1. OKAY.Copy !req
2. FOR THIS SCENE, WE GOT TO FOCUS
ON EMOTION, ON MOTIVATION.Copy !req
3. MELISSA, YOU LOOK GREAT.Copy !req
4. THANK YOU.Copy !req
5. BUT YOU DON'T FEEL GREAT.Copy !req
6. I DON'T?Copy !req
7. NO, YOU'RE RITA AND RITA'S
TORMENTED, YOU KNOW.Copy !req
8. TORMENTED?Copy !req
9. YEAH.Copy !req
10. BRENDON, HOW DO I LOOK?Copy !req
11. YOU LOOK, UH, FORLORN, JASON.Copy !req
12. DO I LOOK GREAT?Copy !req
13. NO... NO.Copy !req
14. YOU LOOK FORLORN.Copy !req
15. I DON'T FEEL FORLORN.Copy !req
16. JASON, YOU'RE PLAYING
THE PART OF RANDY.Copy !req
17. AND RANDY IS FORLORN.Copy !req
18. BRENDON?Copy !req
19. YEAH?Copy !req
20. UM, IS THIS FORLORN?Copy !req
21. NO, ACTUALLY NO——FORLORN...Copy !req
22. HOW ABOUT THIS...Copy !req
23. FORLORN IS SAD, JASON,
YOU'VE GOT TO...Copy !req
24. HOW ABOUT THIS?Copy !req
25. MELISSA.
YEAH?Copy !req
26. HOW DO YOU SPELL
"SOPHISTICATED"?Copy !req
27. UM...Copy !req
28. S—O—F...Copy !req
29. WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.Copy !req
30. SLOW DOWN.Copy !req
31. TAKE IT ONE LETTER AT A TIME.Copy !req
32. AS YOU WERE SAYING.Copy !req
33. SOPHISTICATED.
S—O—F...Copy !req
34. WAIT, YOU KNOW WHAT?Copy !req
35. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO
THAT SPELLING BEE CRAP.Copy !req
36. IT'S JUST THE WAY
THAT I KNOW HOW TO SPELL IT.Copy !req
37. BUT IN REALITY YOU DON'T HAVE TO
SAY WORDS BEFORE YOU SAY THEM.Copy !req
38. LIKE I DON'T HAVE TO SAY SAY
EVERY EVERY WORD WORDCopy !req
39. TWICE TWICE.Copy !req
40. ALL RIGHT? ALL RIGHT?Copy !req
41. OKAY.Copy !req
42. SOPHISTICATED.Copy !req
43. YOU DID IT AGAIN, MELISSA.Copy !req
44. I'M SORRY.Copy !req
45. JUST SPELL THE WORD.Copy !req
46. UM... I CAN'T DO IT
WITHOUT SAYING IT.Copy !req
47. COME ON.Copy !req
48. S—O—F...Copy !req
49. ALL RIGHT, S—O—F...Copy !req
50. I—S...Copy !req
51. T—I...
T...Copy !req
52. RIGHT.
RIGHT.Copy !req
53. E...Copy !req
54. SOPHISTICATED—— D—C...Copy !req
55. I THOUGHT IT WAS OVER.Copy !req
56. D...Copy !req
57. C—D.Copy !req
58. AND THEN ANOTHER "D" AT THE END.Copy !req
59. TWO Ds AT THE END?Copy !req
60. DOES IT LOOK RIGHT WITH TWO Ds?Copy !req
61. NO.Copy !req
62. ONE "D."Copy !req
63. DO YOU HAVE AN ERASER?Copy !req
64. YEAH.Copy !req
65. WELL, GIVE IT TO ME.Copy !req
66. THE ERASER SMELLS
LIKE STRAWBERRIES.Copy !req
67. WELL, IT DOESN'T TASTE
LIKE STRAWBERRIES.Copy !req
68. C—D.Copy !req
69. WOW, THAT'S A LONG WORD.Copy !req
70. I KNOW.Copy !req
71. DO ME A FAVOR, WILL YOU?Copy !req
72. READ THIS AND TELL ME
WHAT YOU THINK.Copy !req
73. WHAT IS IT?Copy !req
74. IT'S A PAPER I WROTE—...Copy !req
75. AN ARTICLE.Copy !req
76. WOW.Copy !req
77. YEAH.Copy !req
78. I WRITE FOR
A NEWSPAPER OCCASIONALLY.Copy !req
79. THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.Copy !req
80. YEAH——
WELL, JUST READ IT, PLEASE.Copy !req
81. OKAY.Copy !req
82. "HANDSOME, SOFIS... HANDSOME..."Copy !req
83. "SOPHISTICATED," MELISSA.Copy !req
84. OH, RIGHT.
"HANDSOME, SOFISTICATED MAN.Copy !req
85. ENJOYS FINE WINE
AND LOTS OF IT..."Copy !req
86. YEAH, I LOVE THAT.Copy !req
87. "SEEKS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
FOR LONG WALKS."Copy !req
88. THAT'S REALLY SWEET,
COACH McGUIRK.Copy !req
89. I CHANGED IT
FROM "ENJOYS ALCOHOL."Copy !req
90. IT SOUNDS NICER.Copy !req
91. I HAVE TO BOIL DOWN MY WHOLE
PERSONALITY IN ONE HUGE LIE.Copy !req
92. YOU DID A GOOD JOB.Copy !req
93. WELL, THANKS.Copy !req
94. JASON, STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE.Copy !req
95. MELISSA, I'M NOT PICKING IT.Copy !req
96. I'M PULLING THINGS OUT OF IT.Copy !req
97. OH, WHA...
WE'RE SET FOR SATURDAY, RIGHT?Copy !req
98. HI, BRENDON.Copy !req
99. HI, JASON.
WE'RE SET FOR SATURDAY, GUYS?Copy !req
100. SATURDAY?Copy !req
101. YEAH.Copy !req
102. UM, STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE.Copy !req
103. NO, BECAUSE THE, THE...Copy !req
104. ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
SO WE'RE ON FOR SATURDAY?Copy !req
105. BRENDON, I THINK I'M AVAILABLE
MAYBE EVEN NEXT SATURDAY.Copy !req
106. OKAY, YOU KNOW, I'M ONLY
ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN, UH...Copy !req
107. ACTUALLY, BRENDON,
I CAN'T MAKE IT.Copy !req
108. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, UH,
YOU CAN'T MAKE IT?Copy !req
109. WELL, I'M GOING TO VISIT MY
GRANDFATHER IN THE NURSING HOME.Copy !req
110. DO YOU HAVE TO GO?Copy !req
111. NO, BUT I LIKE VISITING HIM.Copy !req
112. I MEAN, HE'S REALLY OLD,Copy !req
113. BUT HE'S REALLY NICE.Copy !req
114. FOR YOUR OWN SAKE,
DO NOT GO BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,Copy !req
115. IT'S NOT HEALTHY FOR YOU
TO BE HANGING AROUNDCopy !req
116. WITH OLD PEOPLE BECAUSE,
YOU KNOW, YOU COULD CATCHCopy !req
117. AN OLD PERSON'S DISEASE AND, UH,
SUDDENLY BECOME OLD.Copy !req
118. BRENDON, THAT'S A MYTH.Copy !req
119. YOU'D LIKE MY GRANDFATHER.Copy !req
120. HE'S A GREAT STORYTELLER.Copy !req
121. YOU KNOW TITANIC?Copy !req
122. YEAH, OF COURSE I DO.Copy !req
123. HE SAW THE ORIGINAL MOVIE.Copy !req
124. WHOA, WELL, THAT'S, UH...Copy !req
125. UH, BRENDON, MY GRANDFATHER
CALLS ME DEBBIECopy !req
126. AND TRIES TO KISS ME.Copy !req
127. NO, MY GRANDFATHER WAS, UM,
A SURGEON AND LOST A,Copy !req
128. MALPRACTICE SUIT BECAUSE HE CUT
OFF THE WRONG LEG.Copy !req
129. THAT'S AWFUL!Copy !req
130. IT'S... IT'S TERRIBLE, JASON.Copy !req
131. YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
THE PATIENT SAIDCopy !req
132. BUT HE WAS A LITTLE MORE ANGRY.Copy !req
133. IS YOUR GRANDFATHER
STILL A SURGEON?Copy !req
134. NO. THAT'S THE SHORT STORY.Copy !req
135. THE LONG STORY IS THAT NOW
HE IS A VERY SUCCESSFUL,Copy !req
136. UH, MALPRACTICE LAWYER.Copy !req
137. I'LL GET IT. I'LL GET IT.Copy !req
138. SMALL RESIDENCE.Copy !req
139. BRENDON?Copy !req
140. UH, WHO'S CALLING, PLEASE?Copy !req
141. IT'S ME.Copy !req
142. HEY.Copy !req
143. HEY.Copy !req
144. KEVIN.Copy !req
145. NO. IT'S MELISSA.Copy !req
146. OH.Copy !req
147. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?Copy !req
148. TALKING TO YOU.Copy !req
149. I HAVE AN IDEA.
ACTUALLY A PROPOSITION.Copy !req
150. I'M LISTENING.Copy !req
151. DO YOU WANT TO DO A DOCUMENTARY
ABOUT MY GRANDFATHER?Copy !req
152. I'M, UH, NOT LISTENING, NO.Copy !req
153. WHY?Copy !req
154. MELISSA, I DON'T
DO DOCUMENTARIES.Copy !req
155. HOW COME?Copy !req
156. BECAUSE I DON'T.Copy !req
157. OH, I SEE.Copy !req
158. YOU DON'T DO THEM BECAUSE
THEY'RE TOO HARD.Copy !req
159. WHAT? NO.Copy !req
160. OH, MAYBE BECAUSE
A DOCUMENTARY'SCopy !req
161. NOT LIKE A REGULAR MOVIE.Copy !req
162. MELISSA, I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN A DOCUMENTARYCopy !req
163. AND A REGULAR MOVIE, OKAY, SO.Copy !req
164. YEAH?Copy !req
165. YEAH, I DO.Copy !req
166. AND I HAVE THE VERSATILITY
TO DO BOTH.Copy !req
167. YEAH?Copy !req
168. YEAH, AND I WILL DO YOUR
DOCUMENTARY OF YOUR GRANDFATHER.Copy !req
169. I WILL, BECAUSE AS A DIRECTOR
I DON'T WANTCopy !req
170. TO BE PIGEON—TOED, ALL RIGHT?Copy !req
171. YOU MEAN PIGEONHOLED?Copy !req
172. YES.Copy !req
173. SO YOU'LL DO IT?Copy !req
174. YEAH, OF COURSE I WILL.Copy !req
175. OKAY, GOOD, BECAUSE
HERE'S THE BEST PART.Copy !req
176. MY FATHER SAID
THAT HE'LL PAY YOUCopy !req
177. BECAUSE HE WANTS
TO SHOW THE VIDEOCopy !req
178. AT MY GRANDFATHER'S 75th
BIRTHDAY PARTY NEXT WEEK.Copy !req
179. PAY? AS IN MONEY?Copy !req
180. MM—HMM.Copy !req
181. FOR DOING WHAT I LOVE TO DO?Copy !req
182. THROW A NUMBER OUT, YOU KNOW.Copy !req
183. TEN.Copy !req
184. THAT SOUNDS GREAT.Copy !req
185. OKAY. I GOT TO GO.Copy !req
186. I ALREADY HUNG UP.Copy !req
187. OH. BRENDON?Copy !req
188. WE'RE SORRY, THE CALL YOU...Copy !req
189. BRENDON, THAT'S ENOUGH
OF THE SONG!Copy !req
