Hey Arnold! 5x3

1. Here we go. Arnold.

2. Hey, Arnold!

3. Hey, Arnold!

4. Arnold.

5. Arnold.

6. (SIREN WAILING) Arnold.

7. Arnold.

8. Move it, football head!

9. Hey, Arnold!

10. I vant to suck your blood.

11. No, get away!

12. No! (HISSING)

13. I reckon that lady should've wore herself a turtleneck, Arnold.

14. The vampires have arrived.

15. They are everywhere.

16. You must know what signs to look for.

17. Sensitivity to sunlight,

18. aversion to garlic

19. and thirst for blood are all marks of vampirism.

20. If you find yourself faced with one of these ghastly beasts,

21. your only recourse is immediate elimination.

22. Boy, oh, boy, that movie sure was a hoot.

23. So, what should we do next?

24. Stop by the arcade, get an ice cream cone?

25. Play some baseball? I vote for all the above.

26. Uh, no thanks, guys, I gotta get home.

27. You know, before it gets dark.

28. Sid, it's 3:30.

29. Yeah, well, better be safe than sorry.

30. I don't wanna be outside when the night walking blood thirsty vampires ghouls

31. come out in search of blood.

32. Willikers, Sid, I never knew you were such a dang scaredy cat.

33. I'm not scared, Stinky, I'm just...

34. Just playing it safe, that's all.

35. Oh, yeah, then what are you hanging around with me for?

36. On account of I'm a vampire

37. (IMITATES VAMPIRE) And I vant to suck your blood.

38. (SCREAMS) Cut it out, Stinky.

39. Oh, relax, Sid, I'm just pulling your leg.

40. Besides, everyone knows vampires ain't real.

41. Stinky's right, Sid. Yeah, well,

42. I'm not taking any chances.

43. I'll see you guys tomorrow

44. in the daylight

45. Willikers, what a dang scaredy cat.

46. I vant to suck your blood.

47. No (PANTS) get away, no!

48. Wait a minute. It was just a dream.

49. There's no vampire. (GASPS) Boy, howdy.

50. I really gotta try and relax.

51. Uh, hey, Sid, how's it going?

52. Oh, fine, Arnold, I'm not thinking about vampires at all.

53. In fact, I'm perfectly relaxed.

54. (CHUCKLES) Now that is some serious eye wear, Stinky.

55. Thank you, Rhonda. Not only do they keep the sun

56. out of my sensitive eyes,

57. but I think they make me look right snazzy.

58. Garlic bread, Stinky?

59. No, thank you, ma'am, I never touch garlic.

60. Thank you for your enthusiasm, Stinky.

61. But the blood drive is for faculty and staff only.

62. (SIGHS) That's too bad, ma'am,

63. on account of blood drives are among my all time favorite school functions.

64. It's incredible, Arnold.

65. It's just like in the movie. First the guy came to the class

66. wearing those sunglasses.

67. Turns down the garlic bread at lunch and then he gets excited

68. about a blood drive.

69. A blood drive for faculty and staff only.

70. Slow down, what you talking about?

71. I'm talking about Stinky, Arnold, and the fact that he's a vampire.

72. Oh, come on, Sid, a lot of people wear sunglasses,

73. it doesn't make them vampires.

74. Neither does not liking garlic. And as far as the blood drive goes,

75. I bet Stinky was just excited about the free cookies they give out.

76. You're wrong, Arnold, Stinky's a vampire and I'm gonna prove it to you.

77. Just you wait and see.

78. "The first step in proving that your friend is a hideous, underhanded creature

79. "of the night is to find out if he has a reflection.

80. "If the suspected evil-doer's image does not readily appear

81. "in a mirror or a photograph, he is most likely a vampire."

82. See, Arnold? I told you, Stinky's a vampire

83. and this picture proves it.

84. There's nothing in this picture.

85. Of course, there's nothing in this picture.

86. Because vampires have no reflection. They can't be photographed.

87. Stinky's dark powers caused this picture to come out empty.

88. Oh, come on, Sid.

89. Stinky doesn't have dark powers and this picture doesn't prove anything.

90. Except maybe that you don't know how to use a camera.

91. Fine, don't believe me, it does't matter.

92. 'Cause there's lots more proof where this came from, you'll see.

