1. And the only thing wrong...Copy !req
2. the only thing wrong
with the American dream is people.Copy !req
3. Too many people. Too many of us telling
young people that the dream is dead.Copy !req
4. They told me that when I was growing up
in the slums of Trenton, and they were wrong.Copy !req
5. They told me that
when I decided to run for SenatorCopy !req
6. with only $58 in my savings account
and they were wrong!Copy !req
7. And they are still telling me that now,
that I don't have a chance:Copy !req
8. because I'm black,
because I don't have the right nose,Copy !req
9. because I still have only $58
in my savings account.Copy !req
10. With your help, we can keep that dream alive.Copy !req
11. And in closing...Copy !req
12. just... let me say...Copy !req
13. Let ME say that you should all
donate the legal maximum to
the next President of the United States!Copy !req
14. Are you okay, do you need some water or something?Copy !req
15. No, no, I'm fine, I'm fine, really.Copy !req
16. A handsome guy like you,
I bet you get 70% of the women.Copy !req
17. Heh, here's hoping.Copy !req
18. Of course, it helps
your wife died of cancer.Copy !req
19. I mean, I'm sorry,
but the sympathy vote's in your pocket.Copy !req
20. Yeah, I appreciate your support.Copy !req
21. Listen, Senator,
my union has a hell of a war chest.Copy !req
22. Um, I've always been strong on the union.Copy !req
23. The thing is, you always go on
in your speeches about the workers
in Indonesia, Cambodia, Timbuktu...Copy !req
24. Because I think we have... a moral, uh...Copy !req
25. My union members are hurting.Copy !req
26. They don't care about moral this or moral that.
Are you all right?Copy !req
27. Senator?Copy !req
28. Hey!Copy !req
29. The guys are gonna love that.Copy !req
30. Tell him to breathe!
Give him some room!Copy !req
31. Senator, are you all right?Copy !req
32. 1X17: ROLE MODELCopy !req
33. Original Airdate on FOX: April 12, 2005Copy !req
34. The Senator's suffering from nausea,
headache, and mental confusion.Copy !req
35. Yeah, bad sushi is so hard to diagnose.Copy !req
36. You're being childish.Copy !req
37. Look, if his case is as trivial as you think
it'll take you three minutes to diagnose him.Copy !req
38. Nope. I never liked
Cameron or Foreman.Copy !req
39. Do you know why I'm forcing
you to fire one of them?Copy !req
40. Because you need to prove to me
that you're a team player.
Now, if you did that,Copy !req
41. you wouldn't need to
go through this exercise.Copy !req
42. Fine. I'll hold the Senator's hair
while he upchucks.Copy !req
43. Oh, and by the way,Copy !req
44. I need you to give a speech at
the National Cardiology Conference. Next week.Copy !req
45. I don't do speeches. I'm shy.Copy !req
46. Eastbrook Pharmaceuticals has
developed a new ACE inhibitor.Copy !req
47. I would like you to extol the virtues
of this breakthrough medication.Copy !req
48. Eastbrook Pharmaceuticals...Copy !req
49. wait a second,
don't I own that company?Copy !req
50. Oh, no, that's right, you do.Copy !req
51. Viopril is a significant improvement
over the old version.Copy !req
52. All there in study.Copy !req
53. I know its price tag is
significantly improved.Copy !req
54. You can either give one ten minute talk
and one three minute diagnosis
or you can fire one of your pets.Copy !req
55. My understanding was that
you believed in rationality above all else.Copy !req
56. Viopril...Copy !req
57. I appreciate your keeping the media way.Copy !req
58. We're keeping your staff away as well.Copy !req
59. You're taking it easy, now.Copy !req
60. I'm in the middle of a campaign.Copy !req
61. The fast we can get you better,
the faster you can get out of here.Copy !req
62. Anyone else at the fundraiser get sick?Copy !req
63. I don't think so.
And I don't think that's it,Copy !req
64. I've been under the weather
for weeks, you know.Copy !req
65. Lots of traveling, supposed to be
in the Sudan next week.Copy !req
66. Ho!Copy !req
67. Helps me concentrate.Copy !req
68. Even better than drugs.Copy !req
69. Open your mouth, please.Copy !req
70. Ahhhh.Copy !req
71. That's quite a scar.Copy !req
72. When I was six,
I fell off the swings and bit my tongue.Copy !req
73. Couldn't talk right
for the longest time.Copy !req
74. Lots of teasing.Copy !req
75. But, you know,
it just made me fight harder,
speak up for those who can't.Copy !req
76. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tongues heal too fast.Copy !req
