to be from a pro-amnesty rally?

366. That's from an Amnesty International speech

367. protesting the imprisonment of priests in Oaxaca.

368. Yes, you did just prove that that ad

369. is even more disgusting than you thought.

370. You also proved that ad is effective.

371. You still think my judgment is off?

372. Not anymore.

373. There's no sign of a tumor.

374. That leaves DIC.

375. I'll go check how Taub is doing with the blood work.

376. I guess when you get on in years,

377. it takes a little longer to run a few simple blood tests.

378. This whole "Taub's an old man" thing, kind of rings hollow

379. considering I'm in better shape than you are. Pass the dye.

380. You're in rounder shape than me.

381. Tonight after work, meet at the basketball courts in the gym.

382. You do realize you're two and a half feet tall, right?

383. And white. And Jewish.

384. It'd be very embarrassing.

385. I get why you'd want to say no.

386. Tonight, after work.

387. Crap.

388. You hear Moreno's latest stump speech?

389. He's gonna clean up Washington.

390. Yeah, right. Like any politician

391. from New Jersey has ever cleaned up.

392. Who else knows that you leaked that ad?

393. You and I had the only two copies, Hal.

394. I don't care that you did it,

395. I just want to make sure it worked.

396. This morning's tracking has me within two points.

397. I told you.

398. We're gonna pull this thing off.

399. Your blood test for DIC came back completely normal.

400. That's good news, right?

401. It means the two things we thought it could be, it's not.

402. We checked your home for toxins and didn't find any,

403. but it's possible you might have been exposed on the campaign.

404. Have you visited any industrial or agricultural facilities?

405. There was a tomato farm in Lumberton.

406. Did they take you into the fields?

407. No one wants a photo op with me. I never leave the bus.

408. Were the windows open? Certain pesticides...

409. Foreman?

410. What? What is it?

411. It's not just your liver we have to worry about.

412. It looks like your kidneys are having problems, too.

413. So this guy spends his entire life

414. campaigning against bleeding hearts.

415. Turns out, he has one.

416. Bloody urine actually is a renal problem, not a cardiac one.

417. Yeah. If I say something inaccurate,

418. assume it's for comic effect.

419. Then laugh, because it's funny.

420. TTP makes sense. Where are his platelets?

421. Two hundred thousand. It's not TTP.

422. What about Henoch-Schönlein purpura?

423. HSP doesn't cause clots.

424. HSP doesn't usually cause clots, but it can.

425. And the vasculitis would explain the kidney problem.

426. She can't diagnose a joke,

427. but she's making progress on the patient.

428. We treat with chemotherapy or steroids.

429. We treat with chemotherapy.

430. I said chemo.

431. And then you said "or."

432. Once again, the bunny meets the blade.

433. The road to dead patients is paved with "or's."

434. Chemo is the more effective treatment,

435. which means it will confirm our diagnosis more quickly...

436. I agree, but there is another option.

437. There are lots of other options.

438. There's bloodletting, crystals, prayer...

439. Another medically accepted option.

440. Which is both less effective and less scary.

441. So the patient might just choose it.

442. Unless, of course, we don't mention it to him.

443. We can't withhold information.

444. If we explain both the benefits and the risks of each treatment,

445. I'm sure Dugan will choose chemo.

446. Well, as long as you're sure.

447. The better option is chemotherapy.

448. It's faster and more likely to completely cure you.

449. I'll take the steroids.

450. Oh, my goodness.

451. If only someone could have predicted

452. that you'd make that incredibly stupid decision.

453. The nausea and fatigue from chemo

454. will only last a few weeks.

455. Our poll numbers have stalled,

456. that's five days till the election.

457. Doctor, can you talk some sense into him?

458. Would that I could, but ethics dictate that it's his decision.

459. So all I can do now is return to my office,

460. knowing that even as my patient endangers himself,

461. my integrity remains unblemished.

