1. BRENDON, THE POLICEMAN SAID
THAT YOU WERE RIDINGCopy !req
2. ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD.Copy !req
3. SO, UNFORTUNATELY
YOU MIGHT BE AT FAULT.Copy !req
4. FAULT?
FAULT, SCHMAULT.Copy !req
5. THEY CAN'T PROVE CRAP.Copy !req
6. SHOULD'VE FLED THE SCENE——
NEXT TIME...Copy !req
7. NEXT TIME?
NO NEXT TIME, BRENDON.Copy !req
8. YOU COULD'VE REALLY GOTTEN HURT.Copy !req
9. I KNOW.Copy !req
10. WAIT A MINUTE——WHERE'S MY BIKE?
WHAT HAPPENED...?Copy !req
11. WE NEED TO TURN AROUND.Copy !req
12. BRENDON, YOUR BIKE IS TOTALED.Copy !req
13. ACTUALLY, IT'S...
IT'S IN MY POCKET.Copy !req
14. HERE IT IS, I'M SORRY.Copy !req
15. GREAT—— I MOWED LAWNS FOR A YEAR
TO GET THAT BIKE.Copy !req
16. I BOUGHT YOU THAT BIKE
FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY.Copy !req
17. YOU'VE NEVER MOWED A LAWN
IN YOUR LIFE.Copy !req
18. THAT'S NOT THE POINT.Copy !req
19. LOOK, I HAVE A CONCUSSION, OKAY?Copy !req
20. AND I'M NOT EVEN SURE
WHO YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.Copy !req
21. 'KAY?
