House 3x16

1. Take it, Sarge. Take it. Oh, I'll take it.

2. Yeah.

3. Yo! Yo! Turn that back on.

4. Yeah, man, what'd you do?

5. Don't look at me, 'cause you know I didn't do it. All right?

6. Hey! You better have put fresh batteries in that thing like I told you.

7. No. I did, Sarge. Right when you gave them to me. I did.

8. I put them in. Well, then hit it or something.

9. Otherwise you all are gonna have to listen to me sing!

10. Here.

11. Don't panic. Don't shoot us. Don't die.

12. You got it, G?

13. Go! Go! Go!

14. Up and at them.

15. You're supposed to be in clinic duty.

16. Yeah, like I can sleep down there with all the crying and coughing.

17. Here.

18. Ex-Marine thinks he has Gulf War syndrome.

19. There's no such thing. So he's been told.

20. It hasn't stopped the unexplained fatigue, rashes and joint pain.

21. And just so you know, he's the nephew of a benefactor I owe a favor,

22. so you're gonna take this case whether you like it or not.

23. Why wouldn't I want to take the case?

24. The guy's tired and sore. It's gonna be chapter one in my...

25. Don't panic. Don't shoot us. Don't die.

26. You know him?

27. Never met him before in my life.

28. Okay. Well, you're about to. He's on his way here.

29. Get your ass up and get your team together. You have work to do.

30. That's amazing. No, it's not.

31. It's not? I can play the harmonica with my nose,

32. make a penny come out of a child's ear, or any other orifice for that matter,

33. to bill you on the same credit card.

34. But what I absolutely can not do is dream about someone I've never seen before.

35. Well, just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it can't happen.

36. True. It can't happen because it can't happen!

37. Well, maybe you didn't dream about this guy specifically.

38. Right. Just some other guy who looks exactly like him.

39. No. You imagined some generic Marine,

40. then you placed his face in the dream after you saw the picture.

41. Sort of a coincidence mixed with a little déja vu.

42. There's no record of him ever coming into the clinic,

43. so I must've seen him before somewhere else.

44. Fine. You've known him since Cub Scouts.

45. The more interesting question isn't what you dreamed, but why.

46. I'm guessing you're longing for either a renewed relationship with your dad,

47. or a new relationship with one of the Village People.

48. He was in the Navy, not the Marines.

49. I thought your dad was in the Marines.

50. The guy in the Village People.

51. Actually he's only in the Navy when they sing In the Navy.

52. The rest of the time he's just in generic fatigue.

53. What?

54. You brought it up!

55. You didn't flush. I didn't pee.

56. Male, 34, just got out of the Marines after two years in Iraq.

57. Admitted complaining of chronic fatigue,

58. joint pains, intermittent rashes and sore throats.

59. Thinks he has Gulf War syndrome.

60. Why is he here instead of the VA?

61. Because he has a rich uncle Cuddy's trying to avoid fellating,

62. who doesn't buy the VA's diagnosis of nothingswrongatosis.

63. The VA's right.

64. There's no such thing as Gulf War syndrome,

65. especially in veterans who've never served in the Gulf War.

66. Different war, same place.

67. Whatever was there in 1990 is still there.

68. What's there can send you home in a pine box

69. but it can't make you sick three months after you've gotten home.

70. What, so thousands of soldiers are lying about their symptoms?

71. You send 700,000 people on a vacation to Hawaii,

72. some are gonna come back sick.

73. Doesn't mean it was caused by snorkeling. He's right.

74. The studies all show the same pattern of symptoms in veterans

75. who were sent to the Gulf and those who weren't.

76. That's it?

77. You believe her but not me?

78. Stick to your guns, Chase.

79. Just 'cause there isn't a single unifying symptom

80. doesn't mean there isn't something going on.

81. It could just affect everyone differently.

82. You think this guy has Gulf War syndrome?

83. Of course not.

84. He's depressed and he's looking for a disability check,

85. most likely because he's just realized that knowing how to barter for sex

86. in six languages and open a beer bottle with your eye socket

87. are not the most marketable skills.

88. Why did you take this case?

89. 'Cause a good scientist continually questions

90. his own theories and assumptions.

91. Cuddy's making him. And now I'm making you.

92. Do a full physical and recheck his blood for HIV, hep C,

93. malaria, schistosomiasis, and T strain A. Baumannii,

94. just to make sure the VA's dotted their I's.

