Hey Arnold! 5x4

1. Here we go. Arnold!

2. Hey, Arnold!

3. Hey, Arnold!

4. Arnold.

5. Arnold.

6. (SIREN WAILING) Arnold.

7. Arnold.

8. Move it, football head!

9. Hey, Arnold!

10. I'm telling you, Sid, you can't dribble.

11. What are you taking about? Look, I can dribble.

12. Hey, what's that?

13. Oh, man!

14. 3,936...

15. $3,937.

16. We're rich! We're rich!

17. That's $1,312 each. Plus change.

18. I guess we should turn it into the police.

19. Huh? It's not our money.

20. Somebody obviously lost it.

21. We don't know that.

22. Maybe they threw it away.

23. How would anyone throw away $3,937?

24. Maybe they just didn't want the money.

25. Or maybe they had so much money, they were sick of it all.

26. And they just decided to throw it in the trash

27. so they could live a simpler and more carefree life.

28. Come on, Sid. Do you really believe that?

29. Yes. Yes, I do.

30. Look, we have to turn the money in.

31. Besides, there might be a reward.

32. He's right, Sid. Okay, okay.

33. If we have to get all moral about it.

34. Let's go down to the police station right now.

35. The sooner we get there, the sooner we get our reward money.

36. Wait a second! I can't go now.

37. It's my dad's birthday, and I promised him I'd be home by 5:00.

38. Okay, then Gerald and I can...

39. What about me? We all found the money.

40. It's not fair to leave me out of the big moment when we turn it in.

41. Well, I guess we could do it in the morning.

42. We could meet at the police station at 8:00 and turn it in.

43. What are we gonna do with the money till then?

44. I'll take it home. Maybe I should.

45. No. If I can't take it home, why should you take it home?

46. All right. How about we let Arnold take it home?

47. It's okay with me. You guys trust me, right?

48. Sure I trust you. Okay, why not.

49. We can trust Arnold. I mean, after all,

50. Arnold is the most honest guy around.

51. Thank you, young man.

52. $3,937.

53. Show him, Arnold.

54. Bird seed? (ALL GASP)

55. Oh, no. Oh that lady on the bus, she must've taken my bag by mistake.

56. What are you talking about? Where's our money?

57. There was an old lady and...

58. And she had a peg leg and pink hair and one eyebrow,

59. and she had all these little plastic bags with her and she...

60. She must've taken my bag by mistake.

61. A lady with a peg leg and one eyebrow?

62. And pink hair. That is the craziest story I've ever heard.

63. Well, I know it sounds a little weird, but it's true.

64. I'm really sorry. I don't know what else to say.

65. An old lady with a peg leg...

66. One eyebrow and pink hair. Carrying a bunch of plastic bags

67. just like the one with our money in it.

68. Doesn't that sound just a little suspicious to you?

69. In know it sounds weird but Arnold wouldn't make something like that up.

70. I mean, he's as honest as the day is long.

71. He's true blue. $3,937, Gerald.

72. I mean, think about it.

73. So then he says, "Oh, there was a crazy old lady on the bus

74. "with pink hair, and a peg leg, and one eyebrow.

75. "She must've taken the money by mistake."

76. Pink hair and one eyebrow?

77. That's insane!

78. I'm telling you. He made the whole thing up so he could keep all the money.

79. Arnold is the most dishonest guy around.

80. He's so crummy. (ALL CHATTERING)

81. You think you know a person and then they do something like this.

82. (SHUSHING) Here he comes.

83. Where'd you get the new watch?

84. Oh, my grandpa gave it to me.

85. Oh, really? Your grandpa happened to give you a brand new,

86. very expensive watch

87. the day after you claim you lost the $3,937

88. we found, to an old lady with pink hair,

89. a peg leg and one eyebrow!

90. Well, actually, he gave it to me last month.

91. I just haven't worn it till today.

92. And you expect me to believe that?

93. Yes. Yes, I do.

94. A brand new watch. You think that's a coincidence?

95. I know it's little strange, but...

96. $3,937, Gerald.

97. Think about it.

98. Pretty fancy shoes, Arnold. Your grandpa gave them to you?

99. I've worn these shoes before, Sid.

100. Sure, Arnold. Sure.

101. New watch, new shoes.

102. That's probably just a coincidence.

103. Or it's proof that Arnold stole our $3,937.

104. Think about it.

105. You wanna go to the arcade?

106. Uh... I don't know. I kinda made plans.

107. I, uh, I promised Timberly that I'd uh, I'd play "Old Maid" with her.

108. "Old Maid?" You hate that game.

109. Yeah, well, you know, I mean,

110. she's my sister and I promised her, so... you know.

