Home Movies 4x10

1. Another lonely day.

2. I never see my children or my grandchildren anymore.

3. Every day is Lonely Day.

4. What the...? A flying box?

5. My old marble from when I was a small child,

6. and here's my old rubber band.

7. Hey, Rubbie, where have you been?

8. - I used to love playing with these toys. - Whoo!

9. Whoo! Wait a minute. Who's doing this?

10. I'm doing this.

11. Who said that? I said that. I'm invisible.

12. What? I don't believe you. I'll prove it.

13. I'm gonna tickle your ear.

14. That tickles. Now I'm gonna punch you in the stomach.

15. Ow! Ow. That hurt. Now I'm gonna kick you in the meat.

16. Okay! I believe you. I believe you.

17. Let me introduce myself. My name is Amy Lee.

18. I found this box in my apartment.

19. You left it there a long time ago, when you were just a little boy.

20. I brought you back these toys anonymously, to help you.

21. But you told me your name was Amy Lee,

22. so how could you be anonymous anymore?

23. I am anonymous because you can't see me.

24. That's not anonymous. That's invisible.

25. If you'd like, I could show you just my head.

26. Cut. Cut.

27. Melissa, that's not in the script.

28. I know but I thought it would work.

29. I don't get it.

30. I wanted to show my head to prove that I'm invisible. What?

31. Yeah, what does that mean? Maybe I can control my invisibility.

32. Okay, then do it. Let me see how that would look. All right.

33. See? Whoo!

34. That doesn't look bad. You have to move your hands down a little bit.

35. It's hard to say "whoo" without putting your hands up.

36. It's hard to be invisible without saying "whoo." Yeah.

37. Whoo! I just want a little screen time.

38. We should really stick to the actual script that I wrote.

39. Well, why am I giving him these old toys anyway?

40. Because it makes him feel good, remember, from the script? It's like the movie Amélie.

41. Hasn't that been done already? Yeah, it has. In that movie "Amalie."

42. It's "Ah-malie." It's "Amalie."

43. Guys, this is way different, what I'm doing here.

44. I don't know. Even the name Amy Lee sounds like "Amalie."

45. Amélie. No, it doesn't.

46. Yes. Maybe a little.

47. It sounds very similar. If you... Okay, listen, let's do it again, okay?

48. Something's not working. Let's try it with French accents.

49. - Ready. - Action!

50. All right, huddle up. We got a big week of soccer ahead of us.

51. We're playing the first place team today and again on Friday.

52. All right? And they have the best goalie in the league.

53. He hasn't allowed one goal all year.

54. But just because they're the best team in the league

55. doesn't mean we can't cheat and beat them.

56. So go out there and kick some shins,

57. play a little dirty,

58. get into their heads.

59. All right?

60. Okay. Okay.

61. Put your hands in. Why?

62. For the team thing we do. Have we never done that?

63. No. I don't like to be touched.

64. I think most of us have space issues.

65. You're telling me we haven't done that before? No, we all...

66. I thought we did that every game, put your hands in, go, "Ahh!"

67. Usually you just do it. You do it, and we stand around...

68. That doesn't make sense for me to do it alone. That's what we always say.

69. The whole point of doing it is to show that we're together for the other team.

70. They see that we're fired up.

71. I don't know... Ah...

72. All right, forget it. Ahh! Let's go!

73. - Hey, they have a band! - Wow.

74. Hm, look at Coach.

75. Coach, are you... Are you okay?

76. No! I mean, I'm fine.

77. Go out and play. Go.

78. Is it because we didn't do the hand thing? Go, Brendon. Just go.

79. All right. Where? To the field?

80. Yes, to the field! Okay. Goalie or...

81. Brendon, please! I'm sorry, I just...

82. Go!

83. Kick it, Melissa!

84. Yeah! In your face, goalie!

85. In your face!

86. Haven't been scored on, huh? Well, now you have! Now you have!

87. What the hell was that? There goes your perfect season!

88. All my hard work down the drain! Thanks a lot!

89. Good one, Brendon. Sort of.

90. Thanks. Can I get some ice for my face, please?

91. Good job, Brendon. Yeah, nice goin', Bren-Bren.

92. Thank you.

93. Yay for Brendon! For Brendon!

94. Yay for Brendon.

95. We lost 14 to 1

96. but we scored a goal on the best goalie in the league.