95. And find out every hospital and clinic he's ever visited,

96. every city he's ever lived in and whether he's ever been on TV.

97. TV?

98. Problem could be neurological.

99. Everyone knows TV rots your brain.

100. Well, it's usually the worst on my palms and the bottom of my feet.

101. I get these black dots all over.

102. I don't see anything. It comes and goes.

103. You're sure it's not just scrapes and bruises.

104. I know the difference between a rash and a bruise.

105. Sometimes it's harder than you realize to distinguish between the two.

106. You obviously exercise.

107. My problems aren't caused by my workouts.

108. But you do work out.

109. And by the look of you, pretty strenuously.

110. That's not usually the case with patients

111. whose principal complaint is chronic fatigue and joint pain.

112. I was in the Marines for 12 years. I'm used to doing PT every day.

113. Just because I can push through the pain doesn't mean it's not there.

114. We're not saying we don't believe you.

115. The hell you aren't.

116. We just need to be specific about what exactly the problems are.

117. I sleep 10 hours a night but I feel tired all the time.

118. I constantly get coughs, rashes, sore throats.

119. My knees and hips feel like someone poured sand in my joints.

120. Get these weird tingling sensations in my legs.

121. Sometimes they're cold. Other times, feels like my blood is boiling.

122. Specific enough?

123. Look, I don't care what you guys call it.

124. Gulf War syndrome, Iraq fever, or just crappy sickness X.

125. I just want someone to figure out what it is so they can cure it.

126. Except for the supposed pain in his joints,

127. none of the other symptoms he's complaining about are currently evident.

128. And besides low potassium, probably caused by him

129. over-hydrating after working out.

130. His blood work's all normal.

131. Low potassium could also probably be caused by the experimental vaccines

132. and anti-chemical warfare pills he was given before he deployed to Iraq.

133. Not to mention the fact that whole country is littered

134. with hundreds of tons of radioactive shrapnel from depleted uranium munitions.

135. You go to medical school in France? There's no trace of uranium in his urine.

136. And he was given the vaccines and meds two years ago

137. without any allergic or adverse reaction.

138. Has he ever done any modeling?

139. We forgot to ask.

140. We should send his urine to the University of Leicester.

141. There's a professor there who's developed

142. a more advanced screening technique for uranium.

143. If the levels are too low for us to detect, they're way too low to cause any damage.

144. Where are you going?

145. This way.

146. You find out about any television or other media exposure?

147. Do you really care or are you just trying to waste hospital resources

148. to get back at Cuddy for making you take the case?

149. Of course, I care.

150. What a horrible thing to say.

151. Do a Lexis-Nexis search and get a copy of his credit report.

152. Before or after we tell him to eat a banana and discharge him with a psych referral?

153. I say before.

154. And I say in between give him a polysomnogram.

155. Sleep apnea could cause chronic fatigue and paranoia.

156. And find out where he went to summer camp.

157. You okay?

158. Yeah. Just a little too much coffee this morning.

159. Were we walking you to the bathroom?

160. I wish.

161. Wilson was just in there. These guys know what I'm talking about.

162. That's his third REM cycle and his breathing's completely normal.

163. There's obviously nothing wrong with his sleep pattern.

164. If it's not the uranium, it's got to be some other sort of toxin.

165. Or nothing at all.

166. You really think there's something wrong, or you just want Foreman to be wrong?

167. Both.

168. Well, it's not his sleep pattern.

169. If you really think it's a toxin, you can do a liver biopsy in the morning.

170. We can't leave.

171. If we don't monitor the whole test, House won't accept the results.

172. He'll just make us do it over.

173. It doesn't take two doctors to monitor

174. what's clearly gonna be a normal polysomnogram.

175. Oh, so you want me to stay?

176. You're the one that thought there was something wrong.

177. I never said it was a sleep disorder.

178. You wanna flip for it?

179. Just go.

180. Oh, come on. Don't be a baby.

181. Fine. I'll stay.

182. You know what we could do?

183. Here? Why not?

184. We're surrounded by empty rooms with beds in them.

185. Yeah. And video cameras, too.

186. So we turn them off. Yeah, that's all I need is

187. House or Foreman walking in on us.

188. We have the keys.

189. No. What if he wakes up?

190. All right.

191. Suit yourself.

192. Damn it.

193. Hello? Is anybody out there?

194. I think there's a problem in here!

195. What's wrong?

196. What do you mean, "What's wrong?" You don't smell that?

197. Nothing smells, John.

198. Oh, are you kidding me? It's disgusting.

199. How long have you thought... Wait.

200. Open your mouth.

201. The smell's not in the room. It's in your mouth.

202. What's going on?

203. Good question.

204. What?

205. You were wrong about the nothingswrongatosis.

206. You can fake fatigue and joint pain,

207. but you can't fake bacterial vaginosis in your mouth.

