1. Calamari stolen the lead,
but Ample Parking is making strides,Copy !req
2. and is now at fourth, third,
and holding second place, while
Blue Calamari is at a steady speed.Copy !req
3. And down the stretch they come!
Ample Parking comes from behind.Copy !req
4. It's Ample Parking by a nose!Copy !req
5. This is the last call
for the third race.Copy !req
6. You may still wager if you hurry.
Here's your information on the race ...Copy !req
7. Out of the way.
Cripple coming through.Copy !req
8. Um, 6 race at Golden Downs.
I'll take the two and the four.Copy !req
9. Hey, that's my birthday.
February 4th, 1963.
I think that's a good bet?Copy !req
10. Oh, wh-what's your birthday?Copy !req
11. Take your time. Don't worry.
There's only 30 seconds to post.Copy !req
12. Is there any way I can bet
on the 6 and the 3 also?Copy !req
13. You know, for the year?
All four horses. Can I do that?Copy !req
14. He wants a $2.00 exacta box - 2, 4, 6, 3.
Give him $24.Copy !req
15. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
16. Your turn.Copy !req
17. 9th at Gulfstream Park.
500 on the three horse.
Seminal Uprising to win.Copy !req
18. Might as well burn your money.Copy !req
19. I'll burn my winnings.
Bigger flame.Copy !req
20. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
21. Same race,
TermiGator to win.Copy !req
22. Flag is up.Copy !req
23. - Sorry, race just closed.
- Damn it.Copy !req
24. She was 14 to 1, too.Copy !req
25. That fat ass over there
just saved you money.Copy !req
26. - No way Seminal Uprising is...
- I don't bet on the horses.Copy !req
27. I bet on the jocks.
My rider is bulimic.Copy !req
28. Purges after his weigh-ins.Copy !req
29. Leave a 2-pound pile at the starting gate,
shaves valuable time of that final 8th.Copy !req
30. Nice to have inside information.Copy !req
31. Leads at the stretch by a length,
the Burning Bush. And on the level
is Andy right up on the inside...Copy !req
32. Is anybody here a doctor?Copy !req
33. You tryin' to cop a feel?Copy !req
34. I took a CPR class at the Y.Copy !req
35. That would be useful
if she was having a heart atack
instead of a seizure.Copy !req
36. Seizure?
Hold her tongue down?Copy !req
37. If you wanna get a finger bitten off.
Call an ambulance.Copy !req
38. Methodist is 3 blocks down.
I could drive her.Copy !req
39. How should I know?Copy !req
40. Tell the paramedics to take her
to Princeton-Plainsborough.Copy !req
41. The doctor's name is House.Copy !req
42. And it's TermiGator
winning by 2 lengths!Copy !req
43. 2x09 - DeceptionCopy !req
44. Original Airdate (FOX): 13-DEC-2005Copy !req
45. Since when does House hang out at OTB?Copy !req
46. Man's an addict.Copy !req
47. Right, addicted to pills,
not gambling.Copy !req
48. Same thing - drug abuse,
drinking, gambling.Copy !req
49. They all fire up the same
pleasure centers in the brain.Copy !req
50. An addict is an addict is...Copy !req
51. Gambling doesn't
take away his pain.Copy !req
52. It does when I win.Copy !req
53. Hot OTB babe has grand mal
and inexplicable bruising.Copy !req
54. What up with that?Copy !req
55. You were just standing there
and she started to seize?Copy !req
56. Spend as much time around
the real people as I do,
someone gets sick.Copy !req
57. Platelets are 89.
She's anemic.Copy !req
58. And she has a blood
alcohol level of.13.Copy !req
59. Hot OTB babe?Copy !req
60. Obviously a working girl.
Probably an STD, infection.Copy !req
61. No fever, no infection.Copy !req
62. Alcohol abuse explains it all.Copy !req
63. Causes seizures and affects
her blood's ability to clot,
which causes bruising.Copy !req
64. Start her on heparin.
She'll be fine by morning.Copy !req
65. Except for the fact that
the bruises are not petechial,
which means it's not DIC.Copy !req
66. So the bruises were
caused by trauma.Copy !req
67. She probably got beat up
by her boyfriend. Or her pimp.Copy !req
68. What's that called
when you judge someone
before ever meeting them?Copy !req
69. She's a regular at OTB.Copy !req
70. Somehow I don't see her
holding down a 9-to-5
and going to PTA meetings.Copy !req
71. I was there.Copy !req
72. I have a "9-to-3" job.Copy !req
73. It could be SLE,
familial telangiectasis,Copy !req
74. - or even Cushing's.
- Good. Start with those.Copy !req
75. - Which one?
- Cushing's.Copy !req
76. Explains the seizure
and the bruising.Copy !req
77. Not the anemia.Copy !req
78. So she doesn't eat
a lot of meat.Copy !req
79. DIC brought on by alcohol abuse
is far more likely. Do a full workup.Copy !req
80. H and P.
And lab her up, LP, MRI.Copy !req
81. Wh-Whoa!Copy !req
82. Did you just ever-so-subtly
order me to get her medical history?Copy !req
83. Cuddy put me in charge
last week. So... yeah.Copy !req
84. It was a pretend in charge.Copy !req
85. Formality to get past
the suits in legal.Copy !req
86. Right, those licensing board folk
love to play dress-up and pretend.Copy !req
87. Hey, no worries.
I'll let you keep
your parking space.Copy !req
88. You can have it.Copy !req
89. You'll also need
my handicapped placard.Copy !req
90. Bend over.Copy !req
91. Well, you make a pretty
convincing argument.Copy !req
92. Chase killed that woman.
Now Foreman's in charge?Copy !req
93. Yeah, we have a
pecking order here.Copy !req
94. If Cameron kills somebody,
Chase takes over.
