1. Are you thinking about taking drugs?Copy !req
2. Well, think again,
because drugs are not the answer.Copy !req
3. Take it from me, Hank Wiggen.Copy !req
4. Oh, don't remember this ugly mug?Copy !req
5. Two years ago, I was a star.
I won nine games in a row.Copy !req
6. But by the end of August, I was gone.Copy !req
7. Cut! Cut!Copy !req
8. Not good, huh?Copy !req
9. Well, you caught the ball.Copy !req
10. Yeah.Copy !req
11. Look, I usually don't, you know,
give line readings,Copy !req
12. but try this. Here.Copy !req
13. Hollywood ain't holding its breath.Copy !req
14. Yeah, well, they're doing it wrong.
I mean, for Hank.Copy !req
15. Tell the director.Copy !req
16. I thought I'd give the marriage
a few monthsCopy !req
17. before I go for the meddling-wife thing.Copy !req
18. His arm came back the day
after you hooked up. I say meddle.Copy !req
19. You okay?Copy !req
20. Just gas.Copy !req
21. Go help your man. Give me
a little room here to work it out.Copy !req
22. Take it from me, Hank Wiggen.Copy !req
23. - Like that?
- No.Copy !req
24. - Hey, sweetheart.
- Hey.Copy !req
25. - Hi, Bryan.
- Hey.Copy !req
26. You boys having a little trouble
with the big speech?Copy !req
27. Yeah. You got any ideas?Copy !req
28. It's your story. Just be yourself.Copy !req
29. Drugs were there, you took them.
Simple.Copy !req
30. Why'd you get clean?Copy !req
31. 'Cause I was gonna die.Copy !req
32. And, come April, 'cause you're clean,Copy !req
33. you're starting Opening Day
against the Yanks.Copy !req
34. Try it her way?Copy !req
35. Yeah.Copy !req
36. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
37. Let's start with the second part first.
That'll get him in the groove.Copy !req
38. Okay.Copy !req
39. We'll do the throwing thing first.Copy !req
40. Everybody wants to direct.Copy !req
41. Warner all right?Copy !req
42. Yeah, he's good.Copy !req
43. You just bring it, babe.
Just tell your story.Copy !req
44. Roll cameras.Copy !req
45. - Rolling. Speed.
- Sound.Copy !req
46. Come on, kid! Show them what
you're gonna give the Yankees!Copy !req
47. All right, action!Copy !req
48. Oh, God!Copy !req
49. You okay? It's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be okay.Copy !req
50. He's got osteopenia. His bones are
too thin to fix the arm problem.Copy !req
51. No. price is not a problem
if you have what I need.Copy !req
52. Young man?Copy !req
53. How did you know?Copy !req
54. Well, if he's an old man, osteopenia
would just be a fact of life.Copy !req
55. You make him comfortableCopy !req
56. send him home,
which means you're just boring me.Copy !req
57. So he's young, which means
it's most likely caused by cancer,Copy !req
58. and you're here
because you haven't found it.Copy !req
59. Have you looked really, really hard?Copy !req
60. MRI and PET scan are both negative.Copy !req
61. Well, how old is he? Maybe
the osteopenia is just early onset.Copy !req
62. Ah, let's see.Copy !req
63. "Born 9/21/77."Copy !req
64. It's Hank Wiggen?Copy !req
65. He signed it. Sweet.Copy !req
66. Yeah.Copy !req
67. "To Jimmy Wilson,
the Cy Young of medicine."Copy !req
68. Did you ask for that?Copy !req
69. Just the "Jimmy" part.Copy !req
70. The bone's too thin to support
the kind of surgeryCopy !req
71. that would let him pitch again.Copy !req
72. But if we figure out
what's causing the osteopenia,Copy !req
73. we can reverse the bone damage
then do the surgery.Copy !req
74. Beat the Yankees
and save the free world.Copy !req
75. It was a working dinner.Copy !req
76. My work, company pays.Copy !req
77. I don't know. I just feel kind of weird
after what it turned into.Copy !req
78. Well, then it stopped being work.Copy !req
79. You know,
if it'll solve your ethics problem,Copy !req
80. you can reimburse me for these.Copy !req
81. What are they, $5.57, I believe?Copy !req
82. Let me know about Friday?Copy !req
83. Yeah.Copy !req
84. None of the usual suspects.Copy !req
85. Age isn't right, in apparent perfect
health before this incident,Copy !req
86. MRI and PET scan negative for tumors.Copy !req
87. Test him again. It's gotta be cancer.Copy !req
88. Sorry I'm late.
Car broke down on the interstate.Copy !req
89. Don't believe you. CHEM-7 also shows
a poor kidney function.Copy !req
90. Now, why would a guy in his 20s
have a poor kidney function?Copy !req
91. Cancer. It first attacks the bones,
and then the kidneys.Copy !req
92. Come on, people. He was 17-7.
His ERA was 2.1.Copy !req
93. You want it to be his kidneys,Copy !req
94. because if it's his kidneys, then maybe
we can treat it, maybe we can fix it.Copy !req
95. And if it's cancer,
then he'll never pitch again.Copy !req
96. If this were a regular guy who came in
and broke his arm lifting a box,Copy !req
97. you would've packed him up
and sent him home.Copy !req
98. My God, you're right. I lost my head.
All life is equally sacred.Copy !req
99. And I promise you, the next knitting
injury that comes in here,Copy !req
100. we're on it like stink on cheese.Copy !req
101. - He weighed 175 his rookie year.