111. Well, maybe tomorrow.

112. Yeah, sure. (HESITATINGLY) Maybe tomorrow.

113. Where's you get the ten spot?

114. Oh, it's from my birthday.

115. Your birthday was six months ago.

116. How many birthdays do you have in a year?

117. I've been saving it.

118. Why won't you just break $100, Arnold?

119. I mean, what's a hundred out of $3,937?

120. Take it easy, Sid.

121. It's our money and he stole it.

122. I didn't steal anything.

123. Liar! You stole it and you know it.

124. You're a rat, Arnold. A rat fink. You're all witnesses.

125. Arnold stole our money. He's a rat. A rat fink.

126. Hey, Gerald, you wanna play catch?

127. Uh... I can't. I have to help my mom with some wallpapering.

128. Gerald, what's wrong? Nothing.

129. I mean, nothing's wrong. I don't know what you mean.

130. You've been avoiding me. Making up excuses

131. every time I ask you if you wanna do stuff.

132. Really? I, uh... I haven't noticed.

133. It's about the money, isn't it?

134. Look, I told you what happened.

135. I know it sounds weird but it's the truth.

136. All right. Yeah, it's the truth. I know.

137. But you don't believe me.

138. I didn't say that.

139. But you don't, do you?

140. I don't... I don't know.

141. Well, then maybe we just shouldn't be friends anymore.

142. Come on, Arnold. I mean, don't be like that.

143. It's not that I don't believe you. It's just that...

144. Well, your story's a little weird.

145. Don't worry about it, Gerald.

146. You don't have to believe me.

147. I know I'm telling the truth and that's all that matters.

148. Arnold, wait!

149. I am monkey man!

150. Everybody thinks I took the money.

151. And now even Gerald doesn't believe me.

152. Well, you told everybody the truth, didn't you?

153. Yeah. Then what are you worried about?

154. So what if everybody hates you and you even lost your best friend?

155. Who needs 'em! I'll be your best friend.

156. It'll be just me and you like frick and frack.

157. We'll grow old together.

158. Wait a minute, I'm already old. Well, okay.

159. So you'll grow old alone with no one to talk to

160. and nothing to comfort you except your fond memories of me and...

161. I'm not helping, am I?

162. It's okay, Grandpa.

163. Short man, I know you're in a funk.

164. But when you get as old as me, you'll realize

165. that no matter what terrible, unfair things happen to you,

166. eventually, they'll pass. Take this sandwich for instance.

167. The second I took a bite, I knew I made a mistake.

168. You see, this ham's been sitting in the back of the refrigerator for weeks.

169. It's bad ham, Arnold.

170. I'll probably be sick in my office

171. the rest of the night and most of the day tomorrow.

172. But I'm not gonna let that get me down.

173. And you know why?

174. Because I know that this bad ham will pass. Literally.

175. And a week from now,

176. I'll forget all about the pain and suffering of food poisoning.

177. Just like you'll forget all about your problem.

178. Thanks, Grandpa. I hope you're right.

179. Me too. Because I feel like I just swallowed a hot mitten. (STOMACH GRUMBLING)

180. Look at him. What a weasel. If he thinks he can get away with this,

181. he's got another thing coming.

182. We really should do something about Arnold.

183. I mean, we can't just let him get away with this, can we?

184. No, no... I say we teach him a lesson.

185. Yeah!

186. I say we should make him pay!

187. Yeah!

188. We should make him admit that he took that money!

189. Get him! Hey!

190. Admit it, Arnold. Just admit you stole that money.

191. But I didn't steal it, Sid.

192. I say we tie him up to the tetherball pole.

193. I didn't do it. I didn't do it.

194. Doesn't anybody believe me? I do!

195. Arnold's my best friend.

196. And even though his story sounds far-fetched,

197. even crazy and made up, well,

198. I believe him. I mean, he would never take that money.

199. I mean, my man is true blue and I'm sticking by him.

200. Thanks, Gerald. Don't mention it.

201. And I know if you all think about it,

202. you'll realize Arnold was telling the truth all along.

203. And you'll forget about being mad at him

204. and thinking about how you can get back at him for something

205. he never even did in the first place.

206. Well, what do you say?

207. I say we tie him up to the tetherball pole!

208. Wait!

209. Is there a boy here named Arnold?

210. He's right here.

211. Who the heck is that?

212. I reckon it's an old lady

213. with pink hair, a peg leg and one eyebrow.

214. I've been looking for you.

215. I took your bag by mistake

216. and found all that money.

217. I turned it into the police,

218. but it wasn't until yesterday

219. that I found your bus pass in the bag.

220. You can claim the money at the police station anytime.

221. Actually, Gerald and Sid and I found the money and we were on our way to turn it in.

222. Well, the money's safe now and if no one claims it within 90 days,

223. then it's yours to keep.