190. MOM! HEY, I'M BEING CREATIVE.Copy !req
191. LOOK AT THIS GUY.
IT'S A CAR, NOT A COUCH.Copy !req
192. COME ON, YOU OLD FART.Copy !req
193. OH, MOM! YEAH!Copy !req
194. COME ON, GRAMPS,
LET'S GO, MOVE IT!Copy !req
195. YEAH, OLD PEOPLE!Copy !req
196. HE'S SLEEPING.Copy !req
197. SLEEPING!Copy !req
198. MOVE IT!Copy !req
199. MOVE IT!Copy !req
200. THANK YOU.Copy !req
201. THANK YOU.Copy !req
202. OH, MOM, WE HAVE SO MUCH FUN
ON OUR CAR RIDES.Copy !req
203. DON'T WE?Copy !req
204. MOM, MOM, MOM...Copy !req
205. HEY, IS THIS MOZART?Copy !req
206. I THINK VIVALDI.Copy !req
207. NO, NO, BEHIND YOU.Copy !req
208. DAD, NOT TOO MUCH BUTTER.Copy !req
209. YOU'VE GOT TO WATCH
YOUR CHOLESTEROL.Copy !req
210. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
YOU HAVE IT.Copy !req
211. SO, DAD, HOW WAS YOUR DAY?Copy !req
212. I DIDN'T TELL YOU?Copy !req
213. I SOLD TWO HOUSES.Copy !req
214. THAT'S GREAT!Copy !req
215. YEAH, AND ONE OF THEM
WAS FOR SALE.Copy !req
216. DAD.Copy !req
217. HOW WAS SCHOOL?Copy !req
218. I GOT A STAR ON MY PAPER.Copy !req
219. WELL, YOU CAN GET IT OFF.
DON'T WORRY.Copy !req
220. NO, THAT—THAT'S GOOD.Copy !req
221. DID YOU SELL A HOUSE?Copy !req
222. NO.Copy !req
223. LOSER!Copy !req
224. NO... BUT I AM SO PROUD OF YOU,
MELISSA.Copy !req
225. YOU KNOW THAT, DON'T YOU?Copy !req
226. YES.Copy !req
227. HEY, I'M EXCITED ABOUT
THIS VIDEO RECORDING PROJECT.Copy !req
228. GRANDPA IS REALLY GOING
TO LOVE IT OR HATE IT.Copy !req
229. HE'S GOING TO REACT.Copy !req
230. TWO KIDS' CHEESEBURGERS
AND ONE ADULT.Copy !req
231. TWO SMALL FRIES.Copy !req
232. YES, MOTHER.Copy !req
233. NO, FORGET THE SMALL FRIES...
JUST ONE LARGE.Copy !req
234. BUT MOM...Copy !req
235. TWO SMALL ORANGE SODAS.Copy !req
236. MOM, MOM, I WANT MY OWN FRIES.Copy !req
237. NO, WE'RE GOING TO SPLIT IT.Copy !req
238. NO, MOM...Copy !req
239. TWO SMALL ORANGE SODAS
AND A LARGE...Copy !req
240. MOM, I WANT MY OWN!Copy !req
241. YOU NEVER FINISH YOUR FRIES—...Copy !req
242. IT'S A WASTE OF FOOD AND MONEY.Copy !req
243. BUT SOMEDAY I'M GOING
TO FINISH THEM, MOMCopy !req
244. AND TODAY COULD BE THAT DAY.Copy !req
245. DON'T YOU FEEL IT, MOM?Copy !req
246. COME ON!Copy !req
247. Come on!Copy !req
248. YEAH, MOM, SEE, MOM,
EVEN THE SPEAKER GUY SAYSCopy !req
249. I SHOULD HAVE MY OWN FRIES
AND HE DOES THIS FOR A LIVING.Copy !req
250. IT'S TRUE.Copy !req
251. MOM, HE DEALS WITH FRIES
ALL DAY!Copy !req
252. NO!Copy !req
253. HOW ABOUT I HANDLE MY KIDS,
OKAY, MISTER?Copy !req
254. Just trying to help.Copy !req
255. DO YOU HAVE MONEY ON YOU?Copy !req
256. NO.Copy !req
257. OKAY, LOOK——
YOU DISTRACT THE WAITER.Copy !req
258. I'M GOING TO SLIP OUT THE BACK
AND START THE CAR, OKAY?Copy !req
259. DAD.Copy !req
260. OKAY, YOU DISTRACT THE WAITER;
I'LL START THE CAR.Copy !req
261. DAD.Copy !req
262. OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
FORGET THE CAR.Copy !req
263. LET'S JUST BOTH DISTRACT
THE WAITER.Copy !req
264. HOW'S YOUR CHEESEBURGER,
BRENDON?Copy !req
265. IS THAT WHAT THIS
IS SUPPOSED TO BE?Copy !req
266. FUNNY, HOW ARE THOSE FRIES
COMING ALONG?Copy !req
267. UM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.Copy !req
268. I THINK I STILL SEE
SOME FRIES THERE.Copy !req
269. WELL, I, UH, CAN'T FINISH THEM.Copy !req
270. THANK YOU FOR ASKING.Copy !req
271. WHY CAN'T YOU FINISH THEM?Copy !req
272. BECAUSE THERE ARE TOO MANY.Copy !req
273. OH, DARN.Copy !req
274. TOO MANY FRIES, HUH?Copy !req
275. YOU JUST CAN'T FINISH
YOUR OWN FRIES.Copy !req
276. MOM...Copy !req
277. AND I FORGOT TO BRING
MY BAG OF I—TOLD—YOU—SOs.Copy !req
278. YOU GOT A NEW BAG
OF I—TOLD—YOU— SOs?Copy !req
279. YEAH, REMIND ME TO GIVE YOU
A GREAT, BIG, FAT BAGCopy !req
280. OF I—TOLD—YOU—SOs WHEN WE GET
HOME, OKAY, BRENDON?Copy !req
281. MOM, WE HARDLY HAVE ENOUGH MONEY
FOR FRIES AND YOU'RE,Copy !req