- Stop.Copy !req
102. Now he's 195
after playing a year in Japan.Copy !req
103. - Why?
- He let himself go.Copy !req
104. Steroids. The guy was a drug user.Copy !req
105. I'm sure he wouldn't have balked at
pumping up through chemicals.Copy !req
106. That'd explain the weight gain
and the kidney problems.Copy !req
107. And the bone loss.
Go ask him what he's on.Copy !req
108. When he says "nothing,"
have him pee in a cup.Copy !req
109. If your car breaks down,
you're an hour late, not two minutes.Copy !req
110. And two minutes isn't late enough to
use a clever excuse like car trouble.Copy !req
111. I was coming in early.Copy !req
112. Huh.Copy !req
113. Unprompted lies. That's a bad sign.Copy !req
114. Either a guilty conscience
or something personal's going on.Copy !req
115. See, that's all you had to do.
Just walk in, sit down, do your job.Copy !req
116. No. No, I never took them.Copy !req
117. We're gonna need a urine sample.Copy !req
118. Oh, no. You don't trust me.Copy !req
119. Baby, I'm worried about
taking this morphine.Copy !req
120. You're in pain. The doses are
monitored. It's not a slip.Copy !req
121. Besides, opiates weren't your thing.Copy !req
122. They should've been. Whoa.Copy !req
123. Mr. Wiggen? The urine sample.Copy !req
124. I want to say no, so I am. No.Copy !req
125. Trust is a big issue in early recovery.Copy !req
126. He really did gain the weight honestly.Copy !req
127. If you say so.Copy !req
128. You're not getting it.Copy !req
129. He thinks I'm an idiot.Copy !req
130. He sure does.Copy !req
131. Should we save a sample?Copy !req
132. Dr. Sports Fan can put it in Lucite
and hang it around his neck.Copy !req
133. Hey, Friday night, can you cover for me?Copy !req
134. I think so.Copy !req
135. Oh, Friday. No, I'm sorry. I have to go
to that oncology thing, the seminar.Copy !req
136. - Oh.
- What's going on?Copy !req
137. Dinner with the drug rep.
Castine Pharmaceuticals.Copy !req
138. Arnie? Claims he has 500 lawyer jokes,
only tells one?Copy !req
139. New guy.Copy !req
140. You need cash?Copy !req
141. No, I don't have that much on me.Copy !req
142. No, no, it's not a problem. No.
I'll be over by 6:00. Okay.Copy !req
143. 5:00 p.m. Dr. House checks out.Copy !req
144. It's 4:45.Copy !req
145. I was rounding up.Copy !req
146. Carol Moffatt.
Please see Dr. House in Exam 1.Copy !req
147. Whoa, whoa, not so fast, Cathy.Copy !req
148. It's Carol.Copy !req
149. Trouble with the leg?Copy !req
150. When's the wedding?Copy !req
151. This Saturday.Copy !req
152. Not much time to fit
into that pretty dress.Copy !req
153. And no time for practical shoe shopping.Copy !req
154. You're running two miles a day further
than you should be.Copy !req
155. It hurts right...Copy !req
156. New shoes, less miles,
and ix-nay on the afternoon Cokes.Copy !req
157. You're gonna look beautiful.Copy !req
158. What's wrong with you?Copy !req
159. I can't get my contact lenses out.Copy !req
160. Out of what? They're not in your eyes.Copy !req
161. But they're red.Copy !req
162. That's because you're trying
to remove your corneas.Copy !req
163. What's wrong with you?Copy !req
164. Lately, my wife has noticed that...Copy !req
165. Yeah, yeah. Symptoms.
We're working on a personal best here.Copy !req
166. Numbness in my feet and hands,
constipation...Copy !req
167. And? Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable
talking about his private matters in...Copy !req
168. Well, neither would I if I was having
trouble controlling my pee-pee.Copy !req
169. You're a dentist. Nitrous oxide poisoning.Copy !req
170. Which means you're either dipping into
your own supplyCopy !req
171. or you got a bad valve in the office.Copy !req
172. Laughing gas rehab's probably
more expensive than the plumber.Copy !req
173. Meanwhile, get yourself some B-12.Copy !req
174. Who's left?Copy !req
175. I can't see.Copy !req
176. No, I'm just screwing with you.
It's a hangover.Copy !req
177. My English lit prof told me
he'd fail me next timeCopy !req
178. if I didn't show up with a doctor's note.Copy !req
179. Well, make friends with the dentist.Copy !req
180. He can give you a note, and maybe
a little nitrous to take the edge off.Copy !req
181. Dr. House.Copy !req
182. He tested negative for steroids.Copy !req
183. Elevated beta 2 proteins, though.Copy !req
184. Could be cancerous,
amyloidosis or lymphoma.Copy !req
185. Or steroids.
You guys got any money on you?Copy !req
186. He tested negative for steroids.Copy !req
187. I have a couple 20s on me.Copy !req
188. Fifty of them?Copy !req
189. - Foreman?
