1. Still got the serum?Copy !req
2. Right here.Copy !req
3. And that's how
your parents,Copy !req
4. got the orchid serumCopy !req
5. out of the Forbidden JungleCopy !req
6. and brought it back
to save the villageCopy !req
7. from the sleeping
sickness, Arnold.Copy !req
8. When they get out
of the jungle
just in time,Copy !req
9. that's my favorite part.
Then what happened, Grandpa?Copy !req
10. No, no, no.
I'll tell you tomorrow.Copy !req
11. Same time, same place.Copy !req
12. Ah, just one more story?Copy !req
13. No, always leave 'em
asking for more, Shortman.Copy !req
14. Good night.Copy !req
15. Boys and girls,
I'm passing out
another flyerCopy !req
16. to remind you about
Parents' Tournament Weekend.Copy !req
17. Parents' Tournament WeekendCopy !req
18. will be a heartfelt
celebration of those
special people.Copy !req
19. Your moms and dads.
who take the responsibilityCopy !req
20. to raise, to teach,
and protect you.Copy !req
21. Cut to the chase, Simmons.
What are the prizes?Copy !req
22. The team with
the highest scoreCopy !req
23. will win this handsome trophy.
Ooh!Copy !req
24. And the second and third
place winners will get
these attractive ribbons.Copy !req
25. Are you coming
too, Arnold?Copy !req
26. I mean, by bringing
your grandma
and grandpa as parents?Copy !req
27. Since you don't have no...Copy !req
28. Ow!
Shh. Stinky!Copy !req
29. MR.
So, tell your parents.Copy !req
30. You need
a good night's sleep
boys and girls.Copy !req
31. The festivities
start first thing
tomorrow morning!Copy !req
32. Man, I can't wait
for the parents'
tournament, Arnold.Copy !req
33. It's gonna be a blast.Copy !req
34. Sack races, egg tosses,Copy !req
35. that gladiator
triathlon thing.Copy !req
36. I don't think
I want to go, though.Copy !req
37. Huh? Why not?Copy !req
38. Everyone's gonna be there
with their parents.Copy !req
39. I've just got
my grandparents.Copy !req
40. What, are you crazy?Copy !req
41. Your grandma is
a karate master.Copy !req
42. And your grandpa can
bench-press 210 pounds.Copy !req
43. They're the coolest
grandparents I know.Copy !req
44. You guys will kick butt on it.Copy !req
45. All the same.Copy !req
46. I hope grandma and grandpaCopy !req
47. forgot about
the parents' tournament.Copy !req
48. Ninety-seven.Copy !req
49. Ninety-eight.Copy !req
50. Ninety-nine.
(DOOR OPENS)Copy !req
51. One hundred!Copy !req
52. Okay, Pookie, you can
get off me now.Copy !req
53. Hey, Arnold!Copy !req
54. Can't wait to take down
the young whippersnappersCopy !req
55. at Parents' Tournament
Weekend tomorrow.Copy !req
56. Right, Pookie?
Hai!Copy !req
57. Come in.Copy !req
58. So, where did we
leave off, Shortman?Copy !req
59. Ooh, that's right.
Your mom and dadCopy !req
60. made it out
of the jungle alive.Copy !req
61. Grandpa, please,
could we skip
story tonight?Copy !req
62. (GASPS) What? Are you
sick, or something?Copy !req
63. You sure you don't
want a story?Copy !req
64. Yeah. I'm sure.Copy !req
65. I really just
want to go to sleep.Copy !req
66. Oh, I get it.Copy !req
67. Pretty nervous about
the competition, huh?Copy !req
68. Well, don't worry, Arnold.Copy !req
69. We'll strike fear and terrorCopy !req
70. in the hearts
of your little classmates!Copy !req
71. ♪ Arnold, Arnold
He's our manCopy !req
72. ♪ Who's the best?
East or WestCopy !req
73. Quite a lineup you
got there, football head.Copy !req
74. Ha! We gotta beat
these characters?Copy !req
75. Ha-ha! The trophy is
practically ours.Copy !req
76. See this? You're gonna
be looking at itCopy !req
77. crossing the finish line,
Pataki.Copy !req
78. MR.
Good morning, P.S. 118
fourth-grade classCopy !req
79. and all you parents!Copy !req
80. Welcome to our first-ever
Parents' Tournament Weekend.Copy !req
81. Eugene.Copy !req
82. (SCREAMS) Ow.Copy !req
83. I'm okay.Copy !req
84. At the end of
this weekend,
one lucky familyCopy !req
85. will take home this trophy.Copy !req
86. You're all winners, of course.Copy !req
87. Whoever wins the trophy
is best parent.Copy !req
88. (ALL CHEERING)
No, no, no.