282. LIKE, SPENDING MONEY ON BAGS
OF I—TOLD—YOU—SOs?Copy !req
283. WATCH IT, BRENDON.Copy !req
284. "WHERE WERE YOU
WHEN KENNEDY WAS SHOT?"Copy !req
285. IT BECAME AMERICA'S QUESTION.Copy !req
286. I, MYSELF, I WAS AT WORK.Copy !req
287. AL STEELE CAME INTO MY OFFICE.Copy !req
288. HE SAID TO ME,
"KENNEDY HAS BEEN SHOT."Copy !req
289. AND I SAW A TEAR ROLLING
DOWN HIS CHEEK.Copy !req
290. HE WAS CRYING.Copy !req
291. SO...Copy !req
292. THIS SUCKS.Copy !req
293. THIS IS SO BORING.Copy !req
294. MELISSA'S DAD IS GOING
TO ASK FOR HIS MONEY BACKCopy !req
295. AND I'VE ALREADY SPENT IT
AND HE HASN'T EVEN PAID ME YET.Copy !req
296. YOU KNOW, IT'S VERY EDUCATIONAL.Copy !req
297. SO'S A BOOK!Copy !req
298. YOU KNOW, I CAN'T HAVE MY NAME
ATTACHED TO SOMETHING LIKE THIS.Copy !req
299. BRENDON, IT'S WHAT
MELISSA WANTED.Copy !req
300. I BET I CAN MAKE IT BETTER,
JASON.Copy !req
301. I CAN SAVE THIS PUPPY.Copy !req
302. GRANDPA NED, GRAM...Copy !req
303. HEY, HEY, CAPTAIN.Copy !req
304. HEY, WAKE UP.
HOW ARE YOU?Copy !req
305. OKAY?Copy !req
306. TO THE LEFT——
OVER TO THE LEFT.Copy !req
307. OKAY.Copy !req
308. NICE.Copy !req
309. TELL US SOME STORIES
ABOUT THE WAR AND STUFF.Copy !req
310. OH, YES, WORLD WAR II.Copy !req
311. WE CALLED IT W—W—II.Copy !req
312. WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU USED
TO LISTENCopy !req
313. TO THE RADIO ALL THE TIME?Copy !req
314. TELL ME ABOUT THAT.Copy !req
315. OH, WE USED TO ACTUALLY LISTEN
TO THE RADIO.Copy !req
316. TELL ME ABOUT THAT.Copy !req
317. OKAY, EVERYBODY,
HERE IS THE GUEST OF HONOR.Copy !req
318. EVERYBODY SING.Copy !req
319. DAD...Copy !req
320. HEY, DAD, WAKE UP.Copy !req
321. WE'RE GOING TO WATCH...Copy !req
322. WE'RE GOING TO WATCH THE VIDEO
NOW.Copy !req
323. HUH? OH, YES.Copy !req
324. WHERE IS THAT?Copy !req
325. BRENDON, WILL YOU DO THE HONORS?Copy !req
326. YEAH, EVERYONE PLEASE FOCUS
YOUR ATTENTION TO THE TV.Copy !req
327. THANK YOU.Copy !req
328. IT WAS 1938.Copy !req
329. WE WERE LISTENING TO THE RADIO.Copy !req
330. WE ALWAYS LISTENED TO THE RADIO,
BECAUSE TV WASN'T BORN YET.Copy !req
331. I WAS...Copy !req
332. THE RADIO.Copy !req
333. IN THE 1930s, IT WAS THE SIZE
OF A REFRIGERATORCopy !req
334. AND EVERYBODY LOVED THE RADIO.Copy !req
335. I LOVE YOU, RADIO.Copy !req
336. TURN IT OFF, PLEASE.Copy !req
337. BRENDON, IS THIS
SOME SORT OF JOKE?Copy !req
338. UH, UM, UH...
YEAH.Copy !req
339. BRENDON, HOW COULD YOU?Copy !req
340. UM, JASON.Copy !req
341. WHAT DID YOU DO...
TO THE VIDEO, JASON?Copy !req
342. UM...Copy !req
343. BRENDON, I AM SO...Copy !req
344. MELISSA, DON'T EVEN...Copy !req
345. YOU LOOK SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW,
THIS IS PERFECT.Copy !req
346. I WISH I HAD A CAMERA,
BECAUSE, UH...Copy !req
347. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?Copy !req
348. SO WHAT DID MELISSA
SAY ABOUT ME?Copy !req
349. IS SHE... IS SHE STILL
MAD AT ME?Copy !req
350. OH, SHE SAID SHE WAS UPSET
BECAUSE YOU MADE POTTERYCopy !req
351. OUT OF HER GRANDFATHER.Copy !req
352. POTTERY, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?Copy !req
353. POTTERY, LIKE A VASE OR...Copy !req
354. OKAY, ARE YOU SURE SHE DIDN'T
SAY "MOCKERY?"Copy !req
355. MOCKERY WOULD MAKE MORE SENSE,
WOULDN'T IT?Copy !req
356. UH, YEAH.Copy !req
357. BECAUSE, UM, YOU DID
MAKE A MOCKERYCopy !req
358. OF HER GRANDFATHER'S BIRTHDAY.Copy !req
359. WELL, I MEAN, I GUESS.Copy !req
360. BUT SHE SAID "POTTERY."Copy !req
361. WELL, IT WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE FUNNY, YOU KNOWCopy !req
362. BUT POIGNANT FUNNY.Copy !req
363. I MEAN, I DIDN'T REALLY MEAN
TO MAKE FUN OF THE GUYCopy !req
364. BUT IT WAS SO EASY.Copy !req
365. FIRST OF ALL, LIFE SUCKS.Copy !req
366. ALL RIGHT?Copy !req
367. YEAH.Copy !req
368. PERIOD.
DONE DEAL.Copy !req
369. YOU GOT IT?Copy !req
370. GOT IT.Copy !req