- The fat-pad biopsyCopy !req
190. and abdominal CT scan were negative
for the cancers, but...Copy !req
191. That just leaves us with steroids.Copy !req
192. He tested negative for steroids.Copy !req
193. Less money is made by biochemists
working on a cure for cancerCopy !req
194. than by their colleagues
struggling valiantlyCopy !req
195. to find ways to hide steroid use.Copy !req
196. But there is one thing they can't hide.Copy !req
197. Hi. I'm Dr. House.Copy !req
198. And this is the coolest day of my life.Copy !req
199. See? Steroid use shrinks the testicles.Copy !req
200. I'm clean, man. No steroids, no nothing.Copy !req
201. Your lips say no, your prunes say yes.Copy !req
202. Hypogonadism. Isn't that a great word?Copy !req
203. Thanks. We don't get to say it
nearly enough.Copy !req
204. Start him on Lupron right away.Copy !req
205. These freaks are willing to defile
themselves for mass entertainment.Copy !req
206. For money. I feel sorry for them.Copy !req
207. He drops a clean urine,
denies using steroidsCopy !req
208. then you're giving him a drug for what,
steroid abuse?Copy !req
209. No, no, it's not. It's got calcium in it.Copy !req
210. It's very good for the bones.Copy !req
211. Basically, at a molecular level,
it's just milk.Copy !req
212. Dr. Whitman to Anesthesiology.Copy !req
213. How long do you figure before
I get a call from Cuddy?Copy !req
214. - You put him on Lupron?
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
215. And you told them it was like milk.Copy !req
216. Yes.Copy !req
217. Is there any way in which
that is not a lie?Copy !req
218. It's creamy.Copy !req
219. - But I had three reasons.
- Good ones?Copy !req
220. Well, we'll see in a minute.
I'm just making them up now.Copy !req
221. He lied to me first.Copy !req
222. Your mother did teach you
two wrongs don't make a right.Copy !req
223. If he lies to me about not taking steroids,Copy !req
224. and I lie to him about
not treating steroids, he's cured.Copy !req
225. - Adds up for me.
- Second reason.Copy !req
226. If I told him the truth,
he wouldn't have taken the stuff.Copy !req
227. And if he told you the truth,
what would the stuff do to him?Copy !req
228. Severe respiratory problems.Copy !req
229. Third reason?Copy !req
230. I wanted to eliminate the placebo effect.Copy !req
231. Excellent.Copy !req
232. You and your lawyer can write a paper.Copy !req
233. Which brings me to my fourth reason.Copy !req
234. I thought you said there were only three.Copy !req
235. - I thought you'd buy one of them.
