1. Here we go.
Arnold.
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2. Hey Arnold!
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3. Hey Arnold!
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4. Arnold.
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5. Arnold.
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6. (SIREN WAILING)
Arnold.
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7. Arnold.
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8. Move it, football head!
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9. Hey Arnold!
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10. What the...
Shut up!
Where's your money?
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11. Let go of me, ow.
Monkeyman!
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12. Monkeyman!
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13. (LAUGHING BOISTEROUSLY)
Yeah, right, Arnold.
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14. Monkeyman saved you.
And then what?
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15. He gave you his business card?
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16. No. He went after
the two guys who were
trying to mug me.
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17. Did you get
a good look at him?
Not really.
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18. It was pretty dark.
Does he really wear
monkey slippers?
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19. You guys, you guys,
slow down! We're getting
ahead of ourselves here.
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20. Since this is the first
authentic Monkeyman
sighting this year,
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21. and especially since
it was our own Arnold
who witnessed it,
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22. I think Gerald
should tell the legend
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23. for any of us who may not
have heard it in a while.
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24. Gerald?
Thank you, Sid.
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25. Friends, how many times
have we awakened
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26. to the frightful cry,
"Monkeyman"?
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27. How many times
have we seen him
in the corner of our eye
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28. never stopping,
always speeding by,
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29. a flash of his cape down
the alleys and streets,
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30. scampering up fire escapes,
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31. like a freaked out chimpanzee?
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32. Monkeyman.
Some say he's
a force for good.
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33. A twisted urban Robin Hood,
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34. defending the weak
and downtrodden.
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35. Some say he's a force for bad,
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36. a tricking, conniving cat.
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37. Furthermore,
just plain rotten.
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38. Still others say,
he's some guy in pajamas,
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39. living on stolen bananas.
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40. Who knows? No one's
ever talked to him.
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41. But if you find yourself
in the heart of downtown,
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42. keep looking around,
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43. 'cause you just
might run into him.
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44. Monkeyman. The end.
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45. Oh, that was
beautiful, Gerald.
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46. I don't think
he's evil or crazy, Gerald.
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47. I think he knows
what he's doing.
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48. (SCOFFS) Yeah. Like you
talked to him, Arnold.
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49. No, I didn't.
But I bet if I did,
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50. he'd turn out to be
a normal guy.
Just like the rest of us.
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51. Normal? Arnold,
he runs around downtown
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52. in his pajamas,
yelling "Monkeyman".
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53. He's a freak of nature.
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54. Actually, football-head,
you two would
probably get along.
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55. Maybe we would.
I'm gonna try and find him.
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56. (CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY) Yeah,
and pigs are gonna fly
out of a monkey's butt.
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57. I'm gonna find him, Helga,
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58. and thank him for what he did.
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59. I mean,
how are we ever
gonna find him?
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60. He's Monkeyman, man.
He's mythological.
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61. Monkeyman?
I know where to find him.
You do?
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62. Yeah, he comes down
to the docks on Tuesdays
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63. when they unload
the banana boats.
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64. It's next
to the meat-packing plant.
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65. You saw Monkeyman then?
Did you get
a good look at him?
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66. Nah, no one ever
gets a good look.
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67. He only comes at night
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68. just long enough to grab
some bananas off a boat.
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69. Then he goes swinging out
of there on a rope, yelling,
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70. (YELLING) "Monkeyman!"
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71. in that creepy way he does.
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72. He's a mystery wrapped
in an enigma, Arnold.
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73. But try down
at the docks on Tuesday.
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74. My butt's falling asleep.
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75. Mine too. But let's wait
just a little while longer.
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76. I'm sure we'll see him.
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77. (SCOFFS) Look, Arnold,
we've been sitting here
for three hours,
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78. and I haven't seen
so much as a rat.
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79. You can stay here
if you want,
but I'm going home.
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80. Yeah, I'm staying.
See you, Gerald.
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81. (YELLING) Monkeyman!
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82. Monkeyman.
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83. I'm Arnold.
I'm Monkeyman.
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84. I'm a superhero.
I fight crime. Monkeyman.
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85. I... I wanted to thank you
for saving me the other night.
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86. All in the line
of duty. Monkeyman.
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87. So, you wanna come over
to my house or something?
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88. Your house?
Yeah, for dinner.
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89. Gee, dinner at your,
Monkeyman, house,
I don't know.
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90. I live outside
of society, Arnold.