You don't understand.Copy !req
89. This isn't that kind
of competition.Copy !req
90. Everybody wins
this weekend.Copy !req
91. The trophy is more
of a symbol, really.Copy !req
92. (SCOFFS)
What a tea cozy.Copy !req
93. I doubt if there's
a handful of gutsCopy !req
94. in this whole
stinkin' crowd.Copy !req
95. What are you looking at?
(GASPS)Copy !req
96. Ready, Helga?Copy !req
97. Let's kick some butt.Copy !req
98. Let the games begin!Copy !req
99. All right!Copy !req
100. Okay, at present,
Gerald's team
is in third place.Copy !req
101. Phoebe's and Arnold's teams
are tied for second.Copy !req
102. And the team
to beat is Helga's.Copy !req
103. You must be tired, Grandpa.Copy !req
104. You sure you don't want
to sit this one out?Copy !req
105. Are you kidding?Copy !req
106. I'm just getting
my second wind.Copy !req
107. Okay, we've come to
the final competition
of the day.Copy !req
108. The egg toss relay race.Copy !req
109. Teammates, you must
keep tossing your eggsCopy !req
110. back and forth
to each otherCopy !req
111. until we're down
to two contestants.Copy !req
112. Boy, that guy loves
to hear himself talk,
doesn't he?Copy !req
113. Okay, come on, you two.
We gotta strategize.Copy !req
114. Where were you
on that last race,
Helga?Copy !req
115. We should have
won by a mile.Copy !req
116. You better not
let me down, girl.Copy !req
117. What do you mean
let you down?Copy !req
118. Listen, I am taking time off
from my busy scheduleCopy !req
119. running a Beeper empireCopy !req
120. to show up here today.Copy !req
121. So I deserve to win
that Best-Parent trophy.Copy !req
122. Losing it is unacceptable.Copy !req
123. Dad, this just in.
We're ahead!Copy !req
124. That's exactly
the kind of attitude
that breeds losers.Copy !req
125. You got me?Copy !req
126. Loud and clear, Bob.Copy !req
127. You're the man.Copy !req
128. We gotta win you
that trophy.Copy !req
129. There. That's the kind
of attitude I want to see.Copy !req
130. Isn't this fun?Copy !req
131. Three teams remain.Copy !req
132. Phoebe, Helga, and Arnold.Copy !req
133. Brilliant catch, my love.Copy !req
134. Ha! Nice job,
football head.Copy !req
135. You couldn't
catch a cold!Copy !req
136. You loser!
You couldn't...Copy !req
137. Hey, heads up!
Huh?Copy !req
138. For crying out loud, Helga,
what's the matter with you?Copy !req
139. Keep your eye on the egg,
not your opponent.Copy !req
140. We are not gonna
let some orphan boyCopy !req
141. and his ancestorsCopy !req
142. win this parents'