208. HOUSE.: Where's his mouth been?

209. Says he hasn't performed oral sex on anyone in over a year.

210. Selfish bastard.

211. Because he hasn't been with anyone since his last girlfriend dumped him

212. after he deployed to Iraq the second time.

213. Selfish bitch.

214. We've ruled out HIV, diabetes and any other endocrine abnormality.

215. Could be autoimmune. Sjögren's decreases salivary flow,

216. creates a hospitable home for bacteria.

217. No. His eyes and tear ducts are fine.

218. Who was his last girlfriend?

219. Yeah, we'll get right on that.

220. Chronic fatigue, joint pain and opportunistic infection spells cancer.

221. Probably lymphoma.

222. FOREMAN.: We should biopsy his tonsilar and submandibular lymph nodes.

223. Right about cancer, wrong about lymphoma.

224. Unless you're simply hiding the fact that his lymph nodes are swollen.

225. Get Wilson to biopsy his salivary glands. He's got parotid cancer.

226. And see if you can get to the truth about who he's been dating.

227. No way, a Marine goes a year without getting some blood on his bayonet.

228. It's not an STD. You just said...

229. Just do it.

230. The antibiotics should at least relieve the infection,

231. which will reduce the odor and taste in your mouth.

232. Not soon enough.

233. All right. You're gonna feel a little burn.

234. You know I never even dipped?

235. Chewing tobacco. Practically everyone in my unit did it.

236. But me. I was so paranoid about cancer.

237. Well, if it's parotid cancer, it's very treatable if diagnosed early.

238. My mom had cancer, which is why I know that diagnosing cancer early

239. means before there's any serious symptoms.

240. Certainly tastes like a pretty serious symptom, you know?

241. We'll know more after the test.

242. If he was just trying to mess with Cuddy for wasting his time,

243. this would have stopped as soon as the patient started exhibiting actual symptoms.

244. So the question is, why is he wasting our time?

245. Or is he wasting our time?

246. You think he's got a medical reason for asking for the guy's credit report?

247. I don't.

248. Where were you two when the guy woke up?

249. We just stepped out for a second.

250. To do what?

251. To get a coffee. We'd been up most of the night.

252. He's just pushing to make sure we have a complete history.

253. Obviously we're missing something or we'd have the answer.

254. You didn't have any coffee when you came back.

255. All right already. We confess. You caught us.

256. We snuck into one of the sleep lab rooms to have sex.

257. We shouldn't have done it while we were working and we're sorry.

258. Now can we move on?

259. House would do Wilson before you'd do Chase.

260. No. You would do House and Wilson before I'd do Chase.

261. Now can we get back to work.

262. She did me once.

263. She was stoned!

264. Biopsy's inconclusive.

265. I'm gonna do a sialogram while we wait for results from the additional blood work.

266. No hurry.

267. Probably nothing we can do at this point anyway.

268. As long as the cancer hasn't spread...

269. He's spitting stink. You should focus on the living.

270. I need a prescription.

271. I just wrote you a prescription.

272. For Vicodin. I need alfuzosin.

273. No, you don't.

274. You figured out where you met your Marine?

275. What?

276. Oh, that. Haven't really thought about it.

277. I can't pee.

278. You can't remember him, can you?

279. I can't pee.

280. So stop taking the Vicodin.

281. I want to pee and not be in pain.

282. Why don't you go to sleep?

283. I don't pee when I'm asleep.

284. Maybe you'll dream about him again. Maybe he'll give you an address.

285. I haven't peed in three days.

286. I read that REM sleep is the brain's way of working out problems.

287. Very useful. Did you hear what I just said?

288. Yeah. You lied because you want to avoid talking about your obsession.

289. I'm not obsessing. Why don't you just ask him?

290. I haven't peed in three days! You'd be dead.

291. I'm not counting intermittent drips.

292. You'd be in agony.

293. I passed agony yesterday around 4:00.

294. His mother, brother, uncle and best friend

295. all confirm he hasn't had a date in over a year.