93. "The second step in determining whether or not your friend

94. "is a monstrous blood-sucking demon

95. "is to find out if he has unusually large, protruding eye teeth,

96. "i.e., fangs."

97. Check it out, Arnold.

98. Pretty scary, huh?

99. It's a baloney sandwich, Sid.

100. It's not just any baloney sandwich, it's Stinky's baloney sandwich

101. and it has huge fang marks... They're just teeth marks,

102. now cut out all this crazy vampire talk and give Stinky

103. his sandwich back.

104. Hey, where's my sandwich?

105. All right, I'll give the sandwich back.

106. But Stinky is a vampire.

107. Trust me, you'll be a believer soon enough.

108. "The third step in figuring out if your friend is a grisly, night walking fiend

109. "is to catch him in the transformed state of big, hairy vampire bat."

110. 've finally got it, Arnold, the mother of all proof.

111. What is that? It's Stinky, Arnold.

112. In his hideous vampire bat state.

113. I caught him last night flying around his yard.

114. You've got to be kidding.

115. No, I'm completely serious, I stopped him and caught him with my hat.

116. Sid. Now I know what you're gonna say.

117. How can I be sure I got the right bat?

118. I know that I did, Arnold,

119. because I saw this one fly right out of Stinky's room.

120. Plus, Iggy told me that Stinky wasn't on the bus this morning

121. and that can only mean one thing.

122. He stayed home sick today?

123. No, that I've got him.

124. Right here.

125. Sid, you're completely crazy.

126. There is no way that that bat is Stinky.

127. Arnold, no, wait, what are you doing?

128. Arnold, I can't believe you let Stinky go.

129. Now he's gonna seek revenge on me for sure.

130. He's gonna come after me and suck my blood.

131. (SOBS) I'm doomed.

132. Doomed. (SOBS)

133. You are not doomed, Sid.

134. Yes, I am and now my only chance of survival

135. is to go to Stinky's house tonight and eliminate him

136. before he eliminates me.

137. Fine, if that's the way it's gonna be, then I guess I have no choice

138. but to go with you.

139. That's great, 'cause I could use your help for destroying Stinky.

140. I'm not going so I can help you.

141. I'm going so I can prove to you once and for all

142. that Stinky is not a vampire.

143. I don't see anything.

144. Wait a minute, there he is.

145. Hmm, that's kind of odd.

146. Odd? Arnold, he's wearing a cape.

147. Look, I'll admit that Stinky's outfit is pretty strange

148. but it doesn't prove anything.

149. Come on.

150. Arnold, look.

151. Okay.

152. That is weird.

153. See, I told you. I know what it looks like, Sid,

154. but there's no way... The guy's in there sucking on the neck

155. of a goat, what more do you need?

156. That proves it.

157. The final nail in the coffin.

158. So to speak.

159. Anyway, the point is, Stinky's a revolting fiend and he must be destroyed.

160. I know it's unusual but I'm sure it's all just one big misunderstanding.

161. Misunderstanding? The guy just climbed into a wooden box.

162. Let's just go inside and talk to him.

163. Talk? You can't talk to a vampire,

164. he'll hypnotize you with his ghoulish gaze.

165. We've gotta take action.

166. What is that? It's my vampire elimination stake.

167. It's a rubber squeak toy.

168. Give me a break, it was the best I could do on short notice.

169. Anyway, I've got a plan. I'm gonna climb up the side of the house,

170. sneak inside and surprise Stinky.

171. Then I'm gonna eliminate him

172. You wait here and keep guard.

173. (SIGHS) Sid, wait.

174. Heya, Arnold, what brings you by at such an unreasonable hour?

175. Thinks I'm a vampire?

176. Uh-huh and he's sneaking into your upstairs window right now

177. with a rubber sword to come and eliminate you.

178. Why in the heck would Sid think I was a vampire?

179. Well, for one thing, you're wearing that cloak.

180. What about that goat? I mean, we saw you bite its neck.

181. Whew.

182. And what about that coffin?

183. Aha! At last, I have reached the dark one's lair.

184. Prepare to face the music, vampire.

185. Arnold, what are you doing here?

186. I told you wait outside and keep watch.

187. It's okay, Sid, I've talked to Stinky and everything is fine.

188. He's not a vampire. Oh, no, Stinky has already gotten to you.

189. He's hypnotized you, and bit your neck

190. and turned you into a blood-guzzling phantom.

