1. OKAY, EVERYBODY READY?Copy !req
2. READY.Copy !req
3. JASON, READY?Copy !req
4. I'M READY... KIND OF.Copy !req
5. I'M A LITTLE TIRED.Copy !req
6. ALL RIGHT——
AND... ACTION.Copy !req
7. WAIT.Copy !req
8. READY?
AND ACTION.Copy !req
9. GET AWAY FROM ME, UH...Copy !req
10. YOU ALIENS
FROM ANOTHER PLANET.Copy !req
11. LEAVE ME ALONE!Copy !req
12. FATHER, I BROUGHT YOU
SOME BREAKFAST AND NEWSPAPER.Copy !req
13. FATHER!Copy !req
14. WHY ARE THERE ALIENS HERE?
WHAT'S GOING ON?Copy !req
15. GO BACK, DAUGHTER.Copy !req
16. I THOUGHT THE, UM, ALIENS
WERE FRIENDLY BUT THEY'RE NOT.Copy !req
17. THEY ARE EVIL AND GROSS
AND THEY ARE SLOWLYCopy !req
18. SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF ME.Copy !req
19. OH, FATHER, FATHER!Copy !req
20. DON'T LET THEM GET YOU,
DAUGHTER.Copy !req
21. I CAN'T HELP YOU ANYMORE.Copy !req
22. I'M DEAD.Copy !req
23. HELP! HELP!Copy !req
24. I TOLD YOU I'M DEAD.
I CAN'T HELP.Copy !req
25. SOMEBODY ELSE WHO'S ALIVE, HELP!Copy !req
26. OKAY, CUT.Copy !req
27. UM, IT'S NOT WORKING.Copy !req
28. YEAH, NO KIDDING.Copy !req
29. I JUST DON'T FEEL INSPIRED.Copy !req
30. YEAH, AND I THINK
IT'S THE DIALOGUE.Copy !req
31. I WOULDN'T SAY THAT,
BUT...Copy !req
32. WELL, IT'S SO STIFFLY WRITTEN,
BRENDON.Copy !req
33. WHY AM I CALLING HER "DAUGHTER"?Copy !req
34. I WOULD BE CALLING HER
BY HER NAME.Copy !req
35. I'M HER FATHER,
AND SHE SAYS "FATHER."Copy !req
36. YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S NOT THE DIALOGUE.Copy !req
37. IT'S NOT
THE DAUGHTER—FATHER THING.Copy !req
38. IT'S THE, UH...Copy !req
39. WE NEED A FISHEYE LENS.Copy !req
40. WHAT'S THAT?Copy !req
41. IT'S A LENS THAT
MAKES EVERYTHING LOOK WEIRD.Copy !req
42. NO, WE NEED, UM,
BLOOD CAPSULES.Copy !req
43. HEY, BRENDON, DO YOU
AND ALL YOUR FRIENDSCopy !req
44. WANT TO GO FOR ICE CREAM?Copy !req
45. YEAH!Copy !req
46. GET IT YOURSELVES!Copy !req
47. OH.Copy !req
48. I'M KIDDING!
COME ON, LET'S GO!Copy !req
49. TOO LATE!Copy !req
50. I WAS TEASING.Copy !req
51. WE'RE GOING
FOR ICE CREAM.Copy !req
52. BRENDON, YOUR MOM IS,
UM... FUNNY.Copy !req
53. I KNOW.Copy !req
54. I THINK IT'S HER TIMING.Copy !req
55. THREE CHEERS FOR BRENDON'S MOM!
THREE CHEERS...Copy !req
56. KIDS, COME ON.
THREE CHEERS FOR BRENDON'S MOM!Copy !req
57. STOP IT OR I'LL DROP YOU OFF
AT THE CORNER...Copy !req
58. WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE NEXT
TO THE ICE CREAM STORE.Copy !req
59. OKAY, EVERYBODY'S
GOT ICE CREAM?Copy !req
60. THAT'LL BE $10.50.Copy !req
61. UM, LET'S SEE...Copy !req
62. IT'S $10.50.Copy !req
63. LADY, I GOT A LOT
OF PEOPLE WAITING.Copy !req
64. UH, OKAY, I KNOW.Copy !req
65. DO YOU HAVE $10.50?Copy !req
66. MM—HMM.
UM...Copy !req
67. I'VE GOT TWO DOLLARS.Copy !req
68. MAYBE I COULD COME BACK.Copy !req
69. NO.Copy !req
70. OKAY... UM...
BRENDON...Copy !req
71. BRENDON, GIVE ME YOUR ICE CREAM.Copy !req
72. HEY.Copy !req
73. MELISSA, I DON'T WANT YOU
SPOILING YOUR DINNER.Copy !req
74. BUT THIS IS MY DINNER.Copy !req
75. GIVE IT HERE.Copy !req
76. YOU STILL OWE ME $7.50.Copy !req
77. ALIENS, I NEED YOUR ICE CREAMS.Copy !req
78. YOU STILL OWE ME THREE DOLLARS.Copy !req
79. OKAY.Copy !req
80. $1.50.Copy !req
81. WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR 50 CENTS?Copy !req
82. A TIP JAR.Copy !req
83. MOM, BUT WHAT ABOUT
THE WHOLE ICE CREAM THING?Copy !req
84. I'LL TAKE SEVEN WATERS.
NOT THE BOTTLES.Copy !req
85. KIDS, THEY'RE DELICIOUS.Copy !req
86. I'LL MEET YOU IN THE CAR.Copy !req
87. WHAT...
WHAT'S UP?Copy !req
88. HOW'S THAT ICE CREAM, JASON?Copy !req
89. WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A PICTURE?Copy !req
90. OOH, I AM FULL!Copy !req
91. SHOULD HAVE JUST GOT THE SINGLE