296. Which means it's not an STD.

297. If you come up with something medically relevant, page me.

298. What did you want me to tell him? The truth?

299. No. You didn't have to be so convincing.

300. Don't worry. I'll make it up to you.

301. This is getting out of control.

302. Don't pout.

303. Our patient woke up with an infection while we were getting our rocks off.

304. Do you want to stop?

305. No.

306. But I don't want to get caught, either.

307. You think I do?

308. You certainly didn't go out of your way to keep the volume down

309. when we were in the sleep lab.

310. I couldn't help that.

311. Why would I want to get caught?

312. Maybe you want to give House a reason to be jealous.

313. I'm over House.

314. All this is, is uncomplicated sex. Don't try to make it more than that.

315. We're not doing it at work anymore.

316. Fine.

317. Wanna go grab some lunch?

318. I think the pill is the way to go.

319. We haven't had a condom break yet. Thank God.

320. But it's bound to happen, especially the way we've been doing it.

321. On a bed of nails? No.

322. He's not kinky. He's just insatiable.

323. I can barely make it to any of my morning classes.

324. You smoke? No way.

325. Stop it!

326. Sorry.

327. Any history of hypertension, blood clots, strokes?

328. Nope. Besides my OCD, I'm fit as a fiddle.

329. You have OCD? Can't you tell?

330. Any other compulsions besides drinking massive amounts of water?

331. No, that's it. Thank God.

332. My therapist says it could be a lot worse.

333. You get up in the middle of the night to drink?

334. Yeah. Every couple of hours.

335. Then your therapist is an idiot.

336. Unconscious people don't have OCD.

337. They can, whoever, have diabetes insipidus.

338. That's impossible. I eat candy all the time.

339. Different kind of diabetes. This kind is caused by banged up pituitary.

340. You're obviously more of a lover than a fighter.

341. I'm guessing either a car accident or you cracked your skull on the balance beam.

342. How'd you know?

343. Easy. Nice ass. No boobs. And you've got palms like a longshoreman.

344. Wait here. You need a CAT scan.

345. Oh, my God... Don't worry.

346. Just means you'll be taking two hormone supplements instead of one.

347. Okay, this time you're gonna feel a little pressure.

348. We're injecting the contrast material.

349. Could you turn up the music?

350. Sure.

351. Looks pretty good so far.

352. Still can't hear it that well.

353. Can you hear it now?

354. John?

355. John!

356. John, can you hear me?

357. Still no relief?

358. I got relief.

359. I just got no pee.

360. If the pills didn't work, you may need a catheter.

361. You didn't come here to talk to me about my pee.

362. What's going on?

363. He's got cancer all right.

364. But it's not in his salivary glands. It's in his brain.

365. And it's bad. At least six tumors. Maybe more.

366. He lost his hearing. His sight's probably next.

367. Death is probably next.

368. No way he could've grown all these in a week.

369. They can't be older. The VA couldn't have missed all these.

370. Maybe they didn't miss them. Just mixed them up.

371. Switched his films with another patient's by mistake.

372. Maybe.

373. It'd mean some poor sap's getting his melon sliced at the VA for no reason.

374. And this poor sergeant's gonna be dead by the end of the week.

375. Where've you two been? Lunch.

376. Why? What happened?

377. Wilson's found some fast-growing, elusive or magic brain tumors.

378. What did you find?

379. Nothing. He's telling the truth.

380. About what? About everything.

381. Where he's lived, who he's dated.

382. Besides forgetting to mention his dad's shin splints,

383. his granddad's nosebleeds, and to return a few rented DVDs,

384. everything he's told us has checked out.

385. You have them researching your dream?

386. No. I have them researching my patient.

387. You had a dream about a patient?

388. This poor guy's brain is riddled with tumors and you're checking his credit report?

389. Come on. I need you guys.

390. Where are you going? To do my job.

391. He's not your patient.

392. He is now. Go home and go to sleep.

393. Maybe you'll dream a cure to late-stage brain cancer.

394. How is he?

395. He's dead.

396. Oh, God. At least he will be in a few days.

397. Question is why.

398. The only explanation is that the VA hospital screwed up.

399. There was definitely no mix up. I had them recheck.

400. Yes. Why would a government agency lie to cover up a mistake

401. that might have caused the death of a guy

402. they'd been trying to kill for the last two years anyway?