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91. I can't be swayed
by fancy dinners
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92. and the, Monkeyman,
finer things in life.
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93. I'd get distracted.
I wouldn't
be able to fight crime.
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94. Oh, come on, Monkeyman.
It's just one dinner.
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95. And then you can go
right back to fighting crime.
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96. What do you say?
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97. So,
Mr. Monkeyman,
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98. Arnold says you live in,
kind of a clubhouse
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99. made out of cardboard boxes.
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100. No, that's just my lair,
my, Monkeyman, batcave.
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101. A post-industrial
bachelor pad, if you will.
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102. I live with my aunt
and uncle. Monkeyman.
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103. I'll tell you one thing.
He sure smells like a monkey.
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104. Yes! I can barely stand it.
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105. Um, Arnold, I have
some bananas
in my Monkey-mobile.
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106. Maybe I should just
go out there and...
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107. It's just spaghetti
and meatballs, Monkeyman.
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108. It's great. Try it,
like this. See?
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109. Wow. Arnold, it is.
It's great.
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110. So, Monkeyman, I...
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111. I see you're kind
of confused around silverware.
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112. Well, superheroes don't
normally use silverware.
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113. Yeah, yeah. And about
the superhero thing, um,
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114. what's the deal
with the costume
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115. and the running around
at night yelling "Monkeyman"
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116. and waking us
working people up?
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117. It's my Monkeyman job,
I Monkeyman!
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118. Yeah, that part I got.
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119. I mean, why are you Monkeyman?
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120. Well, you see,
I grew up in a zoo.
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121. Or next to one.
I spent all my time there.
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122. I was obsessed
with the monkeys
on Monkey Island.
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123. I wanted to be just like them.
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124. Everyone said I was weird.
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125. They made fun of me
and my love for monkeys.
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126. They even made fun
of my stuffed,
Monkeyman, monkey.
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127. They teased me,
threw things at me,
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128. and finally they stole
my stuffed monkey,
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129. and beat me up and chased me
out of the zoo. Monkeyman!
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130. So I decided
to change my identity
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131. and become a force for good
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132. and against evil
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133. to defend the weak
and downtrodden
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134. from bullies everywhere.
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135. Plus I had to get
my monkey back.
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136. Monkeyman!
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137. I'll tell you one thing,
he's not staying
in my room tonight.
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138. Yes. He's very creepy
and he smells.
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139. I got an idea, Monkeyman.
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140. After dinner, why don't
we go down to Slausen's
and get a banana split?
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141. A banana split?
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142. What is that?
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143. Uh, Slausen's?
I'm not... I'm not clear.
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144. What?
Williker.
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145. Arnold's just sitting there
like it's no big deal
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146. having a banana split
with the Monkeyman.
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147. (SIGHS) That boy leads
a charmed life.
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148. Wow. Arnold,
Monkeyman, wow.
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149. This Banana split has gotta
be the greatest invention
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150. ever thought of by mankind.
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151. And to think
you non-superheroes can
come here
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152. and Monkeyman, eat them
whenever you want.
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153. I can't believe I've been
missing out on this
for all these years.
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154. Well, thanks again
for saving me, Monkeyman.
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155. I guess you ought
to be getting back
to fighting crime now, huh?
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156. (INCREDULOUSLY)
Are you kidding?
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157. You've... You've opened
the door to a whole new world
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158. of fantastic stuff, Arnold.
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159. I'm just getting,
Monkeyman, started.
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160. Come on, Arnold. Monkeyman!
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161. This, Monkeyman,
clarifying shampoo is crazy.
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162. My... My hair is
bouncing and... And behaving.
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163. Monkeyman.
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164. Uh, uh, what do you think?
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165. Well, I for one,
think it's Mo...
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166. (CLEARS THROAT)
Marvelously minimalistic
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167. and jejune.
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168. Ah, ah, brilliant. Jejune.
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169. Yes. Have you met the mayor?
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170. (CHUCKLES POMPOUSLY)
Hi Monkeyman.
Can I talk to you?
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171. Oh, I'm afraid
I can't, Arnold.
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172. The mayor
and I are about to enjoy
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173. a performance of La Boheme.
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174. You're sure spending
a lot of time going
to parties and stuff.
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175. What's your point?
Well...
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176. It must cut into
your job, you know,
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177. protecting the weak
and downtrodden.
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178. (CHUCKLES) Oh, right.
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179. We have a whole police force
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180. to take care of the weak
and the downtrodden, Arnold.
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181. Well, it's been nice
chatting with you, Arnold.