SCOOP, NOT TRIPLE.Copy !req
92. IS YOUR MOM POOR, BRENDON?Copy !req
93. NO. NO WAY, MAN.Copy !req
94. OH, NO, OH, NO.Copy !req
95. MAN, WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS.Copy !req
96. GO AROUND!Copy !req
97. I TOLD... I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD
HAVE TAKEN THE MERCEDES.Copy !req
98. VERY FUNNY, BRENDON.Copy !req
99. DOES ANYBODY WANT THE REST
OF MY CONE?Copy !req
100. GO AROUND!Copy !req
101. I'M SCARED.Copy !req
102. I WANT TO GO HOME!Copy !req
103. SWEETIE, WE JUST HAVE
TO WAIT FOR HELP.Copy !req
104. GO AROUND, HALF—WIT, GO AROUND!Copy !req
105. WE JUST HAVE TO WAIT.Copy !req
106. MRS. SMALL?Copy !req
107. WHAT, MELISSA?Copy !req
108. DO YOU WANT TO USE MY CELL PHONE
TO CALL A TOW TRUCK?Copy !req
109. OH, UM...
THANKS.Copy !req
110. THREE CHEERS
FOR MELISSA'S CELL PHONECopy !req
111. MELISSA'S CELL PHONE
MELISSA'S CELL PHONE...Copy !req
112. OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
113. YOU OKAY, JASON?Copy !req
114. OH, BOY.
VOMIT.Copy !req
115. CAN YOU OPEN A WINDOW?Copy !req
116. UH, THE WINDOW DOESN'T WORK.Copy !req
117. IS ANYBODY ELSE IN HERE, UM,
LACTOSE—INTOLERANT?Copy !req
118. ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
LISTEN UP. EVERYBODY.Copy !req
119. THAT'S HILARIOUS.Copy !req
120. ALL RIGHT, NOW, AS YOU KNOW
WE LOST YESTERDAY.Copy !req
121. HMM.Copy !req
122. NOW, WE ALL LOST
BECAUSE OF YOU,Copy !req
123. NOT BECAUSE OF ME
AND THE WAY I COACH.Copy !req
124. THAT'S MY PEP TALK.Copy !req
125. YOU KNOW, IF I HAD
A FISHEYE LENS RIGHT NOWCopy !req
126. McGUIRK WOULD LOOK SO FUNNY.Copy !req
127. YEAH.Copy !req
128. DO YOU THINK I ENJOY IT,
BRENDON? BRENDON...Copy !req
129. HUH?Copy !req
130. YOU KNOW WHAT I WENT
TO SCHOOL FOR? DO YOU?Copy !req
131. NO.Copy !req
132. ARCHITECTURE.Copy !req
133. WOW.Copy !req
134. NOW I'M COACHING
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SOCCER.Copy !req
135. THINK THIS IS A JOY FOR ME?
NO, IT'S NOT.Copy !req
136. ON FRIDAY WE GOT
A BIG GAME COMING UP.Copy !req
137. WE'RE PLAYING EAST CENTRAL.Copy !req
138. YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW THIS,Copy !req
139. BUT COACH McGUIRK
WENT TO EAST CENTRAL.Copy !req
140. MY SOCCER COACH——
COACH RALPH—...Copy !req
141. HE'S STILL COACHING
FOR EAST CENTRAL.Copy !req
142. COACH RALPH WAS A MENTOR TO ME.
HE TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING I KNOW.Copy !req
143. AND ON FRIDAY, WHEN WE
PLAY HIS TEAM, EAST CENTRAL,Copy !req
144. I CAN'T THINK OF A BETTER WAY TO
THANK HIM FOR BEING MY MENTORCopy !req
145. THAN TO CHEAT AND WIN.Copy !req
146. IF ANYBODY HAS ANY IDEAS
ON HOW TO WIN,Copy !req
147. HOW TO BEAT A WAY BETTER TEAM,Copy !req
148. RAISE YOUR HAND
AND TELL ME RIGHT NOWCopy !req
149. BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY
WE'RE GOING TO WIN ON OUR OWN.Copy !req
150. THIS IS SO COOL.Copy !req
151. MELISSA...Copy !req
152. WHAT?Copy !req
153. YOU LOOK SO FUNNY.Copy !req
154. LET ME SEE.Copy !req
155. WAIT... JASON,Copy !req
156. YOU LOOK REALLY GOOFY AND WEIRD.Copy !req
157. LOOKS REALLY FUNNY.Copy !req
158. THAT'S RATHER HARSH.Copy !req
159. CAN I LOOK NOW, BRENDON?Copy !req
160. OH, MY GOSH,
IS THIS SO AWESOME!Copy !req
161. WE COULD MAKE SO MANY
COOL MOVIES WITH THAT THING.Copy !req
162. BRENDON, YOU LOOK LIKE
A CREEPY FREAKY KID.Copy !req
163. STOP!Copy !req
164. "HOW DO YOU FEEL, ROSEMARY?"Copy !req
165. UH, MELISSA,
CAN I LOOK NOW, PLEASE?Copy !req
166. SURE, JASON.Copy !req
167. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?Copy !req
168. THE IMAGE IS ALL DISTORTED,
ISN'T IT?Copy !req
169. DOESN'T EVERYTHING LOOK WEIRD,
JASON?Copy !req
170. YEAH.Copy !req
171. YEAH.Copy !req
