1. It was the night before Hogswatch.Copy !req
2. Up, Gouger! Up, Rooter! Up Tusker! Up, Snouter! Giddyup!Copy !req
3. But while children everywhere sleep fitfully in the beliefCopy !req
4. that a jolly, fat man is about to deliver their presents,Copy !req
5. not necessarily everyone is entering into the Hogswatch spirit.Copy !req
6. Good evening, Lord Downey. We offer you a commission.Copy !req
7. You wish someone inhumed?Copy !req
8. Brought to an end.Copy !req
9. As for the who, let us call him...Copy !req
10. the Fat Man.Copy !req
11. If you don't believe in the Hogfather, there won't be any presents.Copy !req
12. Thought so.Copy !req
13. Is Mr. Teatime still in the building?Copy !req
14. It's pronounced Te-ah-tim-eh, sir.Copy !req
15. The dog seems to like you.Copy !req
16. I get on well with animals, sir.Copy !req
17. As a matter of interest, how would you go about inhuming this gentleman?Copy !req
18. If he's supposed to be getting rid of the Hogfather, why is he going to the Tooth Fairy's castle?Copy !req
19. ALBERT. SOMETHING HERE IS NOT RIGHT.Copy !req
20. - Does he believe in things like the Tooth Fairy?
- Even the Hogfather.Copy !req
21. 'Cause after we're finished here, not even he will.Copy !req
22. It's a very enemy-friendly spell, sir.Copy !req
23. THE HOGFATHER. OH, DEAR.Copy !req
24. ALBERT? WE MAY NOT HAVE MUCH TIME.Copy !req
25. ONWARDS, BINKY, TO THE HOGFATHER'S CASTLE OF BONES.Copy !req
26. - All of them?
- Every last one.Copy !req
27. - Put 'em in a pile?
- That's millions.Copy !req
28. APPLESAUCE.Copy !req
29. OH, YES. AND... HO, HO, HO.Copy !req
30. Grandfather? So what have you turned up for?Copy !req
31. And if it's for business reasons, I will add, then that outfit is in extremely poor taste.Copy !req
32. THE HOGFATHER IS UNAVAILABLE.Copy !req
33. At Hogswatch?Copy !req
34. HE IS GONE.Copy !req
35. Susan will try to find out what this is all about.Copy !req
36. YOU MIGHT THINK I'VE ALREADY THOUGHT OF THAT,Copy !req
37. BUT I COULDN'T POSSIBLY COMMENT.Copy !req
38. Get hold of something like somebody's nail clipping, hair, teeth...Copy !req
39. You got them under your control.Copy !req
40. Children of the world, prepare to take a short tour.Copy !req
41. The Hogfather. Grandfather, what've you done?Copy !req
42. SO MANY CHIMNEYS.Copy !req
43. I mean, if we're gonna give Susan enough time to succeed,Copy !req
44. the little perishers need to believe in you, master. No, I mean the Hogfather.Copy !req
45. So, you got to look the part!Copy !req
46. What's going on here, then? Eh?Copy !req
47. It's as if something is triggering random bursts of stray belief.Copy !req
48. IT'S THE EXPRESSION ON THEIR LITTLE FACES I LIKE.Copy !req
49. Yeah. The sort of cross between fear and awe.Copy !req
50. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry or wet their pants.Copy !req
51. YES. NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL BELIEF.Copy !req
52. Pretty lights...Copy !req
53. You're not the Hogfather!Copy !req
54. Daddy?Copy !req
55. Wake up! Wake up! You got to find the Hogfather!Copy !req
56. He was at the Castle of Bones.Copy !req
57. Happy Hogswatch, everybody!Copy !req
58. - It's not what you think!
- Yes, it is.Copy !req
59. Are you the Hogf...?Copy !req
60. Everything starts somewhere,Copy !req
61. although many physicists disagree.Copy !req
62. There is the constant desire to find out where,Copy !req
63. where is the point where it all began?Copy !req
64. But much, much later than thatCopy !req
65. the Discworld was formed.Copy !req
66. Drifting onwards through spaceCopy !req
67. atop four elephants on the shell of a giant turtleCopy !req
68. the great A'tuin.Copy !req
69. It was sometime after its creationCopy !req
70. when most people forgotCopy !req
71. that the very oldest stories at the beginning areCopy !req
72. sooner or laterCopy !req
73. about blood.Copy !req
74. At least, that's one theory.Copy !req
75. The philosopher Didactylos has suggested an alternative hypothesis:Copy !req
76. things just happen, what the hell.Copy !req
77. Our story began in Ankh-MorporkCopy !req
78. the twin city of proud Ankh and pestilent MorporkCopy !req
79. the biggest city in Discworld.Copy !req
80. A city, where magic is just another jobCopy !req
81. and where the Tower of Art of the Unseen University for wizardsCopy !req
82. looms over all the dark, narrow streets below.Copy !req
83. Our story continues in the middle of the night before Hogswatch,Copy !req
84. a mid-winter festivel, which, for some reason,Copy !req
85. bears a remarkable similarity to your Christmas.Copy !req
86. But now it takes us to the Tooth Fairys castle,Copy !req
87. where magic's made children's teeth periliously powerful.Copy !req
88. So that our story is, much sooner rather than later,Copy !req
89. about blood.Copy !req
90. Mr. Teatime!Copy !req
91. Very well, I've unlocked it.Copy !req
92. And Banjo's opened it.Copy !req
93. I'm not telling you anything! Who are you, anyway?Copy !req
94. I'm glad you've asked! I'm your worst nightmare!Copy !req
95. You mean ... the one with the giant cabbage and the kind of whirring knife thing?Copy !req
96. Sorry, no. Not that one.Copy !req
97. I'm the one where this man comes out of nowhere and kills you stone dead.Copy !req
98. Oh, that one. But that's not very...Copy !req
99. Rather a charitable act there, I feel. But it is nearly Hogswatch, after all.Copy !req
100. Bring me the girl.Copy !req
101. ODD.Copy !req
102. It's a scythe job, then?Copy !req
103. They took the teeth! All of them! They just walked in, and... no, wait!Copy !req
104. Where did he come from?Copy !req
105. A PLACE I CANNOT GO.Copy !req
106. Well, you'd better pull down. We've got Alber come out here, keeping the Hogfather's seat warm.Copy !req
107. IF WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE TOOTH FAIRY'S CASTLE ISN'T STOPPED,Copy !req
108. THEN EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN DOING IS A WASTE OF TIME.Copy !req
109. AND IF THEY GET TO THE TOOTH FAIRY,Copy !req
110. THEY WILL BE ABLE TO CONTROL ALL HUMAN BELIEF.Copy !req
111. UNLESS SUSAN GETS THERE FIRST.Copy !req
112. Yes, well, it's coming along well. Very impressive! Well done.Copy !req
113. I need your help, Mr. Ridcully.Copy !req
114. I, err... you're...Copy !req
115. Yes. The scythe, the cloak, the white horse, the granddaughter.Copy !req
116. I need you to wake him up.Copy !req
117. His name's Bilious. He's the oh God of Hangovers.Copy !req
118. Something nasty's happening tonight. I'm hoping he can tell me what it is.Copy !req
119. But he's got to be able to think straight first.Copy !req
120. And you brought him here?Copy !req
121. Why are you doing that?Copy !req
122. - I mean, I was a bit behind with the teeth, I know...