weekend thing.Copy !req
143. You understand?
Dad!Copy !req
144. What?Copy !req
145. Heads up,
Shortman. Attaboy!Copy !req
146. Phoebe!Copy !req
147. Arnold, you look like
you've been poleaxed.Copy !req
148. What in the Sam Hill
happened out there?Copy !req
149. Nothing, Grandpa.Copy !req
150. I just got
turned around.Copy !req
151. That's all.Copy !req
152. That trophy better
not slip out of
my fingers, Helga.Copy !req
153. You got that?
Victory will be mine.Copy !req
154. (SCOFFS) Victory.Copy !req
155. What price
a victory?Copy !req
156. A trophy is
an empty mockery
if my dad wins it.Copy !req
157. What's the point of winningCopy !req
158. if it means hurting
the one thing I love
most in life.Copy !req
159. My beloved
parentless Arnold.Copy !req
160. I've got it!Copy !req
161. I'll go apologize
for my dadCopy !req
162. and then I'll be
conscience-freeCopy !req
163. to beat Arnold tomorrow.Copy !req
164. What a great plan.Copy !req
165. Hey, football head.
Wait up.Copy !req
166. What, Helga?Copy !req
167. I just want to say that,Copy !req
168. I mean, I like an insult
just as much as the next guy,Copy !req
169. but back there
when my DadCopy !req
170. said that thing about
you being an orphan...Copy !req
171. Yeah, I remember.Copy !req
172. Yeah, I guess maybe
it went too far.Copy !req
173. I gotta get going.Copy !req
174. I mean, you know
you don't have parents.Copy !req
175. You don't need my dad
pointing it out to you.Copy !req
176. I mean, it's tough enough
being all alone in the world.Copy !req
177. Thanks, Helga.Copy !req
178. So, you okay?Copy !req
179. Sure.
Good.Copy !req
180. 'Cause tomorrow
I'm gonna kick your butt!Copy !req
181. I think that
went very well.Copy !req
182. ♪ Oh give me a homeCopy !req
183. More kidney bean sticks?Copy !req
184. Why, you ain't even
touched your first helping.Copy !req
185. I guess I ate a lot
at the festival.Copy !req
186. Ooh, no harm in that.Copy !req
187. Festival food
is good for you.Copy !req
188. Especially that pink
fluffy junk on a stick.Copy !req
189. I'll take some more
of them beans, Pookie.Copy !req
190. I need plenty of fuel
to wipe the floorCopy !req
191. with that Pataki
character tomorrow.Copy !req
192. Um, Grandpa.Copy !req
193. About the tournament,
I'd rather not
go back tomorrow.Copy !req
194. You think we could
do something else?Copy !req
195. Uh-oh.Copy !req
196. I sense another one of your
"Oh, so painfully illuminating
boyhood" problems.Copy !req
197. Fess up, Arnold.Copy !req
198. It's just that parents'
tournament weekend,Copy !req
199. it's for kids
and their parents.Copy !req
200. And yet, you and Grandma
are great and everythingCopy !req
201. but you're not
actually my parents.Copy !req
202. I don't know
if I belong there.Copy !req
203. Oh, Arnold.Copy !req
204. Anyway, I think
I'm too full for dessert.Copy !req
205. Good night.Copy !req
206. I made a
raspberry cobbler.Copy !req
207. No, thanks.Copy !req
208. Night, Arnold.
Night, Arnold.Copy !req
209. Now...
Now what, Pookie?Copy !req
210. You better go
talk to him, Phil.Copy !req
211. I don't know.Copy !req
212. Somehow I don't think
another bedtime storyCopy !req
213. about his parents
is gonna fix this.Copy !req
214. He needs you, Phil.Copy !req
215. You better go
talk to him, anyway.Copy !req
216. Okay, wish me luck.Copy !req
217. You okay, Shortman?Copy !req
218. Come in, Grandpa.Copy !req
219. I take it you don't want
to hear this storyCopy !req
220. about how your parents
saved the entire countryCopy !req
221. of Sri Lanka
from fire ants.Copy !req
222. Do you? No.Copy !req
223. How about the time
when they were acrobats
in the Peking midget circusCopy !req
224. and the big top burned down...Copy !req
225. You don't want to.Copy !req
226. I guess I'm plumb out of
good stories.Copy !req
227. Tell me the real story
this time, Grandpa.Copy !req
228. I want to know
what really happened
to my parents.Copy !req
229. Oh, dear.Copy !req
230. Are you sure, Arnold?Copy !req
231. Yes, I'm sure.Copy !req
232. All right, then.
Here goes.Copy !req
233. Your father really was
a scientist, you know.Copy !req
234. And he was
a doctor, too.Copy !req
235. One day, he was hiking
with his expedition.Copy !req
236. looking for
a rare tropical plantCopy !req
237. that could cure
a terrible disease.Copy !req
238. But then Dr. Iron Claw,Copy !req
239. with his evil plot to overtake
the entire world...Copy !req
240. Grandpa.Copy !req
241. Yeah, I told you...
That's right.