371. THERE'S YOUR LESSON.Copy !req
372. GO ENJOY IT.Copy !req
373. SEE YOU LATER.Copy !req
374. WAIT A MINUTE.Copy !req
375. THERE'S TWO KINDS OF FUNNY,
BRENDON, RIGHT?Copy !req
376. OKAY.Copy !req
377. THERE'S MEAN FUNNY,
WHICH IS, YOU KNOWCopy !req
378. WHEN YOU MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE
AND GET LAUGHS AT THEIR EXPENSE.Copy !req
379. LIKE STUFFING THAT NERDY KID
IN A LOCKER.Copy !req
380. WHAT'S HIS NAME?Copy !req
381. UM... BRIAN?Copy !req
382. CARLO, THE ITALIAN KID.
WITH THE FUNNY ACCENT.Copy !req
383. THAT'S FUNNY, TOO.Copy !req
384. ACCENTS ARE FUNNY.Copy !req
385. OKAY, YEAH, BUT I DON'T SEE
HOW THAT'S GOING TO HELP.Copy !req
386. THEN THERE'S NICE FUNNY—...Copy !req
387. LIKE MAYBE A LITTLE LIGHT
SARCASM OR A CLEVER TWISTCopy !req
388. OR A KNOCK—KNOCK JOKE.Copy !req
389. I LIKE THOSE.Copy !req
390. YOU LIKE THOSE?Copy !req
391. UM...Copy !req
392. KNOCK—KNOCK.Copy !req
393. HUH.Copy !req
394. BRENDON, KNOCK—KNOCK.Copy !req
395. I'M DOING A KNOCK—KNOCK JOKE.Copy !req
396. KNOCK—KNOCK.Copy !req
397. UH, HELLO.Copy !req
398. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "HELLO"?Copy !req
399. YOU SAY "WHO'S THERE?" BRENDON.Copy !req
400. DO YOU KNOW A KNOCK—KNOCK JOKE?Copy !req
401. YEAH, UH...Copy !req
402. I SAY "KNOCK—KNOCK,"
YOU SAY "WHO'S THERE?"Copy !req
403. YEAH, RIGHT.Copy !req
404. I'M NOT A BIG FAN OF...Copy !req
405. YOU KNOW WHAT?
DO IT.Copy !req
406. KNOCK—KNOCK.Copy !req
407. WHO'S THERE?Copy !req
408. NO, WAIT A MINUTE,
YOU SAY "KNOCK—KNOCK."Copy !req
409. I DON'T...
KNOCK—KNOCK.Copy !req
410. WHO'S THERE?Copy !req
411. I DON'T KNOW.Copy !req
412. "I DON'T KNOW" WHO?Copy !req
413. I DON'T KNOW, I HATE THIS JOKE.Copy !req
414. THAT'S NOT FUNNY.Copy !req
415. IT'S GOT TO BE A PUN
OR SOMETHING.Copy !req
416. YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET IT.Copy !req
417. WHERE WAS I?Copy !req
418. OH, YEAH, NICE FUNNY.Copy !req
419. YOU KNOW, WHAT YOU DID
TO MELISSA'S GRANDFATHERCopy !req
420. WAS MEAN FUNNY, BRENDON.Copy !req
421. OKAY.Copy !req
422. PUTTING A WIG AND MAKEUP ON SOME
OLD MAN WHILE HE'S SLEEPING.Copy !req
423. DID YOU PUT LIPSTICK ON HIM?Copy !req
424. YEAH.Copy !req
425. YOU DID? THAT'S GOOD.Copy !req
426. DID YOU PUSH THE CALL BUTTON
OR DO THE BED THING WHERE,Copy !req
427. YOU KNOW, YOU GO UP AND DOWN?Copy !req
428. HE'S IN PRETTY BAD SHA...Copy !req
429. NO, WE DIDN'T IMPAIR HIS HEALTH.Copy !req
430. OH.Copy !req
431. NO.Copy !req
432. THAT'S HOW MY GRANDFATHER DIED.Copy !req
433. YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, UH, COACH,
MELISSA'S MAD AT MECopy !req
434. ABOUT THE WHOLE THING.Copy !req
435. WELL, ALL YOU GOT TO DO
IS MAKE IT UP TO HER.Copy !req
436. OKAY, OKAY, BUT HOW?Copy !req
437. USUALLY I JUST SAY "I'M SORRY."Copy !req
438. YEAH, WELL, I MEAN,
THAT COULD WORK...Copy !req
439. OR YOU GIVE SOMEONE MONEY.Copy !req
440. RIGHT.Copy !req
441. PAY THEM, LIKE A GIFT.
BUY HER A...Copy !req
442. CASH GIFT.Copy !req
443. OF COURSE, SOMETIMES
I HAVE TO PAY A FINE.Copy !req
444. DAD?Copy !req
445. YEAH.Copy !req
446. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?Copy !req
447. CRYING.Copy !req
448. YOU WERE LAUGHING.Copy !req
449. YOU'RE RIGHT.Copy !req
450. BUT IT'S FUNNY.Copy !req
451. A 75—YEAR—OLD MAN IN DRAG?Copy !req
452. WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE?Copy !req
453. BUT AREN'T YOU MAD AT BRENDON?Copy !req
454. UH, WELL, HE MAY HAVE GONE
A LITTLE TOO FARCopy !req
455. BUT I DON'T THINK HE WAS BEING
MALICIOUS, MELISSA.Copy !req
456. BOY, SAY THAT THREE TIMES FAST.Copy !req
457. DON'T BE TAKEN IN BY
HIS BOYISH CHARM.Copy !req
458. BUT HE IS A BOY.Copy !req
459. HI, GUYS.Copy !req
460. IT'S GOING TO TAKE MORE
THAN BALLOONS AND FLOWERSCopy !req
461. FOR ME TO FORGIVE YOU,
BRENDON SMALL.Copy !req
462. WOW, BOTH NAMES.Copy !req
463. HEY, CAN I HAVE