There's a flow chart in the lobby.Copy !req
95. For the next three weeks,
you answer directly
to Dr. Foreman.Copy !req
96. And I expect you here
for grand rounds at 9:00.Copy !req
97. By the way...
I like sugar in my coffee.Copy !req
98. If there's a screw-up,
it's your screw-up.Copy !req
99. You won't have Dr. House
to fall back on.Copy !req
100. "Do you wear a seat belt?"Copy !req
101. Is that really relevant
to a seizure?Copy !req
102. Skip it.Copy !req
103. How about, um...Copy !req
104. "Were you vaccinated for polio?"Copy !req
105. I think you gave me
the form intended for FDR.Copy !req
106. You really like
Teeny Tiny Mo in the 5th?Copy !req
107. I went 4 for 6 yesterday.Copy !req
108. You want winners,
cure me first.Copy !req
109. "Are you generally satisfied
with your life?"Copy !req
110. It does not ask that.Copy !req
111. You know,
I was going to askCopy !req
112. what a respectable doctor
was doing in an OTB parlor.Copy !req
113. Somehow that question
doesn't seem relevant anymore.Copy !req
114. - What's your excuse?
- Turns me on.Copy !req
115. Yeah?
What else turns you on?Copy !req
116. Drugs?Copy !req
117. Casual sex?Copy !req
118. Rough sex?Copy !req
119. Casual rough sex?Copy !req
120. I'm a doctor.
I need to know.Copy !req
121. No sex.Copy !req
122. Just moved here.Copy !req
123. Haven't even found a job yet.
Don't know anybody.Copy !req
124. Came here without a job.Copy !req
125. That means
you didn't move here.Copy !req
126. You moved away
from somewhere else.Copy !req
127. Whew.Copy !req
128. - Does that hurt?
- No.Copy !req
129. You on prescription meds?
Hormones? Prednisone?Copy !req
130. I already answered that one.
I think it was question
number 20-something.Copy !req
131. Yeah, and I could
reach down and get it,Copy !req
132. but that would kind of
spoil the whole cool move.Copy !req
133. I'm not on any medications.Copy !req
134. - You vegetarian?
- No. Why?Copy !req
135. Because you might have something
called Cushing's Syndrome.Copy !req
136. Which basically means...Copy !req
137. My pituitary
is overproducing ACTH,Copy !req
138. which is causing
my adrenal glandsCopy !req
139. to push too much cortisol
into my bloodstream.Copy !req
140. By coincidence,Copy !req
141. I'm a doctor too.Copy !req
142. Yeah, I had it last year.Copy !req
143. They did brain surgery.Copy !req
144. Removed an adenoma
from my pituitary.Copy !req
145. Huh?Copy !req
146. What did you just say?Copy !req
147. "You were right, House,
her pituitary tumor regrew.Copy !req
148. It is Cushing's.
Uncanny how you do that."Copy !req
149. Actually, it was
Cameron's idea.Copy !req
150. No, Cameron
had three ideas.Copy !req
151. I chose one
to encourage, to nurture.Copy !req
152. Yeah, you're all about
the nurturing.Copy !req
153. Do you need a hug?Copy !req
154. I don't see any regrowth.Copy !req
155. You get a medical records
fax over?Copy !req
156. Work smart, not hard.
That's my philosophy, boss.Copy !req
157. I'll take that as a no.Copy !req
158. Anica, I need you to
stay completely still.Copy !req
159. Sorry.Copy !req
160. Still don't see anything.Copy !req
161. Okay, so it's a micro adenoma,
too small to see.Copy !req
162. It's so small,
it's not even there.Copy !req
163. Right, it's just a coincidence that
I predicted a rare condition that
she happened to have a year ago.Copy !req
164. Results from her LP back yet?Copy !req
165. Didn't do an LP.
I knew what she had.Copy !req
166. Window Closed
[control panel: open_winMRI-1]Copy !req
167. Go do the LP.Copy !req
168. Okay, I need you to roll over
on your side, kiss your kneecaps.Copy !req
169. Party time.Copy !req
170. I thought it only took
one doctor to do this.
I'm observing.Copy !req
171. She's here to make sure
I don't paralyze you.Copy !req
172. You've done this
before, right?Copy !req
173. Successfully?Copy !req
174. He's kidding.
He's an excellent doctor.Copy !req
175. I'm gonna numb the area
with some lidocaine.Copy !req
176. And then we're off to the races.
See what I did there?Copy !req
177. I used horse racing jargon
to make the patient
feel more comfortable.Copy !req
178. Okay, here we go.Copy !req
179. Ow!Copy !req
180. Felt like bone.
Does that hurt?Copy !req
181. A little bit.
What are you doing? Oww!Copy !req
182. Try running your back a bit more.Copy !req
183. Perfect is the way you are.Copy !req
184. - Oops. That was all me.Copy !req
185. Ow!Copy !req
186. Might wanna move down
one vertebrae.Copy !req
187. This is actually much harder
than I remember.Copy !req
188. Ohh!Copy !req
189. My chest feels
a little tight.Copy !req
190. Try taking a deep breath.Copy !req
191. Dr. House, maybe
I should take it from here.Copy !req
192. Eighth time's the charm.Copy !req
193. Aah!Copy !req
194. You trying
to piss off Foreman?Copy !req
195. Let...Copy !req
196. EP's 240 over 140.Copy !req
197. Turn that thing off, will you?Copy !req
198. Take the needle out.Copy !req
199. - Take the needle out!
