House 6x1

1. So, how is this supposed to work?

2. You sit. I sit. We talk.

3. About what? About whatever you want.

4. You want me to whine about my mother?

5. Do you want to whine about your mother?

6. I could tell you about the time I was five and my goldfish died.

7. If that's where you'd like to start.

8. I've had a billion things happen to me in my life,

9. how am I supposed to know which ones are relevant?

10. As far as I'm concerned, they're all relevant.

11. Well, we better get moving 'cause this session could take 50 years.

12. Yes, you are the sum of everything that's happened to you,

13. and, yes, some events are more relevant than others,

14. but the only way we can figure out which ones are is to talk.

15. So, tell me, what's on your mind?

16. What do you want?

17. I want to get better.

18. Whatever the hell that means.

19. I'm sick of being miserable.

20. So you'd like to be happy?

21. Again with the reflecting. Yes, I'd like to be happy.

22. Being happy is an excellent goal.

23. Not many patients can crystallize

24. exactly what they're hoping to get out of this.

25. Well, bully for me.

26. So, now all we have to do

27. is figure out how to get you from here to happy.

28. SSRIs? That's your genius technique?

29. I don't think we should ignore any tools that can help.

30. I know you don't have a problem taking drugs.

31. For my leg. For pain.

32. Well, think of this as being for psychic pain.

33. I don't want to change who I am.

34. Miserable?

35. You think that by taking meds you'll lose your edge?

36. Stop making the unique connections that make you a successful doctor?

37. If Van Gogh was your patient,

38. he'd be satisfied painting houses instead of the Starry Night.

39. Van Gogh would still be making inspired paintings of the night sky,

40. just maybe not from the room of his asylum.

41. You don't know that.

42. I know both his ears would be intact.

43. And I know his life would be better.

44. I know this doesn't come naturally to you,

45. but you want my help, which means you need to trust me.

46. Hmm.

47. Delicious.

48. Why are you here?

49. Waiting for my communion wafer.

50. You're cheeking it, right?

51. Nope.

52. Tell me you're cheeking it.

53. I swallowed it.

54. No, you didn't. We don't take meds.

55. You don't take meds, Alvie.

56. I decided to get sane.

57. You're scamming again. You can tell me.

58. I'm not scamming, Alvie.

59. They broke you.

60. They didn't break me. I am broken.

61. And stop worshipping me and go worry about your own loser life.

62. I hate you.

63. Prom?

64. Got an assignment for you.

65. Role playing?

66. I'm not sure how pretending to be a businessman

67. with a foot fetish is going to help, but I'm game.

68. Have you connected with any of the other patients?

69. You've been here four weeks.

70. Tell me about your relationships with the other patients.

71. Diane is convinced that Silent Girl hates her.

72. Richter is not as paranoid as you think,

73. he just likes that you think that,

74. and my roommate hates me.

75. Only one of the things you said

76. indicated how somebody else feels about you. So...

77. I'm sure they've done some form of rudimentary analysis on me,

78. concluded that I'm a jerk.

79. You know, there is a way for them to find out things about you

80. without deductive reasoning.

81. I have had relationships.

82. You've screwed up relationships.

83. Every one of them. Almost like that was the goal.

84. I want you to trust people.

85. Try.

86. Get dressed.

87. Just open up?

88. Just open up. Trust.

89. Strangers?

90. We'll start with strangers, then work our way up.

91. If it helps, I find "Hello" to be an excellent ice breaker.

92. Hi.

93. Hi.

94. It's like hello, only shorter.

95. Yes.

96. Glad we were able to save that time.

97. Judging by the fancy suit, I'd say you were a donor,

98. but the nervous demeanor says maybe you've had issues,

99. probably that's why this place has personal meaning.

100. But this is supposed to be about me.

101. I take advantage of my friends.

102. Friend, really. I've only got one.

103. It can be tough sometimes.

104. I'm not gay.

105. Neither am I.

106. Actually, I am.

107. See that guy over there?

108. He's my lover. He's also my psychiatrist.

109. Which some would argue is a little inappropriate,

110. but they just don't know what love is. Am I right?

111. You're not gay. No.

112. But I have to tell intimate secrets to people.

113. Maybe they should be true.

114. Hadn't thought of that.

115. To be on the safe side, I should probably do both.

116. Starting with the fun ones. Come on, let's get me better.

117. Hi.

118. Hi.

119. I'm a philanderer.

120. Oh.

121. Philanderer doesn't mean that I give a lot to charity,

122. it means...