403. They didn't lie.

404. Did you just take two Vicodin?

405. No. Just an antidepressant.

406. I was told to take two every time you walked into the room.

407. The VA's scan of his brain. No tumors.

408. Yes. This is proof positive that someone didn't have tumors in their brain.

409. You see that bright spot below his left orbit?

410. That is a titanium pin your patient had inserted 20 years ago.

411. Unless you think the VA happened to mix up his scans with someone

412. who had the exact same pin, they didn't screw up.

413. You paged us?

414. Why didn't you send his urine to Leicester like I told you?

415. Because you told me not to.

416. Why did you choose that moment to listen to me?

417. You think depleted uranium might have something to do with his tumors?

418. Radiation's the only thing that will make tumors grow that fast.

419. High doses of radiation!

420. Even if he ate depleted uranium bullets for breakfast,

421. he still would've been exposed to less radiation

422. than we've given him in the last two days.

423. Do it anyway. And you, call his uncle back.

424. Find out if he ever brought his nephew to any hospital parties or fundraisers.

425. No. Not until you give me a reason.

426. Because I'm your boss?

427. A rational reason.

428. Or at least admit that you don't have one.

429. I've got a full bladder and I'm not afraid to use it.

430. But you are apparently afraid

431. of discovering something you can't rationally explain...

432. Shut up!

433. Do what you're told.

434. Cuddy and Wilson may not have to listen to me, but you do.

435. What the hell was that all about?

436. I don't care.

437. Which is why I didn't feel the need to ask him eight personal questions.

438. I'm over him.

439. Just making an observation.

440. All right. Ready whenever you are.

441. I'm ready.

442. Wait a minute. Zoom in.

443. I don't see it. You sure you got the right coordinates?

444. Yeah. She's in the right place.

445. Go 10 millimeters above the AC-PC line on the Z axis.

446. Ten mil above AC-PC on Z.

447. It's not there anymore.

448. Are you sure you got the gantry angle right?

449. Yeah, I'm sure. It's not there.

450. It disappeared.

451. Six tumors don't just disappear.

452. Unless they were never there to begin with.

453. The VA didn't screw up.

454. Maybe someone else did.

455. Maybe it was Dr. Self-Righteous.

456. I saw the tumors. There was no mix up.

457. Maybe there's something wrong with the portable imager in the OR.

458. Something that would cause it to show brain tissue in perfect detail

459. but completely miss neoplastic tissue?

460. Then they were never tumors to begin with.

461. I told you I saw...

462. Oh, you saw something that looked like tumors. We all did. We were all wrong.

463. Or maybe he doesn't have cancer.

464. Maybe he has a brain infection that's causing multiple abscesses.

465. That miraculously healed?

466. No. They were healed by the antibiotics

467. we're giving him for the vaginosis in his mouth.

468. If it's an infection, why didn't it show up in his blood work?

469. I don't know yet.

470. Dr. Wilson, we have a problem.

471. What did you do?

472. I can't feel my legs! I can't feel my legs!

473. John... What did you guys do?

474. John! Calm down! We didn't even operate.

475. Could this be a regional effect?

476. I can't move my legs! It's not the anesthesia.

477. John! John!

478. We're gonna figure out what's wrong with you.

479. But first we need to know one thing, have you ever appeared in any pornos?

480. Chronic fatigue, sore throats, rashes,

481. putrid discharge in the mouth, multiple abscesses in the brain,

482. hearing loss, and last but not least, lower limb paralysis.

483. He's certainly given us plenty of clues.

484. It's got to be some sort of infection.

485. That's miraculously improving in his brain but getting worse in his ears and legs?

486. Could be an infection and cancer.

487. A neoplastic syndrome could depress his immune system

488. and cause the other symptoms.

489. You're basing this theory on the negative biopsy,

490. the lymph nodes that aren't swollen,

491. or the tumors that were never there to begin with?

492. And what are you gonna base your theory on?

493. His favorite restaurants?

494. I was right.

495. He's excreting depleted uranium in his urine.

496. We should start him on an IV infusion of isotonic sodium bicarbonate...

497. It's not depleted uranium.

498. You're the one... Who asked for the test

499. when we were thinking cancer. We no longer are.