MOM?Copy !req
22. UH—HUH.Copy !req
23. HEY, THERE'S ANOTHER LADY
IN THE CAR.Copy !req
24. WHAT'S THIS...?
WHAT'S...?Copy !req
25. WHO...?Copy !req
26. HELLO.Copy !req
27. HI, LITTLE BRENDON,
HOW'S YOUR BOO—BOO?Copy !req
28. HI, HI, YOU.Copy !req
29. HI.Copy !req
30. HI—— UH, WHO'S THIS?Copy !req
31. THIS IS STEPHANIE.Copy !req
32. I TOLD YOU THAT STEPHANIE
WAS GOING TO COME...Copy !req
33. HELLO.Copy !req
34. I WAS PICKING HER UP
FROM THE AIRPORT.Copy !req
35. REMEMBER, I TOLD YOU ABOUT
STEPHANIE, SHE'S...Copy !req
36. I'M JUST PASSING THROUGH.Copy !req
37. JUST PASSING THROUGH.Copy !req
38. WE KNEW EACH OTHER IN COLLEGE.Copy !req
39. SORORITY SISTERS——PHI DELTS.Copy !req
40. ACTUALLY, UM, I WASN'T IN THE
SORORITY—— THAT WAS ISABELLA.Copy !req
41. NO, NO, NO——
WE PLEDGED TOGETHER.Copy !req
42. YOU WERE THERE.Copy !req
43. ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW, UM, WE MET
THROUGH ISABELLA, REMEMBER?Copy !req
44. OH, ISABELLA—— I LOVE HER
SO MUCH, SHE IS THE BEST.Copy !req
45. YEAH, SHE SOUNDS GREAT.Copy !req
46. WHICH ONE OF YOU
IS MY MOM AGAIN?Copy !req
47. BLESS YOU——I KNOW HER.
SHE'S MY BROTHER.Copy !req
48. GOD, I THINK JOSIE'S
COMING DOWN WITH SOMETHING.Copy !req
49. I'M PROBABLY GOING TO HAVE TO
TAKE HER TO THE DOCTOR, TOO...Copy !req
50. YOU KNOW, I TALKED TO ISABELLA
A MONTH AGO.Copy !req
51. SHE'S STILL IN ENGLAND
WITH JACOB—— SHE SOUNDED GREAT.Copy !req
52. I SHOULD CALL HER, ACTUALLY.Copy !req
53. YOU SHOULD CALL HER.Copy !req
54. REMEMBER HOW WE USEDCopy !req
55. TO SPEAK IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENTS
SO WE'D FOOL GUYS AT BARS?Copy !req
56. HELLO, I'M FROM AUSTRALIA.Copy !req
57. LAND HO, GUV'NUH.Copy !req
58. I DON'T THINK I WAS THERE
WHEN YOU DID THAT.Copy !req
59. I'M CONFUSED——
ARE WE DROPPING HER OFF?Copy !req
60. DUE TO MY UNFORESEEN INJURY,
I REGRET TO ANNOUNCECopy !req
61. A SLIGHT SETBACK IN OUR CURRENT
PRODUCTION THE, UH,Copy !req
62. SLAPSTICK BARBARIAN PROJECT.Copy !req
63. WELL, CAN'T WE, UM, RECAST YOU?Copy !req
64. YEAH, WE CAN JUST GRAB ANYBODY
OFF THE STREET.Copy !req
65. HEY, IF I THOUGHT
THERE WAS ANOTHER ACTORCopy !req
66. OUT THERE CAPABLE OF DOING
WHAT I DO THEN, YOU KNOW,Copy !req
67. IN A HEARTBEAT I WOULD...Copy !req
68. BUT... BUT THAT'S NOT
GOING TO HAPPENCopy !req
69. AND WE'RE ALREADY
HALFWAY FINISHED.Copy !req
70. IT... IS THE TAPE IN THERE?Copy !req
71. YEAH.Copy !req
72. HERE, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THIS
AND SEE WHAT WE HAVE SO FAR.Copy !req
73. SO, UH, WE GOT SOME WORK TO DO.Copy !req
74. WHAT IF WE WROTE
FUNNIER DIALOGUECopy !req
75. AND DIDN'T RELY SO MUCH
ON THE VIOLENCE?Copy !req
76. YEAH.Copy !req
77. NO, RIGHT—— NO, NO, NO, NO,
I... I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.Copy !req
78. JOKES—— JOKES.Copy !req
79. YEAH, WE'LL WRITE SOME JOKES.Copy !req
80. YOU GUYS, UH, GET...
GET THE PENS OUT.Copy !req
81. OKAY.Copy !req
82. LET'S, UM, GET COOKING.Copy !req
83. LET'S GET THIS THING,
UH, MOVING.Copy !req
84. BRENDON, HOW ABOUT YOU ASK
JASON WHAT TIME IT IS?Copy !req
85. UH, OKAY, UH, WHAT TIME IS IT?Copy !req
86. UH, 7:00—ISH.Copy !req
87. IS THAT IT?Copy !req
88. I WAS HOPING THAT
WOULD GET YOU GUYS STARTED.Copy !req
89. LET'S DO THIS, OKAY?Copy !req
90. I'M A BARBARIAN,
SO ARE YOU, JASON...Copy !req
91. OH, I HAVE A GOOD, UM, JOKE.Copy !req
92. OH, YEAH?
OKAY, LET'S HEAR IT.Copy !req
93. IF WE'RE BOTH BARBARIANS, RIGHT?Copy !req
94. RIGHT, SURE.Copy !req
95. THEN I WOULD COME UP TO YOU
AND SAY "UM, EXCUSE ME,Copy !req
96. CAN I 'AX' YOU A QUESTION?"Copy !req
97. THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.Copy !req
98. BECAUSE, YOU KNOW...
IT'S KIND OF A PLAY ON WORDS.Copy !req
99. WE BOTH HAVE BATTLE AXES.Copy !req
100. YEAH... RIGHT, I GOT IT, YEAH.Copy !req
101. AND THEN YOU'RE, LIKE,Copy !req
102. "WHAT KIND OF QUESTION
WOULD YOU 'AX' ME?"Copy !req
103. RIGHT.Copy !req
104. AND I WOULD, LIKE "WELL, I HAVE
A LOT OF QUESTIONS TO 'AX' YOU"Copy !req
105. AND THEN YOU WOULD SAY, LIKE,
"WELL, 'AX' AWAY,"Copy !req
106. AND THEN I WOULD SAY, LIKE...Copy !req
107. WE GET IT.Copy !req
108. "WHICH SHOULD I 'AX' FIRST?"Copy !req
109. WE GET IT—— I'M GOING TO...Copy !req
110. AND, BRENDON, YOU WOULD SAY,Copy !req
111. "I DON'T KNOW.
"JUST PICK ONE TO 'AX'..."Copy !req
112. YOU GUYS, I'M GOING TO...Copy !req
113. "RIGHT NOW,"