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182. We really should try to
get together sometime.
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183. Mon... (CLEARS THROAT)
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184. (CHUCKLES) Ciao.
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185. Hey, what...
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186. Where's your money?
I don't have any. Ow!
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187. What do you got then, punk?
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188. Monkeyman, help!
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189. Monkeyman! (SOBBING)
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190. Howdy, Arnold.
Is Monkeyman coming?
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191. He's with the mayor
watching La Boheme.
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192. That's somethin'
even I couldn't
have predicted that.
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193. I'm worried about him, Gerald.
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194. What for? He's having fun.
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195. But he's just not
the same Monkeyman anymore.
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196. He doesn't even care
about the helpless
and the downtrodden.
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197. Arnold, we have
a police force
to take care of that.
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198. What difference does it make
if Monkeyman's
having a good time?
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199. Hey, Sid. Are you okay?
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200. They jumped me. Two big guys.
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201. I didn't have
enough money
so they took 'em!
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202. What, Sid? Took what?
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203. Arnold, they took
my Beatle boots. (CRYING)
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204. I want my boots!
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205. Bye bye, mayor.
Thanks for the chat.
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206. I'll be seeing you soon.
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207. Sid, what's wrong?
What happened?
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208. What happened?
I got mugged!
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209. Mugged?
Yeah, you know, mugged.
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210. Right in front
of the stinking opera house!
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211. Opera house?
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212. Yeah. I looked around
and thought, "Hey,
where's Monkeyman?
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213. "He should be
saving me about now."
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214. But no. You were too busy
going to the opera
with the mayor!
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215. You are not
a superhero at all!
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216. You're just some kind
of selfish, caviar-eating,
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217. opera-going, tuxedo boy!
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218. Yeah, that's what you are.
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219. (WHIMPERING) Yeah!
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220. Oh, Monkeyman?
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221. It's me, Arnold.
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222. Oh, (STUTTERING) hi.
Come in, Arnold.
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223. What's going on?
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224. Hmm, I'm packing
it in, Arnold.
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225. I'm Mo... Quitting
the superhero business.
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226. But you can't quit.
You're Monkeyman.
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227. Hmm, yeah. I used
to be Monkeyman, Arnold.
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228. Sworn to protect
the weak and the downtrodden
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229. until I got
all stuck up and snooty
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230. and starter hanging out
at the opera
with Mo... Celebrities.
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231. And then those punks stole
Sid's Beatle boots
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232. and I didn't lift
a finger to stop 'em
'cause I'd grown soft
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233. and only cared
about the Mo... Finer things.
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234. Wait. So you made one mistake,
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235. and you went to the opera
instead of fighting crime.
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236. That doesn't mean you should
stop being a superhero.
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237. You were happy
being Monkeyman.
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238. You still can do it.
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239. Sure, Sid needed you.
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240. But lots
of kids still need you.
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241. Don't give up now.
We need you, Monkeyman.
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242. "Dear Arnold,
thanks for everything."
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243. "Please give these to Sid."
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244. Monkeyman!
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245. Crap, a field trip
to the chocolate factory
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246. and everyone's
carrying on like they died
and went to heaven.
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247. What buffoons!
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248. Aren't you looking forward
to the visit, Helga?
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249. Are you kidding? I got tickets
to Wrestlemania tonight.
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250. The sooner we finish
this dorky little escapade,
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251. the sooner I get there.
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252. Cut it out, Helga.
What?
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253. Class, please. Listening ears.
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254. (KIDS SETTLE DOWN)
Thank you.
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255. Now, we're almost there.
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256. So first, a few rules.
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257. Rule one! Go straight
to the Yahoo chocolate
hospitality room
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258. and eat chocolate
num-nums till you puke!
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259. Oh, stop cheering already.
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260. Harold's obnoxious enough,
don't encourage him.
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261. Listen, Helga.
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262. I've been dreaming
about this field trip
since kindergarten.
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263. And I'm planning on having
the best day of my life.
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264. So stay out of my way,
Madame Fortress Mommy.
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265. You stay out
of my way, pink boy.
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266. (CHANTING) Chocolate!
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267. Class, before we begin
enjoying the exhibits,
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268. remember, we'll all meet up
outside the hospitality room
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269. at... Okay.
We'll all meet up later.
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270. Chocolate factory.
Yeah, chocolate.
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271. Yeah, chocolate.
Big vats of chocolate.
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272. What's Chocolate boy
doing here?