- Okay!Copy !req
200. It's a hypertensive crisis.
Start her on an IV Lopressor drip.Copy !req
201. Titrate to systolic
less than 140. She'll be fine.Copy !req
202. Cameron, meet me
in my office.Copy !req
203. At the risk of
sounding redundant...Copy !req
204. and right... again...Copy !req
205. she has Cushing's.Copy !req
206. Cushing's.Copy !req
207. Right... the fact that
you mangled her LP
has nothing to do with it?Copy !req
208. Actually, it has
everything to do with it.Copy !req
209. Cushing's plus stress
equals hypertensive crisis.Copy !req
210. Smart move,
sending the rookie.Copy !req
211. Her initial symptoms
could have been caused
by alcohol-induced DIC.Copy !req
212. She hada hypertensive crisis
because it's been at least six hours
since she hadher last drink.Copy !req
213. She's detoxing.Copy !req
214. The exact same moment
that I'm futilely trying
to give her an LP?Copy !req
215. Right, an invisible tumor
on her pituitary
is much more likely.Copy !req
216. What if the tumor is
somewhere else?Copy !req
217. There could be an
ACTH-secreting tumor
on her lung or pancreas.Copy !req
218. It's awfully rare.Copy !req
219. Not as rare as
an invisible tumor.Copy !req
220. Why didn't they put you
in charge instead of Foreman?Copy !req
221. Oh, yeah, you're the guy
that killed that woman.Copy !req
222. Get a pan-man scan
before she dies of cortisol OD.Copy !req
223. Please?Copy !req
224. Fine, do it.Copy !req
225. But when you
don't find anything,Copy !req
226. put her on a Librium taper
for the withdrawal and
get her a bed in a rehab clinic.Copy !req
227. Lungs look clean.Copy !req
228. Her lymph node's
not enlarged.Copy !req
229. Cuddy tapped Foreman
to run the department.Copy !req
230. - I didn't even get asked.
- Neither did I.Copy !req
231. - You were suspended.
- I was kidding.Copy !req
232. It's the irony of women in charge.
They don't like other women in charge.Copy !req
233. Hmph!Copy !req
234. What? You think
it's something else?Copy !req
235. You sabotaged yourself.Copy !req
236. You went on a date with House.
You slept with me.Copy !req
237. Putting you in charge of this department is
like a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen.Copy !req
238. Yeah. They're really worried
that I'm gonna create
a hostile work environment.Copy !req
239. Maybe that's the problem.Copy !req
240. Being in charge means
having to say "no" to House.Copy !req
241. Would you hire you for that?Copy !req
242. Anderson coming out strong.Copy !req
243. What is he thinking?
He watched what Tom Meents just did.Copy !req
244. You ordered MRIs for
the entire maternity ward?Copy !req
245. I was in a crazy mood.Copy !req
246. Good thing I got
a new boss to back me up.Copy !req
247. Although I think one of those
is actually necessary.Copy !req
248. Better comb through
before you cancel them all.Copy !req
249. What do you expect me
to do, House?Copy !req
250. Quit? Cry?Copy !req
251. Actually, I expect you
to act like what you are.Copy !req
252. My employee.
My subordinate.Copy !req
253. My bitch.Copy !req
254. Yeah. Well, since
you asked nicely—Copy !req
255. God. I can't believe I got
more than a year behindCopy !req
256. on my discharge summaries.
Gotta get caught up.Copy !req
257. Oh, no. Wait.Copy !req
258. I'm not authorized
to sign these anymore.