SOME OF THAT CANDY?Copy !req
464. NO.Copy !req
465. WOULD YOU LIKE A BALLOON,
ANYTHING?Copy !req
466. THANKS, BRENDON,
THAT'S A LITTLE...Copy !req
467. BRENDON.
WHAT, JASON?Copy !req
468. BRENDON.Copy !req
469. HELP, I'M STUCK IN THE RAVINE.Copy !req
470. OH, BABY, I CAN'T GET
ENOUGH OF THIS STUFF!Copy !req
471. OH, HERE, CAN I GET
THAT FOR YOU, MA'AM?Copy !req
472. THAT'S A MAN.Copy !req
473. LADY, MAN.Copy !req
474. LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.Copy !req
475. HEY, BUTTER FINGERS.Copy !req
476. BRENDON, LET'S GO.Copy !req
477. IT'S NOT ME!
MY MOM DID IT!Copy !req
478. BRENDON!Copy !req
479. THAT WAS REAL NICE OF YOU
TO HELP HER, MOM.Copy !req
480. THE ELDERLY SHOULD BE TREATED
WITH RESPECT.Copy !req
481. YEAH, BUT NOT
ALL THE TIME, RIGHT?Copy !req
482. ALWAYS.Copy !req
483. YEAH, BUT, UM, YOU SAID
THEY WERE OLD FARTS.Copy !req
484. BRENDON, I NEVER SAID THAT.Copy !req
485. YES, YOU DID——
IN THE CAR.Copy !req
486. MOM, I HAVE IT ON TAPE.Copy !req
487. BRENDON, STOP TAPING
OUR CONVERSATIONS.Copy !req
488. WHAT'S GOING ON?Copy !req
489. I GUESS I DID SOMETHING
THAT MIGHT HAVECopy !req
490. HURT SOMEBODY'S FEELINGS.Copy !req
491. AN OLD PERSON'S FEELINGS?Copy !req
492. WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT?Copy !req
493. JUST A GUESS.Copy !req
494. NO, IT'S MELISSA.Copy !req
495. WELL, DID YOU APOLOGIZE?Copy !req
496. YES, I DID, IN FACT.Copy !req
497. WELL, THAT'S GOOD, AND...?Copy !req
498. SHE'S STILL MAD.Copy !req
499. OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU COULD DO?Copy !req
500. WHAT?Copy !req
501. FLOWERS AND CANDY.Copy !req
502. I DID THAT.Copy !req
503. OH, BOTH?Copy !req
504. YEAH.Copy !req
505. I GUESS I'M ALL OUT OF IDEAS.Copy !req
506. OKAY.Copy !req
507. OKAY, SO THAT'S DONE.Copy !req
508. SO WE'RE FINISHED
TALKING ABOUT THAT.Copy !req
509. YEAH, WE'LL JUST SHOP NOW.Copy !req
510. COACH McGUIRK, I THINK
I KNOW WHAT I CAN DOCopy !req
511. TO MAKE IT UP TO MELISSA.Copy !req
512. GOOD FOR YOU, BRENDON.Copy !req
513. I'M GOING TO DO A REENACTMENT
OF MELISSA'S GRANDFATHER'S LIFE.Copy !req
514. DAVID, DON'T USE YOUR HANDS!Copy !req
515. THIS IS NOT TENNIS.Copy !req
516. I CAN KEEP SOME OF HIS NARRATION
BUT INTERCUT ITCopy !req
517. WITH NEW SCENES AND...Copy !req
518. DAVID.Copy !req
519. SOCCER——
NO HANDS.Copy !req
520. COACH, I MEAN, HE SAVED
A GUY'S LIFE IN THE WARCopy !req
521. AND, YOU KNOW,
THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO SHOW...Copy !req
522. DAVID, I'M GOING TO COME OUT
THERE AND CUT THOSE OFF!Copy !req
523. YOU THINK I'M KIDDING, DAVID?Copy !req
524. IT'S JUST A NEW...Copy !req
525. WHAT'S THE STUPID LOOK FOR?
THAT KID'S GOT TO LEARN.Copy !req
526. YOU DON'T USE YOUR HANDS.
THAT'S THE BASIC RULE.Copy !req
527. I KNOW THAT,
I KNOW THAT.Copy !req
528. ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT ARE YOU
TELLING ME, BRENDON?Copy !req
529. I NEED SOMEONE BIG AND STRONG
TO PLAY THE LEAD ROLE AND...Copy !req
530. LEAD ROLE?Copy !req
531. YOU'RE THINKING OF ME
FOR THE LEAD?Copy !req
532. UH, UH, WELL, YEAH.Copy !req
533. I'LL DO IT, BUT ON ONE
CONDITION.Copy !req
534. OKAY, WHATEV... ANYTHING.Copy !req
535. I, UM, I DIDN'T HEAR
WHAT YOU SAID.Copy !req
536. I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING
TO SAY.Copy !req
537. HMM.Copy !req
538. DAVID, I'LL CUT THEM OFF!Copy !req
539. OUCH!Copy !req
540. SAVE THIS FOR THE...Copy !req
541. THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE
WITH NO HANDS.Copy !req
542. COACH, UH...Copy !req
543. BLOODY STUMPS IS ALL
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE.Copy !req
544. SOME OF THE PARENTS ARE HERE
TO PICK UP THE KIDS AND, UH...Copy !req
545. I WAS JUST KIDDING,
USE YOUR HANDS.Copy !req
546. IT'S FUN, THIS IS FOR FUN.Copy !req
547. THANK YOU, BRENDON.Copy !req
548. YEAH.Copy !req
