1. Okay, Jeremy, run,
hurry up! Move!
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2. So I'm directing
the school play,
you know.
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3. It's not bad.
Big break for me.
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4. If you like directing
school plays, yeah.
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5. Yeah, it's gonna be
pretty good, I think.
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6. But here's the cool part.
They said I can cast
one faculty member.
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7. The answer's no.
I was thinking about you.
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8. I know.
The answer's no.
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9. What do you think?
I said no.
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10. Let me tell you
about the play
a little.
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11. It's called Bye Bye Greasy.
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12. Mm-hmm.
Are you familiar with...
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13. Yeah.
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14. I have the copy if you want...
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15. Let's go back
and figure out
what just happened.
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16. I said no.
Uh-huh.
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17. Then I said no.
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18. Then you kept going.
Then I said no.
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19. Right.
So now we're done.
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20. Have fun with your school play.
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21. Have fun with the school play.
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22. Good-bye.
Okay.
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23. It's a 1950s musical.
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24. I know what
the musical is, Brendon.
I know Bye Bye Greasy.
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25. Then you're probably familiar
with Quick Rick.
The drag racer.
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26. He's like the coolest guy
in the entire play. Hello.
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27. There are no cool guys
in musicals.
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28. Coach, leather jacket,
T-shirt...
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29. Are you not listening to me?
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30. Sleeve rolled up,
pack of cigarettes...
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31. We are not having
a conversation anymore.
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32. But check this out...
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33. And this is where I need you...
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34. I'm gonna have you
drive your car onstage.
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35. Your car is gonna be
part of the play.
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36. You mean if I played
Quick Rick, I would
drive my car onstage.
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37. Yes.
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38. That's physically...
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39. No, it's not
physically impossible.
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40. The big double doors
in the back?
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41. Yeah?
You can get a car
in there.
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42. Oh.
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43. Look on page seven.
Right.
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44. "Quick Rick enters."
But you notice I wrote,
"In his car."
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45. So I drive up onstage.
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46. Yeah, yeah.
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47. Arm on the side.
Tip down your glasses.
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48. "What's cookin'?"
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49. The audience goes nuts.
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50. Wow, that's practically
a fantasy of mine...
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51. To drive a car in a building.
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52. And then you go,
"I'm out of here."
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53. Drive off.
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54. Drive off the stage.
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55. All right.
That's cool.
I'll do that.
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56. "What's cookin'?"
Quick Rick.
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57. Hi, Coach. Hey, Brendon.
Hey.
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58. Melissa, where you been?
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59. I was at the doctor.
I have a note.
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60. Let me see it.
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61. Does it say on the note
that I found out
I'm allergic to kiwi
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62. and if I eat one I could die?
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63. No.
'Cause that's what
I found out.
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64. That's too bad.
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65. Now I have to carry an epipen
that has medicine in it,
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66. and if I eat a kiwi,
I need one of you
to stick me with it.
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67. Great story, Melissa.
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68. Brendon, so when do we
start rehearsing this?
Can I drive onstage...
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69. I don't think we're gonna
be able to drive the car
in rehearsals.
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70. What would happen is,
if I ate a kiwi by accident,
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71. my throat could close up,
and I couldn't
breathe anymore.
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72. All right,
don't eat kiwis.
And I could die.
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73. We're gonna save it for
the big performance...
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74. I gotta test it out.
Like Evel Knievel...
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75. A simple kiwi
is like a loaded gun
now for me.
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76. I gotta tell you,
I'm a great driver.
I know.
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77. I probably could've
been a stunt driver.
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78. I just never got going
in that direction.
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79. Should I show you how to use it?
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80. Brendon.
Yeah.
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81. Let's go to the car.
Okay.
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82. Show you couple of moves.
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83. Show you what I can do.
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84. In case of emergency.
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85. Everybody keep practicing!
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86. Brendon and I
are going to the car.
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87. My name is Walter.
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88. And my name is Perry.
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89. And we're auditioning
for Bye Bye Greasy.
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90. Yeah.