He's not in our class.
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273. He's not
even in our grade.
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274. Uh, Chocolate boy,
where are you going?
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275. You're not going to do
anything crazy now, are you?
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276. And over here, behind me,
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277. is the huge vat where they...
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278. (GASPS) Mr. Simmons,
there's somebody swimming
in the chocolate.
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279. Phoebe, what a truly vivid
imagination you have.
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280. We all know there's no way
anyone could... (SCREAMS)
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281. Chocolate boy, let me start
by saying that I am not
at all happy about this.
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282. You skipped school
to come on this field trip
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283. without anyone's permission.
What do you have
to say for yourself?
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284. (CHUCKLES) Chocolate.
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285. Well, I think it's time
to take you back to school.
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286. I better round up the class
and get them on the bus.
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287. You mean
the field trip is over?
Oh, I'm afraid so, Helga.
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288. Yes! Wrestlemania,
here I come.
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289. Chocolate boy,
thanks a lot.
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290. Where's Harold?
He'd better not make me late.
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291. All right,
is everyone on board?
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292. I'll just do
a quick headcount.
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293. Two, four, six...
Mmm, chocolate.
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294. Warm sticky chocolate.
Chocolate boy, please.
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295. Please. Oh, stop
licking yourself.
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296. Now, oh, where was I?
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297. Oh, yes. Ten, 12...
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298. Hey, stupid. Wake up!
It's time to roll.
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299. I said, move it,
pig boy! Move!
Ow, ow!
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300. And 30. Well, I think
that's everybody.
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301. Ow, quit pulling my arm!
The bus is leaving,
you dumb oaf.
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302. No!
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303. Wait! Come back! Come back!
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304. We're all alone!
We'll starve to death!
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305. Get real, porky. You just ate
half your weight in chocolate.
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306. Besides, I bet they've
already noticed we're gone
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307. and they're
turning around right now.
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308. ♪ Ninety-five bottles
of beer on the wall
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309. Or maybe not. Okay.
Let's go back inside
and call our parents.
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310. Hey, wait! Let us in!
Hey, no!
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311. Help! Help!
No, wait! No!
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312. So, how much money you got?
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313. Enough for one call each.
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314. Hello? Mom, it's me. Helga.
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315. I'm stuck
at the chocolate factory
with a moron.
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316. The school bus left us here
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317. and we don't have
any way to get back.
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318. Help, please. Pick up, Miriam.
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319. Hello? Mommy, it's me, Harold.
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320. I've never heard of you.
Don't call me again!
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321. Dialed the wrong number.
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322. Just brilliant. You don't even
know your own phone number.
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323. Where are you going?
To Wrestlemania.
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324. Even if I have to walk there.
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325. Hey! Wait up, Helga.
Don't leave me here, please!
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326. Hey, look. The subway!
We're saved!
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327. Yeah. Great idea, genius.
Only one little problem.
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328. It costs money to take
the subway and we don't
have any.
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329. Then we'll just jump the gate.
No one ever gets caught.
Come on!
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330. Hey, you two kids!
(YELPS)
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331. Come back here!
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332. Oh, phew! That was close.
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333. Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick.
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334. "No one ever gets caught."
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335. Okay, now what? I guess
we get off at Lexington.
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336. No, no,
we get off at Lincoln.
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337. I took this train
with my dad once.
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338. To where?
The Idiot's convention?
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339. Now, I know what I'm talking
about, Helga. Trust me!
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340. Fine. But you better
be right, pink boy.
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341. (PUKES)
Ew.
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342. Now what?
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343. I don't know. It kinda looks
different than I remembered.
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344. You don't have any idea
where we are, do you? Do ya?
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345. Helga? Come back!
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346. Hey, look!
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347. One, I'm not gonna
ride that clown bike.
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348. Two, it doesn't belong to us.
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349. Aw, come on.
No one's gonna notice.
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350. You wanna make it
to Wrestlemania, don't ya?
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351. Aw, why do I have
to sit in the back?
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352. Just shut up and pedal.
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353. We've got miles to go
and I'm doing all the work.
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354. Madame Fortress Mommy.
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355. Hey, bicycle thief.
Come back!
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356. Get the car.
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357. What's wrong?
Why did you stop singing?
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358. I don't know. I just got
this strange feeling
like something is missing.
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359. Look, the city!
We're almost there!
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360. Yeah. Almost there.
Try five miles, bonehead.
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361. Well, at least
we've got wheels.
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362. I told you taking
this bike was a good idea.