172. SO ISN'T THAT FUNNY?Copy !req
173. UM...Copy !req
174. ISN'T IT GOOD?Copy !req
175. BRENDON, UM,
I WOULDN'T BUY THIS.Copy !req
176. HUH?Copy !req
177. THE FISHEYE LENS
IS KIND OF A TIRED DEVICE.Copy !req
178. NO...Copy !req
179. IS IT REALLY WORTH IT?
IT'S RATHER HACKNEYED.Copy !req
180. UM, YOU CAN PUT MY NAME
ON THIS BAD BOY, MY GOOD MAN,Copy !req
181. BECAUSE I'LL BE BACK TO BUY IT
VERY, VERY SOON.Copy !req
182. WELL, WE CLOSE IN AN HOUR.Copy !req
183. OH... NO, I MEAN SOON
LIKE IN—A—FEW—DAYS SOONCopy !req
184. OR WEEKS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.Copy !req
185. SOON, NOT NOW.Copy !req
186. EXCUSE ME, IS THIS WHERE
ONE GOES TO MAKE A WITHDRAWAL?Copy !req
187. THIS WINDOW
IS FOR DEPOSITS ONLY.Copy !req
188. HA!Copy !req
189. HOW ARE YOU DOING THERE, MOM?Copy !req
190. KIND OF BUSY, BRENDON.Copy !req
191. OF COURSE, IT'S BUSY
RUNNING A HOUSEHOLD.Copy !req
192. HOW DO YOU DO IT, MOM?Copy !req
193. HOW DO YOU RUN A HOUSEHOLD
AND STILL LOOK SO GOOD?Copy !req
194. OKAY, BRENDON, WHAT IS IT?Copy !req
195. I WANT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.Copy !req
196. SURE, SWEETIE,
YOU'VE GOT ONE MINUTE.Copy !req
197. WHOA, I...Copy !req
198. I'VE BEEN TIMING THIS PITCH
AND IT TAKES FIVE MINUTES, SO...Copy !req
199. OKAY, WELL,
YOU'VE GOT FOUR AND A HALF.Copy !req
200. COME ON!Copy !req
201. 4:29...Copy !req
202. OKAY, OKAY, HERE GOES,
HERE GOES.Copy !req
203. MOM, ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH
THE TERM "SLIPPED HIM A MICKEY?"Copy !req
204. AS IN, "SOMEONE SLIPPED
THAT GUY A MICKEYCopy !req
205. AND NOW EVERYBODY
LOOKS WEIRD TO HIM."Copy !req
206. BRENDON, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?Copy !req
207. A FISHEYE LENS.
I NEED A FISHEYE LENS.Copy !req
208. NO PETS, BRENDON.Copy !req
209. NO, MOM, IT'S NOT A FISH,
IT'S A FISHEYE LENS.Copy !req
210. YOU PUT IT ON YOUR CAMERA
AND YOU MAKE IMAGES LOOK WEIRD.Copy !req
211. YOU KNOW WHAT, I WOULD LOVE TO
GET YOU A FISH'S LENS, BRENDON.Copy !req
212. FISHEYE LENS, MOM.Copy !req
213. YEAH, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
I CAN'T AFFORD IT RIGHT NOW.Copy !req
214. THE CAR HAS TO BE FIXED
AND THAT'S GOINGCopy !req
215. TO SET US BACK A BIT—...Copy !req
216. IN FACT, BRENDON...Copy !req
217. YEAH.Copy !req
218. UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE,
WE ARE OFFICIALLY ON A BUDGET.Copy !req
219. OH, NO!Copy !req
220. THERE'S NOT GOING TO BE...Copy !req
221. NO ADDITIONAL SPENDING
FOR A WHILE.Copy !req
222. I'M TALKING ABOUT FUN—HOUSE—
MIRROR WEIRD HERE.Copy !req
223. I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, BRENDON,Copy !req
224. AND I KNOW YOUR FILMS
ARE IMPORTANT TO YOU,Copy !req
225. BUT RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW WHAT?Copy !req
226. IT'S GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT.Copy !req
227. HMM, THE PIPE BURST.Copy !req
228. OH, MY...
OH, JESUS!Copy !req
229. NO, NO, IT'S FINE. I GOT IT.Copy !req
230. OH, MY GOD!Copy !req
231. EVERYTHING'S UNDER CONTROL.Copy !req
232. WHAT IS GOING ON?Copy !req
233. I GOT IT——
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.Copy !req
234. DON'T... JUST...Copy !req
235. MOM, GO TAKE A NAP.
I'VE GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL.Copy !req
236. ANYWAY, YOU KNOW IT'S A...
SO IT'S A FISHEYE LENS.Copy !req
237. YOU'LL SLEEP ON IT
AND WE'LL TALK TOMORROW, OKAY?Copy !req
238. CAN YOU HAND ME A TOWEL, PLEASE?Copy !req
239. OH, FISH...Copy !req
240. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE
TO SEE THE WORLDCopy !req
241. THROUGH YOUR FISHEYE EYES.Copy !req
242. BUT SOMEDAY I'LL GET
A FISHEYE LENSCopy !req