191. Hey, who are you calling a blood-guzzling phantom?

192. Uh, I don't know, Stinky, maybe the guy wearing a cape?

193. It's not a cape, it's his night shirt.

194. All the Petersens wear 'em, the hard collar protects our large, yet delicate ear

195. from the cold. Yeah, right.

196. And I'm sure you have a clever explanation

197. as to why you were maliciously sucking the blood out of the neck

198. of that poor, innocent goat.

199. It's his taxidermy project.

200. He wasn't sucking its blood, he was just biting off a thread.

201. See? It's stuffed.

202. I seen a loose thread and I bit it off with my teeth.

203. Yeah, right and I bet that coffin over there isn't real either.

204. It's not a coffin, is it?

205. Of course not, it's a tanning bed,

206. Pa reconverted it.

207. We got us a patent pending.

208. I'm sure that's exactly what you what me to think, vampires.

209. Now prepare to be eliminated.

210. Come on, Sid, enough is enough.

211. Quit acting like a dang fool.

212. Get away I say, get away, you worm ridden vampire jerks.

213. All right, we'll get away, but first you have to look over your shoulder

214. and tell me what you see.

215. Yeah, right. You just wanna distract me so you can bite my neck and turn me

216. into an unclean spook like yourself.

217. I wasn't born yesterday, you know.

218. Sid, just look, would you?

219. Okay, okay, I'll look.

220. But don't you try any funny stuff.

221. What do you see? I see two ghoulish, horrible vampires

222. in a mirror. How can we be vampires

223. if we have reflections?

224. Wait a minute, that's right, vampires don't have reflections.

225. So that means you can't be undead after all.

226. That's what I've been trying to tell you this whole time.

227. Wow, I guess I must've let my imagination get the best of me.

228. You can say that again.

229. I sure am sorry, you guys, I bet you think I'm a real dope.

230. Pretty much, but it's okay, Sid.

231. Sorry again for accusing you of being a depraved monster, Stinky.

232. Don't mention it.

233. Oh, there you are, little guy.

234. I was wondering where you went.

235. Boy, you ain't gonna believe the crazy night I've had.

236. Some fellows came by and actually accused me of being a vampire.

237. Can't imagine where they got that idea.

238. Stupid, dumb selfish Olga and her stupid, dumb annoying ways.

239. Why can't she just stay away for good?

240. And leave me the heck alone.

241. Helga? Arnold?

242. Is something wrong, you're stabbing at a drawing of your sister

243. with a big, red crayon.

244. Yeah, so criminey, am I supposed to be happy that my sister Olga's

245. coming home today for an unbearably long two week visit?

246. No, I guess not.

247. That's right, Arnold, and do you know why?

248. Because every time Olga comes home it's a total nightmare.

249. Maybe this time things will be different.

250. Maybe you'll get along.

251. What makes you think I want it to be different, hair boy?

252. I mean, I don't even like Olga, let alone want to to get along with her.

253. So thanks for your sunny optimism, Arnoldo,

254. but don't hold your breath 'cause things between Olga and me

255. are never gonna change

256. and that's that.

257. Oh, brother.

258. Surprise, Olga.

259. Welcome home, dear. (HORN BLOWING)

260. Oh, it's just the girl. Darn.

261. We thought you were Olga.

262. Sorry to disappoint you.

263. Mommy, Daddy.

264. Olga, you're home.

265. Oh, we missed you so much, honey.

266. Wait a minute, where's my baby sister?

267. Right here, Olga. Oh,

268. Helga, you're such a silly, quit hiding behind that door

269. and come give your sister a big ol' smooch.

270. Now, be a good girl and stand over there with Mommy and Daddy

271. so you can hear my very, very exciting news.

272. I, Olga Pataki, have agreed to lend my talents

273. to the world renowned extremely important social welfare program

274. known as "Big Sis, Little Sis"

275. during which time I will act as a surrogate big sister

276. to a poor, lonely, only child in need.