77. Your political consultants
have written you a nice story.Copy !req
78. In a tight race the lispers alone
could put you over the top.Copy !req
79. You a Republican, or
you just hate all politicians?Copy !req
80. I just find being forced to
sit through drivel annoying.Copy !req
81. You find sincerity annoying.Copy !req
82. You're a black kid from the ghetto
who made it to Yale Law and
the United States Senate.Copy !req
83. That's a sufficiently mythical story,
you don't need to lie about your tongue.Copy !req
84. Must have missed it.Copy !req
85. What's wrong?Copy !req
86. What is it?Copy !req
87. It's not the food.
It's your brain.Copy !req
88. Get an MRI and
a lumbar puncture.Copy !req
89. Cancel your travel plans.Copy !req
90. The LP showed no sign of infection
and the MRI was fairly clean.Copy !req
91. I guess we can tell him
he's fairly healthy and can go home.Copy !req
92. Well, there is something in Broca's area,
but it's small, low intensity.Copy !req
93. Most likely just background nose.Copy !req
94. Care to bet your job on that?Copy !req
95. What was that?Copy !req
96. What was what?Copy !req
97. You got annoyed.Copy !req
98. That was clearly an annoyed face.Copy !req
99. I get annoyed by glib remarks
about our futures.Copy !req
100. But last week you didn't get annoyed,
you made poopie in your pants.Copy !req
101. It's weird, it's almost like now you know
you have nothing to worry about.Copy !req
102. Chase has nothing to worry about?Copy !req
103. None of you has anything to worry about.Copy !req
104. What happened?Copy !req
105. Vogler saw the error
of his ways and repented.Copy !req
106. The lesion could be nothing.Copy !req
107. It could also be
a brain tumor or infection.Copy !req
108. There's only one way
to find out which.Copy !req
109. You wanna cut into his brain.Copy !req
110. Dangerous, I know.Copy !req
111. Especially as he's a politician,
his brain's all twisted.Copy !req
112. But I weighed that against the risk
of him stroking out before lunch.Copy !req
113. Call surgery, get it scheduled.Copy !req
114. You're not pregnant.Copy !req
115. Well, I told you that.Copy !req
116. But there's gotta be some other
reason I'm still spotting.Copy !req
117. Sure. You were pregnant.Copy !req
118. Based on your hormone levels, you had a miscarriage.Copy !req
119. I haven't even been on a date.Copy !req
120. Right, since it's physically
impossible to have sex
without someone buying you dinner.Copy !req
121. I haven't had sex
since I split up with my husband.Copy !req
122. That was almost a year ago.Copy !req
123. Fine, have it your way.
Immaculate conception.Copy !req
124. Um, what do I do?Copy !req
125. Well, it's obvious.Copy !req
126. Start a religion.Copy !req
127. In my office.Copy !req
128. Afternoon delight.
She just loves the hard wood.Copy !req
129. You're not doing a brain biopsy
based on a spot on a MRI.Copy !req
130. Where'd you get that?Copy !req
131. Not on an United States Senator.Copy !req
132. Oh, just so I'm clear, if he was a janitor, that would be okay.Copy !req
133. Do you have a list?Copy !req
134. A brain biopsy can cause
permanent neurological damage.Copy !req
135. Uh huh, whereas tumors are
really good for brains,
make 'em grow big and strong.Copy !req
136. It's my call.Copy !req
137. No, it's not.Copy !req
138. You're pulling rank