462. Please, take some time to think about this.

463. I don't need any time. I want to start on the steroids.

464. Game to eleven by ones.

465. Hold on.

466. Wanna shoot for outs?

467. You can have it.

468. One, nothing.

469. You're gonna guard me?

470. You can't hit two in a row.

471. Two, nothing. You're gonna guard me now?

472. You can have that shot all day.

473. Three, nothing.

474. 1-3.

475. 10-7.

476. Seriously?

477. You're gonna beat me with that?

478. I was wrong.

479. You're not so old.

480. Thank you.

481. Now all we have to do is figure out

482. why Masters is making you feel insecure.

483. I was just down by Dugan's room.

484. They were gonna give him the wrong medicine.

485. I tried to change the order, but I'm not a doctor.

486. Good.

487. The wrong medicine is the right medicine.

488. But he wanted steroids, not chemo.

489. He wants to live.

490. I'm gonna tell him what's going on.

491. No, you're not.

492. I don't mind your morality, in theory.

493. But, in practice, you're risking my patient's life.

494. So you're fired.

495. You think that's gonna stop me from telling him?

496. If you do, I'll get you thrown out of medical school.

497. I haven't done anything that would merit that.

498. I know, but unlike you, I'm willing to lie.

499. Firing her was a mistake.

500. We need someone like her on the team, keeping us all in check.

501. You're incapable of noticing when I do something inappropriate?

502. We're like the frogs who've been in the pot for a while,

503. we're used to the heat.

504. Things have been just fine without Pippi Long-Division.

505. Your opponent's out of the race.

506. You can drop the smear campaign.

507. Dugan's developed pulmonary edema, it's not HSP.

508. Masters was right.

509. He didn't want the chemo, he didn't need the chemo.

510. Masters was wrong, he doesn't have HSP.

511. And Masters is gone.

512. Could be an infection.

513. We had him on Aztreonam for the E coli, he didn't respond.

514. Schistosomiasis wouldn't respond to Aztreonam.

515. That's a great idea,

516. if he was running a political campaign in Africa.

517. Guy hasn't been out of the country in years.

518. Who needs to travel when you've got a giant fish tank,

519. loaded with tropical fish, tropical snails

520. carrying tropical bacteria,

521. like schistomiasis.

522. Go break into his home, get me some escargot.

523. Unless you want to ask the patient's permission,

524. as a tribute to the departed.

525. Need a minute.

526. You said you were gonna give her a chance.

527. I did. She used that opportunity

528. to endanger our patient's life.

529. By insisting he receive the treatment that he asked for.

530. That's what I just said.

531. Your team is there to challenge you.

532. I didn't fire her because she's a challenge,

533. I fired her because she is an immutable obstacle.

534. You gonna make me hire her? How do you think that'll work out?

535. How do you think that'll work out?

536. He's right. I'll just...

537. You will not quit this job.

538. What is going on?

539. I want her gone, she wants to be gone. Why do you care?

540. You don't actually think she's a younger version of you?

541. Because let me tell you, you're not that smart, or moral.

542. Socially awkward, maybe.

543. She's a potential star and I want her in my hospital.

544. No problem. Just find her a different department.

545. I think I figured it out,

546. why Taub didn't like Masters.

547. Now you're getting involved in this, too?

548. My previous source of entertainment just got fired.

549. Exactly. She's gone. It's over.

550. She's totally moral and uptight,

551. which made Taub feel badly about his cheating.

552. Can we get a move on?

553. He didn't like her even before he knew about her morals.

554. From the minute he saw her.

555. So it's something about how she looked.

556. All right.

557. No snails. Let's get out of here.

558. Hello?

559. - Yeah. - It's Foreman.

560. What did you find?

561. Nothing helpful but...

562. There's gotta be something. Dugan's gone completely downhill.

563. Now fluid's collecting in his chest.

564. Where the hell are you guys?

565. In jail.

566. You gonna come bail us out?

567. Uh, kind of busy.

568. Thank you all for coming down here at this late hour.

569. I assure you I will be brief.

570. There has been a lot of discussion about an attack ad

571. that leaked online earlier this week.