123. I know what it means.

124. You were asking me if there were any nuts in the hors d'oeuvres.

125. What?

126. Honey.

127. What did my husband just say to you?

128. I was asking him if there were nuts in the hors d'oeuvres.

129. Then where is your EpiPen?

130. My what?

131. No one with an allergy would walk around without an EpiPen.

132. Give me your purse. No.

133. Give me your purse. Stop. No.

134. What really happened is...

135. I thought he was cute. I hit on him.

136. We're going.

137. You having fun?

138. I did connect with one guy,

139. but then my propensity for screwing things up overtook me.

140. Then my desire to have fun overcame my propensity.

141. You didn't screw it up.

142. The assignment wasn't to get you to trust people with a piece of your soul,

143. the assignment was to teach you that you can trust.

144. Did any of these people rat you out as the obnoxious womanizer

145. or the porn producer that they think you are?

146. Why do you think that people would treat you worse if they knew the truth?

147. Good night, Doctor.

148. Are you in trouble?

149. Apparently not.

150. So, what's next? You wanna be my pimp?

151. Why don't we just talk?

152. Okay.

153. How come you weren't pissed at me for stealing your car?

154. It was a nice thing to do.

155. The stealing was nice or the ruining of Freedom Master's life?

156. What you did was misguided and irresponsible,

157. but it was also nice.

158. You gave him a moment of pure happiness.

159. You asked me why I come here so often to visit Annie.

160. She was my best friend.

161. Then she started pulling away from everybody.

162. The doctors don't know why.

163. I think I married her brother

164. because he was the only other one who was going through the same thing.

165. But he stopped visiting after a couple of years.

166. I just couldn't stop.

167. I miss her.

168. I should go.

169. Good night.

170. Good night.

171. So, what happened?

172. You're talking to me now.

173. No.

174. Was it fun?

175. Yeah.

176. She kissed me.

177. Don't read into the phrasing. We kissed each other.

178. And how do you feel about that?

179. How do I feel about that? It was a kiss. Kisses are good things.

180. Okay.

181. That was a loaded "okay."

182. Not at all. Why would you assume that?

183. You're being judgmental.

184. If I'd said that I had some delicious Chilean sea bass for dinner last night,

185. would you say, "And how do you feel about that?"

186. If the sea bass was married, I might.

187. See, you're being judgmental.

188. Isn't that against your code or something?

189. I'm simply stating the obvious.

190. It's complicated, not just because she's married

191. and not just because you're institutionalized.

192. I know you spent the last 12 hours trying to figure out what that kiss means.

193. Who was that woman you were with in the parking lot?

194. When you deflect,

195. it's more effective when you're not that transparent.

196. Obviously you have no problem with infidelity.

197. You're trying to rationalize that if it's okay for your doctor, it's okay.

198. But just for the record, I am not having an affair.

199. Then who is she? Why do you think you're working so hard

200. to figure out the details of my personal life?

201. Might not have to work so hard if there were some personal items in here.

202. You've got one number on speed dial, it says "Dad."

203. Come on, how old are you?

204. Why are you so afraid to talk about this?

205. I want to talk about you. I want to know who I'm taking advice from.

206. I'm not giving you advice, I'm asking you questions.

207. I think that kiss meant a lot. I think that scares you.

208. I think there are no personal items in here

209. because you have no personal life.

210. How do you think you and Lydia will end?

211. You are a Ionely man.

212. You've screwed up every opportunity you've had in life.

213. What's the ending to this story?

214. I don't know.

215. Visiting time.

216. Why did you kiss me?

217. How many reasons are there?

218. I like you. It felt like a nice way of showing you that.

219. How'd it go with Lydia?

220. I found out she can only be happy so long before the catatonic guy

221. with two broken limbs rolls off the elevator. Philosophically speaking.

222. Why do you value your failures more than your successes?

223. My mother caught me masturbating to pictures of her mother.

224. Can we get past these cute deflections?

225. Successes only last until someone screws them up. Failures are forever.

226. So you accept that fact?

227. You accept that there's nothing you can do?

228. Okay. I accept the fact that there's nothing I can do.

229. Now what can I do?

230. You acknowledge failure and you move past it.

231. You apologize.

232. Wow.

233. Powerful things, these apologies.

234. You get someone to jump off a building,

235. you say two words and you move on with your life.