Only you are.Copy !req
259. Keep it coming.
I'm not gonna break.Copy !req
260. Scan showed a mass
on her pancreas.Copy !req
261. It looks malignant.
Probably inoperable.Copy !req
262. I'd give her two months.Copy !req
263. On the bright side,
it still means I was right.Copy !req
264. Where's Dr. House?Copy !req
265. Dr. Foreman's
overseeing your case.Copy !req
266. He thought it'd be best
if I spoke with you.Copy !req
267. We found a mass
in your pancreas.Copy !req
268. It looks like cancer.Copy !req
269. So something in my pancreas
caused me to have a seizure?Copy !req
270. P robably.
But the bigger point is...Copy !req
271. A one year survival rate for
pancreatic cancer is less than 20%.Copy !req
272. So what's the treatment?Copy !req
273. We need to biopsy the mass
to see what we're dealing with. And...Copy !req
274. Then we can recommend
options from there.Copy !req
275. Sounds good.Copy !req
276. I need your consent
to do the biopsy.Copy !req
277. Thanks.Copy !req
278. Wish me luck.Copy !req
279. Good luck.Copy !req
280. It was weird.
She barely reacted at all.Copy !req
281. I've had people hug meCopy !req
282. and people take
a swing at me.Copy !req
283. This was more like
she didn't even hear me.Copy !req
284. Magnify three times.Copy !req
285. House assisting.
That is funny.Copy !req
286. Too bad Foreman's gonna die.Copy !req
287. Good afternoon.Copy !req
288. I'm Dr. House.Copy !req
289. I'm going to be
looking at your...Copy !req
290. Perfect.Copy !req
291. Excuse me.Copy !req
292. I need Dr. Foreman in
Exam Room One for a consult.Copy !req
293. So, when did this start?Copy !req
294. A couple weeks ago.Copy !req
295. I didn't want
to get pregnant.Copy !req
296. Jake's not into rubbers,
so I got on the jelly.Copy !req
297. You think I'm allergic
or something?Copy !req
298. You have an infection.
Gonna need a sample.Copy !req
299. I brought the jar.Copy !req
300. No, I meant
a sample of your...Copy !req
301. Okay. We have
a neurological problem here.Copy !req
302. There's something wrong
with my brain?Copy !req
303. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
304. You can cover yourself up.
I got what I need.Copy !req
305. What's up?Copy !req
306. Smell this.Copy !req
307. Smells like vaginosis.Copy !req
308. But it's not
really my call.Copy !req
309. Great. I'll be sure
to put a gold star
by your name on the board.Copy !req
310. Anica's biopsy
for pancreatic cancerCopy !req
311. was negative.Copy !req
312. Okay. I'm gonna give you
some antibioticsCopy !req
313. and you probably shouldn't
have sex for a while.Copy !req
314. How long?Copy !req
315. On an evolutionary basis,
I'd recommend forever.Copy !req
316. The mass in the
pancreas is benign.Copy !req
317. It's probably
just scar tissue.Copy !req
318. Good news. She's not sick at all.
Other than being an alcoholic.Copy !req
319. The labs you sent
yesterday put her ACTH at
64 pico-grams per milliliter.Copy !req
320. She's got Cushing's.
Something set it off.Copy !req
321. It's gotta be in her brain.Copy !req
322. Set her up
for a venous sampling.Copy !req
323. There is another possibility.Copy !req
324. Chase, hold on.Copy !req
325. How'd you get him
trained so fast?Copy !req
326. Electronic collar?Copy !req
327. Got treats in your pocket?Copy !req
328. She didn't even
read the consent form
for the pancreatic biopsy.Copy !req
329. Who reads those things?Copy !req
330. Maybe she didn't read it
because she KNEW that
there was nothing wrong with her.Copy !req
331. There is another explanation
for the Cushing's. Maybe she
injected herself with the ACTH.Copy !req
332. Her behavior suggests
Munchausen's.Copy !req
333. She's had four hospitalizations
in the last four months.Copy !req
334. Well, being hospitalized a lot
certainly points to nothing
being wrong with you.Copy !req
335. She's had zero symptoms
since she got here.Copy !req
336. The scarring on her pancreas could be be
caused from injecting herself with
the benzene and setting off the seizures.Copy !req
337. She's had brain surgery.Copy !req
338. You can fake a stomach ache.
You can't fake a brain tumor.Copy !req
339. You can fake
an invisible one.Copy !req
340. We should check her apartment.
Look for medications, syringes.Copy !req
341. - Venous sampling's easier.
- And more dangerous.Copy !req
342. Not if you get caught breaking in.Copy !req
343. So don't get caught, House.Copy !req
344. Why do you think
Cuddy picked Foreman over me?Copy !req
345. If I done something wrong
or if there's something
I needed to improve on...Copy !req
346. Would it make you shut up
if I told you she wanted someone black?Copy !req
347. How would you describe
my leadership skills?Copy !req
348. Nonexistent.
Otherwise excellent.Copy !req
349. There's more to being
a leader than being a jerk.Copy !req
350. The world will never know.Copy !req
351. No. No way.Copy !req
352. - It just snowed.
- Yesterday.Copy !req
353. The streets are clear.Copy !req
354. My car is right there.Copy !req
355. There's construction on Elm.
Bike'll be faster.Copy !req
356. There's even books
in the bathroom.Copy !req
357. Well, either she's very smart or
she has a severe fiber deficiency.Copy !req
358. "Tuesday 1 pm Opthalmologist, Dr. Peterson"
"Thursday 10 am Gynecologist, Dr. Lachowicz"Copy !req
359. She's got an appointment
with her ophthalmologist on TuesdayCopy !req
360. and an appointment with
her gynecologist on Thursday.Copy !req
361. Multiple appointments
with multiple doctors.Copy !req
362. Symptom of Munchausen's.Copy !req
363. Or, just thinking outside the box here,
she has a vagina and trouble reading.Copy !req
364. There's three pairs of reading glasses.
Each with different prescriptions.Copy !req
365. Which would be
explained by a tumor
pressing on the optic nerve.Copy !req
366. Because you're looking
for her to have a tumor.Copy !req
367. And you are looking for...Copy !req
368. A person with
Munchausen's SyndromeCopy !req
369. drinks battery acid.