500. Depleted uranium doesn't just cause cells to mutate.

501. It can cause cell death as well.

502. Not spinal cord cells.

503. At least not before the dose is high enough to kill all his other cells first.

504. So you're saying the radioactive uranium in his urine is irrelevant.

505. The sun's radioactive. The earth is radioactive.

506. This hospital is filled with radiation.

507. The issue is not where it is, but how much there is,

508. and what damage that amount can cause in someone's spinal cord.

509. As I've already stated quite clearly.

510. Got it. We're all idiots. What's your theory?

511. Give me your keys. Why?

512. You ever tried to ride a motorcycle with a distended bladder?

513. Keep him on antibiotics, check his hearing and paralysis every hour.

514. So you basically want us to do nothing?

515. No. I basically want to do nothing.

516. I want you to keep him on antibiotics

517. and check his hearing and paralysis every hour.

518. Wait. You can't go home now.

519. Actually, I have to go home now.

520. Its two days past my bedtime.

521. House, he needs your help.

522. And I need sleep!

523. Hey, it's the brain's way of working out problems

524. that the conscious mind can't solve during the day, remember?

525. No. Nothing.

526. I'm gonna die. Aren't I?

527. No, we're not.

528. We should start treatment for the uranium toxicity like you said.

529. But House... Isn't here.

530. If House wanted to be involved in the case...

531. he wanted us to start this treatment,

532. he would have told us to do it the last time you brought it up.

533. You have a better idea? No.

534. Then we're going with Chase's.

535. Tell him not to get the lines tangled.

536. With an infusion this slow we can't have any kinks in the line.

537. I went to medical school, too.

538. Keep your arms on your body. Above your heart.

539. I can't feel my stomach!

540. I don't feel that! I don't feel anything!

541. Paralysis is ascending.

542. If it keeps going we're gonna need a respirator.

543. What? What are you saying? Can you breathe?

544. No. Not yet.

545. REPORTER.: ... incident on the Garden State Parkway, southbound at exit 91...

546. So, where were we?

547. You have a nice night? No.

548. The paralysis is ascending.

549. Last check it was nearly to his diaphragm.

550. Tells us something. Means it's getting worse.

551. Worse is something.

552. Also it tells us it's not the uranium.

553. Did we think it was?

554. We started him on sodium bicarb to try to flush the uranium out of his system.

555. Great. Now the fact that he's getting worse tells us nothing.

556. Never thought it was uranium.

557. For all we know, the uranium treatment is what's making him...

558. A sodium bicarb infusion wouldn't have any affect on...

559. On what?

560. Kind of hard to say what it wouldn't have an effect on

561. if you've no idea what's there to affect.

562. We had to do something. Well, next time,

563. go with something that has a chance of working.

564. Like what?

565. You come up with some brilliant idea while you're warm and cozy

566. in your bed at home? We need more information.