- Seriously?Copy !req
236. He's not gonna sue.Copy !req
237. Because his lawyer is a nice guy
who'll realize it's unfair to blame usCopy !req
238. for ruining this kid's $100-million career.Copy !req
239. Good guess, but no.Copy !req
240. If the Lupron causes
respiratory problems,Copy !req
241. it means he's not on steroids.Copy !req
242. Which means there's something else
wrong with him.Copy !req
243. And the choices for that something else
are almost universally very bad.Copy !req
244. Osteopenia messing his bones up.Copy !req
245. Hypogonadism, impaired liver function,
kidney function.Copy !req
246. And we have managed to find the only
professional athlete in the galaxyCopy !req
247. who is not on steroids.Copy !req
248. And it's not cancer.Copy !req
249. So what's killing him?Copy !req
250. Who shares my suspicions that
the Yankees were somehow involved?Copy !req
251. Shrunken testicles indicate his body's
not putting out enough testosterone.Copy !req
252. Throw out the lungs.
That was the Lupron, my fault.Copy !req
253. Don't worry. I'll send him a nice note.Copy !req
254. What about something environmental?Copy !req
255. Arsenic, mercury.
The symptoms could indicate...Copy !req
256. Pretty small environment.
Wife's fine, no one else is sick.Copy !req
257. If you throw out the kidneys,
everything else adds up.Copy !req
258. The testicles, the bones,
the impaired liver functionCopy !req
259. could all be caused by a breakdown of
his adrenal glands.Copy !req
260. Addison's disease. I like it.Copy !req
261. Mainly, of course,
because the treatment is...Copy !req
262. Steroids.Copy !req
263. Enough irony for all of us.Copy !req
264. Treatment would cause him
to retain fluid.Copy !req
265. With the kidneys
almost shut down already, he'll die.Copy !req
266. So we'll get him a new kidney.Copy !req
267. Your theory is that Addison's is
causing all the symptomsCopy !req
268. except for the kidney problems.Copy !req
269. What's causing the kidney problems?Copy !req
270. Cameron, if you had to make
an ironic guess right about now...Copy !req
271. He tested negative for steroids.Copy !req
272. Agreed. He's not on steroids now.Copy !req
273. But if he was on them at any time
in the last five years,Copy !req
274. it could have caused the kidney damage.Copy !req
275. You see, kidneys don't wear watches.Copy !req
276. Sure, gall bladders do,Copy !req
277. but it doesn't matter,
'cause kidneys can't tell time.Copy !req
278. Steroid damage could take years.Copy !req
279. No steroids. How many times
does he have to tell you?Copy !req
280. I don't know.Copy !req
281. How many times did he lie about cocaine
before coming clean with the League?Copy !req
282. That's completely different.Copy !req
283. Oh, that's right, I remember.Copy !req
284. You never did come clean.Copy !req
285. The League was out to get you.
They faked the blood tests.Copy !req
286. You had to get yourself a lawyer
and everything.Copy !req
287. If Hank says he never used steroids,
that's the truth.Copy !req
288. That's too badCopy !req
289. because our theory is that
the kidney damage is caused by "A,"Copy !req
290. and everything else is caused by "B."Copy !req
291. The beauty of this theory is that
we can treat "A" and "B."Copy !req
292. But if you add the kidney symptoms
back into the mix,Copy !req
293. then we are looking
at another letter altogether,Copy !req
294. one that is apparently
not in the alphabet.Copy !req
295. We can't fix the bones, no more
baseball, no more breathing,Copy !req
296. no more brain function.Copy !req
297. Get another explanation.Copy !req
298. Okay. Yeah, I think I got one
in my other pants.Copy !req
299. Hold on.Copy !req
300. Five years ago. Bangor, Maine.Copy !req
301. My pitching coach had me on something.
I never knew what it was.Copy !req
302. And you never tried too hard
to find out, either.Copy !req
303. I gained 12 pounds of muscle in,
like, four weeks.Copy !req
304. I'm sorry, babe.Copy !req
305. How you doing, Doc?Copy !req
306. Good. Very good, yeah.Copy !req
307. You want me to put Hank Wiggen
on the transplant list.Copy !req
308. He needs a new kidney. I was thinking
the kidney people might have some.Copy !req
309. Well, they like to save them for people
who have...Copy !req
310. How do I put this? Kidney problems.Copy !req
311. He's a professional ball player.
Brings joy to millions.Copy !req
312. Do you really want to be known as the
hospital that sent him home to die?Copy !req
313. That's a great idea. We could be
the hospital that killed two people,Copy !req
314. the guy who deserved the kidney, and
the ball player we bumped up the listCopy !req
315. when we weren't even sure
what was wrong with him.Copy !req
316. Everything else is related
to the Addison's.Copy !req
317. The test for Addison's was inconclusive.Copy !req
318. The test for Addison's
is always inconclusive.Copy !req
319. Why do we do it at all?
We should just ask you.Copy !req
320. You're not putting him on the list.Copy !req
321. Your powers of deduction
are breathtaking.Copy !req
322. You take a perverse pleasure
in turning me down.Copy !req
323. What I live for.Copy !req
324. Once in a while, though,
try to ruin my day.Copy !req
325. Ask me something I can say "yes" to.Copy !req
326. Oh, I'm sorry, Doctor.
I didn't know you were busy.Copy !req
327. Want me to come back?Copy !req
328. Is he on the list?Copy !req
329. No.Copy !req
330. Then I'm giving him one of mine.Copy !req
331. Okay.Copy !req
332. You're not gonna tell me it's a bad idea?Copy !req
333. Why give a kidney to someone
who might not be able to use it?Copy !req
334. Not my area.Copy !req
335. That is, however, my chair.Copy !req
336. When do we do it?Copy !req
337. Very noble gesture.Copy !req
338. My favorite kind. Dramatic,
yet completely empty.Copy !req
339. The chances of nonidentical twins
being a...Copy !req
340. You live alone?Copy !req
341. You writing a book?Copy !req
342. I made it a question
just 'cause it's more polite.Copy !req
343. You've got a big "keep out" sign
stapled on your forehead.Copy !req
344. That explains it.
I told them to put it on my door.Copy !req
345. Even if real human contact is something
you don't have or even want or need,Copy !req
346. you should at least be able to see it
in other people.Copy !req
347. Yeah. Right. True love.Copy !req
348. That's just how we match organs
these days.Copy !req
349. There's a couple in France, high school
sweethearts, they're trading brains.Copy !req
350. We're a match. Run your tests.Copy !req
351. Hey. Did the lab call? Is she a match?Copy !req
352. Haven't heard yet.Copy !req
353. You got a text message, though.
"Friday night." Very cryptic.Copy !req
354. Gee, thanks for checking.
Can you cover for me?Copy !req
355. Oncology seminar. Right.Copy !req
356. Friday night the same thing
as the car trouble?Copy !req
357. I had car trouble.Copy !req
358. House says you were lying. I believe him.Copy !req
359. What's that? You got a little wet
smudge at the end of your nose.Copy !req
360. Hey, I like the guy. He says what
he wants, does what he wants.Copy !req
361. He won't talk to anyone
unless he can jerk them around.Copy !req
362. Or needs 1,000 bucks.
What is with that?Copy !req
363. I scored.Copy !req
364. It's a brave new world, Doc,
and we are the cutting edge.Copy !req
365. You are looking at two all-access passesCopy !req
366. to paradise itself.Copy !req
367. How much?Copy !req
368. True cost? No man can say.Copy !req
369. Could that man's accountant say?Copy !req
370. One thousand dollars. Friday night.Copy !req
371. The biggest official monster truck jam
in the history of New Jersey.Copy !req
372. Okay, please tell me
you didn't just say Friday night.Copy !req
373. Whatever you've got, you cancel.Copy !req
374. I can't do it.Copy !req
375. Listen, they only give
these tickets to owners.Copy !req
376. Anytime we want to be
in the middle of the track,Copy !req
377. we're in the middle of the track.Copy !req
378. These tickets are so good,
we have to sign a release.Copy !req
379. I mean it. We do this, we could die.Copy !req
380. I've got the oncology thing.Copy !req
381. The rectal cancer lecture,
they booked me a year ago.Copy !req
382. I can't get out.Copy !req
383. There's no way out.Copy !req
384. Fine. I'll ask one of my other friends.Copy !req
385. What? You're saying
I've only got one friend?Copy !req
386. And who?Copy !req
387. Kevin in Bookkeeping.Copy !req
388. Okay, well, first of all, his name's Carl.Copy !req
389. I call him Kevin.Copy !req
390. It's his secret-friendship-club name.Copy !req
391. - It's hookers.