572. There you are.

573. I was starting to think that my holier-than-thou-dar was malfunctioning.

574. Our patient's liver, kidneys and lungs are failing,

575. I need you to help me figure out why.

576. As I recall, you have three actual doctors you haven't fired today.

577. They're in jail.

578. What? Why?

579. Prostitution.

580. So, you're re-hired.

581. It all started in the liver, but where in the liver.

582. If in the ducts, then primary biliary cirrhosis...

583. Yeah, I don't need to hear your ideas. Just return the volley.

584. Primary sclerosing cholangitis.

585. Nope. His vitamin A level is normal.

586. Gall bladder problems can affect the liver. Cholecystitis...

587. - He's talking about our patient. - I've known Joe...

588. Did you just shush me?

589. for many years

590. and thought he was a friend.

591. That is until he leaked this hurtful, hateful ad.

592. I think he's lying. Dugan said...

593. I think the technical term is speaking...

594. Dugan violated my trust.

595. And therefore I have no other recourse

596. than to fire him from my campaign.

597. Thank you and there will be no further questions.

598. Thanks for your help.

599. Oh. And you're fired again.

600. He screwed you.

601. That was a hell of a move.

602. He used the ad to shore up the base,

603. fire the extremist to hold the center.

604. No, I mean he actually screwed you.

605. Taking weekend trips down to Bunbury.

606. He's got a red blotch on his hand, that's palmar erythema.

607. That and the fact that he's got a permanent sheen of Nixonian flop sweat.

608. He's got Hepatitis C.

609. Which explains all your symptoms.

610. That's great, but the Senator and I have not had sex.

611. Well, then, the two of you shot up together.

612. How many high-functioning heroin users do you know?

613. Actually, quite a few.

614. Look, I know you've got Hep C.

615. So either you shared a bed together,

616. you shared a needle,

617. or you shared a straw.

618. I'm talking about coke, not Coke.

619. You can get Hep C from doing cocaine?

620. - Look, I will deny it... - Don't care.

621. They tested me for Hep C when I came in here, I don't have it.

622. Well, apparently your liver picked up a few of your campaign tactics.

623. It's hiding all your secrets by producing cryoglobulins

624. so the Hep C tests come back negative.

625. Now, I could look for all the associated toxins,

626. but the plasmapheresis got rid of those.

627. So, basically, you've got a disease,

628. but there's no way to prove it.

629. It's pretty cool, huh?

630. What is that?

631. This is interferon. It delays the onset of rigor mortis.

632. When did your lawyer say he was coming to get us?

633. He said, and I'm quoting here,

634. "Soon."

635. I know...

636. The reason you hated Masters from the moment you saw her...

637. Come on.

638. That was not the first time you saw her.

639. That is brilliant.

640. It's really not.

641. Is that guy seriously using the toilet?

642. Oh, my God, he's sitting down.

643. Don't try to change the subject. Did you sleep with her?

644. No wonder he's in jail. Anyone who would do that has no shame.

645. Or maybe he tried to sleep with her, and she shot him down.

646. I don't know her.

647. Is he grunting? I think I hear grunting.

648. You realize we're not gonna drop this.

649. I didn't sleep with her.

650. I interviewed her for Hopkins Med School.

651. So you're holding a grudge because she chose a different school?

652. We talked for an hour. She didn't remember me.

653. She remembers the 20th digit of some math constant,

654. but she doesn't remember a guy she had a one-on-one meeting with.

655. I barely remember you.

656. Mystery solved.

657. Now we can all go back to our lives.

658. Great news.

659. I've decided to re-hire you.

660. Find another sounding board.

661. - Dugan's got Hep C... - I'm not doing this.

662. but he's not responding to interferon.

663. You must think I have absolutely no self-esteem.

664. Ethics and self-esteem? You really are a pain in the ass.

665. What treats Hep C besides interferon?

666. Now you want me to talk?

667. Yeah.

668. Come on. Stop pretending you're not gonna do this.

669. As much you hate me, you hate failing more.

670. I didn't fail. You fired me, repeatedly.

671. But if you walk away now, after I just re-hired you, that's quitting.

672. A German research study showed

673. that 15% of patients with Hep C

674. were cured after contracting Hep A.