97. We get another shot at that loser on Friday.

98. Now we know his weakness. What's that?

99. Scoring accidentally.

100. Some fluke. Something like this could turn our whole season around.

101. We're gonna have double practices all week.

102. We're gonna work hard, we're gonna train better. We're gonna...

103. Coach?

104. No. Just go. Go.

105. Speech over. Go to your homes. Good game.

106. Go home!

107. See your parents! Is he crying?

108. Why do they keep playing the music? The game is over!

109. Oh, that's good bagpipes.

110. That was the luckiest goal I've ever seen in my whole life! Yeah, I know.

111. Yeah, well, I hate you.

112. Hey, you don't even know me. Get to know me, then you can hate me.

113. You ruined my scoreless streak, buddy! You suck!

114. Yeah, well, um... too bad.

115. Too bad? Too bad? Let's fight! Let's fight! Let's not!

116. You wanna fight? Hey! Hey! Leave him alone!

117. It's okay. No! It's not okay.

118. I can't stand kids like you. You think you're so tough... and good looking.

119. You think you're so tough and good looking. What?

120. She gonna fight your battles?

121. Maybe I will. You wanna fight, huh?

122. You wanna wrestle? Let's go!

123. You leave Brendon and Melissa alone!

124. Ya! Hi-ya!

125. Shut up What?

126. Uh-oh! Oh, no, he didn't! Oh, no!

127. I got so much adrenaline going through my veins! Perry! Perry!

128. I got the blood lust! Me too!

129. I wanna kill!

130. Let's kill! Kill! Kill!

131. Whatever. I will get you later.

132. - Uh-oh. - Run away! Run away!

133. Loser! Hey, thanks, guys. I think you really scared him.

134. Yeah, maybe.

135. Thanks, guys.

136. Um..."thanks" ain't gonna do it.

137. What do you mean? Hello? We just saved your lives.

138. What? You're not even gonna repay us?

139. I don't understand.

140. We have to pay them?

141. Who's this kid that went after you? Do I know him?

142. I don't think I know him either. I found out his name is Cho.

143. Cho? What's that short for? Chump? Yeah.

144. - Good one, guys. - Hey, high five.

145. He's one of those drop-dead gorgeous hunks who thinks he's so cool.

146. You know, a real loser.

147. Huh? What?

148. - Are these oatmeal-raisin? - Um...

149. I'm allergic to oatmeal.

150. Uh-oh. I'll just get a rash. No biggy.

151. What if we did something anonymous for Walter and Perry?

152. But they wouldn't know it was from us and they'd feel like we still owe them.

153. Melissa's right. Right.

154. Why don't we buy them, like, a sports utility vehicle? They're very popular.

155. What if we just hang out with them?

156. Who would want to do that? Jason's right.

157. I guess no one hangs out with them ever.

158. That's why maybe they'd appreciate it. Spend some time with them.

159. Yeah. All right, sure. That sounds good.

160. Speaking of spending time with someone, Brendon, you promised your grandfather

161. you'd help him clean his closets this week.

162. Did I promise? Yeah. You promised you'd help him with spring cleaning.

163. Is that a euphemism? Ew.

164. No.

165. That's what it sounds like. "Cleaning out the closet."

166. Tough luck, buddy.

167. Jason, these are real closets. So, Brendon?

168. Yes? A promise is a promise,

169. especially to an old man who's gonna die soon.

