1. - What time is it?
Copy !req
2. - Um, I'm gonna say,
we got noon right now?
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3. 12:30?
Copy !req
4. - What is this?
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5. - What?
- This.
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6. Why is this like this?
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7. - Uh, I'm not sure.
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8. - Well, you closed
last night, so...
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9. - Yeah, um...
I don't know, who cares?
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10. I'll clean it up.
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11. - I just don't—
I don't know why
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12. you left a big pile of rags right there.
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13. - Uh, I had to close, and yeah,
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14. so there's a pile of rags that I left,
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15. and I'll clean it up
before we open.
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16. How's this a mystery?
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17. - Pete, the place is always
perfect every time you close,
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18. so I thought you must have a reason.
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19. - So, I didn't.
- Okay.
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20. - I must've just gotten tired
last night and I didn't finish.
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21. - Okay, Pete, you know,
I don't really care.
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22. I'm not— it's not like
I'm judging you.
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23. - Well, you are.
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24. - You know, I'm actually
saying it's because
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25. you're so good at your job,
that's why I'm saying—
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26. Well, you know, it's like—
it's like a pyramid of rags,
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27. it's like you decided to put
a pyramid of rags here.
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28. And you're really good
at closing, that's why—
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29. You know, you understand,
that's like a compliment,
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30. I'm saying, you're so good,
why is that like that?
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31. That's all.
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32. - Okay, I would rather you say
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33. that I just fucked up, all right,
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34. and that I didn't do my job well
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35. than to infer that I would
do something like this
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36. that— for a reason.
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37. I don't like what that infers.
Copy !req
38. - Okay.
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39. Well, uh, you did a shitty job
of closing last night.
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40. - Okay, thank you.
Copy !req
41. You want coffee?
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42. - Yeah.
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43. Thank you.
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44. Hey, this is good.
Why is this good?
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45. - I ordered some beans
from the computer.
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46. Yeah, I like it.
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47. - What time is it?
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48. - It's like getting close
to 1:00.
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49. - Hey, it's Dad.
Can you please call me back?
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50. Just trying to reach you.
Okay, thanks.
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51. What time are they coming today?
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52. - I don't know,
around 5:00, I think.
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53. - Fuck.
- I know.
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54. - Horace?
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55. - Hi.
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56. - Oh.
- Hey.
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57. - I didn't know where you went.
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58. I got out of the shower
and you were just—
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59. You were just gone and—
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60. I was all around the apartment
calling your name,
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61. but you just vanished.
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62. - Well, I was down here,
I was— I was opening up.
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63. - Yeah. Hi Pete, good morning.
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64. - Hi, Rachel, good morning.
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65. - Come here.
- Okay.
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66. - Hi.
- Hi.
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67. - Okay, bye.
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68. - Okay.
- I will see you later tonight.
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69. - Okay. Bye.
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70. - Should I open you up?
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71. - Yeah, just go ahead
and leave it open,
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72. we're open, so open it.
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73. Thank you.
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74. - Bye.
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75. - Thanks.
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76. - It's 1:00.
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77. - This is Headline News Update.
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78. - Hey, man.
Can I get a coffee, black?
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79. - Here's our top stories that
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80. we're looking at for today.
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81. Candidates are gearing up
for the nation's first primaries
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82. and the caucus tomorrow night in Iowa.
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83. Donald Trump still leading
the polls ahead of Ted Cruz.
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84. At a rally today in Des Moines,
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85. Trump's supporters
said that he is the man...
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86. - Trump, Jesus.
- What?
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87. Wait, why not Trump?
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88. - 'Cause he's a... jerk.
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89. Drops out of the debates,
and I don't know,
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90. I think he'd ruin this country.
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91. - Okay. So?
Why not that?
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92. Like, what's so fucking great
about this country?
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93. Listen, man, if we vote for him,
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94. that just means
we want to go down,
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95. so let us go down.
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96. - Yeah, I guess.
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97. Hi, Marsha.
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98. - Hey, Pete.
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99. - Yeah, listen, nothing lasts
forever, man, you know?
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100. That's just how a democracy
declines, right?
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101. The populace degenerates
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102. until they elect a guy like that
and he just ruins what's left.
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103. I mean, we used to be great.
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104. We used to be—
have a great work force.
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105. We used to be educated.
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106. We used to pretend
to be moral, right?
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107. Now everything's made
in China by fucking babies.
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108. Everybody's stupid on purpose
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109. and nobody gives a shit
about anything
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110. except consumer pleasures,
so why not Trump?
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111. Let's just get
this shit over with.
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112. That should be his slogan.
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113. "Let's get
this shit over with."
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114. - Hi, honey, um, I keep going
to voicemail when I call you
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115. and then you keep texting me,
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116. and I really don't
want to text with you,
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117. so can you please not text and—
and pick up the phone, okay?
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118. Thank you.
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119. Jesus Christ.
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120. - Hey, Nick.
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121. Hey, who do you got
for the Super Bowl?
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122. - I don't know,
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123. I don't have a dog in the fight
this year, you know?
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124. So I guess it comes down to
quarterbacks this year for me.
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125. Kinda old school, versus new.
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126. I like Peyton Manning,
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127. that's what a quarterback
is supposed to look like,
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128. you know, like a—
like a senator
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129. with a busted nose
from the '50s.
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130. Not a— I'm not
a big Cam Newton fan.
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131. - Oh, Jesus.
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132. Cam Newton, that fucking guy
makes me nuts.
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133. I mean, that—
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134. Grinning like a monkey
all the time,
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135. jumping around,
show boating.
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136. I mean, why is there no humility
left in this sport, huh?
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137. - Yeah, but how can you
tell that he's—
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138. that he's grinning with his—
when he has his helmet on?
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139. - Well, you can see it.
- You can't tell he's grinning.
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140. - What the fuck-,
what are you talking about?
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141. You can see the grin
a mile away.
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142. All he does is grin.
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143. - Stop it.
- Oh, shut up.
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144. - You guys are just afraid
of an exuberant black man, that's all it is.
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145. - Oh, got me pegged.
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146. - I don't know,
I like the Super Bowl.
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147. You know, because of all
the cheering and the—
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148. people get excited.
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149. - Leon.
- Thanks, Pete.
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150. - Hello, Marsha,
you need another one?
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151. - Always.
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152. - I'm not going if she's there.
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153. I think she's a dumb bitch.
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154. No, I'm at this bar.
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155. I don't know,
just having a drink.
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156. - Turn that off.
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157. You want to make
a telephone call, go over there.
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158. - Sorry, um...
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159. can I have a double Jack?
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160. - Hey, Pete, um...
listen, you know,
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161. my sister's coming later with
her lawyer to hash everything.
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162. - Yeah, I know.
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163. - So I was thinking that maybe
you shouldn't be here.
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164. - Why's that?
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165. - Because I—
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166. sometimes, when there's
a conflict, you can be—
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167. you can be kind of an asshole,
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168. and I just don't want
to deal with it.
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169. Look, I'm not—
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170. I'm not trying to insult you,
I just—
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171. - You're not insulting me.
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172. - Okay, well, there's a lot at stake here.
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173. - Oh, yeah?
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174. - The whole place is at stake, Pete.
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175. - The whole place?
- Yeah.
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176. - Hey, Horace.
- Oh, fuck.
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177. - First of all, fuck you,
you dumb cocksucker.
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178. Maybe you're afraid
of your fucking sister,
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179. but I'm not afraid
of your fucking sister.
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180. - All right, Pete.
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181. - And I'll tell you what else,
you miserable cunt.
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182. - Jesus Christ, man, all right.
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183. - No, you know what?
I'll be here if I feel like it.
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184. I mean, when did you start
being the one to tell me
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185. where to go and what to do,
what to say?
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186. Jesus Christ, cocksucker.
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187. - All right, all right.
- You know the thing with you, Horace?
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188. You're not a cocksucker,
you're a piss ant.
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189. - All right, do what you want.
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190. - Oh, oh, oh...
- You do what you want.
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191. - Walk away, walk away.
- Yeah, I'm walking away.
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192. - Piss ant.
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193. You know what a piss ant is—
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194. Leon, you know what
a piss ant is?
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195. - I feel like I know.
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196. - A piss ant is an insect
that has no value,
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197. but it smells like piss.
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198. You know, at least a cocksucker
can do something.
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199. Suck cock.
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200. But a piss ant just sits there
in the door jamb,
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201. smelling like piss.
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202. - I was wrong,
I thought it was a kind of car.
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203. - Why'd you do that?
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204. - I was trying
to make things easier.
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205. - Well, it felt like
you made things harder.
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206. I mean, you had to know
it was gonna go that way.
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207. Why'd you do it?
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208. - I didn't know.
- How could you not know?