549. OKAY, UH, LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.Copy !req
550. JASON, I NEED YOU
TO BE A LITTLE...Copy !req
551. A LITTLE BIT MORE MENACING.Copy !req
552. JUST TRY YOUR LINE AGAIN,
PLEASE?Copy !req
553. OKAY.Copy !req
554. UM, I'M GOING TO SHOOT YOU.Copy !req
555. OK, UH, DO YOU KNOW ANY GERMAN
WORDS OR PHRASES OR...?Copy !req
556. OH ALR...Copy !req
557. ICH BIN...Copy !req
558. ICH BIN EIN BERLINER.Copy !req
559. THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.Copy !req
560. YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE SHOULD
JUST TRY SOME MORE MAKEUP.Copy !req
561. UM, ASK NOT WHAT YOUR, UM,
COUNTRY CAN DO...Copy !req
562. THAT'S NOT SO MUCH GERMAN,
JASON.Copy !req
563. ASK WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR
YOUR COUNTRY IN GERMANY—...Copy !req
564. IN GERMAN.Copy !req
565. ALL RIGHT, WELL, UM...Copy !req
566. NO, I'M ALL RIGHT,
IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.Copy !req
567. I CAN CARRY YOU.Copy !req
568. YOU'RE JUST SLIPPING
THROUGH MY FINGERS HERE.Copy !req
569. WELL, I'M A LITTLE SORE, BUT...Copy !req
570. YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE
A DECEPTIVE BODY.Copy !req
571. THANK YOU.Copy !req
572. I MEAN, YEAH.Copy !req
573. I'M GETTING THE WRONG SIGNALS
FROM THE CLOTHES.Copy !req
574. UNDERNEATH, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON.Copy !req
575. YOU'RE LIGHTER THAN YOU LOOK.Copy !req
576. YOU'RE VERY LIGHT.Copy !req
577. I'M... I'M SVELTE.Copy !req
578. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?Copy !req
579. SVELTE?Copy !req
580. MM—HMM.Copy !req
581. YOU KNOW, THAT I LOOK GOOD
IN A SWEATER, SWEATER VEST.Copy !req
582. HEY, HOW DID I DO, BY THE WAY?Copy !req
583. EVER READ A BOOK CALLED
AN ACTOR PREPARES?Copy !req
584. YOU KNOW, I'VE ONLY READ ONE
BOOK IN THE LAST SEVEN YEARSCopy !req
585. AND THAT WAS NOT IT.Copy !req
586. BECAUSE THERE
ARE SPECIAL TECHNIQUESCopy !req
587. THAT WILL HELP YOU
GET INTO CHARACTER.Copy !req
588. DO YOU DO BREATHING EXERCISES?Copy !req
589. I KNOW HOW TO BREATHE.Copy !req
590. IT COMES AUTOMATICALLY.Copy !req
591. TRY THIS—— TRY TO BREATHE
THROUGH YOUR NOSE LIKE THIS.Copy !req
592. BREATHE THROUGH MY NOSE.Copy !req
593. I'VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE.Copy !req
594. COVER YOUR MOUTH.Copy !req
595. I MEAN, UH, OKAY,
EVERYBODY READY?Copy !req
596. YEAH.Copy !req
597. McGUIRK? YOU GUYS READY?Copy !req
598. UH... YEAH.Copy !req
599. ALL RIGHT, AND... ACTION.Copy !req
600. OKAY, WAIT—...Copy !req
601. ONE MORE QUESTION, BRENDON...Copy !req
602. CUT, CUT, CUT... YEAH?Copy !req
603. WHAT IS MY MOTIVATION
IN THIS SCENE?Copy !req
604. YEAH, YOU'RE WOUNDED.
YOU JUST WANT TO...Copy !req
605. I'M GOING TO BREATHE THROUGH
MY NOSE DURING THIS SCENE.Copy !req
606. IS THAT ALL RIGHT WITH YOU?Copy !req
607. YEAH, WHATEVER MAKES
YOU COMFORTABLE, MAN.Copy !req
608. THAT SOUNDS GREAT.Copy !req
609. OKAY, CUT.Copy !req
610. I MEAN, ACTION, ACTION.Copy !req
611. COME, UH... COME BACK HERE...
GERMAN, GERMAN.Copy !req
612. I'LL SAVE YOU, SOLDIER.Copy !req
613. HEY, THAT'S SOME DEEP BREATHING.Copy !req
614. DON'T WORRY.Copy !req
615. HEY, WHO'S WORRYING?Copy !req
616. YOU'RE NED.Copy !req
617. BETTER NED THAN DEAD.Copy !req
618. RIGHT.Copy !req
619. BUT BETTER STILL, NEVER NED.Copy !req
620. WAIT A MINUTE, HOLD UP.Copy !req
621. WHAT'S THIS GUY DOING HERE?Copy !req
622. OKAY, YOU KNOW, CUT.Copy !req
623. THAT WAS ALL VERY FUNNYCopy !req
624. AND A LITTLE TOO MUCH
NOSE BREATHING, McGUIRK.Copy !req
625. UM... ERIC, CAN I TALK
TO YOU FOR A SECOND?Copy !req
626. OKAY, YOU'RE GOING TO WANT
TO STICK TO THE SCRIPT.Copy !req
627. OKAY.Copy !req
628. THAT'S FUNNY, THAT'S CUTE...Copy !req
629. OKAY, BUT I'LL DO THE LINES
AS WRITTEN.Copy !req
630. OKAY, I'M GOING TO START
YOU GUYS OFF AGAIN.Copy !req
631. SO YOU WANT ME TO PULL BACK
ON THE NOSE BREATHING.Copy !req