170. All right. Tell him I'm coming. Thank you.

171. You're grandpa's dying? We're all dying, Melissa.

172. It's always nice to come over to the Smalls'.

173. If I had a pet dinosaur, I wouldn't have to worry about anybody bothering me ever.

174. It would be awesome. I'd probably name him a cool name, like T-Bone,

175. T-Time or T-Toe the T-Rex.

176. Ice-T. What?

177. You're talking about an imaginary pet dinosaur? Was I saying that out loud?

178. Yeah. I've been riding alongside of you this whole time.

179. Man, I should pay attention when I'm walking around.

180. Anybody could be listening to me. Yeah.

181. What are you doing? What do you mean? What are you doing?

182. Going to my grandfather's house. Hop in. I'll give you a lift.

183. Sure. You got money?

184. I got a couple bucks. All right. Get in.

185. Don't worry about that kid Cho. He's just wound too tight. Yeah.

186. That's the problem with elementary school sports.

187. They push you and push you. Yeah.

188. You lose your childhood. I don't do that to the kids. No. I know.

189. I don't want them to succeed. That's why we're horrible. I know.

190. That kid's probably having an awful time, having to win every game and feeling that pressure.

191. Yeah. Well... I appreciate the ride, by the way. Don't mention it.

192. Don't think I don't app... I said, don't mention it.

193. Yeah, okay.

194. See, I feel like I have to because it's been 15 minutes and we haven't moved.

195. Cho's father is his coach, did you know that?

196. No. Well, he is.

197. I know how rough that can be. My dad was my coach once.

198. He was? Yeah.

199. What sport did you play? It wasn't exactly a sport.

200. You know, I don't mean to rush or anything, but my grandfather's waiting...

201. I was a Scottish Highland dancer! You were what?

202. I was a Scottish Highland dancer and my dad was my coach, and he pushed a little too hard.

203. There. I said it. Wow.

204. Here's a picture.

205. Who is that? That's me.

206. That's not you. It is. When I was 12.

207. Wow. Yeah. There's my dad.

208. There's the president of Scotland.

209. Scottish Highland... Is that like step-dancing? No, Brendon!

210. Nothing like that crap.

211. It's not Irish. It's Scottish.

212. But aren't you Irish? Yeah, but I'm not gay.

213. It's different. It's like a sport, all right?

214. People die! Is that why that music made you cry?

215. I wasn't crying. I was remembering... with tears.

216. I'm sorry. It's not crying.

217. So, were you good? Was I good?

218. Was I good, Brendon?

219. I was one of the best!

220. That's what I was! I was one of the best!

221. So what happened?

222. I had a breakdown on stage, in the nationals,

223. in the final competition at the Felt Forum at Madison Square Garden.

224. Really? It was between me and this girl: Maggie McFarlin.

225. Yeah? She was over seven feet tall.

226. You have to understand, in Scottish Highland dancing, it's all in the legs.

227. Sure, right. So she had a distinct advantage over me. I have squat legs.

228. And that makes a difference with the judges.

229. They're not so squat. Look at 'em, Brendon!

230. But I tried! I was up there!

231. I was pushing myself! Yeah?

232. I fell and I lost.

233. And I never danced again.

234. And that will stay with me for the rest of my life.

235. But here is what Maggie McFarlin's doing now.

236. The queen of Scottish Highland dancing. You keep her clippings?

237. This is just some of them. I have the rest at home.

238. Geez, man, you gotta get over this.

239. It could have been me! She's making millions!

240. Look at me, Brendon! What am I? You're...

241. I'm a soccer coach! Yeah.

242. Get out, Brendon! Get out! What did I do?

243. Walk to your grandfather's. What did I do?

244. Good-bye!

245. Look at this, Brendon.

246. It's my old college sweatshirt.

247. That's really nice. You have lovely taste in crap.

248. And here's my old megaphone. I was a cheerleader in college.

249. Cheerleader. Great. What's that over there?

250. Oh. I wore it in a play in college.

251. Oh, here's my old boxing gloves.

252. I used to box in college too.

253. These are heavy. I lined 'em with bbs.

254. What?

255. Little metal balls, like ball bearings. What?

256. Adds a little oomph. A little "oomph"?

257. Oom-pa-pa.

258. So, your mother tells me there's some kid after you.

259. Yeah, kind of.

260. Well, why don't I show you a few moves?

261. That's okay.

262. No, come on. Hit me, Brendon. What?

263. You heard me. Hit me in the face.

264. No, I'm not gonna hit you.

265. No, no. Come on now. I'm not gonna hit you.

266. Hit me in the face! I'm not gonna hit you.

267. What's the matter? You afraid? I'm not afraid.

268. Afraid to hit your old "grampy"?

269. I'm not gonna hit you. Come on, Mary, hit me!

270. Don't call me Mary. What's the matter, Mary Twinkle-Toes? Hit me!

271. Stop calling me that. Mary Twinkle-Toes!

272. I don't like being called that...

273. Ow!

274. See? See what happens?

275. See what happens when you mess with me? Oh, God.

276. Are you okay? I think I'm blind!

277. Are you serious? I can't see!

278. You told me to hit you! Hit me again!

279. How can I hit you again? Hit me in the face again!

280. I'm not gonna... Why won't you let me help you?

281. Look! You're a mess!

282. What's the matter, Florence Nightingale?

283. Wanna take me to the hospital? Don't call me Florence...

284. Come on! Hit me in the...

285. Ow!

286. I'm just saying don't call me Florence Nightingale, ever.

287. Oh, geez!

288. Okay!

289. I'm still standing.

290. You splattered a little bit of blood...

291. Oh, what's the matter, Mary Kay?

292. Have I ruined your dress?

293. What'd did you call me?

294. Huh? Gotta put your cosmetics on?

295. Miss Lady Pants? That's it. Don't do that.

296. Don't call me... Ow!

297. You had enough?

298. Oh, man!

299. Stop talking and I'll quit punching you.

300. You'll quit punching me, will ya? What's the matter?

301. I'm not doing this... The homecoming queen's

302. gotta get to a parade?