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209. You walk up to Uncle Pete
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210. and say, "Don't come tonight
because you're an asshole?"
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211. And then he says what?
"Okay, Horace?"
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212. I mean, it feels like you
did that on purpose.
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213. - I— oh, you're saying this
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214. because of what I said
about the rags.
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215. That's why you're giving me
this shit now?
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216. - How did I end up with
a piss ant for a nephew?
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217. I mean, his father, Horace VII,
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218. he wasn't a piss ant,
right, Marsha?
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219. - I never heard him
described that way.
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220. - Oh, but now get his piss ant son
Horace telling me
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221. I gotta get lost because
he's afraid of his sister
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222. coming over here
with her Jew lawyer.
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223. - Um, that's pretty racist.
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224. - Um, racist is what you do,
not what you say.
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225. This place ain't racist.
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226. We served coloreds here
in the '30s.
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227. - Oh, my God.
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228. - Yeah, nobody would serve
boogies in those days.
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229. I got a picture of a nigger
sitting right there
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230. in that stool, in 1930.
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231. You look at that
and call me a racist.
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232. - Ugh, God damn it, Jesus.
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233. - Don't worry,
he'll run himself down.
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234. - Fuck.
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235. - My father, Pete VI,
he used to say,
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236. "If niggers drink beer,
then we're all niggers."
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237. Racist, I'll give you
fucking racist.
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238. - That guy's a nightmare.
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239. - Don't come in here, then.
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240. - How about I come in here
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241. and he stops being
a gross racist?
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242. Why is that not an option?
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243. - What I would love
is if you were to shut up.
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244. - Oh, my God.
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245. - Hi, it's Dad, leaving you
another message.
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246. Please don't text me.
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247. I am not gonna respond
to your texts, okay?
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248. So please call me on the phone.
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249. I don't want to communicate
with you that way, please.
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250. Thank you.
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251. - Whoa!
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252. - What was that?
What happened.
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253. - Oh, uh, nothing, nothing,
I'm sorry.
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254. - You all right?
- Yeah, I'm just...
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255. - What does it mean that
you're an assistant D.A.?
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256. I never really knew
what that meant.
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257. - Well, the district attorney,
Ken Thompson, he runs the office
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258. and he directs
what kinds of cases
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259. and what cases
we bring to court,
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260. and assistant district attorneys
like myself
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261. bring the cases to court.
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262. - How many assistant D.A.s are there?
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263. - In Brooklyn, about 800.
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264. - Oh, that's weird.
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265. - Why is that weird?
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266. - I don't know, that's weird,
like, it seems like a lot?
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267. I thought it was
an impressive thing,
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268. like, you're the D.A.'s assistant,
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269. but there's a bunch of you
all doing the same thing.
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270. Hundreds of you.
It's just not as—
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271. - Yeah, it's not impressive,
I didn't say it was.
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272. - I know, I'm just saying,
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273. I thought it sounded
like a big shot job.
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274. - No, I didn't say
it was a big shot job,
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275. I mean, you asked what I do,
that's all.
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276. - Yeah, but when you're talking
about your job, you're saying,
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277. "Like, you know,
like, look at me.
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278. "This is what I do,
this is something special,
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279. "like, I'm the D.A.'s assistant.
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280. "You know, like,
I work for the city,
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281. "and I put away bad guys
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282. and it's just, you know,
me and him."
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283. But there's just, like,
a bunch of you all
Copy !req
284. doing the same thing.
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285. Have you even ever
met the D.A.?
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286. - Uh, no, I haven't, all right?
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287. It's not impressive,
I didn't say it was.
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288. It's just my job, that's all.
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289. - But you have to figure
that the D.A.
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290. was once an assistant D.A., right?
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291. And he worked his way up,
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292. so you can work your way up
and then someday, right?
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293. - Not really.
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294. - Why not?
Why not really?
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295. - Well, because,
when he was an A.D.A.,
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296. he was probably in his late 20s,
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297. and now he's still
younger than me,
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298. so I'm not going anywhere.
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299. It's just a job,
that's all.
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300. - So how old are you, anyways?
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301. - I'm almost 50.
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302. - So how come you're 50
and you're still doing that?
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303. - Oh, my God.
This is like a total dive bar.
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304. - This place is amazing.
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305. - Where are all these fucking
people coming from?
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306. - Outside, I hope.
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307. - Can I get, um,
two vodka martinis?
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308. - No mixed drinks.
- What?
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309. - No mixed drinks.
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310. Beer, whiskey, gin, vodka.
Copy !req
311. - Oh, um...
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312. - Hi, Alice.
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313. - Hi, Uncle Pete.
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314. Is my dad around?
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315. - Yeah, he's in the back trying
to get you on the phone.
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316. - I know.
How are you?
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317. - I'm, uh... yeah, good.
How's your mom?
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318. - She's, you know.
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319. - Hey, I found some
old pictures of you
Copy !req
320. that I took when
you were a baby.
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321. - Oh, nice.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
322. I was just cleaning up my room
Copy !req
323. and there's a lot
of old stuff in there
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324. and I found these
old pictures of me
Copy !req
325. when I was, like, ten,
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326. and of you when
you were a baby and—
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327. and some old black & white photos from,
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328. I don't know, way back when,
that somebody took in the family.
Copy !req
329. And there's just—
Copy !req
330. there's just so much old stuff
in there, you know?
Copy !req
331. - Nice.
You doing okay?
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332. - Yeah. Yeah, I'm great, yeah.
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333. So nice to see you.
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334. Yeah, we never see you anymore.
Copy !req
335. You gonna— you gonna come by
for Easter?
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336. - Um, I don't know.
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337. Hadn't really
thought about it, so.
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338. - Oh, all right,
well, uh...
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339. it's nice to see you
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340. and your dad's over there
in the phone zone.
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341. - Okay, thanks, Pete.
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342. - Shit!
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343. - Hi, Marsha.
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344. - Is that Alice?
- Yeah, hi.
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345. - Oh. Are you here
to see your daddy?
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346. - Yep.
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347. - Kiss.
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348. - Oh, um...
no, thank you.
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349. - Oh, you don't want to kiss
your grandma?
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350. - Well, you're not my grandma.
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351. You were my dad's dad's
last girlfriend, so...
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352. - Well, that never
stopped you before.
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353. I mean, you always
used to kiss me.
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354. - Yeah, I think that was before
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355. I figured out that
I don't have to, so.
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356. I never—
I never really liked it.
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357. - Wow. Huh?
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358. That's really mean.
That's really mean, Alice.
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359. I didn't think
you could be mean.
Copy !req
360. - Sorry, Marsha,
I'm not trying to be mean.
Copy !req
361. - Well...
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362. You should try it sometime.
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363. You have an aptitude.
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364. - Dad.
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365. - Oh, hey.
- Hi.
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366. I was just close by
so I just came over.
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367. - Well... I just didn't—
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368. I just didn't want to text with you,
I wanted to talk on the phone.
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369. - Yeah, I know, I know, I know.
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370. Well, I'm here in person,
so it's better, right?
Copy !req
371. - It's just, you could have called me,
it would have been okay for—
Copy !req
372. - What do you want me to do, Dad?
Copy !req
373. You want me to step outside
and call you?
Copy !req
374. Is that more in
your comfort zone?
Copy !req
375. - No, it's okay.
- Okay.
Copy !req
376. - I'm sorry.
Um... hey.
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377. - Hi.
- You want to sit down?
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378. - Sure.
Copy !req
379. - Is Pete okay?
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380. - Yeah, yeah, why?
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381. - I don't know, just—
he seems a little...
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382. - Yeah, he's okay,
he's all right.
Copy !req
383. - Dad.
Copy !req
384. - Hey, so, look, I just—
Copy !req
385. I've just been trying
to reach you because,
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386. I don't know, I feel like you're mad at me.
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387. - What?
- Yeah, I feel like—
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388. Yeah, I just— I get this feeling like—
Copy !req
389. like, we didn't have a fight
or anything, but something—
Copy !req
390. It just feels like something
happened that you're—
Copy !req
391. Like, did I—
is there something that I—
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392. - No, it's—
- I'm sorry, I'm—
Copy !req
393. I just, I— I feel
a bad feeling between us.
Copy !req
394. - Yeah, I— I just—
Copy !req
395. Do you want to get
into this right now?
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396. - I'm just trying—
I'm just saying that I—
Copy !req
397. I'm getting a feeling like
something's wrong,
Copy !req
398. and so I'm coming out
and saying something.
Copy !req
399. Isn't that—
is that a bad thing?
Copy !req
400. - Yeah, yeah, it is,
it's kinda shitty, Dad.
Copy !req
401. - Whoa.
- "Whoa" what?
Copy !req
402. You asked the question,
do you want to know the answer?