224. I'm really sorry. Arnold, I'm so sorry.

225. I treated you like a criminal and a common thief.

226. I called you a liar. What can I do to make it up to you?

227. Wait, I've got it!

228. How about if nobody claims the money in 90 days, then I'll give you my share.

229. Okay, Sid.

230. Great! So you forgive me, right?

231. Sure. Of course I would've forgiven you anyway.

232. You mean even if I didn't give you my share?

233. Yup. But now I'm keeping it.

234. All $1,312.

235. Plus change. Wait a minute.

236. Now that you mention it, that is a whole lot of money.

237. And we never would have found it at all

238. except for the fact that I can't dribble, remember?

239. Aw, come on. We're partners, right?

240. Arnold! Arnold!

241. Hey, Arnold! (CRIES)

242. I'm so hungry!

243. I'm starving! (GRUNTS)

244. Stupid shrub! Harold, no!

245. Leave that poor shrub alone.

246. Kicking it is not going to help you get food.

247. Think about it. Stop it. What do you think you're doing?

248. You must have a low intelligence level.

249. I'm assigning you to plant new shrubbery

250. all around the school grounds for the next month.

251. (GROANS) Principal Wartz!

252. Ms. Lloyd, look what you've done. You've committed a criminal act

253. by flagrantly painting without any regard to decency let alone common sense.

254. Ms. Lloyd, you are a disgrace and a monumental disappointment.

255. It's only a little spot!

256. I hereby assign you to mop and bucket duty for the next two weeks.

257. (SOBS) Principal Wartz,

258. I've watched you overreact

259. and yell at several students today

260. who should've been treated with much more respect...

261. Are you lecturing me?

262. You have no idea what it is to be principal.

263. It's a battle out there.

264. When someone steps out of bounds,

265. you have to be quick, decisive and harsh.

266. Feelings and fairness cannot come into play.

267. But... But nothing. Get back to your class.

268. Quiet. Settle down right now.

269. It is my honor to welcome Superintendent Chaplin to our school for a visit.

270. I think it would be appropriate

271. to commence in singing our school spirit song.

272. (GROANS) This sucks. I hate this song.

273. You must all sing with dedication and reverence right now.

274. Start over.

275. Come on, everybody.

276. Sid, save your horseplay for recess.

277. You, young man. Yes, with the nose.

278. You are a reprehensible wrong-doer and a bad wicked-minded animal.

279. Your paper airplane could've... See,

280. there he goes again.

281. Just like I told you.

282. I'll have a talk with him. I'm sure he'll understand.

283. What do you mean my "unfair punishments and continued outbursts"?

284. Let's calm down, Principal.

285. I, I just want you to be fair and level-headed.

286. But what I've seen and been told about,

287. well, I'm very concerned.

288. And Mr. Simmons here is also very concerned.

289. Oh, so this is some kind of planned inquisition.

290. "We'll corner Wartz, and tell him he's crazy, and doing a lousy job."

291. No, that's not the case.

292. I take this as a full-frontal attack.

293. So, Mr. Tattletale Simmons, you think you can do a better job than I can?

294. No, that never crossed my mind.

295. I hear you loud and clear. Loud and clear, gentlemen.

296. Students, teachers, I have a very important announcement.

297. It has been brought to my attention

298. by our Superintendent and a certain Mr. Simmons

299. that I'm not running the school in an appropriate manner.

300. They don't need Wartz, they say. Well, you may think you don't need Wartz,

301. but let me assure you, you do need Wartz.

302. But Wartz has decided that right now,

303. you don't get Wartz. So I'm here to announce

304. that you won't have Principal Wartz to kick around anymore.

305. I resign, quit,

306. abdicate my principal duties effective immediately.

307. Principal Wartz, can't we talk?

308. So, Mr. Simmons, I guess we're going to be needing a new principal.

309. Want the job? Me?

310. Principal? Oh, no, I couldn't.

311. Well, I don't see why not. You're teacher of the year,

312. you're sensitive, organized, the kids like you.

313. I think you'd make a great principal.

314. Principal!

315. Since we have no more rules or boundaries at school,

316. I'm learning twice as much as before.

317. Any volunteers?

318. Yeah. Me!

319. Me! Me!

320. Even though I'm now Principal Simmons, you should still call me Mr. Simmons.

321. I'm still the same old me.

322. But I do have some big plans to make our school even more special than it already is.

323. Okay, my first plan is to have a different student each week serve as Principal's Helper.

324. I want you, the students, to be more involved.

325. Are there any volunteers to help me this week?

326. Hey, cut it out. Arnold. Thank you for volunteering.

327. Now, I know you're all wondering

328. what amazing plans I have up my sleeve

329. to better our beloved school. Like what?