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
392. Multiple hookers.
I mean, House is House, right?Copy !req
393. He's gotta have it his way.
Four or five women.Copy !req
394. This isn't even funny.Copy !req
395. What? You don't think he has sex?Copy !req
396. No, of course he...Copy !req
397. He doesn't have sex, he makes love.Copy !req
398. I didn't say that.Copy !req
399. It's the lab.Copy !req
400. Dr. Foreman.Copy !req
401. Respiratory Therapy, call 4502.Copy !req
402. Respiratory Therapy, pick up 4502.Copy !req
403. If you have the results,
I'd like you to talk to both of us.Copy !req
404. If you don't, I'm late for a meeting.Copy !req
405. Believe me. I'd much rather be
with your better half.Copy !req
406. And by better half,Copy !req
407. of course, I mean the one who struck
out Sammy Sosa on three pitchesCopy !req
408. and talks a lot less.Copy !req
409. But I thought I would talk to you
first, and alone.Copy !req
410. I got your results back from the lab.Copy !req
411. You do match.Copy !req
412. I do?Copy !req
413. You're also pregnant.Copy !req
414. You can't be a donor.Copy !req
415. Not in your current condition.Copy !req
416. Excuse me.
I have to go talk to my husband.Copy !req
417. Heart looks good.
We can schedule the transplant.Copy !req
418. No transplant.Copy !req
419. Lola's not gonna have an abortion.Copy !req
420. Actually, your wife just told me that
she was making an appointment.Copy !req
421. I don't care what she said.Copy !req
422. I think you two need
to discuss this further.Copy !req
423. We've been trying to get pregnant
almost since we met.Copy !req
424. Well, it's your wife's decision
whether or not...Copy !req
425. She wants to trade a child
for a kidney. That's murder.Copy !req
426. I'm not gonna let her do that.Copy !req
427. Foreman says we've got a problem
about the transplant.Copy !req
428. If she terminates the pregnancy, he's
not gonna let himself die on principle.Copy !req
429. Would you give up a baby
for someone you love?Copy !req
430. Please tell me I don't have to decide.Copy !req
431. It depends. How long would they live?Copy !req
432. This is a pragmatic question for you?Copy !req
433. Fifty years, no problem.Copy !req
434. Six months, I say let him die.Copy !req
435. I've actually given this a lot of thought.Copy !req
436. My personal tipping point is seven
years, eight months and 14 days.Copy !req
437. I couldn't do it.Copy !req
438. You found religion?Copy !req
439. Do you have to be religious
to believe a fetus is a life?Copy !req
440. There seems to be a correlation.Copy !req
441. I'm...Copy !req
442. Do you like monster trucks?Copy !req
443. I don't know what they are.Copy !req
444. Right.Copy !req
445. I've got two tickets. Friday night.Copy !req
446. Are you asking me to go with you?Copy !req
447. Sure. Sounds good.Copy !req
448. Like a date?Copy !req
449. Exactly. Except for the date part.Copy !req
450. Forget it.Copy !req
451. No, I was gonna go to
the oncology dinner.Copy !req
452. Of course.
You have to hear Wilson's lecture.Copy !req
453. No. I just found out he canceled,
like, two weeks ago.Copy !req
454. So, what do I wear?Copy !req
455. Still with us, Hank?Copy !req
456. Yeah. I'm here.Copy !req
457. My chest feels funny.Copy !req
458. Tachycardia.
Your heart's beating too fast.Copy !req
459. We're sorting it out.
But you stay with us, all right?Copy !req
460. Keep talking to us, Hank!Copy !req
461. Where's Lola?Copy !req
462. Ten units of insulin subQ,
an IV push D50.Copy !req
463. Base is still dropping.Copy !req
464. Why is his potassium up?Copy !req
465. Damned if I know.Copy !req
466. Kayexalate, too. We gotta suck
that potassium out of him.Copy !req
467. We gotta get his heart rate down.Copy !req
468. We need a crash cart!Copy !req
469. You got it.Copy !req
470. It's definitely not Addison's.Copy !req
471. It's not steroids, either.Copy !req
472. Set. Help in here, please!Copy !req
473. His heart rate is 130 and rising like
a Randy Johnson line drive.Copy !req
474. "A" for effort.Copy !req
475. There's no point in doing the transplant.Copy !req
476. Even if he was stable enough,Copy !req
477. it's obvious that we have no idea
what's wrong with him.Copy !req
478. First it's too high, now it's too low?Copy !req
479. His heart's
not responding to the atropine.Copy !req
480. Heart rate's down to 40.Copy !req
481. I thought it was up.Copy !req
482. Now it's down.
Last time, he went out at 35.Copy !req
483. What's wrong?Copy !req
484. I have no idea.Copy !req
485. Hit him with the atropine
before he gets to 35 again.Copy !req
486. We've already given him three milliliters.Copy !req