Copy !req
403. - What did I do?
- Oh, my... fucking God.
Copy !req
404. - What?
Copy !req
405. - You know—
- Honey, I don't—
Copy !req
406. - No, it's like, you are not aware
of anything, you know?
Copy !req
407. You, like, look at a person's face,
Copy !req
408. and if they're smiling,
you're fine,
Copy !req
409. and if they're not,
then you're sad.
Copy !req
410. - It— isn't that normal?
Copy !req
411. - Yeah, for a five-year-old,
but you're 50, you know?
Copy !req
412. And there are reasons
why I need some boundaries.
Copy !req
413. - I— Why?
I don't understand.
Copy !req
414. - I don't—
- Okay.
Copy !req
415. - Nothing happened.
Did something happen?
Copy !req
416. - Okay. There's this tortoise
and a frog.
Copy !req
417. - Is this like a joke or a story?
Copy !req
418. - So, there's this tortoise
and a frog
Copy !req
419. and they live together
in kind of, like—
Copy !req
420. like a swamp, you know?
Copy !req
421. And one day, the frog eats
the tortoise's eggs.
Copy !req
422. - He eats his eggs?
- Her eggs.
Copy !req
423. - What does—
Copy !req
424. So she cooks some eggs
and then he made her breakfast.
Copy !req
425. - The tortoise laid eggs,
the tortoise didn't—
Copy !req
426. how would a tortoise cook eggs?
Copy !req
427. - I don't know, you're talking
about them like they're people,
Copy !req
428. so I don't understand what
the rules are of this story.
Copy !req
429. - Okay, so the tortoise laid eggs.
Copy !req
430. - Okay.
- That's how she has babies.
Copy !req
431. And you know, the tortoise,
she protects her eggs.
Copy !req
432. - Yeah.
Copy !req
433. - And one day,
the frog is hopping by
Copy !req
434. and it eats the tortoise's eggs.
Copy !req
435. - Shit.
- Yeah, it's bad.
Copy !req
436. And then the next day,
the frog is hopping by
Copy !req
437. and it's her best friend...
Copy !req
438. and you know, the tortoise
Copy !req
439. is looking kind of pissed
at the frog.
Copy !req
440. And the frog says,
"Why are you mad at me?"
Copy !req
441. - Okay. I get it.
Copy !req
442. - You know?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
443. - Like, you are my dad, so I'm—
Copy !req
444. like, my brother won't even
say your name and I'm trying.
Copy !req
445. You know, like,
I like to see you,
Copy !req
446. I like to come around, I like to
have you in my tech cycle.
Copy !req
447. - Yeah.
- But that's my choice.
Copy !req
448. And, like, you don't—
Copy !req
449. you don't make me smile,
Copy !req
450. because of stuff that
we both know about.
Copy !req
451. So I don't know what
you want me to say,
Copy !req
452. and I don't know
what you want me to do.
Copy !req
453. You want me to just smile
so that you can feel good?
Copy !req
454. - It wouldn't kill you, would it?
Copy !req
455. - Yeah, it would, actually,
I don't want to smile.
Copy !req
456. I'm not gonna smile.
Copy !req
457. - That's because you're fat.
Copy !req
458. It's not your fault, Horace.
Copy !req
459. I mean, she won't smile
because you're unhappy, right?
Copy !req
460. I mean, you're unhappy
because you're overweight.
Copy !req
461. - Uh, thank you so much,
Marsha, thanks.
Copy !req
462. - Yeah, you know, I mean,
it's all right.
Copy !req
463. It's just—
Copy !req
464. you should smile for your daddy,
don't blame him.
Copy !req
465. - Marsha, Marsha, Marsha,
could you—
Copy !req
466. - You're overweight.
- Marsha, shut up, please.
Copy !req
467. - Hey, shut up.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Copy !req
468. Don't talk to her like that.
Copy !req
469. - If you don't want to be fat—
- She's calling my daughter fat.
Copy !req
470. - Shut up!
If you don't want to be fat—
Copy !req
471. - Well, look at her.
Copy !req
472. She's bigger around the middle
than everybody else.
Copy !req
473. - Both of you, please—
please shut up, both of you.
Copy !req
474. - Hey, Alice.
Copy !req
475. You know, your Aunt Reeny
was fatter than you.
Copy !req
476. She loved life.
Copy !req
477. - God damn it.
- No, really, remember her?
Copy !req
478. - Yeah.
- She was a happy fat girl.
Copy !req
479. I'm just saying,
it's possible.
Copy !req
480. - Okay. Okay, Pete.
Copy !req
481. And what about Cassie,
Copy !req
482. your daughter,
my dad's cousin Cassie?
Copy !req
483. What about her?
Copy !req
484. - What is that supposed to mean?
Copy !req
485. What? You trying to make me feel bad
Copy !req
486. because my daughter died?
Copy !req
487. I was trying to be nice to you.
Copy !req
488. - You should enjoy
being a fat girl,
Copy !req
489. it's not a bad thing.
Copy !req
490. - There.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
491. This has been a very nice visit
and a real joy.
Copy !req
492. - Okay, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
Copy !req
493. Where— how— how—
how are you doing?
Copy !req
494. - What?
- I mean, how are you?
Copy !req
495. That's all I just want to ever
say is how you doing?
Copy !req
496. Are you okay?
Have you been okay?
Copy !req
497. - I mean, no, not really.
Copy !req
498. - You're not? What's going on?
What's wrong?
Copy !req
499. - I'm losing my apartment.
- Why?
Copy !req
500. - Because I was paying my rent
to my roommate
Copy !req
501. and she wasn't
paying the landlord, so...
Copy !req
502. - What was she doing with the—
with the money?
Copy !req
503. - Just being a piece of shit.
Copy !req
504. - Well, what are you gonna do?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
505. I'm— and I have to start
studying for the bar,
Copy !req
506. so I'm just— I'm fucked.
Copy !req
507. - Move in here with me.
- No.
Copy !req
508. - Why not?
That's a great idea.
Copy !req
509. I have plenty of room upstairs.
Copy !req
510. - No.
- I got rooms.
Copy !req
511. - Dad, I'm not gonna
live with you.
Copy !req
512. - This is a solution
to the problem.
Copy !req
513. - I'm saying—
- No.
Copy !req
514. - I can— I can do that for you.
Copy !req
515. - No, that's psychotic.
Copy !req
516. - Why?
- Because.
Copy !req
517. I'm not gonna live with you
doing your whole thing.
Copy !req
518. - It's Rachel.
You don't like Rachel?
Copy !req
519. - I mean...
- You don't like Rachel.
Copy !req
520. - That's not fair to her
and that's not fair to me.
Copy !req
521. - I'm just saying,
if Rachel didn't live here,
Copy !req
522. then you could move in with me.
Copy !req
523. - Oh, my fucking God, okay.
Copy !req
524. - Spend time together.
- Jesus. Bye!
Copy !req
525. Bye, everyone.
Thank you.
Copy !req
526. - Fuck.
Copy !req
527. This place is toxic.
Copy !req
528. She's— she's like—
Copy !req
529. she's got this wall
between me and her.
Copy !req
530. I don't know.
Copy !req
531. - I mean, I don't have kids,
but it seems to be fundamental,
Copy !req
532. you just need to make an effort.
Copy !req
533. - What effort am I not making?
Copy !req
534. I just asked her
to move in with me.
Copy !req
535. - Well, that's a grand gesture,
but isn't parenting more about,
Copy !req
536. you know, like,
the everyday things?
Copy !req
537. Everyday.
Small things, you—
Copy !req
538. you take her to lunch,
you listen to her.
Copy !req
539. One day at a time,
you see what grows.
Copy !req
540. - You know, Pete, you don't have kids,
so maybe— you know?
Copy !req
541. - All right, well,
I'm just saying.
Copy !req
542. - You know, maybe don't.
Copy !req
543. - Horace, Horace.
Copy !req
544. - What?
- Horace.
Copy !req
545. - What?
Copy !req
546. - What?
- Oh, shit.
Copy !req
547. Nothing, nothing.
It was nothing.
Copy !req
548. - Nothing?
Copy !req
549. Pete, what is going on with you?
Copy !req
550. You're taking your
Probitol, right?
Copy !req
551. - Well, I ran out.
- You ran out?
Copy !req
552. What do you mean you ran out?
Copy !req
553. - They changed my insurance again
Copy !req
554. and then they were supposed
to send me new cards,
Copy !req
555. and they didn't, and I fucked up
'cause I didn't call.
Copy !req
556. And that shit is $100 a pill
without the insurance.
Copy !req
557. - Yeah.
Copy !req
558. You're out?
Are you out?