You wanted the truth.Copy !req
242. Well, anyway,
your father was
on an expedition.Copy !req
243. Look at that cloud.Copy !req
244. It's just like a sailboat.
A schooner.Copy !req
245. Fifty miles
into the jungleCopy !req
246. and he's looking
at schooners
in the clouds.Copy !req
247. My friend, you are
a true romantic.Copy !req
248. A romantic?Copy !req
249. The ladies must be
crazy for you.Copy !req
250. Are you kidding?Copy !req
251. I'll never find a girl
who'll put up with meCopy !req
252. wandering like this
all over the planet.Copy !req
253. Oh,
look at that cloud!Copy !req
254. Isn't it beautiful?Copy !req
255. It's like a sailboat.
A clipper.Copy !req
256. It's more of
a schooner, really.Copy !req
257. Yeah, if you
couldn't tell a schooner
from a clipper ship.Copy !req
258. Hello.Copy !req
259. Hello.Copy !req
260. Aye, aye, aye.Copy !req
261. They were
so much alike,
your mom and dad.Copy !req
262. I never saw
anything like it.Copy !req
263. Eduardo!Copy !req
264. You can relax.
The cavalry is here.Copy !req
265. You always hang around
on mountainsides?Copy !req
266. You sure you landed
on your shoulder?Copy !req
267. As opposed to my heart?Copy !req
268. They all
helped your dad
and his friendCopy !req
269. get down
to a safe place
before dark.Copy !req
270. They were meant
for each other, Shortman.Copy !req
271. They traveled around
the world together.Copy !req
272. So, all that stuff
about flying planesCopy !req
273. and exploring jungles
was true?Copy !req
274. Yep.
You didn't make it up.Copy !req
275. Well, I may have
exaggerated some parts.Copy !req
276. That stuff about
the midget circus
I mostly made up.Copy !req
277. I was drawing on
my own experiences.Copy !req
278. You wanted a lot of
bedtime stories, Arnold,Copy !req
279. and I needed
a lot of material.Copy !req
280. I guess I understand.Copy !req
281. But they were
really good peopleCopy !req
282. and they sure
loved each other.Copy !req
283. That's why they
decided to get married
and have you.Copy !req
284. So, what happened to them?Copy !req
285. Where are they now, Grandpa?Copy !req
286. Hmm, you don't
remember, do you?Copy !req
287. You were just
a little fella.Copy !req
288. Good boy, Arnold.
You can make it.Copy !req
289. That's my boy.
You did it.Copy !req
290. One day,
your dad's old friend
Eduardo came to see them.Copy !req
291. It seems
there was a diseaseCopy !req
292. wiping out whole villages
in the remotest parts
of his country.Copy !req
293. Villages that hadn't
seen an outsiderCopy !req
294. since your parents used
to fly in with medicine.Copy !req
295. I'm sorry, Eduardo.Copy !req
296. We have a baby boy now.Copy !req
297. That part of
our lives is over.Copy !req
298. We can't go
with you, my friend.Copy !req
299. But, you two
are my last hope.Copy !req
300. These mountain people
may die out forever.Copy !req
301. Please, my old friend.
I'm begging you.Copy !req
302. For the sake
of the children.Copy !req
303. One last mission, please.Copy !req
304. We won't be
gone long, I promise.Copy !req
305. You be a good boy for
grandpa and grandma, okay?Copy !req
306. We'll be back
next week,
little buddy.Copy !req
307. Then I'll take you
to the park.Copy !req
308. Mommy loves you so much.Copy !req
309. Daddy loves you, Arnold.Copy !req
310. Bye, Mommy.Copy !req
311. Bye, Daddy.Copy !req
312. And so,
they loaded up their planeCopy !req
313. and took off
for one last time.Copy !req
314. What happened
to 'em, Grandpa?Copy !req
315. They never came back.Copy !req
316. Never heard
from them again.Copy !req
317. What about
their plane?Copy !req
318. It was never found.Copy !req
319. So, they could
just be lost.Copy !req
320. And maybe some day,
they might come back.Copy !req
321. Well, I suppose that's
possible, Arnold.Copy !req
322. It's not very likely,
but it is possible.Copy !req
323. (SIGHS) Grandpa.