675. Of course other studies have shown that up to 85%

676. of doubly-infected patients die very quickly.

677. So, in theory, if we can find something that mimics Hep A...

678. There is one thing that mimics Hep A,

679. Hep A.

680. Good work.

681. You're fired.

682. No.

683. Hep A could cure him.

684. Better chance it will kill him.

685. Tell the lab to release a Hep A culture to me. We'll see who's right.

686. It's not an approved treatment and exposes us to liability.

687. There's no way I can let you do this.

688. That's an extremely cowardly position.

689. Listen to the genius.

690. You're the one that insisted he run this by me.

691. It's proper protocol for an unconventional treatment.

692. But we shouldn't compromise patient care just to avoid lawsuits.

693. What about the fact that we don't have any proof he actually has Hep C?

694. That is a perfectly valid objection.

695. Don't listen to her. She doesn't even work for me.

696. If you really think that this is the only way to cure him,

697. I will risk the lawsuit, but I need to know

698. that he actually has the disease.

699. Get me proof.

700. I've given you... Proof.

701. Get me proof he has Hep C and then you can give him Hep A.

702. I can't.

703. You'll figure something out.

704. The two of you have a combined IQ north of 300.

705. That's also true of five morons.

706. Go. Work.

707. So what do we do now?

708. Considering the fact that I'm about to do something unethical...

709. Oh, right, yeah. I'm fired.

710. Missed you. We need a false positive Hep C test.

711. And why would we want to do that?

712. The world changes when you're on the inside.

713. You just got to roll with it once you get out.

714. You think he contracted Hep C from the Senator, right?

715. Test Anderson. If he's positive,

716. that's evidence that Dugan has it, too.

717. Evidence. Not proof.

718. Are we presenting this to a jury of our peers?

719. That should be enough for Cuddy.

720. Should be, but it won't be.

721. The test for Hep C is 99.9% accurate.

722. That means one in every thousand tests is a false positive.

723. We do enough, maybe we get lucky.

724. I smell like jail.

725. A false false positive. That's the best we can do?

726. Okay, go do it.

727. I have a problem.

728. A medical problem.

729. Which could become...

730. I have lied to Cuddy 10,000 times.

731. How do you think she'd feel about 10,001?

732. I think you probably already know the answer.

733. But it doesn't make any sense.

734. You don't understand why a woman

735. might be upset because her boyfriend lied to her?

736. I wouldn't be lying as her boyfriend,

737. I'd be lying as her employee.

738. That's not how relationships work.

739. My patient is gonna die.

740. Does a lie guarantee he'll live?

741. No.

742. You've got two choices, either be honest

743. and face the medical consequences,

744. or lie and face the personal consequences.

745. Now that you're my doctor, you can't tell anybody, right?

746. Who would leak a story about a sitting senator

747. who got Hep C from doing cocaine?

748. You didn't fill out any paperwork.

749. I'm going to run this test under an assumed name.

750. Trust me, no one will ever know you were here.

751. Blood test confirming Hep C.

752. He got sicker, his viral load came up,

753. finally showed up on the test.

754. Thank you.

755. There was a time when you would have

756. completely ignored my request.

757. It means a lot that you respect me enough to do this.

758. I've come a long way, baby.

759. Now if you would only hire a new team member...

760. I'm on it.

761. How would you like to come work for me?

762. It's like I'm on a Möbius strip.

763. We've had this conversation. You want this job.

764. Prove yourself to me, no more games.

765. At least the current game ends, others may start.

766. You have my deeply-flawed word.

767. What do I have to do?

768. Get Dugan to let us give him Hep A.

769. And while you're figuring out the best way to coax a patient

770. into a treatment that has an 85% mortality rate,

771. here's some advice, don't.