Copy !req
559. - I got distracted last month
Copy !req
560. when it happened, and I was
supposed to take care of it
Copy !req
561. and I didn't
and I— and then I—
Copy !req
562. Now I'm less cognizant,
Copy !req
563. you know, but what I'm doing
is I'm taking less pills.
Copy !req
564. - Oh, no, no, no, no.
- Just to spread it out.
Copy !req
565. - Pete, that doesn't work
that way.
Copy !req
566. - Well, I got—
I got one left.
Copy !req
567. - That's it?
- Yeah, so I'm just gonna wait.
Copy !req
568. This is my last 12 hours of sanity.
Copy !req
569. - Wait for what, Pete?
Copy !req
570. We have to take you
to the doctor.
Copy !req
571. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Why?
Copy !req
572. - They take—
if I go to a doctor,
Copy !req
573. I'm so full of symptoms,
Copy !req
574. he's gonna send me right back
to the hospital, all right?
Copy !req
575. That I don't need, I'm just—
Copy !req
576. Horace, it's—
Copy !req
577. I feel like I'm,
you know, dying here.
Copy !req
578. Like I'm slipping into
the crazy land.
Copy !req
579. - Well, Pete, we gotta take care of it,
we just have to take care of it.
Copy !req
580. - No, it's not your problem,
it's my problem.
Copy !req
581. - It's very much my problem
Copy !req
582. and it's gonna become more
my problem, too, right?
Copy !req
583. So give me your shit,
what do you have?
Copy !req
584. You gotta get your paperwork
and get me involved.
Copy !req
585. - I have it, I— it's—
this is the—
Copy !req
586. that's the old insurance company.
Copy !req
587. - Okay.
Copy !req
588. - But they sold my policy to someone else
and I don't know who to call.
Copy !req
589. - I got it, I got it, okay?
Copy !req
590. - All right.
- Shit.
Copy !req
591. - What the hell is this?
- Oh, my God.
Copy !req
592. - This bar is so old,
it's amazing.
Copy !req
593. - Hey.
- Hi, can we get two Coronas?
Copy !req
594. - All right, all you people, out, now.
Copy !req
595. - Whoa, whoa, wait, what are you—
what are you doing?
Copy !req
596. - There's too many people in here.
Copy !req
597. There hasn't been
this many people
Copy !req
598. since the bar opened
100 years ago.
Copy !req
599. Come on, bar's closing, let's go.
Copy !req
600. - No, no, no, no, no, you can't
throw out our customers.
Copy !req
601. - Hey, these aren't our customers,
Copy !req
602. these people want martinis and Coronas.
Copy !req
603. - God damn it, Pete,
what the fuck is wrong with you?
Copy !req
604. - What, what, do you think you can
run this place without me?
Copy !req
605. - You're not running it!
- Get out!
Copy !req
606. Get out! Get—
Get out, get out!
Copy !req
607. - Pete. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, Pete!
Copy !req
608. Get out!
Copy !req
609. - Hey, hey, hey...
- Hey, Pete!
Copy !req
610. - Get out!
- What the fuck?
Copy !req
611. - Hey, take it easy!
There's nobody there!
Copy !req
612. - Pete.
Copy !req
613. - Jesus Christ.
- Shit.
Copy !req
614. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
615. - It's okay, it's okay.
- No, it's not okay.
Copy !req
616. What kind of a person acts like that?
Copy !req
617. - He's off his medication.
Copy !req
618. - Well, put him in a cage
or something for Christ's sake,
Copy !req
619. we got customers here.
Copy !req
620. - Man, that shit was intense.
Copy !req
621. - What happened?
What did you see?
Copy !req
622. - It's a— like a snake-headed thing,
Copy !req
623. it was horrible, big teeth.
Copy !req
624. - Did you get rid of it?
Copy !req
625. - Excuse me.
Copy !req
626. Uh, is this really
Horace & Pete?
Copy !req
627. - Yeah, this is Horace & Pete's.
Copy !req
628. - Well, I just can't believe
that this place is still here.
Copy !req
629. Is it still run by
a Horace and a Pete?
Copy !req
630. - Yes, I'm Horace, this is Pete.
Copy !req
631. That's a previous Pete,
Uncle Pete.
Copy !req
632. - What, you used
to come here or what?
Copy !req
633. - Yeah, I used to come here
when I was a kid.
Copy !req
634. My mother would send me here
for a pail of beer for my dad.
Copy !req
635. - Yeah, we used to sell beer pails
out the back.
Copy !req
636. - Yeah, and I— I came here
to get my first beer.
Copy !req
637. And I met my wife here.
Copy !req
638. She was sitting... in that stool.
Copy !req
639. Yeah, and we were— we were
married for years,
Copy !req
640. and I— I was happy.
Copy !req
641. And then I heard that she was
sleeping with my best friend.
Copy !req
642. And so I showed up here one night
Copy !req
643. and she was sitting
in that stool, again,
Copy !req
644. with my best friend kissing her,
Copy !req
645. and I just shot them both dead.
Copy !req
646. That was back in 1961.
Copy !req
647. I just got out of—
got out of jail today.
Copy !req
648. - Is that guy really there?
Copy !req
649. - Yeah, he's there.
Copy !req
650. - Hey, you want a beer?
You want a beer?
Copy !req
651. - Yeah.
Copy !req
652. - What's the last one you had
since 1961?
Copy !req
653. - Yes. Yes.
Copy !req
654. - What— what are they saying?
Copy !req
655. - I'm on hold,
he's not saying anything.
Copy !req
656. You okay?
Copy !req
657. - No.
Copy !req
658. - Why don't you
take the last one?
Copy !req
659. - Because, then,
after that, I'm...
Copy !req
660. - Okay.
- I just want to wait.
Copy !req
661. - All right.
Copy !req
662. - They're gonna be here soon,
we should get down there.
Copy !req
663. - The accountant's already
down there talking to Pete.
Copy !req
664. - Well, that's not good.
Copy !req
665. - I know.
Copy !req
666. - I'm telling you,
we should get down there.
Copy !req
667. - You're not going anywhere,
I'll take care of it.
Copy !req
668. - Well, you're gonna need me
down there, Horace.
Copy !req
669. - What's that?
Copy !req
670. Yes, yes, please.
Yes, okay.
Copy !req
671. Uh, so can you—
can you send the new cards?
Copy !req
672. 'Cause that's the whole thing
is that we need the cards.
Copy !req
673. - You conservatives are trying
to find something
Copy !req
674. in Hillary's e-mails because you have
nothing real to say about her.
Copy !req
675. You're incapable of a real debate.
Copy !req
676. - Yeah, well,
the problem with you liberals,
Copy !req
677. you think you're the good guys,
you think that gives you a pass
Copy !req
678. to do random criminal acts, you know?
Copy !req
679. Ooh, I— I saved an owl,
now I can go kill a baby.
Copy !req
680. - That seems like—
you must know that's not true.
Copy !req
681. - It's kind of an interesting thing,
Copy !req
682. the way you guys define
yourselves and each other.
Copy !req
683. Liberal, conservative.
Copy !req
684. How would you define a liberal?
Copy !req
685. Like, to you,
what is a liberal?
Copy !req
686. - Just P.C., fucking fake,
animal rights,
Copy !req
687. and gay agenda, always pushing
the liberal agenda.
Copy !req
688. They hate Christians
and they hate white men.
Copy !req
689. You know why?
'Cause they don't think it through.
Copy !req
690. And they think they're better
than everyone else
Copy !req
691. and that they should tell
everyone else how to think.
Copy !req
692. They're just fucking assholes.
Copy !req
693. - Okay. How would you define
a conservative?
Copy !req
694. - Uh, just Jesus everything
and they hate gay people
Copy !req
695. and racist but pretending they're not,
Copy !req
696. and they're selfish
and they only care about money
Copy !req
697. and they think everyone has to do
their conservative Christian shit.
Copy !req
698. - See, the fact that you start out
by seeing each other like that,
Copy !req
699. I mean, how could you
possibly ever respect each other
Copy !req
700. or agree on anything?
Copy !req
701. - Yeah, well,
they do that, I don't.
Copy !req
702. - You just said you do.
Copy !req
703. You just described us
with a string of insults.
Copy !req
704. - Just like you did.
- Yeah—
Copy !req
705. - Okay, okay, okay.
This is getting interesting.
Copy !req
706. Now, you, define conservative.
Copy !req
707. - Conservative means values.
Copy !req
708. Having values
and sticking to 'em
Copy !req
709. and defending what's right
and not just saying
Copy !req
710. what somebody said is right that year,
you know what I mean?
Copy !req
711. There's— there's things in this
world that are right and wrong
Copy !req
712. and always have been.
Copy !req
713. And you have to respect
where this country came from,
Copy !req
714. and you have to hold on to that.
Copy !req
715. And the fact that country
and God and life,
Copy !req
716. those are all sacred things.