632. RIGHT—— READY AND, UH, ACTION.Copy !req
633. BRENDON, I FORGOT MY LINE.Copy !req
634. HE HAS TO SAY, "COME BACK HERE."Copy !req
635. ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
636. COME BACK HERE.Copy !req
637. THAT'S GREAT.Copy !req
638. I'LL SAVE YOU, SOLDIER, DON'T
WORRY.Copy !req
639. HEY, WHO'S WORRIED?Copy !req
640. YOU'RE NED—...Copy !req
641. ONE OF THE BEST SOLDIERS AROUND.Copy !req
642. THANK YOU, NED,
FOR SAVING MY LIFE.Copy !req
643. YOU'RE WELCOME, SOLDIER.Copy !req
644. OKAY, CUT—— GREAT, PERFECT.Copy !req
645. THAT WAS GREAT, GUYS.Copy !req
646. THANK YOU, NED,
FOR SAVING MY LIFE.Copy !req
647. YEAH, YOU KNOW, ERIC,Copy !req
648. UH, WE CUT.Copy !req
649. WE STOPPED ROLLING.Copy !req
650. YOU GUYS DID FANTASTIC.Copy !req
651. ALL RIGHT, BRENDON,
CAN WE DO MY THING NOW?Copy !req
652. YEAH, YOU KNOW, THAT'S FINE.Copy !req
653. I'LL JUST CHANGE RIGHT HERE.Copy !req
654. YEAH, OKAY.Copy !req
655. IT'S NOT MY NEIGHBORHOOD.Copy !req
656. WHY, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST TELL THEM ABOUT YOURSELF.Copy !req
657. JUST, YOU KNOW, GO CRAZY.Copy !req
658. JUST SAY ANYTHING?Copy !req
659. YEAH, JUST START TALKING,
YOU KNOW.Copy !req
660. OKAY, ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
661. HEY, UH...Copy !req
662. HEY, LADIES, UH,
MY NAME IS JOHN McGUIRK.Copy !req
663. I, UH, AM A
PROFESSIONAL SOCCER COACHCopy !req
664. AT THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL LEVEL
AND I OWN A NICE CARCopy !req
665. THOUGH I DO NOT CURRENTLY HAVE
LEGAL ACCESS TO IT.Copy !req
666. UM, AS YOU CAN SEE,Copy !req
667. I USED TO BE IN GOOD SHAPE AND,
UH, IN THE LAST TWO YEARSCopy !req
668. I'VE SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED FOUR
OUT OF FIVE REHAB PROGRAMS.Copy !req
669. THE KIND OF WOMAN I'M INTERESTED
IN IS THE ONE, I GUESS,Copy !req
670. WHO'S STILL WATCHING THIS VIDEO.Copy !req
671. CUT—— I'M GOING
TO STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.Copy !req
672. WHAT? THAT WAS, UH,
THAT WAS NOT GOOD OR...Copy !req
673. WE GOT IT——
WE GOT THIS.Copy !req
674. I THINK YOU NAILED IT.Copy !req
675. FEED ME.Copy !req
676. CHANGE ME.Copy !req
677. THIS IS MY PROUDEST MOMENT—...Copy !req
678. THE BIRTH OF MY GRANDDAUGHTER,
MELISSA.Copy !req
679. SO, UH, WHAT DID YOU THINK,
MELISSA?Copy !req
680. I THINK YOU JUST DON'T GET IT,
DO YOU, BRENDON?Copy !req
681. I MEAN...Copy !req
682. WHOA, WHAT?Copy !req
683. I'M JUST KIDDING.Copy !req
684. I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY GOOD.Copy !req
685. I REALLY LIKED IT, BRENDON.Copy !req
686. THANKS.Copy !req
687. DAD?Copy !req
688. THAT WAS THE BIGGEST PIECE OF...Copy !req
689. DAD?Copy !req
690. UM, HOW LONG WAS I ASLEEP?Copy !req
691. AH, THANK GOD—...Copy !req
692. WOW.Copy !req
693. DAD.Copy !req
694. WHOA! I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN HIT
BY A TRUCK.Copy !req
695. DAD?Copy !req
696. IS SOMEONE BURNING TOAST?Copy !req
697. WHO KEEPS TOUCHING ME?
I CAN'T...Copy !req
698. DAD? I GOT TO HIT THE ROAD HERE.Copy !req
699. THIS IS NOT...Copy !req
700. DAD, WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.Copy !req
701. WHO'S KILLING THIS PARTY?
EVERYONE'S LEAVING.Copy !req
702. GET OVER HERE!
I'M NOT FIN...Copy !req
703. HI—— HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO WAKE
UP NEXT TO THIS?Copy !req
704. OKAY, CUT.Copy !req
705. NO, MY IDEAL WOMAN IS A WOMAN
WHO CARES ABOUT THE WORLD,Copy !req
706. PLUS 15%.Copy !req
707. I'D LIKE A, YOU KNOW, TALL
WOMAN, ABOUT MY HEIGHT.Copy !req
708. MY IDEAL WOMAN IS MY MOTHER,
ACTUALLY, WHO I HATE.Copy !req
709. I NEED A NICE YOUNG WOMAN
TO CUT MY TOENAILS.Copy !req
710. I'M LOOKING FOR A WOMAN WHO WILL
ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AMCopy !req
711. AND NOT FOR MY MONEY,
ALTHOUGH I'LL...Copy !req
712. I'LL GIVE YOU $50.Copy !req