243. AND THEN I'LL BE JUST LIKE YOU.Copy !req
244. MOM, THE CAR'S IN THE SHOP
AND THE SINK SPRUNG A LEAK AND,Copy !req
245. UH UH... MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM,
MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM MOM,Copy !req
246. I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD
BORROW SOME MONEY.Copy !req
247. I'LL PAY YOU BACK.Copy !req
248. MOM, I'M IN A LITTLE BIT
OF A FINANCIAL PICKLE HERE AND—-Copy !req
249. MOM?Copy !req
250. OH, BRENDON, I DIDN'T HEAR YOU
COME IN.Copy !req
251. THAT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE A BANANA
IN YOUR EAR.Copy !req
252. IT'S AN EARRING;
DO YOU LIKE IT?Copy !req
253. ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?Copy !req
254. SHOULD I PICK UP A TANGERINE
AND LISTEN?Copy !req
255. YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S NOTHING.
I'LL EXPLAIN IT LATER.Copy !req
256. IT SOUNDED LIKE YOU WERE
PRACTICING ASKING GRANDMACopy !req
257. FOR SOME MONEY.Copy !req
258. OH, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS,
BRENDON!Copy !req
259. WHAT AN IMAGINATION!Copy !req
260. LOOK, I WANT IN.Copy !req
261. FORGET IT.Copy !req
262. NO, I WANT IN.Copy !req
263. NO. YOU'RE GOING TO BED.Copy !req
264. NO, MOM, IT'S 6:30.
LOOK, I CAN HELP YOU.Copy !req
265. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT,
BRENDON?Copy !req
266. I HAVE SOME ADVICE
ON ASKING GRANDMA FOR MONEYCopy !req
267. IF THAT IS IN FACT WHAT YOU WERE
TALKING TO THE BANANA ABOUT.Copy !req
268. I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP
IN ASKING MY PARENTS FOR MONEY.Copy !req
269. BESIDES, I WASN'T GOING
TO ASK THEM FOR MONEY.Copy !req
270. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY
I'M DISCUSSING THIS WITH YOU.Copy !req
271. OKAY, FINE, BUT, UH,
IF YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT ITCopy !req
272. I'LL BE RIGHT OVER HERE.Copy !req
273. OKAY, I'M CURIOUS—...Copy !req
274. WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE?Copy !req
275. YOU GOT TO DO IT IN PERSON.Copy !req
276. YOU GOT TO GO OVER THERE.Copy !req
277. WHY?Copy !req
278. YOU HAVE TO COMPLIMENT
WHAT THEY'RE WEARING.Copy !req
279. THEN YOU FIND
THEIR WEAKNESS.Copy !req
280. IF YOU SIT DOWN
AT A CARD GAMECopy !req
281. AND YOU DON'T KNOW
WHO THE SUCKER IS...Copy !req
282. THEN IT'S PROBABLY YOU.Copy !req
283. YEAH.Copy !req
284. LOOK, MOM, YOU GOT TO SEE
WHAT WORKS ON THEM.Copy !req
285. YOU GOT TO DRAW IT
OUT OF THEMCopy !req
286. LIKE WHEN I DROP MY CHIN
IN MY CHEST AND LOOK AT YOUCopy !req
287. WITH MY PUPPY—DOG EYES,
LIKE THIS.Copy !req
288. OH, I GAVE THAT LOOK
FIVE DOLLARS LAST WEEK.Copy !req
289. GOTCHA!Copy !req
290. THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE
TO GO OVER TO THEIR HOUSECopy !req
291. AND YOU GOT TO GET THEM
INTO A CARD GAME.Copy !req
292. CARDS?Copy !req
293. THERE'S THE QUEEN.Copy !req
294. FIND THE LADY, MOM.Copy !req
295. WHERE'S THE LADY?Copy !req
296. RIGHT THERE!Copy !req
297. NO, NONE OF THEM.Copy !req
298. SEE? NOW YOU OWE ME 20 BUCKS.Copy !req
299. ONE MORE TIME.Copy !req
300. LET'S DO IT FACE UP.Copy !req
301. OW!Copy !req
302. STOP USING YOUR NOSE.Copy !req
303. I NEED YOU TO PRACTICE
AS MUCH AS YOU CANCopy !req
304. BEFORE FRIDAY'S GAME.Copy !req
305. YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT
THIS IS TO ME.Copy !req
306. I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING
TO GET HIGH SCHOOL KIDSCopy !req
307. TO PLAY IN OUR PLACES—...Copy !req
308. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT?Copy !req
309. TOO MUCH MONEY.Copy !req
310. OW!Copy !req
311. COACH McGUIRK,
I ACTUALLY HAVE TO LEAVE SOONCopy !req
312. SO I CAN'T STICK...Copy !req