Copy !req
717. And people should
respect each other,
Copy !req
718. and government is there
to facilitate, all right?
Copy !req
719. It's not there
to control people.
Copy !req
720. And the way you get
the best out of people
Copy !req
721. is to make room
for their strengths,
Copy !req
722. not by overcompensating
for their weaknesses.
Copy !req
723. - Well, that sounds reasonable.
Copy !req
724. That sounds like something
most people can respect, right?
Copy !req
725. - Yeah.
- Now, define liberal.
Copy !req
726. - Just being open to things
outside yourself,
Copy !req
727. having your eyes open
and thinking about others,
Copy !req
728. and being aware
that our planet is precious
Copy !req
729. and we're responsible for that.
Copy !req
730. And people need to listen
to each other.
Copy !req
731. And be decent and tolerant
and that a diverse community
Copy !req
732. is a strong community.
Copy !req
733. And sometimes the little guy
needs a hand.
Copy !req
734. And we're a strong enough
country to do that,
Copy !req
735. and so we should.
Copy !req
736. - Okay, how's that sound?
Copy !req
737. - Sometimes, yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Copy !req
738. - Yeah? So, if you start by taking
his definition of himself
Copy !req
739. and he starts with
your definition of you,
Copy !req
740. don't you stand a better chance,
Copy !req
741. have a better shot at getting
to some sort of consensus?
Copy !req
742. - Who said they want that?
Copy !req
743. - Well, that's another thing.
Copy !req
744. - They're not trying
to reach an agreement.
Copy !req
745. This is fucking sports.
Copy !req
746. - Hillary Clinton is a cunt,
and I'm a liberal.
Copy !req
747. - Look, do you know how lucky
we are to live in this country?
Copy !req
748. You think this conversation
is happening in a bar
Copy !req
749. in any other country?
Copy !req
750. - God, I hope not.
Copy !req
751. - Give me a fucking break.
Copy !req
752. This country is not that great.
Copy !req
753. It's not even
a democracy anymore.
Copy !req
754. - Then go live in Afghanistan,
you got the fucking beard for it.
Copy !req
755. - You know what
the sad thing is?
Copy !req
756. This country has such potential.
Copy !req
757. It's not a democracy,
you're right.
Copy !req
758. But it could be, tomorrow.
Copy !req
759. If the people woke up,
they could change the whole thing.
Copy !req
760. The whole system's set up
and waiting.
Copy !req
761. It's just sitting there
like exercise equipment,
Copy !req
762. waiting to be touched
while your fat ass watches TV.
Copy !req
763. If everybody woke up tomorrow
Copy !req
764. and said, "We're not gonna spend
another fucking dollar
Copy !req
765. "or cast another vote
or fight another bullshit war
Copy !req
766. until we get our fair share,"
that shit would change tomorrow.
Copy !req
767. But it fucking won't,
and the framers knew this.
Copy !req
768. That's the sick part.
Copy !req
769. They were sitting in their little room
with their buckled shoes.
Copy !req
770. And one of them,
probably Jefferson,
Copy !req
771. because he had the clearest head
Copy !req
772. from blowing all his jizz
on slave faces,
Copy !req
773. said, "Hey, the way
to control these people
Copy !req
774. "is not to suppress them.
Copy !req
775. That doesn't work anymore."
Copy !req
776. - That's right,
that's what history shows us.
Copy !req
777. Look at the French.
Look at Cromwell.
Copy !req
778. They knew that every time you
give the control to the people,
Copy !req
779. all of the control,
they don't want it,
Copy !req
780. they give it right back.
Copy !req
781. - Because they're fucking sheep.
- Those are Frenchmen.
Copy !req
782. - The reason the few and the rich
control all the power
Copy !req
783. is because the many poor
and stupid let them.
Copy !req
784. They're too afraid to try
to succeed at anything,
Copy !req
785. they want to dream about
rich people and never be one.
Copy !req
786. It's pathetic.
Copy !req
787. And then you sit here
Copy !req
788. doing your little
"Punch and Judy" puppet show,
Copy !req
789. as if it matters if you're a liberal
and you're a conservative.
Copy !req
790. You're both suckers.
Copy !req
791. - Sheep suckers!
Copy !req
792. - There you go.
- Sheep suckers!
Copy !req
793. - Sheep suckers.
- Sheep suckers.
Copy !req
794. - Oh, she's my favorite.
Copy !req
795. - Hey, I'm Horace.
Copy !req
796. Um, you need some information?
Copy !req
797. - Yeah, actually,
I'm having trouble finding,
Copy !req
798. really, any information in these books.
Copy !req
799. - Okay, well,
what do you need to know?
Copy !req
800. - Okay, well, what do you
pay your employees?
Copy !req
801. - I mean, we don't have a waitress
or anything, we just have—
Copy !req
802. You know, he's the bartender.
Copy !req
803. - Okay, what's his
salary per week?
Copy !req
804. - I don't know.
I mean, it's whatever he takes.
Copy !req
805. - Takes?
- Yeah, he just goes—
Copy !req
806. He takes out of the register
at the end of the day,
Copy !req
807. he keeps what he needs
and then he takes the rest to the bank.
Copy !req
808. - Okay. How much did he
take this week?
Copy !req
809. - I don't know.
Copy !req
810. - Excuse me.
- Excuse you what?
Copy !req
811. - I've just been informed
that you help yourself
Copy !req
812. to the company profits
at your own discretion.
Copy !req
813. So would you mind telling me
how much you paid yourself this week?
Copy !req
814. - Yes, I would mind, very much.
Copy !req
815. - Okay, well, I need to know.
Copy !req
816. - No, you don't.
Copy !req
817. - Look, I was sent here
to examine the—
Copy !req
818. - Yeah, yeah, you were sent here.
I didn't send for you.
Copy !req
819. You have no right
to come in here
Copy !req
820. and ask me these
personal questions.
Copy !req
821. - Except it's not
a personal question.
Copy !req
822. - Oh, no, it's not?
Copy !req
823. You're asking me
how much money I have.
Copy !req
824. How about I ask you if you
like to fuck little boys?
Copy !req
825. See? See what that feels like?
Copy !req
826. - Okay.
Copy !req
827. So your bartender's salary
is undeterminable.
Copy !req
828. - Yeah, yeah,
I would say that.
Copy !req
829. - And how do you justify that?
Copy !req
830. - Well, the lights are on
Copy !req
831. and the place has been
open for 100 years.
Copy !req
832. - Got it.
Copy !req
833. Okay, also, I've noticed
a strange discrepancy
Copy !req
834. in your inventory
and sales ledger.
Copy !req
835. You can see here,
it shows that you buy
Copy !req
836. a case of Johnny Walker Black per month
Copy !req
837. and that you sell
two cases per month.
Copy !req
838. - Uh-huh, yeah.
- Okay, and that same thing
Copy !req
839. holds true of every liquor
that you sell.
Copy !req
840. Can you explain that?
Copy !req
841. - Yeah, I can, but—
but I don't want to.
Copy !req
842. - Why is that?
Copy !req
843. - 'Cause it's not a good explanation.
Copy !req
844. - Do you want me
to say it for you?
Copy !req
845. Because I think we both know
what we're talking about.
Copy !req
846. - Sure.
- You're watering down the liquor.
Copy !req
847. - Yeah.
- By 50%.
Copy !req
848. - Yeah.
Copy !req
849. - That's indefensible.
Copy !req
850. - That's why I didn't
want to say it.
Copy !req
851. - Why would you do that?
- Why?
Copy !req
852. Because you make twice
the money.
Copy !req
853. What's wrong with this guy?
Copy !req
854. - How can you do that
to your customers?
Copy !req
855. - Do you know what would happen
if we served unwatered whiskey
Copy !req
856. to these rummies?
Copy !req
857. Half of them would have been
dead years ago.
Copy !req
858. These aren't customers.
They're alcoholics.
Copy !req
859. - Sir, that is a deception.
Copy !req
860. - Oh.
- That is a terrible deception.
Copy !req
861. - Oh, all right, look,
everybody listen up.
Copy !req
862. Get out of the way.
Copy !req
863. Listen up.
Copy !req
864. Just want to let you know,
Copy !req
865. we've been watering down your drinks,
for years, for 100 years.
Copy !req
866. So when you get a shot,
Copy !req
867. it's about half booze, half water.
Copy !req
868. Anybody have
a problem with that?
Copy !req
869. - I knew it.
- You fuckers.
Copy !req
870. - This place is so awesome.
Copy !req
871. - Have a good day now, okay?
Copy !req
872. Okay, everybody,
listen, we need to close up early.
Copy !req
873. - Shit!
- Everybody's got to go.
Copy !req
874. You all gotta go, now.
Copy !req
875. - Why are they closing?