Ready?
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91. Okay, stop,
stop, stop.
That was good.
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92. I got pretty good
roles for you guys.
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93. Perry, you're gonna play Hank.
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94. He's a garage monkey
who hangs out with Malone
and works on cars.
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95. Oh, okay.
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96. And, Walter,
you're gonna play
Mrs. Malone.
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97. Yay! A woman!
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98. Finally, some good
roles for women.
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99. Brendon, Fenton
will be auditioning
for the role of Malone.
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100. Hey, best friend Brendon.
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101. Hi.
I can play Malone.
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102. Listen, Fenton,
I'm playing Malone.
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103. But let me ask you this.
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104. How would you like to be
in charge of the lights?
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105. The lights?
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106. You mean all the lights?
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107. Everything, Fenton.
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108. Controlling the lights.
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109. Brendon, that's my dream.
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110. That's like playing God.
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111. All right.
What?
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112. The lights will be on,
off, on, off...
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113. Leave them on.
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114. No, leave them... On, off!
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115. All right, Angela's next.
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116. I'm sorry. What?
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117. What?
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118. "My mother has a band
called Helicopter."
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119. Okay, well, that's good to know.
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120. Wow.
That was awesome.
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121. Really good.
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122. You got the lead role.
You're gonna play Lena.
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123. Brendon, I'm ready to audition.
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124. No, Melissa, you don't
have to audition.
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125. You already got the part.
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126. Lena?
Noodles.
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127. Noodles?
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128. I wanted to play Lena.
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129. You don't wanna play Lena.
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130. I don't want to play
the star of the play?
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131. No, no. Melissa,
there's too much
singing and stuff.
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132. It's not your style.
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133. I love to sing.
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134. Oh, no, you don't
want to sing this.
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135. I'm telling you, you're Noodles.
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136. Lena's best friend?
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137. Yeah, the best friend.
Her sidekick?
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138. The most complex character
in the whole play, you mean?
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139. How many songs does she have?
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140. She's got a lot,
but here's the thing
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141. I actually wanted
to talk to you about.
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142. I don't want to hear
you sing the songs.
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143. What?
Do you know what I mean?
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144. No.
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145. Well, see...
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146. I think what I'd like
to hear you do is sing-talk.
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147. Sing-talk?
Yeah.
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148. What do you mean?
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149. Like you go, I am Noodles.
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150. How's it going?
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151. Can you try that?
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152. That could be
your audition right now.
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153. I am Noodles.
How's it going?
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154. That's awesome.
You got the part.
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155. Really?
You got the part.
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156. Give me a hug.
Give me a hug.
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157. I'm happy for you.
That was great.
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158. Brendon, what about my part?
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159. You're gonna play Chip,
Lena's boyfriend.
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160. Oh. Yeah.
But I want to audition,
'cause I prepared a song.
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161. Well, yeah, go ahead,
you can do it,
but I'm gonna get going.
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162. Okay?
You don't mind, do you?
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163. Would that still
officially be an audition?
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164. Yeah.
Okay.
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165. See ya.
Hey, good luck.
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166. Thanks.
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167. Here's a little ditty
in the style
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168. of the great
Brazilian Jazz crooner
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169. Antonio Carlos Jobim.
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170. This one's called
"Brazilian Sunspot."
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171. Hello, Charlie.
Hello, Bink-Bonk.
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172. Hello, Charlie number two.
Hello, Pinky.
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173. Good to see everyone.
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174. Everyone's in order.
Let's have a meeting.
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175. Hey, Brendon.
Aah!
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176. What are you doing in my room?
Get out of here!
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177. Your window was open, my friend.
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178. I don't care
if my window was open.
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179. That doesn't mean you can
come in my house, Shannon!
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180. It does mean I can
come in. You should've
thought of that.
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181. What are you doing in my room?
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182. What are you doing in my room?
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183. Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
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184. What are you doing in my room?
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185. I have a favor to ask.
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186. You have a favor...
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187. Shannon, I gotta tell you,
I'm really busy.