303. Oh, beg your pardon, me lady.

304. All right, that's it. Ow!

305. So, um, what do you guys wanna do?

306. We're here to hang with you.

307. Let's play chase the butterfly.

308. Um... Walter, look! There's a butterfly!

309. He's beautiful! Let's go chase him!

310. - Get him! - Come on, guys! It's fun!

311. Now here comes part two

312. of chase the butterfly!

313. Smash the butterfly! Guys! Hold on! Hold on!

314. Let's play something else. Let's go shopping!

315. Shopping! Yeah!

316. I don't wanna go shopping. Let's go to the hospital and look at sick people.

317. No. Yeah!

318. Think of something else. Let's go to cemeteries.

319. No. Let's rent a hot-air balloon

320. and fly around the world.

321. Oh, my, God. I want to do that so bad!

322. I do too, Perry. We'll go shopping.

323. - How about that? - Yay! Shopping.

324. Brandon, what do you think?

325. I think maybe you should let that kid beat me up. What did you buy?

326. Just something for my grandfather. Walter, what are you doing?

327. Nothing. Shut up, Melissa.

328. Are you stealing?

329. No. Here you go. Shh!

330. Nobody needs to know...

331. We're gonna get in trouble.

332. Shh! We know what we're doing. We did this before.

333. Jason, are you stealing?

334. Ahh... yeah.

335. You guys aren't what I thought you'd be like.

336. Yeah, you're different. Yeah, uh, very different.

337. It's good to be different. Yeah, it's good.

338. Well, uh...

339. I'm getting a migraine. Oh, my God, me too.

340. Me too. I have tunnel vision.

341. Me too. Guys, we're gonna get going.

342. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Bye, guys.

343. Bye-bye! Bye-bye!

344. Hey, whoa, whoa. Where are we?

345. - Oh, my God. - I don't know.

346. I think we're lost.

347. Well, well, well. Looks like we meet again.

348. So, the three blind mice.

349. Mo, Larry and Shirley.

350. Name's Melissa. I wasn't talking to you.

351. Who are you? I'm your worst nightmare.

352. That is so old.

353. Huh? Let me wipe the cobwebs off that line.

354. Jason... Seriously, though. Come on.

355. Stale.

356. How about I wipe the cobwebs off it with your face?

357. Oh... That's actually better. Jason...

358. But technically, my worst nightmare to date is

359. I'm sitting in a highchair and I'm breastfeeding my own mother,

360. and she suddenly opens her mouth and I see my father's head...

361. Yeah, okay, I get it.

362. Shut up. You're giving me the creeps.

363. What are you gonna do? Hug us to death with those muscles? What?

364. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I got a special delivery for ya.

365. It's on the end of my fist!

366. Geez, this guy is totally full of hackneyed lines.

367. No one's here to save you this time, so who's first?

368. I'll be first. Cool. Then you, Brendon?

369. Shh. I'm gonna try something, okay?

370. Cho, I think you're taking this thing way too seriously...

371. No, I'm not! Beating you up is fun for me!

372. It's therapy!

373. Listen, Cho,

374. I understand. I bet it's tough having a father as a coach.

375. What did you say about my father?

376. N-Nothing. I'm just saying...

377. - Shut up. - Cut it.

378. My father's a great coach! Ow. Ow.

379. He pushes me because I need to be pushed!

380. He screams at me because he loves me! Ow.

381. If it wasn't for my father, I wouldn't be here,

382. beating you up... right... now.

383. Ow.

384. All he wants is me to work hard

385. and be absolutely perfect without any flaws

386. in an almost impossibly unhuman way.

387. Hey, Cho.

388. Can I call you Cho?

389. How about this? Are you happy?

390. Um... no.

391. Do you wanna be in a movie? Movie?

392. Amy Lee, all my life

393. I've done what my father wants me to do, never what I want...

394. Crap! Hey, Cho, it's okay. We'll just do it again.

395. One mistake doesn't hurt. Okay, take 32.

396. And... action.

397. Amy Lee, I've done what my father wants...

398. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

399. I'll get it right! I'll get it right. Cho, relax.

400. Just pretend that the camera is nothing more than a box with a lens

401. that tapes you doing your lines.

402. Oh, okay.

403. Amy Lee, all my life I've done what my father wanted me to do,

404. never what I wanted to do.