- See you, Leon.
Copy !req
876. Have a good one.
Copy !req
877. - So, um, want to get a six-pack,
go back to my apartment?
Copy !req
878. - You want me to?
Copy !req
879. - You want to?
Copy !req
880. - Marsha, stick around.
Copy !req
881. - Why should she stick around?
Copy !req
882. - Because this concerns her.
- Concerns her how?
Copy !req
883. - Stick around, Marsha.
Copy !req
884. - Hello, Sylvia.
Copy !req
885. You're not gonna say anything.
Copy !req
886. What's, this some kind of game?
Copy !req
887. - No, I have nothing
to say to you.
Copy !req
888. - Not even hello?
Copy !req
889. - No, especially not hello.
- Not hello.
Copy !req
890. You're a mess.
Copy !req
891. - Hi, how are you?
- I'm good.
Copy !req
892. Are you okay?
Copy !req
893. - I'm all right.
- Good.
Copy !req
894. - You doing all right?
- Yeah, you know.
Copy !req
895. - Yeah.
- Fine, fine.
Copy !req
896. You taking care of yourself?
Copy !req
897. - Yeah. Mostly.
Copy !req
898. - How is Rachel?
She still living with you?
Copy !req
899. - Yeah.
- Good.
Copy !req
900. - Still.
Copy !req
901. - Did you take care of the urinary tract thing
or did you just sort of ride it out?
Copy !req
902. - Sylvia, yes, it's fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
- All right.
Copy !req
903. - You doing all right?
Copy !req
904. - Yeah.
- You all right?
Copy !req
905. - Yeah, you know.
Copy !req
906. Kids go back to school
in a couple of weeks,
Copy !req
907. Franklin's been hanging
around my house all summer
Copy !req
908. with his loser friends.
Copy !req
909. I swear to God, I pay
that school 26 grand a year
Copy !req
910. just to keep him away from me.
Copy !req
911. - Hey, Pete, come on down.
Copy !req
912. - No, no, no, no, no,
hey, hey, let him rest,
Copy !req
913. he can't— just, he needs—
Copy !req
914. - This is a family meeting.
Copy !req
915. He's the reigning Pete,
he's got to be present.
Copy !req
916. - No, this is not
a family meeting,
Copy !req
917. this is a courtesy meeting
before I bring legal action.
Copy !req
918. So why is she here?
Copy !req
919. - She?
Copy !req
920. - I said, she stays, too.
- Oh, she.
Copy !req
921. - What, because she was
the last person our dad
Copy !req
922. was fucking before he died?
Copy !req
923. That doesn't make
her family, Pete.
Copy !req
924. - Fucking is how you make family.
Copy !req
925. - Oh, Christ almighty.
Copy !req
926. - Now, what's this?
This your legal action here?
Copy !req
927. - Yes, this is Randall.
Randall— Randall is representing me.
Copy !req
928. - Hello, nice to meet you all.
Copy !req
929. I hope we can resolve this amicably.
Copy !req
930. - This is your representation?
This is your lawyer?
Copy !req
931. - Yes.
- Randall?
Copy !req
932. Hello, Randall.
Copy !req
933. - Come on, Pete,
stop with that.
Copy !req
934. - What? He's a sissy.
Copy !req
935. - Come on, it's 2016.
Copy !req
936. - Not for him, it isn't.
Cro-Magnon idiot.
Copy !req
937. - Don't bother, Sylvia.
Copy !req
938. - No, his homophobic bullshit
is unacceptable.
Copy !req
939. - Well, I wouldn't have gotten
very far as a lawyer in New York
Copy !req
940. if I didn't accept it.
Copy !req
941. At least I don't have to put up
with it every day like he does.
Copy !req
942. - Hey, Pete.
- Pete, hi.
Copy !req
943. - Hi, Sylvia.
Copy !req
944. - He ran out of Probitol.
Copy !req
945. - He what? How— how could you
let that happen?
Copy !req
946. - I didn't let it happen.
Copy !req
947. - So what the hell's wrong
with you, anyway?
Copy !req
948. What, you get cuckoo
if you don't have a pill?
Copy !req
949. - Pete, Pete,
he has a mental condition.
Copy !req
950. - No, come on, he's just agitated,
that's all.
Copy !req
951. So what?
You calm down.
Copy !req
952. You know, you feel something strange
coming on, you just— you calm down.
Copy !req
953. What the hell do you
need a pill for?
Copy !req
954. - Listen, I would really
like to get started
Copy !req
955. because we have
a bit of ground to cover.
Copy !req
956. From my read of things,
Copy !req
957. this case covers
a common law issue
Copy !req
958. regarding Sylvia
and her brothers,
Copy !req
959. involving this bar,
Copy !req
960. which they inherited from their
father when he died a year ago.
Copy !req
961. - That's not what happened,
that's not the way this works.
Copy !req
962. You know, you have
no business being here.
Copy !req
963. - Pete, please, don't start with the—
the nonsense about
Copy !req
964. the Horace & Pete lineage,
this is not "Game of Thrones."
Copy !req
965. - Okay, Mister—
Copy !req
966. - It's Uncle Pete.
- Okay.
Copy !req
967. If my notes are correct,
Copy !req
968. you were Horace Sr.'s first cousin?
Copy !req
969. Which really gives you no role here.
Copy !req
970. - Hey, screw you, Randall.
Copy !req
971. He was Horace
and I was Pete
Copy !req
972. and now he's gone
and that makes me Uncle Pete
Copy !req
973. and these two now are
Horace and Pete.
Copy !req
974. - All right,
we're not gonna do this,
Copy !req
975. okay, 'cause this is old bullshit malarkey.
Copy !req
976. - This is how it's been done
for 100 years!
Copy !req
977. 100 years!
Copy !req
978. - Okay, everyone, please
just a minute here.
Copy !req
979. Let's just get
the facts clear first.
Copy !req
980. Horace & Pete, this bar,
Copy !req
981. previously owned
by Horace Wittel,
Copy !req
982. deceased one year ago today.
Copy !req
983. - Really?
- Yeah, it's not a coincidence.
Copy !req
984. - Go ahead.
- Okay.
Copy !req
985. Mr. Wittel, having left
no will on record,
Copy !req
986. common law is applied,
Copy !req
987. leaving care and ownership
to his children,
Copy !req
988. Horace Wittel VIII
and Sylvia Wittel.
Copy !req
989. - None of that's true.
Copy !req
990. - Hey, can we let him finish,
please?
Copy !req
991. - He didn't leave it to her,
he left it to Horace and Pete.
Copy !req
992. - Okay, common law says
that he left it
Copy !req
993. to all of his children
equally, by default,
Copy !req
994. and that after a year,
Copy !req
995. because these two have let
the business steadily decline,
Copy !req
996. I as a partner have
a right to take over control
Copy !req
997. of the business to dissolve it.
Copy !req
998. - This bar belongs
to Horace and Pete.
Copy !req
999. Marsha here gets a cut
Copy !req
1000. when business is good,
I get my cut.
Copy !req
1001. - No, no, not anymore.
Copy !req
1002. - And Sylvia, if you want
a share of this,
Copy !req
1003. then I suggest you
get knocked up,
Copy !req
1004. if any man will have you,
Copy !req
1005. and then give birth to
a son and call him Horace,
Copy !req
1006. because you're not gonna get anything
bringing this fag in here.
Copy !req
1007. - Holy shit.
Copy !req
1008. - No offense, Randall.
Copy !req
1009. - Peter—
- No, no, just a minute, Sylvia.
Copy !req
1010. This is what you
brought me here for.
Copy !req
1011. Okay.
Copy !req
1012. So tell me, Peter...
Copy !req
1013. Tell me what you know that I don't.
Copy !req
1014. - Because, like you said,
Horace VII left no will,
Copy !req
1015. because we don't use wills,
we don't leave wills.
Copy !req
1016. We have traditions.
Copy !req
1017. - Okay, Pete,
none of this means anything.
Copy !req
1018. - No, I want to hear this.
Copy !req
1019. - Go ahead, tell him.
Tell him all the whole thing.
Copy !req
1020. - Horace & Pete's
was opened in 1916—
Copy !req
1021. - Oh, for fuck's sake.
Copy !req
1022. - I'm telling the story.
- Go ahead, tell it.
Copy !req
1023. - Hey, I have a story.
Copy !req
1024. - I'll tell it.
Copy !req
1025. Come over here.
Come here.
Copy !req
1026. Do you drink?
Copy !req
1027. - Sure.
Copy !req
1028. - Take a taste of that.
Copy !req
1029. - Wow, that's wonderful.
Copy !req
1030. - That's because
it's 100 years old.
Copy !req
1031. That, my Miss Randall,
Copy !req
1032. was the first bottle of whiskey
ever purchased for this place.