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188. I've got a play to do
and don't really have
time for favors.
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189. Well, there you go.
That is the favor.
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190. I would like to be in your play.
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191. Heh, heh.
Come on.
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192. What's funny about...
What is funny?
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193. You want to be... I'm offended.
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194. No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Listen...
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195. You wound me.
I don't want
to offend you.
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196. Look, I see you wear
those P.J.s with the feet.
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197. No. No, those are...
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198. It's okay if you wear
these embarrassing P.J.s.
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199. These P.J.s
don't define you,
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200. and being a bully
doesn't define me.
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201. I want to sing, I want to dance.
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202. Let's make it happen.
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203. Why are you putting
your arms on me?
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204. Well, this is my way
of auditioning.
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205. I humbly request
a role in your play.
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206. I don't know.
I mean, there are...
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207. Ow! Ow! Ow, ow, ow!
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208. There are a lot
of people... ow, ow, ow!
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209. Okay, okay, you're in.
You're in the play.
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210. I'll find a role for you.
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211. I want the lead role.
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212. You don't want
the lead character.
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213. There's so many words
you gotta memorize.
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214. Ow, ow, ow!
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215. Okay, you're Malone.
Ow, ow!
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216. Thank you, Brendon.
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217. Boy, that was fun.
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218. Yep. Thanks
for dropping by.
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219. I like auditioning.
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220. Oh, when's the rehearsal?
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221. It's tomorrow at 3.
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222. Sorry, can't make it.
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223. Okay.
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224. So, basically,
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225. I was very lucky
to get Shannon...
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226. to play the role of Malone.
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227. What?
Shannon?
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228. He's not standing
under my lights.
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229. Listen, he can play
a really good tough guy.
Trust me.
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230. So, Jason, I want you to
continue with the filming
and documentary stuff.
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231. 'Cause you're doing
a great job on that.
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232. Thank you.
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233. Work the curtains, too.
You think you can?
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234. How am I gonna juggle
all that while I'm Chip?
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235. Here's the good thing.
I'm gonna play Chip.
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236. Oh, what?
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237. Did I just get replaced?
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238. Yeah, but you're still
working the curtains.
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239. Wow, I get to work the curtains.
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240. I don't get to be Chip,
one of the leads.
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241. Well, it's a great role.
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242. I know.
That's why I'm playing it.
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243. No, I'm playing Chip.
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244. Why are you whispering?
You just fired me.
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245. 'Cause it's embarrassing.
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246. I know.
It's embarrassing
to get fired.
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247. Hey, Melissa.
How's it going?
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248. Good. You can
call me Noodles.
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249. Well, I will do that, Noodle.
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250. Heh. I like that name.
Junior, can I
ask you a question?
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251. I don't know. Why?
Do you have a question?
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252. Yeah. I wanted to know
if I accidentally eat a kiwi
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253. will you stick me
with my epipen
so I won't die?
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254. No, I do not like
needles, Noodles.
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255. But I will give you
mouth to mouth.
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256. Yeah. I don't know
if that'll help.
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257. - Oops!
- Sorry about that!
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258. Sorry about that.
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259. Made a boo-boo.
Everything's cool.
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260. You stole Lena from me, Malone,
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261. but you're still a loser
in a leather jacket.
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262. Cool it, daddy-o.
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263. Unless you wanna feel
my switchblade
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264. in your side.
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265. Brendon, you know
when I'm holding you
like this?
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266. Uh-huh.
I was thinking.
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267. Why don't we turn
the lights down?
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268. You know, maybe go
to a single low spot.
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269. A single spotlight?
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270. Yeah.
What do you think?
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271. No. No.
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272. Why not?
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273. No. Thank you,
but no.
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274. The lights are perfect
the way they are.
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275. Sorry.
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276. Actually, you know, Fenton,
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277. I have to agree with Shannon.
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278. I think he's got a point.
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279. What? Brendon,
why would you be
listening to him?
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280. Heh heh heh heh.
I'm in charge
of lights.
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281. Because he's got
a good point, you know.