AND THEN I WOULD SAY...Copy !req
114. IT'S BASICALLY... YOU'RE PLAYING
ON THE WORD "AX," I THINK.Copy !req
115. YES, BUT FOR A LONG TIME.Copy !req
116. BUT YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE AXES,
YOU HAVE CLUBS.Copy !req
117. YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW
THIS IS LIKE...Copy !req
118. NO, BARBAR... OH.Copy !req
119. YEAH.Copy !req
120. SO MAYBE SOMETHING ABOUTCopy !req
121. "HEY, YOU WANT TO GO
TO THAT NEW CLUB?"Copy !req
122. RIGHT.Copy !req
123. I DON'T LIKE THAT ONE.Copy !req
124. MMM.Copy !req
125. I'M VERY SPIRITUAL NOW.Copy !req
126. UM, I GUESS I BELIEVE
THAT EVERYTHINGCopy !req
127. HAPPENS FOR A REASON, YOU KNOW?Copy !req
128. RIGHT, YEAH.Copy !req
129. MM—HMM, AND IT'S KARMA, TOO.Copy !req
130. BUT I... I HAVE
THESE NEW CHINESE FRIENDS NOWCopy !req
131. AND THEY ARE GREAT.Copy !req
132. AND, UM, THEY'VE TAUGHT ME SO
MUCH... SO MUCH, UM, CHINESE.Copy !req
133. WELL, YEAH, YOU SOUND BUSY,
YOU SOUND...Copy !req
134. OH, I AM——ARE YOU KIDDING?
I AM.Copy !req
135. HEY, HOW'S YOUR HUSBAND?Copy !req
136. RICHARD?Copy !req
137. HE'S FANTASTIC. FANTASTIC GUY.Copy !req
138. BUSY AS A BEE—— BIZ, BUZZ, BUZZ.Copy !req
139. YOU KNOW, HE'S DOING...Copy !req
140. HE'S DOING EVERY... EVERY...
EVERYTHING.Copy !req
141. HOW ABOUT YOU?
ANY MEN?Copy !req
142. OH NO, NOT NOW——NOPE, UH—UH.Copy !req
143. GOD, I HAVEN'T SEEN RICHARD
SINCE YOUR WEDDING.Copy !req
144. WOW, THAT WAS LIKE, UM,
FIVE YEARS AGO.Copy !req
145. YUP, FIVE YEARS, YUP, YUP, YUP.Copy !req
146. OH, MY GOD!Copy !req
147. WE SHOULD TOTALLY
GO OUT DANCING!Copy !req
148. YOU AND ME, COME ON——
THE SORORITY SISTERS, THE GIRLS.Copy !req
149. I DON'T KNOW—— BRENDON'S IN BAD
SHAPE, JOSIE'S GOT A COLD...Copy !req
150. OH, COME ON—...Copy !req
151. IT'LL BE LIKE OLD TIMES.Copy !req
152. YEAH, UH, I DON'T THINK SO.Copy !req
153. HEY, HOW OFTEN DO YOU SEE ME?Copy !req
154. NEVER, REALLY.Copy !req
155. THAT'S RIGHT, SO YOU'RE COMING.Copy !req
156. YOU'RE COMING, WE'RE GOING——
LET'S GO.Copy !req
157. NO—— YOU KNOW WHAT, STEPHANIE?Copy !req
158. I'M REALLY SORRY, NO.Copy !req
159. OH, COME ON.Copy !req
160. I DON'T THINK SO.Copy !req
161. WELL, WELL, THAT'S OKAY.
YOU KNOW, UM...Copy !req
162. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?Copy !req
163. I... I THINK I'M GOING TO GO.Copy !req
164. YEAH, I'M GOING TO GO OUT
DANCING BECAUSE I WANT TO.Copy !req
165. AND YOU SHOULD JUST HAVE...
YOU SHOULD GO.Copy !req
166. WELL, I WILL, AND I'LL BE BACK.
AND NOT TOO LATE.Copy !req
167. OKAY, DON'T DANCE TOO MUCH.Copy !req
168. HEY, I WON'T, DON'T WORRY.Copy !req
169. THANKS, MATE.
HAVE FUN.Copy !req
170. WHAT IF, UM, BRENDON,
YOU, UM... YOU'RE A BARBARIAN...Copy !req
171. UH—HUH, I LIKE IT.Copy !req
172. AND I'M A BARBARIAN...Copy !req
173. RIGHT, YEAH.Copy !req
174. THEN I COME UP TO YOU AND SAY,
"ACH, YOU ARE ACTING BARBARIC"Copy !req
175. AND THEN YOU SAY,
"BECAUSE I'M A BARBARIAN."Copy !req
176. ALL RIGHT, SHOULD WE TRY THAT?Copy !req
177. AND THEN I SAY, LIKE,Copy !req
178. "WELL, THAT STILL IS NO EXCUSE
FOR YOU BEING SO BARBARIC."Copy !req
179. AND THEN YOU SAY "I CAN'T HELP
IT BECAUSE I'M A BARBARIAN."Copy !req
180. JASON, I THINK YOU GOT TO LEARN
WHEN TO STOPCopy !req
181. BECAUSE YOU'RE STARTING OUT
STRONG BUT THENCopy !req
182. THE MORE YOU DO IT,
IT'S NOT AS FUNNY ANYMORE.Copy !req
183. IT COMES AROUND.Copy !req
184. RIGHT.Copy !req
185. MELISSA IS NOT
REALLY ADDING ANYTHINGCopy !req
186. SO WHY ARE YOU BEING SO,
UM, CRITICAL?Copy !req
187. THAT'S PART OF WHAT...
I'M TRYING TO HELP.Copy !req
188. OKAY, WELL, UM...
I THINK WE'RE HAVING...Copy !req
189. I THINK WE'RE...Copy !req
190. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?Copy !req