Copy !req
1033. - I mean, that is the most
incredible whiskey I've ever tasted.
Copy !req
1034. I've never tasted
anything like that.
Copy !req
1035. It's like... drinking time.
Copy !req
1036. - This bottle was bought
by Horace Wittel.
Copy !req
1037. Wittel, Horace Wittel.
Copy !req
1038. And in 1916,
he started this place
Copy !req
1039. and operated it with his brother, Pete.
Copy !req
1040. Now, in the meantime,
Copy !req
1041. Horace had a son named Horace
and Pete had a son named Pete.
Copy !req
1042. And when they died,
Copy !req
1043. those Horace and Pete inherited
the place and they ran it
Copy !req
1044. as the new Horace and Pete.
Copy !req
1045. And it's been like that,
passing down from generation
Copy !req
1046. to generation ever since then.
Copy !req
1047. Always in the family,
Copy !req
1048. always owned by a Horace
Copy !req
1049. and operated in partnership
with a Pete.
Copy !req
1050. Sometimes they were brothers,
sometimes they were cousins.
Copy !req
1051. Me and my cousin Horace
owned this place
Copy !req
1052. until he died a year ago today.
Copy !req
1053. And then it was passed on
to this worthless fuck Horace
Copy !req
1054. and his worthless fuck cousin Pete.
Copy !req
1055. - So—
- What?
Copy !req
1056. - What?
Copy !req
1057. - You said cousin.
- So?
Copy !req
1058. - We're not cousins,
we're brothers.
Copy !req
1059. - No, you're not, stupid.
- No, Pete, our brother Pete.
Copy !req
1060. - No, he's not.
Copy !req
1061. - What are you talking about?
Copy !req
1062. - Horace wasn't your father.
Copy !req
1063. - Yes, he was.
Copy !req
1064. - No, he was—
Copy !req
1065. He was my kid.
Copy !req
1066. I don't like kids.
Copy !req
1067. So I put him in with Horace's,
that's all.
Copy !req
1068. - Are you fucking serious?
Copy !req
1069. - What? It's not serious.
It's what is.
Copy !req
1070. - Wait a minute.
Copy !req
1071. So who's his mother?
Copy !req
1072. - Never mind that.
That— that's none of your business.
Copy !req
1073. - No, I kinda think it is, Pete.
Copy !req
1074. - Oh, okay, all right,
she had him and she died
Copy !req
1075. and then I have him over
to Horace when Sylvia was two.
Copy !req
1076. - You're not—
you're not kidding.
Copy !req
1077. - This is— this is true?
So you gave up your son?
Copy !req
1078. - I don't like kids.
Copy !req
1079. - And then you married
Aunt Dorothy and had—
Copy !req
1080. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.
Copy !req
1081. Look, that's not the story here.
Copy !req
1082. This is the story here,
let me tell the fucking story!
Copy !req
1083. - Dad?
Copy !req
1084. - Oh, don't start that shit now,
I'm not your father.
Copy !req
1085. I'm Uncle Pete.
Copy !req
1086. Just keep things the way they are.
Copy !req
1087. Uncle Pete, that's it.
Copy !req
1088. - Oh, my God, wow.
Copy !req
1089. - Wow.
Copy !req
1090. - This is the best whiskey in the world.
Copy !req
1091. I mean, wow.
Copy !req
1092. - This faggot likes whiskey.
Copy !req
1093. - That's why when mom left
and moved to Manhattan,
Copy !req
1094. she only took you two, not me,
because she's not my mom.
Copy !req
1095. - Yeah, you'll catch on real quick.
Copy !req
1096. - Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1097. - Look, I kept you in the family,
didn't I?
Copy !req
1098. You're Pete.
Copy !req
1099. You're the new Pete
of this new generation.
Copy !req
1100. That means you own this bar
along with Horace
Copy !req
1101. and you can do with it
whatever you want.
Copy !req
1102. - None of this is written down
or documented anywhere.
Copy !req
1103. It has absolutely no basis in law.
Copy !req
1104. It is fucking madness.
Copy !req
1105. This place belongs
to me and Horace,
Copy !req
1106. through basic common law, okay?
Copy !req
1107. - Randall, please?
- That's right.
Copy !req
1108. - Common law.
- Common law.
Copy !req
1109. - Common law.
Okay, now, look, I'm not—
Copy !req
1110. You know, I'm not
an educated guy or anything,
Copy !req
1111. but it seems to me
that common law
Copy !req
1112. is when there's
nothing written down, right?
Copy !req
1113. Like there's no will, right?
Copy !req
1114. And that's when you go
Copy !req
1115. to a generally agreed upon principle of law,
is that— is that right?
Copy !req
1116. - Yeah, pretty close.
Copy !req
1117. - So what about our family law?
Copy !req
1118. What about—
what about our common law?
Copy !req
1119. - What do you mean?
Copy !req
1120. - This family,
this establishment has a tradition,
Copy !req
1121. it has a history,
Copy !req
1122. it has bylaws that have been
followed by the letter
Copy !req
1123. for a 100 years.
Copy !req
1124. You're gonna tell me that if
this goes in front of a judge,
Copy !req
1125. he's not gonna
pay some respect to that?
Copy !req
1126. Here in Brooklyn?
Copy !req
1127. - Well, not—
- No, that is why we are here.
Copy !req
1128. Because common law,
not family law,
Copy !req
1129. common law dictates that
because he fucked the place up,
Copy !req
1130. it gives me the right to sell it.
Copy !req
1131. - Oh, stop it.
Copy !req
1132. You're not gonna
sell this place.
Copy !req
1133. I see you coming a mile away.
Copy !req
1134. - What are you?
Copy !req
1135. - It's always been a woman
in this family
Copy !req
1136. always trying to shut the place down.
Copy !req
1137. You know, the very first
Horace & Petes,
Copy !req
1138. they started this place
just to get away from their wives.
Copy !req
1139. It's always been a female
in the family.
Copy !req
1140. - Oh, my God, Pete,
are you proud of that?
Copy !req
1141. All that misery in this
fucked-up place in our family?
Copy !req
1142. Why are you holding on to that?
Copy !req
1143. Why do you want us
to hold on to that?
Copy !req
1144. Why can't we all—
Copy !req
1145. - We're not gonna
close this place down!
Copy !req
1146. - Pete, Pete, you are
the most unhappy man
Copy !req
1147. I have ever known
in my whole life.
Copy !req
1148. My whole life.
Copy !req
1149. Horace is gone.
Everybody's gone, okay?
Copy !req
1150. Let us sell this place.
Copy !req
1151. Let us get on with our lives.
Copy !req
1152. We will get you nice place
in Florida.
Copy !req
1153. You can get a mail order bride,
Copy !req
1154. you can fuck her mouth
until you're dead.
Copy !req
1155. Our brother can go back
to his accounting job
Copy !req
1156. with real live human beings
and pretend he's one of them.
Copy !req
1157. - A 100 years, Sylvia.
Copy !req
1158. - 100 years of misery is enough,
it's enough, Pete.
Copy !req
1159. Misery is something you get past,
Copy !req
1160. not something you pass on
to your children.
Copy !req
1161. - Boy, if your father could hear you...
Copy !req
1162. - Yeah, my father was a wife-beater
Copy !req
1163. and a fucking brute
and a narcissist.
Copy !req
1164. And thank God
our mother got us out of here.
Copy !req
1165. How many wives have been beaten
in this place, Pete?
Copy !req
1166. This has never
been a good thing.
Copy !req
1167. So you are Pete's father.
Copy !req
1168. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1169. - Yeah, now I just got that, too.
Copy !req
1170. - Boy, did you fuck things up, Horace.
Copy !req
1171. You see what a mess you made
by not stepping up?
Copy !req
1172. You're supposed to be
the fucking boss.
Copy !req
1173. - I don't— I don't care.
Copy !req
1174. - You should be defending
this place, you, not me, I'm old.
Copy !req
1175. - I don't care.
Copy !req
1176. I'm not the new Horace, okay?
Copy !req
1177. I'm not— I'm not the boss,
I'm not my dad.
Copy !req
1178. - You're a loser.
- Okay, fine.
Copy !req
1179. I'm a loser,
if that's what you want.
Copy !req
1180. And fuck you, by the way,
from before.
Copy !req
1181. - What?
Copy !req
1182. - You said— earlier,
you said fuck you to me,
Copy !req
1183. so fuck you, too.
Copy !req
1184. - Oh, well, fuck you.
Copy !req
1185. - Fuck you.
Copy !req
1186. - Stop it.
Just stop it!
Copy !req
1187. - Oh, oh, here goes this again.
Copy !req
1188. - All of you just stop.
Copy !req
1189. - He's talking to invisible monsters.