236. Hardly seems fair.

237. Is that the issue?

238. You caused him pain.

239. If the world is just, you have to suffer equally?

240. You're not God, House.

241. You're just another screwed-up human being who needs to move on.

242. Apologize to him. Let yourself feel better.

243. Then you can learn to let yourself keep feeling better.

244. Hey.

245. Dr. House. Everything okay?

246. Yeah.

247. Time for group. Group time, everybody.

248. I have a surprise.

249. Two weeks from today, we're going to have the Mayfield Talent Show.

250. Talent show? Who's in it?

251. I'd really love it if everybody here could participate.

252. But then who's gonna watch?

253. The staff will come. Friends and family.

254. Are you going to tape this?

255. No, it's just for us.

256. Well, if it's just for us, I vote we don't do it.

257. Think of it as a fun way to work on our therapeutic issues.

258. Alvie, maybe you could sing one of your songs.

259. I don't sing, I rap.

260. Okay. Well, you can write something just for us.

261. I don't write. I just do. Freestyle style.

262. I think you're gonna wanna be prepared.

263. Make something special.

264. Always special.

265. How about you, Diane? Is there something you'd like to do?

266. I don't have any talents.

267. Sure, you do. You all do.

268. Steve, don't you think that Diane has hidden talent

269. that we'd all like to see come out?

270. You really think he's going to answer?

271. Eventually. Why?

272. Because things pass.

273. Things change, doesn't mean they get better.

274. You gotta make things better,

275. you can't just keep talking and hope for the best.

276. Diane, maybe you and I can work together and figure something out.

277. I can save him.

278. "They stole her voice box." That's what he said.

279. That's what she was staring at.

280. That's why he's staring.

281. Dr. House, please.

282. Because there's a music box in there.

283. Orderly.

284. Come on, just give it to me. I can...

285. I'm not having a psychotic break.

286. I promise you this will work.

287. It's that blue box on the top shelf.

288. This is what you wanted. This is what you needed. A voice.

289. You thought you could cure Silent Girl with this.

290. So by your own rationale, it should cure you.

291. There's nothing wrong with you. You're healing.

292. All the parts work. Just speak.

293. Come on. Speak. Say something.

294. I think maybe everyone should take a break now.

295. You're trying to fix, instead of moving on.

296. I brought Dvorak. Four hands.

297. What?

298. I need to know what this is.

299. It's sheet music.

300. I told you. It's just two people having fun.

301. There's two possible outcomes.

302. It ends, someone gets hurt, or it doesn't end and someone gets hurt.

303. So the end sucks, it doesn't mean the beginning has to.

304. Everything ends, life ends. It doesn't mean that we can't enjoy it.

305. I can't... I can't do this.

306. All I know is I was happy five minutes ago, and now I'm not.

307. How is that better?

308. Goodbye, Lydia.

309. I'm really worried about ECT.

310. Apprehension's normal. Has anyone else had it?

311. They shocked me, man.

312. Thanks, that's very reassuring.

313. I don't know if I should do it.

314. Just do the treatment or shut up.

315. Greg, there's a process.

316. Yes, a process. Wouldn't want to disrupt the process with results.

317. Hizzy had a rough night last night.

318. Guess he decided to go back to being an ass instead of a hypocrite.

319. Let's move on.

320. Alvie, are you making any progress writing your rap?

321. Yeah. But really, no. I just don't want to write my songs down,

322. it takes all the spontaneity out of it, it's not of the moment.

323. Alvie, if you write things down...

324. When the time comes, my rhyme comes When my spotlight shines...

325. Yeah. You're a genius. Rhymes with penius.

326. Sorry to interrupt, Dr. Beasley. Dr. Nolan asked me to give you this.

327. Is this a day pass?

328. He'd like to see you.

329. Thanks for coming.

330. I was hoping you could take a look at my dad's chart.

331. A consult? What happened?

332. You went through every sane doctor in town?

333. I thought you wouldn't mind getting off the ward.

334. The cleaning lady found him on the kitchen floor.

335. Doctors here don't think that he'll recover. That I should pull the plug.

336. I want a second opinion, so I thought I'd be a fool not to call you.

337. Lacunar infarct converted to hemorrhagic stroke.

338. He squashed his brain. They didn't miss anything.

339. That's what I thought.

340. That's what you knew.

341. His brain has been replaced by blood.

342. It's over, and it's obvious to any doctor who looked at that scan. Even a shrink.

343. You want someone to tell you that what you need to do is okay.

344. You need permission. Absolution.

345. Not now, House.

346. You have no friends, no family.

347. At some point, you made a mistake, you lost everything.

348. And now I'm the closest thing you got to a friend.

349. Just shut up.

350. I don't need you here to play this game.

351. I'm sorry I pushed you away.

352. It's what I do when I'm afraid.

353. Again, the German-English translation may be a little off.

354. I'm not crying because of you.

355. I'm crying because I'm pathetic.

356. I brought her cello. In case she magically wakes up for the show.

357. Well, then I take the apology back.

358. We're all pathetic. It's what makes everything interesting.

359. I'm sick of life being interesting.

360. You're nobody 'til somebody loves you

361. You're nobody 'til somebody cares

362. Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only, Juan Alvarez!