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282. No, you are messing
with the lights...
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283. Now here's what I was
trying to achieve.
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284. What if you just go to
a number four yellow gel,
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285. with scrims on either side,
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286. and then fade to black?
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287. I'm in charge of the lights.
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288. I see you're arguing
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289. and you believe
in what you're saying.
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290. No, I still...
You haven't convinced me.
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291. Brendon.
Mr. Lynch.
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292. Stopped by to see
how things are going.
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293. Things are going smoothly.
Thank you.
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294. You may move along, if you like.
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295. Oh, Shannon.
It's nice to see you
participating
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296. in a wholesome
extracurricular
activity here.
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297. Up yours, Padre.
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298. Shannon, what was that?
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299. Oh, I'm sorry.
I was just
in character.
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300. That's part of the play?
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301. Yeah.
Yeah.
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302. Let me get out of character.
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303. Okay, go stuff
yourself, flatfoot.
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304. Okay, that wasn't
part of the play.
No.
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305. Well, that's insubordination.
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306. Duh.
That's another strike
on you, Shannon.
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307. Two more strikes,
and you'll be in violation
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308. of my "23 strikes
and you're out" policy.
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309. Well, is cutting class a strike?
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310. Well, yes, of course.
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311. You might want to add
yet another,
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312. for I did not make it
to Physics today.
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313. And why not?
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314. Let's just say
I had a problem
with space and time.
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315. I'm gonna make
some space on here
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316. for another strike for you.
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317. Shannon, why don't you
sing one of your songs,
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318. since you haven't
sung anything yet,
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319. and we open tomorrow night.
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320. We open tomorrow night?
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321. Well, then I better
rest my voice.
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322. Huh.
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323. Mom!
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324. Don't come in yet, Brendon.
I want to surprise you.
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325. I'm almost done.
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326. Good, good.
Everything okay?
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327. Yeah, no, it's great.
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328. Good. Okay, okay,
you can come in now,
but close your eyes.
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329. Ow!
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330. You okay?
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331. Well, no. Yes.
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332. Open your eyes, Brendon.
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333. Mom, no, this is wrong.
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334. It's supposed to
take place in summer.
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335. You didn't tell me that.
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336. I said, "Can you
paint a background?"
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337. You said, "Can you
paint a background,"
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338. and I painted a beautiful
winter background.
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339. Listen, Mom,
when somebody says,
"an outdoor background,"
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340. you don't jump
to the conclusion
that it must be winter...
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341. Brendon, why don't you
just make it winter?
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342. Because there's
a cook-out scene,
a Fourth of July scene,
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343. there's a big independence song.
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344. What am I supposed
to do about that, huh?
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345. Okay, okay, all right.
It's okay.
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346. Don't panic.
I'll just change it.
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347. From winter to less winter.
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348. Mom, hurry up,
hurry up, hurry up.
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349. Almost done.
I think I smell kiwi.
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350. Does anyone else smell kiwi?
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351. Melissa, relax.
There's no kiwi
around here.
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352. No, I made kiwi pie.
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353. For the scene where
Noodle eats pie.
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354. You made a kiwi pie?
I can't eat kiwi.
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355. Who makes kiwi pie?
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356. What a specific...
Never even heard of it.
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357. Are you trying to kill me?
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358. What are you talking about?
I'm allergic to kiwi.
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359. Don't eat the pie.
Pretend to eat it.
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360. Don't eat the pie.
Don't eat the pie.
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361. Brendon, I think there's
something wrong with Lena.
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362. She's fine.
She'll be fine.
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363. Shannon's not here yet.
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364. Shannon's in
the first scene.
I know, Melissa.
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365. I'm bringing down
the house lights.
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366. Great. Okay.
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367. In three...
Still no Shannon.
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368. I know, Jason, thank you.
Two...
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369. Hello, everyone.
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370. I want to wish you all
good luck
one!
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371. And tell you that
Shannon's been suspended.
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372. What?
House lights...
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373. Break a leg.
Down.