313. ALTHOUGH I MUST SAY IT IS FUNNY
WHEN YOU USE YOUR FACE.Copy !req
314. OW!Copy !req
315. SEE?Copy !req
316. COACH, I HAVE TO LEAVE BECAUSE
I HAVE TO GO GET A JOB.Copy !req
317. A JOB?Copy !req
318. OW!Copy !req
319. BRENDON, YOU'RE ONLY
FIVE YEARS OLD.Copy !req
320. WHAT DO YOU NEED A JOB FOR?Copy !req
321. I'M EIGHT, AND I WANT
TO SAVE UP SOME MONEYCopy !req
322. SO I CAN BUY
A FISHEYE LENS—— OW!Copy !req
323. WHOA, MAMA.Copy !req
324. NO, WAIT!
STOP!Copy !req
325. HEY, STOP, I'M UP HERE!Copy !req
326. SOMEBODY'S...
SOMEBODY'S UP HERE.Copy !req
327. HEY! HEY, WHOA,
BABY ON BOARD.Copy !req
328. HELP!Copy !req
329. KNOCK—KNOCK.Copy !req
330. YOU KNOW, I HAVE THINGS FILED
IN A VERY SPECIFIC WAY.Copy !req
331. YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH
THE ALPHABET, RIGHT?Copy !req
332. UH... MOST OF IT.Copy !req
333. WELL, YOU KNOW, I USE
A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENTCopy !req
334. FILING SYSTEM SO FORGET
THE ALPHABET IF YOU CAN.Copy !req
335. DONE.Copy !req
336. IT'S A SYSTEM I INVENTED YEARS
AGO WITH MY YOUNGER BROTHERCopy !req
337. AND IT WAS INSPIRED
BY THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEMCopy !req
338. BUT IT'S REALLY
MY OWN SYSTEM.Copy !req
339. FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU HAVE
A HOUSE FOR SALE...Copy !req
340. MM—HMM.Copy !req
341. AND IT'S
A THREE—BEDROOM HOUSE...Copy !req
342. RIGHT.Copy !req
343. I WOULD SORT THAT
UNDER THE LETTER "T."Copy !req
344. OKAY.Copy !req
345. IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO BUY A HOUSE
AND YOU'RE A SINGLE PARENT...Copy !req
346. UH—HUH.Copy !req
347. I SORT IT UNDER "S."Copy !req
348. ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
349. IF YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED
IN BUYING A HOUSECopy !req
350. I DON'T EVEN FILE IT.Copy !req
351. HUH...Copy !req
352. I'M ONLY INTERESTED IN PEOPLE
WHO ARE BUYING OR SELLING HOUSESCopy !req
353. BECAUSE I'M IN
THE REAL ESTATE BUSINESS.Copy !req
354. RIGHT.Copy !req
355. I DON'T WORSHIP THE GROUND
THEY WALK ONCopy !req
356. BUT I BUY AND SELL
THE THINGS THAT ARE BUILTCopy !req
357. ON THE GROUND THEY WALK ON.Copy !req
358. OKAY, WELL, UH...Copy !req
359. AND ALSO, YOU KNOW,
I GET A LOT OF PHONE CALLS.Copy !req
360. I CAN ANSWER THE PHONE.Copy !req
361. SO IF SOMEONE CALLS,
THE TRICK IS NOT TO SAYCopy !req
362. THAT I'M HERE, JUST TO SAY
THAT YOU'RE GOING TO CHECKCopy !req
363. AND SEE IF I'M AVAILABLE.Copy !req
364. OKAY.Copy !req
365. SO IF SOMEONE CALLS, YOU SAY...Copy !req
366. YOU SAY, "REAL ESTATE.
WHO'S CALLING?"Copy !req
367. YOU GET THEIR NAME
AND SAY "CAN YOU HOLD?Copy !req
368. I'LL SEE IF HE'S AVAILABLE."Copy !req
369. OKAY.Copy !req
370. YOU WANT TO PRACTICE ONE?
I'LL PRETEND I'M CALLING.Copy !req
371. OKAY.Copy !req
372. YOU ANSWER THE PHONE.Copy !req
373. OH, OKAY.Copy !req
374. REAL... REAL ESTATE.Copy !req
375. FIRST YOU SAY HELLO.Copy !req
376. HELLO——REAL ESTATE.Copy !req
377. WHO'S CALLING, PLEASE?Copy !req
378. IS ERIC THERE?Copy !req
379. YEAH, I'LL GET HIM,
HOLD ON—— ERIC?Copy !req
380. YOU HAVE TO SAY YOU'RE GOING
TO SEE IF HE'S AVAILABLE.Copy !req
381. OH, OKAY.Copy !req
382. THAT'S SUCH A CRITICAL STEP.Copy !req
383. ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
384. DO YOU GET THE IDEA, BRENDON,
OF HOW THIS WORKS?Copy !req
385. YEAH, I THINK SO.Copy !req
386. CAN WE TRY ONE WHERE I CALL YOU?Copy !req
387. UH... YEAH, BUT... BUT,
JUST, THE OTHER THING IS...Copy !req
388. RING.Copy !req
389. HELLO.Copy !req
390. HI.
HI.Copy !req
391. HOW'S IT GOING?Copy !req
392. OKAY, YOU KNOW...Copy !req
393. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TODAY?Copy !req
394. I'M TRAINING A...Copy !req
395. WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER THAT?Copy !req
396. GOING OUT FOR A DRINK.Copy !req
397. OKAY.Copy !req
398. I GOT TO GET GOING.Copy !req
399. CAN I TELL HIM WHO'S CALLING?Copy !req
400. YOU FAMILIAR
WITH SHREDDING DOCUMENTS?Copy !req
401. THAT'S SHREDDING PAPER, RIGHT?Copy !req
402. YEAH, THESE ARE JUST FILES
THAT ARE NO LONGER NEEDEDCopy !req
403. AND THEY TAKE UP
A LOT OF SPACE.Copy !req
404. OKAY.Copy !req
405. AND IF WE DON'T SHRED THEM
SOMEBODY'S GOING TO GO AWAYCopy !req
406. FOR A VERY LONG TIME.Copy !req
407. I'M KIDDING, I'M KIDDING.Copy !req
408. SO IF YOU COULD JUST SHRED
ALL THESE DOCUMENTS,Copy !req
409. THAT WOULD BE GREAT.Copy !req
410. DOCUMENTS.Copy !req
411. YEAH, YOU PUT THE DOCUMENTS
IN THE FEEDERCopy !req
412. AND THEN YOU PUSH "SHRED"
AND THE REST HAPPENSCopy !req
413. PRETTY MUCH AUTOMATICALLY.Copy !req
414. CAN WE DO A PRACTICE ONE?Copy !req
415. YEAH.Copy !req
416. OKAY—— HELLO.Copy !req
417. YOU SAY "ERIC'S REAL ESTATE."Copy !req
418. ERIC'S REAL ESTATE.Copy !req
419. NOW PUSH "SHRED."Copy !req
420. SHRED.Copy !req
421. CAN YOU HANDLE IT?Copy !req
422. YEAH.Copy !req
423. I AM REALLY SORRY.Copy !req
424. YOU SAID ALL THE FILES;
I THOUGHT YOU MEANT EVERYTHINGCopy !req
425. IN ALL THE DRAWERS AND
EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE.Copy !req
426. ERIC, ARE YOU SURE THERE'S
NOTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU?Copy !req
427. I'M SO SORRY.Copy !req
428. NO.Copy !req
429. TECHNICALLY, ALL THE DOCUMENTS
ARE STILL HERE.Copy !req
430. THEY'RE NOT GONE.Copy !req
431. YEAH.Copy !req
432. THEY'RE JUST DISASSEMBLED,
AND IF YOU WANT ME TO,Copy !req
433. I CAN GO THROUGH THEM AND TRY
TO REASSEMBLE THEM.Copy !req
434. NO, THAT'S OKAY.Copy !req
435. ALL RIGHT—...Copy !req
436. WE'LL HANG OUT
THE REST OF THE DAY?Copy !req
437. NO, I DON'T THINK
THAT'S NECESSARY.Copy !req
438. SO AM I FIRED OR...?Copy !req
439. NOT AT ALL.Copy !req
440. IN FACT, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU
SOME TIME OFF.Copy !req
441. A VACATION?Copy !req
442. THANK YOU.Copy !req
443. CAN WE JUST TALK
ABOUT PAYMENT REALLY QUICKLY?Copy !req
444. YOU KNOW, I SHREDDED
YOUR CHECK BY MISTAKE.Copy !req
445. AND I'M SURE YOU UNDERSTAND HOW
THAT CAN HAPPEN.Copy !req
446. OH.Copy !req
447. OH, WELL, SO WHAT'S NEXT
ON THE, UH... AGENDA?Copy !req
448. YOU KNOW, I THINK IN YOUR OWN
CHILDISH WAYCopy !req
449. YOU'VE STUMBLED ACROSS
AN ENTIRELY NEW FILING SYSTEMCopy !req
450. FOR ME.Copy !req
451. RIGHT.Copy !req
452. THIS IS THE PAPERLESS OFFICE
THAT I'VE BEEN READING ABOUT.Copy !req
453. THAT'S WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY.Copy !req
454. WHAT... WHAT IS THIS?Copy !req
455. THAT'S LETTUCE——
GUESS WHAT KIND.Copy !req
456. I'M GOING TO SAY ROMAINE.Copy !req
457. YOU'RE RIGHT.Copy !req
458. THAT'S A TORTILLA RIGHT THERE.Copy !req
459. THAT WORKED OUT NICELY.Copy !req
460. YOU KNOW, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
DOES NOT SHRED NICELY IS, UM...Copy !req
461. THAT PLUM.Copy !req
462. OH, BECAUSE OF THE PIT?Copy !req
463. THE PIT KIND OF LIKE...Copy !req
464. I HAD TO GET IN THERE WITH A
SCREWDRIVER WHICH IS, UH...Copy !req
465. YEAH. YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE
THINGS I'M MOST PROUD OFCopy !req
466. AS A PARENT IS THAT I'VE NEVER
STRUCK A CHILD.Copy !req
467. YEAH?Copy !req
468. BUT I'M WILLING TO BE PROUD
OF SOMETHING ELSE TODAY.Copy !req
469. HI, BRENDON.Copy !req
470. HEY.Copy !req
471. HI, BRENDON.Copy !req
472. HEY.Copy !req
473. HOW'S WORK, YOU CHUMP?Copy !req
474. IT'S HARD WORK.Copy !req
475. WORK GOT YOU DOWN, SUCKA?Copy !req
476. JASON, HE COULD GET US