They don't go to an ophthalmologist
to get their pupils dilated.Copy !req
370. An ophthalmologist is a doctor.
Attention is attention.Copy !req
371. How many hospitals
have you contacted?Copy !req
372. Has one doctor said she's crazy?
It's not Munchausen's.Copy !req
373. It's not your call.Copy !req
374. If you think she's got Munchausen's,
then obviously you got
something to show the man.Copy !req
375. A syringe in her apartment.
A bottle of ACTH.Copy !req
376. Munchausen patients are good
at covering their tracks.Copy !req
377. Oh, right. So the fact
that we found nothingCopy !req
378. proves there's something.Copy !req
379. Look at the pathology reports
from the surgery she had in Chicago.Copy !req
380. They removed 30% of her pituitary.Copy !req
381. They found no tumor.Copy !req
382. It's possible
the surgeons just missed it.Copy !req
383. In that kind of surgery,
you're just cutting and hoping.Copy !req
384. Of course! We're both right.
Excellent solution. Everybody's happy.Copy !req
385. Come on.
Step up, Foreman.Copy !req
386. If you think I'm right,
order me to stick a needle in her brain.Copy !req
387. If you think Cameron's right,
send the patient home.Copy !req
388. Either she'll be fine,
or she'll die.Copy !req
389. Do the venous sampling.
Get her consent.Copy !req
390. Nice move, boss.
Way to cover your ass.Copy !req
391. I just agreed with you.Copy !req
392. Not because
you think I'm right.Copy !req
393. You're just taking
the safe route.Copy !req
394. You're a wuss.Copy !req
395. Don't worry.
Your secret's safe with me.Copy !req
396. Hey, Wilson!
Guess what Foreman just did?Copy !req
397. Hi.Copy !req
398. This is a consent form
to stick a wire into your brain.Copy !req
399. It's important for hospitals to
get these signed for procedures
that are completely unnecessary.Copy !req
400. Then why are you doing it?Copy !req
401. Because you're mentally ill.Copy !req
402. You injected yourself
with ACTH to induce Cushing's
to get attention from doctors.Copy !req
403. And so far it's worked.Copy !req
404. I'd like to see
another doctor.Copy !req
405. I'm not giving you
what you want?Copy !req
406. I don't want a bitch.Copy !req
407. Just sign the forms, okay,
and I'll get out of here.Copy !req
408. Hopefully for you, whatever
you injected yourself with
won't wear offCopy !req
409. before you get fun of
a caring and concerned doctor
cutting into your head.Copy !req
410. You chose me to make
House miserable, didn't you?Copy !req
411. Apparently he's
making YOU miserable.Copy !req
412. That's impressive.Copy !req
413. Find someone else.Copy !req
414. No.Copy !req
415. For the first time in six years
I'm getting copied on all
experimental tests and procedures.Copy !req
416. Clinic hours have been
logged and completed.Copy !req
417. You've given me four months
of House's dictationsCopy !req
418. so I can finally bill
insurance companies.Copy !req
419. I only did that stuff to prove
he couldn't make me miserable.Copy !req
420. Well, way to go.Copy !req
421. Now everybody's
getting what they need.
Even House.Copy !req
422. He gets to play mad scientist,
and this department runs smoothly.Copy !req
423. So I'm stuck with this
for the next three weeks.Copy !req
424. Maybe longer.Copy !req
425. Would you be interested
if this wasn't just pretend?Copy !req
426. What did Mommy say?Copy !req
427. I don't get any candy
in my stocking.Copy !req
428. Patient being prepped
for the venous sampling?Copy !req
429. Yeah.Copy !req
430. Mentally ill patient is
right on track for
a pointless procedure.Copy !req
431. Yeah, we get your objection.Copy !req
432. Foreman.Copy !req
433. Are you sure?Copy !req
434. That doesn't make any sense.
Check it again.Copy !req
435. Haw! We gotta delay
the venous sampling.Copy !req
436. Why?
Her urine turning orange?Copy !req
437. How would you know that?Copy !req
438. Because that's
what rifampin does.Copy !req
439. She's not on antibiotics?Copy !req
440. But if a Munchausen's patient
thinks she's about get busted,Copy !req
441. she sees pills labeled
"might cause seizures,"
she might grab a couple.Copy !req
442. And if that label were accidentally
on a bottle of antibioticsCopy !req
443. and if that bottle were
accidentally left in her room...Copy !req
444. - You set her up?
- Might have.Copy !req
445. It's Munchausen's.Copy !req
446. All that she did to herself.Copy !req
447. I don't know what the hell
you're talking about.Copy !req
448. I had a seizure.
I'm sick. I need your help.Copy !req
449. Not from this department.Copy !req
450. The half-life of rifampin is
three hours. After that,
you'll get your psych referralCopy !req
451. and your discharge papers.Copy !req
452. You know, just because
you stick your fingers
down your throatCopy !req
453. doesn't mean
the rest of us are screwed up.Copy !req
454. I guess when cooperation fails,
you move onto hostility.Copy !req
455. I didn't do this to myself.Copy !req
456. 100% commitment.Copy !req
457. Sign of a good liar.Copy !req
458. Also the sign of a sociopath.Copy !req
459. What are you doing?Copy !req
460. Correcting your last note.Copy !req
461. We can't discharge her,
she's sick.Copy !req
462. Anybody ever tell you
you write like a girl?Copy !req
463. What?Copy !req
464. You got some other explanation
for orange urine?Copy !req
465. - It's Munchausen's.
- Correct, but not complete.Copy !req
466. You just don't wanna admit
that she skunked you.Copy !req
467. At the end of
"The Boy Who Cried Wolf"Copy !req
468. the wolf really does come.Copy !req
469. And he eats the sheep
and the boy and his parents.Copy !req
470. - The wolf doesn't eat the parents.
- It does when I tell it.Copy !req
471. You're not telling
the story now. I am.Copy !req
472. Look, I checked her records.Copy !req
473. All her hospitalizations
were for different things.Copy !req
474. Brain tumor, fainting spells,
skin rashes, seizures.Copy !req
475. She's had every blood test
known to man and the results
were all over the map.Copy !req
476. There's only one constant.
Low HCT.Copy !req
477. The anemia's real.Copy !req
478. There's a million things
she could have taken
to have done that.Copy !req
479. True. Could just be her M.O.Copy !req
480. She self-induces two illnesses.
One always changes, one never does.Copy !req
481. Or maybe, she has
Munchausen's and aplastic anemia.Copy !req
482. Which would mean
without the proper treatment,
she'll continue to get sicker, weaker,Copy !req
483. eventually she'll start
bleeding internally and die.Copy !req
484. - She's not getting sicker.
- She will.Copy !req
485. If her bone marrow was dying,
the entire blood panel
would be affected.Copy !req
486. - Her white count's normal.
- So far.Copy !req
487. We need to do
a bone marrow biopsy.Copy !req
488. - No. No more tests.
- Look.Copy !req
489. You kick her to the curb
with a Munchausen's diagnosis,Copy !req
490. you're guaranteeing that
no doctor will ever listen to her again.Copy !req
491. We do more tests,
we'll only be feeding her psychosis.Copy !req
492. The more attention we give her,
the more she'll want.Copy !req
493. What if she doesn't know
we're testing her?Copy !req
494. House. You were wrong.
Live with it.Copy !req
495. There's probably some blood
left over from previous tests.Copy !req
496. Blood tests alone can't
confirm aplastic anemia.Copy !req
497. Yes, I know.
That's why I wanna
do a bone marrow biopsy.Copy !req
498. The blood tests could show
a systemic disease, or a virus
or toxin that could be the cause.Copy !req
499. Fine.
You wanna test the extra blood?
Knock yourself out.Copy !req
500. But the patient is off-limits.Copy !req
501. And if the results
are positive...Copy !req
502. I get my biopsy?Copy !req
503. It's a safe way to go.Copy !req
504. I need all of these tests
and a PCR done on this sample.Copy !req
505. You're gonna
need more blood.Copy !req
506. Patient's empty.Copy !req
507. Then I can't do it.Copy !req
508. You can try.Copy !req
509. I can try to look
like Salma Hayek.Copy !req
510. It's not gonna
make it happen.Copy !req
511. You may not have Salma's ass,
but she doesn't have your eyes.Copy !req
512. Yeah, right.Copy !req
513. How soon do you need it?Copy !req
514. Dr. Wilson. Can I talk to you
about something in confidence?Copy !req
515. Of course.Copy !req
516. - It's about House.
- Oh. Then no.Copy !req
517. Fine.Copy !req
518. I won't say anything.Copy !req
519. Do you think
there's any wayCopy !req
520. House would take me
seriously as his boss?Copy !req
521. Uh... where is this coming from?Copy !req
522. Did Cuddy say something?Copy !req
523. We talked.
She intimated.Copy !req
524. And you want my advice
on how to usurp him?Copy !req
525. It's very ancient Rome.
He'll need a toga, of course. A...Copy !req
526. sword.Copy !req
527. It's not a coup.Copy !req
528. I just wanna
figure out some way
we can work together.Copy !req
529. I mean, I keep the team running
from an administrative point of view.Copy !req
530. House doesn't have to
deal with the red tape.Copy !req
531. - It's a win-win.
- I'm sure he'll see it that way.Copy !req
532. You have any advice
on how to approach him,Copy !req
533. - how to deal with the guy?
- No.Copy !req
534. But you won't
tell him we talked?Copy !req
535. No.Copy !req
536. There is no way
this is gonna happen.Copy !req
537. Epstein-Barr titers
are through the roof.Copy !req
538. Most common viral cause
of aplastic anemia.Copy !req
539. So what I'm saying is...Copy !req
540. Fetal hemoglobin's
also elevated.Copy !req
541. Yeah, just a wee bit.Copy !req
542. - Could indicate...
- Uh, you see that in Sickle Cell.Copy !req
543. Not all Sickle Cell patients are black.Copy !req
544. None of her other blood panels
showed any sign of Sickle Cell.Copy !req
545. Which means either
something's changed
drastically since yesterday,Copy !req
546. - or this isn't her blood.
- Oh course it is!Copy !req
547. Metaphorically.Copy !req
548. Look, I couldn't
do the tests.Copy !req
549. I tried, and there wasn't
enough blood left over.Copy !req
550. You just let me do the biopsy.Copy !req
551. No way.Copy !req
552. I just got back
from a suspension.Copy !req
553. And if it wasn't for me,
you would have been fired.Copy !req
554. Why don't you just get
the sample yourself?Copy !req
555. Since when have you cared
what your boss said?Copy !req
556. I don't care what anybody says,
I care what they do.Copy !req
557. And right now,
Blackpoleon Blackaparte
has got the nurses on red alert.Copy !req
558. I can't get into
the patient's room.Copy !req
559. So come on.
I'll draw the enemy fire,Copy !req
560. you outflank them, get in there,
get the bone marrow sample.Copy !req
561. Can't.Copy !req
562. Who are you more afraid of?Copy !req
563. I'm not afraid of Foreman.
I agree with him.
All the tests back him up.Copy !req
564. All the tests
have not been done.Copy !req
565. You do realize that
Blackaparte's reign
is only temporary.Copy !req
566. I also realize that no matter what I do,
you're still gonna treat me like crap.Copy !req
567. Crap is a relative term.Copy !req
568. I never even made it
into the room.Copy !req
569. Nurses called the attending
as soon as a Trocar was ordered.Copy !req
570. You used her real name?Copy !req
571. I just processed
your patient's discharge papers.Copy !req
572. She's on her way out right now.Copy !req
573. Whoa! Whoa. Whoa.Copy !req
574. Wait up.Copy !req
575. It's all right.
She's gonna stay.Copy !req
576. - Wonderful.
- Oh, bite me!Copy !req
577. I don't need to hear
the riot act again.Copy !req
578. How would you like
another medical test?Copy !req
579. - What?
- Sit.Copy !req
580. Why?Copy !req
581. So you don't crack your skull
when you pass out.Copy !req
582. Just do it.Copy !req
583. - You know what colchicine is?
- No.Copy !req
584. Well, don't feel bad.
It's for gout.Copy !req
585. It's got nothing to do with anything
you've ever pretended to have.Copy !req
586. - I'm not pretending...
- Shut up.Copy !req
587. Colchicine decimates
your white blood cellsCopy !req
588. and leaves almost no trace.Copy !req
589. It's great for faking
your way into hospitals.Copy !req
590. - I didn't fake my way...
- Shut up.Copy !req
591. You've been doing this for years.Copy !req
592. Don't worry,
it's probably not your fault.Copy !req
593. When you were a kid,
you had a close relative
who had a chronic disease,Copy !req
594. probably your sister.Copy !req
595. You saw all the attention she got
while you were left alone, ignored.Copy !req
596. And it really seriously
screwed you up.Copy !req
597. - I do not have a relative...
- Shut up!Copy !req
598. I'm trying to give you
what you want.Copy !req
599. And save your life.Copy !req
600. You have aplastic anemia.Copy !req
601. What, are you trying
to scare me now?Copy !req
602. It means you're
not just sick in the head.Copy !req
603. The problem is,
the rest of you appears well.Copy !req
604. So I've got to make you seem
as sick as you're supposed to beCopy !req
605. by injecting you with a drugCopy !req
606. that simulates the symptoms
that you actually have.Copy !req
607. All you need to know is...Copy !req
608. you've hit
the Munchausen's jackpot.Copy !req
609. I'm gonna give you
a cocktail of insulin
for a seizureCopy !req
610. and colchicine
to kill your white count,Copy !req
611. this will absolutely confirm
my diagnosis of aplastic anemia.Copy !req
612. There is one... small catch.Copy !req
613. If you've actually done something
to yourself to cause the anemia,Copy !req
614. then I'm wrong.Copy !req
615. And if I do what I plan to do,Copy !req
616. then the treatment will kill you
instead of saving you.Copy !req
617. So I need to know.Copy !req
618. Have you been taking anything
besides the insulin, the ACTH,Copy !req
619. and the pills Cameron
left in your room?Copy !req
620. No.Copy !req
621. Good.Copy !req
622. Give me your arm.Copy !req
623. It was my mom.Copy !req
624. She had MS.Copy !req
625. She was in and out
of hospitals all the time.Copy !req
626. People were always
trying to do things for her.Copy !req
627. Bring her food
or brush her hair, or...Copy !req
628. make her happy.Copy !req
629. People cared.Copy !req
630. She died when I was 16.Copy !req
631. Then there was no one.Copy !req
632. Boo hoo.Copy !req
633. Where are you going?Copy !req
634. Well, I obviously can't
be around when it happens.Copy !req
635. Well, what are you gonna do?
You're just gonna...Copy !req
636. Relax.
You know the drill.Copy !req
637. People walk by here
all the time. You'll be fine.Copy !req
638. So, barely out the door
and she has another seizure.Copy !req
639. She must've somehow
grabbed insulin on her way out.Copy !req
640. Once she's stable, we need to
get her out of here before
she does more damage to herself.Copy !req
641. We can't.Copy !req
642. Her white count's down.Copy !req
643. Sorry, I missed that.Copy !req
644. Hearing's been off since
the Ricky Martin concert.Copy !req
645. Some cholo kicked me in the head.Copy !req
646. White count, hematocrit,
and platelets are all off.Copy !req
647. Her bone marrow's shutting down.
She actually has aplastic anemia.Copy !req
648. Say what?Copy !req
649. All her other labs show
nothing that would...Copy !req
650. Labs, schmabs.
A good diagnostician
reads between the labs.Copy !req
651. You were right.Copy !req
652. Hey, hey, hey.
We're not here to
play the blame game.Copy !req
653. These things happen.Copy !req
654. Sometimes doctors send
people out on the street to dieCopy !req
655. after other doctors warn them
that they're sending people
out on the street to die.Copy !req
656. There's no way you could know.Copy !req
657. I'll go give her the news.Copy !req
658. Who are you?Copy !req
659. I'm Dr. Foreman.
I'm in charge of your case.Copy !req
660. You have aplastic anemia.Copy !req
661. Which means your
bone marrow has shut down.Copy !req
662. And your body can't
make new blood anymore.Copy !req
663. Are you sure?Copy !req
664. I went back and
checked your old records.Copy !req
665. It makes sense.Copy !req
666. The aplastic anemia's apparently
been developing for months.Copy !req
667. I'm sorry,
we should've caught it earlier.Copy !req
668. So...Copy !req
669. It's not just the latest white count
that's leading you to feel this...Copy !req
670. I know this is scary.Copy !req
671. But a bone marrow transplant
could cure you.Copy !req
672. A marrow transplant
could kill me.Copy !req
673. The other option is
weekly blood transfusions.Copy !req
674. Injections of GCSF.Copy !req
675. - It's a life-long regimen.
- Yeah, I don't want that.Copy !req
676. Are you sure?Copy !req
677. I-I don't want to
be cruel here, but...Copy !req
678. you jumped through a lot of hoops
to get this sort of attention.Copy !req
679. I just wanna be healthy.Copy !req
680. It's not so much fun
when you're actually sick.Copy !req
681. No.Copy !req
682. We'll um...
we'll check the registry.Copy !req
683. See if there's a donor match.Copy !req
684. Thank you.Copy !req
685. We have to kill all the old bone marrow
before we give you the new stuff.Copy !req
686. You'll have no immune system.Copy !req
687. We'll keep you in a sterile room
for two weeks to make sure
everything's dead.Copy !req
688. Then we'll give you
the donor marrow.Copy !req
689. It'll take another couple of weeks
until it takes hold.Copy !req
690. You won't feel a thing.Copy !req
691. If you get uncomfortable for any reason
or need to talk, don't yell.Copy !req
692. Walls are four inches thick. Lead.Copy !req
693. Use the microphone.Copy !req
694. Are you ready?Copy !req
695. Okay.Copy !req
696. Where's Dr. House?Copy !req
697. Turn it off.Copy !req
698. Now what?Copy !req
699. How long has she been in there?Copy !req
700. Three minutes.
What's going on?Copy !req
701. She doesn't have
aplastic anemia.Copy !req
702. She has an infection.Copy !req
703. No. Her white count
would be through the roof.
Hers is one the floor.Copy !req
704. - Well, the body does crazy things.
- "The body does crazy things."Copy !req
705. Well, that explains everything.Copy !req
706. She had no fever.Copy !req
707. 'Cause her self-inflicted Cushing's
suppressed her immune system.Copy !req
708. Stopped her from having a fever.
Hid the infection.Copy !req
709. Clostridium perfringens
could cause the bruises,
schistocytes, the anemia...Copy !req
710. Explains everything
except the white count.Copy !req
711. Augmentin is a lot safer than
destroying her immune system.
Why don't we try that?Copy !req
712. Ww-you're taking
the safe course?Copy !req
713. What's going on?Copy !req
714. There's lots of explanations
for a low white count.Copy !req
715. Name one that fits her case.Copy !req
716. Colchicine.Copy !req
717. I figure that she'd gotten
her hands on it and, uh,
just self-medicated.Copy !req
718. That's brilliant of her!Copy !req
719. Take the exact medication that
would confirm your diagnosis.Copy !req
720. People do crazy things.Copy !req
721. You injected her against her will
just so you could be right?Copy !req
722. - She consented.
- She's mentally ill!Copy !req
723. But she smells oh so sweet.Copy !req
724. She would've gotten sicker
when I said she was gonna get sicker,Copy !req
725. except Cameron dosed her
with antibiotics. Just hold this.Copy !req
726. - Is everything okay?
- Pull my finger.Copy !req
727. Grapey.Copy !req
728. You have a bacterium.Copy !req
729. It's on all of us. But...Copy !req
730. the bruises you gave yourself
with the Cushing's made a lovely home.Copy !req
731. Bacteria moved in,Copy !req
732. parked their cars on the lawn.
There goes the neighborhood.Copy !req
733. By "neighborhood"
I mean your internal organs.Copy !req
734. So, should we put her
on the Augmentin, boss?Copy !req
735. Or do you think she injected
herself with grapes?Copy !req
736. I love the smell of pus
in the morning.Copy !req
737. Smells like...Copy !req
738. victory.Copy !req
739. If you were serious
about the offer,Copy !req
740. I'm serious
about accepting.Copy !req
741. I'd like to run
the department.Copy !req
742. And you said it yourself,
things run smooth.Copy !req
743. Except for the part where
House went behind your backCopy !req
744. and KO'd the patient
with insulin and colchicine.Copy !req
745. There was no reason
to suspect an infection.Copy !req
746. Even House didn't think
it was an infection.Copy !req
747. You would've done
the same thing I did.Copy !req
748. And I'd be just as wrong.Copy !req
749. What House did was insane.
But he saved her life.Copy !req
750. He got lucky.Copy !req
751. He got her to admit
she's got a problem.Copy !req
752. She's agreed to
out-patient treatment.Copy !req
753. He gets lucky a lot.Copy !req
754. Did you ever really
intend to give me this job?Copy !req
755. Or were you just trying to
stop me from stepping down?Copy !req
756. You've got
two more weeks in charge.Copy !req
757. Hopefully the next case
will go better.Copy !req
758. She should've died.Copy !req
759. House is not a hero.Copy !req
760. A person who has the guts
to break a bad rule,Copy !req
761. they're a hero.Copy !req
762. House doesn't break rules.
He ignores them.Copy !req
763. He's not Rosa Parks.Copy !req
764. He's an anarchist.Copy !req
765. All he stands for is the rightCopy !req
766. for everyone to grab
whatever they want
whenever they want.Copy !req
767. You tell doctors that's okay,Copy !req
768. your mortality rate is
gonna go through the roof.Copy !req
769. Kinda digging this whole
Foreman-in-charge thing.Copy !req
770. You know.Copy !req
771. It frees me up
to watch my soaps.Copy !req
772. Catch a movie
in the afternoon.Copy !req
773. Have lunch with you.Copy !req
774. Yeah, that's
a big change for you.Copy !req
775. Now Cuddy's up
Foreman's ass, not mine.Copy !req
776. You couldn't live
with Foreman as your boss.Copy !req
777. Why not?Copy !req
778. People can change, you know.Copy !req
779. - White count is way down.
- Oh.Copy !req
780. We're going to need to admit you.
Just run a few more tests.Copy !req
781. Whatever you think is best.Copy !req
782. Last race at the Belmont.
Put it all on the 5. To win.Copy !req