487. Apparently that's not enough.Copy !req
488. We can't stabilize his heart rate.Copy !req
489. What did you do to him? Kayexalate.Copy !req
490. His pulse was through the roof.
So was his potassium.Copy !req
491. It wouldn't do this.Copy !req
492. Something did.Copy !req
493. Call me when he's stable. Or dead.Copy !req
494. I remember the first time.Copy !req
495. You weren't even supposed
to be pitching that day.Copy !req
496. I'd flown all the way to Tokyo
to watch this kid,Copy !req
497. and he gets tossed for arguing a call
in the first inning.Copy !req
498. Your pitches. Perfect.Copy !req
499. Ball seemed to go faster than your arm.Copy !req
500. It was like the rules didn't apply,
like physics couldn't slow you down.Copy !req
501. Hot damn, it was beautiful.Copy !req
502. Hey, Warner.Copy !req
503. Hey, kid. How you feeling?Copy !req
504. I hurt.Copy !req
505. My arm, my head, everywhere.Copy !req
506. They must've dialed down the morphine.Copy !req
507. That's just wrong, man. You're in pain.Copy !req
508. Hey, I got something for you.Copy !req
509. No.Copy !req
510. A doc in St. Louis gave them to me
for migraine.Copy !req
511. I'm an addict. I can't take that.Copy !req
512. Even Lola was okay with the morphine.Copy !req
513. This stuff's just a little stronger.Copy !req
514. Come on.Copy !req
515. I'll just try one, Warner.Copy !req
516. Dr. Mulvaney,
please call extension 6134.Copy !req
517. Dr. Mulvaney,
please call extension 6134.Copy !req
518. Three more symptoms.Copy !req
519. Heart rate up. Heart rate down.
Now he's hallucinating.Copy !req
520. You gotta promise not to tell Lola.Copy !req
521. Okay, coach?Copy !req
522. He's not just dreaming?Copy !req
523. No REM. He's actually awake.Copy !req
524. Drugs?Copy !req
525. Not psychedelics.Copy !req
526. Not with the heart symptoms.Copy !req
527. Well, hallucinations
would point to digitalis.Copy !req
528. It would also mess up his heart.Copy !req
529. But he's not on it.
And why would he take it?Copy !req
530. Yeah.Copy !req
531. Pithy analysis.Copy !req
532. I can see why they asked you
to speak at the cancer dinner.Copy !req
533. I'm sorry I'm gonna miss it.Copy !req
534. I'm sorry about the monster trucks.Copy !req
535. No, I think it's great. You're giving back.Copy !req
536. Only thing is,Copy !req
537. digitalis,Copy !req
538. it would only explain the later symptoms,Copy !req
539. not the original ones.Copy !req
540. Sure, you know,
it's got a lot of movement.Copy !req
541. Problem is,
everybody sees the movement.Copy !req
542. You're throwing your curve ball
like you're throwing a curve ball.Copy !req
543. Deception. That's the...Copy !req
544. Same motion.Copy !req
545. Less movement,
but it won't come back at you.Copy !req
546. All right, outfielders, move in!
Right there!Copy !req
547. How'd you get in here?Copy !req
548. Spoke Spanish. Told them I was
the new shortstop from the Dominican.Copy !req
549. How's Hank doing?Copy !req
550. Lousy.Copy !req
551. Around your fingernails, that swelling,
it's called clubbing.Copy !req
552. Hippocrates noticed that a lot of
his friends who also had thatCopy !req
553. tended to frequently grab their chests
and die.Copy !req
554. Yeah, I got a heart condition.
What's wrong with Hank?Copy !req
555. What do you take for it?Copy !req
556. Digitalis.Copy !req
557. Got them with you?Copy !req
558. That's weird.Copy !req
559. I just filled this prescription
a couple days ago.Copy !req
560. There's another bottle here.Copy !req
561. Don't bother.Copy !req
562. Hank Wiggen stole your pills.Copy !req
563. He tried to kill himself.Copy !req
564. So what happened?Copy !req
565. He left the bottle open
while he went to get some water?Copy !req
566. Next time, just take the whole bottle.Copy !req
567. Hey, man, you got no right.Copy !req
568. See, people remember
how many they've got.Copy !req
569. Date's right on the label, number of pills,Copy !req
570. a regular person can do the math.Copy !req
571. But a junkie doesn't have to,Copy !req
572. because how many pills he's got left,
that's all he's thinking about.Copy !req
573. Big insurance policy?Copy !req
574. This isn't about the money.Copy !req
575. Not for you, no.Copy !req
576. Most reputable stores won't cash
your checks after you're dead.Copy !req
577. But for Lola, well, girls like that,
they're all about the money.Copy !req
578. Don't you say that.Copy !req
579. She already saved my life.Copy !req
580. I was dead in Japan,
and she brought me back.Copy !req
581. Everything since then, that's gravy.
That's more than I deserve.Copy !req
582. - You owe her?