Thanks for telling me
the truth.Copy !req
324. You're growing up,
aren't you, Shortman?Copy !req
325. Mommy! Daddy!Copy !req
326. Mommy! Daddy!Copy !req
327. Mommy! Daddy!Copy !req
328. Ooh, what are you
doing out of bed,
Shortman?Copy !req
329. I'm scared. I can't find
my mommy and daddy.Copy !req
330. Oh, now, don't cry,
you poor little fella.Copy !req
331. Hey, how about
I tell youCopy !req
332. a warm mythical
bedtime story tonight?Copy !req
333. Yeah, that's the ticket.Copy !req
334. Did I ever tell you
about the time
your mom and dadCopy !req
335. worked for
a midget circus
in Peking?Copy !req
336. No. Tell me the story.Copy !req
337. Why? They're
natural born acrobats
your mom and dad.Copy !req
338. They can walk
a high wireCopy !req
339. just like strolling
down the sidewalk.Copy !req
340. It comes from years
of crossing rope bridges
in Mozambique.Copy !req
341. That's a country
in Africa, you know.Copy !req
342. Say, Tex.Copy !req
343. What's a cowpoke like you
doing without his horse?Copy !req
344. Climb on my back, ol' peep.Copy !req
345. Say, "Giddy-up."Copy !req
346. Giddy-up.Copy !req
347. Attaboy Arnold.
That's the right stuff.Copy !req
348. (YELLING) Off we go
into the wild blue yonder!Copy !req
349. This oatmeal was
awfully runny, Pookie.Copy !req
350. That's because
it's miso soup.Copy !req
351. You need
warrior strengthCopy !req
352. on the field
of battle today, Yuanshen San.Copy !req
353. Uh, Pookie,Copy !req
354. I think we better forget about
the parents' tournament.Copy !req
355. I talked to
Arnold last night.Copy !req
356. Morning, Grandpa.
Morning, Grandma.Copy !req
357. Oh, hi, Arnold.Copy !req
358. I didn't hear you
coming now.Copy !req
359. Sleep well?Copy !req
360. Sort of. I had some
interesting dreams.Copy !req
361. You still thinking
of that story I told you
about your parents?Copy !req
362. Yeah, I am.Copy !req
363. Well, then,
you got any ideasCopy !req
364. what you'd like
to do today?Copy !req
365. Go fishing maybe,
or down to the aquarium?Copy !req
366. I was thinking.Copy !req
367. Maybe we can go back
to the parents' tournament.Copy !req
368. Really? But I thought
you said it was just for
kids with actual parents.Copy !req
369. Yeah, but for me,
that means you and Grandma.Copy !req
370. Then it's time to
man the battle stations.Copy !req
371. We'll fight 'em
in the trenches.Copy !req
372. We'll fight 'em
on the beaches.Copy !req
373. We'll give em heck, Harry.Copy !req
374. That's right,
we're a team!Copy !req
375. Nothing can stop us!Copy !req
376. I'm gonna
win that trophyCopy !req
377. or my name is
not Big Bob Pataki.Copy !req
378. and nothing
is gonna stop us.Copy !req
379. Welcome back,
parents, kids,Copy !req
380. to our final day of
Parents' Tournament Weekend.Copy !req
381. There she goes!Copy !req
382. You can do it, Pookie!Copy !req
383. I want some hustle
in it, Miriam. Come on.Copy !req
384. I'm doing the best
I can, B.Copy !req
385. Come on. The old bag
and the orphan
can't beat you.Copy !req
386. It's "best parent" dayCopy !req
387. not "screw everything up"
day, Miriam.Copy !req
388. I beg your pardon?Copy !req
389. Just get the kid
on my back.Copy !req
390. I'm sorry,
Mr. Pataki.Copy !req
391. But dropping
your daughter
disqualifies youCopy !req
392. in this competition.Copy !req
393. What are you
telling me for?Copy !req
394. Miriam is the one
who dropped her.Copy !req
395. I'm sorry, Mr. Pataki.Copy !req
396. Those are the rulesCopy !req
397. and I'm gonna leave now.Copy !req
398. Dad, just forget
about it, okay?Copy !req
399. Don't tell me
to forget about it,
little lady.Copy !req
400. And for
the ultimate challenge,Copy !req
401. We have the triathlon,Copy !req
402. where the contestants
must pass the batons
to their teammatesCopy !req
403. in a series
of grueling eventsCopy !req
404. ending in the balance beam
gelatin joust.Copy !req
405. I made that up.Copy !req
406. First teams up
are Helga's and...Copy !req
407. The oldest living Americans.Copy !req
408. Ha! I'll let you know
I'm the second oldest.Copy !req
409. She's the oldest.Copy !req
410. On your mark,
get set, go!Copy !req
411. Go, Grandma. Go, go!Copy !req
412. That gelatin mold
has got your name
on it, Pataki.Copy !req
413. Give me
your best shot, Gramps.Copy !req
414. I'll let you
have one for free.Copy !req
415. I don't need
your charity.Copy !req
416. Float like
a butterfly.Copy !req
417. Sting like a bee,
I always say.Copy !req
418. Okay. No more
Mr. Nice Guy.Copy !req
419. Careful,
I only have one hipCopy !req
420. and it's
in my other pants.Copy !req
421. He's down.Copy !req
422. It's all over, people.Copy !req
423. Wait. Arnold's grandpa
hasn't fallen off.Copy !req
424. He's still in the game,Copy !req
425. unless his body touches
the gelatin dessert.Copy !req
426. Wait. I'll check,
Mr. Simmons.Copy !req
427. Go for my dad's ankles.Copy !req
428. They're already loaded
down to the max.Copy !req
429. What do you know?
He's still in the clear.Copy !req
430. Whoopsie daisy!Copy !req
431. What? Back for more, are you?Copy !req
432. Go ahead.
Make my day.Copy !req
433. Hold it. Did I hear
a beeper go off?Copy !req
434. Now, I've totaled up
the scores from both days,Copy !req
435. the winners with
the highest combined scoreCopy !req
436. are Phoebe, Reba
and Kyo Heyerdahl.Copy !req
437. Hey, Phoebe!Copy !req
438. Helga!Copy !req
439. A little help? Come on.Copy !req