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374. Have a good show.
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375. You suspended
Shannon. Why?
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376. Curtain's going up,
Brendon. Unh!
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377. I received
an anonymous phone call
Copy !req
378. accusing Shannon of
defacing school property.
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379. When I confronted him
with the accusation,
he admitted it.
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380. Right, okay.
And that was strike 23.
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381. Okay.
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382. The punishment is
three days suspension.
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383. And that goes for
anyone else who misses
the urinal on purpose.
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384. Okay, okay.
Wait, wait, wait.
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385. Okay, okay.
I'll play Malone.
Jason, you play Chip.
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386. Brendon, the curtain is up.
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387. Damon, dinner's ready.
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388. Damon.
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389. In a minute, Ma.
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390. I just gotta get
the timing right
on the carburetor.
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391. You and your engines.
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392. I think you would've
been happier
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393. if you were born a car
instead of a boy.
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394. Hey, what the?
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395. Sorry!
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396. Noodles is next.
I know, I know.
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397. Remember, sing-talk.
I know.
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398. Someone has to take the ropes.
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399. Ropes, that's me.
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400. Oh, my God!
I just ate kiwi!
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401. I just ate kiwi!
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402. I just ate kiwi!
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403. This isn't part of the song!
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404. I just... Somebody stick me!
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405. Aah!
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406. What are you doing?
What are you doing?
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407. Stop! Not now!
Not now!
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408. Oh, sorry.
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409. Backing up.
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410. So, Lena,
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411. I don't really know
what to say to you.
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412. I know I'm your boyfriend.
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413. My name is Chip.
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414. Such a nice day.
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415. Birds are singing,
and the sun is shining.
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416. It's snowing.
Summer is here.
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417. Tell her
that you know
she's seeing Malone.
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418. Oh, yeah. So you're
not seeing Malone.
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419. No. You know that...
You know that...
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420. You know.
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421. You know that... You know that.
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422. Lena...
No. Shh!
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423. You know that... You know that.
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424. No, you know that.
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425. No, Lena,
you know that.
What?
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426. No, you know that, not her.
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427. You know that, not her.
Oops. Sorry, Brendon.
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428. No, your character.
You know that
she's seeing Malone.
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429. Oh. I know that
you're seeing Malone,
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430. the guy Brendon is playing.
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431. Only I don't care.
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432. This play is completely
sucking, Brendon.
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433. Oh, I wouldn't... I... Yeah.
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434. Do you have any control
of what's going on?
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435. This is kind of a disaster.
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436. Like a historic disaster.
Yeah.
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437. That's good in a way
because you'll be
sort of famous
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438. for the worst play ever
here at this
elementary school.
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439. Yeah.
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440. Junior, you gotta stick me.
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441. But, Noodle,
I'm on in three minutes.
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442. I'm gonna die.
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443. All right, all right, fine.
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444. Give me the thing
to stick you with.
Oh, boy.
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445. Okay, okay, come on,
now, now, quick.
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446. Okay. All right,
here we go. Ready?
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447. I don't have much time.
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448. Okay, one, two, and...
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449. Can I just say that
I have always
liked you a lot.
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450. Yeah, yeah,
I know you like me.
Let's go.
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451. Okay. One, and two, and...
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452. Whoa, whoa, stop it.
Don't stick her
with that thing.
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453. Mrs. Small, you really
are trying to kill me.
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454. No, I'm not... Murderer!
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455. Murderer!
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456. Murderer!
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457. Murderer!
Somebody call
the police!
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458. Melissa,
you didn't eat kiwi.
What?
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459. I switched the pies.
I went out and got
a different pie.
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460. So it's not a kiwi pie?
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461. No, it's key lime pie.
I got a key lime pie.
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462. Key lime?
Yes.
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463. You didn't eat kiwi, Melissa.
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464. Oh. Junior,
you practically
saved my life.
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465. That's all right.
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466. Angela, I'm dying here.
Say something, please.
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467. Please say something.
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468. Whew!
Sorry I'm late.