772. I'm not gonna lie to him.

773. You have a math degree, so let's see if you can follow along here.

774. You lie to him.

775. He definitely consents, he might live.

776. You tell him the truth, like last time, he might not consent.

777. He definitely dies.

778. Remind me what's so wrong about lying.

779. We're going to inject you with Hepatitis A.

780. That doesn't sound like medicine.

781. I know it seems counterintuitive, but in some people,

782. the virus can enhance immune function

783. and clear out the Hepatitis C.

784. Some?

785. How many are we talking about?

786. A fair amount.

787. Give me a percentage. What are the odds of this thing working?

788. There's an 85% chance that this will kill you.

789. So you want to give me something that works 15% better than arsenic?

790. Technically, it works infinitely better because arsenic has a 0%

791. chance.

792. This is your only shot.

793. Both Dr. House and I believe that.

794. He faked a blood test

795. in order to get you approved for this treatment,

796. and then, he tried to bribe me into lying to you about the risks.

797. If either of those incidents came to light,

798. he'd be suspended and probably lose his license.

799. I'm sure some other people would suffer.

800. He's risking his career to give you this chance.

801. He wouldn't do that if there was any other choice.

802. I did it and I didn't have to lie.

803. And you feel good about that.

804. Yes.

805. So I'm hiring an idiot.

806. You can pretend you wanted me to lie, but you didn't.

807. You want the people on your team to challenge you.

808. Otherwise, you'd just be a bully instead of a great doctor.

809. You hired me because I don't compromise my principles.

810. Or I want a front row seat

811. when you wake up and realize how useless your principles are.

812. I don't want you to just lie to a patient,

813. I want you to want to lie to a patient.

814. It's not gonna happen.

815. See you tomorrow.

816. I heard that Dugan is already responding to treatment.

817. Yeah, his ALT level is already beginning to normalize.

818. I want to apologize for the way I've...

819. Wait.

820. You interviewed me, right?

821. For Hopkins?

822. Oh, my God. You're right.

823. Wow.

824. That memory of yours...

825. I wanted to say something the first day.

826. I've felt really awkward about the whole thing.

827. Don't worry about it.

828. Is this Grandma's tea cozy?

829. What?

830. Nothing. I'll see you upstairs.

831. If I knew hiring her meant dealing with medical school paperwork,

832. I might have reconsidered.

833. You really got nothing better to do than watch me sign this?

834. And miss the ultimate admission

835. that I was right about Masters all along?

836. She had me when she called you a coward.

837. You heading out?

838. I have to work late.

839. Gloating requires a lot of paperwork.

840. Thank you, New Jersey,

841. for re-electing me to the United States Senate.

842. We ran a positive campaign,

843. a campaign about the dire issues facing this great nation.

844. There are many people who gave their all for this campaign,

845. but there is one person that stands out among them.

846. My beautiful wife Loretta. Loretta?

847. Thank you.

848. Do you know where the Senator's records are?

849. House was treating Anderson's campaign manager,

850. not the Senator himself.

851. Oh.

852. Why did you think he was a patient?

853. House saw him in the clinic. I guess it wasn't medical.

854. When?

855. Friday, around 3:00.

856. House's team ran a Hep C test on Joe Dugan on Friday.

857. Can you look up the time?

858. Chase, Taub and Foreman were running tests all night.

859. All negative.

860. Positive test at 3:17 p.m.

861. House ran it himself.

862. Is everything okay?

863. I don't think so. ,097 a campaign about the dire issues facing this great nation.

864. There are many people who gave their all for this campaign,

865. but there is one person that stands out among them.

866. My beautiful wife Loretta. Loretta?

867. Thank you.

868. Do you know where the Senator's records are?

869. House was treating Anderson's campaign manager,

870. not the Senator himself.

871. Oh.

872. Why did you think he was a patient?

873. House saw him in the clinic. I guess it wasn't medical.

874. When?

875. Friday, around 3:00.

876. House's team ran a Hep C test on Joe Dugan on Friday.

877. Can you look up the time?

878. Chase, Taub and Foreman were running tests all night.

879. All negative.

880. Positive test at 3:17 p.m.

881. House ran it himself.

882. Is everything okay?

883. I don't think so.