405. Yeah! Did it!

406. Oh, man. That was great.

407. You did a really good job. Yeah, you did a great job.

408. You did. Thanks.

409. No. Thank you guys. I really needed this.

410. So what now, maybe a quick workout?

411. No, I think I'm just gonna go, you know, find a field of wheat

412. and lie down and veg out.

413. Veg? Want company?

414. I think it'll be cool if I'm alone.

415. Mmm... Perry, that's enough! No more!

416. Melissa, how long has it been?

417. Was I supposed to be timing?

418. Perry, please!

419. Wow. Perry, I was so worried.

420. That was awesome. You're so good at holding your breath.

421. Thanks. You're like Houdini.

422. I can't use my mouth no more. I think you got brain damage.

423. I think I had a stroke.

424. It's kind of cute. Thank you.

425. How long do we have to hang out with them? We're done.

426. All right, everybody, huddle up.

427. Hey, Paula. Who's the pirate?

428. Hi, John. This is my father, Sam. Hey.

429. Hi. Cool eye patch.

430. Brendon punched me.

431. Oh. So we got a big game today. Hey, uh, Coach.

432. What? I'm in the middle of a speech. I know. Here.

433. This is for you. Bad time to give me a gift.

434. It's just... I think you'll find it rather interesting.

435. "From Amy Lee." Who the hell is Amy Lee?

436. Amy Lee?

437. What's in the box? Shut up, Fenton.

438. It's a big box, Brendon.

439. Open it up.

440. What the hell is this? It belonged to my grandfather.

441. You can have it. I don't want it!

442. Why would Coach McGuirk want a kilt?

443. Because he's a Scottish Highland dancer. A Scottish what?

444. Scottish Highland... He is?

445. You mean, like Maggie McFarlin? Oh, my...

446. Ooh, she was good-looking.

447. You're a dancer?

448. No! Yay! Coach McGuirk's a dancer!

449. Yay! Coach McGuirk's a Thailand dancer?

450. No, there's been... Dance for us!

451. No, no!

452. Dance!

453. Dance! Dance! I am not...

454. I'm not a dancer!

455. But I-I thought you said that you were?

456. I'm not a da...

457. ancer.

458. - I am not... a dancer! - Yes, you are.

459. I'm dancing!

460. Look at him go! We love dancing!

461. I'm dancing!

462. Whoo!

463. Is he dancing? I can't see. Yes, Dad. He's dancing.

464. He's dancing. He's goin' nuts.

465. I'm a dancer, Dad. I'm a dancer!

466. I'm a... Ahh! Ooh! Oh...

467. Cramp! Cramp. Damn it!

468. What? Come on. That wasn't bad.

469. It just looks like you need some work.

470. You don't understand Scottish Highland dancing!

471. Well, what else you got in the bag, Amy? What? Oh, right.

472. Here, Grandpa. What's this?

473. It's a half-shirt. A what?

474. It's a half-shirt. I bought it for ya.

475. I thought you might wanna be a cheerleader again, just like the old days.

476. Whoa! That was a lie.

477. What? I didn't do that.

478. You didn't? So you weren't a cheerleader?

479. No. I just like those megaphone things, but I'll be your cheerleader.

480. No, Dad. Dad, careful.

481. Oh, my other eye!

482. Hey, I'm dancing here!

483. Is this working out how you planned, Amy? Yes, splendidly.

484. I am dancing!

485. Could we just start the game?

486. Look at the goalie. Yeah, look at him.

487. - Look at Cho. He's changed. - He's a freak.

488. Cho, what is going on?

489. Have you gone nuts? Dude, relax.

490. It's cool, man. It's cool.

491. Look what you did to my Cho, my beautiful, perfect Cho.

492. You ruined him, stupid Amy Lee! You ruined my Cho!

493. Ow! Ow! Stop! Stop!

494. What is wrong with you people?

495. This is pure Scottish Highland dancing!

496. You don't get no better show than this!

497. Beverly Hills, California, for a Maggie McFarlin, please.

498. Scottish Highland queen.

499. Thanks.

500. Hello? Maggie?

501. Yeah? Maggie McFarlin?

502. Is that McGuirk? Yeah!

503. Oh, my God. How are you? Pretty good. How you doin'?

504. I'm okay. Still doing Scottish dancing?

505. Yes, I am. Things are going good. Obviously. Uh-huh.

506. It's weird to hear from you, that's for sure. I was just looking up numbers.

507. Yeah, so what ever happened to you?

508. After your meltdown, you know? Yeah.

509. We joked around that you killed yourself. No, no. I didn't.

510. I didn't kill myself. Just kidding.

511. Closed-Captioned by J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA