1. Refugees welcome for now.
Refugees welcome. You, not so sure.Copy !req
2. Stay as long as you like, Sami.Copy !req
3. Hang on. He is not staying...Copy !req
4. Don't tell me what I can do in my
own house, Peter.Copy !req
5. I'm... gonna go away for a bit.Copy !req
6. Yasmine and George are the third
Syrian refugee familyCopy !req
7. we are hosting.Copy !req
8. But she does not look for
recognition.Copy !req
9. And it's exactly what I write about
in my blog.Copy !req
10. Do they know you are sleeping here?Copy !req
11. My accommodation status is on a
need-to-know basis.Copy !req
12. Refugees welcome here.Copy !req
13. Refugees welcome here.Copy !req
14. This programme contains strong
language and adult humour.Copy !req
15. It's not in the work. I'm sorry...Copy !req
16. Ha!Copy !req
17. And that is the conclusion of the
physics lesson for today.Copy !req
18. How was that?Copy !req
19. Very good.Copy !req
20. What were you studying today?Copy !req
21. Sebastian?Copy !req
22. Black holes. Black holes.Copy !req
23. And what did you learn about
black holes?Copy !req
24. Don't know.Copy !req
25. Very little is known about
black holes,Copy !req
26. so the mystery continues.Copy !req
27. Sami, you are a physics teacher,
aren't you?Copy !req
28. Oh, yes.Copy !req
29. Who wrote A Brief History Of Time?Copy !req
30. Yeah, who wrote it?Copy !req
31. Stephen...?Copy !req
32. Yes, Stephen.Copy !req
33. Second name sounds like a bird?Copy !req
34. Stephen Pigeon.Copy !req
35. Funny voice. Steven Gerrard.Copy !req
36. Couldn't use his legs.Copy !req
37. Steven Gerrard playing for England.Copy !req
38. He never quite captured his club
form on international duty.Copy !req
39. Huh, Sebastian?Copy !req
40. I'm sorry, I...Copy !req
41. I'm sorry.Copy !req
42. Please.Copy !req
43. Are you a tutor at all?Copy !req
44. Yes. I am an English teacher.Copy !req
45. Literature?Copy !req
46. I love it.Copy !req
47. Are you telling me the truth
this time?Copy !req
48. Shall I compare thee
to a summer's day?Copy !req
49. Thou art more lovely
and more temperate:Copy !req
50. Rough winds do shake the
darling buds of MayCopy !req
51. And summer's lease hath
all too short a date.Copy !req
52. Is he any good at English?Copy !req
53. Of course he's not.Copy !req
54. Jesus. All right!Copy !req
55. Come Thursday.Copy !req
56. We'll start again. OK.Copy !req
57. Oh, OK!Copy !req
58. Oh, no, no.Copy !req
59. I can't. Just take it.Copy !req
60. You nearly got away with it.Copy !req
61. Thank you.Copy !req
62. See you Thursday.Copy !req
63. I'll look forward to it.Copy !req
64. "I'll look forward to it."Copy !req
65. Do it again.Copy !req
66. "I'll look forward to it."Copy !req
67. Yeah, she's flirting. Are you sure?Copy !req
68. Yeah.Copy !req
69. Would you flirt that way?Copy !req
70. No.Copy !req
71. How would you do it?Copy !req
72. Fancy a fuck?Copy !req
73. Really?Copy !req
74. I'm gay.Copy !req
75. Oh. Oh!Copy !req
76. So, no beating around the bush,
so to speak.Copy !req
77. Still, er, quite forward.Copy !req
78. Yeah, but I'm into big dirty
bastards, so, "Is it raining?Copy !req
79. "I hadn't noticed," tends not to
cut the mustard.Copy !req
80. Where do you go be gay in UK?Copy !req
81. Anywhere. Pubs, club nights.Copy !req
82. Heard of Thorax? No.Copy !req
83. That's a good one.Copy !req
84. Stirrup? Again, no.Copy !req
85. Ramshackle.Copy !req
86. It's not easy being gay in Syria,
I imagine.Copy !req
87. Used to be.Copy !req
88. Shaalan district in Damascus.Copy !req
89. Now not so easy to be anything
any more.Copy !req
90. Being gay extra problem.Copy !req
91. You know who I used to fancy?Copy !req
92. Who? Osama bin Laden.Copy !req
93. Right.Copy !req
94. Bad boy.Copy !req
95. Yes, he was a bad boy.Copy !req
96. ISIS don't wanna hear thisCopy !req
97. but that whole jihadist look really
does it for me.Copy !req
98. Don't let me go over there, I'd get
myself in terrible trouble.Copy !req
99. Right.Copy !req
100. Time to toodle.Copy !req
101. Hey.Copy !req
102. Do it again.Copy !req
103. I'm fucking with you! Ah, ha-ha!Copy !req
104. Have a good one, mate.Copy !req
105. So, we're still coming to your house
on Thursday for dinner.Copy !req
106. We will sort out the situation
betweenCopy !req
107. Sami and Yasmine, OK?Copy !req
108. I hope so. How is he?Copy !req
109. He's good.Copy !req
110. He's got some work as a tutor so
he's working, he's happy.Copy !req
111. Illegally?Copy !req
112. Illegal's a bit strong.Copy !req
113. Unlegal?Copy !req
114. He's working unlegally.Copy !req
115. Please don't call the cops. Agh!Copy !req
116. Eva, it is so good of you to come
all the way from GermanyCopy !req
117. to discuss this.Copy !req
118. Oh, no, Oliver is a guest speaker at
a medical conference here.Copy !req
119. Oh, I see!
And we are fitting you in.Copy !req
120. Well, thank you for finding a hole,Copy !req
121. as the bishop said to the...
Shall we say 7 o'clock?Copy !req
122. Of course, and don't worry,
we shan't be there at 7 exactly.Copy !req
123. We are not your typical
cliched Germans.Copy !req
124. Good for you. We are always late.Copy !req
125. Me too. We'll be, like, about to
leave the houseCopy !req
126. and Oliver will wanna fuck me
or something.Copy !req
127. God. Yeah!Copy !req
128. Tell me about it.Copy !req
129. I thought after seven years of being
together, he will startCopy !req
130. leaving me alone but, if anything,Copy !req
131. he finds me more attractive.Copy !req
132. What am I doing wrong?Copy !req
133. Peter's the same.Copy !req
134. Sometimes I'll be in the kitchen
and he'll just swoopCopy !req
135. and I'll be like,
"Put it away, love,Copy !req
136. "I'm trying to enjoy a sandwich,
here." We're gluten free.Copy !req
137. Gluten free, good to know. So I will
see you around 7 o'clockCopy !req
138. and tell Oliver to make it
a quickie!Copy !req
139. You can tell him that yourself.Copy !req
140. How long is a piece of string, huh?Copy !req
141. OK, see you later.Copy !req
142. Auf Wiedersehen!Copy !req
143. Fucking hell.Copy !req
144. Do you have any news?Copy !req
145. No, I just wanted to hear
your voice.Copy !req
146. Where is George?Copy !req
147. He's with Marvin in the park.Copy !req
148. Marvin? His friend.Copy !req
149. He picks his nose a lot.Copy !req
150. It's good to have a hobby.Copy !req
151. It's all happening.
He's settling down.Copy !req
152. You're meeting Eva and Oliver
on Thursday?Copy !req
153. Yes. All these grown-ups
taking care of us.Copy !req
154. I feel like I am trying to impress
your father all over again.Copy !req
155. Do you remember that time he caught
us kissing?Copy !req
156. First time or second time?Copy !req
157. Yeah, he saw you have hard-on and
hit it with a table lamp.Copy !req
158. Ah, third time.Copy !req
159. They're going to try to persuade you
to come and stay with us,Copy !req
160. you know that. Yes.Copy !req
161. I've been doing some research.Copy !req
162. You know, I could continue my
university degree here in Berlin.Copy !req
163. Yasmine, you can do that here
very easily, very easily.Copy !req
164. When is your interview for asylum?Copy !req
165. Three weeks.Copy !req
166. I've not laughed with you
for so long.Copy !req
167. You're really good at laughing.Copy !req
168. British joke?Copy !req
169. Tommy Cooper.Copy !req
170. They love him here.Copy !req
171. He wears a fez. Is he Muslim?Copy !req
172. I think convert, maybe.Copy !req
173. I love you.Copy !req
174. I know.Copy !req
175. Peter! Peter!Copy !req
176. Peter!Copy !req
177. How did you get here?Copy !req
178. Train, Tube, Tube, walk.Copy !req
179. Your mum's going to be worried
about you, John.Copy !req
180. This won't take long.Copy !req
181. Er, we're not plumbed in yet.Copy !req
182. Oh, right.Copy !req
183. How do you...? Piss down the lift
shaft. Does it make a good sound?Copy !req
184. Makes a great sound.
It's very satisfying.Copy !req
185. It's very satisfying indeed.Copy !req
186. I bet.Copy !req
187. Did the refugees leave?Copy !req
188. It's OK, it's all right,
it's all right, he's with me.Copy !req
189. How's your primavera?Copy !req
190. Good.Copy !req
191. How long are they staying for?Copy !req
192. As long as they need to.Copy !req
193. I mean, I'm not allowed up here,Copy !req
194. hardly in a position to
turf them out.Copy !req
195. Oliver and Eva are coming over for
dinner on Thursday.Copy !req
196. To meet Sami?Copy !req
197. To persuade him to move to Berlin.Copy !req
198. Right.Copy !req
199. You need to come. Says who?Copy !req
200. Him, me, Mum.Copy !req
201. Do you think your mum misses me,
John?Copy !req
202. You know your nose-hair trimmer on
the bathroom shelf?Copy !req
203. It does eyebrows as well
but, yes, the Multigroom, hm?Copy !req
204. Well, it went and I thought she
threw it outCopy !req
205. but I found it in the top drawer
of the cabinet.Copy !req
206. Top drawer? Yeah.Copy !req
207. I'm still top drawer...Copy !req
208. You're not on the shelf.Copy !req
209. What time Thursday?Copy !req
210. 7 o'clock.Copy !req
211. Wear this.Copy !req
212. Why? Oliver's handsome. You need to
make an effort.Copy !req
213. What do you think?Copy !req
214. It's a game-changer. OK.Copy !req
215. See you Thursday. 7pm.Copy !req
216. Er, John.Copy !req
217. Do you...Copy !req
218. .. miss me?Copy !req
219. Sort your nose out, as well.Copy !req
220. We didn't know that you
lived outside London.Copy !req
221. Dorking is right next door.Copy !req
222. Sami shouldn't be much longer.Copy !req
223. Right.Copy !req
224. The Uber car just kept on
going and going.Copy !req
225. I thought we were going
back to Germany.Copy !req
226. The Surrey hills, it's nicer.Copy !req
227. You live in the countryside,
like a family of squirrels.Copy !req
228. Oh.Copy !req
229. Sorry, what was that?Copy !req
230. Oh, Oliver was just saying how this
reminds us of our first house.Copy !req
231. Thank you.Copy !req
232. We were so poor.Copy !req
233. Poor you.Copy !req
234. You're not now, though, are you?Copy !req
235. No. Our house is a converted
shoe factory in Berlin.Copy !req
236. Gosh.Copy !req
237. I just realised.Copy !req
238. We live in a shoe factory,Copy !req
239. you live in a shoe box.Copy !req
240. It's perfect.Copy !req
241. Let's go into business.Copy !req
242. No, the shoe factory's no longer
operational. The shoe factory is no
longer operational.Copy !req
243. I mean, the start-up costs
would be enormous.Copy !req
244. And we've all got lives, haven't we?Copy !req
245. So, Oliver, you're here with work.Copy !req
246. Yes, yes, I'm lecturing my fellow
surgeons at the Imperial College.Copy !req
247. They seem to think that I know
something about replacingCopy !req
248. the mitral valve of the heart with
minimal invasive surgery.Copy !req
249. He does know something about it.Copy !req
250. I pioneered it.Copy !req
251. You've saved so many lives. Yeah.Copy !req
252. I mean, you're like an airbag.Copy !req
253. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
254. It involves keyhole surgery,Copy !req
255. inserting a catheter through
the ribs.Copy !req
256. Well, I hate to disagree
with you, Oliver,Copy !req
257. but I always thought the way to a
man's heart was through his stomach.Copy !req
258. Er, no.Copy !req
259. No, the organ damage
would be catastrophic.Copy !req
260. Speaking of which, let me get you
both a drink.Copy !req
261. "She is tolerable but not handsome
enough to tempt me."Copy !req
262. Who said that? Darcy.Copy !req
263. Very good. Bravo.Copy !req
264. Finished.Copy !req
265. How was Pride And Prejudice?Copy !req
266. In the words of Jane Austen...Copy !req
267. .. we smashed it.Copy !req
268. Can I go out?Copy !req
269. Yes, back in an hour.Copy !req
270. See you next week, Sami.Copy !req
271. Yes.Copy !req
272. Well, thank you.Copy !req
273. Pleasure.Copy !req
274. Would you like a glass of wine?Copy !req
275. Er, no. I have to go home
for a very important dinner.Copy !req
276. Well, you better check it.Copy !req
277. Ah.Copy !req
278. Still no.Copy !req
279. Um...Copy !req
280. ..I am married.Copy !req
281. So am I.Copy !req
282. Hard, isn't it?Copy !req
283. Yes.Copy !req
284. It's important to be happy, Sami.Copy !req
285. Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.Copy !req
286. But, my wife and I, there is a great
distance between us right now.Copy !req
287. Oh, same with me and Neil.Copy !req
288. I feel as though we may as well be
living in different countries.Copy !req
289. Well, we are.Copy !req
290. Tell me about it.Copy !req
291. We, my wife and I, we have been
through a lot.Copy !req
292. We have been on a sinking ship.Copy !req
293. Maybe you need to get off that ship?Copy !req
294. I think we are talking about two
different ships.Copy !req
295. Conference call wrapped up early.Copy !req
296. What are we...?Copy !req
297. Hello. Hello.Copy !req
298. This is the tutor.
Oh, yeah, the refugee.Copy !req
299. Don't nick anything.Copy !req
300. It's not what it looks like.Copy !req
301. Who wrote these?Copy !req
302. I did.Copy !req
303. You wrote these? To her?Copy !req
304. She has asked me to leave.Copy !req
305. You come over here, you...Copy !req
306. OK, so what do you want to do?Copy !req
307. I want to hit you.Copy !req
308. Oh, for God's sake, Neil.Copy !req
309. OK.Copy !req
310. Uh...Copy !req
311. I will sit down.Copy !req
312. Can we hurry up, please?
I have to be home for dinner.Copy !req
313. I'm preparing.Copy !req
314. Same time next week?Copy !req
315. Obviously he's decided he doesn't
want to meet us.Copy !req
316. Hello? Yeah! Coming.Copy !req
317. Ah. So, Sami.Copy !req
318. Eva.Copy !req
319. Oh, Sami.Copy !req
320. So nice to meet you. Yes, you too.Copy !req
321. Hi, oh, so sorry I'm late.Copy !req
322. Where, where...?Copy !req
323. Here, Sami.Copy !req
324. What happened to your eye?Copy !req
325. Pride.Copy !req
326. And Prejudice.Copy !req
327. Hi. Hello.Copy !req
328. John didn't tell you he'd
invited me, did he?Copy !req
329. No.Copy !req
330. This is ridiculous. I'm going to go.Copy !req
331. No, no, no. This is good.Copy !req
332. This helps.Copy !req
333. Come in.Copy !req
334. Er, these are for you.Copy !req
335. Thank you.Copy !req
336. The florist said that peonies
are very specialCopy !req
337. cos they're only available for a few
months of the year.Copy !req
338. I said, "They should be available
for longer."Copy !req
339. The florist said,
"A peonies extension?"Copy !req
340. And I said, "No, that's just the way
my trousers bunch up."Copy !req
341. Right, that's the ice broken.Copy !req
342. How's it going in there?Copy !req
343. I see.Copy !req
344. Where'd you get that?Copy !req
345. Er, John wanted me to wear it.Copy !req
346. Do you like it?Copy !req
347. It was his dad's.Copy !req
348. I'm sorry.Copy !req
349. I'll take it off. No, no, no.Copy !req
350. Keep it on. I like that he gave it
to you.Copy !req
351. It's like a cat bringing you a
really fucked up mouse.Copy !req
352. Bit weird but he means well.Copy !req
353. Come on.Copy !req
354. Welcome, Eva and Oliver, to the UK.Copy !req
355. I hope you had a pleasant trip.Copy !req
356. Better than mine, anyway.Copy !req
357. Although Lufthansa these days,
I don't know.Copy !req
358. We flew BA.Copy !req
359. Hm.Copy !req
360. I've never been on a plane.Copy !req
361. Welcome.Copy !req
362. Yasmine sends you a present.Copy !req
363. I don't have anything for her.Copy !req
364. Don't worry.Copy !req
365. Join us in Berlin.Copy !req
366. That is the only gift she wants.Copy !req
367. So, Oliver, you are a heart surgeon.Copy !req
368. I'm afraid I am.Copy !req
369. You are a hero. No, no, no,
I am no hero.Copy !req
370. John has a saying.Copy !req
371. "Not all heroes wear capes."Copy !req
372. Yes, indeed. Not all heroes wear
capes.Copy !req
373. They do wear gloves, though.Copy !req
374. Ha! Thor doesn't.Copy !req
375. Have you ever touched a heart?Copy !req
376. Sorry?Copy !req
377. Like, a beating one? Have you ever
touched a live heart?Copy !req
378. Yes, John, I have.Copy !req
379. What's it like?Copy !req
380. It's like touching God.Copy !req
381. And thank you for asking
me this question.Copy !req
382. Sami...Copy !req
383. Is it slimy?Copy !req
384. Little bit.Copy !req
385. Got there in the end.Copy !req
386. Sami, I have touched
a thousand human heartsCopy !req
387. but it is very rare that someone
touches my heart.Copy !req
388. Your beautiful wife
and your beautiful son,Copy !req
389. they have touched my heart.Copy !req
390. Thank you.Copy !req
391. As you know, I'm a teacher and I've
taught thousands of childrenCopy !req
392. but, actually, it's quite rare that
somebody teaches me something.Copy !req
393. Sami has taught me compassion but
he's also taught me humility.Copy !req
394. Thank you, Katy.Copy !req
395. Thank YOU.Copy !req
396. I'm a quantity surveyor and...Copy !req
397. Sami, Eva and myself would
like to help you,Copy !req
398. but I will be honest with you,
we do not have a family of our ownCopy !req
399. and we will never have children
because, well...Copy !req
400. I do not want any.Copy !req
401. And this is Eva's choice.Copy !req
402. It is so body destroying.Copy !req
403. Sami, you want your
family to come here.Copy !req
404. UK, not Germany?Copy !req
405. I think so, yes.Copy !req
406. Even though it is leaving Europe.Copy !req
407. Leaving Europe.Copy !req
408. I can't believe you're doing this.Copy !req
409. Sorry. You must be crazy.Copy !req
410. Why would you? Yeah.Copy !req
411. Feel like it, mate.Copy !req
412. You are saying goodbye
to your neighboursCopy !req
413. and friends to face
an uncertain future.Copy !req
414. This is what we did when
we left Syria.Copy !req
415. It seems like the perfect fit.Copy !req
416. Sami.Copy !req
417. Tolerance, tolerance.Copy !req
418. This is why I want my family
in the UK.Copy !req
419. White politicians, brown mayor,
beautiful black princess.Copy !req
420. Tolerance.Copy !req
421. Ignore my eye.Copy !req
422. Sami, you know what Germany
can offer you.Copy !req
423. More benefits, free movement in
Europe, a health service that works.Copy !req
424. OK, there is nothing wrong
with the NHS.Copy !req
425. It is on its knees.Copy !req
426. Have you used it recently?
Thought not.Copy !req
427. I walked into a hospital six months
ago with a medical emergency,Copy !req
428. I was seen within 90 minutes.Copy !req
429. What was the emergency?Copy !req
430. I tore my frenulum.
Aw, can we not?Copy !req
431. I'm sorry, that's not an emergency.Copy !req
432. Yeah, well, tell that to
my frenulum, mate,Copy !req
433. cos it didn't get the memo.
What is a frenulum, please?Copy !req
434. Oh, shit!Copy !req
435. Enough of this.Copy !req
436. Sami, listen to me.Copy !req
437. You are pushing your family
to the edge.Copy !req
438. They want to stay in Germany.Copy !req
439. Listen to them.Copy !req
440. I'm trying to give us a choice.Copy !req
441. Choice?Copy !req
442. Believe me, you do not want to be
in this Brexit shit-hole.Copy !req
443. OK, now, I said that I would
behave myself tonightCopy !req
444. but that is absolutely a...Copy !req
445. Say that again.Copy !req
446. Brexit shit-hole.Copy !req
447. We are leaving Europe.Copy !req
448. What can I tell you? We love making
things hard for ourselves.Copy !req
449. I mean, we're miles in a world of
kilometres.Copy !req
450. We're hot and cold in a world of
mixer taps.Copy !req
451. We're a three-pin plug in a world of
fuck off three-pin plugs.Copy !req
452. We love underdogs so much we've
decided to become one.Copy !req
453. We've chosen to live in a worse
kennel and, as the song says,Copy !req
454. "We're shit and we know we are."Copy !req
455. But you know what grows in shit?
Roses.Copy !req
456. So, this rose is welcome to stay
and so is his family,Copy !req
457. if that's what they decide. And I've
got two things to say to you.Copy !req
458. A, if you don't like it,
you can fuck off.Copy !req
459. And, B,Copy !req
460. none of that pasta's gluten free.Copy !req
461. Well, I thought that went very well.Copy !req
462. Too much?Copy !req
463. No.Copy !req
464. No.Copy !req
465. They weren't very nice.Copy !req
466. They weren't very nice, were they?Copy !req
467. No. No.Copy !req
468. Er, look, Katy.Copy !req
469. He's got the refugees
still staying with him.Copy !req
470. How long can they stay there?Copy !req
471. For as long as they can get away
with it.Copy !req
472. Stay here.Copy !req
473. For tonight?Copy !req
474. For as long as you can get
away with it.Copy !req
475. He's been pissing in
the lift shaft as well.Copy !req
476. Yes, thank you, John.Copy !req
477. Hello?Copy !req
478. Eins, zwei, drei.Copy !req
479. So? How did it go?Copy !req
480. Erm, uh...Copy !req
481. You still want to stay there,
don't you?Copy !req