363. Yo, yo, what's up? Ward Six is jumping off, y'all.

364. Give it up for DJ Richter on the ones and twos.

365. Yo, DJ Richter, spin that.

366. Welcome to Mayfield Where the day feels long

367. We act strong But there's got to be something wrong

368. See, we got hidden talents You don't see hidden secrets

369. If we could show you those...

370. If we could show you those...

371. Then we wouldn't have no regrets

372. Wanna know my secret? Sit back and let me explain it

373. My Pop split, Momma got sick Cliche, ain't it?

374. Now I'm a manic Hispanic I'm trying to make it work

375. But the doctors think I'm lazy...

376. And my roommate is a jerk

377. Dr. House is in the house, y'all

378. Give it up for Dr. House to the stage, y'all

379. Paging Dr. House to the stage, y'all

380. Are you there, Dr. House? It's on, bring it on, on

381. Oh, yo, he's coming to the stage, y'all

382. It's Dr. House on the remix Dr. House on the remix

383. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo

384. They say to take their pills They say don't be a creep

385. But how can I get better...

386. If I can't get no sleep

387. You gotta think before you act in order to progress

388. If you don't make connections then your whole life is a mess

389. Yeah, so tell me, Doctor what I really gotta know

390. How do I get better?

391. Just do a talent show!

392. Oh, well, I guess I'm just a mess, yes! Preach it to me, brother

393. A life of restlessness

394. But at least we have each other!

395. We got each other! We got each other!

396. Like two brothers from another mother

397. Duck and run for cover Ward Six

398. How are you doing? You hanging in there?

399. Usually, I open with that.

400. Thanks for staying.

401. So, what do you want to talk about?

402. Things are actually...

403. Actually good.

404. You're not just saying that because you don't want to complain

405. in front of the guy who just lost his father?

406. I'm not that cured.

407. I still got stuff to do,

408. but I'm good.

409. I'm sorry.

410. I was trying to prove a point.

411. I was trying to be right.

412. I ended up putting you in a dangerous situation,

413. and I was not equipped to handle it.

414. And you got hurt, and it's my fault.

415. And I'm sorry.

416. Med time.

417. I'm going to try one of those pink ones today. You?

418. Thank you.

419. You're welcome.

420. Got a surprise.

421. Today we're here to congratulate Annie.

422. We are proud of her, we wish her well, and we hope to

423. - never see her again. - Never see her again.

424. If you go silent for over a decade,

425. you don't just get to slide right back into society.

426. She's going to a rehab facility first. In Arizona.

427. Her family's moving there.

428. I'm sorry, House. I just found out myself.

429. I want an overnight pass.

430. I can help you with this.

431. I've earned it. You have, but...

432. Isn't extending trust part of the whole "getting me better" thing?

433. If you insist on a pass, I'll give it to you.

434. But I know where you're going and I know you haven't thought it through.

435. We need to sit down and talk about this.

436. Please give me the pass.

437. Hi.

438. Hello. Who are you?

439. I'm...

440. Ben, go inside, okay?

441. You didn't say anything.

442. And now Annie's leaving, and I hear you're going to Arizona.

443. My husband travels to Phoenix a lot,

444. his corporate headquarters are there.

445. We've been wanting to move for years,

446. but we've been tethered here.

447. Now we're not.

448. I don't want you to go.

449. I don't want to go.

450. But I can't break up my family.

451. I can't leave my children.

452. I just don't want it to change.

453. I'm sorry that I didn't come to say goodbye.

454. I thought it ended kind of perfect.

455. I have to go.

456. Not the most exciting use of the overnight pass I've ever seen.

457. She left.

458. And

459. I'm lost.

460. I'm gonna write your letter,

461. to the medical board,

462. recommending that they give your license back.

463. You can't just console me by giving me a lollipop when I skin my knee.

464. Two things just happened.

465. You got hurt, which means you connected to someone else

466. strongly enough to miss them.

467. And more important, you recognized the pain

468. and came to talk to me, instead of hiding from it in a Vicodin bottle.

469. The fact that you're hurting and you came here,

470. the fact that you're taking your meds, and we're talking right now.

471. Come inside and get some sleep.

472. Tomorrow, you can start saying your goodbyes.

473. Today we're here to congratulate Greg.

474. We are proud of him, we wish him well, and we hope to

475. - never see him again. - Never see him again.

476. House.

477. Back off. People already think we're gay.

478. What do you need, Alvie?

479. My meds.

480. I want to get better.