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363. Guess I'm not
so dumb after all, huh?
(CAR HONKS)
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364. Hey, come back here,
you runt kids!
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365. You won't get
away with this.
(SCREAMING)
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366. They gotta be
around here somewhere.
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367. When I get my hands on them,
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368. I'm gonna pound the fat one
while the skinny one watches.
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369. (CHUCKLES)
I would like to see that.
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370. That's the last time
I borrow some clown's bike.
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371. Perfect. I'm being
stalked by a mob
of angry circus freaks,
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372. I'm waist-deep
in freezing cold water
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373. next to a big fat loser,
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374. and there's a really annoying
light shining in my face.
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375. Hey, what is
that light? Come on.
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376. (MAN SINGING)
Look! It's
Sheena's uncle, Earl.
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377. Hey mister, wake up.
What? Who goes there?
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378. Can you give us
a ride into town?
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379. There's some
crazy midget clowns
that want to kill us!
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380. Midget clowns eh? Aarr!
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381. (SINGING)
♪ Seventeen bottles of beer
On the wall
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382. Hey, Phoebe. Where's Helga?
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383. Gosh, I don't know.
I assumed she was
sitting up front.
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384. Uh-oh.
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385. MR.
We what? Oh my word.
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386. What a nightmare.
At least it's almost over.
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387. See, I told you
everything would work out.
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388. Hey, what's this?
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389. Oi, don't be pulling that.
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390. (POP)
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391. Argh!
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392. Help,
help me! I can't swim!
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393. Neither can I.
Good luck to ye.
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394. Harold, quit choking me.
Help, please!
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395. And grab on to this. (GASPING)
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396. What is it, chocolate boy?
You smell something?
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397. Yeah, yeah.
It's Harold's chocolate.
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398. Probably an hour ago.
Maybe an hour and fifteen.
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399. Oh, dear.
I'm afraid they're long gone.
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400. I better go straight
to Harold's
and Helga's parents
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401. and tell them that they're
missing... Stop sniffing me.
(SNIFFING)
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402. We're alive!
(CRIES IN DELIGHT)
You saved my life!
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403. I think I love you!
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404. Harold, get away from me,
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405. You big whale.
Huh?
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406. Everything that happened
today is your fault!
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407. You can't do anything right.
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408. Take the bus for example.
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409. Why do you think
we missed it, Harold?
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410. Oh, let's see.
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411. Hmm, maybe was it
because you were
too busy eating
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412. twice your bodyweight
in chocolate num nums.
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413. Oh, how about this one?
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414. "Let's take the subway.
I think it goes to Lincoln."
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415. Oh, wait. No, it doesn't.
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416. It goes straight
to the bowels
of the underworld!
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417. Hub cycle,
totkas, midget clowns!
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418. I know,
let's steal their bike.
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419. They won't mind.
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420. Now, you'd think
that would be enough
to fill any moron's day.
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421. But you're not just
any moron, are you, Harold?
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422. You're the king!
Your day is just
getting started.
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423. So, because
of your amazing curiosity
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424. about the world around us,
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425. you pull the plug
out of the bottom
of our getaway boat!
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426. (SIGHS) You idiot.
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427. So, is that what
you really think of me, Helga?
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428. You think I'm an idiot
and I can't do anything right?
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429. Yes, Harold.
That's what I really think.
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430. Hey! I think
I know where we are.
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431. Yeah, we're
up the creek without a paddle.
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432. Really, Helga!
I know where we are.
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433. Let's go, come on! Come on!
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434. Ow!
Let go of me, you big oaf!
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435. This is it!
This is it! Come on!
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436. Stop it.
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437. Stop pulling me
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438. and tell me where
you're taking me, right now.
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439. (CROWD ROARING)
Wrestlemania!
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440. (GASPING) Wrestlemania?
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441. But how?
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442. My cousin works here
as a security guard.
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443. He lets me in all the time.
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444. Hey, furball! (LAUGHS)
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445. Can I help you?
Uh, Mrs. Pataki,
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446. I'm afraid I have
some very serious news.
Your daughter Helga...
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447. (PHONE RINGING)
Would you just
excuse me just a sec?
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448. Hello? Oh, hi, Helga.
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449. Wrestlemania with Harold?
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450. Okay. Have fun. Bye bye.
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451. Now, what was
that you were saying?
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452. Um, Harold, I just
wanted to say... I'm sorry.
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453. Oh, that's okay.
Chocolate num-num?
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