- Everything.Copy !req
583. So, the attempted suicide,
the scaring her to death, what is that?Copy !req
584. That's gratitude? Love?Copy !req
585. Yeah, I get that.Copy !req
586. Well, take out what
you did to yourself yesterday.Copy !req
587. We're back to the kidneys
and the bones.Copy !req
588. I'm scheduling the transplant.Copy !req
589. Never visit a patient.Copy !req
590. I want that baby!Copy !req
591. Even if I'm gone,
that's a piece of me and Lola,Copy !req
592. breathing, walking around town,Copy !req
593. going to baseball games.Copy !req
594. If there's any more transplant talk
from you, or Lola, or anybody else,Copy !req
595. I won't screw it up this time.Copy !req
596. I'll take myself out for good.Copy !req
597. I'll start treating the Addison's,Copy !req
598. which will most likely destroy
what's left of your kidneys.Copy !req
599. Fine. Start the treatment.Copy !req
600. Hey.Copy !req
601. Hank Wiggen peed on me.Copy !req
602. What do you think
these pants are worth on eBay?Copy !req
603. I've got some big-boy diapers
in my office.Copy !req
604. The rep hands them out like candy.Copy !req
605. Is it that bad?Copy !req
606. No, not if you like the smell of urine.Copy !req
607. Of course, why should I trust someoneCopy !req
608. who lies about
what he's doing Friday night?Copy !req
609. Question is,
what are you really doing Friday night?Copy !req
610. Or more to the point, what could
possibly be better than monster trucks?Copy !req
611. Or are we breaking up?Copy !req
612. Stacy's coming into town this weekend.Copy !req
613. We're having dinner.Copy !req
614. Just catching up.Copy !req
615. I definitely had pants here.Copy !req
616. Wait a second.
Is that Stacy the stripper?Copy !req
617. I heard she's playing Atlantic City.Copy !req
618. No, Stacy the constitutional lawyer.Copy !req
619. You thought I couldn't handle this news.Copy !req
620. You talk to her a lot?Copy !req
621. No, it's been a long time.Copy !req
622. If you don't want me to see her...Copy !req
623. What is this, eighth grade? I'm fine.Copy !req
624. It's fine if you're upset.Copy !req
625. No, it's...Copy !req
626. I have no right to be upset.Copy !req
627. You two were friends.Copy !req
628. You should see her.Copy !req
629. Say hi for me.Copy !req
630. So, you're okay?Copy !req
631. I'm not the cancer doctor
who's lying about a cancer dinner.Copy !req
632. I'm not the one betraying all those
poor little bald-headed, dying kids.Copy !req
633. I'm gonna go get some pants. I stink.Copy !req
634. You're treating him for Addison's
and you don't think it's gonna work?Copy !req
635. He tried to kill himself.Copy !req
636. I know.Copy !req
637. He's confused. We can have another
baby. I can make him understand that.Copy !req
638. I'm having an abortion. We do the...Copy !req
639. No.Copy !req
640. I can make decisions about my body.Copy !req
641. And he can make decisions about his.
He doesn't want your kidney.Copy !req
642. So, he'll die?Copy !req
643. Probably.Copy !req
644. If you keep that appointment,
he'll also probably die.Copy !req
645. Keep the baby.Copy !req
646. Are you just being polite?Copy !req
647. 'Cause my pants are...Copy !req
648. Oh, they're all wet.Copy !req
649. You can't smell that?Copy !req
650. You think she'll abort anyway,
try to force his hand?Copy !req
651. No, she's not gonna risk losing him.Copy !req
652. That's funny?Copy !req
653. No, the monster trucks.
House asking you, that's...Copy !req
654. That's funny.Copy !req
655. I was the first person he ran into.
He just asked me.Copy !req
656. Yeah, like a date.Copy !req
657. Exactly. Except for the date part.Copy !req
658. If the patient decides to go
the dialysis route,Copy !req
659. we've got some product
you should check out.Copy !req
660. Hey, Dr. Foreman.Copy !req
661. Courtesy of the generous Sharon and the
good folks at Castine Pharmaceuticals.Copy !req
662. I was just telling the guys about
the Bermuda conference in April.Copy !req
663. Three days of sun and scuba,
and one hour of lecture.Copy !req
664. Oh, God,
do we have to go to the lecture?Copy !req
665. So, you're the new Arnie.Copy !req
666. Dr. House. It's good to see you.Copy !req
667. Would you get me a coffee?
Black, no sugar.Copy !req
668. Okay, so who is it?Copy !req
669. Come on.
She's sleeping with one of you.Copy !req
670. Oh, God, please tell me it's you.Copy !req