FREE ICE CREAM.Copy !req
477. REALLY?Copy !req
478. BUT I AM GLAD YOU GUYS STOPPED
BY BECAUSE I WANTEDCopy !req
479. TO PITCH YOU GUYS AN IDEA
FOR A MOVIE.Copy !req
480. GREAT—— WHAT IS IT?Copy !req
481. PICTURE THIS.Copy !req
482. IT'S ABOUT AN ICE CREAM WORKER
WITH A DREAM.Copy !req
483. OKAY, AND OUR HERO HOPES
THAT ONE DAY HE WILL INVENTCopy !req
484. THE BEST ICE CREAM IN THE WORLD.Copy !req
485. BUT WHILE WORKING ON IT,
HE EATS SOME BAD ICE CREAMCopy !req
486. AND HE GETS ALL DIZZY
AND EVERYTHING STARTSCopy !req
487. TO LOOK WEIRD AND CREEPY, SO...Copy !req
488. BRENDON, DO WE NEED
A FISHEYE LENS FOR THIS?Copy !req
489. YEAH.Copy !req
490. HOW CLOSE ARE YOU TO BUYING IT?Copy !req
491. BRENDON, WE CAN CALL IT
ICE DREAMS.Copy !req
492. HOW MUCH DO YOU GET PAID
HERE ANYWAY?Copy !req
493. ACTUALLY, MELISSA,
THEY HAVEN'T HIRED ME YET.Copy !req
494. THEY HAVEN'T?Copy !req
495. NO.Copy !req
496. WOW, BRENDON, YOU ARE A CHUMP.Copy !req
497. I FIGURE IF I COME OVER HERE
EVERY DAY AND DO A GOOD JOBCopy !req
498. THEY'LL HAVE
TO PAY ME SOMETHING.Copy !req
499. RIGHT, THAT'S SMART, BRENDON—...Copy !req
500. HOLD OUT FOR MONEY.Copy !req
501. I THINK IT SHOWS GOOD
INITIATIVE, BRENDON.Copy !req
502. HEY, KID, I TOLD YOU,
GO HOME!Copy !req
503. HOW'S SCHOOL, BRENDON?Copy !req
504. SCHOOL IS JUST TERRIFIC,
GRANDPA.Copy !req
505. MY TEACHERS LOVE ME.Copy !req
506. YOU SHOULD GO TO SCHOOL.Copy !req
507. WELL, I DO.Copy !req
508. HMM.Copy !req
509. SCHOOL IS GOOD.Copy !req
510. WELL, I MEAN,
THAT'S WHY I GO, GRAMPS.Copy !req
511. YEAH, I'M DOING WELL IN SPORTS.Copy !req
512. I'M PLAYING SOCCER.Copy !req
513. I'M THE BEST, JUST IN GENERAL,
YOU KNOW.Copy !req
514. WAIT, HOLD ON.Copy !req
515. WATCH... WATCH YOUR GRANDFATHER
DO THIS RIGHT NOW.Copy !req
516. HOLD ON.Copy !req
517. OH... OKAY, HOW'D YOU DO THAT?Copy !req
518. I CAN'T CONTROL MY...Copy !req
519. YOU KNOW, I DON'T GIVE
TWO DAMNS...Copy !req
520. YEAH.Copy !req
521. OH, GRANDPA.Copy !req
522. NO, NO, EXCEPT FOR THIS.Copy !req
523. THIS IS THE ONLY TIME
I ENJOY MYSELFCopy !req
524. WHEN I GET VISITORS
LIKE YOU, BRENDON.Copy !req
525. YOU KNOW, I'M GOING
TO CHEER YOU UP.Copy !req
526. YOU SEEM LIKE A GUY
THAT LIKES TO TAKE A CHANCECopy !req
527. WITH HIS MONEY AND...
YOU DON'T PLAY CARDS, DO YOU?Copy !req
528. SURE—— WHAT DO YOU PLAY?Copy !req
529. EVER HEARD OF THREE—CARD MONTY?Copy !req
530. YOU WANT TO PLAY POKER?Copy !req
531. I'LL PLAY POKER.Copy !req
532. SO, MOM, HOW'S IT GOING?Copy !req
533. JUST FINE, BRENDON.Copy !req
534. EVERYTHING'S FINE.Copy !req
535. YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T WAIT
TILL THE LAST MINUTE TO ASK.Copy !req
536. I'LL HANDLE THIS, OKAY?Copy !req
537. I DON'T WANT YOU WORRYING
ABOUT OUR FINANCIAL SITUATION.Copy !req
538. MAYBE NEXT YEAR
YOU CAN WORRY ABOUT IT.Copy !req
539. GET YOU A LITTLE BOX OF WORRY.Copy !req
540. THANK YOU.Copy !req
541. YEAH, NOT TO MAKE
MATTERS WORSE OR ANYTHINGCopy !req
542. BUT I OWE GRANDPA $60.Copy !req
543. PAULA, MAKE SURE YOU SAVE
ALL THE LEFTOVERS.Copy !req
544. I CAN GET A COUPLE OF MEALS
OUT OF THATCopy !req
545. FOR ME AND YOUR FATHER.Copy !req
546. OOPS.Copy !req
547. START DIGGING.Copy !req
548. THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR THE LOAN, MOM.Copy !req
549. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.Copy !req
550. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, PAULA.Copy !req
551. HELLO, FISHEYE LENS.Copy !req
552. ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY HUDDLE UP.Copy !req
553. THAT WAS A GREAT GAME,
ALL RIGHT?Copy !req
554. A GREAT GAME!Copy !req
555. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU KIDS.Copy !req
556. BUT WE DIDN'T EVEN WIN,