on patient care?Copy !req
139. It's not my call, either.Copy !req
140. It's up to you.Copy !req
141. Either it's a tumor or it's an infection
that the lumbar puncture didn't pick up.Copy !req
142. Either way, if we don't treat it
immediately, it could kill you.Copy !req
143. Or it could be nothing.
Reading brain MRIs is not an exact science.Copy !req
144. W-what caused my s-symptoms?Copy !req
145. Wow, excellent question.
Many doctors wouldn't have gone there.Copy !req
146. It could be a transient ischemic attack.Copy !req
147. You could make the argument
for watching carefully for the time being.Copy !req
148. Mmm, but you'd only make
that argument if you were an
administrator covering your own ass.Copy !req
149. That's absurd, and insulting.Copy !req
150. Insulting, yes.Copy !req
151. W-what will the voters think?Copy !req
152. If they find out
I've had a b-brain biopsy?Copy !req
153. This could leave you b-b-b-b-brain damaged,
and you're worried about NASCAR dads?Copy !req
154. It's not a brain tumor.Copy !req
155. It's not a bacterial infection, either.Copy !req
156. So you biopsied his brain for nothing.Copy !req
157. If that were true,
would Dr. Wilson's mouth be
contorted into that ugly little shape?Copy !req
158. It's toxoplasmosis.Copy !req
159. You sure?Copy !req
160. Which means the Great Black Hope
has full-blown AIDS.Copy !req
161. They're gonna love that in Dubuque.Copy !req
162. Toxoplasmosis is a fairly common fungus you can get from eating undercooked meat or touching cat feces.Copy !req
163. In rare cases the fungi travel up
the blood stream and into the brain
causing a lesion or inflammation.Copy !req
164. So, what's the prognosis?Copy !req
165. Toxo usually responds to treatment,Copy !req
166. but it only causes a lesion in your brain if your immune system is extremely weak to begin with.Copy !req
167. Senator, I'm afraid you have AIDS.Copy !req
168. - As I'm sure...
- No!Copy !req
169. As I'm sure you know,
people with HIV can live a long time.Copy !req
170. What else could do this to me?Copy !req
171. Theoretically, certain cancers...Copy !req
172. If you have toxo in your brain,
you have AIDS.Copy !req
173. I do not have AIDS.Copy !req
174. I don't sh-sh-shoot up drugs,
I don't sl-sleep with...Copy !req
175. This is very bad news.
I get that, and I sympathize.Copy !req
176. But we've gotta speed through
the denial phase because you need
antiretrovirals and you need them fast.Copy !req
177. But... you haven't even
tested me for HIV!Copy !req
178. We will.Copy !req
179. But the toxo drugs are going to piss off
your fungi, and when fungi get pissed...Copy !req
180. I am not gonna take the pills.Copy !req
181. You're afraid word will leak out.Copy !req
182. Trust me, you're not going to be
President either way.Copy !req
183. They don't call it the White House
because of the paint job.Copy !req
184. Here's what you're gonna do.Copy !req
185. You're going to give me
the drugs for the toxo only.Copy !req
186. You are going to test me
for HIV under a false name.Copy !req
187. You are going to test me
for cancer and anything else
that could have done this to me.Copy !req
188. If I have cancer,
I will deal with it.Copy !req
189. But I do not have AIDS.Copy !req
190. "Eastbrook Pharmaceuticals are pleased to announce that Dr. Gregory House will
present the latest research on their exciting new ACE inhibitor."Copy !req
191. You're making that up.
That's Vogler's company.Copy !req
192. Press release.Copy !req
193. Doing an address at
the North American Cardiology Conference.Copy !req
194. House never gives speeches.Copy !req
195. But when I really believe in something...Copy !req
196. Gosh dang it, I've got a chance
to make a difference here.Copy !req
197. You made a deal with Vogler?Copy !req
198. It's all the rage.
Everybody's doing it.Copy !req
199. So, what's the deal?Copy !req
200. You get to keep all of us if you flog his products?Copy !req
201. One speech, no biggie.Copy !req
202. Foreman's doing a bone marrow
biopsy to check for cancer.Copy !req
203. Cancer?
The Senator's got AIDS.Copy !req
204. Cancer sounds better
on a press release.Copy !req
205. I need you guys to rush
the ELISA test for HIV.Copy !req
206. Thank you. For the speech.Copy !req
207. When I said rush, I meant, you know, fast.
Stat's the word you doctors use, right?Copy !req
208. I know it's hard for you...Copy !req
209. Double stat?Copy !req
210. This may sting a little.Copy !req
211. Sorry.Copy !req
212. It wasn't the shot, it's, um,
my head, it's killing me.Copy !req
213. You know, Senator,
we don't have to do this now.Copy !req
214. We can wait until
your HIV test comes back.Copy !req
215. Guess you figure
it's gonna come back positive.Copy !req
216. Well, in my experience...Copy !req
217. Patients lie.Copy !req
218. Politicians lie more.
And black politicians...Copy !req
219. Whoa, I don't think black politicians lie
more than white politicians.Copy !req
220. We lie less.Copy !req
221. You figure we're morally superior?Copy !req
222. I've got my theories.Copy !req
223. No, we, we just can't
get away with it.Copy !req
224. No one's gonna gi-give us
the benefit of the doubt.Copy !req
225. No one's gonna cut us
a second chance. And,Copy !req
226. and when it happens it's not just
a bad politician, it's, it's,Copy !req
227. it's a bad role model,
it's a dis-discredit to the race.Copy !req
228. You ready?Copy !req
229. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
230. Take a deep breath.Copy !req
231. Dr. House.
I just wanted to...Copy !req
232. You're welcome, again.Copy !req
233. I want you to know how much I...Copy !req
234. Got it. You're grateful.Copy !req
235. Apparently you seem to think
it'll mean a lot to me to know that.Copy !req
236. Do you know
why people believe in God?Copy !req
237. I thought you didn't believe in God.Copy !req
238. I don't.Copy !req
239. Well, then you better be
making a very good point.Copy !req
240. Do you think they pray to Him
and praise Him because they want
Him to know how great He is?Copy !req
241. God already knows that.Copy !req
242. Are you comparing me to God?Copy !req
243. I mean, that's great,
but just so you know,
I've never made a tree.Copy !req
244. I thank you because
it means something to me.Copy !req
245. To be grateful
for what I receive.Copy !req
246. You are the most naive
atheist I've ever met.Copy !req
247. Dr. House,
you have a patient in Room One.Copy !req
248. Thank God.Copy !req
249. People pray so that
God won't crush them like bugs.Copy !req
250. I'm not gonna crush you.Copy !req
251. Petechial bruising?
I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right.Copy !req
252. Gosh, the internet is
such a wonderful tool.Copy !req
253. It could be leukemia.Copy !req
254. Definitely possible.Copy !req
255. The more likely diagnosis is hickey.Copy !req
256. Well, it can't be a hickey.Copy !req
257. Why is everybody so ashamed
of sex all of a sudden?Copy !req
258. I'm not having sex.Copy !req
259. I've barely even thought
about sex since my marriage.Copy !req
260. Ow!Copy !req
261. I say you're having sex,
you say you're not.Copy !req
262. Either you're lying,
or I'm wrong.Copy !req
263. Or there's some middle ground.Copy !req
264. You mean like oral?Copy !req
265. I mean you're having sex
without knowing it.Copy !req
266. I'm testing you
for booze, drugs and GHB.Copy !req
267. I don't drink,
and... what's GHB?Copy !req
268. The date rape drug.Copy !req
269. It's positive.Copy !req
270. Your T-cell count is eight,Copy !req
271. which means there's
a good chance you'll die.Copy !req
272. I'm telling you this because we need
to contact your sexual partners.Copy !req
273. I've only had two girlfriends.Copy !req
274. Two, after my wife died.
I used c-c-condoms.Copy !req
275. You know the chances of you getting HIV
from heterosexual sex with a condom?Copy !req
276. Yes.Copy !req
277. Some day there will be
a black president.Copy !req
278. Some day there will be
a gay president.Copy !req
279. Maybe there will even be
a gay, black president.Copy !req
280. But one combination I do not see
happening is gay, black, and dead.Copy !req
281. You need to stop lying to me.Copy !req
282. It must be miserable,
always assuming the worst in people.Copy !req
283. Oh, cut the crap, you're dying.Copy !req
284. You're clever, you're witty,
and you are a coward!Copy !req
285. You're scared of taking chances.Copy !req
286. I take chances all the time,
it's one of my worst qualities.Copy !req
287. On people?Copy !req
288. Wanting to believe the best
about people doesn't make it true.Copy !req
289. Being afraid to believe
it doesn't make it false.Copy !req
290. Well, that's very moving.
It's a shame I don't vote.Copy !req
291. This is who I am.
I believe in people.Copy !req
292. I'm not hiply cynical and
I don't make easy, snide remarks.Copy !req
293. I would rather think that
people are good and
be disappointed once and again.Copy !req
294. I need to draw some more blood.Copy !req
295. NURSE!Copy !req
296. The antiretrovirals aren't working.Copy !req
297. That's not surprising.Copy !req
298. He's just going to keep getting worse.
You realize that, right?Copy !req
299. Why are you spying on my case?Copy !req
300. Why are you giving
that speech next week?Copy !req
301. We're both just doing
what we have to do.Copy !req
302. And you don't see a problem with that?Copy !req
303. Checking in on a patient?Copy !req
304. Yeah, wow, how do I
look myself in the mirror?Copy !req
305. You're not the one
being asked to perpetrate a fraud
on the American people.Copy !req
306. It's a ten minute speech!Copy !req
307. That I've been ordered to give.Copy !req
308. Vogler's drug works!Copy !req
309. Don't care.Copy !req
310. Oh, why do you have to make everything so dramatic?Copy !req
311. Because I'm a very high-strung little lapdog.Copy !req
312. Ruff ruff ruff, rarr, ruff!Copy !req
313. Nuh uh. No pills.Copy !req
314. What's going on?Copy !req
315. The antiretrovirals aren't working.Copy !req
316. Why not?Copy !req
317. Because you don't have AIDS.Copy !req
318. The first test was a false positive.Copy !req
319. Happens one time in every five thousand.Copy !req
320. You r-ran a second test.Copy !req
321. Yeah.Copy !req
322. You're still dying.Copy !req
323. The only difference is
now we don't know why.Copy !req
324. He's continuing to lose control of the muscles
on his right side, his brain is getting foggier,
and his T-cells are in the single digits.Copy !req
325. Why are we doing this here?Copy !req
326. So Cuddy can't find us.Copy !req
327. Unless we find out the underlying disease,
this guy's lied to his last constituent.Copy !req
328. False negative on the PCR AIDS test?Copy !req
329. Ran it twice.Copy !req
330. Immunoglobulin deficiency?Copy !req
331. No history of respiratory problems.Copy !req
332. Ideopathic T-cell deficiency.Copy !req
333. Ideopathic, from the Latin meaning
we're idiots 'cause we can't
figure out what's causing it.Copy !req
334. Give him a whole body scan.Copy !req
335. You hate whole body scans.Copy !req
336. 'Cause they're useless.Copy !req
337. Could probably scan everyone of us and find five different doodads that look like cancer.Copy !req
338. But, when you're 4th-down,
100 to go, in the snow,
you don't call a running play up the middle.Copy !req
339. Unless you're the Jets.Copy !req
340. I hate sports metaphors.Copy !req
341. Why did you order the second AIDS test?Copy !req
342. Standard procedure.Copy !req
343. Oh, well, that's you.
Mr. Standard Procedure.Copy !req
344. You suspected the first test
was a false positive?Copy !req
345. I knew he was going to Africa and I figured
he was vaccinated for Hep A and B.Copy !req
346. That could cause a false positive.Copy !req
347. Yeah, but you knew that before
you ordered the first test. What changed?Copy !req
348. I should have ordered both.Copy !req
349. You were sure he had AIDS,
then you talked to him,
then you had doubts.Copy !req
350. What, what did he say?Copy !req
351. He said he had not engaged
in any risky behavior.Copy !req
352. Huh. And you believed him.Copy !req
353. Well, he didn't have any reason to lie...Copy !req
354. Everybody lies,
except politicians?Copy !req
355. House, I do believe
you're a romantic.Copy !req
356. You just didn't believe him,
you believed in him.Copy !req
357. Do you want to come over tonight
and watch old movies and cry?Copy !req
358. Dr. Cameron's getting to you.Copy !req
359. Well, I guess you can't be
around that much niceness
and not get any one you.Copy !req
360. Is that why you haven't
put the moves on her?Copy !req
361. What makes you think
I haven't put the moves on her?Copy !req
362. Oh. Oh, boy!
You're in trouble.Copy !req
363. You have restored my faith
in the human race.Copy !req
364. You're lying.Copy !req
365. No, I'm not lying.Copy !req