671. She buys lunches. She doesn't...Copy !req
672. Don't worry. You're not gay.
You're adventurous.Copy !req
673. You think she's gonna prostitute herself?Copy !req
674. The three of us are
that important to her?Copy !req
675. I'm afraid not, no.Copy !req
676. The groupies sleep with the roadies
in order to get to Mick.Copy !req
677. And you're Mick?Copy !req
678. That was the metaphor I was making,
yes.Copy !req
679. Why are you here?Copy !req
680. Damn, it's you.Copy !req
681. It's not Addison's. New symptom.
Inability to smell.Copy !req
682. I was just in Hank's room.Copy !req
683. He said it smelled like the men's room
at Veterans Stadium. He was right.Copy !req
684. We rejected environmental causes
because the wife was healthy.Copy !req
685. Well, she's not. Last six months,
she can't smell a thing.Copy !req
686. If you think of them
as one single patient,Copy !req
687. you add her symptoms to his...Copy !req
688. Cadmium poisoning.Copy !req
689. It explains everything. Even why they
had so much trouble getting pregnant.Copy !req
690. How could they have gotten exposed to
that much cadmium?Copy !req
691. Unless they were eating steel
and batteries for breakfast.Copy !req
692. So, where else is cadmium?Copy !req
693. Some foods, polluted groundwater.Copy !req
694. We should check their home.Copy !req
695. I think I know how it happened.Copy !req
696. I'm gonna need another urine sample.Copy !req
697. - What for?
- Sure.Copy !req
698. Whatever you want.Copy !req
699. Why wouldn't you give it to me before,
but now it's no problem?Copy !req
700. I'm dying, right?Copy !req
701. So you've got nothing to lose this time.Copy !req
702. Begs the question,
what were you worried about last time?Copy !req
703. The funny thing is,Copy !req
704. when we tested you before,
we were just looking for steroids.Copy !req
705. What should we look for now, Hank?Copy !req
706. Hank, what's the story?Copy !req
707. A little weed every now and then
when no one was looking?Copy !req
708. I don't believe this.Copy !req
709. We quit.Copy !req
710. You did.Copy !req
711. If you'd kept going, you wouldn't have
just lost your sense of smell.Copy !req
712. I quit the hard stuff.Copy !req
713. I just needed to relax.Copy !req
714. Based on the symptoms,
you're a lot more than a social user.Copy !req
715. So you've been lying to me all this time?Copy !req
716. I'm sorry.Copy !req
717. There must have been cadmium in the
soil where the marijuana was grown.Copy !req
718. Some people get bone loss,
kidney failure,Copy !req
719. some people's testes shrink,Copy !req
720. and some people lose
their sense of smell.Copy !req
721. We'll start treatment right away.Copy !req
722. You should be fine by Opening Day.Copy !req
723. Baseball's in the summer, right?Copy !req
724. It didn't hurt the baby, did it?
The cadmium?Copy !req
725. If you've been clean,
the baby should be fine.Copy !req
726. Okay.Copy !req
727. Please. I'll stop everything.
I'll go to meetings every day.Copy !req
728. Lola.Copy !req
729. Twice a day.Copy !req
730. How's the ballplayer doing?Copy !req
731. Much better.Copy !req
732. Too bad about his career.Copy !req
733. What do you mean?Copy !req
734. Major League Baseball's collective
bargaining agreementCopy !req
735. requires medical reports on all treatment.Copy !req
736. Given Hank's history,
he's not likely to get much leniency.Copy !req
737. Why should they care
that he's being treated for Addison's?Copy !req
738. You're not treating him for Addison's.Copy !req
739. My report says I am.Copy !req
740. You're lying on the report?Copy !req
741. Well, everybody does stupid things.Copy !req
742. It shouldn't cost them everything
they want in life.Copy !req
743. No, it shouldn't, but it usually does.Copy !req
744. On the other hand, if it means someone
can actually beat the Yankees...Copy !req
745. So what about House? Is there any way
we can get him down there?Copy !req
746. You really want to talk about work?Copy !req
747. No. Not at all.Copy !req
748. That was amazing!Copy !req
749. I'm telling you.
Grave Digger never disappoints.Copy !req
750. You ever been married?Copy !req
751. Well, now, let's not ruin a lovely
night out by getting personal.Copy !req
752. I lived with someone for a while.Copy !req
753. You gonna finish that?Copy !req
754. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
755. I'll race you to the car.Copy !req