277. Isn't it fantastic?

278. That sounds great, Olga.

279. That's very exciting, dear.

280. Wait a minute, let me get this straight.

281. You're saying that you're gonna be busy this whole, entire visit

282. Being a sister to someone else?

283. I'm afraid so, Helga.

284. Guess we'll just have to hang out next time you're home.

285. I guess, unless you think you'd like to spend some time with me and my new little sis.

286. Wow, sounds great, Olga, but I have to go alphabetize

287. my Wrestlemania trading cards for the next two weeks.

288. Okay, then, I'll see you at dinner, baby sister.

289. Oh, man, talk about luck, Olga's gonna be busy palling around

290. with some other kid for the next two weeks

291. and I won't have to spend any time with her at all

292. Looks great, Olga, now go call the girl down here,

293. so we can eat it. Helga.

294. Dinner. (DOORBELL RINGING)

295. Ooh, goodie, that's gotta be my little sis.

296. I invited her over for dinner and a slumber party.

297. I hope you guys don't mind.

298. Little sis?

299. I'm Lila and I'm ever so certain that

300. you must be Olga, my new big sis.

301. Lila?

302. I still can't believe you brought me orchids, Lila.

303. Gosh, Olga, you're just ever so welcome.

304. "Ever so welcome"? Just listen to you.

305. You are just the cutest thing. Please.

306. So, Loli, you and Helga know each other

307. from school?

308. Uh-huh, we're in the same class.

309. That's good. Girl could use some nice, little friends like you.

310. (SCOFFS) Yeah, right.

311. You say something, little lady? No.

312. Good, now who's ready to eat?

313. How about you, Lila?

314. You like this fancy kind of Olga food?

315. It's goulash, Daddy.

316. A favorite recipe of mine from the far away land of Azerbaijan.

317. I hope it's not too foreign for you.

318. Not at all, Olga.

319. Goodie, 'cause I made a Moroccan Maraschino tart for dessert.

320. That sounds, oh, too yummy.

321. It is, it's positively fantastic.

322. Oh, I think I'm gonna puke.

323. You can sob all you want, Norma.

324. But all the tears in the world aren't gonna help you now.

325. Please, don't go, Jack.

326. You're too late, sister, I'm already gone.

327. (SOBS) No, Jack,

328. (SOBS) No, please.

329. I'll do anything... You know what, Lila?

330. This reminds me of exactly how I felt when I took a cinematic studies class

331. at my school.

332. Every day, we would watch one of these really old sad movies

333. and at first, I found myself feeling bad.

334. But then luckily I found a way to cheer myself up.

335. Whatever did you do?

336. Well, one day after class, I went to my dormitory room

337. and I put on some loud, happy music (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

338. and before I knew it, I was dancing all around and feeling much better.

339. I bet you think I'm just a big old silly.

340. I'm certainly thinking nothing of the sort.

341. I like to do the very same thing when I'm feeling blue.

342. What are we waiting for, sweetie? Let's go cheer ourselves up.

343. Ooh, boy, these two are unbelievable.

344. I'm feeling just ever so much better.

345. Me too.

346. Only there's one more thing I need to do to put that award-winning Olga Pataki

347. smile back on my face.

348. What's that? Tickle fight!

349. Man, how cornball are these two gonna get?

350. I'm, oh, so certain that I just love having a big sis.

351. And I'm certain that I just love having a little sis, Lila.

352. Especially one as perfect as you.

353. Ow!

354. I wasn't aiming for you, Arnoldo.

355. I was trying to hit Lila, the most perfect little sis

356. in the whole world.

357. Helga, Lila's an only child.

358. Not since she teamed up with Olga

359. and started this whole big sis, little sis thing.

360. Now, they're completely inseparable.

361. It's the worst.

362. What's so bad about it? Shouldn't you be happy that Olga's

363. hanging around with someone else besides you for a change?

364. Well, I am happy, football head.

365. It's just that... It's Lila

366. and I don't know, she and Olga are just driving me nuts.

367. That's all.

368. If I didn't know better, I might think you were a little jealous.

369. Jealous, hah, I'm not jealous, Arnold.

370. I just don't want those two pathetic girly girls hanging around together,

371. because they're just way too annoying, that's all.