366. I just got your results back.
No GHB, no nothing.Copy !req
367. It means you're having sex,
and you're lying about it.Copy !req
368. No, and I have a new symptom.Copy !req
369. I have a rash on my butt.Copy !req
370. Do you want to...Copy !req
371. What is it?Copy !req
372. It's a carpet burn.Copy !req
373. No! It can't be!
Doctor, I love sex.Copy !req
374. I miss it.
I haven't had any in over a year.Copy !req
375. Well, you managed to
keep this appointment,Copy !req
376. so you have no
short-term memory problem.Copy !req
377. Multiple personalities?Copy !req
378. Do you find yourself
losing chunks of time?Copy !req
379. Do you wake up and
you don't remember falling asleep?Copy !req
380. No, I just wake up
really exhausted.Copy !req
381. Is something upsetting you?Copy !req
382. No.Copy !req
383. My ex lives in the apartment downstairs.Copy !req
384. He's always calling me,Copy !req
385. always wanting to get back together,
complaining about mixed signals.Copy !req
386. Get out of my life,
how much clearer can you get?Copy !req
387. We have a sleep lab
in the basement.Copy !req
388. If nothing else, it'll get you away
from your ex for a night.Copy !req
389. Slightly enlarged lymph node in his left armpit.Copy !req
390. How slightly?Copy !req
391. Quarter mil.Copy !req
392. Lymphoma?Copy !req
393. Sure, or he's had a cold in the last six months.Copy !req
394. What, you've got her on speed dial?Copy !req
395. I just follow the scent of arrogance.Copy !req
396. Another slightly enlarged node over here.Copy !req
397. Two more in his neck
and one in his groin.Copy !req
398. And there's a cyst in his liver.Copy !req
399. Looks complex.
Central necrosis?Copy !req
400. Spontaneous bleeding, it's benign.Copy !req
401. I was rooting for a really cool tumor,
instead we're stuck with this crap.Copy !req
402. Doesn't matter. Once you find 'em,
ou've gotta check 'em.Copy !req
403. Well, knock yourselves out.Copy !req
404. I just saw Senator Wright,
he looks like hell.Copy !req
405. That sushi must have been
a lot worse than you thought.Copy !req
406. Mr. Vogler, would you like
a free whole body scan?Copy !req
407. A man of your stature
should get himself checked
at least three times a year.Copy !req
408. Here's a few key points I want you to cover during your speech.Copy !req
409. Fourteen pages. The audience will
be comatose by paragraph two.Copy !req
410. Throw in a joke.Copy !req
411. Dr. Chase. We need to talk.Copy !req
412. How do you see this ending?Copy !req
413. What ending?Copy !req
414. I can't fire you, so you have no reason to fear me,Copy !req
415. and therefore no reason to lie to me.Copy !req
416. You told Cuddy where I was.
You told Vogler what I was doing.Copy !req
417. Yeah.Copy !req
418. So how can I work with you?Copy !req
419. Well, you don't have a choice.Copy !req
420. This might hurt a little.Copy !req
421. Lie to me.Copy !req
422. Okay. It'll, uh, feel like
a gentle massage.Copy !req
423. House is a lousy teacher.
You can't lie for beans.Copy !req
424. Have you ever told
any really big ones?Copy !req
425. Oh, ho, I might be messed up,Copy !req
426. but I'm not that out of it,
no no no no no...Copy !req
427. Strap his arm down.Copy !req
428. Am I gonna be okay?Copy !req
429. I hope so.Copy !req
430. I am selling my soul.Copy !req
431. Just a little piece.Copy !req
432. And you are getting something in return.Copy !req
433. I said I was selling it.
I didn't say I was giving it away.Copy !req
434. That would be immoral, and stupid.
All they've done is added antacid.Copy !req
435. Does it work?Copy !req
436. That's not the point!Copy !req
437. Well, of course it's the point!Copy !req
438. He's not asking you to lie,
he's not asking you to do something illegal...Copy !req
439. He's not asking me to do anything.Copy !req
440. He's not ordering you.Copy !req
441. He gave you a choice.
You chose your staff.Copy !req
442. I know this isn't easy for you.Copy !req
443. You'll suffer. Vicodin sales in Jersey will triple.Copy !req
444. But you are doing a good thing.Copy !req
445. Only you could feel like crap
for doing something good.Copy !req
446. Kidney and liver cysts are both benign,
and lymph nodes all came back clean.Copy !req
447. His left armpit node has
antibodies for CB 11.Copy !req
448. Well, not enough to indicate lymphoma.Copy !req
449. We never tested for hairy-cell leukemia.Copy !req
450. No, but we would have picked it up
somewhere besides one lymph node.Copy !req
451. And his spleen isn't enlarged.Copy !req
452. Size isn't everything.Copy !req
453. The spleen is the mother load for hairy-cells.Copy !req
454. Let's cut it open.Copy !req
455. You can't biopsy his spleen. It'll bleed like...Copy !req
456. In the Senator's condition,
a spleen biopsy could easily