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469. Shannon, what are
you doing here?
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470. I thought you were suspended.
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471. This is more important.
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472. That's the spirit.
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473. The show must go on.
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474. Yeah. Besides,
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475. I want to find out
who ratted me out.
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476. That's so Malone.
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477. Brendon.
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478. Hello, light god.
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479. What's up?
Oh, Shannon.
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480. You were suspended.
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481. I mean, I called the...
Aah... I mean, I squealed...
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482. Uhh! Heh!
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483. What I mean is,
you peed on the... ach!
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484. Hey, welcome back.
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485. Why, Fenton?
Why?
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486. Why? Because he was
ruining my play.
That's why.
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487. Your play?
You're not even in it.
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488. Yeah, but I'm in charge
of the lights.
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489. You can't have a play
without lights.
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490. Because then you don't have
a play with lights.
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491. Brendon, would you mind terribly
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492. excusing us for a little while?
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493. No, that's not necessary.
No, Brendon.
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494. Let's go, light god.
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495. Ach! Aah, heh.
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496. Help me.
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497. I'm the...
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498. light...
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499. Help! Help!
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500. Light god.
Help!
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501. Hello, Junior.
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502. Hello, Melissa.
I mean, Noodle.
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503. Heh.
Heh.
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504. I've never kissed anyone before.
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505. Me neither.
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506. Ohh! Oh, boy!
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507. You stabbed me with your pen!
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508. What the you do that for?
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509. I'm sorry.
It was an accident.
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510. Oh, my God, my heart is racing.
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511. I didn't mean to.
Ohh! Oh, oh, oh.
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512. Quick Rick,
you're the best driver
I've ever seen.
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513. Unh! Hold on. Unh!
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514. You're the best driver
I've ever seen.
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515. Come on, damn it.
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516. Oh, boy.
What's cookin'?
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517. Roll down the window.
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518. Hey, Hank.
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519. Uhh...
What?
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520. You're young and foolish.
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521. No one will ever beat...
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522. I'm older and wiser and...
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523. No one will ever
beat you, Quick Rick.
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524. Right. What?
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525. Roll down the window!
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526. I can't roll it down.
It's broken.
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527. Just play the music!
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528. Gladys!
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529. Yeah... oops! Okay.
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530. Yeah.
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531. Move. Move out,
you two.
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532. Move out.
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533. I gotta back up.
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534. Oh, my God.
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535. Somebody move that box.
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536. Oh, this.
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537. What?
Shh!
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538. Is that Shannon...
Please.
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539. Defying my suspension?
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540. That's not Shannon,
Mr. Lynch.
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541. That's Malone.
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542. That's Shannon.
You can tell by his thing.
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543. He punched me
in the nose.
Who did?
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544. Fenton.
Uhh...
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545. Me did.
I punched myself.
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546. It's a lighting thing.
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547. Brendon.
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548. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what?
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549. There's, like, five scenes left
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550. in this play.
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551. There are?
Yeah.
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552. Oh, man.
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553. Sort of breaks
the flow of the play
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554. when all the actors bow
and say good night.
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555. You know what,
let's let it
just be finished.
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556. All right.
I see your point.
Yeah.
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557. Brendon, I'd like
to get home this week.
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558. Hey, listen,
I didn't ask you
to drive off the stage.
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559. If you hadn't
talked me into being
in your stupid play,
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560. I wouldn't have
driven my car off.
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561. You're blaming me
for you driving
off the stage?
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562. Yes, I am blaming you.
Great. Fantastic.
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563. Fantastic to you.
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564. Hey, Brendon, I just
wanted to thank you
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565. for the opportunity to perform.
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566. I really enjoyed it.
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567. Good. Yeah, great.
Glad you enjoyed it.
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568. I had a horrible time.
Glad I could help you out.
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569. You guys wanna race?
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570. Brendon, let's do it.
Let's beat him.
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571. Unh! Unh!
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572. Well, he's gone.
I think we lost.
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573. That was totally embarrassing.
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574. Closed-captioned by
J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA
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