191. WE'VE GOT A LOT...Copy !req
192. WHO'S WRITING THIS DOWN?Copy !req
193. I AM.Copy !req
194. SO READ THAT LAST THING BACK
TO ME AND REALLY SELL IT BIG.Copy !req
195. OKAY, JASON COMES INCopy !req
196. AND HE SAYS, "YOU'RE ACTING
LIKE A BARBARIAN."Copy !req
197. "ACTING LIKE A BARBARIAN."Copy !req
198. AND THEN I STOPPED WRITING...Copy !req
199. THAT WAS NOT EVEN NEARLY...Copy !req
200. BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE I THINK
THE JOKE IS.Copy !req
201. NO, MELISSA, THE SCENE WENT ON
FOR ANOTHER THREE MINUTES.Copy !req
202. NO, BECAUSE THE...Copy !req
203. I KNOW, BUT THE...
IRONY OF YOU SAYING TO HIM...Copy !req
204. BRENDON, SHE'S, UM...Copy !req
205. OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?Copy !req
206. BECAUSE I THINK THE IRONY
OF IT IS FUNNY.Copy !req
207. I THINK I KNOW A FEW THI...Copy !req
208. I DON'T WANT MY SCENES EDITED
BY YOU, MELISSA.Copy !req
209. OKAY, WELL, UM,
THIS IS TOUGH AND, UH,Copy !req
210. I THINK I HATE DOING THIS.Copy !req
211. I'M GOING TO FIND OUT
WHERE SHE KEEPS THE LIQUOR.Copy !req
212. OH, YEAH!Copy !req
213. HEY, HEY, DO THAT
AUSTRALIAN THING AGAIN.Copy !req
214. YOU KNOW THAT...Copy !req
215. GOOD DAY, MARSUPIAL DINGO...Copy !req
216. MATE.Copy !req
217. KEEP GOING.Copy !req
218. HI. UH, I DON'T MEAN
TO BE RUDE, BUT, UM...Copy !req
219. HEY, MISSY.Copy !req
220. HELLO, MISTER...Copy !req
221. YEAH, OKAY, THE NOISE
WOKE UP THE BABY.Copy !req
222. OH, OH, OH, I'M SO SORRY.
THIS IS PAULA.Copy !req
223. HEY, PAULA.Copy !req
224. OKAY.Copy !req
225. PAULA.Copy !req
226. YEAH, I HATE TO DO THIS
BUT IT IS 1:30 IN THE MORNING.Copy !req
227. COULD YOU CALL IT A NIGHT?Copy !req
228. OH, SURE, SURE—...Copy !req
229. OH, I'M SO SORRY.Copy !req
230. WHO THE HELL IS THAT?Copy !req
231. OH, LITTLE B.
OH, WE WOKE YOU UP, I'M SORRY.Copy !req
232. UM, ACTUALLY, THE SMELL OF CHEAP
COLOGNE AND WHISKEY WOKE ME UP.Copy !req
233. I JUST CAME DOWN TO SEE WHOSE...Copy !req
234. WELL, OKAY, GREAT, THEN.Copy !req
235. THE NIGHT'S OVER,
EVERYBODY GO TO BED.Copy !req
236. AM I THAT LOUD WHEN I SLEEP?Copy !req
237. YOU KNOW, BRENDON,
LEARN A LESSON FROM TONIGHT.Copy !req
238. IF YOU'RE EVER A HOUSEGUEST,
DON'T BRING STRANGE MEN OVER.Copy !req
239. I CAN'T MAKE ANY PROMISES.Copy !req
240. WELL, AT LEAST NOT TRUMPETEERS.Copy !req
241. YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY, I REMEMBER
HER BEING A LITTLE LESS...Copy !req
242. GREGARIOUS.Copy !req
243. WHAT, YOU MEAN, LIKE,
IN THE HIPS?Copy !req
244. DO YOU NEED SOME HELP
PUTTING THOSE AWAY?Copy !req
245. OH, SURE, THANKS—— SURE.Copy !req
246. OW, OH, I'M SLEEPY.Copy !req
247. OH, YEAH?Copy !req
248. I'LL BE FINE.Copy !req
249. YOU KNOW I...
I WAS HOPING TO TALK TO YOUCopy !req
250. ABOUT THAT GUY
YOU BROUGHT HOME LAST NIGHT.Copy !req
251. OH, SURE—— WHAT?Copy !req
252. I... I'M NOT SURE IF I...Copy !req
253. OKAY, HERE'S THE THING,
STEPHANIE.Copy !req
254. I DON'T REALLY LIKE
EXPOSING MY KIDSCopy !req
255. TO STRANGE DRUNK MEN
INSIDE HERE.Copy !req
256. OH, LET ME APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.Copy !req
257. I THINK I HAD A FEW TOO MANY
YOU—KNOW—WHATS.Copy !req
258. DRINKS—— YEAH, YOU GUYS
WERE LOADED.Copy !req
259. YEAH, I GUESS I GOT
A LITTLE SILLY.Copy !req
260. BUT NO MORE DRUNK MEN——
I APOLOGIZE.Copy !req
261. DO WHAT YOU WANT AT HOME.Copy !req
262. I KNOW, I KNOW—— OKAY, OKAY.Copy !req
263. OH, UH, I GUESS
I REALLY MESSED UP, HUH?Copy !req
264. WELL, IT JUST, IT KIND OF
PUTS ME IN A WEIRD PLACE AND...Copy !req
265. IT PUTS YOU IN A WEIRD PLACE?Copy !req
266. I KEPT THINKING,
WHAT IF YOUR HUSBAND CALLEDCopy !req
267. LOOKING FOR YOU
WHILE THAT GUY WAS HERE?Copy !req