cause sepsis and kill him!Copy !req
457. Why do you do this to me?Copy !req
458. Now, if I kill him, I can't tell the judge
I had no idea of the risks involved.Copy !req
459. His brain's turning into mush,
and he's at risk for more infections,
so we have to do it.Copy !req
460. See, that'll sound much better in court.Copy !req
461. Okay, go tell our human pincushion
we'll be sticking him one more time.Copy !req
462. Cuddy.Copy !req
463. Don't you hate doing this?Copy !req
464. Yeah.Copy !req
465. What's up?Copy !req
466. You like me.Copy !req
467. Why?Copy !req
468. That's kind of a sad question.Copy !req
469. Just trying to figure out
what makes you tick.Copy !req
470. I am not warm and fuzzy
and you are basically
a stuffed animal made by grandma.Copy !req
471. I don't think that's why you're asking.Copy !req
472. I think it's because of the speech.Copy !req
473. Oh God,
don't try and pick me apart.Copy !req
474. Then why are you asking?Copy !req
475. What do you want to hear?Copy !req
476. Hey, Senator. We need to do one more biopsy, on your spleen.Copy !req
477. I'll have to sign lefty, my fingers aren't working.Copy !req
478. You've been coughing a lot?
Does it hurt?Copy !req
479. It's like I can't get air.
Is that from the toxo?Copy !req
480. No, this is, this is new.Copy !req
481. You don't need to sign,
we can't do the biopsy.Copy !req
482. The Senator's breathing is severely impaired.Copy !req
483. His O2 stat levels are at 89.Copy !req
484. His silver stain indicates pneumocystis carinii pneumonia.Copy !req
485. Another killer fungus.
It's consistent with hairy-cell leukemia.Copy !req
486. But we can't biopsy his spleen.
Respiratory distress?Copy !req
487. His platelets are 20 and dropping,
his blood won't clot worth a damn.Copy !req
488. There's gotta be another way
to diagnose hairy-cell.Copy !req
489. No, his bone marrow's indeterminate,
spleen's the only way to go.Copy !req
490. You know, when the Inuit go fishing,
they don't look for fish.Copy !req
491. Why, Dr. House?Copy !req
492. They look for the blue heron,Copy !req
493. because there's
no way to see the fish.Copy !req
494. But if there's fish,
there's gonna be birds fishing.Copy !req
495. Now, if he's got hairy-cell, what else are
we gonna see circling overhead?Copy !req
496. He should have all sorts of weird viruses.Copy !req
497. HTLV and ATLV.Copy !req
498. We can test for them.
Run the titers.Copy !req
499. These were your brain waves at 2:45 AM.Copy !req
500. Now, here it comes, there's
an abrupt jump from slow-wave sleep.Copy !req
501. This indicates partial sleep arousal.Copy !req
502. The most common type is somnambulism...Copy !req
503. sleepwalking.Copy !req
504. That would explain why I'm so tired when I wake up.Copy !req
505. Yes, and also why you were pregnant.Copy !req
506. And the hickies.
And the carpet burn.Copy !req
507. I had sex in my sleep?Copy !req
508. Sexsomnia is a documented disorder.Copy !req
509. You said your ex lives downstairs...Copy !req
510. I'll kill him.Copy !req
511. Okay, but he probably didn't know
that you were asleep.Copy !req
512. Sexsomniacs can act pretty normal.Copy !req
513. I'm going to write you a prescription
for a low-dose antidepressant.Copy !req
514. It'll let you sleep better.Copy !req
515. If you want to save yourself the $15 co-pay,
you can have sex while you're awake.Copy !req
516. He's my ex, I...Copy !req
517. You live in the same building,Copy !req
518. you haven't had sex with anyone else for a year,Copy !req
519. you sleepwalk right into his arms.Copy !req
520. Call me crazy, but
I'm sensing unresolved issues.Copy !req
521. Negative for HTLV-1 and 2Copy !req
522. and Negative for ATLV and
everything else. It's not hairy-cell.Copy !req
523. Hey. You really gonna give that speech?Copy !req
524. You've got an opinion, too?Copy !req
525. I'm a little surprised.Copy !req
526. Frankly, I thought you were too much
of a self-absorbed ass to do this for us.Copy !req
527. You're welcome.
He's positive for Epstein-Barr.Copy !req
528. So what? It doesn't point to hairy-cell, it's irrelevant.Copy !req
529. Hey!Copy !req
530. You didn't fall off the swings
when you were eight.Copy !req
531. Six!Copy !req
532. Ever.Copy !req
533. Give that back!Copy !req
534. Uh uh. We have to talk.Copy !req
535. You had an epileptic seizure.
That's how you bit your tongue.Copy !req
536. I haven't had a seizure since I was...Copy !req
537. What medication did you take?Copy !req
538. No seizure since I was six.
No drugs since I was ten!Copy !req
539. Yeah, that's it.Copy !req
540. Don't worry about what the question is,Copy !req
541. don't worry that you're starting to feel dizzy, just stay on message.Copy !req
542. My mother used to call it physofin...Copy !req
543. - Phenytoin?