COACH McGUIRK.Copy !req
557. WE TIED.Copy !req
558. YEAH, COACH, ISN'T
A TIE LIKE THE SAME THINGCopy !req
559. AS KISSING YOUR SISTER?Copy !req
560. YEAH.Copy !req
561. HMM.Copy !req
562. ALL RIGHT, SO NICE JOB, TEAM.Copy !req
563. CONGRATULATIONS.Copy !req
564. THANKS.Copy !req
565. GO HOME, GET SOME REST.Copy !req
566. SORRY, COACH RALPH
DIDN'T SHOW UP.Copy !req
567. YEAH, WHAT HAPPENED
TO THAT GUY?Copy !req
568. LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY.Copy !req
569. COACH RALPH DOESN'T EXIST.Copy !req
570. HE IS A FIGMENT
OF MY IMAGINATION.Copy !req
571. SEE, MELISSA, YOU OWE ME
20 BUCKS NOW.Copy !req
572. YOU'RE RIGHT——
A BET'S A BET.Copy !req
573. SORRY, GUYS.Copy !req
574. SOMETIMES, THOUGH, I HAVE
TO TELL STORIES IN ORDERCopy !req
575. TO INSPIRE MY TEAM
SO I MADE UP A FICTITIOUS COACHCopy !req
576. NAMED RALPH...Copy !req
577. THAT'S 20 BUCKS, MELISSA.Copy !req
578. WHO WAS, LIKE, A MENTOR OF MINE.Copy !req
579. LET'S BE HONEST, I NEVER HAD
A MENTOR EXCEPT MAYBECopy !req
580. JERRY LEE LEWIS.Copy !req
581. BUT BEYOND THAT, NO, I DON'T
HAVE ANY SOCCER MENTORS.Copy !req
582. AS A MATTER OF FACT
I JUST STARTED PLAYING THE GAMECopy !req
583. A YEAR AGO...Copy !req
584. OH, OKAY, SO MY MOM SAID
I COULD PAY HER BACKCopy !req
585. A LITTLE BIT EVERY WEEK, SO...Copy !req
586. HELLO, YOU WANT TO LOOK
AT THE LENS AGAIN?Copy !req
587. OH, YEAH—...Copy !req
588. NO, ACTUALLY.Copy !req
589. THIS TIME, I WANT TO BUY IT.Copy !req
590. OH, REALLY?Copy !req
591. I'LL HAVE IT TO GO, PLEASE.Copy !req
592. THAT LENS WON'T FIT
ON THIS CAMERA.Copy !req
593. OH.Copy !req
594. UM... HUH! WELL, THEN, WHAT...Copy !req
595. WOULD I JUST NEED
A DIFFERENT CAMERA OR...?Copy !req
596. YEAH.Copy !req
597. AND ABOUT HOW MUCH IS THAT?Copy !req
598. $1,400.Copy !req
599. BRENDON,
THAT'S A LOT MORE EXPENSIVECopy !req
600. THAN THE OTHER ONE.Copy !req
601. I KNOW!Copy !req
602. I MEAN, THAT'S REALLY...Copy !req
603. I CAN'T AFFORD THAT
AND MY MOM CAN'T AFFORD THAT.Copy !req
604. NOBODY CAN AFFORD THAT.Copy !req
605. WHO CAN AFFORD $1,400?Copy !req
606. BRENDON, BRENDON...
I'M REALLY SORRY.Copy !req
607. I AM SO MAD AT YOU!Copy !req
608. I MEAN, AT THE SITUATION...Copy !req
609. AT THE SITUATION.Copy !req
610. BRENDON, LET'S GO.Copy !req
611. YOU KNOW WHAT?Copy !req
612. BRENDON, COME ON.Copy !req
613. NO!Copy !req
614. BRENDON, IT'S CHINATOWN,Copy !req
615. THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO.Copy !req
616. WHAT IS THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?Copy !req
617. FROM THE MOVIE CHINATOWN.Copy !req
618. I DIDN'T SEE CHINATOWN.Copy !req
619. I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO MAKE
MOVIES WITHOUT FISHEYE LENSES.Copy !req
620. YEAH.Copy !req
621. THANKS A LOT, MISTER.Copy !req
622. MY PLEASURE.Copy !req
623. WELL, ANY GOOD DIRECTOR WORKS
WITHIN HIS LIMITATIONS.Copy !req
624. THANK YOU.Copy !req
625. IS EVERYBODY ENJOYING
THEIR ICE CREAMS?Copy !req
626. YEAH.Copy !req
627. YEAH.Copy !req
628. THANKS, BRENDON.Copy !req
629. BRENDON, THIS IS
A WONDERFUL GESTURECopy !req
630. BUT I'D RATHER SEE YOU
SAVE YOUR MONEY.Copy !req
631. LET ME GIVE YOU THE MONEY
FOR THESE, PLEASE?Copy !req
632. MOM, I'VE LEARNED A LITTLE BIT
ABOUT MONEYCopy !req
633. IN THESE LAST FEW DAYS—...Copy !req
634. NOT A LOT, BUT A LITTLE.Copy !req
635. AND SO MY ANSWER TO YOU
IS YES, OF COURSE.Copy !req
636. I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU
TO PAY FOR THESE.Copy !req
637. I MEAN, WHO DO YOU THINK I AM,
BUYING EVERYBODY ICE CREAM?Copy !req
638. I'M JUST A KID.Copy !req
639. GREAT SPEECH, BRENDON.Copy !req
640. I'M A LITTLE SHORT HERE.Copy !req
641. JASON, PAY HER.Copy !req