268. WHOA, OKAY, PAULA,
YOU'RE ABOUT TO CROSS A LINE.Copy !req
269. I'M NOT JUDGING YOU.Copy !req
270. MM—HMM—— HEY, JUST,
PLEASE, OKAY?Copy !req
271. HOLD ON TO THAT THOUGHT, THERE.Copy !req
272. UH, HI, SIR, CAN I HELP YOU?Copy !req
273. YEAH, I'VE GOT
A SUMMONS HERECopy !req
274. FOR A BRENDON SMALL
TO APPEAR IN JUVENILE COURT.Copy !req
275. WHY?Copy !req
276. RACKETEERING.Copy !req
277. WHAT?Copy !req
278. OH, WAIT, LET'S SEE HERE.Copy !req
279. APPARENTLY, HE BROKE
THE LAW BY RIDINGCopy !req
280. ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD
AND CAUSED AN ACCIDENT.Copy !req
281. HE HAS TO GO TO COURT FOR THAT?Copy !req
282. HEY, DID I STUTTER?Copy !req
283. NO, BUT IT SOUNDED LIKE YOU
LISPED A FEW TIMES.Copy !req
284. DON'T MAKE ME "ARRETHT" YOU.Copy !req
285. BRENDON, WAKE UP.Copy !req
286. I AM AWAKE.Copy !req
287. THIS IS HOW I EAT.Copy !req
288. I'VE GOT TO TAKE YOUR SISTER
TO THE DOCTOR TODAYCopy !req
289. AND I CAN'T TAKE YOU
TO YOUR COURT DATE.Copy !req
290. GOOD, I DON'T WANT TO GO ANYWAY.Copy !req
291. NO, YOU HAVE TO GO, BECAUSE
THEY'LL THROW YOU IN JAILCopy !req
292. PLUS IT'LL MAKE ME LOOK BAD.Copy !req
293. HEY, LET THEM THROW ME IN JAIL.Copy !req
294. I'VE SEEN ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ,
AND THE ROCKCopy !req
295. AND THAT ATTICA DOCUMENTARY,
AND STRIPES...Copy !req
296. NO, BRENDON.Copy !req
297. AND GOODFELLAS...Copy !req
298. I'LL FIND YOU A RIDE.Copy !req
299. YOU KNOW WHAT, I CAN'T BELIEVE
I HAVE TO DEFEND MYSELF IN COURTCopy !req
300. FOR ALMOST GETTING KILLED.Copy !req
301. I LEARNED MY STUPID LESSON.Copy !req
302. DON'T THESE PEOPLE
HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DOCopy !req
303. THAN REPRIMAND CHILDREN?Copy !req
304. I MEAN, WE'RE EASY TARGETS.Copy !req
305. YOU'RE GOING TO GO,
AND I'M GOING TO FIND YOU A RIDECopy !req
306. BECAUSE YOU CAN'T AFFORD
ANY MORE TROUBLE, BRENDON.Copy !req
307. UM, I CAN TAKE HIM.Copy !req
308. OH, NO.Copy !req
309. REALLY?Copy !req
310. SURE.Copy !req
311. WHEN DO YOU NEED ME TO DO IT?Copy !req
312. RIGHT AFTER SOCCER PRACTICE,
RIGHT?Copy !req
313. YEAH.Copy !req
314. THANKS, STEPHANIE.Copy !req
315. NO PROBLEM, REALLY.Copy !req
316. I MEAN, I'D...
I'D LOVE TO HELP OUT, OKAY?Copy !req
317. AS LONG AS I'M HERE, RIGHT?Copy !req
318. RIGHT, WELL, THANK YOU.Copy !req
319. YEAH, WHOOPIDY—DOO, STEPH.
THANKS A BUNCH.Copy !req
320. BRENDON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?Copy !req
321. SOCCER PRACTICE IS OVER——
GET OUT OF HERE.Copy !req
322. I'M WAITING TO BE PICKED UP,
AND THEY'RE LATE.Copy !req
323. RIGHT—— WHAT'S REALLY
GOING ON HERE, BRENDON?Copy !req
324. YOU THINKING ABOUT
RUNNING AWAY OR SOMETHING?Copy !req
325. NO, I'M NOT GOING TO RUN AWAY.Copy !req
326. YOU SHOULD——IT BUILDS CHARACTER.Copy !req
327. IS THAT A FACT?Copy !req
328. YEAH... I DID IT.Copy !req
329. RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME IS GREAT.Copy !req
330. WELL, THE FIRST TIME I RAN AWAY,
BRENDON, I WAS EIGHT,Copy !req
331. AND I WANTED TO GO
WORK ON AN OIL RIG.Copy !req
332. THAT WAS MY DREAM.Copy !req
333. RIGHT.Copy !req
334. SO I POINTED MYSELF
IN THE DIRECTION OF ALASKACopy !req
335. AND STARTED RUNNING.Copy !req
336. HOW FAR DID YOU GET?Copy !req
337. I GOT TO THE PIZZA PLACE.Copy !req
338. RIGHT.Copy !req
339. BUT I GOT A JOB THERE.Copy !req
340. THAT'S NOT BAD.Copy !req
341. YEAH, AND UH...
THEY PRETTY MUCH RAISED ME—...Copy !req
342. THE GREEK GUY WHO OWNED IT.Copy !req
343. IS THAT TRUE?Copy !req
344. I CAME HOME ABOUT
LIKE 51/2 YEARS LATERCopy !req
345. WITH MY NEW GREEK DAD
AND MY GREEK MOMCopy !req
346. AND MY GREEK BROTHERS
AND SISTERS AND SAIDCopy !req
347. "THIS IS MY NEW FAMILY"