- Yeah!Copy !req
544. Okay, okay, you're okay,Copy !req
545. it's okay.Copy !req
546. Everybody lies.Copy !req
547. Senator Gary H. Wright of New Jersey
had childhood epilepsy.Copy !req
548. He took phenytoin.Copy !req
549. That drug, with the Epstein-Barr virus,
is associated with common variable
immunodeficiency disease.Copy !req
550. T-cells down, B-cells down,
it keeps you from forming enough antibodies.Copy !req
551. See, antibodies are basically your defensive line.Copy !req
552. And your brain is like the quarterback.Copy !req
553. And then the fungi are like
blitzing linebackers, plunging up the middle.Copy !req
554. Your lungs are like...
okay, you've got two quarterbacks...Copy !req
555. CVID? That's a type of
immunoglobulin deficiency. I said that.Copy !req
556. Yeah, well, it was a stupid idea
when you said it.Copy !req
557. Then he got the respiratory problem
and tested positive for Epstein-Barr.Copy !req
558. That's pretty much a childhood disease.Copy !req
559. Another reason why
Chase's suggestion was idiotic.Copy !req
560. He got it when he was a kid.Copy !req
561. Didn't get any symptoms until now, it happens.Copy !req
562. It gets triggered by stress,
like public speaking.Copy !req
563. So you're basing your diagnosis
on a disease that's relatively common
and a drug he took thirty years ago.Copy !req
564. Start the senator on
IV immunoglobulin stat.Copy !req
565. If he gets better, I'm right,
if he dies, you're right.Copy !req
566. Dr. House!Copy !req
567. You faked that.Copy !req
568. No.Copy !req
569. Say "antiretroviral".Copy !req
570. Antiretroviral.Copy !req
571. Now say it three times fast.Copy !req
572. We just got back your latest blood results.Copy !req
573. Your white cells are up, your T-cells are back over 100.Copy !req
574. Well, that's good, right?Copy !req
575. In a week? That's terrific.Copy !req
576. You'll need medication for the rest of your life, butCopy !req
577. other than that, you're fine.Copy !req
578. Am I well enough to run for president?Copy !req
579. Well, why not run for pope
while you're at it?Copy !req
580. Oh, come on.
Kennedy had Addison's, FDR had polio.Copy !req
581. Two of the best presidents
in the last hundred years...Copy !req
582. If they were running today
they wouldn't stand a chance.Copy !req
583. So, you figure you'd be Surgeon General
if you didn't have the limp.Copy !req
584. No, there's things I can't do, and
like you said, I have to live with reality.Copy !req
585. Well,Copy !req
586. then I'm running.Copy !req
587. Good for you.Copy !req
588. No, don't get excited,
he's right, I, uh, I won't win.Copy !req
589. Then why run?Copy !req
590. Oh, I see, your point being
the only way to make a difference
is to win every fight.Copy !req
591. But hey, why listen to me?Copy !req
592. I own the company,
I'm certainly not to be trusted, right?Copy !req
593. Dr. Gregg House,
on the other hand, has a reputation.Copy !req
594. For integrity, among other things.Copy !req
595. Ladies and gentlemen,
Dr. Gregg House.Copy !req
596. Eastbrook Pharmaceuticals' extraordinary
commitment to research excellence is
exemplified by their new ACE inhibitor,Copy !req
597. a breakthrough medical approach that
will protect millions from heart disease.Copy !req
598. [quietly, yet deadly]
That's not a speech.Copy !req
599. I thought it was pithy.Copy !req
600. You got enough for a press release, anyhow.Copy !req
601. Foreman or Cameron?Copy !req
602. A few things I forgot to mention.Copy !req
603. Ed Vogler is a brilliant businessman.Copy !req
604. A brilliant judge of people, and
a man who has never lost a fight.Copy !req
605. You know how I know
the new ACE inhibitor is good?Copy !req
606. Because the old one was good.Copy !req
607. The new one is really the same,
it's just more expensive.Copy !req
608. A lot more expensive.Copy !req
609. See, that's another example of Ed's brilliance.Copy !req
610. Whenever one of his drugs is about to lose its patent he has his boys and girls alter it just a tiny bit and patent it all over again.Copy !req
611. Making not just a pointless new pill,
but millions and millions of dollars.Copy !req
612. Which is good for everbody, right?Copy !req
613. The patients, pish. Who cares,
they're just so damn sick!Copy !req
614. God obviously never liked them anyway.Copy !req
615. All the healthy people in the room,
let's have a big round of applause for Ed Vogler!Copy !req
616. I threw in a joke.Copy !req
617. I'm sorry.Copy !req
618. I should have taken a couple of extra Vicodin and just held my nose.Copy !req
619. I'm guessing you did take a couple extra Vicodin.Copy !req
620. True.Copy !req
621. You don't need to worry about firing anyone.Copy !req
622. I'm leaving.Copy !req
623. Why?Copy !req
624. Is this another noble, self-sacrificing gesture?Copy !req
625. You trying to protect Foreman?Copy !req
626. No.Copy !req
627. So this is just, "Don't fire me, I quit."Copy !req
628. I'm protecting myself.Copy !req
629. You asked me why I like you.Copy !req
630. You're abrasive and rude,Copy !req
631. but I figured everything you do,
you do it to help people.Copy !req
632. But I was wrong.Copy !req
633. You do it because it's right.Copy !req
634. There are only two ways
I can deal with things.Copy !req
635. One is in my control.Copy !req
636. That's to leave.Copy !req
637. Goodbye, House.Copy !req