- Is this her door?Copy !req
123. - Don't know, there was 13 dollars in pillow money...
- Is this her door?Copy !req
124. I admit, but I signed the form GV19 for them...Copy !req
125. Will you just shut up and answer the question?Copy !req
126. I don't know, I've never been here before.Copy !req
127. Your boss probably doesn't realise how irritating you are.Copy !req
128. Come out, come out, wherever you are! Or Miss Bottler gets is.Copy !req
129. S'that good, I g'it! Have you got the lid?Copy !req
130. THIS IS REALLY, REALLY STUPID.Copy !req
131. I think the tradition got started when everyone had them big chimneys, master.Copy !req
132. INDEED? IT'S ONLY A MERCY IT'S UNLIT.Copy !req
133. THE BOY WANTS A PAIR OF TROUSERS THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE TO SHARE,Copy !req
134. A HUGE MEAT PIE, A SUGAR MOUSE, 'A LOT OF TOYS' AND A PUPPY CALLED SCRUFF.Copy !req
135. Ah, sweet. I shall wipe away a tear, 'cos what he's gettin', see, is this little wooden toy and an apple.Copy !req
136. BUT THE LETTER CLEARLY...Copy !req
137. I know, it's the socio-economic factors.Copy !req
138. The world'd be in a hell of a mess if everyone got what they asked for, eh?Copy !req
139. I GAVE THEM WHAT THEY WANTED IN THE STORE.Copy !req
140. What good's a god who gives you everything you want?Copy !req
141. YOU HAVE ME THERE.Copy !req
142. It's the hope that's important.Copy !req
143. It's a big part of belief, hope.Copy !req
144. Give people jam today and they'll just sit and eat it.Copy !req
145. Jam tomorrow, now - that'll keep them going for ever.Copy !req
146. AND YOU MEAN THAT BECAUSE OF THIS THE POOR GET POOR THINGSCopy !req
147. AND THE RICH GET RICH THINGS?Copy !req
148. Oh, yeah. That's the meaning of Hogswatch, isn't it, master?Copy !req
149. BUT I'M THE HOGFATHER! AT THE MOMENT, I MEAN.Copy !req
150. Makes no difference.Copy !req
151. I remember when I was a nipper, it was one Hogswatch.Copy !req
152. I had my heart set on this huge model horse in this shop. It was what I always wanted.Copy !req
153. Someone was in there buying it. And you know, just for a second,Copy !req
154. I thought it really was going to be for me.Copy !req
155. But it wasn't.Copy !req
156. I spent hours with my nose pressed up against the window,Copy !req
157. until someone heard me callin', and unfroze me.Copy !req
158. I'd've killed for that horse.Copy !req
159. But I still hung up my stocking on Hogswatch Eve. You know why?Copy !req
160. Because I had hope!Copy !req
161. And the next morning, our dad's put in my stocking a little wooden horse,Copy !req
162. that he carved his very own self.Copy !req
163. AH, AND THAT WAS WORTH MORE THAN ALL THE EXPENSIVE TOY HORSES IN THE WORLD!Copy !req
164. No, 'cause you're a selfish little bugger when you're seven. Only grown-ups think like that.Copy !req
165. THIS IS WRONG. IT IS... UNFAIR.Copy !req
166. That's life, is it, master, isn't it?Copy !req
167. BUT I'M NOT.Copy !req
168. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY.Copy !req
169. AND OTHER THINGS ENDING IN OLLY.Copy !req
170. Please, just take her out of vocal range.Copy !req
171. Mr. Brown! Your big moment.Copy !req
172. Break me up the real Tooth Fairy.Copy !req
173. If you're the Lecturer in Recent Runes, can't you do something more magical?Copy !req
174. Well, Spold's Unstirring Divisor would do it.Copy !req
175. You'd end up with a large beaker full of all the nastiness.Copy !req
176. Not difficult at all, if you don't mind the side effects.Copy !req
177. Tell me about the side effects.Copy !req
178. The main one is that the rest of him would end up in a somewhat larger beaker.Copy !req
179. Alive?Copy !req
180. Broadly, yes. Living tissue, certainly. And definitely sober.Copy !req
181. Why don't we just mix up absolutely everything and see what happens?Copy !req
182. It's got to be worth a try.Copy !req
183. Thank you, Modo.Copy !req
184. Is this going to take much longer? We may not have much time.Copy !req
185. Oh, you can't be too careful.Copy !req
186. What's that?Copy !req
187. Wow-Wow Sauce. The hottest sauce in the Universe.Copy !req
188. And it will blow your head clean off.Copy !req
189. It's not safe to drink it when sweat's still condensing on the bottle.Copy !req
190. On the other hand, it's a kill-or-cure remedy then we are, given the possibilityCopy !req
191. that the patient is immortal, probably on to a winner.Copy !req
192. It did not go critical yet.Copy !req
193. I don't know, I wish you fellows would show some backbone...Copy !req
194. Careful, Archchancellor. What you have there might represent pure sobriety!Copy !req
195. I'll try it.Copy !req
196. You did say that he was immortal, didn't you?Copy !req
197. - You mean... he just appeared?
- Yes.Copy !req
198. He has no memory of existing before appearing at the Hogfather's castle.Copy !req
199. You mean like this fella?Copy !req
200. Don't be ridiculous, gods and gnomes don't just appear for no reason!Copy !req
201. Bring me, let's see, twenty pints of lager, some pepper vodka, and a bottle of cofee liquor.Copy !req
202. I didn't have you sobered up just so that you can go on a binge.Copy !req
203. - You don't drink!
- I don't? Oh. Yeah.Copy !req
204. I need you to help me!Copy !req
205. I'm afraid did it, didn't I? I said something to young Stibbons about drinking and hangovers.Copy !req
206. You mean you created him just like that? I find that very hard to believe.Copy !req
207. Good job nobody mentioned the Hair Loss Fairy, then.Copy !req
208. I am not losing my hair! It is just very finely spaced.Copy !req
209. Yes, half on your head and half on your hairbrush!Copy !req
210. For the last time, I am not...Copy !req
211. I wish I knew where that was coming from.Copy !req
212. We need a bigger brain for this.Copy !req
213. That thinking engine of yours is working, Ponder?Copy !req
214. Hex is resting, Archchancellor.Copy !req
215. Can you hear me in there!Copy !req
216. You don't have to shout, Archchancellor.Copy !req
217. What is that glingleglingleglingle noise all about?Copy !req
218. It says, look on the Dean. Over the Dean?Copy !req
219. Is there a problem?Copy !req
220. Are you the Hair Loss Fairy?Copy !req
221. Apparently.Copy !req
222. What have you been doing with my hair?Copy !req
223. Just a minute! Where exactly were you, before I found you in the snow?Copy !req
224. Anywhere where drink was consumed in beastly quantities some time previously, you could say.Copy !req
225. So, you were an immanent vital force, eh?Copy !req
226. Oh, sounds great! What is that?Copy !req
227. So when we joked about the Hair Loss Fairy it suddenly focused on the Dean's head.Copy !req
228. You're calling things into being.Copy !req
229. I personally always wondered, if there was an Eater of Socks.Copy !req
230. You know how there's always one missing.Copy !req
231. To the laundry!Copy !req
232. Tell me again, who these people are.Copy !req
233. Some of the cleverest men in the world.Copy !req
234. And I'm sober, am I?Copy !req
235. What is that ridiculous thing on your head?Copy !req
236. I dunno, sir!Copy !req
237. What? What is it?Copy !req
238. It says here, 'If found, please return to the Tooth Fairy's castle.'Copy !req
239. At least the Tooth Fairy already existed.Copy !req
240. Tooth Fairy...Copy !req
241. Oh, you see her around a lot these days. Or them, rather.Copy !req
242. It's a sort of franchise operation to collect children's teeth in exchange for money.Copy !req
243. And she has a castle? She sounds great.Copy !req
244. Actually, I do remember one thing.Copy !req
245. When I appeared at the Hogfather's house, there was this drunken little fellow in a pointy hat.Copy !req
246. I thought it was just the drink talking, but he did mention something about...Copy !req
247. Permanent end of the patrol-servitude for the little elves! Of all fantasy personifications.Copy !req
248. including the Tooth Fairy.Copy !req
249. Where did you find this?Copy !req
250. Is he all right?Copy !req
251. I say, what is the geographical location of the Tooth Fairy's castle?Copy !req
252. Now I'm feeling all well. Can I come with you?Copy !req
253. This is not a normal situation. Look, I think I better tell you.Copy !req
254. - My grandfather is Death.
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.Copy !req
255. Death. You know, Death? The robes, the scythe, the white horse, bones.. Death.Copy !req
256. But at the moment he's acting rather strange.Copy !req
257. I just want to make sure I got this clear.Copy !req
258. You think your grandfather is Death, and you think he's acting strange.Copy !req
259. Look, Death adopted my mother. He then took on a human apprentice.Copy !req
260. They fell in love, and I'm the result.Copy !req
261. This is fascinating.Copy !req
262. Let's just say I've picked up a few, strange genetic signs on the way.Copy !req
263. Oh, that looks dangerous.Copy !req
264. I hope so.Copy !req
265. Wait, I could help you!Copy !req
266. Would you be any good in a fight?Copy !req
267. Yes, I could be sick on people!Copy !req
268. I have to sort this out.Copy !req
269. Can't have creatures popping into existence just by people talking about them.Copy !req
270. Unhygienic.Copy !req
271. So what is this implied creation, eh?Copy !req
272. Humans have always ascribed random, seasonal, natural or inexplicable actionsCopy !req
273. to human shaped entities.Copy !req
274. Such examples are the Hogfather, the Tooth Fairy and Death.Copy !req
275. All right, but I'm damn sure there's never been an Eater of Socks or an oh God of Hangovers.Copy !req
276. I think it works like this:Copy !req
277. What we're getting is personification of forces, just like Hex said.Copy !req
278. Like the Hogfather? When you're a kiddie, it's as good an explanation,Copy !req
279. as any to where the presents come from.Copy !req
280. Why is it happening now?Copy !req
281. Belief's causing new creatures to appear?Copy !req
282. You could put it like that.Copy !req
283. There's a finite quantitiy of belief in the Universe?Copy !req
284. Certainly, people're going to believe only in so many things.Copy !req
285. It follows that if a major focus of belief is removed, there would be spare belief.Copy !req
286. What are people not believing in all of a sudden?Copy !req
287. Out of cheese error? Melon, melon, melon. Redo from start!Copy !req
288. It's Hogswatch. I suppose the Hogfather is around, isn't he?Copy !req
289. I LIKE THIS JOB.Copy !req
290. Oh dear, oh dear.Copy !req
291. EXCUSE ME.Copy !req
292. YES. THIS WILL SHOW.Copy !req
293. The poor little match girls dying in the snow is all part of the spirit of Hogswatch, master.Copy !req
294. You see, people hear about it, and they say:Copy !req
295. 'we might be as poor as a disabled banana, and only can afford to eat mud and boots,Copy !req
296. but see how much better off we are than the poor little match girl?'Copy !req
297. It makes them feel happy and grateful for what they've got.Copy !req
298. I KNOW WHAT THE SPIRIT OF HOGSWATCH IS, ALBERT.Copy !req
299. You're not allowed to do that!Copy !req
300. THE HOGFATHER CAN. THE HOGFATHER GIVES PRESENTS.Copy !req
301. THERE IS NO BETTER PRESENT THAN THE FUTURE.Copy !req
302. That's it. I had enough with this pixie life.Copy !req
303. I'm waiting for the Hogfather.Copy !req
304. I'm in the dark, waiting for the Hogfather.Copy !req
305. Me. A believer in natural philosophy.Copy !req
306. I can find the square root of 27.4 in my head.Copy !req
307. I shouldn't be doing this.Copy !req
308. It's not as if I've hung a stocking up.Copy !req
309. There'd be some point if...Copy !req
310. TAKE HER SOMEWHERE WARM, AND GIVE HER A GOOD DINNER.Copy !req
311. AND I MAY WELL BE CHECKING ON LATER.Copy !req
312. Looks like we've been chosen to do a bit of charity.Copy !req
313. Well, I don't call it very charitable just dumping someone on people, like this.Copy !req
314. I dunno. Some people wouldn't know the real meaning of HogswatchCopy !req
315. if it jumps up and caught them in the grope.Copy !req
316. No!Copy !req
317. This is a child's painting.Copy !req
318. Twyla paints like that.Copy !req
319. I painted like that. Grandfather saved some of my draw-Copy !req
320. Come on, let's find the house.Copy !req
321. What house?Copy !req
322. There's always a house.Copy !req
323. I was told you're the best locksmith in the city.Copy !req
324. Yes, but locks normally don't alter themselves while you're working on them, that's what I'm saying.Copy !req
325. Are you the best, or not?Copy !req
326. No! Not the dark!Copy !req
327. Banjo! I'm getting out of here. Something's wrong with this place.Copy !req
328. I've made a big pile!Copy !req
329. You want to come with me?Copy !req
330. Pretty here.Copy !req
331. Mr. Sideney.Copy !req
332. Would he deliver to apes earlier than to humans?Copy !req
333. Interesting point, sir.Copy !req
334. Possibly, you are referring to my theory that humans may have descended from apes.Copy !req
335. A bold hypothesis, which, if the grants committee could just see their way clearCopy !req
336. to letting me hire a boat, and sail around... to the islands...Copy !req
337. I just thought, he might deliver alphabetically.Copy !req
338. LET ME SEE NOW...Copy !req
339. Who the hell are you?Copy !req
340. I'M THE HOGFATHER, OF COURSE. ER... HO, HO, HO.Copy !req
341. You look extremely thin in the face.Copy !req
342. I'M... I'M A BIT ILL.Copy !req
343. Terminately, I would say.Copy !req
344. It's a false beard!Copy !req
345. NO, IT'S NOT!Copy !req
346. It's got hooks for the ears! That must have given you a spot of trouble.Copy !req
347. A pillow!Copy !req
348. I thought there were seven locks.Copy !req
349. Yes, but they're half magic and half real and half not there.Copy !req
350. There's parts of them that don't exist all the time!Copy !req
351. I thought you could open any lock anyone ever made.Copy !req
352. Made by humans, And most dwarfs. I dunno what made these. You never said anything about magic.Copy !req
353. That's a shame. Then really I have no more need of your services. You may as well go back home.Copy !req
354. What about my money?Copy !req
355. Of course, you should get what you deserve.Copy !req
356. You must think I was born yesterday, Mr. Teacup.Copy !req
357. I'm leaving, right? With what's coming to me. And you ain't stopping me.Copy !req
358. Banjo certainly ain't.Copy !req
359. I knew his old Ma in the good old days.Copy !req
360. You think you're nasty? You think you're mean?Copy !req
361. Ma Lilywhite'd tear your ears off and spit 'em in your eye, you cocky little devil.Copy !req
362. I remembers you when you was little, Banjo. I used to sit you on my knees!Copy !req
363. Banjo!Copy !req
364. There you are.Copy !req
365. Where do all those shadows coming from? It's giving me the creeps!Copy !req
366. And it's all your fault!Copy !req
367. Oh, yeah? So it wasn't you who said, wow, ten thousand dollars, count me in?Copy !req
368. Yeah, but I didn't know there was going to be all this creepy stuff! I want to go home!Copy !req
369. You're acting like a child!Copy !req
370. Poor guy must've slipped.Copy !req
371. Yeah. He slipped.Copy !req
372. That's the Tooth Fairy's castle?Copy !req
373. It's teeth.Copy !req
374. And I should be scared?Copy !req
375. There's nothing that scary about teeth.Copy !req
376. Did I say I was scared? I must just be hung over, again.Copy !req
377. - Oh, no.
- They're only teeth?Copy !req
378. Surely, no one would try to...Copy !req
379. What is that?Copy !req
380. It's such old magic, it isn't even magic anymore.Copy !req
381. If you've got a piece of someone's hair, nail clippings or tooth,Copy !req
382. you can control them.Copy !req
383. Don't tell me someone is...Copy !req
384. - What's that shadow?
- This place is alive.Copy !req
385. And it's protecting itself.Copy !req
386. Now, what happened to the other fellow?Copy !req
387. WELL, THE HOGFATHER HAS ENEMIES.Copy !req
388. What'd he do? Miss a chimney?Copy !req
389. There's people down there, Mr. Teatime!Copy !req
390. Well, just do away with them.Copy !req
391. One of them is a girl.Copy !req
392. Then do away with them... politely.Copy !req
393. Keep going. Quicker.Copy !req
394. Aaah! It's after me! Let me out!Copy !req
395. What was that?Copy !req
396. It's finding their nightmares.Copy !req
397. Let me out! It's after me!Copy !req
398. Pull yourself together.Copy !req
399. There's nothing chasing you.Copy !req
400. I thought it was the...Copy !req
401. wardrobe.Copy !req
402. What wardrobe?Copy !req
403. When I was a kid, we had this big... wardrobe.Copy !req
404. And it had this... on the door... it had this face!Copy !req
405. And it made me... whispered things.Copy !req
406. Who's that moving up there?Copy !req
407. I think they saw us.Copy !req
408. If they are tooth fairies, there has been a really stupid equal opportunity policy.Copy !req
409. Right. You go that way, I this way.Copy !req
410. - Why don't we stay together?
- What's got into you?Copy !req
411. This is a children's place. The rules are what children believe.Copy !req
412. Well, that's a relief.Copy !req
413. You think so? It's impossible to die here.Copy !req
414. My grandfather doesn't figure in the child's world.Copy !req
415. That man who fell down the stairs looked pretty dead to me.Copy !req
416. Oh, you die. But not here. You... let's see... yes.Copy !req
417. You go somewhere else. Away.Copy !req
418. - Aren't you Sus...?
- Yes. When you came for Twyla's last tooth,Copy !req
419. you were so shocked I could see you.Copy !req
420. Look, we may not have a lot of time.Copy !req
421. Is this the Tooth Fairy?Copy !req
422. A tooth fairy.Copy !req
423. Do you drink at all?Copy !req
424. No, I don't.Copy !req
425. Not touch alcohol, at all?Copy !req
426. Never. My dad's very strict about that sort of thing.Copy !req
427. Nice castle!Copy !req
428. Can we get on?Copy !req
429. Good. Who brought you here, Violet?Copy !req
430. I don't know. Oh, but he's dressed like an assassin!Copy !req
431. OK. You two stay here, I'll go, find him.Copy !req
432. And I'll look after Violet.Copy !req
433. That's the fourth lock, open.Copy !req
434. I commend your expertise. And the others?Copy !req
435. Do you know exactly what's in here, Mr. Teatime?Copy !req
436. Logically, she's the guardian of children's beliefs. And this is her castle.Copy !req
437. And I come across as securely locked door as this,Copy !req
438. and not to thoroughly investigate woud...Copy !req
439. lack elegance.Copy !req
440. What's that sound?Copy !req
441. What sound?Copy !req
442. That sound! Like all... scissors, grating.Copy !req
443. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE AUDITORS?Copy !req
444. I suppose the Bursar might have done.Copy !req
445. NOT AUDITORS OF MONEY. AUDITORS OF REALITY.Copy !req
446. THEY'RE THE CIVIL SERVICE OF EVERYTHING.Copy !req
447. And they want to get rid of us.Copy !req
448. THEY WANT HUMANS TO BE LESS CREATIVE.Copy !req
449. THE HOGFATHER IS A SYMBOL OF THIS.Copy !req
450. STRANGE THINKING.Copy !req
451. THEY HATE THE WAY HUMANS MAKE UP STORIES ABOUT THE UNIVERSE.Copy !req
452. I can't think why. Anyway, why are you doing this job?Copy !req
453. SOMEONE MUST. IT IS VITALLY IMPORTANT.Copy !req
454. BEFORE DAWN, THERE MUST BE ENOUGH BELIEF IN THE HOGFATHER.Copy !req
455. Why?Copy !req
456. SO THAT THE SUN WILL COME UP.Copy !req
457. I SELDOM JOKE.Copy !req
458. What sort of goding do you do?Copy !req
459. Well, I'm the oh God of Hangovers.Copy !req
460. A God of Hangovers? How awful.Copy !req
461. You're more cut out to be one of those improtant gods.Copy !req
462. What's this? Lovers' Lane?Copy !req
463. You leave him alone, you! He's a god!Copy !req
464. Dear me, out of thunderbolts, are we? Well, y'know, I've never killed a...Copy !req
465. What's the matter? It is a wardrobe, yes.Copy !req
466. I don't want to see! I don't want to see!Copy !req
467. Hex was right, Archchancellor.Copy !req
468. HEX? WHO IS HEX?Copy !req
469. He's the biggest thinker in the world.Copy !req
470. I WOULD LIKE TO MEET THIS MR. HEX.Copy !req
471. Quite a large thaumic reading, gentlemen. I think he got here by magic.Copy !req
472. THEY SAY YOU ARE THE BIGGEST THINKER IN THE WORLD.Copy !req
473. BUT DO YOU ALSO BELIEVE?Copy !req
474. +++ Yes +++Copy !req
475. EXTEND LOGICALLY THE RESULT OF THE HUMAN RACE CEASING TO BELIEVE IN THE HOGFATHER.Copy !req
476. WILL THE SUN COME UP? ANSWER.Copy !req
477. +++The Sun Will Not Come Up+++Copy !req
478. CORRECT.Copy !req
479. HOW MAY THIS BE PREVENTED? ANSWER.Copy !req
480. +++Regular and Consistent Belief+++Copy !req
481. GOOD. I HAVE A TASK FOR YOU, THINKING ENGINE.Copy !req
482. BELIEVE IN THE HOGFATHER.Copy !req
483. DO YOU BELIEVE? ANSWER.Copy !req
484. DO YOU BELIEVE? ANSWER!Copy !req
485. +++YES+++Copy !req
486. GOOD.Copy !req
487. OH, NO...Copy !req
488. +++Dear Hogfather,
for Hogswatch I want...Copy !req
489. LET ME SEE. HOW OLD ARE YOU?Copy !req
490. AND HAVE YOU BEEN NAUGHTY, OR NICE?Copy !req
491. Hello.Copy !req
492. Well, well, well. What have we here?Copy !req
493. Bone handle, rather tasteless skull and bone decoration...Copy !req
494. Death himself's second favourite weapon.Copy !req
495. Am I right?Copy !req
496. Oh, my. It must be Hogswatch.Copy !req
497. This must mean that you are Susan.Copy !req
498. The famous granddaughter. Nobility. I'd bow, but I'm afraid you would do something...Copy !req
499. dreadful.Copy !req
500. Yes! Yes! Left-handed using a wooden pick! That's simple.Copy !req
501. Ah, Mr. Teatime! I've managed to open the fifth lock. Not a problem!Copy !req
502. It's just based on Woddeley's Occul Sequence.Copy !req
503. How do you know who I am?Copy !req
504. Easy. Twurp's Peerage. Family motto: 'Non temetis messor'.Copy !req
505. Your father was well known. Went a long way very fast.Copy !req
506. As for your grandfather... honestly, that motto. 'Fear Not The Reaper'.Copy !req
507. Is that good taste?Copy !req
508. Of course, you don't need to fear him, do you? Or do you?Copy !req
509. I don't know what you're talking about. Who are you, anyway?Copy !req
510. I beg your pardon. My name is Teatime, Jonathan Teatime. At your service.Copy !req
511. You mean... like around four o'clock in the afternoon?Copy !req
512. No. I did say Teh-ah-tim-eh. Please don't try to break my concentration by annoying me.Copy !req
513. How are you getting on, Mr. Sideney?Copy !req
514. If it's just according to Woddeley's sequence, number six should be copper and blue-green light.Copy !req
515. Do you think your grandfather will try to rescue you?Copy !req
516. But now I have his sword, you see. I wonder...Copy !req
517. All fingers and thumbs, Mr. Sideney?Copy !req
518. I've managed to open the sixth lock, Mr. Teatime.Copy !req
519. Really? But it may not be all important now.Copy !req
520. Thank you, anyway. You've been most helpful.Copy !req
521. Yes, you may go.Copy !req
522. Is that all you're here for? A robbery? Like a petty thief.Copy !req
523. A thief? Me? I'm not a thief, madam.Copy !req
524. No, these gentlemen are thieves.Copy !req
525. That's Medium Dave and exhibit B is Banjo. He can talk!Copy !req
526. - Who are you?
- I'm incognito!Copy !req
527. Look like a wizard to me.Copy !req
528. Did you suck your thumb when you were litle?Copy !req
529. No!Copy !req
530. That's the Scissor Man!Copy !req
531. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!Copy !req
532. Kids believe all kinds of crap! But I'm grown up now, right.Copy !req
533. No more Hogfather. And that's only the start.Copy !req
534. I'll be able to make people believe anything I want.Copy !req
535. What's this? You said no more Hogfather?Copy !req
536. He does know what we've been doing here, doesn't he?Copy !req
537. You did tell him?Copy !req
538. There's gotta be a Hogfather. There's always a Hogfather.Copy !req
539. She did it! She killed him!Copy !req
540. No, I didn't!Copy !req
541. - Did!
- Didn't!Copy !req
542. - Did!
- Didn't!Copy !req
543. - Did!Copy !req
544. What's this about the Hogfather?Copy !req
545. I don't think he's dead, but Teatime has made him very ill.Copy !req
546. Who cares? When this is over, Banjo, you'll have as many presents as you want.Copy !req
547. Trust me.Copy !req
548. There has to be a Hogfather, or there's no Hogswatch!Copy !req
549. It's just another solar festival!Copy !req
550. Banjo and me are going.Copy !req
551. Bajo! You're coming with me, right now.Copy !req
552. Grab her, Banjo. It's all her fault.Copy !req
553. Our Mom said, no hitting girls!Copy !req
554. No touchin 'em, or pullin' their hair!Copy !req
555. She's not a girl. She's a freak!Copy !req
556. I think I know you, Teatime. You're the mad kid they're all scared of, right?Copy !req
557. Banjo! I said, grab her.Copy !req
558. Our Mom said...Copy !req
559. The kid who didn't know the difference between chucking a stone at a cat,Copy !req
560. and setting it on fire.Copy !req
561. Shut up! Get her, Banjo!Copy !req
562. The kind of little boy, who looks up dolls' dresses.Copy !req
563. I didn't.Copy !req
564. - Our Mom said...
- Oh, to blazes with your mam!Copy !req
565. What'd you say about our mam?Copy !req
566. I bet no one wanted to played with you, not the kid with no friends.Copy !req
567. Banjo! You do as I tell you.Copy !req
568. Our... our mam... our mam said...Copy !req
569. Have you been a bad boy, Banjo!Copy !req
570. You've been letting him get into trouble again, eh, Davey?Copy !req
571. You have, ain't you!Copy !req
572. No, Mom! No, Mom!Copy !req
573. You need a good hiding, Banjo?Copy !req
574. Sorry, sorry, Mom!Copy !req
575. You been playing with girls again!Copy !req
576. Sorry, sorry, Mom!Copy !req
577. No Mum no Mum no Mum nooooh Mum!Copy !req
578. Oh, no! I don't think so!Copy !req
579. This place gets into your head, doesn't it?Copy !req
580. It finds out how to deal with you.Copy !req
581. But I'm in touch with my inner child. It's so much fun.Copy !req
582. No pullin' girls hair! That's bad!Copy !req
583. I'm going to have such fun with it! It's so light.Copy !req
584. You wouldn't dare use it. My grandfather will come after you!Copy !req
585. He comes after everyone.Copy !req
586. He's very single-minded.Copy !req
587. I'll be ready for him.Copy !req
588. It doesn't work here.Copy !req
589. There's no death here.Copy !req
590. Hi, inner child! I'm the inner baby sitter!Copy !req
591. Happy Hogswatch!Copy !req
592. Is he dead?Copy !req
593. He's not breathing.Copy !req
594. Breathing spell... breathing spell!Copy !req
595. Spolt's Forthright Respirator, perhaps. I think I've got it written down somewhere...Copy !req
596. Come on, chaps! Give me some space.Copy !req
597. Excuse me, excuse me! This is vitally important for the advancement of natural philosophy.Copy !req
598. Did you see any bright lights? Was there a shining tunnel? Did any deceased...Copy !req
599. What's all this, Mr Stibbons? Put the damn quill away!Copy !req
600. This must be the Unseen University.Copy !req
601. And you're all wizards.Copy !req
602. There was a sword!Copy !req
603. Oh, yes. It's fallen on the floor.Copy !req
604. Did I do that?Copy !req
605. I really must be off.Copy !req
606. He won't get far.Copy !req
607. The main doors are locked in accordance with Archchancellor Spode's Rules.Copy !req
608. Won't get far... while holding a sword that appears to be able to cut through anything.Copy !req
609. You can get into trouble, hitting girls. No playin' with girls.Copy !req
610. What can we do now?Copy !req
611. Hello, my dear.Copy !req
612. No.Copy !req
613. Sorry, dear?Copy !req
614. You're not the Tooth Fairy.Copy !req
615. Oh, I am, dear.Copy !req
616. Grandma, what big teeth you have.Copy !req
617. You've even got a shawl. Oh, dear.Copy !req
618. I don't understand, lovely.Copy !req
619. You forgot the rocking chair.Copy !req
620. I always thought there'd be a rocking chair.Copy !req
621. I don't think you're real.Copy !req
622. It's not a little, old woman in a shawl, running this place.Copy !req
623. You're out of my head.Copy !req
624. That's how you defend yourself. You poke around in people's head, and find the things...Copy !req
625. No. It's horrible, but it does not frighten me.Copy !req
626. I like spiders.Copy !req
627. Dogs, no.Copy !req
628. I like rats, rats are fine.Copy !req
629. Sorry, is anyone frightened of that?Copy !req
630. Help! I... I...Copy !req
631. You're a bogeyman, aren't you?Copy !req
632. Not 'a'. The!Copy !req
633. The first Bogeyman!Copy !req
634. You look terrible.Copy !req
635. Thank you very much.Copy !req
636. I mean ill.Copy !req
637. I used to jump out on them, and say: Boo!Copy !req
638. But then, I got to like them.Copy !req
639. Only children were frigthened of me.Copy !req
640. I mean, what's to be scared of?Copy !req
641. Bones, phoney arms...Copy !req
642. But then, I discovered that there are much worse things than me.Copy !req
643. And I wanted to protect the children.Copy !req
644. Get them safe from all the really bad things.Copy !req
645. So, I built all this, to be a safe place.Copy !req
646. And the teeth?Copy !req
647. You don't leave all those teeth around, anything could happen!Copy !req
648. Anything nearly did.Copy !req
649. So, you are the Tooth Fairy, then.Copy !req
650. Yes. I... and then they came... stealing.Copy !req
651. I'm too weak to look after them any more.Copy !req
652. You don't die here. Just get old. Listening to the laughter...Copy !req
653. Don't worry about the teeth. I'll make them safe again.Copy !req
654. I think it would be a good idea, if you did the Tooth Fairy's job, Banjo.Copy !req
655. D'ya think that be all right? Won't the Tooth Fairy mind?Copy !req
656. You... do it until she comes back.Copy !req
657. Who's gonna tell me what to do?Copy !req
658. No one's ever going to tell you what to do again, Banjo.Copy !req
659. Thanks, Miss. I'll keep the teeth safe.Copy !req
660. - Ah, Miss?
- Yes, Banjo?Copy !req
661. Can I have a puppy?Copy !req
662. I had a kitten, but our Mom's drowned it 'cause it was dirty.Copy !req
663. I think it will turn up quite soon, Banjo.Copy !req
664. Thanks, Miss.Copy !req
665. With Violet we talked about it and we thought we ought to come back and help.Copy !req
666. It's okay. They're all gone.Copy !req
667. And Banjo needed a new job.Copy !req
668. That's funny. So does Bili!Copy !req
669. Why don't you two make yourself useful, and help Banjo clear up this mess.Copy !req
670. He's pretty much running the place now.Copy !req
671. - But he's a...
- He's in charge.Copy !req
672. We'd love to help Banjo. Together.Copy !req
673. Good. Have fun. Now I'm going home.Copy !req
674. This is a hell of a way to spend Hogswatch.Copy !req
675. Grandfather, what're you doing here?Copy !req
676. IT IS NOT OVER. YOU MUST BRING THE HOGFATHER HOME.Copy !req
677. These look like the mountains where the Castle of Bones was.Copy !req
678. THEY ARE.Copy !req
679. - It's a pig!
- A BOAR.Copy !req
680. This boar is the...Copy !req
681. YES. THE HOGFATHER, AS HE BEGAN.Copy !req
682. And the dogs...Copy !req
683. THESE ARE NOT REAL DOGS. IF THEY CATCH HIM, HE WON'T JUST DIE.Copy !req
684. HE WILL NEVER BE.Copy !req
685. Well, stop them!Copy !req
686. THIS IS A HUMAN THING.Copy !req
687. THE AUDITORS ARE DESPERATE NOW.Copy !req
688. THEY ARE DETERMINED TO DESTROY THE HOGFATHER,Copy !req
689. AT WHATEVER COST.Copy !req
690. YOU MUST SAVE HIM.Copy !req
691. Come on, jump! Just you try it!Copy !req
692. Yes! Who wants some? Anyone else?Copy !req
693. HO, HO, HO.Copy !req
694. YOU COULDN'T RESIST IT IN THE END.Copy !req
695. A MISTAKE, I FANCY.Copy !req
696. IT GETS UNDER YOUR SKIN, LIFE.Copy !req
697. SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY, OF COURSE.Copy !req
698. AND, YOU SEE, THE MORE YOU STRUGGLE FOR EVERY MOMENT,Copy !req
699. THE MORE ALIVE YOU STAY.Copy !req
700. WHICH IS WHERE I COME IN, AS A MATTER OF FACT.Copy !req
701. You can't do this! There are rules!Copy !req
702. YES. THERE ARE RULES. BUT YOU BROKE THEM!Copy !req
703. HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU!Copy !req
704. AND NOW, THERE REMAINS ONLY ONE, FINAL QUESTION...Copy !req
705. HAVE YOU BEEN NAUGHTY, OR NICE?Copy !req
706. HO. HO. HO.Copy !req
707. We saved you.Copy !req
708. Dying isn't how it's supposed to go.Copy !req
709. OH. SORRY.Copy !req
710. Well. That about wraps it up for this dress.Copy !req
711. I'd just like to ask, purely out of academic interest,Copy !req
712. you were sure I was going to survive, were you?Copy !req
713. I WAS QUITE CONFIDENT.Copy !req
714. Good. Now, tell me...Copy !req
715. WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU HADN'T SAVED HIM?Copy !req
716. Yes.Copy !req
717. THE SUN WOULD NOT HAVE RISEN.Copy !req
718. Then what would have happened?Copy !req
719. A MERE BALL OF FLAMING GAS WOULD HAVE ILLUMINATED THE WORLD.Copy !req
720. All right, I'm not stupid.Copy !req
721. You're sayint that humans need fantasies to make life bearable.Copy !req
722. NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN.Copy !req
723. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.Copy !req
724. With Tooth Fairies? Hogfathers?Copy !req
725. YES. THAT'S PRACTICE.Copy !req
726. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.Copy !req
727. So we can believe the big ones?Copy !req
728. YES. JUSTICE, MERCY, DUTY, THAT SORT OF THING.Copy !req
729. They're not the same at all.Copy !req
730. YOU THINK SO?Copy !req
731. THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER,Copy !req
732. AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE,Copy !req
733. AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE,Copy !req
734. ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY.Copy !req
735. AND YET...Copy !req
736. YOU TRY TO ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD.Copy !req
737. AS IF THERE IS SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE,Copy !req
738. BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.Copy !req
739. But people have got to believe that. What's the point?Copy !req
740. YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN THINGS THAT AREN'T TRUE.Copy !req
741. HOW ELSE CAN THEY BECOME?Copy !req
742. WOULD YOU LIKE TO VISIT FOR HOGSWATCH DINNER?Copy !req
743. ALBERT IS FRYING A PUDDING.Copy !req
744. I... er... they're really expecting me here.Copy !req
745. Would you like a drink before you go?Copy !req
746. A CUP OF COCOA WOULD BE APPROPRIATE IN THE CIRCUMSTANCES.Copy !req
747. Right. There are biscuits in the tin on the mantlepiece.Copy !req
748. Susan's got a poker, you know.Copy !req
749. MY GOODNESS ME.Copy !req
750. I thought all of you knew that by now.Copy !req
751. INDEED.Copy !req
752. Last week she picked a bogey up by its nose.Copy !req
753. I'll give Gawain his stocking and then I'll come and watch.Copy !req
754. SUSAN?Copy !req
755. Well, well, now this is unexpected. A family affair?Copy !req
756. I wonder, is it possible to kill Death?Copy !req
757. This must be a very special sword.Copy !req
758. And it certainly works here.Copy !req
759. And of course, it might well not be regarded as murder.Copy !req
760. Possibly it is a civic act.Copy !req
761. It would be, as they say... the Big One.Copy !req
762. You may have some personal knowledge about your vulnerability,Copy !req
763. but I'm pretty certain that Susan here would quite definitely die.Copy !req
764. So I'd rather you didn't try any last-minute stuff.Copy !req
765. I AM LAST MINUTE STUFF.Copy !req
766. I don't remember them asking for anything that made a noise.Copy !req
767. OH, THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING IN THE STOCKING THAT MAKES A NOISE.Copy !req
768. OTHERWISE WHAT IS 4.30 A.M. FOR?Copy !req
769. There are children? Oh yes, of course. Call them!Copy !req
770. Certainly not.Copy !req
771. It will be instructive. Educational.Copy !req
772. And when your adversary is Death, you cannot help but be the good guy.Copy !req
773. Call them.Copy !req
774. Gawain, Twyla!Copy !req
775. Come in, come in, curly-haired tots!Copy !req
776. I've caught this bogeyman.Copy !req
777. What shall we do with him, eh?Copy !req
778. It's only a skeleton.Copy !req
779. Yes, a nasty, creepy, horrible skeleton. Scary, ah?Copy !req
780. He's eating a biscuit.Copy !req
781. A creepy bony man in a black robe.Copy !req
782. You're fidgeting with that kettle.Copy !req
783. So I expect you're thinking of doing something creative.Copy !req
784. Put it down, please. Slowly.Copy !req
785. Huh, that's not very creepy, it's just bones.Copy !req
786. It's just standing there. It's not even making woo-woo noises.Copy !req
787. And anyway you're creepy. Your eye's weird.Copy !req
788. Really? Then let's see how creepy I can be.Copy !req
789. Oh, no. It could not have gone through you.Copy !req
790. So many ribs, and things...Copy !req
791. It only kills monsters.Copy !req
792. Stop time, now!Copy !req
793. You winked at me. I thought you had a plan!Copy !req
794. INDEED, OH YES. I PLANNED TO SEE WHAT YOU'D DO.Copy !req
795. What?Copy !req
796. I DID ADD THE SPARKLY STARS AND THE NOISE, THOUGH.Copy !req
797. I THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE APPROPRIATE.Copy !req
798. And if I hadn't done anything?Copy !req
799. I DARESAY I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF SOMETHING.Copy !req
800. AT THE LAST MINUTE.Copy !req
801. That was the last minute.Copy !req
802. THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR ANOTHER LAST MINUTE.Copy !req
803. STOP PLAYING DEAD, MISTER TEH-AH-TIM-EH.Copy !req
804. You got it right!Copy !req
805. OF COURSE.Copy !req
806. I'LL TAKE THE BODY. THAT WILL PREVENT INCONVENIENT QUESTIONS.Copy !req
807. YOU DID KNOW THE POKER WOULD GO THROUGH ME?Copy !req
808. I was quite confident.Copy !req
809. I'VE MADE THIS FOR YOU.Copy !req
810. Thank you. Er... what is it?Copy !req
811. ALBERT SAID THERE OUGHT TO BE SNOW ON IT,Copy !req
812. BUT IT APPEARS TO HAVE MELTED.Copy !req
813. IT IS, OF COURSE, A HOGSWATCH CARD.Copy !req
814. THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A ROBIN ON IT AS WELL,Copy !req
815. BUT I HAD CONSIDERABLE DIFFICULTY IN GETTING IT TO STAY ON.Copy !req
816. IT WAS NOT AT ALL CO-OPERATIVE.Copy !req
817. Really?Copy !req
818. IT DID NOT SEEM TO GET INTO THE HOGSWATCH SPIRIT AT ALL.Copy !req
819. Thank you.Copy !req
820. Granddad?Copy !req
821. YES?Copy !req
822. Why? I mean, why did you do all this?Copy !req
823. HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING.Copy !req
824. DO YOU KNOW THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS,Copy !req
825. THEY'VE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM?Copy !req
826. QUITE ASTONISHING.Copy !req
827. NOW THEN...Copy !req
828. HAPPY HOGSWATCH!Copy !req
829. Yes. Granddad! Happy Hogswatch.Copy !req
830. HAPPY HOGSWATCH, AND GOOD NIGHT, CHILDREN EVERYWHERE!Copy !req
831. Hello, hello!Copy !req
832. YOU HAVE A BIG, WOODEN ROCKING HORSE IN THE WINDOW.Copy !req
833. Yes, yes. That's a special order for Lord Lotten...Copy !req
834. HOW MUCH WOULD HIS LORDSHIP HAVE PAID YOU?Copy !req
835. Twelve dollars.Copy !req
836. I'LL GIVE YOU FIFTY.Copy !req
837. Would you like me to wrap it up for you, sir?Copy !req
838. NO. I'LL TAKE IT AS IT IS, THANK YOU.Copy !req
839. INCIDENTALLY, THERE'S A SMALL BOY OUT THERE,Copy !req
840. WITH HIS NOSE FROZEN TO THE WINDOW.Copy !req
841. SOME WARM WATER SHOULD DO THE TRICK.Copy !req
842. Happy Hogswatch, sir!Copy !req