567. How much more information could you possibly want?

568. We have a medical history going all the way back to his great grandparents.

569. A non-medical history going... It's not enough.

570. It's all we're gonna get.

571. Wanna bet?

572. Who approved a sodium bicarb infusion?

573. Don't look at me. I was home in bed.

574. What's wrong? He's unconscious.

575. His skin has lost all color and his BP and hematocrit are plunging.

576. He was only on the sodium bicarb... He's bleeding out.

577. He can't be bleeding out. There's no blood in the bed.

578. Fine. He's bleeding in.

579. There's no sign of bruising or internal hemorrhaging.

580. The paralysis must've reached his diaphragm.

581. He's not able to oxygenate his blood.

582. He's not able to oxygenate his blood because he doesn't have any left.

583. There's no evidence.

584. The only thing that would explain...

585. There's no reason for blood loss.

586. There has to be a reason!

587. He needs a transfusion. Get me four units of O-negative, stat.

588. Let's elevate his feet.

589. He doesn't need a transfusion.

590. Nobody asked you. In fact, why are you even here?

591. Because obviously you need my help. Get out.

592. House, his blood obviously didn't just vanish into...

593. What the hell is this?

594. Somebody must have spilled something.

595. Somebody else should be getting me four units of O-negative, stat.

596. What the hell is that?

597. It's a urine catheter collection bag with a rip in it.

598. What the hell's it look like?

599. What?

600. It's just urine. It's sterile.

601. No one's getting me blood! Why isn't anybody getting me blood?

602. You're bleeding.

603. House, are you all right?

604. Why are you even here?

605. I'm always here.

606. No, you're not.

607. There's a reason. There has to be.

608. REPORTER.: ... incident on the Garden State Parkway...

609. So, where were we?

610. Have a nice night?

611. Yes, I did. Thank you.

612. I'm guessing better than our patient.

613. Probably due to his BP and hematocrit plunging.

614. How'd you know?

615. The answer was staring right at us the whole time.

616. As plain as the nose on our faces.

617. And the nose on his face.

618. What's going on? What did he say?

619. No hairs and cauterization scars.

620. Which means?

621. He had it cauterized. How could you know that?

622. Because it makes sense.

623. Undoubtedly done to stop the same childhood nosebleeds

624. that plagued his grandfather.

625. Undoubtedly because they were both born with hereditary hemorrhagic telangiectasia.

626. What's he saying?

627. I'm saying you have a genetic disease that's destroying your capillaries.

628. That no one in his family's ever been diagnosed with before?

629. Not surprising, since the most common initial symptoms,

630. skin rashes and nosebleeds are often written off

631. as the result of minor trauma or dry weather.

632. But they can also be the result of his arteries and veins merging together.

633. He obviously has AVMs.

634. HOUSE.: AVM near the spine caused the paralysis.

635. AVM in his lungs prevented his blood from being filtered.

636. Dirty blood caused the joint pain, fatigue,

637. and the infections in his mouth and brain.

638. Nothing that a few surgeries won't clear up.

639. Get MR angiograms of the aforementioned.

640. The Marines weren't hiding anything. He was.

641. Or at least he forgot to mention his bloody tissue issue.

642. What's going on? What did he say?

643. Well, looks like solving the case solved your other problem.

644. There is no medicine like happiness. Except maybe laughter.

645. Or rubber tubes shoved up your urethra.

646. You cathed yourself?

647. It's actually not that bad after the first, I don't know, 9 or 10 inches.

648. The cath relieved the spasm. I'm good as new.

649. Of course. Just a minor spasm in a muscle you've been using multiple times a day

650. without any problems for the past 45 years.

651. Not a major side effect caused by the overuse of a particular narcotic painkiller.

652. Yeah. That was my thought, too.

653. So, no reason to think about cutting back on your use of that particular pill.

654. Thank God!

655. Actually, it was the triple dose of the good stuff

656. that allowed me to finally get some sleep and solve the case.

657. Pills made all my dreams come true.

658. You really got the answer in your sleep?

659. I got one in my sleep. The other one I got in the shower.

660. I've been thinking about you.

661. You lied.

662. I didn't lie.

663. I simply chose not to share completely irrelevant facts.

664. Like the fact that you lied.

665. No wonder I couldn't place his face.

666. You were practically swallowing it on the dance floor.

667. I was not.

668. Talk about the cool uncle.

669. He donates the money and the nephew gets the write-off.

670. And of course, by write-off, I mean he gets to put your ankles...

671. This is exactly why I didn't mention our one date over two years ago.

672. Because of my T-shirt.

673. Because you are an obnoxious ass.

674. Because you would have spent the whole time...

675. That's very smart.

676. 'Cause this way I spent the whole time completely focused on the patient.

677. How did you even remember him?

678. We were only at that party for like 10 minutes!

679. Is this a new health plan?

680. Service the Dean of Medicine, you get free health care for a year?

681. Why are you smiling?

682. You remembered him because he made out with me.

683. I'm good with faces.

684. So this plan, is it open to anyone? Is there a co-pay?

685. You're lousy with faces.

686. Don't make this about me. This is your humiliation.

687. So how much for private room coverage?

688. Get over me.

689. Give me a break. You hired me...

690. 'Cause you're a good doctor who couldn't get himself hired at a blood bank,

691. so I got you cheap.

692. You gave me everything I asked for because one night I gave you everything...

693. Stop staring at my ass when you think I'm not looking,

694. showing up at restaurants where I happen to be on a date,

695. and fantasizing about me in the shower.

696. That ship sailed long ago, House.

697. Get over it.

698. If you're still referring to your ass,

699. I think that supertanker sailed would be the more precise metaphor.

700. Sorry.

701. Just looking for an extra-large trashcan.

702. Since when does he clean anything up?