372. Then why don't you go tell Olga how you feel?

373. Maybe she'll get a new little sis.

374. Yeah, right, like Olga would ever listen to me

375. and besides, I've already decided to deal with the situation in my own way.

376. Hope you enjoy getting all dressed up, big sis.

377. 'Cause you and little sis sure ain't going anywhere tonight.

378. Oh, no, no, I can't believe this. Our tickets.

379. They're gone.

380. What are we going to do, Lila? Pardon me, girls.

381. I have two extra tickets if you don't mind sitting with me

382. in my exclusive private balcony.

383. Exclusive, private balcony?

384. That's ever so generous.

385. Great.

386. Hope you enjoy your little drive in the country today, Olga.

387. 'Cause without any motor oil, you and Lila sure ain't coming back anytime soon.

388. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Oh, no.

389. What's happening?

390. Well, I guess we'll just have to get out and walk

391. until we find a service station.

392. You young ladies need some help?

393. I'm afraid we've experienced some technical difficulties.

394. Well, I'll be happy to take you to the service station,

395. but not before you join me and my family for a big, hearty, country breakfast.

396. Ooh, that sounds really scrumptious

397. Thank you ever so much.

398. Perfect.

399. Hope the girls are in the mood for a little excitement today

400. 'cause their planned horsey ride with old Buttercup here

401. is gonna be really wild. (LAUGHS)

402. Look, little sis, there's Buttercup,

403. my favorite horse in the whole park.

404. He reminds me, oh, so much, of a pony I had back on the farm, big sis.

405. Once around the park, please.

406. What the...

407. Whoa!

408. Oh, no! Oh, my goodness.

409. Buttercup's gone completely crazy.

410. It's okay, Olga, I know just what to do.

411. Oh, please be careful, little sis.

412. You saved my life, oh, I just love you so much.

413. Criminey, nothing is ever going to force these two apart.

414. None of my evil schemes are working.

415. Helga. Arnold?

416. When are you just going to admit the truth?

417. What are you doing, football head, stalking me?

418. Your sister's hanging out with Lila and it bugs you.

419. No, it doesn't. You just took apart their carriage with a wrench.

420. So, what's your point?

421. Either you are really crazy or you're really jealous.

422. Look, Arnold, how many times do I have to tell you,

423. I am not jealous.

424. If you were really not jealous,

425. then why don't you just leave Olga and Lila alone?

426. Grrr.

427. (ON RADIO) And coming up next, My Darling Little Sis.

428. A dedication from Olga Pataki to her favorite little sis Lila.

429. Criminey!

430. I can't take this anymore.

431. Bonsoir, baby sister.

432. Did you finally finish alphabetizing your trading cards?

433. 'Cause if you did, you can come night sailing with Lila and me.

434. Actually, Olga, I don't think that's a very good idea.

435. You don't? No, you see...

436. I've been thinking and no matter how much I hate to admit it

437. when I see you and Lila together, I get kind of, well (SIGHS)

438. I get kind of jealous.

439. Jealous?

440. Whatever are you jealous about?

441. (SIGHS) Look, Olga, even though we may not always get along,

442. even though we're not very close and even though most of the time

443. you bug the living heck out of me,

444. you're still my big sister

445. and I just don't like sharing you with somebody else.

446. Well, let me assure you, pumpkin, despite what you may think

447. in that silly, little head of yours,

448. you have absolutely nothing to be jealous about.

449. I don't? Of course not.

450. Lila may be my little sis

451. but she'll never be my baby sister.

452. No matter how much I may like Lila.

453. No matter how much we may have in common.

454. She and I will never have a bond as strong as the one

455. between you and I.

456. A bond between real sisters.

457. Really? Yes, really.

458. What you and I have is special, Helga.

459. It's completely and utterly untouchable. (DOORBELL RINGING)

460. Now, that's gotta be Lila.

461. What do you say you put on your best little sailing outfit

462. and come out with us?

463. Oh, little sis.

464. I just love night sailing on this moonlit bay with you.

465. Not nearly so much as I enjoy sailing on with you, big sis.

466. This reminds me of a song I know.

467. Ooh, don't tell me.

468. ♪ We could hear The voices singing

469. What was I thinking?

470. Oh, my, where's Helga?