Copy !req
1190. - No, I'm talking to you.
Copy !req
1191. And you and you.
Copy !req
1192. Sylvia, have some respect,
this is your family.
Copy !req
1193. You don't bring in a lawyer
to break up your family.
Copy !req
1194. And Horace,
Copy !req
1195. do you think you have
no responsibility to everyone?
Copy !req
1196. Never mind what kind
of Horace you are,
Copy !req
1197. what kind of man are you, huh?
Copy !req
1198. And Uncle Pete,
or whatever you are to me,
Copy !req
1199. you want to blame us?
Copy !req
1200. You want to tell
your fucking story?
Copy !req
1201. You want to pour our whiskey
to this stranger
Copy !req
1202. and tell him the 100-year story
Copy !req
1203. of Horace and Petes
and how they were all saints?
Copy !req
1204. Just an unbroken chain
of fucking saints,
Copy !req
1205. Horace after Horace,
Peter after Pete,
Copy !req
1206. not an asshole in the bunch,
and how this place thrived
Copy !req
1207. until this Horace and Pete.
Copy !req
1208. - Sounds right to me.
- Yeah, tell yourself another story.
Copy !req
1209. Yeah, we're probably the worst
Horace and Pete yet.
Copy !req
1210. I'm incompetent
and he's unwilling,
Copy !req
1211. but whose fault is that, huh?
Copy !req
1212. How did this place survive
for 100 years?
Copy !req
1213. A family business,
how did it survive?
Copy !req
1214. - Because all the Horace
and Petes before you
Copy !req
1215. were good fathers,
Copy !req
1216. that's why.
Copy !req
1217. Because they kept
the family together.
Copy !req
1218. Yes, they beat their wives
and they raised their sons right.
Copy !req
1219. What kind of fathers
were you two?
Copy !req
1220. You, the Pete and the Horace
before us, their dad,
Copy !req
1221. who until a minute ago,
I thought he was my dad.
Copy !req
1222. Yeah, you two were lucky.
Copy !req
1223. You fucking lived
somewhere else.
Copy !req
1224. I had to stay here
Copy !req
1225. and watch that guy love
nobody but himself.
Copy !req
1226. Three wives,
he loved none of them.
Copy !req
1227. And you, Pete, what kind of
a father were you?
Copy !req
1228. Look at me, Pete!
Copy !req
1229. Family law?
Copy !req
1230. What kind of a family man are you?
Copy !req
1231. None of us has a claim
to this fucking place.
Copy !req
1232. And I'll tell you something else.
Copy !req
1233. Yeah, I am fucking crazy
and you think that's funny.
Copy !req
1234. Let me tell you this right now.
Copy !req
1235. If you ever talk to Sylvia
the way you did today,
Copy !req
1236. ever again, I'll be the crazy guy
who tore your fucking head off.
Copy !req
1237. - You took the last Probitol, huh?
Copy !req
1238. - Yeah, while I was upstairs.
Copy !req
1239. - This bar belongs
to Horace and Pete.
Copy !req
1240. Marsha gets a cut,
Copy !req
1241. because she was Horace VII's final love,
Copy !req
1242. and I get mine.
Copy !req
1243. And you two can give your sister
whatever she wants,
Copy !req
1244. or whatever you want to give her
because she has no rights here.
Copy !req
1245. - Okay, none of that
will stand up in court, so.
Copy !req
1246. - Well, this has been
a real pleasure.
Copy !req
1247. - None of it will stand.
Copy !req
1248. - Let's go, Sylvia.
Copy !req
1249. - Marsha, as long as I'm alive,
you're okay here.
Copy !req
1250. - Thank you, Pete.
Copy !req
1251. - You got closing?
Copy !req
1252. - I got it.
- Okay.
Copy !req
1253. - Good night, Marsha.
Copy !req
1254. Good night, Sylvia.
Copy !req
1255. - I love you, honey.
- Love you, too.
Copy !req
1256. - Good night.
- Good night.
Copy !req
1257. - Horace?
Copy !req
1258. - Hi.
- Hi.
Copy !req
1259. - Hey.
- Hi.
Copy !req
1260. - Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
Copy !req
1261. - Ugh, what a day.
Copy !req
1262. I went to the farmer's market
Copy !req
1263. and got some of those
purple green beans.
Copy !req
1264. Mm, you remember them?
Copy !req
1265. - Yeah.
Copy !req
1266. - You know, it's so weird,
there's just this one guy
Copy !req
1267. and that's all he sells.
Copy !req
1268. You have to come with me
to the farmer's market, Horace,
Copy !req
1269. it is so sweet.
Copy !req
1270. These people are farmers
Copy !req
1271. and they come to Brooklyn
to sell their wares.
Copy !req
1272. And their eyes are all squinty
Copy !req
1273. from spending their whole lives in the sun
Copy !req
1274. and— and they have
the soil on their hands and—
Copy !req
1275. and they just bring the country to the city
with them
Copy !req
1276. and they have this—
I don't know,
Copy !req
1277. this relaxed look
on their face, you know?
Copy !req
1278. And it just makes you realize
that we all just worry,
Copy !req
1279. and we don't have to,
Copy !req
1280. 'cause if you wanted to plant
a seed in the ground
Copy !req
1281. and just eat what grows,
then you could, you know?
Copy !req
1282. And this one guy
with the purple green beans—
Copy !req
1283. He— he is just—
Copy !req
1284. he has this dog and he just
sits in this old chair...
Copy !req
1285. - Rachel.
- ... which I guess he must have
Copy !req
1286. brought from the farm, because—
Copy !req
1287. - Rachel.
- What?
Copy !req
1288. - Um... I...
Copy !req
1289. I think maybe
you should move out.
Copy !req
1290. - What?
Copy !req
1291. - I feel like I—
I think we rushed into this.
Copy !req
1292. I don't think that we
thought it through.
Copy !req
1293. I think that—
Copy !req
1294. I'm not—
Copy !req
1295. I'm not ready to live with
a woman again
Copy !req
1296. and it's not fair to you that—
Copy !req
1297. you know, and I got my kids...
Copy !req
1298. - Horace, uh...
Copy !req
1299. - I'm sorry, I just—
Copy !req
1300. - What are you, um...
Copy !req
1301. I don't— what are—
you don't—
Copy !req
1302. you don't mean this.
Copy !req
1303. - I think I do,
I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1304. I think I do.
Copy !req
1305. - You're kicking me out?
Copy !req
1306. - No, no, no, no, no,
I mean, you can stay,
Copy !req
1307. until you figure something else.
Copy !req
1308. - Uh-huh, until I figure
something out.
Copy !req
1309. Because you've—
Copy !req
1310. you've already figured it
all out, so, um...
Copy !req
1311. - I'm just saying that
you can stay here—
Copy !req
1312. you can stay here
until you find a—
Copy !req
1313. - Okay, okay, oh, my God.
Copy !req
1314. God, uh...
Copy !req
1315. - Rachel.
- No, don't.
Copy !req
1316. No, uh-uh, not now.
Copy !req
1317. - Well, I—
- Bad job, buddy, real bad.
Copy !req
1318. Yeah, real bad.
Copy !req
1319. - I know.
- No, no, you don't know.
Copy !req
1320. - I'm sorry.
- You don't.
Copy !req
1321. This is the worst.
The worst.
Copy !req
1322. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1323. - Fuck.
Copy !req
1324. - Hey, listen.
- Just— shh.
Copy !req
1325. - Listen.
Copy !req
1326. - No.
Copy !req
1327. - Fuck.
Copy !req
1328. Hi, it's—
hi, it's Dad.
Copy !req
1329. Can you call me, please?
Copy !req
1330. Just wanted to—
Copy !req
1331. just give me a call
when you get a minute.
Copy !req
1332. It's Dad, thanks.
Copy !req
1333. - How come Rachel was crying?
Copy !req
1334. - I asked her to... move out.
Copy !req
1335. - Oh.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1336. - Man.
Copy !req
1337. - How long is that—
that last Probitol gonna last?
Copy !req
1338. - About 12— 12 more hours.
Copy !req
1339. - Well, bottom line is that
in about three days,
Copy !req
1340. we can get you more
in three days, then you're back.
Copy !req
1341. - Okay, then I need you
to lock me in my room
Copy !req
1342. for the next two days,
and I mean for real.
Copy !req
1343. - Okay.
Copy !req
1344. - Look...
Copy !req
1345. I wasn't lucid the whole time
down there.
Copy !req
1346. Did I hear Uncle Pete
say that he's my father?
Copy !req
1347. Eh...
Copy !req
1348. So we're not even brothers?
Copy !req
1349. - Well, Pete,
we're in our fifties.
Copy !req
1350. I mean, what's the difference?
Copy !req
1351. - Yeah.
Copy !req