AND INTRODUCED THEM
TO MY OLD FAMILY.Copy !req
348. HOW'D THE FOLKS TAKE IT?Copy !req
349. WE HAD A PARTY.Copy !req
350. YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD STORY.Copy !req
351. ALL RIGHT.
ANYWAY, WHAT WAS I SAYING?Copy !req
352. OH, YEAH, GET OUT OF HERE.Copy !req
353. WHERE IS SHE?Copy !req
354. LOOK, RICHARD,
WE HAVE BEEN GOING OVER THISCopy !req
355. IT IS MY COUCH.Copy !req
356. NO, IT'S NOT.Copy !req
357. RICHARD, I BOUGHT IT.Copy !req
358. NO, I BOUGHT IT.Copy !req
359. BUT I PICKED IT OUT, RICHARD.Copy !req
360. NO, I PICKED OUT THE COUCH.Copy !req
361. I PICKED OUT THE RED COUCH.Copy !req
362. STEPHANIE, YOU DIDN'T HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS COUCH.Copy !req
363. OKAY, BUT IT WAS MY IDEA
TO GO SHOPPING.Copy !req
364. IT WAS YOUR IDEA TO GO SHOPPING,
BUT...Copy !req
365. EXACTLY, THANK YOU.Copy !req
366. STEPHANIE, YOU'RE NOT GETTING
ANY OF THE COUCH,Copy !req
367. SO GET USED TO NOT HAVING
THAT COUCH!Copy !req
368. I AM GETTING HALF THAT COUCH!Copy !req
369. I SHOULD'VE HAD YOU SIGN
A PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT.Copy !req
370. I SHOULD'VE HAD YOU SIGN
A PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT!Copy !req
371. YOU'RE TOO EMOTIONAL——
I CAN'T LISTEN TO YOU.Copy !req
372. I HAVE EVERY RIGHT
TO BE EMOTIONAL.Copy !req
373. YOU HAVE MADE ME THIS WAY.Copy !req
374. OH, EVERYTHING'S MY FAULT.Copy !req
375. THAT'S RIGHT.Copy !req
376. I'M SITTING ON IT NOW.Copy !req
377. IT'S MY COUCH.Copy !req
378. I'M LAYING ON IT!Copy !req
379. RICHARD!Copy !req
380. YEAH, IT'S A GOOD COUCH.Copy !req
381. I'VE GOT MY SHOES ON THE COUCH—-
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?Copy !req
382. THEY'RE THERE, AND YOU'RE GONE.Copy !req
383. THAT'S FOR YOUR COUCH...
AND YOUR STUPID CARCopy !req
384. AND YOUR GOLF CLUBS
AND YOUR FACIAL STEAMER,Copy !req
385. AND YOUR... YOUR...Copy !req
386. YOUR DEODORIZER,
YOUR WATER PICK...Copy !req
387. AND YOUR MOTHER'S STUPID CHINA!Copy !req
388. YOU GET YOURSELF A PET
LIKE I HAVE A FISH, RIGHT?Copy !req
389. YEAH.Copy !req
390. IT TEACHES YOU RESPONSIBILITY
BRENDON, WHICH IS WHAT YOU NEED.Copy !req
391. IT'S A RESPONSIBILITY TESTER,
RIGHT?Copy !req
392. SURE.Copy !req
393. I'LL TELL YOU, I'VE GONE THROUGH
A MILLION FISH——THEY ALL DIE.Copy !req
394. YEAH.Copy !req
395. BUT YOU GET OVER IT.
YOU GET ANOTHER FISH.Copy !req
396. THERE'S A BILLION FISH FOR SALE
IN STORES EVERYWHERE.Copy !req
397. YEAH, YEAH...Copy !req
398. COACH, I GOT TO ASK YOU A FAVOR.Copy !req
399. YOU'VE GOT A CAR, RIGHT?Copy !req
400. SO, YOU RODE DOWN
THE WRONG SIDE OF THE STREETCopy !req
401. INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC?Copy !req
402. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING,
BRENDON?Copy !req
403. NOTHING.Copy !req
404. I... WAIT, NO, I REMEMBER.Copy !req
405. I WAS TRYING TO REMEMBER
THE NAME OF THE GUYCopy !req
406. WHO PLAYED TRON
IN THE MOVIE TRON.Copy !req
407. BRENDON, BRENDON,
YOU BROKE THE LAW.Copy !req
408. YOU CAUSED AN ACCIDENT.Copy !req
409. I'M AFRAID THAT ACCORDING TO THE
LAW, YOU HAVE TO BE PUNISHED.Copy !req
410. PUNISHED?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?Copy !req
411. YES, I AM.Copy !req
412. I... I THINK THAT'S ABSURD.Copy !req
413. WHAT MY CLIENT IS TRYING TO SAY,
YOUR HONOR...Copy !req
414. WHO IS THIS?Copy !req
415. LOOK, I TOLD YOU YOU COULD COME
BUT YOU COULDN'T TALK, OKAY.Copy !req
416. TRUST ME, I'VE TALKED MYSELF OUT
OF A MILLION THINGS LIKE THIS.Copy !req
417. NO, JUST... DO NOT TALK.Copy !req
418. JUST SHUT UP
AND LET ME HANDLE THIS.Copy !req
419. YOU SHUT UP.Copy !req
420. BRENDON, IS THIS YOUR GUARDIAN?Copy !req
421. I DON'T KNOW.Copy !req
422. JON MCGUIRK, YOUR HONOR.Copy !req
423. HAVE I SEEN YOU IN COURT BEFORE?Copy !req
424. YES, SEVERAL TIMES,
BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT, SIR.Copy !req
425. WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT MY
RETARDED NEPHEW IS INNOCENT.Copy !req
426. I'M NOT RETARDED.Copy !req
427. YES, YOU ARE, BRENDON,
NOW, SHUT UP.Copy !req
428. YOUR HONOR, DURING THE DAY
OF THE ACCIDENTCopy !req
429. BRENDON WAS SUFFERING
FROM A SEVERE BOUT OF, UH,Copy !req
430. MENTALLY CHALLENGED... STUFF.Copy !req
431. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?Copy !req
432. MISTRIAL, BRENDON.Copy !req
433. ALSO, YOUR HONOR, BRENDON
WAS SUFFERING FROM DEMENTIA,Copy !req
434. WHICH WAS PASSED DOWN
TO HIM FROM ME.Copy !req
435. NOW, WAIT.Copy !req
436. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE I AM,
YOUR HONOR.Copy !req
437. I GOT HIT...
I WAS HIT BY A CAR.Copy !req
438. AH... YOU WERE HIT BY...
RIGHT, SO... SO...Copy !req
439. WHAT ARE YOU TELLING ME HERE?Copy !req
440. WELL, THAT BRENDON WAS HIT BY
A CAR AND THAT IT WAS HIS FAULT.Copy !req
441. YOU'D MAKE A FANTASTIC LAWYER.Copy !req
442. NOW, LISTEN, WE'RE NOT DISPUTING
WHO'S AT FAULT HERE.Copy !req
443. WE HAVE AN EYEWITNESS
AND POLICE REPORTS.Copy !req
444. WHAT I'M DOING IS DECIDING
AN APPROPRIATE PUNISHMENT.Copy !req
445. THAT'S THE PHASE OF THE TRIAL
WE'RE AT NOW.Copy !req
446. YOUR HONOR, MIGHT I SUGGEST
A SPANKING ON HIS TUSH?Copy !req
447. THAT'S IT——ANOTHER WORD
AND YOU'LL BE HELD IN CONTEMPT!Copy !req
448. THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.Copy !req
449. OKAY—— ANYWAY, BRENDON,
I'D LIKE TO START OFF BY...Copy !req
450. OH, BRUCE BOXLEITNER.Copy !req
451. WHAT DID I TELL YOU, MISTER?Copy !req
452. I'M JUST SAYING
BRUCE BOXLEITNERCopy !req
453. WAS THE GUY IN TRON,
YOUR HONOR.Copy !req
454. OH, RIGHT!
THANK YOU.Copy !req
455. OH, THANK YOU.
NOW I CAN SLEEP.Copy !req
456. GREAT MOVIE.Copy !req
457. PLEASE, BOTH OF YOU!Copy !req
458. AHEAD OF ITS TIME.Copy !req
459. NOW, LISTEN TO ME, BRENDON,
I WANT YOU TO WRITE AN ESSAYCopy !req
460. DETAILING EXACTLY
WHY WHAT YOU DID WAS ILLEGAL.Copy !req
461. OH, MAN!Copy !req
462. YES, YES.Copy !req
463. AND IF IT'S GOOD, MAYBE I'LL LET
YOU OFF THE HOOK.Copy !req
464. THIS COURT IS A MOCKERY.Copy !req
465. AND YOU THERE, MCGUIRK—...Copy !req
466. I'D LIKE YOU
TO WRITE AN ESSAY, TOO.Copy !req
467. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA...Copy !req
468. HELLO, YOUR HONOR.Copy !req
469. AS YOU CAN SEE, I'VE DECIDED
TO MAKE A VIDEO ESSAYCopy !req
470. IN PLACE OF A WRITTEN ESSAY,
AND TRUST ME,Copy !req
471. THIS WILL BE BETTER BECAUSE
MY PENMANSHIP IS ATROCIOUSCopy !req
472. AND MY SPELLING IS TERRIBLE.Copy !req
473. ANYWAY, HERE'S MY PUNISHMENT
AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.Copy !req
474. I LOVE THIS NEW CAR.Copy !req
475. ME, TOO.Copy !req
476. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I LOVE?Copy !req
477. WHAT'S THAT?Copy !req
478. YOU.Copy !req
479. WE SHOULD RUN OVER
SOME CHILDREN.Copy !req
480. YES, LET'S GO KILL CHILDREN.Copy !req
481. YEAH.Copy !req
482. LOOK, THERE'S ONE
RIDING TOWARDS US NOW.Copy !req
483. WELL, PUT YOUR SEAT BELT ON.Copy !req
484. LET'S SEE WHAT THIS BABY CAN DO.Copy !req
485. OH, GOD, I LOVE MY MOTHER
AND THE COUNTRYCopy !req
486. AND THE JUDICIAL SYSTEM.
I REALLY LOVE ALL THAT STUFF.Copy !req
487. NO!Copy !req
488. YOU COME HERE YOU BRING SOME
STRANGER INTO MY HOUSECopy !req
489. YOU SAY YOU'LL PICK UP BRENDON,
AND YOU DON'T.Copy !req
490. THEN YOU BREAK ALL MY PLATES?Copy !req
491. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?Copy !req
492. I'LL REPLACE THE PLATES, OKAY?Copy !req
493. NO.
YOU KNOW WHAT, HERE'S THE THING.Copy !req
494. YOU NEED TO TELL ME
WHAT'S GOING ON.Copy !req
495. WHAT? I'M A SCREW—UP, OKAY!Copy !req
496. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?Copy !req
497. YES... NO... I MEAN NO.Copy !req
498. I'M A SCREW—UP!Copy !req
499. NO.Copy !req
500. I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT.Copy !req
501. NO.Copy !req
502. I CAN'T BALANCE MY CHECKBOOK.Copy !req
503. NO.Copy !req
504. I SPEND TOO MUCH.Copy !req
505. NO.Copy !req
506. I'M CLUMSY.Copy !req
507. MAYBE.Copy !req
508. I'M STUPID, TOO.
HE EVEN HATES MY LASAGNA.Copy !req
509. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?Copy !req
510. RICHARD?Copy !req
511. YES!Copy !req
512. IS HE STILL ALIVE?Copy !req
513. YEAH.Copy !req
514. HEY, GO IN THE TRUNK, HOT STUFF
AND GO GET DADDY THE BAT.Copy !req
515. SURE THING.Copy !req
516. WE'LL FINISH HIM OFF.Copy !req
517. OW, HEY, OW——NOT AS HARD.Copy !req
518. WELL, I'M TRYING TO KILL YOU.Copy !req
519. OKAY, THAT'S IT!Copy !req
520. OW... OW... OW...Copy !req
521. STEPHANIE, YOU COULD HAVE
TOLD ME ABOUT THE DIVORCE.Copy !req
522. I KNOW, I'M SORRY. I JUST...
I HAD TO GET OUT OF TOWN.Copy !req
523. YOU KNOW, THE STRESS
WAS KILLING ME.Copy !req
524. IT'S HIS FAULT.
IT'S HIS FAULTCopy !req
525. I ACTED LIKE AN ASS AROUND HERE.Copy !req
526. WHO CARES WHOSE FAULT IT WAS?Copy !req
527. LOOK, YOU CAN DOCopy !req
528. YOU CAN CRY LIKE A BABY
AND RUIN YOUR OWN LIFECopy !req
529. AND EVERYBODY'S LIFE
AROUND YOU OR...Copy !req
530. YOU CAN TRY TO MOVE ON.Copy !req
531. BUT RICHARD...Copy !req
532. RICHARD'S A JERK!Copy !req
533. LOOK, YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A