330. Well, Harold, every day will be volunteer homework day.

331. You'll be on the honor system. (SCREAMS) Honor system!

332. Yeah! Yes. And good news in the cafeteria.

333. Free tasty shakes will now be served.

334. And most importantly, I'm open to any and all suggestions.

335. It's our school. Let's run it together.

336. I'm sincere when I say I intend to put the "pal"

337. back in Princi-pal.

338. (SIGHS) Can't remember the last time I woke up at noon.

339. Boy, oh, boy. I'm free and clear. No responsibilities, no meetings,

340. no headaches. Nothing but fun, fun, fun.

341. I'm gonna love not being principal.

342. Remember, only three suggestions per student.

343. Otherwise, we'll be here all day.

344. (LAUGHS) Missed another class.

345. So better and longer assemblies.

346. Like pro-wrestling or some carnival freak show.

347. An on-call manicure and pedicure expert would be nice.

348. I want a carton of chocolate milk on my desk in the morning,

349. a full carton.

350. And softer and thicker toilet paper in the boys' room for my tushy.

351. Open mic night tonight. Hmm.

352. Ow! Now that's not right.

353. (ALL CHATTERING) talk about

354. why you felt motivated to throw those song sheets

355. Please, please. Talking about things helps.

356. Mr. Simmons, are you okay?

357. I'm fine, Arnold.

358. I, um... Actually, I'm pretty concerned.

359. Our school seems to be getting out of control

360. Well, I wouldn't say it's out of control.

361. Well, maybe you should try setting some boundaries?

362. Boundaries. More boundaries? Hmm.

363. (GROANS) (LAUGHS) Gotcha.

364. Okay, that was a terrible thing you did to Eugene.

365. I need you to march right back to him and apologize right now.

366. Uh... No!

367. My public, thank you.

368. Please, friends, please calm down... Come into school.

369. Today's another special day in the life of P.S. 118.

370. No boundaries, no one's in charge...

371. It's very special!

372. Oh, Arnold, it's you. (WHISPERS) All right, come in. Lock the door behind you.

373. Why are you under your desk?

374. Oh, Arnold, it's just...

375. I feel like all my grand plans have backfired. I've caused so much chaos,

376. like, I wanted everyone to be happy,

377. and feel like they were a part of how the school was run.

378. It's a really, really hard job being principal.

379. MR.I feel bad for Principal Wartz. I took away his job.

380. I just wish I could go back to being a teacher

381. and he could go back to being a principal.

382. Why don't you ask him to come back?

383. Oh, no, no, no. He can never come back.

384. I can't imagine he likes me that much.

385. I'm the reason he left in the first place.

386. Well, you've got two choices.

387. You can go ask him or you can stay under this desk for the rest of your life.

388. Mr. Simmons?

389. I'm thinking. I'm thinking.

390. I've told you several times. No more lip.

391. Pick up your books and get to class. I heard that snickering.

392. Don't think you can pull a fast one on me. (DOOR BELL RINGS)

393. Principal Wartz? Yes, what is it?

394. Uh, well, let me get right to the point.

395. Our school has not been the same without you.

396. P.S. 118 needs you back.

397. Excuse me a moment.

398. They want me back! They want me back!

399. They want me back! (WHOOPING)

400. Please come in.

401. Principal Wartz, I realized over the past two weeks

402. that I am, frankly, not principal material.

403. Not everyone is, Mr. Simmons. It's a rare find.

404. We really want you back.

405. Boy, I never realized how much pressure you were under until I tried to do the job myself.

406. Now you know what it's like, day after day, unruly students,

407. the curriculum changes, the teacher complaints.

408. Sometimes, it can get you so worked up you just (INHALES DEEPLY) You just...

409. You just overreact a little?

410. Fair enough, Mr. Simmons.

411. I'll admit I did overreact.

412. I mean no principal should ever call a small child a wicked-minded animal.

413. Even if it's true.

414. I, I suppose I should've thanked you for pointing out my harshness

415. instead of flying off the handle like that.

416. Well, I'm willing to make a fresh start if you're willing to come back.

417. I'll have to think long and hard about it.

418. I've got some soul searching to do.

419. Well, my soul is thoroughly searched, gentlemen.

420. Last one back to school is a rotten egg.

421. Hey, there. Hello. Hi.

422. You, stop dripping milk on the floor.

423. Son, please, sit up straight. Hey, no spitball, young lady.

424. (LAUGHING) I got him!

425. What in blue blazes do you think you're doing, you moronic Neanderthal?

426. That is, I mean, uh... Please refrain from flicking those all over the place, son.

427. And kindly clean up that area right away.

428. Yes, sir.

429. ♪ Right through the wind and snow and ice and rain and sleet and fog and hail

430. ♪ We will prevail