VICTIM AND YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM.Copy !req
534. SAY IT WITH ME.Copy !req
535. I'M NOT A VICTIM.Copy !req
536. NO, WAIT FOR ME, OKAY?Copy !req
537. SAY IT WITH ME.Copy !req
538. OKAY, YOU READY?Copy !req
539. OKAY, I'M READY.Copy !req
540. ONE, TWO, THREE...Copy !req
541. I'M NOT A VICTIM.Copy !req
542. I AM A VICTIM!
NOT THEM!Copy !req
543. THEY WERE ENCASED IN STEEL!Copy !req
544. I ONLY HAD MY FLESH
ENCASEMENT OF FLESH.Copy !req
545. THEY SHOULD HAVE
TO WRITE ESSAYS!Copy !req
546. THEY SHOULD BE PUNISHED.
HIT IT, BOYS!Copy !req
547. ALL RIGHT, I'VE SEEN
ENOUGH OF THIS.Copy !req
548. BRENDON, I AM VERY
DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.Copy !req
549. YOU BLATANTLY FABRICATED
CONTEMPTUOUS MATERIALSCopy !req
550. AND MADE A MOCKERY
OF THIS COURT.Copy !req
551. YOU REALIZE YOU'LL HAVE
TO BE PUNISHED AGAIN.Copy !req
552. W—W—WAIT A...Copy !req
553. NO, BRENDON.Copy !req
554. YOU WON'T TALK YOURSELF
OUT OF THIS.Copy !req
555. I WANT YOU TO SPEND
THE NEXT FOUR MONTHSCopy !req
556. WORKING WEEKEND
COMMUNITY SERVICE.Copy !req
557. OH, YOU'VE GOT
TO BE KIDDING ME.Copy !req
558. I DON'T THINK HE'S KIDDING.Copy !req
559. AND THESE NICE FOLKS HAVE AN
ESTIMATE FOR THE CAR ACCIDENT.Copy !req
560. GIVE ME THAT!
HERE, TAKE THIS.Copy !req
561. 900 DOLLARS?
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING.Copy !req
562. I DON'T THINK THEY'RE KIDDING.Copy !req
563. BRENDON, YOU'LL HAVE
TO HELP ME WITH THIS.Copy !req
564. YES, BRENDON.Copy !req
565. AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU
AROUND HERE AGAIN, GOT IT?Copy !req
566. YEAH, I GOT IT.Copy !req
567. LOOK, I'LL DO
THE COMMUNITY SERVICE.Copy !req
568. MOM, I'LL HELP PAY YOU BACK
FOR THE CAR DAMAGE.Copy !req
569. BUT YOUR HONOR,Copy !req
570. I HAVE LEARNED
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.Copy !req
571. GOOD DAY.Copy !req
572. BRENDON.Copy !req
573. I BELIEVE I SAID "GOOD DAY."Copy !req
574. HEY, WE SHOULD ALL
HANG OUT AGAINCopy !req
575. WHEN ISABELLA COMES BACK
INTO TOWN.Copy !req
576. OH, YEAH, YEAH.Copy !req
577. YEAH, IT WOULD BE GREAT.Copy !req
578. IT WOULD BE "MAHVELOUS," MATE!Copy !req
579. "KANGAROO,"BOOMERANG,"
YOU KNOW?Copy !req
580. YEAH, I NEVER DID THAT THING
WITH YOU GUYS, REMEMBER?Copy !req
581. RIGHT.Copy !req
582. WELL, SERIOUSLY, PAULA,
THANK YOU.Copy !req
583. ARE... ARE YOU SURE
YOU DON'T NEED TO STAY LONGER?Copy !req
584. NAH, I REALLY, YOU KNOW,
BETTER GET BACK.Copy !req
585. I'VE GOT A LOT OF STUFF
TO SORT THROUGH.Copy !req
586. WELL, I HOPE EVERYTHING
GOES SMOOTHLY, I REALLY DO.Copy !req
587. THAT'S MY CAB.
THANK YOU AGAIN.Copy !req
588. OKAY.
WHOA, OKAY.Copy !req
589. GOOD—BYE.Copy !req
590. ALL RIGHT,Copy !req
591. STEPHANIE!Copy !req
592. STEPHANIE, YOU FORGOT YOUR,
UH...Copy !req
593. YOU HAVE BEEN IN THERE
THE WHOLE TIME.Copy !req
594. YEAH.Copy !req
595. RIGHT.Copy !req
596. SAMMY?
GUESS WHO'S HOME.Copy !req
597. DADDY'S HOME.Copy !req
598. WHO'S HUNGRY, HUH?Copy !req
599. I AM.Copy !req
600. I'M GOING TO EAT IN FRONT OF YOU
WHILE YOU JUST LIE... LIE THERE.Copy !req
601. SAMMY?
LITTLE GUY?Copy !req
602. SAMMY, TALK TO ME.Copy !req
603. YOU'RE JUST SLEEPING, RIGHT?Copy !req
604. WAKE UP.Copy !req
605. SAMMY, WAKE UP!Copy !req
606. OH, MY GOD, SAMMY,
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH YOU?Copy !req
607. MAYBE BURY YOU
IN THE BACKYARD OR, UM...Copy !req
608. I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU DO
WITH A DEAD FISH?Copy !req
609. MAYBE I'LL PUT YOU
IN A LITTLE BOX OR SOMETHINGCopy !req
610. AND I'LL DRIVE YOU OUT TO THE...Copy !req
611. HOLD ON, I'M COMING.Copy !req
612. JON MCQUIRK?Copy !req
613. UH... NO, McQUIRK
LIVES NEXT DOOR.Copy !req
614. I'M JON McGUIRK.Copy !req
615. WHO WANTS TO KNOW?
YOU?Copy !req
616. I'M AFRAID YOU HAVE
TO COME WITH ME.Copy !req
617. FOR WHAT?Copy !req
618. MURDER ONE.Copy !req
619. HUH?Copy !req
620. OH, HOLD ON.Copy !req
621. APPARENTLY, YOU FAILED TO TURN
IN AN ESSAY THAT WAS DUE
EARLIER TODAY.Copy !req
622. WHOA, WHOA, WAIT, WAIT!
NO, I THOUGHT HE WAS KIDDING.Copy !req
623. AFRAID NOT, SIR.Copy !req
624. OH, MY GOD, THIS ISN'T MY DAY.Copy !req
625. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
TO REMAIN SILENT.Copy !req
626. ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL
BE USED AGAINST YOU...Copy !req
627. OH, NO, NO! NO! SAMMY!Copy !req
628. CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY
THE TRANSCRIPTION COMPANY
BURBANK, CA
WWW.TRANSCRIPTS.NETCopy !req